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It's like the sky knows, the weather knows.
A heavy down pour plummets onto the dry soil, a rusty mailbox, a shiny car, the green awning, the darkened side walk that's far below their piddling feet.
The storm clouds cover the world like a ratty blanket, as if it’s saying they deserve to be punished. It’s sad from what it sees, it’s crying, it’s sobbing. Gon feels like crying he feels like sobbing— feels like punching and throwing something. If there’s one agreement Gon and the world can come to, it’s that what’s been done to Killua is a vile thing.
Leorio says he’s fine but Gon can hear the shallowness of his breath when it desperately fills his lungs, sees the pain in Killua’s tense body as they overwork. Hears the hesitance in his words when he says he’s okay, sees the cuts and bruises littering his fragile body in a mess of torment.
It’s not right that Gon is always selfish, that his actions frequently get Killua hurt when he only wants to be beside his best friend. That’s all Killua’s ever wanted and yes Gon has given him that, but at what cost? When does it come to a point where all the pain and the hurt isn’t worth it anymore? He knows Killua can handle his recklessness with ease but it’s wearing him thin, and it’s wearing Gon thin too.
Gon found his dad long ago and it sucks to know that it didn’t feel that gap, or rather nothing needed to be filled because Killua was there all along. He’s had what he’s sought— but he’s been so blinded by this far out goal that it’s taken sacrificing the one he really loves to get it. He wouldn’t be mad but he would certainly be sad if Killua decides he’s not worth it anymore, that Gon is not worth his unyielding support and devotion. Gon isn’t worth his body, his emotional nor his mental.
He would let him go but forever he would be caged in Gon’s memory. Killua would be in all the divots in his skin, he would be in Gon’s clothing he’s worn, in his bed they’ve sleep, in the blue sky they’ve gazed, and in the grassy fields they’ve ran. Forever to be gently held in the soft haven of Gon’s head.
Killua’s hair is cotton soft between Gon’s roaming fingers, he could pull them out like sheep’s fur and wear a shirt. It would be his favorite.
His skin is missing it’s fine, rosy hue, rather replaced by a grayish wash. How he would love to see the color return, only if he could treat his pale skin like a coloring book, one that’s blank and needs to be filled with color. He would probably color outside the lines though, so it’s better to let Leorio handle it. His hands are steady and capable, unlike Gon’s who are wide and briskly, callused but good for scratching along Killua’s scalp, over his itchy skin and under his chin.
He shivers, long but quick, curling into to Gon’s side like a cuddly cat. His heart buzzes pleasantly with love, call him sappy but it’s the best thing to see Killua seek him out. Especially in his unaware state, it’s good to know he finds comfort in him. Also odd because he doesn’t think he’d even trust himself, and Killua is very capable, smart and reliable, but he still does. That in itself is enough to give Gon a major confident boost. How could it not? When Killua looks at him as if he’s hung the sun.
He’s no incredible person, far from it actually. It’s a wonder Killua stays by his side when Killua is everything he believes Gon is. Incredible, reliable, kind, beautiful, warm hearted. He could go on forever to name all the best synonyms that fit his best friend. But he has no time because all his attention snaps away from the Killua in his memories, to the real Killua curled into him as he starts to rustle about. His breathing turns lighter and his face scrunches up, alerting to Gon that he’s on the cusp of consciousness.
Immediately Gon leans over and presses the button for Leorio. This’ll only be the third time Killua has woken since arriving here. The first he hadn’t even opened his eyes, just asked lots of questions in a fainted breath. The second time he did open his eyes but they were unfocused so he quickly closed them. That was last night and he was awake for no more than an hour before succumbing to sleep again, Gon had to reassure him where he was again as he had forgotten. It was worrying to say the least. Leorio is afraid of memory loss, and Killua hasn’t been up long enough for them to really test it. They don’t want to push him right now, he’s in a worse enough state physically they don’t need to take his emotions through a whirlwind.
