Archive of Our Own

Shadow doesn’t dream, for several reasons.

Firstly, there was no real need for him to be able to rest. He, of course, was the ultimate lifeform. He didn’t have time for mortal bodily needs; that’s what made them so inferior in the first place. No, clearly, those behind designing him were sure that their weapon was of peak health at all times. If Shadow did feel exhausted from battle, it was nothing a few injections and rest in the vat chamber couldn’t fix. Of course, in the modern day, that is a little harder to get his hands on.

Secondly, if there was a scenario where Shadow was unconscious, that was due to blunt forced trauma and not due to his need to rest. Fainting does not trigger the process to dream, therefore, there would never be a case where Shadow could dream. His biology simply made it impossible. 

Well, it would be impossible if he were still aboard the ark managing his day to day activities of testing, training, and so on. Of course, there wouldn’t be a hypothetical where Shadow would fall unconscious; the ultimate lifeform would never be so puny and weak in battle.

Finally… well…
There have been scenarios where Shadow rested, actually. Despite all the efforts to make it impossible, there had been times too much for Shadow’s hedgehog form to handle. In his first coming days of this new feeling, exhaustion that is, the hedgehog made every attempt to keep himself awake. Pain, coffee, you name it. Of course, his colleague, Rouge, had made an immense attempt to convince him otherwise; that his time on the ark wasn’t indicative to how he should live his life now. Shadow scoffed at first; did she not know? Surely, she could not be so ignorant as to the fact that he was a weapon. A perfectly crafted sword that would stop at nothing, not even rest, to achieve his goals. And, embarrassingly, he had been proven wrong hours later when his mental psyche had no chose in the matter and he collapsed. He had collapsed in the absolute worst place as well.

In the middle of a race with Sonic.

Being in an unconscious space, Shadow did genuinely believe the events were real. That his dreams were indeed true. He remembered the smell as well- a metallic, hospital smell that was disgusted by wallpaper, popcorn and perfume. Opening his eyes, Shadow surveyed his surroundings, and his heart quickly pumpled to the floor. It was a room he was very very familiar with, as the constant beeping of hospital monitors could never truly leave his head at times.

Maria’s room was comforting, but once you looked passed the decoration, wallpaper and charm that made the place a home, the horrible realities of her situation came crashing down. The absolute perfection and clean state of the walls- the monitors just east of her bed- and, of course, the chamber just before her room that cleans you of any germs. Shadow’s breath caught in his throat, looking down at the sheets of the single bed that he had slept in many times- the blue and green flowers patterning the comforter. They were rinked and disturbed by the sleeping figure there, whose heart and breath matched each other as she snoozed away.

Shadow nearly cried immediately.
Truly, was he back on the ark? Was… was Maria alive? His gloved hand reached down to her hair, patting it slightly. Yes, indeed, that was real hair, and… her face her skin… she was real.

“ Maria…” his voice broke, whispering barely above the monitors.
Was this… before the ark disaster? Did he go back in time- how? How was he here? There was a part of his mind that told him he had to move- to tell Gerald- anyone that something terrible was about to happen. If he was truly in the past- he had to make some kind of action to protect her! 

Didn’t he?!

But--
But sitting here on her bed, curled up to her side, all of Shadow’s immortality and weaponhood went away, and he was nothing but a miserable hedgehog longing for her touch. He would give anything to hold her again- embrace in the warmth of his older sister. She was the one, amongst all his training, that held him and assured him that he was doing well amongst the pain. Who wiped his tears and held him close and said how much she loved him. They danced- they sang- they were everything to each other…

Maria, from the first time they met, fell in love with him and quickly assured him as a younger brother. And no scientist had anticipated that such a bond would be reciprocated. Technically, he wasn’t allowed to be near Maria since everyone was on their guard about her health. But, since he was the ultimate lifeform, he carried no such small disease that could trigger something cataclysmic. 

This room was full of memories- like that dent in the wall. (A smile tugged at his face) Heh- he remembering being excited about his pair of air shoes- Maria asked to try them on which resulted her colliding in the wall. Shadow was horrified, but Maria laughed so much and assured him that she was fine that the moment seemed sweet to him now. And the record player- he… there was a song she loved- that he loved- and she would play it all the time. But… especially when he was hurt and needed anything to get his mind off things.

Here, things seemed simpler… like all the horrors that happened to him in the labs was just a distant memory.

…would it be so cruel of him to want that back again?

So, slowly, Shadow lowered himself back onto the comforter. Maria, lying on her back, smiled at the returning warm and wrapped her arms around it. Shadow, in an instant, felt the warm liquid protrude from his eyes, running down her neck and onto the pillow just below it. For a moment, just a moment, he felt his muscles relax, closing his lids and exhaling finally-

But, it only takes a moment for it all to go wrong.

