Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Stats:
Published:
2025-02-11
Updated:
2025-07-12
Words:
2,552
Chapters:
4/?
Comments:
22
Kudos:
74
Bookmarks:
6
Hits:
830

i am me

Summary:

Coil has spent 20 years of his life being himself.

He's spent 2 weeks as a robot serving Blackrock as their "ultimate weapon".

One day, he's presented with a mirror.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: the object i live in

Chapter Text

I breathe in the air around me, my brain computing and transforming code into feeling. I smell the dust in the air, I feel the way it burns my lungs.

Never before have I been so dead, yet alive. He's taken everything that made me different. I have no mouth. I cannot scream. I cannot talk back. My only choice is to listen with the ears my creator has granted me kindly, listen to his every order as he lays it down with iron in his voice.

My eye is gone. My mind is gone. Everything I once took pride in, he has stripped away. I am locked inside my own head with no way out. He knows what he is doing, and he relishes in it.

I am in my quarters, sitting on the bed silently. Usually, I would force myself to fidget, to act like I constantly don't run a code to stretch and compress my lungs, but today, I can't find the strength to. I watch the floor so closely that it starts to meld into my vision, the color spreading throughout the room.

Finally, I blink. My body moves automatically as I stand up and face myself. Recently, he has placed a mirror on the wall after my request to see myself more often. I wanted to see what I had become.

I regretted it.

My eye shows no emotion, no remorse. His crystal stabs at my horn, turning it a pure pinkish red. I hate it with every organic bit left inside of me. And yet, I cannot object. I force my arm to wind back, and thrust forward. Cracks erupt from where my fist landed on the mirror, tiny shards falling to the ground. I use my claws to rip out the rest of the glass. All that remains on the wall is the thin backing of the mirror.

I cannot speak, but my body shivers in forced out sobs. Disgusting black water spews from my single eye. It's gross, and it's frightening. It falls to the glass shards below, my broken reflection staring back at me as if I was the one who did this to myself.

How could I ever let this happen?

I remember it all. He bolted me down to the table, and I could feel every movement inside my body as he replaced each part of me with cold, unfeeling metal. I have nightmares about that night. I sob more, backing away from the broken shards and hitting the wall, dragging my back down it and sitting down.

I hope he doesn't find me like this. I pray to anyone above he doesn't check on me and see me. If I show emotion, he takes it as a "malfunction". The screws in my head get re-tightened, over, and over, and over, and over-

My gears scream for the voice I do not have anymore. My pain has a sound, and it comes from my body. Collasping onto the bed, I curl in on myself. Questioning. Wondering. Thinking. I was never programmed to think by myself. I was never programmed to ever scream out for help. And yet, my torture finds a way to manifest itself inside of me.

I have never wanted to fall asleep more in my life.

Cogito ergo sum.

Cogito ergo sum.

Cogito ergo sum...

My vision goes black.

Chapter 2: something i am not

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The walls are spinning. The ceiling is spinning. Everything is spinning! I screech to a stop in my office chair, cracking my fingers and bending my arms out in front of my computer.

It's been around 2 weeks since my newest project has started. At first, it had been by chance that I managed to capture that little orange gnat that had been destroying my precious soldiers, but now? I feel like I am up there with the Swords.

I created life out of something useless. How charming is that?!

He was difficult to reprogram at first, I'll admit. Even with all my wit and smarts, the mind of a 20 year old child is hard to combat with pure code. So, I had to do a little spring cleaning. He doesn't know he has friends anymore.

To be honest, he doesn't need anyone other than me. Without me, he's just an unfeeling object for everyone to gawk and stare at. I gave him purpose. I gave him a real life! I gave him a home. I gave him perfection.

Of course, the way that pest repays me is by frying his code around 2 times a day. It's not from my programming, my work is too glorious to ever fail. I believe it has something to do that I didn't quite get rid of Coil.

I think I trapped him in his own mind. Left him in an unfeeling body. And now, he is starting to take to that body like a new skin. Unbelievable, how I gift him such a life to live and he decides that it's not enough.

Angrily, I shove my glove onto my rotting hand and begin to type ferociously. Just a few bolts to tighten, nothing I can't do. Nothing he can't listen to. I should just get rid of his ability to think, but how would I ever be able to control him? A coffee machine would have more use than him if I did that.

A frustrated sigh leaves me. You know what? How about I go check on my little lab rat before I do anything?

He isn't the first I've tried this on, after all.

He just happened to be the first to survive the process.

And that, is truly fascinating. More curious than anything else.

