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Viktor groaned, hand hovering over the buzzer. He should just cut his losses. Force himself to walk. Try to borrow someone’s phone? But there was no one to call. And who would be out at this time anyway?
Why had the bus timetable decided to change on this day? Why had he not bothered to charge his phone the night before?
And so here he was, shivering at Jayce’s doorstep with no bus, no phone and no way to get home.
His leg and back both hurt like a motherfucker. He’d been on his feet all afternoon- walking to and from appointments and meetings.
Now he was stuck on the opposite side of town to home clutching shakily onto his cane and wondering whether finding a bench to sleep on might be preferable to knocking on this door.
But then a cold shiver ran up his spine, sending a hot spasm of pain slinking after it. Fuck it.
He leant forward and pressed the doorbell, anxiety rippling through his stomach as the dulled shrill rang out. It wasn’t too late to turn around. He could figure something out surely. Find a taxi driver willing to wait for him to go up and get his wallet. He could…
The door swung open.
There stood Jayce, shadowy from the warm light behind him, dressed in sweats and slippers and looking much the same as he had three months ago. The last time they had talked.
Viktor froze. This had been a bad idea, a terrible idea.
“Shit…I’ll just-” he stammered, turning to go.
But Jayce’s eyes widened, a softness taking over his features,
“Vik, wait.” he said, hand unconsciously stretching forward as if he were going to pull him back.
“I uhh- I just need to come in to charge my phone for a bit, the bus got cancelled and I’m stuck here and my…my leg hurts and I-” It all came out in a stammering rush, barely able to look at Jayce’s slippered feet let alone his eyes.
“Yeh, course, come in.”
Oh.
Viktor swallowed. He was never this awkward around Jayce. But the things he’d said to him the last time they’d met hung heavy in the air.
Spoilt brat. Incapable of doing anything that wasn’t handed to you on a silver platter.
“Thanks, I'm sorry to be a bother” he mumbled, slipping inside.
"You could never bother me, Vik." Jayce said quietly, shutting the door behind them.
Jayce’s flat was warm and cozy, magnets from his and his mum’s travels on the fridge, an umbrella rack by the door.
It felt like no time had passed since he’d last been here. Since they’d spend those few, glorious nights curled up on the sofa, drinking wine, laughing about how they were drinking wine. Leaning closer. Jayce’s head on his lap.
Viktor limped inside. God he really had to sit down.
“Don’t worry about your shoes.” Jayce said.
Viktor nodded and shuffled towards the living room/kitchen, inching himself down onto the sofa.
Jayce’s place was messier than he remembered it, takeout boxes piled by the bin, several mugs growing stale on the side table. His heart clenched as he looked over at the fridge- the polaroids they’d taken of each other were still up there. Jayce cheesing down at him, him smiling softly back.
“I’ll ugh,” Jayce’s voice caught in his throat and he turned to cough dryly into his elbow, “I’ll grab a charger.”
Viktor nodded, listening to his heavy footsteps as they padded down the hall.
It smelt so like Jayce in here. Rich and earthy, smelling of warm spices mixed with something sharper like the sea breeze body wash he no doubt still used.
Viktor’s throat tightened. This had been a bad idea.
But then the door swung open again and Jayce returned, charger in hand. He knelt down to plug it in for him.
As he looked up, Viktor got a good look at his face. He looked tired, shadowing bags swept beneath his eyes, the usual glow about his face wan. Was he sleeping properly?
Jayce plopped down on the sofa next to him, exhaling heavily.
The silence hung in the air.
“So, what have you been up to?” asked Viktor.
Jayce turned to face him, as if he were about to reply when he was suddenly twisting away and sneezing softly into the back of his hand.
“Ugh, sorry,” he said, sniffling, “Umm, mainly the usual. Work and seeing friends occasionally. You?”
“About the same.”
The conversation trailed off. What was there to talk about when you knew everything about the other person but there was nothing left to say?
“How’s Mel?” Viktor asked, after a beat, looking down at his thumbs.
Jayce tensed, they were steering dangerously close to their last argument and they both knew it. “She’s…fine.” he said slowly, hesitantly.
“Good.”
Viktor glanced at his phone. Still only 2%. God, hurry up.
Jayce cleared his throat. "So, uh... what were you doing in town?"
Viktor barely had time to process the question before Jayce’s breath caught again and he was lifting the sleeve of his hoodie to stifle into.
“Bless you.”
“Snf, thanks.” he rummaged into the pocket of his joggers, taking a tissue out and swiping at his nose.
“I had a meeting in the town hall. Then a doctor’s appointment.”
Jayce’s eyebrows darted together, his eyes flashing, “Is everything okay?” his voice sounded strained, panicked even.