Beep…

Beep…

…

“Maria?”

Blaring alarms- a death whistle rang through the room.

Shadow’s head shot up, his eyes wide awake as they connected with the monitor screen-

Flatline.

“Maria!”
When he went to glance down at her again, she had vanished, and the bed itself was beginning to melt. A black, tar-like substance moulded around the bedsheets and the walls-- dripping dripping dripping until the room began to fill with its horror. There was a horrible feeling shooting through his veins-- blood colt his fingers numb- his heart pounding pounding pounding in his ears-- he’s only felt this once before-- and-- and--

Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog.
A hand shot up from the tar- one made of its own substance, grabbing him by the front and dragging him back to the depth. The struggle was messy- his limbs feeling sporadic and detached from his body. Another shot up- and another-- grabbing him from every angle making him sink down--

“Shadow”

For a moment in the horror, there was a single word that drew all his focus. Looking up from his state- Shadow locked eyes with the girl he was lying with moments ago. Only-- she was wearing what she was on the day- on that day, and her expression nothing positive. From the depths of the tar, she reached down and returned a handgun enscripted with a logo from the organisation that killed her.

The same weapon that killed her.
He remembered a bang, a look of horror, and his own voice screaming her name.

And suddenly, he was outside.

Awaking in a fit, screaming, Shadow clutched both his hands to his head- panting- wailing- tears erupting from his eyes. The air of the night hit him hard- cold and unforgiving and making his shivering so much worse- Every bone in his body felt the itch to run- but everything felt so numb and weak- It was unlike anything he had faced before. Maria- where was she--

He had to- He--

“W-Woah! Shadow, calm down buddy! It’s just a nightmare--”

..Sonic?

Amongst his hyperventilating breaths and his numb fingers clutching his face, the vision of the blue hedgehog came in front of him, face plastered with worry. His hands were awkwardly at either side of him, his face red and panicked, clearly unsure of what to do. The worst part about it was that Shadow didn’t either, the constant hammering of breaths against his chest started to ache terribly, and one of his hands fell down to manage the pain.

He… He must of collapsed during the race-- Sonic found him-- Mobius, this is terrible
In such a moment of vulnerability, Sonic, of all people, found him. He took his rivalry with Sonic very seriously, and now this was too much. Shadow crying and wailing like a baby- he is a weapon . Sonic would never respect him or see him the same way-- all this nonsense because of a dream.

Sonic, not that he would ever admit it, is someone that he looked up to.

Amongst diving for him when he fell to earth, Shadow had seen a very empathic and honourable side to the hedgehog. He always believed in doing the right thing, even if it meant saving those he loved over the end of the world. To him, family and friends was everything and, somehow, that included Shadow. His cockiness and joking nature was frustrating . But, all the while, it absolutely fired him up. Made his heart race- pushing him absolutely to show off in front of his rival. He had to prove to him that he was superior.

He chased the feeling constantly- no one truly made him feel this way other than Sonic.

So, that’s why the shame was so terrible in his stomach- the thought of Sonic viewing him different- going easy on him- he couldn’t stand it.

The pain was getting worse, his shaking violent as his sobbing grew into a combination of fits of coughs and terror-- his chest-- was he dying?

“Shadow-! Shadow!”
And, of course, Sonic was here. It made it a thousand times worse.
He had made some pathetic attempt to quell his fit by sucking in his breath as much as he could- but it only led the exhales being more violent and filled with coughs. His teeth gritted- he was pathetic-- how could he let this happen-
“Shadow, you’re not dying-! It’s okay… listen to me focus on my voice… lean back there’s a tree behind you- it’ll let you relax more-”

… was Sonic trying to help him?

Shadow cracked an eye open, seeing Shadow’s blurry silhouette amongst the darkness. The moon had been behind him, illuminating his electric blue fur to make him distinct against the ebony darkness. His face was plastered with worry, but he tried his very best to make a strong face for his panicking rival…

He.. he was?

Grunting and sobbing amongst his gritted teeth, Shadow followed his instructions, feeling an oak trunk against his back and taking the pressure off keeping himself straight. His head lolled back against the sturdy wood, the pain in his chest subsided as it became his main focus--

“G-Good! Good; you’re doing great- Shadow…”
Several more minutes, possibly tens of minutes, were spent Shadow listening to Sonic’s voice trying to coach him. The feeling was so unique for him it took longer than it probably should- but Sonic did not complain or scoff at him- patiently helping him along the way and giving him things other than the sudden panic to focus on…

Thankfully, finally, his breath returned to a steady rate and the pain in his chest ebbed away. The tears subsided, his bones no longer number and all that was left was a deep pit of shame. He had heard of panic attacks before- and he never scoffed at them. Maria indeed had had nightmares in her time- but never a reaction such as this. It was terrible, sinking feeling, one that rendered him entirely pathetic. No, of course, having a panic attack wasn’t pathetic, but for him , the ultimate lifeform, it was a disgrace. He was a weapon. A monster. He doesn’t get deterred by needless thought.

