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Sebastian Sallow had never considered himself a hopeless optimist.
He was, by nature, stubborn, quick-tempered, and entirely too willing to puzzle out, manipulate, and brute force his problems away instead of facing them properly. But if there was one thing he believed in - one thing that kept him steady even when the rest of the world turned to hell - it was her.
His girlfriend.
His best friend.
His favorite person to torment and tease, to kiss senseless and pull into trouble, to argue with and laugh with and love.
And now?
She didn’t remember him.
Sebastian stood at the edge of her bed in the Hospital Wing, gripping the back of a visitor's chair so hard his knuckles ached. He had never felt fear like this before.
Because this was worse than anything he'd ever endured before.
There she sat on the hospital bed, freshly mended but still pale, her eyes glancing around the room still in a bit of a daze, and she was looking at him like a stranger.
“Tell me again…” She said slowly, carefully. “We know each other?”
Sebastian forced a smile, hoping she couldn’t see how utterly wrecked he was beneath it. “That’s a bit of an understatement, love.”
Her brows furrowed. “You keep calling me that.”
The smile faltered. “I do.”
She pursed her lips, studying him like a particularly difficult puzzle. “Why?”
Sebastian inhaled sharply. His fingers shifted at his sides, aching to reach for her hand because that's where they belonged.
But he didn’t.
Because she didn’t know him.
“Because I’m your boyfriend.” He said simply cor what felt like the tenth time since she'd woken. “We’ve been together for nearly a year now.”
She blinked.
Then, after a pause that lasted far too long, she let out a short, incredulous laugh.
Sebastian stiffened.
“I’m sorry.” She said, shaking her head. “But that’s - are you serious?”
His throat tightened. “Yeah.”
She looked him up and down skeptically. “I’m dating you?”
Sebastian let out a short, breathless laugh, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Charming. Truly.”
“No, I mean…” She gestured vaguely at him. “You’re very much my type, I’ll give you that, but -”
Sebastian blinked. “I - sorry?”
“- but I can’t imagine I’d put up with you long enough for us to actually be dating. You've been obnoxious enough to already give me a migraine, and I've only just woken.”
He stared at her. “You have put up with me. For ages.”
She squinted at him in disbelief.
He groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “You love me.”
She frowned, looking faintly horrified. “That seems aggressive.”
He clenched his fists, inhaled and exhaled a very regulated sigh, and forced himself to not panic.
“It’s true.” He said, forcing calm. “And I know it sounds insane to you right now, but we were happy. Really bloody happy.”
She looked at him for a long moment, expression unreadable. Then, slowly, she rubbed her temples.
“Alright.” She said finally. “Say I believe you.”
He brightened.
“Which I don’t.”
He deflated.
“But let’s say I do.” She fixed him with a pointed stare. “How exactly do you expect me to just… remember?”
Sebastian swallowed hard.
“I don’t know.” He admitted.
And that was the truth.
He had no idea how to fix this.
But he would.
He had to.
Because if she never remembered him, then -
No.
He wouldn’t accept that.
So he straightened, forced an even brighter smile, and grinned at her like it was just another challenge.
“Well...” He said, voice light and far too casual. “Guess I’ll just have to make you fall in love with me again.”
She stared blankly at him, and Sebastian merely smirked.
And Merlin help her, for just a second - just a moment - she swore she felt something.
Something familiar.
And it terrified her more than simply not remembering at all.
Sebastian Sallow was many things.
Annoying. Arrogant. Stubborn as hell.
But most importantly?
He was determined.
Which was why, despite his girlfriend currently believing he was a complete stranger, he was absolutely not going to accept that as the final verdict.
So what if she didn’t remember him? She would.
He would make her remember she loved him.
She sat at breakfast, absentmindedly stirring her tea while flipping through her Charms textbook.
Sebastian sat directly across from her.
She ignored him.
Sebastian did not ignore her.
“Good morning, darling.” He said, voice dripping with the kind of smugness that she clearly had once found endearing.
She barely glanced up. “Morning.”
No bite. No scowl. No dry sarcasm.
Sebastian frowned. That wasn’t right.
So he leaned forward, propping his chin in his hand. “Did you sleep well?”
She hummed. “Fine.”
Still no reaction.
Okay. Time for the classics.
