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The first time Jayce cries in front of Viktor, it’s because of a mug. Well, it’s not really about the mug, but that’s the catalyst.
They’ve been partners for a couple of months, and progress has all but halted.
They can’t figure out how to actually channel the power of the Hexgems into anything for long. It goes haywire within a minute before spluttering to a stop.
I should be happy, Jayce thinks. I should be happy it’s working at all. Viktor had been a miracle all those nights ago.
Jayce had been teetering on the edge not three months ago, so when they hit another dead end, he feels himself slipping back into that mindset. It’s so easy to pick up his self-destructive tendencies, for him to remember sleepless nights going in circles, writing the same equation over and over, only for it to come out the same every time. The isolation and self-hatred he surrounded himself with.
Jayce watches the light flicker before going out for the fourth time in an hour. Jayce clenches his teeth. If he was good enough, he would have had Hextech working by now.
Viktor steps in front of him to cross something off on the chalkboard.
They’ve been starting small, just powering a lightbulb—Hexlight, Viktor had called it. They need better lighting anyway. The gloomy atmosphere does nothing for Jayce’s state of mind.
The thing that tips Jayce over the edge is small, but the past week has been awful, and Jayce can’t stop himself from free falling.
It goes like this: Jayce, without looking up, reaches across the desk to grab a ruler. He hears the crash before he realizes what’s happened.
The mug lies in pieces on the floor, coffee pooling around it.
Jayce swallows hard. His eyes are stinging.
He steals a look at Viktor. He barely spares the broken mug a glance, but he looks annoyed.
Jayce excuses himself to the other side of the room to look for a towel and dustpan.
He kneels beside the mug, fighting against tears. It’s a losing battle.
The first tear lands in the spilled coffee, causing the surface to ripple. He bites his tongue.
Jayce keeps his head down while he disposes of the ceramic shards.
He ventures back over to Viktor, but he keeps a sizable distance between them. Viktor’s writing feverishly, the chalk growing shorter by the second in his hand.
Jayce wipes at his eyes. He looks desperately at the lab door, then at Viktor’s back. He can’t just leave—they’re in the middle of work.
Jayce sniffs louder than he meant to.
He turns his body away from Viktor, towards a chalkboard neither had been using. He folds his arms, digging his nails into his jacket. Jayce has never been prone to hiding his emotions, but this is his brand new lab partner. He doesn’t want to scar Viktor off. Without Viktor, he’d be alone. Again.
“Jayce?” Jayce can barely hear Viktor. The lab is swimming. He can’t do it alone, not again.
“Jayce, we’re working on this. We’re behind schedule.” Now Viktor sounds annoyed. Jayce only made it worse. He forces himself to take a steady inhale. It’s evidently not stable enough, because Viktor says, more gently this time, “Jayce?”
Jayce shakes his head.
He hears the now familiar sound of Viktor’s footsteps accompanied with his cane approaching.
Viktor tenses when he sees Jayce’s face, which only makes him feel worse.
Jayce looks up at the ceiling—anywhere but Viktor—while he tries to get his breathing to even out.
“Sorry,” Jayce mumbles.
“Is this about the mug? You know we can replace it.”
Jayce shakes his head, and Viktor’s eyebrows come together.
Jayce scrubs at his eyes. “Hard week,” he says gruffly.
“I suppose it has been.”
Viktor hesitantly reaches out, but ultimately drops his hand to his side. Jayce wishes he had committed, put a hand on his shoulder, anything.
“I don’t really know what to do here,” Viktor confesses. His eyes dart around the room.
Jayce shrugs helplessly at him. He'd isolated himself over the years. Jayce hadn’t realized he’d forgotten how it felt to have someone around, even someone he didn’t know very well.
“Let’s take a break, do something else,” Viktor says. He strides across the room, leaving Jayce to scramble after him.
“Okay, do you want to work on the—”
“No,” Viktor cuts him off. “This is a work break. You and I need one.”
Viktor tells Jayce to sit on the couch, but he doesn’t join him right away. Jayce hears him rustling through drawers.
Eventually, Viktor hands him a mug of tea and takes a seat on the couch.
He pats Jayce’s arm awkwardly. Jayce wants to cling to the touch, but he doesn’t try to follow it when Viktor withdraws his hand.
“We’ll figure it out,” Viktor says. “I have no doubt.”
Jayce nods. The mug’s warmth soaks into his hands.
Viktor doesn’t press Jayce for any more explanations. They sit in silence until Jayce can bear to look at Viktor again. He isn’t sure if Viktor considers him a friend, but Jayce hopes he can earn that title one day.
Jayce sets his empty mug on the coffee table
“Thanks,” he says.
Viktor nods tersely.
Jayce gets to his feet and follows Viktor to one of their tables.
“Why don’t you work on these?” Viktor gestures to half drawn blueprints of a lamp.
“Okay,” Jayce agrees. He appreciates Viktor’s subtle way of redirecting him.
Jayce sits down and grabs a pencil.
They have a breakthrough the very next week.