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Today has felt like one of the longest days of James's life. It started off small with walking up late and having to rush through getting dressed, and running down to the great hall so he could quickly scarf down some breakfast before transfigurations. He wasn't late to class, at least not that one, he was able to arrive there about a minute before it started just as minnie walked in.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful other than most of the usual things that James’s friends got up to. Sirius and Remus had another one of their petty fights at lunch that ended with them snogging in a broom cupboard. Pete was nervous about his upcoming chess match like he always was the day before even though he was going to win like he always does. Marlene was talking about her plan to surprise Dorcus this weekend. There were the regular going ons of school and class, assignments being handed back, the familiar flash of inky black hair in the hallway.
It was all very normal but still James was just tired, he just wanted to curl up and spend time with his boyfriend. Merilin, he just wanted to cuddle up with Regulus in his dorm, Reg could get Barty and Evan to leave the dorm for a bit so they could spend some time together. It would all be fine, he just has to make it a bit longer and it was fine until it wasn’t. Slughorn was making his final announcements and ramblings, when Snivellus came up to him and Lily just as they were finishing bottling up their potion.
“Potter, hey Potter” Snape walked up to him as Lily walked to put their potion away. “Potter!”
“What Snape?” I snapped back, “what do you want?”
“You might wanna treat me a little better than that” he said with a smug look on his face.
“Excuse me”
“Oh Potter, I know” he responded with a grin
“Know what?” Merlin James did not have patients for this, he just wanted to curl up with his boyfriend for a bit and bit and be left the hell alone. But Snape just continued to give him a self assured grin. “ Bloody hell Snape what are you even going on about and if it's not important than leave me the hell alone.”
“Potter I think you’ll find this quite important, you see I know about your little relationship with baby Black.”
With those words James felt everything freeze. His chest tightened and his breath became uneven and everything became too much.
“Wha… What are you talking about?” James struggled out the words. Fuck how did he know, only Evan, Barty, Pandora and Lily knew. Evan and Barty only knew because they were Regulus' roommates and had caught James and Regulus in compromising positions. They hadn’t even told Sirius yet, they were going to, they had planned to tell him over christmas break which is just a month away.
“Don’t play dumb with me Potter, I just thought you should know who is going to tell everyone about your little scandal with the black spare.”
“n..no you can’t, please. Please Snape” shit he probably seems so pathetic right now and he doesn’t even care, Snape can’t, he can’t do this to them, to Regulus he may not be in that houses anymore but that doesn’t mean that Walburga doesn't still write him letter saying less than kind things a few times a month. This would cause her to lose it, it would probably be worse than when she found out about Sirius and Remus.
“I wasn’t asking you Potter, there is nothing you can do to stop me from making sure everyone in this school knows about you and little Black.” He said with that same shitty grin. “I’m only telling you now because I wanted you to see the look on your face when your world crumbled.” and with that he walked away leaving James in his own shock.
He couldn’t do this, he couldn't. Fuck, this was all his fault, he and Reg were going to get outed to the whole school and Sirius was going to find out and not from him, and regulus was going to hate him and break up with him, and Sirius was never going to talk to him because he lied, and neither would any of his other friends and…….
“James. James!” He came back to it to see Lily, Sirius, Remus standing in front of him.
“Hey Prongs, you're ok, we’re here ok. What happened mate, Lily said she came back from putting your potion away and when she came back you were panicking” Sirius was standing directly in front of him with a look of concern on his face.
“I… i..” Shit, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’t do anything, his chest was tightening and everything was just too much. He felt like he was drowning, he wanted to feel comfortable and safe and loved, he wanted Regulus. But Regulus wouldn’t want him, not anymore, not after Snape told everyone and ruined everything. Merilin, he just wanted this to stop, for the thoughts in his head to stop, why wouldn’t they stop.
“Prongs, hey it ok, it's ok.” Remus was trying to calm him down and placed a hand on his shoulder he ment as a kind gesture but it was too much and it pushed James over the edge. He jerked away from his three friends as tears started to fall down his face.
“No, no, I… I.. I can’t”. It was all too much, consuming him and his every being, James felt like he was drowning in the storm of his own mind, and right now he was going to let it happen.
“James Honey, what do you need?” It was Lily's voice that interrupted his thoughts this time. “What can we do for you? I promise we just want to help you”
“I… I need him” James was able to force out the words. “But…. but hes gonna hate me, he's going to hate me after this”
“James, I promise nobody is going to hate you.” Remus said, trying to reassure his friend.
“Yeah, mate plus I don’t even think that anybody could hate you, your Prongs.” Sirius said with a smile, he was trying to calm his best friend down. He knew James had panic attacks but he had only seen them one or twice before, so he genuinely had no idea what might help him calm down.
Unfortunately Sirius’s comment just made James cry harder “no pads you don’t understand, you're gonna hate me after this too, and I’m gonna lose you both and I can’t do it, I can’t I need both of you.” James was rambling out, and continuing to trying calm down his breathing, which was really just making his breathing more erratic.
“Prong I promise nothing you could ever do could make me hate you ok? Nothing.” Sirius looked down on his friend on the floor as part of him broke, he hated seeing his friends like this especially when it seemed like there was nothing he could do to help.