He tilted his head, tapping his fingers against the table. “You drool in your sleep, you know.”
Her hand froze over her tea.
Her gaze snapped to him, eyes narrowing dangerously. “I do not.”
Sebastian grinned. “Oh, you definitely do. Have for ages.”
“Liar.” She shot back, closing her book with a snap.
Sebastian leaned in closer, voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Also, you snore.”
She scowled, hissing back. “I do not!”
“And you hog the blankets.” He added, grinning. “But don’t worry, love. I always found it charming.”
She visibly fumbled every thought in her addled brain.
Her mouth opened, then closed.
Then…
Her entire face turned bright red.
Sebastian’s grin widened - a reaction at last.
“That’s a lie.” She retorted quietly, glancing around to ensure no one else heard this insane boy's nonsense and jabbing a finger at him. “You - you’re just making things up!”
“Am I?” He asked innocently, tilting his head.
“Yes!”
“Alright.” He said, still too damn smug. “One way to prove it, then.”
She blinked dumbly. “What?”
Sebastian shrugged. “Guess you’ll just have to sleep in my bed again and find out.”
The noise she made could not legally be called a word before storming out.
Sebastian took a sip of his own tea and smiled.
Progress.
She had started actively avoiding him.
Unfortunately for her, that just made him try harder.
She rounded a corner. Sebastian was already there.
She left the Great Hall through the side exit. Sebastian somehow beat her to the courtyard.
She tried to slip into the Undercroft to get some bloody peace, only to find him leaning against the wall like he’d been expecting her all along.
“Oh…” He said, smirking. “Fancy meeting you here.”
She stared at him, deadpan. “You followed me.”
He placed a hand over his chest, gasping in mock offense. “I would never!”
“You are literally stalking me.”
“Not stalking. Courting.”
“Oh, fuck off!”
“See, you used to like it when I did this,” He interrupted, stepping closer, grin turning wolfish. “You used to love when I got under your skin.”
She hated how her heart skipped.
She hated how familiar this all felt.
Like something she had forgotten.
Like something she missed.
She took a deep breath, steeling herself. “Sebastian.”
“Yes, love?”
She scowled. “You cannot flirt me into remembering you.”
Sebastian tilted his head.
“…Can’t I?”
“No!”
“You sure? Because it seems to be working.”
She shoved him.
He stumbled back laughing, catching himself against the stone wall as she stormed past him.
But even with her back to him, she still heard him.
“You’ll remember.” He called after her, voice softer this time. “And when you do, I expect an apology for putting me through all this.”
She didn’t dare turn around because some horrible, traitorous part of her was already starting to believe him.
Weeks later, she woke up gasping.
The memories slammed into her like a bludger to the ribs, knocking the breath straight from her lungs.
She was in her dormitory, blankets tangled around sweaty legs, heart hammering. The dark skies outside her window told her that the cat nap she'd slipped into bed for had turned into a fucking hours-long endeavor, and she'd certainly missed supper.
The silence pressed in around her, thick and suffocating, as fragments of her life came rushing back all at once.
Sebastian.
The first time he kissed her, the way he’d smirked right before. The hours they spent together in the Undercroft, whispering secrets and plotting. The way his fingers laced through hers in the corridors. The sheer, unshakable certainty in his voice when he told her she loved him - even when she couldn’t remember it herself.
She did love him.
She always had.
And she had forgotten all of it.
A choked breath tore from her throat, panic clawing its way through her chest. How could she have been so blind? How could she have let him walk around every day, waiting for her, trying so hard to make her remember, and she hadn’t seen it?
She needed to find him.
Now.
She shoved back the blankets, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, clumsy in her haste. Her mind was still catching up, memories threading together in a knotted mess. She barely fumbled into her robe, pulling it over her body before pushing open the dormitory door, feet carrying her down the steps faster than her heart could keep up.
The Common Room was nearly empty, save for a few students hunched over their books by the fireplace. She barely noticed them as she pushed past, her only thought him. He’d probably be in his dorm by now - she would go there, force her way in, and she would drag him out and assault him with the months of affection they'd both sorely been missing.
She moved through the dimly lit corridor like a woman possessed, shoes clicking rapidly against the stone floor, her thoughts a frenzied mess. She had to find Sebastian. She had to tell him. Now.