But it had felt so real…
So so so real…

That is why Shadow doesn’t dream.
Because anytime he’s tried, it’s been a nightmare. Shadow knew it was a divine punishment- that his failure to save her was drilled back into his mind anytime he tried to rest. That he was deserving of this pain, because he was a weapon and he had to grow numb to it all, numb to her.

When Shadow acknowledged Sonic, it was a quiet and disgruntled “thank you, Sonic”. The words seemed to give the blue hedgehog some kind of reassurance, and relief, that he had indeed helped Shadow through such an experience. Shadow forgets what he had said at the time, but it was something along his usual quip of “always here to help” or “no problem”.

The next day, surely, was what Shadow dreaded the most.

See, Sonic and him had an… interesting relationship.
At this point in their rivalry, this was the first real-rime that Sonic had seen Shadow in a vulnerable state. They had shared a look of horror from when Shadow fell to earth, but this was a rare emotion Sonic didn’t even know Shadow was capable of. Before this, it was all fun and games of racing, battling, insults between one another in an ultimate fight to see who was the best. Shadow was sure Sonic treated it more as a game, but Shadow was determined to prove to Sonic that he was the superior lifeform. In times of his victory, Shadow got immense satisfaction over Sonic’s shameful sentiment “okay okay, you win.”

But after this moment, things had shifted.

Sonic never treated him any differently, as he knew Shadow would hate that. Shadow expected Sonic to use it as leverage against him, or worse blackmail. But he didn’t, simply refusing to acknowledge it unless Shadow gave the green light. But it wasn’t as if the event had removed itself from Sonic’s memory. In fact, in many ways, it gave Sonic a new found respect for Shadow. Suddenly, a lot of Shadow’s boundaries were respected, especially that about touch, and there was a much greater acknowledgement for his achievements. 

Perhaps Sonic realised that Shadow was much more than a weapon… what a ridiculous thought. It didn’t mean that Sonic and him didn’t bicker; of course, they did. They still despised one another as much as they had the other's back, for truly, they were both a friend and a foe all at once.

It seemed normal up until this point, but the thing that made their relationship interesting was several months after this first panic attack enduced nightmare. Rouge had a club near the heart of the city, where her living quarters were upstairs. She had graciously offered him a place to stay, which he accepted after weeks of reluctance. The bat agent was actually the rather charming roommate, albit other than the nosy parties that would disturb his reading in the late hours of the night.

One night (evening), when feeling groggy, Shadow could feel the arms of sleep beginning to grab him, which quickly made his book snap shut in alarm. Whenever he did sleep, he made sure not to do it here. Sonic knowing his insomnia was bad enough- let alone Rouge being even remotely acknowledging of it. Without the words of the page keeping his mind distracted, his ears shited over the music playing just a few floors below him.

Right… Amy’s party.

Miss Rose thought it would be most appropriate to host her birthday at Rouge’s club as it was a great center point for many people and a wonderful venue. Shadow had already made face earlier that night, giving her a present he spent far too long picking up and singing happy birthday (he absolutely did not sing). But once the dancing had begun, and worse socialising, the recluse retreated back to his room in the apartment.

But now, starting to grow tired, Shadow thought perhaps the social awkwardness would keep him awake for a few more hours of consciousness before he managed to slip away unnoticed.

So, that’s how he found himself at the bar, some kind of carbonated beverage in hand as he leaned against the wall, watching the dance floor. He was more in a tucked-away part of the venue, and his colours made it easy to blend into the shadows. Fine, just the way he liked it.

Unfortunately for him, his returned presence was not unknown as several people came to greet him, including Sonic. The blue hedgehog had re-greeted him with Amy before a song of hers that she adored hit the stereo and she quickly bid him goodbye to dance. So, now, with Shadow leaning against the wall with his right foot propped against it, Sonic and him stood side by side.

“Couldn’t resist the party, could ya’ Hot Topic?” Grinned Sonic, his fingers fiddling with the umbrella in his martini glass. Shadow knew that Sonic did not drink often, and he wasn’t one to get wasted so, unfortunately, anything Shadow said or did would be remembered.