“Everything’s fine Jayce. Well as fine as it can be.”
Jayce settled back into the sofa, a soft sigh escaping his lips.
They sat in silence again, the awkwardness and unspoken words between them pressing in. Suffocating.
Three months ago, Jayce had let their plans slip to Mel. In his stupid, loving heart he had trusted her completely. But Mel had told her mother. Who’d told her developers. Who’d started working on a device with a team of hundreds. They hadn’t stood a chance. Mel had left the company in protest but the damage had been done
On that wintery December night when Jayce had stepped into their office, face pale and hands clammy with sweat, Viktor had let loose all of his frustrations. At Jayce for being so thoughtless. For breaking his trust. For…not wanting him in the same way he wanted him.
Now they sat on either ends of the sofa with barely a word to say.
Jayce coughed again. It didn’t sound good. Viktor couldn’t help glancing over at him. The way his shoulders drew in on himself and the miserable little sigh when he was done.
“I’m gonna make some tea, want some?” Jayce croaked out, already standing.
“Yeh, please.”
He watched as Jayce moved sluggishly about the kitchen, listening to the whistle of the kettle as it bubbled away.
Jayce returned two mugs in hand. Viktor’s throat clenched again as he was handed the mug he always used when he came to Jayce’s. The one with the little steamboat on saying- “Just keep chugging away”.
They sipped quietly, Jayce sniffling into his mug, bringing his over hand up to swipe at his nose.
Suddenly, he was hurriedly placing his mug down, hands shakily raising to his face as he snapped forward with another unrestrained sneeze.
“Excuse me.” he said hoarsely, straightening back up.
Viktor took in his tired face, the cups of tea when they usually drank coffee, the tissue box on the side table.
“Are you sick?”
Jayce flushed, hands fidgeting with his hoodie strings, “Ahh maybe a bit, just a cold. Sorry.”
Viktor almost rolled his eyes. It was so very Jayce to apologise for something completely unnecessary.
“I’ll be out of your hair soon.” he said. 15% now.
He sensed someone’s gaze piercing the side of his head and turned. Jayce was looking at him intently, deep, hazel eyes wide and glistening.
“I’ve missed you, Vik.” he said quietly, emotion clinging to his words.
Viktor froze. He wasn’t mad anymore, not really. But so much had been said, so much that couldn’t be taken back. He’d been a wreck the last three months. He’d only started leaving the house again after being practically dragged out by Sky.
And here Jayce was, looking at him with red-rimmed, tired eyes as if he’d hung the stars.
“I missed you too.”
Jayce blinked, shifted closer on the sofa, facing him fully now.
“God, Vik I was such an idiot, such a fucking idiot.” But his words trailed off, his eyes scrunching shut and he twisted away once again to sneeze heartily.
He cleared his throat, “uhh sorry.”
Viktor noticed the way his broad frame was shivering softly. It was warm in here even for him and yet Jayce was shivering.
Jayce tried again- “I should’ve known, it shouldn’t have been something you needed to explain but I-” this time he was cut off by the feeling of Viktors hand connecting with his forehead.
“Jesus, Jayce, you’re burning.”
Guilt wormed through Viktor’s stomach. So not only had he forced himself on Jayce but he’d done so when the guy was clearly sick as a dog. The last thing he needed now was a rehash of everything that had passed between them.
Jayce’s skin was clammy and pulsing with heat beneath his touch. Viktor released a shivery exhale, drawing his hand back. It was weird to be so close.
“Have you taken anything for that?” he said softly.
Jayce shook his head, “I didn’t have any meds.”
This idiot.
“Well lucky for you,” said Viktor, turning and rummaging through his coat pocket, “Your ex-partner is chronically ill.”
He took out a packet of painkillers and handed them to Jayce who necked them back obediently.
They had so much to talk about, so much they needed to fix. But Viktor wasn’t going to run anymore.
Jayce sniffled pitifully as another shiver ran up his frame. Viktor grabbed the thick, purple blanket tossed over the sofa and wrapped it around Jayce’s shoulders.
“Come on,” he said, gesturing to his lap, “Lie down.”
Jayce’s eyes widened, “Vik what-”
“Just do it.”
Jayce flopped onto his lap, breathing tiredly.
“I never want to lose you again Vik. Never. God I’ve been such a mess.”
Viktor ran his slender fingers through the sweaty locks of his hair.
“Tomorrow, we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Okay.” murmured Jayce, voice already thick with sleep.
Viktor listened as the gentle rhythm of his breath grew slower and steadier, feeling his own eyes prick with tiredness.
His phone was at 100%. He stayed.