Chapter Text
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate
🌸
Goh wakes up to the feeling of trailing kisses down his neck. It’s a nice and soothing feeling that he doesn’t care to complain about. He hums appreciatively before he opens his eyes – alert and not sleepy anymore. Ash doesn’t seem to care, or rather, notice Goh’s awareness, because he turns Goh onto his back, and still leaning forward into a morning kiss, which Goh quickly blocks by putting a firm finger on Ash’s lips.
“Let me remind you where we are”, Goh says, and Ash rolls his eyes.
“At your parents’ apartment”.
Ah yeah, they are at Goh’s parents' apartment indeed. They got invited over for another dinner yesterday, which they didn’t even dare to decline. Ash knows that meetings with Goh’s parents are always rare because of their overworking habits, so he always makes sure that they will have time to visit them at least once a month. Maybe not for Goh’s parents' sake, but for Goh’s.
They were supposed to come back to the Laboratory after dinner, but they all had such a good time together that they lost track of time, and before they realized it, was too late to even try to come back.
Camille offered both boys to stay overnight in Goh’s old room, saying that their visits got more frequent, so Walker exchanged the bed for a bigger one for situations like that. If it was also done in the hope that Goh and Ash will visit them more often – Camille hasn’t mentioned that.
And Ash must admit the bed is really comfortable, way too comfortable that he wants to stay close to Goh’s embrace forever and kiss him all over his beautiful face. But right now, panic, and maybe some annoyance, flashes through Goh’s face, and Ash just looks at him, confused.
“And why exactly does it stand in the way of me kissing you?”, Ash tilts his head, and Goh swears he’s gonna wipe that smug grin off his face soon.
“My mom can walk in here any minute?”
“I don’t think she would care–”
“I think she would–”
“Well, but you didn’t seem to care when you asked me to share our first kiss right he– ouch–”, Goh hits Ash with a pillow, and the boy scowls in a pretended pain.
“That’s the difference. It was supposed to be just a quick and experimenting kiss. But now our kisses are quite long and–” Passionate, breathless, and they always make me weak in the knees he would add, but Ash doesn’t let him finish his sentence.
“Oh come on. Just one kiss? As a good morning?”, Ash pouts, and Goh rolls his eyes, but tilts his head as an invitation for a kiss anyway. He never can say no to Ash.
But just one kiss, Goh reminds him. Ash rolls his eyes before he happily leans forward again, and Goh is close to connecting their lips together in the kind of kiss that will leave them both breathless. Goh’s eyes widen in panic again when he hears familiar footsteps, and he yanks Ash to the side, and the poor boy falls to the floor.
“Goh, Ash, the breakfast is ready”, Camille says as she opens the door, and Ash tries clumsily to get back to the bed again. Yeah, as expected, his mom always has the best timing.
Goh breaths heavily, and his mom just blinks a few times, taking in the scene in front of her.
“Maybe I’ll just leave you alone”, Camille mutters to herself when she sees a familiar pink blush covering her son’s face.
He feels the urge to hide behind the pillow.
“Ah, maybe I should learn the habit of knocking on the door. Come to think of it, you remind me of me when I was younger and I tried to sneak Walker overnight. You should ask Grandma for some fun stories. Anyways, join us when you’re ready”, Camille says before she leaves the room. She gets deep in thought before she comes back to add.
“For Ash’s sake, and his falling to the floor every time you get scared that I will see you kissing. In all honesty, it doesn’t bother me as long as you’re respectful. I don’t want the poor boy to be covered in bruises after your visits here”, she winks, and she finally leaves the room, closing it behind kindly.
“See? Told you she wouldn’t care”, Ash says, and Goh groans something, hiding his face in the nearest pillow.
Ash doesn’t seem to care about Goh’s embarrassment, because he still asks. “Soooo, what about that kiss?”, there’s a tint of hope in his voice, and Goh hits him with the pillow again.
He gets the kiss anyway.
🌸
Halta in fact does have a lot of stories to share. Ash laughs aloud when she tells the story of how Walker tried to climb through the balconies to get to the 7th floor, but Goh finds it quite romantic.