“ James, honey, who do you think is going to hate you?” Lily asked, at this point she was debating on getting Regulus, she knows that he goes to him for nearly everything and so he's probably one of the best people to help.
“Re- Reg- Regulus” James stuttered out as he started to sob harder.
“Oh James he could never hate you” Lily told him reassuringly
“N-no you don’t understand not after this S-snape is going to tell everyone and he's going to hate me.” At this point James was crying the hardest yet and it didn’t look like it was going to be getting better.
“What?” Remus and Lily both asked and they sounded angry, its never good when Remus is angry and its not good if Lily's angry either but if both of them are mad then bless the poor soul who's going to have to face their wrath.
“James, what is Sevurus going to tell people?” Lily said in her best attempt to be calm.
“ Ab-about me and Reg?” James respond with a sniffle
“What about you and Reggie?”
“Sirius not now.” Remus said hushing his boyfriend for the moment even though he knew he had plenty of more questions to follow that one.
“Ok”. Lily said while trying to stop her face from becoming as red as her hair. “James, sweetheart Remus is going to take you back up to your dorm room, meanwhile Sirius is going to go get his brother and I’m going to go find Pandora, Evan, and Barty and then the four of us are going to have a little chat with Sevurus”
“But” james tried to question but was swiftly cut off
“No buts. Ok.”
The only response Lily got him was a small nod. Remus then helped James get to his feet as he led him towards the door. “Don’t start your chat with Snivellus without me, ok?” Remus called to Lily as they were leaving the classroom.
“I wouldn’t dream of it, Remus.” Lily said as she stalked off to go find her girlfriend and their crazy friends
Remus helped his friend on the slow ascend up to Gryffindor tower without trying to touch him in any way knowing that that would most likely overwhelm the other boy even more. The usually enjoyable walk today felt painful. Over the trek to the tower James had started to slowly calm down a bit, with his tears starting to slow, but his breath kept its uneven pace. Eventually they arrive at the portatie and Remus quickly muttered the password, and he hoped Sirius was able to find Regulus as soon as possible because the longer he saw James like this the more concerned he became.
The two boys walked through the common room and directly up to their dorm in silence, the only noise as they entered the room was James' unsteady breath. Fuck, where the bloody hell was Sirius with Regulus, the taller boy had a feeling that James and Regulus had gotten closer than just friends but this was a confirmion for him. The two brothers could not be so far behind them given that the Slytherin dorms are in the dungeons as well and they were most likely running opposed to the slow walk James and Remus had partaken in.
Just on cue the door to their shared room slammed open and the two raven haired brothers walked in both with matching looks of anger and concern on their faces. Although Regulus' frustrations seemed to crumble the moment he saw his distressed boyfriend.
“Oh mon Soli, love what happened?” The younger boy asked, as he approached his distraught boyfriend. The only response he was met with was a pitiful whine, which just made Regulus heartbreak even more. “That's all right darling, is it ok if I touch you?” The raven hair boy asked quietly as he sat down next to the older boy on the bed, leaving enough space between the two for James to not feel overcrowded but enough that he still knew he was there. But the premade space didn’t matter because the moment Regulus finished his question the space between them was closed and James was sniffling quietly in his arms.
“Oh love, it's ok I promise. Sirius told me a bit of what happened on the way up, and I want you to know that I’m not mad at you and I could never ever hate you mon Soli.” The younger boy was trying to reassure his boyfriend as well as calm him down without having the full story and also without allowing his anger at whoever upset his boyfriend to this extent.
“You don’t- you don’t.” He gasped out
“No love, of course not.” Regulus' heart broke once again, as wrapped his arms tighter around the older boy, while running a claiming hand up and down his back. Merilin whoever hurt his James was going to pay, he was going to make sure of that.
“B-but Sevurus is going to tell ev-everyone about u-us.” the distraught boy hiccupped out.
Oh that was news. Well now he was going to kill Snape, what Regulus couldn’t understand is why James was so distraught over this and why would he think that Regulus would be mad and hate him for it.
“Well I’ll have to have some word with Sevurus then” the black hair boy responded coldly, “but mon soli why would that make me hate you?”
“Be-because then everyone is going to find out about us, and- and about you, and the your moms going to find out and then-”
“Jamie my love I'm not even going to let you finish that sentence. I couldn’t care less what my mother has to say anymore, especially because thanks to you I no longer have to see her. And if Snape is the one who is sharing even though it's none of his business then why in the world would I be mad at you.”
“Because it’s my fault.” he gasped out.
“Oh, darling, no it’s not, and I could never be mad at you for something that isn’t your fault. Ok?”
“Yea”. the older boy held on to him even tighter and was responded to with a kiss on the forehead.
“Do you feel a bit better now mon soli”
James just nodded into Regulus neck while humming in satisfaction “Wait! But wha- what about Sirius, he isn't upset.”
“No mate, of course not. Plus I was like 90% sure that you two were together anyway I have been for a while. Pete and I were betting on when you were gonna tell us officially.” Sirius said with a laugh.
“Wait you knew.”
“No officially, but we had a feeling, I mean we’ve seen the way you too look at each other.”
“And your not upset?” James asked quietly
“No, of course not mate. As long as you two are happy, yeah. but if you do hurt him I will kill you ok?”
“Yea, yeah ok.” James responded with a slight smile.