“Hardly,” Shadow scoffed, rolling his eyes and looking back at the dance floor.
“I could barely sleep with all this noise. I don’t see why it’s necessary for parties to continue on this late” Shadow, at this point, had managed to convince Sonic that he no longer suffered from night terrors. Foolishly, he believed him.

Sonic smirked, rolling his eyes in a mocking fashion and polishing off his drink, sliding it to the bartender.
“And yet, somehow you’re still down here with a drink.”

Very true, Sonic makes a good point. Shadow could have skated off and, honestly, he’s a bit confused why he didn’t.
“Don’t push your luck.” He decided instead, which made his rival erupt in a laugh.

“C’mon, admit it!” He pressed, Sonic placing his forearm against the wall, next to Shadow’s face. Quickly, the ebony hedgehog became alert, but his expression not changing.
“You like being here. I’d even say you’d like being around us.”

Shadow scoffed, placing his drink also down at the bar and folding his arms immediately. Both their glares were firm, but Sonic’s face still held a permanent smirk, his teeth grinning through his lips. The temperature of the room quickly began to rise, their faces in spitting range of one another as Sonic leaned against the wall.

“Birthdays are important to you all. It would be impolite to disappear for longer than I was.”
His voice rumbled in the back of his throat. Shadow put his foot back on the ground and stood at his full height, taller than Sonic, but not by much. The venom exchanged between the two of them did nothing to aid in the rising temperature, scowls prominent and glares electric. Sonic still had his hand against the wall, Shadow’s back still riding against it. The ebony headhood cleared his throat and continued.

“Besides, if there was anyone who needed to be taught about being punctual…” In a moment, Shadow reached a hand forward on Sonic’s jacket. With his other hand, he pushed Sonic’s free hand off the wall. The hedgehog began to fall forward as a result. But, before he could gather his bearings, Shadow stepped around the other and spun the both of them around. One hand on Sonic’s jacket, and the other against the wall, Shadow pinned him against it, the breath of his words falling warmly against Sonic’s muzzle.

“... it would be you.”

Face red and expression flustered, Sonic suddenly lost all cockiness and quip for an aura of surprise. His throat tried to get out some word, but it was trapped under Shadow’s eyes. Their expressions swapped and suddenly, Shadow was the one who was smirking. Sonic’s dismay didn’t last for long, however, his own smirk rising in an instant despite his face being red. And, somehow, amongst the tension and venom, the two of them cracked out chuckles amongst the back of their throats. The escaping air passed both of their muzzles, the heat amongst making sweat pressed against their temples. Shadow, when he opened his eyes again, truly got a shot of Sonic’s whole face- his emerald eyes, his tan fur- the little scars and gashes he had gotten from his adventures. His features were soft by angular… and… for a moment, there was a thought that crossed his mind--

He wanted to be smothered in it.

And, that’s when it happened, Sonic made a move.
It was too fast for Shadow’s reaction time to kick in, but, amongst their laughing breaths and the distance between them, Sonic took the opportunity to close it. Their muzzles brushed against one another, their lips making constant as Sonic fiercely pushed his chest against the hand that held him against the wall. 

A million thoughts raced through his head at once- repulsion, desire- the very war inside his mind pressed and fought against any stable instinct he had. But, with Sonic against the wall and he making the move to press their lips together, Shadow caved into the feeling, his hands pulling the hedgehog into himself like the blue hedgehog attempted to do.

Shadow was never one to acknowledge his feelings-- he always knew that there was a spark between him and Sonic- the way he made him feel… did Sonic share such a feeling? Such an electric spark between their quills? But he- he loathed Sonic, did he not? Loathed him and wished he were dead sometimes- wanting to crush him into the ground--

Wait, what was he doing!?

Instantly, Shadow’s eyes shot open as he made an attempt to move away, his face now burning as he shoved Sonic against the wall, but reeling his own head back. His lungs gasped for air, the kiss taking out any oxygen he previously had stored there. Sonic was panting too, the hit to the wall knocking out a bit more air. Seemingly satisfied with himself, Sonic was still smirking. Of course, his face was rose and boiling as well, but a small chuckle sneaked out amongst his cheeks.
“ You’re not that hard to fluster either, aren’t you faker?”

So, when Shadow says that their relationship is interesting, he is not lying.

Shadow had quickly retreated from the scene. Thank the stars that the two of them were concealed enough in the shadows- no one had seemed to catch eye of what they were up to amongst the crashing music. Sonic, of course, had tried to call out for him, but Shadow made no attempt to acknowledge it, heading up the stairs of his apartment of slamming the door shut.

Okay, perhaps the night terror would have been preferable to that.