Killua’s blue eyes open hesitantly, then they loll around, unfocused. He closes them and Gon heart deflates. “Gon?” His voice is tired, sounding withered and agitated.
“I’m here,” He scratches along Killua’s scalp, white hair tussling beneath his hand.
“We’re in—” he pauses, short of breath. “The hospital right?” He takes a wheezing breath in, it rumbles uncomfortably in his diaphragm.
“Yes, you’re right.” Gon wants to be happy that he’s remembered but it hard when Killua is so obviously not okay.
“Are you okay?”
“Killua, it’s you we’re worried about.”
“Oh,” he responds numbly.
Soon enough Leorio comes in with a bright smile and his signature white coat, making Gon wonder how he can smile so wildly, and so openly when Killua is so hurt, and sickly.
“Hey kiddo.” The doctor pulls out a chair and watches Killua closely with his eyes. “You feeling up to a check- up?”
“He just woke up.”
“That’s alright, I can just ask you a few questions while you get used to being awake. And then if you’re up for it we can get you sitting up and check how you’re faring, alright?”
Gon nods and Killua responds with a short okay.
“So tell me how you’re generally feeling. Soreness, pains?” Killua’s face scrunches
again and he turns to lay on his back,
Gon hovering concerned hands over him. He pauses there and takes himself in.
“My head.”
“Your head is hurting?”
“Yes, throbbing.”
“That’s pretty normal, it looks like you hit it pretty hard. Tell me how it feels on a scale, ten being the highest.”
“Five.” A number like that seems low but Gon knows, considering Killua’s pain level his five is probably someone’s ten.
“Okay, anything else hurting?”
A moment passes them, “chest,” he breathes deeply then winces, “seven.”
The doctor shares a look with him, “bud I’m not going to lie your lungs and your ribs don’t look too great. They’ve been hurt a lot, and not allowed to heal properly so it’s really wearing them thin.”
“Yeah,” he knows. And dammit, Gon should have known, should have paid more attention. Just how many times did Killua hide injuries from him? How many times could Gon have gotten him the treatment he needed? Would it be this bad if he would have?
“Those two are what I’m concerned about most. So, tell me bud. Can you remember everything clearly, childhood? Early teens?”
“Yes, memory is fine.”
Gon has taken notice to his short answers, like Killua is sparing as much breath as he possibly can. He’s never seen him outwardly show so much pain, it must be bad, really, really bad. He’s so damn worried. Why can’t he just be okay?
“Do you feel comfortable to try and sit up?”
“Leorio—”
“Yes.” Killua responds quickly evidently cutting him off.
“Wait, are you sure—?” Leorio shrugs at Gon’s hesitance.
“It’s fine, just take it slow, okay?”
Gon trusts that Killua knows his body’s limits. He isn’t trying to mother him or tell him what he should do and feel, but he’s scared that Killua is putting up an act for him. That’s he’s going to push himself too far to just prove a point.
He stops midway with a wince and a hitch of breath. “Killua,” Gon hovers over the small of his back.
“I’m fine.”
No you’re not, says the love in his heart and the ghost of his hand.
When he makes it up Leorio pulls out a paper brown bag Gon assumes to be his medical bag. “Alright, do you think you can open your eyes?” White lashes flutter, catching briefly on the glistening light that peaks out from the curtains. Although, he immediately squints and rubs them.
“Everything’s dizzy.” Again Killua blinks them open, rubs them and adjusts them till he’s able to keep them open.
Oh, how Gon has missed those beautiful blues. Even as they quiver they’re still the most pretty things.
Leorio brings out a mini flashlight and shines it directly into the blue iris of Killua’s eye. The boy flinches slightly, his eye blinking about. “Just follow the light.” He moves it steadily back and forth, attentively watching Killua’s pupils. “Okay,” he clicks it off. “Mmh, you definitely have a concussion but we already knew that.”