Every piece of her had snapped back into place so violently she felt ill from it - weeks of blankness, of feeling like something was missing, of watching him flirt and badger and try so damn hard to remind her of something that had been there all along, something real.
And she had been too brainless to see it.
Her heart pounded as she rounded the corner into the entrance hall, ready to march down to the Slytherin dungeons if she had to, wake him up, shake him, demand that he look at her the way he used to.
But as she turned into the dungeons, breath still uneven, she spotted a familiar figure further down the hall.
And she stopped dead in her tracks.
Sebastian was there.
But he wasn’t alone.
Sebastian stood near the grand staircase, his back against the wall, his hands in his pockets, his posture too casual. A girl stood in front of him, laughing, one hand pressed lightly against his chest, the other resting on his shoulder as she leaned in far too close.
She froze.
She knew that girl - a seventh-year Slytherin, effortlessly pretty and top marks to boot; and right now, she was very clearly making her intentions known.
She watched, unable to move, unable to breathe, as the girl dragged a finger slowly down the front of Sebastian’s robes, gaze hooded, lips curved in smile that it would be rather conservative to call merely flirtatious.
Sebastian grinned.
That familiar, easy smirk, the one he always wore when he was playing along.
Her stomach dropped.
She couldn’t hear what they were saying from where she stood, but she didn’t need to. The way the girl tilted her head, lips grazing dangerously close to his jaw as she murmured something low and suggestive - it told her everything she needed to know.
Sebastian didn’t move away.
Didn’t stop her.
Didn’t push her off like he should have.
Instead, he laughed, his hand shifting slightly, just slightly, like he might touch her waist but thought better of it.
And she felt it.
A gutting sensation, like something being carved out of her ribs.
It was different from anger. Different from hurt. It was worse.
Because this time, she couldn’t tell herself she was imagining it.
She had pushed him away.
And he had finally let go.
A choked inhale hitched in her throat, and she took an unsteady step back, her entire body rigid, but she did not speak up, didn't curse at the pair for going behind her back, didn't hex the other girl to oblivion for touching what wasn't hers.
Because she had no right to be angry.
No right to expect him to wait.
No right to feel like her chest was splitting open at the sight of him with someone else.
She had no right to feel any sort of way when he'd spent months trying to coax her back into herself.
That was what she kept telling herself, over and over, as she watched the scene in the corridor, seeing her Sebastian - no, not hers anymore - lean against the wall while some other witch pawed at his robes.
It wasn’t as if he had done anything wrong. He hadn’t even touched her back - at least, not yet. But he hadn’t moved away either.
She had spent the term looking at Sebastian like a stranger, and now - now, when she finally knew him again, when she finally felt like herself again - he wasn’t looking at her at all.
Of course he wasn’t.
How selfish would it be for her to expect otherwise?
The worst part was that she wasn’t even angry. She wasn’t even jealous.
She was just wrecked.
She had done this.
She had made him think he had to move on.
She took a step back, ready to leave - she had no right to interrupt this, to be upset about this - but Sebastian’s head snapped up like he had felt her before he had even seen her.
The moment their eyes met, the world tilted.
His entire body stiffened, smirk dropping like a mask falling away. His companion kept talking - Merlin, was she still talking? - but Sebastian wasn’t listening anymore.
He was looking at her now like he’d seen a ghost.
Like the air had been knocked from his lungs.
She panicked and turned on her heel, walking fast in the opposite direction, hoping - praying - he would let her go.
He didn’t, of course.
His hand caught hers before she made it three steps, his grip firm but not forceful, as he said her name with such quiet desperation it made her ache.
She wrenched away before she could think better of it, spinning around to face him, feeling very much like an idiot. “Sebastian, don’t.”
He flinched. Actually flinched.
And oh, that hurt.
“I - ” He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling her name.
She shook her head, barely breathing. “I remember.”
Sebastian froze.
His entire body locked up, his breath caught, and for a single, terrible moment, she thought he might actually fall over from the sheer shock of it.
“Repeat that.” He said, his voice hoarse.
She swallowed, her throat tight. “I remember.”
Sebastian let out something like a breathless laugh, something broken and stupidly hopeful, running both hands over his face.
Then the moment caught up with him, and his eyes darkened.
She braced for it.