It wasn’t to say he didn’t like the feeling, but it was another new feeling that Sonic, of all people, now had exposure to. First his vulnerable state after a night terror and now this? Shadow couldn’t imagine a worse scenario. If anyone else had found out about this, he was surely going to pack his bags and move to the neighbouring state. Perhaps, as a secret blessing, Sonic was also not the type to acknowledge his feelings of how he felt deep down. Although repression had it’s downsides, it meant that the business conducted between the two of them was strictly between them.

This was not, mind you, a one-off incident. In fact, Shadow wasn’t sure how many times they had been intimate. Nothing extreme, of course, but mocking kisses and even moments similar to Amy’s birthday somehow became accustomed to the two of them. Was it messy? Absolutely. Did either of them bother to talk about it afterward? Absolutely not. Clearly, there was some kind of desire beyond their rivalry, but, as far as anyone knew, it didn’t exist. Even to Sonic and Shadow.

So, is Sonic his friend? Kinda of. 

Sonic would absolutely call Shadow his friend. But Sonic was a strange combination of rival, desirable, and friend that Shadow couldn’t quite put his finger on. Was it a title enough for them to share a moment with one another after a long, fleeting, several-hour run?

Apparently yes.

In the present day, Shadow sat against a cliff, legs hanging off the edge. His back was against the grass, hands resting against his stomach. Heaves and sighs pounded against his lungs, sweat running down his face. The midnight breeze was comforting, being a cold and amazing feeling against his matted fur. Skating and going fast, of course, was one of his favourite things. But, even more was beating Sonic at his own game. The ebony hedgehog was still smirking about it, soaking in the moonlight in victory for his triumph against him.  Often, the two of them were matched in speed and tied often. But when one gained an advantage and managed to win against the other, the high was enough to induce gloating for weeks and weeks on end. And now, Shadow reveled in the glory. He didn’t rub it in Sonic’s face as much as he did to the other but his own pride felt the boost, and would continue to, for the rest of the night.

Sonic was not far away, lying down as well on the grass and panting. He had opted not getting close to the edge, as the cliff’s depths led to the crashing ocean yet was still close by (maybe 2 meters away). When Shadow glanced in his direction, his face was flushed with exhaustion and a disappointed scowl on his muzzle. It didn’t look that much like a scowl when comparing to Shadow’s usual expression, but it was distinct enough for Shadow to know that he was not happy about losing. That, surely, was going to do little to get Shadow off such a high.

He was the ultimate lifeform, he reminded himself.

Sighing contently, the ebony hedgehog felt his eyes beginning to close shut, inhaling deeply and letting his chest rise and fall with the wind.

Sonic and his relationship may be severely strange but, at the very least, Shadow felt very comforted by his presence. There was a very strange sense of identify that Shadow got from being around Sonic. He knew, undoubtably, who he was . And, it was very affirming for him when those conclusions were justified. But, at the same time, Shadow was also at his lowest around Sonic. Not because of Sonic, but he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And now, everything he didn’t like about himself was plastered on full display for his rival to gloat him with.

But Sonic never did.

No one really understood who Shadow was, or how he thought. Sonic did respect, however, what kind of mentality he had. No soft ushers or begging words was ever going to make Shadow convince himself that he wasn’t the thing he was created to be. A weapon. But, for the small moments where he began to crack, Sonic was there to make sure that he was alright. Oddly, by not pressuring him, Sonic gave him the little air he needed to be what he always wanted to be…

A mortal, maybe with a will to live other than to achieve his assigned purpose.

He…
He never really had any idea how he would communicate that to him…

The exhaustion from the race began to weigh on him, the cold breeze, the soft grass… the hedgehog’s muscles began to relax…

MARIA!

Instantly, Shadow rose up immediately, his heartrate spiking once more as he clutched his chest. A rock that his foot collided with fell off the cliff, bucketing toward the ocean below. What was he doing-? He couldn’t fall asleep now, not with Sonic here- Tsk, he was being stupid now. Being vulnerable now- he was better than this. He knew better than to just fall asleep when he got tired- he could handle his night terrors on his own--

“Do you still get them?”

Sonic’s voice cut through his inner monolouge immediately. Shadow’s fur stiffened up, his head snapping back into the other’s direction. The blue hedgehog had rose to sit up as well, legs crossed with a patient expression. Shadow scowled and looked in the other direction- tips of his ears burning with embarrassment.

“No.”

Sonic didn’t need to know about it. Well… he already knew about it, but he didn’t need to know how bad it had gotten. Surely not every time he went to sleep- Sonic knew he was a weapon. He didn’t need to be concerned about such measly things. It wasn’t any of his business.

“I get them too, sometimes.”
Instead, Sonic had continued.