“That reminds me, I need to get my karaoke contest trophy from the car”, Halta says, and Walker offers his help, but Goh stops them both.
“Ash can help”, he says, and Ash looks confused. He blinks a few times, but he finally grins as he agrees.
These strong hands carried a lot of trophies, Ash brags, and Halta laughs as they both leave the apartment. Walker goes after them anyway.
Goh breathes out in relief, and there’s a knowing look on Camille’s face that her son wants to talk about something privately.
He gets deep in thought before he voices out.
“So um, Valentine's Day is coming in a week, and I’m just not sure what I could get for Ash”, Goh shyly says, and Camille smiles kindly.
“Oh, sweetheart, Ash lives on the air you’re breathing. You’re the best gift he could ever have”.
Goh just blinks a few times before he giggles. “Oh, that’s– lowkey cheesy”.
“Yeah, I guess”, Camille agrees. “But that’s true. I see the way he’s looking at you. He really cares about you”.
Goh hums to that and gets deep in thought again. That’s true, Ash really cares about him, so that’s why Goh wants to give him something special.
“But yeah, I think you could give him something that could remind him of you”, Camille wonders, and Goh tilts his head. “Something like a…”
“Like?”, Goh asks, but he gets cut off by Halta opening the apartment’s door, and Ash and Walker carrying the trophy inside.
“Wow, it’s so big”, Goh says in awe, turning his attention to the trophy, and Halta loudly laughs.
“Just like my talent”, she winks.
Ash sits next to Goh again as he brushes a soft kiss to Goh’s temple. Camille watches them with soft eyes. Some tears gather in her eyes just at the sight of her son being so in love and so cared for. She quickly wipes them off, before she proposes some sweet snacks, and both boys eagerly agree.
Camille goes to the kitchen to bring the snacks, and seeing that Halta and Walker are distracted with setting up the trophy, Goh places a soft kiss on Ash’s lips. Ash chuckles into it and he intertwines their hands together under the table.
Goh sighs to himself. 7 days until Valentine's Day. 7 days and he still hasn’t figured out the gift, but all he knows is that it needs to be special, just like Ash is to him.
🌸
“Ah, sorry guys, we haven’t finished unpacking yet”, Gary explains and moves some of the boxes out of their way with his foot.
Gary and Tokio moved to their new place at the beginning of the week, and Goh must admit it sparked something inside his heart. Just the thought of him and Ash moving at some point somewhere where they could live their peaceful lives with their tiny family of Pokemon makes his heart feel so warm and fuzzy and–
“Do you like it?”, Tokio asks when he’s giving them a little tour, and Goh blinks a few times to fully register the question. The question seems pretty rhetorical to Goh because it’s not his place to judge.
“I think you both should be the ones to love the place where you’re gonna spend the rest of your life”, Goh chuckles, but in fact he does love the place too.
It’s rather small, but cozy. It has a small playground for Pokemon and oh, it even has a balcony. The place is perfect and beautiful, and Goh feels the invisible string tying him to the balcony to look at the city view. The balcony caught his attention first in all honesty, as he already pictured how gorgeous the stars would glisten, looking at them from there in the night sky.
So he sneaks there to get some fresh air and just to…think.
Goh takes a glance at his ring finger for a second, and somehow the emptiness on it weighs on him, and maybe…maybe he bittersweetly wishes there would be a promise kept in the shape of the ring wrapped around his finger already too.
He takes a deep breath as Gary joins him on the balcony, Umbreon and Grookey following him closely. Ah, of course he wouldn’t get even a second of peace.
“Ash told me there was a 95% chance you would be here”, Gary laughs and takes a glance at the boy next to him, but Goh doesn’t utter any kind of a reply.
Gary notices Goh’s weird behaviour, and Goh casts his gaze away, hiding his hand into the pocket. Grookey jumps on his shoulder and nuzzles into his cheek. Goh’s glad for that slight amount of comfort.
“Something tells me you’re already thinking of it too”, Gary breaks the silence, and Goh once again feels like he’s an open book with his emotions written on it for everyone to read.
It means a lot of things, but right now, it means what Tokio and Gary have. And Gary’s right. Goh wants it too.