“Like,” Gon begins. “How bad is it? When will he get better?”
“A week or so, maybe quicker considering it’s you.” Leorio’s finger rolls up and points at Killua, receiving a pink kitten tongue in response. Gon chuckles at them. “Let me hear how you sound.” He pulls the stethoscope from around his long neck. “Take a deep breath,” he places the end to Killua’s chest and puts the listening pieces in his own ears.
Killua does as he’s told and Gon gives him a reassuring grin. He winces halfway through, hand clenching down on his stomach. “It hurts him Leorio.” His breathing sounds ragged and hallow, like a sort of loose whistling sound.
“I’m fine.”
“Kid, it doesn’t sound good. You’ll recover but I’m not going to lie bud, I don’t think your body can take this anymore.” He gestures vaguely to the cuts littering Killua’s pale skin. “One more hard hit and your lungs might collapse. What happens then, huh? Are you going to take care of yourself then? When your body is utterly ruined?” Gon knows, can feel Leorio’s hidden anger, he even understands it all too well. This can’t continue to happen, Killua can’t, shouldn’t be battered till he’s nearly dead anymore.
Those blue eyes hide behind his fringe, glassy and hesitant. He’s scared, Gon realizes. Scared of what? Gon hopes it to be the same thing he’s scared of.
Leorio sighs, deep and long. “Two weeks of recovery— and don’t even argue you’re not leaving here until I say you can.” Killua nods faintly, eyes on the floor. No argument in sight.
“Don’t worry Killua, I’ll keep you company!”
“Uhuh, don’t even forget young man you’re in recovery too.” If the knee brace and bandages are anything to go by.
He’s actually glad that he’s coped up in here with Killua. It’s better than to be kicked out at night, wondering if Killua’s okay, if he’s lonely, if he can sleep, if he’s having nightmares. He’ll sleep better here, without the worries of Killua clouding his head like a mist of anxiety.
Leorio leaves them shortly after checking Gon’s condition, which was much shorter considering he’s in much better shape than Killua. He only needs a couple days of rest here but he’s managed to convince Leorio to let him stay longer, just to be with Killua. What is he suppose to do without him anyways?
The recent check-up has his body wrung up like a wet towel. Killua’s condition isn’t good. He’s going to make a recovery but not a complete one, Leorio said he’ll probably have more trouble breathing from now on, with the state that his lungs are in Gon isn’t too surprised. But he’s incredibly disappointed. Something hopeful inside of him wished that Killua would be completely and utterly fine. Not a single scratch on his body like a blank canvas.
Although, no.
No, the world sobs and he sobs along with it.
—
A week later Gon is discharged, and much to his dissatisfaction Killua isn’t released with him. The first day isn’t pleasant and it’s not even because of the day, he spent all day with Killua inside the hospital and it was fine… it was the first time since he’d been admitted that Killua got to walking again. It was so exciting Gon jumped and hugged the boy without thought. He was like a baby deer, legs wobbly and weak but nonetheless he walked. Gon found it kinda cute. All smiley he kissed Killua in a way that was more than just smushing their happiness together. It was a great achievement but of course Killua was rather grumpy about it, “I’m sixteen, I should already know how to walk.” Gon scolded him for that.
But at night he was kicked out and made to find a place to spend the night. He found a hotel not far from the hospital Killua’s in, but he couldn’t sleep. As predicted he only thought of Killua.
He goes into the hospital first thing in the morning set with a goal. Although to proceed with it he needs Leorio’s approval first, he did say Killua wasn’t leaving without his permission and Gon isn’t keen on directing his wrath straight onto himself; even though he’s sure Killua would be fine with going against Leorio, like the sneaky delinquent he is. Finding Leorio isn’t too hard, for he merely pushes the same button he pressed when Killua woke a week ago.