Shadow said nothing, continuing his hard gaze against the ocean, washing the crashing and burning of the sea form. There was a softness to Sonic’s voice, one that he had only heard the night of Shadow’s first ever dream.

Perhaps, a voice reserved for him?
Don’t be daft.

The breeze was the only noise between the moment, Shadow’s ears flicking as Sonic’s voice continued.
“Maybe… maybe not as bad as yours… but I get them. About losing the city- my brother getting hurt… Amy...” Sonic laughed to himself “even Knux, that oaf. Ehehe… he would probably rub it in my face if I told him…

I try not to worry because it just makes everyone feel better if I’m cool and laid back. But sometimes… sometimes I worry about losing people I love…”

Not that Sonic could see, but Shadow’s expression began to soften. Perhaps Shadow’s night-terrors were a strange way that Sonic got closure from his one memories and horrors. Perhaps there was a comfort knowing that trauma was shared and that experiences shape who people are. And, honestly, the confession left Shadow speechless. He knew Sonic was strong, way stronger than you would first believe, but to admit that he too felt weakness when he didn’t want to...

“Even you.”

…it made his tough exterior begin to crack.

Shadow eventually turned his head around, seeing Sonic with his knees drawn and staring out into the abyss of crashing waves. Seeing Shadow move, the blue hedgehog met his gaze, his expression somber but somehow optimistic. It reminded him of… of how she would look at him- how Maria would assure Shadow she was okay after a scary medical episode… or how Shadow would reassure her after a long grueling training session… when he didn’t want to ruin her day with how beat up and battered he was…

“They’re still there…” Mumbled Shadow, his eyes fixating on the ground.
“They’re not gone. Every time I close my eyes I just see her.”

The impressive feat of honesty surprised even him, his eyes shut tightly as he refused to look Sonic in the eye. He never explained the extent of what his nightmares were about, but Shadow had a feeling that Sonic vaguely knew-- this was ridiculous.

“Every time?”

…

Shadow said nothing,  his head snapping back to the ocean. He said too much.

The silence embraced the both of them once more yet it was much less comforting this time. Instead of the cooling air that hugged him tightly, it was now a piercing set of icy fingers that nipped and bit at his sweat-soaken fur.

“Is… someone there to help you when you--”

“I don’t need help.”

His voice echoed off the mountain and into the valleys of the ocean before the crashing waves swallowed his words whole. His muzzle was beginning to glow red, his hands folding over his chest as his figure hunched into itself- the wind beginning to make his shoulders tremble. Nothing had been as bad as the first night, the one Sonic got a front-row seat to. Sometimes it was just a cold sweat, others it was a terrible mix of sobs and hyperventilation. He was the ultimate lifeform , this was pathetic. Why was he confessing in front of Sonic of all people?

Because Sonic was the only person he would tell this to, his mind spat back at him.

Did he just… cave? Did he trust Sonic that much? Of course… they had been friends on the battlefield… but to give into such vulnerability so easily…
What an idiot he was. And being here was making it worse. 

Shadow began to gather himself off the ground- the exhaustion was terrible after their run- and he knew that it would be at least an hour run home and--

“Wait-”
The blue hedgehog rose to his feet as well, taking a step toward the ebony one. Shadow did little acknowledge it, his head still poised in the other direction. Yet, he didn’t speed off.
“Shadow… I don’t think you’re weak for… being traumitised. And I know me saying that won’t change your mind but you need to know. Well, that’s how I feel anyways. Tails used to scold me for having suvivor’s guilt when… well…” he had a half laugh to himself “...when I thought you were gone.”

…Survivor’s guilt?
Shadow, at last, turned his head once more to face Sonic’s. His soft expression hadn’t changed, and he seemed overjoyed that Shadow met his gaze. Having gotten his attention he continued.
“Maybe if I did something more, you wouldn’t have fallen to the planet. Mobius knows how happy I was to hear that you survived. Because, if you hadn’t… I didn’t know what I’d do…”

Well, he had not expected this.

Sonic… mourned him? Why? He was a weapon- someone who wasn’t meant to be mourned. He should be wise enough to know that- he had caused such pain and anguish to the planet that day why would…

Sonic’s expression was bittersweet, and Shadow could tell from his gritted teeth and averted gaze that perhaps that was not an easy thing to say.
But if it meant giving Shadow closure, Sonic didn’t mind giving air to such insecurity.

After all, Shadow had done so already.

Shadow’s gaze followed Sonic’s to the floor, his lips in a thin line and eyes crunched in thought.
“I never knew you felt that way about me.”