“Well, I mean, me and Ash had a talk about it. We’re not in a rush”, Goh says, much to his dismay, and Gary hums. He hears the disappointment in his friend’s voice, so he’s certain that Goh isn’t the one who is not in a rush.
“You’re both not in a rush or more like Ash? ‘Cause you know, the longing glances you give when you look at Tokio’s ring tells me everything”.
Goh closes his eyes for a second. There’s some familiar annoyance bottling up in him.
In all honesty, pushing Gary from the balcony sounds like a good idea right now. At least he would leave him alone and wouldn’t bother him with all those questions and–
But Goh also knows it’s Gary’s way of helping or coming to understand something that he can’t exactly figure out on his own, so he may as well play the game and answer. He knows Gary is only trying to help.
“I guess just looking at you both making plans, being that happy makes me feel like…well, I’m not jealous of you, it’s just–”, Goh says, looking down at his hands and holding the railing.
“You wish you would be at this stage of your life too?”
“Yeah”, Goh whispers. He’s pretty sure he’s gonna be judged for his honesty, but to his surprise, Gary just kindly smiles at him.
“I’m pretty sure it’s close”, Gary says, turning back his attention to the view below them. Goh looks at the city too, even if he knows this view by heart.
“How do you know?”, Goh quietly asks, and Gary tilts his head in confusion.
And Goh wants to ask how do you know it’s close?, but instead he changes the question a little.
“How do you know when it’s the right time?”
Gary gets deep in thought. He doesn’t know the exact answer to Goh’s question, but he can say what he knows for sure. He smiles to himself before he replies a quiet You’ll just feel it.
It doesn’t quite answer Goh’s question, but somehow, it feels like enough for him.
“Ash will know too”, Gary adds, and Goh sadly nods his head. He knows that. He just always gets caught up in his head and he overthinks everything. But he had that talk with Ash, and he shouldn’t–
Goh squints his eyes in annoyance when a familiar wave overthinking washes over his mind again. Gary must’ve noticed his anxious behavior, because he puts a comforting, but firm hand on his free shoulder. He gives it a soothing squeeze, and it helps to ease Goh’s anxiety a little.
Goh takes a few deep breaths, focusing on looking at the view below him. Somehow looking at his childhood city feels comforting for him.
Goh pets Grookey a few times in a slow movement as Gary glances worriedly at his friend, but Goh brushes it off by saying that he’s alright. He still looks at the busy streets of Vermillion when one question comes to his busy mind.
“Why did you choose Vermillion though? Tokio’s parents live in Johto, and your hometown is basically Pallet Town, so why Vermillion?”, Goh asks curiously, and Gary almost chokes on air.
Somehow a pink blush appears on his face, and Goh has a teasing remark at the end of his tongue when realization washes over him.
“Hold on, you wanted to be close to us? So that’s why you chose–”, Goh quietly utters, and Gary smiles at him.
“Yeah, Tokio always laments how we don’t see each other often because of our tight work schedules, so maybe living nearby could help with that”, Gary explains, and Goh feels that warm feeling spreading through his chest.
“That’s so considerate, thank you”, Goh whispers, before he decides to tease Gary anyway. “I didn’t know you care about me soooo much”.
Gary rolls his eyes, but he smiles anyway. “Thought you would realize it by now”.
“Of course I did. I feel honored to be on the list of the people you care about”, Goh jokes, and Gary laughs aloud, which Goh quickly follows with his own laughter.
“Not only do I care about you, but I’ve known you long enough that I know something still bothers you. What’s wrong?”, Gary asks with concern in his voice, and Goh once again feels so vulnerable.
“I’m not sure what I could give Ash for Valentine’s Day. I want to give him something special, but I’m out of ideas”, Goh says, defeated, and Gary hums deep in thought.
“I think you are already special to him enough”, Gary chuckles, and Goh rolls his eyes.
“Gary, I’m serious”.
“I know, and I’m serious too. I have known Ash since my childhood, and I know that he doesn’t care about any materials. In all honesty, you could give him a half eaten cake, and he would be so grateful for it because it would be from you”, Gary laughs, and Goh chuckles to himself.
