Work Text:
GEORGE WASHINGTON
Wake up!
AARON BURR
George Washington, sir! How can this be? Am I dead?
WASHINGTON
Not quite yet, Mr. Burr, don’t go losing your head.
Rise and shine, listen close, I’m glad you can hear me
(You never know as a ghost.) Now I’ve got a small query.
Are you mourning this morning, one day after the duel?
Do you stand by your shot, or would you say you’re a fool?
BURR
Mr. President, sir, I’m in no mood to talk
You’ve been dead for five years--to be frank, I’m in shock.
WASHINGTON
As usual, Aaron, you dive, flit, and duck
I’ve got nothing but time, kid, you’re shit out of luck.
No more dodging the question, what’ve you got to say?
Would you undo the deed, if you could take back the day?
BURR
You asked, here’s my answer: He deserved the damn bullet
At least he shut up when the blood filled his gullet.
With Hamilton gone, my world’s looking wider
And uptown’s looking better now it’s one asshole quieter.
WASHINGTON
Wow.
BURR
You oughta say thanks; I made your faux son a martyr.
He’s at peace, I’m disgraced. Tell me, who has it harder?
WASHINGTON
I’ve disliked you since the war, but this sure adds to the tally.
If you’ve got no remorse, then I’ve got no need to dally.
Perhaps another George’s company is more up your alley.
GEORGE EACKER
It’s me, George Eacker--Your bird of a feather
We Hamilton killers really oughta stick together.
I kicked it six months ago, the culprit? Consumption
I just came back to say that I admire your gumption.
I’m a spirit, you’re my kindred, we’re like peas in a pod, man!
A pair of duel winning sinners in a too angry God’s hands.
BURR
Oh please--I’ve got honor, not sure if you’ve heard of it
You counted to ten, but you left out a third of it.
You Too-Eager Eackers can do what you please
Keep rollin’ in sleaze, but don’t tar the Aaron Burr with it.
EACKER
I killed Phil, you axed Alex, we’re alike more than not!
BURR
At least I hit ten before I fired my shot.
EACKER
News flash: no one cares. They’ll still call you a damn knave.
BURR
You’re trash. Leave me be, and go back to your damn grave.
EACKER
Okay.
BURR
It’s my room, not a tomb, when did this house get so ghostly?
How come all these dead men suddenly wanna roast me?
Seems every corpse in this nation’s bent on being a pest--
Makes a guy wanna ditch and start a country out west.
But if it’s Hate Aaron Burr Day, let’s get on with the show.
Who’s next? Step right up, you can all have a go.
BUTTON GWINNETT
It’s me, big G, that is: Button Gwinnett
BURR
Who the eff are you, man? Have we even met?
GWINNETT
I signed the Declaration, the next year I was dead
This time I ain’t quittin’ til my piece has been said.
BURR
I’m going back to bed.
ALEXANDER HAMILTON
Wait!
BURR
Please, not another mad ghost.
HAMILTON
Hardly. It’s me, A dot Ham, and it’s your fault I’m toast.
BURR
Shit. I’m sorry.
HAMILTON
Did you think of my family when you fired your gun?
Eliza’s grieving a husband now as well as a son.
My children lost a parent. Thanks Aaron! Apparently
Bein’ orphaned yourself doesn’t cause solidarity.
BURR
Hamilton--
HAMILTON
And what about your daughter? I thought you raised her with pride.
From now on she’ll catch flak for her dad’s homicide.
They’ll say, “Look! It’s Theodosia, Aaron Burr’s little girl.
Hamilton’s decomposin’ and it’s all ‘cause of her.”
Good luck making your case, Mr. Talk-Less-and-Wait-for-It
When your daughter’s lost face over hand-me-down hate for it.
BURR
Alexander, I’m sorry, I should’ve taken a breather.
I didn’t mean what I said to George Washington either.
They cast me as a villain, so I’ve played it to the hilt
In public life I’m not willin’ to display any guilt.
But in private--oh god--I can’t stand the remorse
I survive it still but I’m just staying the course.
I’ve got no excuse for my uncontrolled blunder
I was stupid obtuse, now you’re cold six feet under.
HAMILTON
Hang on, did you just apologize, Burr?
I have to admit, you’re surprising me sir.
But I didn’t leave my grave just shame and chastise you
In fact, you could say that I came back to advise you.
BURR
Okay.
HAMILTON
Aaron Burr, I won’t lie, I don’t think you’re the best
(Though I maybe kinda biased by the wound in my chest.)
Still, you’re not the worst either, screw what Lafeyette thought.
And if you give up on life, then my death was for naught.
I returned from the dead ‘cause you’re facing a choice.
Do you keep talking less or do you raise up your voice?
BURR
I thought I raised my voice plenty last primary season.
HAMILTON
And I endorsed Jefferson. Well, I had my reasons.
But now Thomas runs the country at the whim of his vanity;
Burr, you’re his Vice President! Mitigate this insanity.
At least one politician’s gotta stand for humanity.
BURR
How?
HAMILTON
Come on, Aaron Burr, check what you’ve got:
You have brains, you have guts, and you’re a hell of a shot.
I’d think your law degree from Princeton would open some doors
There’s a million different causes you could take on as yours.
We got crime, we got debt, Jesus Christ there’s still slavery
Our society’s flaws demand tact, smarts and bravery.
You’re an abolitionist, ain’t it time you pulled rank for it?
900,000 slaves would probably wanna say thanks for it.
BURR
My term’s almost up.
HAMILTON
But your career’s in full swing
If you wanna play ball, then throw your hat in the ring!
BURR
But--
HAMILTON
I’ll cut to the chase, Burr, it’s time for some candor:
We know what you fell for, now what’ll you stand for?