Stupidly, Sonic began laughing.
A heat rose up in Shadow’s face, his head snapping up as he saw the previously soft look of the hedgehog now resume into that snarky, laughing smile he knew terribly well. Honestly, the chance of pace was appreciated, and too Shadow’s face began to scowl. That, of course, did not sway his surprise at the sudden reaction.

“Never knew?” Shadow raised an eyebrow, Sonic rubbing his hand under his nose as his expression too rose to meet that of the ebony.
“Shadow, how many times have we kissed now?”

What?
The sudden introduction of the topic that they had never discussed previously did little to resolve the heat on his face, his tan muzzle now hitting a new stage of ruby red. His ears ever changed slightly pink at the mention- shoulders still and hear trate spiking. Clearly, the reaction was what Sonic was looking for as he smirked, face also rising to a deep maroon colour.

“I think it’s kinda obvious how I feel about you.” Sonic concluded decidedly when Shadow had no verbal response.
“Well, I didn’t feel about you like that back then, but… between all that’s happened… you know…”

Sonic’s cockiness began to fade as the confession slowly became more serious, his left ear twitching as his gaze became more and more distracted with the scenery. Shadow was completely speechless, his gaze fixed at Sonic’s eyes. The confession felt strange, distant, but weirdly like Sonic. It wasn’t in a deep expression of his love, but rather, in a cocky fashion that highlighted Shadow blatant stupidity when it came to social normalities.  It was perfect, wasn’t it? The perfect representation of their rivalry? Surely, there was no scenario where Sonic would confess how he felt without getting a jab at Shadow in there. But, besides that, it hit Shadow in a way he didn’t expect. There was the obvious feeling of acceptance and validation at hearing Sonic say he was attracted to him… but also of his own feelings. He thought it would be ridicuously that a weapon like him would be subject to romantic interaction… but if Sonic did feel that way…

…was it possible?

The silence was clearing getting to the blue hedgehog- the awkwardness rising as Shadow’s stare did little to reassure. Quickly, Sonic began back peddling, a mask rising as he smirked awkwardly and stood to his full height.

“I totally would get how you would feel the same though-”

Shadow took a step forward.

“-and, let’s be honest, it probably would be better if we just kept it between us-”

And another step.

“-I mean, we’re rivals haha- it would it- mpft!”

Sonic’s rambling was harshly cut off by Shadow connecting his hand to his- all the words dying on his throat as his gaze suddenly snapped up to the other’s gaze. Once again, their expressions completely swapped, with Shadow’s face now beginning to smirk and Sonic’s growing flustered by the second--

“Shut up, hedgehog.”
And, in a moment, Shadow snaked his other hand to Sonic’s back and pushed the two of them close to one another. Their muzzles crashed against one another- the heat of one another sharply contrasting against the cold fingers of the night. Such nature was no bother, for both hedgehogs were only fascinated in one other’s presence. The desire the longing- it wasn’t hidden in shadows or a mocking way to get back at one another- it was on full display for creatures of the night. The moment lingered on, both of them trying to fight for control of exactly who was guiding who, but eventually the need for oxygen drove the both of them away. Their chests were still pressed against one another, Shadow’s chest fur pressing against that of Sonic’s clean cut. Their noses were still touching, their breaths and heat pressing against hitting the other’s muzzle.

When their eyes met again, Sonic’s cockiness had also returned, his hands finding Shadow’s shoulders and arm. His grin with toothy and voice low.
"You’re not worried I’m gonna run off and tell everyone?”

Shadow chuckled in the back of his throat, shaking his head with an air of amusement. Surely, Sonic knew Shadow’s fear of blackmail was crushed by now. Between the vulnerability of his first nightmare and the several times they had been intimate, there was nothing to fear. Still, that answer didn’t feel quite satisfying to say. So, instead:
“No one would believe you.”

Shadow never thought he would be one for physical affection, but he was slowly beginning to learn that was not true. Someone more socially intellectual than him would tell him several year long induced training would tell him that physical touch made him feel weak and exposed. But, Sonic had broken down that wall long long ago. Weirdly, the longer he spent around him, the more he learned about himself. After several minutes of this, the heightened exhaustion of their race seemed to catch up with the two hedgehogs, and they unspokenly agreed that sitting down was far less cumbersome. Leaning his back against a tree, Shadow sighed gratefully for the relief of rest, Sonic himself sitting beside him.

There was a moment where Sonic shuffled closer to him, clearly eager to hold him, but a part of him hesitated. Shadow gave him a small look as the blue hedgehog’s muzzle shamefully turned a deeper pink.

“Uh… how do you feel about physical touch?”
Physical touch was a huge part of Sonic’s identity. High fives, pats on the backs, hugs- it was a huge part of what made Sonic himself. Being physical showed Sonic how much he loved someone. For Shadow, it had been their sparse feats of intimacy, plus unreciprocated high fives and fist bumps on the battlefield. So, Sonic, being the respectful guy he was, presumably didn’t wish to violate Shadow’s boundaries when he had already gotten this far.