Because, of course, he was going to be furious.
She deserved it.
"Now?” He asked, his voice low and shaking.
Her breath hitched.
Sebastian exhaled, too harshly, like he was holding himself together by sheer will alone. “You didn’t - you wouldn’t even look at me. You acted like-like what we had was just…”
He clenched his jaw. “Like it had never been real at all.”
She winced. Because she had.
“Do you have any idea how hard it's been?” He admitted, voice barely above a whisper now. “I didn’t know how to just… sit there, holding onto something that only I remembered.”
She blinked away the onslaught of tears rapidly, her throat closing. “Sebastian, I- ”
He shook his head. “And then you walk in just in time to see her throwing herself at me, and now you think I-I what? Just moved on?”
Brown eyes searched hers, voice rough and urgent. “I didn’t want her. I never-” He let out a sharp, frustrated breath. “I just…”
“You don’t have to explain.” She interrupted quietly.
His brows knitted together. “Like hell I don’t.”
She swallowed, looking away. “Sebastian, I-I made you wait. That wasn’t fair to you.”
He let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “You think I care about fair?”
Her fingers dug into her palms.
“I would’ve waited for you forever.” He said, so certain that her head snapped back up to offer him a wide-eyed stare. "You saw me just now at... at the worst possible time. Fuck's sake, I should have just shoved her off from the start."
Sebastian exhaled hard, his hands running over his face again, like he was trying to get a grip on himself.
“Merlin, do you really think anyone else could ever -” He broke off as he shook his head. “You’re it for me. You have been since fifth year.”
And she felt those words, and the deep truth to them.
Sebastian took a slow, careful step closer to her. His hand lifted hesitantly, fingers hovering near her cheek, but he didn’t touch her, waiting for her.
She shouldn’t.
She should give them time. Space. A chance to talk - really talk.
But then…
Then she caught the flicker of uncertainty in his normally so self assured expression.
Sebastian was terrified she was going to push him away.
And that was what did it.
Her hand shot forward, gripping the front of his robes, and she pulled him in.
The kiss started tentative - soft, almost shy, neither of them quite knowing whether it was allowed.
Sebastian held her tighter, like he was afraid to move, afraid she might realize what she was doing and pull away.
She almost did.
But then -
Then she felt it.
That pull.
That familiarity.
Home.
And that was all it took.
Sebastian must have felt it too, because the hesitation vanished in an instant into heat. His hands slid into her hair, tilting her head, deepening the kiss with a soft, almost pained noise, like he had been starving for this.
She melted instantly, her hands fisting in his robes, desperate to get closer, to erase every second they had lost.
His arms locked around her waist, holding her so tightly that she couldn't slip through his fingers even if she were water.
She gasped softly, and Sebastian groaned, pressing her closer.
And Merlin, it felt so good.
So right.
Sebastian pulled back just barely, his forehead resting against hers, his breath shaky.
“You’re mine.” He whispered, voice rough with everything he had been holding in. "I'm yours. That's it."
She swallowed thickly, her hands still clutching his robes.
And then, softly, finally, she nodded.
“Yeah.” She whispered. “I am.”
Sebastian let out a breathless laugh, and this time, when he kissed her again, it was unquestioning.
Because he had her now, and he wasn’t losing her again.
Sebastian woke up to warmth.
Soft, drowsy warmth wrapped around him, pressed into his chest, curled against his side like a cat. For the first time in weeks, his arms weren’t empty, his bed wasn’t cold, and he wasn’t lying awake staring at the ceiling wondering if the love of his young life would ever look at him the same way again.
Because she was here.
With him.
Where she belonged.
He let out a slow breath, arms tightening around her bare waist, pulling her just a little closer beneath the blankets. She made a quiet sound in her sleep - something between a hum and a sigh - and shifted slightly, pressing her nose against his collarbone, her leg sliding between his to get just a bit closer.
He still wasn’t convinced this wasn’t a dream.
Last night had been… a lot.
After everything - after months of longing, of frustration, of looking at her and wanting her and not being allowed to touch - he had been starving for her. And, Merlin, she had devoured him right back.
He hadn’t realized how much he had missed touching her. The slide of his hands along her skin, the way her fingers tangled in his hair, the breathless sounds she made when he kissed down her throat…
She had let him have her again - all of her - and Sebastian had taken his time, made sure she felt everything he couldn’t say in words.
