Chapter Text
Idea from ahyestheusername on Chapter 3 on part one of this series! Thank you so much for your comment and your ideas! I hope I did one of them justice in your eyes! I shall do them all, maybe, if I have the time.
@Red.Robin has posted a video!
Caption: The following is what you should not say when everything goes wrong. This educational content is brought to you by The Oracle. Enjoy.
The now familiar black screen greeted its viewers before quickly switching angles just in time to show the collapse of a burning building. The view was from an adjacent building, judging by the angle of the footage. The multiple stories collapsed inside themselves before tumbling into a pile of smoldering ruins out of the camera's sight. Smoke and sparks billowing up in tandem with the impact, showering the several silhouetted figures standing along the edge of the roof, looking down on the ruins below. Over the crackling of the fire, the faint sound of sirens echoed into the gloomy night.
One of the silhouettes moved slightly, head turning unnaturally to face the slightly shorter silhouette on its right. When it spoke, its voice cracked with every syllable, its inflection not fitting the words it spoke so casually.
“Did anyone bring the marshmallows?”
The scene cut, now showing a darkened room. Illuminated only by a single flickering bulb, it was reminiscent of an old cop show interrogation room. The footage is clearly taken from a CCTV camera, grainy edges and blurry view made by age and ware of equipment rather than what ever it was that caused The Bats to just be like that. In the back corner of the room, Signal lay, back to the floor, in hopeless disarray. From the video's beginning, viewers could not tell if he was awake or not, as the usual white eyes were closed against the flickering bulb above.
Suddenly there was the tell-tale CCTV crackle that meant audio was to follow. Sure enough, there was a slight scuffling sound before what may have been a door but also could have been a weirdly shaped window burst open. Signal was on his feet in an instant, eyes wide and fists at the ready.
“Whoa, hold your horse, cowboy.”
The voice cracked over the CCTV, distorted more than a normal security camera would. Signal blinked for a moment, eyes narrowing momentarily in the grainy footage, before his own voice, steady, tired and equally distorted, came through the video.
“Horses. The saying is horses. What took you so long?”
The figure, unseen by the camera, may have shrugged, or may have grinned. There was a flash of movement as something was thrown through the air towards Signal. The vigilante looked torn between dodging the flying item or catching it, and in the split second it took him to decide, he had already atomically reach out and grabbed it. It was a paper bag with an unrecognisable logo on the side.
“Lunch,” The unseen voice spoke again, “most important meal of the day. Can't miss it.”
Signal stared at where the figure of the voice must have been before glancing down at the bag.
“Spoiler,” The vigilante begun carefully addressing the figure of the voice that was now identified to be the vigilante spoiler, “I was kidnapped, I think that is slightly more critical. And,” Signal strains his neck now, eyes flicking to gaze at something behind Spoiler, “it's three in the morning.”
“Exactly. Lunchtime.”
The video cuts to another clip, shorter than the previous two. This time the camera is attached to someone who is ducking a weaving through a heavily piled up traffic jam. As the camera reaches the front of the jam, the viewers witness what has caused such a massive pile up. A multi-car collision completely blocks the main exit of the highway, some are on fire and more than most are smoking slightly in the night air. Passengers and drivers alike littered the street, arguing or crying with or at each other. Virtually all of them had a mobile phone out, and viewers were keen to point out, some were clearly trying to get through to insurance companies and were having little to no luck in the matter.
The figure the camera was attached to spoke again. A particularly sharp of hearing listener was quick to point out that the figure speaking now was the same as the one that had so delicately asked if there were any marshmallows on hand in the first clip. Their voice just as eery as before, inflection just slightly off as they spoke.
“Is't too early to place bets on which 'nsurance company is going to stiff 'em the most?”
The video cuts again. There is no picture this time, only a black screen. The sound of running water, and the sound of several people trying to pull themselves out of what may have been water but also could have been mud, given all the squelching. A cheerful voice pierced through the sounds of squelching to say, in an all too happy tone of voice;
“Well, this is a fine kettle of fish… or should I say “Bat-tle of the Bayous?”
There was silence for a moment. The sound of running water, the only noise to be heard, even when amplified. If silence could be judgmental, it was now.
...
“If you make one more pun, I swear, I am eating you.”
(Let me know if you want a chapter 2 for the comments! I just wanted to give you guys something as it's been like 2 weeks since I've uploaded (as i said shit -> fan) hope you enjoyed this out of canon-out of canon fic!)(This wasn't funny, except in my own head)