And, to be honest, Shadow didn’t really know where his boundaries were.

Shadow hummed softly, staring out at the vast ocean just a couple metres away from the cliffside.
“I don’t know… you would be the first…”

Shadow wasn’t sure if the ridiculousness had caught up to him yet.
Still, Sonic persisted with a new found determining at finding where that boundary is. Very slowly, the hedgehog shifted closer to him until their shoulders pressed against one another. Shadow’s heart felt tighter in his chest, and Sonic hesitated.
“Is that okay?”

Instead of immediately answering, Shadow moved his left arm from Sonic’s side to around his shoulders. Clearly, surprising the both of them, Sonic’s side awkwardly moved closer to Shadow’s frame, their torsos now touching at the ribs.

It wasn’t a bad feeling. Just different.
A good different, perhaps.

“It’s fine.”
Sonic seemed overjoyed, but did not say anything in fear of ruining the moment. Slowly, the blue hedgehog rested his head against his shoulder, sighing with relief as he closed his eyes slowly. Shadow had to admit it felt nice. His walls being down reminded him of being younger, when he had less to hide. And he wouldn’t have believed that Sonic got him here…

Slowly, his own eyes began to close, taking in the coldness of the air…

Shadow.

The ebony hedgehog jolted, the voice ringing in his ears. The shock had disturbed the other as well, shooking his head up concerned for the other. Shadow’s muzzle shifted into maroon, his ears pinning back against his skull.
“Sorry.”

Sonic’s expression was patient and he didn’t immediately say anything, his muscles slowly relaxing back into the other’s form.
“No, no. Don’t worry about it.”

The silence returned between the two of them. Shadow didn’t look back, assuming that Sonic had resumed falling back to sleep. Get yourself together Shadow, he scolded himself, this was not the time to be falling asleep. Not after tonight- no, no after tonight. He could stay awake until morning and--

“I would be here when you woke up.”
Shadow’s expression switched back to Sonic, who had not closed his eyes. Instead, he remained patient.
“You wouldn’t have to face it alone.”

Shadow huffed, his ears slowly rising back off his head, swallowing. Being accidentally vulnerable was one thing… but actively inviting it in was leagues he wasn’t prepared to face the consequences of. He did trust Sonic, he did. But… but would he understand at what lengths-

I get them too, sometimes.

Shadow exhaled through his nose, closing his eyes as he hit his head against the tree.
“It’s not pretty, Sonic.”

Sonic jumped at the small opening immediately, snickering as he hit his knuckles against Shadow’s hand.
“Dude, look at me. I look like shit right now, and are you judging me?”

Taking the bait, Shadow cracked an eye open at him. Yes, he did look rather scruffy- twigs and sticks in his hair from lying in the grass. That wasn’t even mentioning the cuts and sweat down his face and body from their race this afternoon. Shadow almost had the air to laugh, rolling his eyes in the other way.
“You can’t tell anyone.”

In victory, Shadow absolutely knew that Sonic was smirking. Still, the blue hedgehog shrugged, cockily saying to himself:
“Who would believe me?

XxX

Rays of her majesty’s sun rose amongst the sea. The world sighed heaves of relief of seeing her warmth; the flowers rose, the animals sang; surely everyone was happy to see the sunrise. The warmth of the orb in the sky brought a new comfort to the land, for the dark of the night had been banished for another few hours and the world could bask in the light.

From the cliffside, the rays had bounced off the crashing waves into that of Sonic’s eyes. Squinting and grumbling at the disturbance, the hedgehog’s throat let out a hearty yawn amongst the singing birds. The memories of the previous night were still present and a part of him was relieved it wasn’t a dream.

Muscles sore from sleeping on the grass, the hedgehog began to sit up-
Only he couldn’t.

The blue hedgehog finally cracked his eyes open to catch light of the disturbance, only for a smirk to rise on his muscle that was turning a rosette colour.

The two of them had tumbled off the tree. Sonic was lying on his back against the grass, one hand tucked behind his head to use as a pillow. Shadow, however, was not as opposed to physical touch as Sonic previously thought. Both his arms were tangled around the blue hedgehog, his chest firmly pressed against Sonic’s side and face buried into his chest. Their legs were a tangle and their arms even moreso. Shadow the hedgehog, of all people was a cuddler.

Sonic would surely laugh at him about this in the morning. But, for now, he didn’t think of disturbing him. Because for the first time in his life, Shadow didn’t have any nightmares.