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Jason wore masks. Not in a literal sense, of course. Not like the creepy ones in movies that made him scream (get it?). No, Jason wore masks in the figurative sense (Annabeth had taught him that word, she was tired of using big words and him not understanding).
Jason was used to pretending, pretending, pretending, that sometimes he wondered if he would lose himself in it all. Jason was happy.
He wasn’t he wasn’t he wasn’t he wasn’t.
Jason was kind and smart and strong and happy.
Lies lies lies lies.
He didn’t care that Reyna wouldn’t speak to him. He didn’t care that it was his fault that she was mad at him. He didn’t care.
Not didn’t. You won’t. Couldn’t. Not didn’t.
He couldn’t care.
You’re a bad fucking friend, you know that?
God, his mind needed to shut the fuck up sometimes. Not sometimes. All times. Whatever.
Jason wore masks. He didn’t let anyone see him cry, not Piper, the girl he had dated for more than a year. The girl that broke his heart.
Not Reyna, the girl he had been friends with since they were in middle school.
No one got to see him cry. Because Jason didn’t cry, he smiled until his cheeks hurt, he cracked jokes and laughed until he broke. And no one saw him break. Not Piper, not Reyna. Not the boys on the badminton team that had become less of a team and more of a family. Not Coach, who became the closest thing he had to a father figure after his own father had left without a word.
No one.
So when the lights got too bright, when the noise got too loud, and his clothes got too itchy, he would find himself on the floor of a bathroom stall, back pressed to the stone as he grounded himself.
Like now. Head in his hands, trying his best not to scream. Not to rip his skin off and run for his life.
He had considered it. Running. Run from this school, from his friends, from his world.
But he couldn’t.
Reyna needed him.
If she still wanted to talk to him.
He had been so fucking stupid the last time they had talked.
He had bolted out the door and puked in his dorm bathroom, retching into the toilet until his ribs hurt and he was all but dry heaving.
And then he would repeat a song in his head over and over and over and over until the panic had receded and the world didn’t feel like it was ending.
Reyna hates him, he knows. He wished he wouldn’t constantly be a fuck up though.
“Hey, man, you good?” Nico’s voice cuts through his constant panic and Jason stands up, hands still shaking.
“All good” Jason says, forcing the words to pass his lips. He wasn’t a burden. He wouldn’t be a burden. The team didn’t need to worry about him.
“Well, uh, the team is going to head out soon, you need a ride?”
“Nah, I have my car parked in the lot, so it’s all good”
“Okay, well, drive safe, okay? And congrats on the win, we all owe you.” Jason let out a breath of relief as Nico left the diner’s bathroom.
Jason stepped out of the stall, wiping at his eyes and splashing water in them quickly, making sure he looked presentable.
If anyone asks why his eyes look slightly puffy or his nose is red, he could pass it off as allergies. He had them, anyway. It’s not like he was lying.
He walked out into the diner, seeing most of his teammates were still there, sitting at the table, grinning at him.
Jason was the star player, always on the court, always winning. Their golden boy. Their mighty soldier.
They didn’t see the bruises Jason got on his legs from the constant nervous thwacking of his racket against them. Because he deserved them. He deserved the blue and purple that bloomed on his thighs.
They didn’t see that every time they lost, he would take it out on himself. They didn’t see that every shot he missed, every time he got the birdie out, he would hit himself with a racket.
It was fine, though. It stopped hurting at some point. It just served as his reminder to do better.
Jason put on his wide grin and sat with the team, watching as everyone laughed and finished eating.
“Sorry guys, I think the Taco Bell I had for lunch did something to me,” He joked, hoping that they would take his half-assed excuse for the long bathroom break.
Jason hadn’t eaten lunch. Nico was the only one who knew that, though, and he was already gone with Will, presumably back to the school dorms for a little one-on-one time.
Neither had acknowledged that they were together to the rest of the team, but everyone could see plain as day that Nico was dating their medic.
Penny grinned at Jason and nudged him, saying that he should really lay off of the burritos, considering it landed him in the bathroom one too many times, but Jason didn’t pay too much attention to it.
Jason just laughed again, and Penny snuggled into Annabeth’s arms, the latter grumbling about how heavy her girlfriend was.
Penny (whose real name was Penelope, but anyone who mentioned that name would be threatened with castration and you never underestimated Penny) and Annabeth were the only two females on the team since Wilderness School didn’t have a female badminton team and were therefore merged.
Jason's feelings seemed muted at that moment, as he stared at his teammates, his family. He wanted to cry again.
“Cupcake, you good?” Coach’s backhanded nickname felt softer than the usual harshness that came with it.
“Yeah, coach, all good.” Jason attempted to put his smile back on his face, but it was a feeble attempt.
While harsh and oddly aggressive, Coach always seemed to know if one of the team was feeling down, no matter how hard they tried to hide it. The team liked to speculate that he had mindreading powers, which, at this moment, seemed entirely possible to Jason.
The coach clearly didn’t look convinced, but he nodded all the same and said with a grunt “You can always talk to me, Grace, keep that in mind”
Jason gave a half-hearted nod and decided that this was the perfect time to take off.
He waved to his teammates and accepted one last high-five from Frank and made his way to his car.
His fancy car. It was the only thing his father had gifted to him, and it was the only time he had had a conversation with the man for longer than two minutes. It made Jason want to puke.
Piper was with him, then. She had had her own experiences with absent parents. Famous ones, too.
She convinced him to keep the car. Make it his own. Embrace it. Don’t let him win . So he didn’t.