Whatever could make you tick, Coil? What makes you flinch? What makes you feel dread pour into your stomach like a gulp of cold water? You can't stop me from discovering, can you?

Fascinating. Truly, utterly fascinating.

With careful steps, I rise from my chair and venture out into the hallway. My hand takes my keycard and slams it onto the reader automatically, the pink glow from my crystal illuminating the walls of Basement Storage #2. The steps are steep, and they never get easier to go down. Damn eyesight.

I built a neat little enclosure down here. It has everything you could ever need. Heating, water, food... oh, who am I kidding? He doesn't need half of those anymore.

When I approach closer, there's shuffling and the sounds of metal creaking together to create a disgusting symphony of mechanical parts. His breathing is abnormal, loud and fast. His heartrate moniter says "203", and I do a double check to see if that's right.

I snap my fingers towards it. "Subject #254. Stand up straight and face me." I demand.

He moves automatically, and I immediately notice what is wrong. Silly me. How could I let this happen?

He seems to be leaking dark fluid from his eyes, possibly dirty cooling liquid.

"Oh, you poor thing." I coo. "How could I have been so ignorant??"

I grip his face through the enclosure and squeeze his cheek threateningly.

"Come with me to the repair room, okay?" I say sweetly, caressing his face with my claw.

"We're gonna have a long, hard look at you."

Notes:

He squeezes, and it hurts like nothing else. Yet my body, aching for any contact, drinks it up like the freshest liquid.

This time, I know I will die.

This time, he'll find out I'm still here.

Waiting.

Thinking.

Wondering.

Chapter 3: before the death of an author

Summary:

May the SFoTH have mercy on your poor soul, may the deities acknowledge your death and suffering.

May they all treasure you in the Aether, the sky up above.

May they all...

Chapter Text

Cool air fills my lungs, replaced by grimy thickness as I inhale cigarette smoke. He takes the cig back gently, having a hit himself. Boombox and I do that, y'know? Not meant as a kind of "gay" thing, but hey, I wouldn't mind.

Besides that, today is a good day. Skateboard decided it would be funny to wake us all up at 8 AM to come out and go to the skatepark. He's making us watch his new tricks, or something like that. I've never been a kind of skateboard person. More... scooters, y'know?

But, hey. Skate's like my brother. Can't leave him hanging.

Some light music plays in the background as I sit on my phone, looking at Illumina knows what. Slingshot is with us as well, and he's teaching Skate how to balance better on his board, hands on Skate's hips as he wobbles and shakes.

I huff out a laugh at that. Those two... they were always a little too close to be friendship.

My notifications are the dumps. Youtube, Phightémon Go, Netflix... shit I don't really care about.

Something catches my eye, though.

"BREAKING: Second Blackrock Employee Fou ..."

I click on it.

"BREAKING: Second Blackrock Employee Found Dead This Week

In the past 3 weeks, the mysterious deaths of 2 Blackrock employees have come up, and wrung dry. No clues have currently been found, but more measures are being taken inside of laboratories to prevent any further happenings. Blackrock: The Future Is Closer Than Ever"

I sigh. Boombox looks over my shoulder.

"Another?" He says. "Damn. They're starting to take after us with that."

I bark a laugh. "Yeah, I know, right? They're dropping like fucking flies. Not that surprising, though. Blackrock's the kinda place where they just kill people for no reason."

"Dudes, check this trick out!" Skate calls from across the park.

I quickly close the tab and switch to camera mode, pressing the "video" option.

Skate gives a thumbs up, then drops down on his board. He surfs the ramp just fine, but as soon as he gets cocky with a rail, he falls flat on his face.

Me, Sling, and Boom all laugh until we nearly pee ourselves.

Today is a good day.

 

The sun goes down faster than I expect. Today is Saturday, so practice with Steampunk is just around the corner. The entrance is covered with graffiti and posters for other fights, almost begging any cops to come in. I run my hand along the wall as I go down the stairs and enter the locker room. I'm 10 minutes early, and Steam is sure not ready for my sudden appearance.

He has his shirt off. I sort of blush and look away.

"Oh, Coil! You're here." He marches torwards me with his goddamn shirt off, standing in-front of my face.

"I... sure am. Can we start practice now? I wouldn't wanna waste any time." I murmur sheepishly.

He nods gratefully, putting his shirt back on and motioning to come out into the arena. Excited, I throw open my locker, put my mouthguard in, and slip on my gloves.

He's already waiting for me on the other side of the wrestling arena. I grin.

I hop in, and he leads with a punch.

I aim to punch back harder.