Leorio comes in with urgency… Then it immediately deflates upon seeing Gon’s no good smiling face. “Are you serious, Gon?” His arms fall to his sides, “I told you to only press it for emergency’s, I thought something was wrong. And I’m still on the clock y’know! I have other patients.”
Gon scratches his head in what should be shame but he smiles sheepishly, “eh. Well, Leorio it is an emergency! I need to ask you something.” Then a sudden groan comes from beside Gon and suddenly the energy in the room shifts. “Hey,” he makes his voice soft and begins to comb his fingers throughout that soft cloud sitting atop Killua’s head.
“So loud,” like a cat those pale limbs stretch, stretch and stretch, his back arching. “You guys are,” a big yawn, “so loud.”
Killua’s improvement in the week he’s been here has been incredible, although still he’s clearly not okay but it’s enough to make Gon gleeful. “Killua, I was just making plans for us today.”
“Plans?” His white brow quirks up.
“Yeah, plans!” Killua looks as if his head is made of jelly, his confusion is pretty justified though, Gon supposes. He’s been coped up here for a week and fully prepared to spend another due to Leorio’s insistence, so plans are odd to hear.
“Killua’s not leaving end of story.” The doctor catches Gon’s ready look. “No, Gon. Killua just started walking yesterday. He. Isn’t. Going. Anywhere.” Leorio’s words are purposely dragged out and punctuated. Purposeful in his mission to not let Killua out of his vicinity till he deems him okay.
“I’m the last person that wants Killua to be hurt… I promise, Leorio I just want to get Killua out of here for a bit. Don’t you think he needs some sun? He’s been coped up here for a week.”
Leorio breathes out a long and deep sigh that Gon is getting used to hearing. It means he’s giving in. “What exactly are you taking about?”
“I know his lungs can’t handle much right now, so I was hoping you’d lend us a wheelchair.”
“Wait… Gon, are you serious?” Killua gawks at him from bed, and Gon is sure if Killua had the stamina to yell at him he would. So instead he seethes, “I’m not using a wheelchair.”
“What’s so bad about a wheelchair? I’ll push you around and all you have to do is have fun.” He mutters something so low Gon doesn’t hear, “huh?”
“It’s embarrassing,” Killua nearly whispers. “I’m supposed to be this elite assassin, yet I’m wheelchair bound?”
“But you’re an ex-assassin. And this doesn’t mean you’re not amazing, Killua you’re incredible no matter what you do. Besides it doesn’t mean anything to ride in a wheelchair once.”
“Hold up, I haven’t even agreed to this.” Leorio cuts back in.
“Leorio please,” with pleading eyes Gon turns to him and begs. “I’ll make sure his feet don’t even touch the ground!”
Leorio watches him with an annoyed but contemplative expression, before after a second that feels like he could climb the tallest mountain and even get a cup of coffee, it morphs into quick regret when he mutters; “fine.” Gon’s face lightens up. “But! I swear— if Killua comes back in a worse condition than he leaves in… I’ll wring your neck, Gon and maybe even yours, Killua.”
“Okay!” Excitement floods into his blood like healthy nutrients. It feels like it’s been forever since he’s properly had fun with Killua, without the pressure of a hunt looming over their heads like boulders of expectancy.
“I promise, I’ll take care of him.” The sentiment causes a soft blush to take up Killua’s face. He’s still on his bed, his body propped up on his elbow and a curious but embarrassed look on his face from the whole conversation revolving around his health. It’s silly, he thinks.
All this attention just for me…
—
The leafs are green, the sky is blue, and the birds sing a beautiful song. Killua watches with his eyes as blue as the sky above, they sparkle light and pretty. They make Gon wonder how long they’ve been yearning for the sun, the birds, and the sky.
Their throats remain without a buzz, rather they listen to the tranquility of the peaceful life around them. Silence between them has never been awkward, could never be awkward and will never be awkward. Rather they enjoy each others company, in the oxygen they breath, the steps they walk, and the smiles they share.