And now - now, as the dungeon dormitory blocked out the light of dawn settling over the castle and gave them a morning of reprieve, she was still there.
He smirked, pressing a lazy kiss to her hair, letting his lips linger for a moment before murmuring, “Didn’t run off in the middle of the night. That’s promising.”
She stirred slightly, a sleepy whimper leaving her kiss-bruised lips. “Tried. Couldn’t. Your death grip wouldn’t let me.”
“Can you blame me?” He murmured against her hair, his voice still thick with sleep. “Lost you once. Not taking any chances.”
She finally lifted her head, blinking groggily up at him and hummed, tilting her head as she studied Sebastian; memorizing him. Her fingers drifted up to brush over his cheekbone, down along his jaw.
Sebastian's heart did something rather stupidly warm in his chest.
She was looking at him like she used to.
Like he was hers again.
He leaned in, catching her lips in a slow, lazy kiss, his hand sliding up to tangle in her hair, pulling her closer, deeper, until she let out a quiet, contented sigh into his mouth.
She tasted like familiarity and warmth and something that was wholly his, and fuck, he could kiss her forever.
When he pulled back, just barely, she was smirking.
“What?” He muttered, brushing his thumb against her lower lip, already thinking about kissing her again.
Her voice was teasing and soft. “I was just thinking, you do make a decent pillow. I should keep you around for that alone.”
Sebastian huffed a laugh, sliding his hand down to sink his fingers into her hip, tugging her even closer.
“I am rather soft and luxurious,” He muttered against her temple. “Even if you really do drool on me.”
She snorted, pressing her face into his neck. “Oh, yes. So luxurious. I simply can’t resist a man who mutters in his sleep and hogs all the blankets and then accuses me of doing the same.”
Sebastian pulled back swiftly, offended. “I do not mutter in my sleep.”
“Oh, but you do.”
He narrowed his eyes. “What do I say?”
She tilted her head, pretending to think. “Something about… oh, what was it… ‘Come back, please, you’re breaking my heart, I can’t live without you’?”
Sebastian groaned, dropping his head onto her shoulder. “Oh, fuck you.”
She laughed harder, tilting her head to press a kiss to the top of his hair, her fingers tracing slow circles along his back. “You already did.”
He sighed heavily, then kissed her shoulder - softly, tenderly, reverently - before sinking his teeth into it.
She yelped, laughing as she swatted at him. “Sebastian!”
“You deserve that. Mocking my suffering.”
She rolled her eyes, shifting to prop herself up on one elbow, her fingers brushing through his hair. She looked down at him quietly for a long moment.
Sebastian arched a brow, feeling rather proud under her gaze. “What?”
She hesitated, biting her lower lip. “I can't believe how much I missed this and didn't even realize.”
His breath caught, and Sebastian swallowed hard, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering against her cheek.
“Me too. Obviously.”
Her gaze flicked to his lips, and that was all it took.
He pulled her down, kissing her slow and deep, one hand sliding to her waist, the other cradling the back of her neck.
She melted into him, her body pressing against his, hand resting on his jaw. She moaned softly, and Sebastian groaned, his entire body reacting to the sound.
His lips left hers only to trail along her jaw, down the column of her throat, his hands restless against her skin.
“You’re never getting rid of me again.” He murmured against her, pressing a kiss just below her ear. “I'll use a Sticking Charm if I must.”
Her fingers slid into his hair, tilting her head to give him more room to dote on her.
Sebastian exhaled, pressing a final, lingering kiss to her throat before pulling back just enough to meet her eyes. “We should really get up.”
Though, he made zero effort to move.
She hummed, clearly disinterested in that plan. “We have time.”
Sebastian smirked. “So we’re just going to stay here? Like this?”
She pretended to consider it, pulling away like she was ready to get up.
“Well, I was looking forward to breakfast…” She began slowly, trailing a hand lazily down his chest. “But I suppose I could be convinced to stay a bit longer.”
Sebastian rolled her onto her back, his grin wicked. “Oh, I’ll convince you, love.”
A pleased little hum left her as she tugged him down into another kiss, because Merlin, she had missed this.
Missed him.
And she wasn’t going anywhere.
Not when he was so convincing.