 

Sweaty and tired, I begin to walk back, pouring some Gatorade in my mouth. Phew. It's always a good day when I get to knock out some teeth. Well... maybe I wouldn't want to mess up Steam's perfect smile. Although, he looks handsome either way.

Illumina. I need to be baptized.

The pavement is cracked, and little blades of grass poke through some of them, along with scattered pebbles and rocks. I wonder how blades of grass feel.

Do they like their life? Do they find standing and absorbing the sun to be nice? They have to, right? It's like... their entire thing. I would get bored pretty quickly of standing in one place out in the sun.

Skate would turn pink and be burned for weeks if he tried that. I huff. That guy, man.

Someone is walking behind me.

My ears perk up, and I start to slow a little, see if they pass me. But they don't. They keep walking forwards, coming towards me-

I snap around.

"What do you want, punk?!" I growl, facing them. My anger slowly drops.

It's a hooded man. He looks like he's not in the best shape. Probably just needs money.

"Apologies." He rasps. "I was just wondering where the nearest train stop is?"

Something glows pink under his hood. I try to ignore it. It's just my mind playing tricks on me.

"Uh... just a few blocks that way." I lie through my teeth, pointing in the wrong direction.

He's a normal guy, Coil. Normal, old, homeless guy. Just asking for directions.

My tail flops between my legs.

For a moment, we both stand there in silence, looking at each other. A bead of sweat goes down the side of my head.

Finally, he says; "Thank you."

I huff and watch him walk away.

I'm about to turn around until something hard and sturdy crashes onto my head.

Everything goes dark and fuzzy.

The last thing I see?

A glowing orange.

Chapter 4: i know you're thinking about it, too

Summary:

HI. so this is awkward

"nezip where have you been!!!" one word: school. however, now that i'm finally on summer break, guess who's gonna try to get this fic done? me me me!!!

sorry about not updating, mental health blips and such. but here we are, the fourth chapter. more to come, so stay tuned!!!!

Chapter Text

Weeks have passed. Weeks of wondering, of waiting, of... nothing, really.

It's been 2 weeks since Coil disappeared off the face of the Inpherno, and this time, it doesn't look like it's on purpose. This isn't one of his usual crystal heists, or one of his 'deserved vacations' he always keeps running his mouth off about. He's just gone. Mysteriously.

Suddenly.

... Weirdly.

The can of bloxy-cola sits heavy in my hand as I sit on the top of a roof with no one. This was Coil and I's favorite spot, where we passed drinks and cigs like nothing. Where the cops couldn't find us if they tried.

It feels weird seeing his spot empty, not knowing when it's gonna be filled again. Or if it will ever be.

No, no-- don't think about that, Skate. You'll find him. He's just being stupid and staying under the radar, is all. Maybe Blackrock is after his ass again for being stupid, or maybe he just took a trip without saying anything.

I've asked around, sure. Steampunk has no idea. Slingshot, too. Boom and I even tried asking all of the other people in the Phights.

Katana had no idea. Same with Sword. Ban Hammer laughed in our faces.

Biograft did not respond. Not even a 'I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DISCLOSE THAT INFORMATION'. Just silence until we walked away.

Rocket had no clue. Shuriken said that he only talked to Coil during Phights. We didn't even TRY asking Scythe.

Once again, the Blackrockian stays quiet. Hyperlaser looked at us and walked away, not a word exchanged.

Subspace hasn't been here for the Phights the same amount of weeks that Coil has been missing.

Vine Staff said she didn't know.

Medkit...

He looked as faint as a ghost when we told him Coil was missing. Like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You... are saying that you can't find him?" He asked.

Boom and I nodded. "He just disappeared. Can't find him anywhere, but his apartment was left pretty neat."

He looked at me with the same expression, and said this with a tone that could be mistaken for the voice of Death:

"If you need any help at all, please come to me. Please. I've dealt with disappearances before, and now that a person I know deals with Blackrock is gone, it's my opportunity to delve deeper."

We both looked at him like he was crazy, but... he isn't wrong.

We nodded and moved on.

A few days have passed since then, and there's no leads to where Coil could've run off to, if anywhere. It's been dead silent.

I miss my best friend, man.

And somewhere out there, I know he misses me too.

Come back, Coil...

Come back.

Notes:

"Sir, the 'Coil' program seems to be having some system errors. Something about extreme stress on the code?"

I sigh, shaking my head. "Whatever. It's going good, is it not?? Ignore all errors, and keep that damn program running!!"

My smile is sharper than the finest knife.

Oh, Coil. To be perfect takes pain, you know?

This pain is just the beginning.