.•*¨`*•. ☆ .•*¨`*•.
Waking up and finding a long text from Piper had not been what he was expecting. He could still see the end of her break-up text on the very top of the screen. Right below it was a request for his old uniforms for her roommate, Leo, the scrawny curly-haired boy with a bright smile that made Jason’s heart stop.
And now, it was another text about Leo.
klepto: hey so weird ask but mother dearest has kidnapped me and I need someone to pick Leo up from his doctors appointment in twenty min
klepto: i’ll send the information
klepto: and ill buy u donuts
Jason sighs and types in a quick response. Piper would probably type some long, drawn-out response about his attraction to Leo, and Jason did not want to hear it today.
Jason had planned to hit the gym today, but considering he had slept in way too late, it was clear he needed to get ready and go.
Shoving on a green sweater that would hopefully help with the cold, he rushed out the door, grabbing his keys.
That’s how Jason ended up spending five minutes figuring out how to lean on his car without looking like a complete dork, even knowing that it wouldn’t matter. Jason just wanted to look good for Leo, no matter how stupid the little crush he had was.
Leo walked out, looking down at his phone. Jason tried not to stare too long, but Leo looked angelic. Unfairly angelic.
To be fair, in Jason’s eyes, Leo always looked angelic, even if they had only seen each other a few times.
Jason decided to turn away, hoping the flush on his cheeks wasn’t too noticeable.
Leo approached him slowly, and Jason decided not looking at him would make it even worse, so he grinned as welcomingly as possible, beckoning him over.
“Hey, man!” Leo looked like he was attempting a grin, but Jason could tell something was up. “Pipes told me you were picking her up because her mom kidnapped her.”
Jason let out a chuckle that he hoped didn’t sound too forced as he tried not to crease his eyebrows in worry.
“That’s the gist of it, yeah. C’mon, it’s like forty degrees out here, you’re gonna freeze.” Jason tried to wave the boy in. All Leo was wearing was a thin sweatshirt and all Jason could see underneath was his binder.
Yes, Jason knew about Leo. Piper didn’t know that he knew. Leo probably didn’t even know that Jason knew.
But contrary to popular belief, Jason noticed things.
Little things.
Like Leo’s long sleeves. The way he avoided touch.
“Nah, I’m fine, basically immune to the cold” Leo said, putting on a fake grin. Jason couldn’t help but watch his lips, and wonder how they would feel against his own-
Shut up, Jason. Stop being weird.
They spent the ride talking about break plans and softly singing the songs that Jason played (he tried his best not to belt out the lyrics to ‘Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl’ for fear of being judged).
Jason spent a good amount of time wondering how it would feel to kiss Leo.
This was also the first conversation, the first moment, where he didn’t spend most of the time fretting over Reyna and his own problems. He felt oddly safe.
No care in the world, not with Leo.
That’s why he found himself asking Leo to come for Christmas.
“Oh, I don’t want to intrude-”
“No, no, you wouldn’t be! It’d be… nice” Jason rushed to say, the red on his cheeks burning like a stop sign.
“I’ll think about it” Jason broke into a grin at that.
.•*¨`*•. ☆ .•*¨`*•.
Jason called Piper and spent way too long talking about Leo’s lips. He knows this because she told him so.
Did he also have a mild freak-out moment because the next words she said were “Jason. Face it. You like men,”?
Yeah. He did.
But she explained bisexuality in greater detail, even pansexuality.
He decided, for now, he didn’t have labels.
Probably the biggest freak-out was Leo calling him an hour later.
They talked for a little. It was nice.
And after that, Jason had one more call to make.
“Hello?”
“Reyna, I’m so sorry, god I swear I get if you hate me but-”
“Jason, I would never hate you.” Her voice was soft, and it soothed Jason’s nerves.
“Why?” His voice was small.
“Jason, you have been there for me since we were sixth graders. You were always too nice for your own good and always put others before yourself. I would never hate you.”
“I don’t deserve it”
“Jason, shut the fuck up. I don’t hate you. What you did wasn’t horrible.”
“It was. You came out to me and I-”
“You had just gone through a breakup. You were confused.”
“I’m a shitty friend.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t understand. I don’t blame you”
“Reyna, I hurt you. You should be yelling at me”
“You just ran. I’m more upset that it took you three months to talk to me again”
“I-”
“Don’t say you're sorry.”
“Sorr- I mean, okay.”
“We’re good, okay?”
“Okay.”
.•*¨`*•. ☆ .•*¨`*•.
Jason went to Reyna’s the next day. He cried in front of her for the first time. She cried too.
She explained to him what it meant to be Ace, and while he didn’t fully get it, he didn’t run out the door like he did last time.
He told her about Leo.
She said that she would beat him up if he broke Jason’s heart.
Jason appreciated the sentiment.
Reyna helped him. They talked. She told him that his pain was valid. Jason wasn’t sure if he wanted to believe her.
“People have it so much worse-”
“Just because people have it worse doesn’t make it any better Jason. Just because you don’t bleed doesn’t mean your bruises don’t hurt.”
Jason left feeling a little bit better.
After that, his mask started to slip more. It wasn’t fully gone. Leo helped him. They would hold each other on bad days.
Penny would watch Jason like a hawk during games.
Annabeth told him that she was there for him. The whole team said the same thing.
Coach was more protective of him.
Piper and Jason had a real talk. She understood that she had hurt him.
He understood that she was just not into guys.
Everyone would make sure he knew he wasn’t alone.
Jason Grace wore masks. But his mask would crack, it would crumble. He would be okay.