Gon takes Killua to a grassy field, it’s no place special but Gon believes that now he’s spending time with Killua here it is special. The grass is long and beautiful like slickly straw, it doesn’t stand alone for numerous flowers surround them like pretty accessories. From blues to pinks to reds they vary in color, all blending to be a perfect harmony against the paleness of Killua’s skin.
“I told Leorio that I wasn’t going to let your feet even touch the ground— but… I think it’s okay if you’re just sitting.” Killua hums along with his words, voice like a soft melody to Gon’s ears.
He helps the pale flowery boy sit amongst the landscape, and all of the nature surrounding him makes him look quite small. Gon smiles softly before joining him on the soil.
“It’s pretty out here… I mean…” Gon scratches the back of his head lightly, “I think you’re much prettier though.” He smiles sheepishly.
Killua turns to him with a knowing grin, white teeth poking out between his pink gums. “You flatter me.” He tries to play it cool but Gon sees the red dotting his light skin.
There’s love lodged somewhere inside of him. Somewhere between his belly and esophagus. He leans— and he feels it travel up his throat, Killua lips are on his— and it’s in his mouth, it escapes into Killua’s mouth, down his throat, into his belly, leaking and dissolving into his blood going straight through his heart. It pumps widely in his chest, strong with Gon’s love.
Killua’s hand grips tight to his wrinkled shirt, eyes glassy as he watches Gon. “Killua, I wanna make love to you… Right now.” Lips hot and moist are pressed against Killua’s neck, he gasps from the sensation. From Gon’s desire presented so blatantly before him.
“I don’t think I can handle that right now.”
“I know, I know,” he mumbles hurriedly to get Killua to understand, his hot breath fanning onto Killua’s sensitive neck. “I love you so much, I just want to make you feel good. I want to show you how much I love you.”
“You have shown me, Gon. This is all I need— your company and your attention.”
“I know, but I feel it so intensely that I feel like I need to express it in a greater way.”
“This is enough… You’re enough, Gon.” Killua nuzzles his nose right under the older man’s chin devoted to showing Gon through his little pecks upon his golden skin, how this has appeased and comforted him. “This is perfect you’ve picked the best place.”
“Why don’t we stay here for the night? Just me and you Killua.”
“Leorio’s gonna wring your neck.”
“Nu uh, he said only if you come back hurt. He didn’t say anything about when we have to be back.”
Killua hums, “that’s true.”
“It is true,” he pulls away from Killua’s semi hug and gives him another sweet, long kiss upon his rosy lips. “Lay down, come here.”
The two boys let their bodies fall to the soil, the grass tickles their skin and makes them itch, their hair and clothing dirty from the grains and leaves. But non of that matters because they embrace each other. They embrace their flaws, their love, and their devotion to another’s sole and body.
—
When the dawn breaks over the horizon the two men stir, their breaths hesitate and their eyes soften when they meet another.
Shortly after enjoying the peace the morning brings they decide to head back, it’s as if yesterday had been their little love vacation. They feel fulfilled with another’s love, refreshed and awakened.
Leorio is reasonably angry when they get back. Fumes waft over his red face like smoke from an erupting volcano. He scolds them, (mainly Gon) for, in his words ‘scaring him half to death.’ Gon apologies but regret is not contained in his response. How could he regret putting a pretty boy in a pretty field?
After a check up with doctor Leorio’s salty attitude, Killua is sat back into his bed with an IV poking his skin. Gon can tell, similar to him Killua does not regret his obedience to his wants. He can see it in the lines of his limbs, the soft smile on his face, and the steady beat of his heart.
Gon holds his warm hand gently within his own, “love you so much.” He speak softly with honesty.
“I love you too, Gon. I’ll stay by your side forever.”
And they stay like that, looking into another’s love filled eyes till the sun dips below them and rises again only to set again.
It’s wonderful, Gon believes, the cycle of life.