“Was that supposed to be helpful?”, Goh snorts, and Gary playfully hits him with his elbow.
“I guess, take a hint”, Gary winks, and Goh laughs again.
“He loves sweets, you know. He really loved the Applin as his anniversary gift”, Gary eventually says, and Goh smiles at the memory of their anniversary. He doesn’t know how he’s gonna beat the anniversary gift, but he may as well try. Applin was so personal and special at the same time, but how can he beat it?
He gets lost in his mind again when Gary calms his racing thoughts. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out”.
“Thank you”, Goh whispers as they both focus on the Vermillion view beneath them once again.
🌸
“Top 4 is a good achievement”, Goh reassures Sawyer by putting a firm hand on his shoulder.
It’s been two months since Hoenn League, and Goh can tell that Sawyer is still upset about his loss, even if he tries to put a smile on his face.
“Yeah I know”, Sawyer tries to sound confident, but he fail,s and Goh sees right through him.
Goh tries to carefully choose his next words so as not to upset Sawyer further. “Well, you can try the Kalos League next time or maybe the Hoenn League again?”
Sawyer tilts his head as he’s thinking his next words through.
“Actually, maybe I could give the World Coronation Series a try next year?”, Sawyer wonders, and Goh squeezes his shoulder reassuringly.
“Absolutely. You give it your best. Ash will be so thrilled to see both you and Alain participating”.
“Yeah”, Sawyer laughs. “Alain can’t shut up about it. He’s already training hard”.
“So how’s Alain doing? I haven’t seen him around lately”, Goh asks with concern in his voice, but Sawyer quickly cuts his worries off.
“Oh, he’s doing fine. You know, Valentine’s Day is coming and he’s just taking a break from us”, Sawyer laughs, and Goh smiles to himself.
“So I assume, you and Clemont are doing well too”, Goh says as he looks at Sawyer from the corner of his eye to see his reaction to his words.
“Yeah, we are”, Sawyer smiles, looking into the distance at Clemont and Ash hanging out together and Goh follows his gaze.
“We’re still figuring out the whole thing”, Sawyer shyly admits, and Goh nods his head.
Sawyer’s and Clemont’s relationship reminds Goh a lot of his and Ash’s early stages of dating. Sweet and experimenting kisses, holding hands shyly and faces covered in pink blush whenever they were in close proximity, and it all makes Goh feel nostalgic, but also… also. They aren’t on that stage anymore, and Goh craves more. He looks at his ring finger sadly as he bites his lips. He had that talk with Ash already. He knows Ash wants to marry him. So why is he so caught up in still overthinking it?
Goh tries so hard to clear his cloudy head when Sawyer’s voice reaches his ears again.
“Do you guys have any plans for it?”, Sawyer breaks Goh from his thoughts, and he needs to blink a few times to fully register the question. Goh shakes his head. So far, he didn’t speak to Ash about Valentine’s Day at all, so they don’t have any plans yet.
“Me and Clemont are going on a date. Ah, you know, Valentine’s Day is such a big deal in Kalos. It’s the most romantic day, so I want to make it special for Clemont because it’s our first Valentine’s Day as a couple”.
Goh nods to his words. He wanted his and Ash’s first Valentine’s Day to be special too, but they got caught up in research back then and they never got a chance to properly celebrate it, so that’s why he wants to give Ash the most special gift this year around. At least, if he will find the right thing.
“You know, Serena, May and Lisia are having a Valentine’s Day themed performance, maybe it could be yours early Valentine’s Day date?”, Sawyer softly laughs, and Goh’s eyes spark at the idea. They would probably have to do some accommodations to their plans, because they promised to meet up with Chloe and Dawn too, but the idea sounds so tempting–
“That actually sounds nice”, Goh admits as they both turn their attention to Clemont’s new invention that just blew up, and Sawyer sighs as he stands up. “Ah, not again”.
Goh laughs, but joins them too, brushing a soft kiss to Ash’s covered-in-smoke head.
You need to practice running away, Goh softly whispers and Ash rolls his eyes, but he intertwines their fingers together.
Goh enjoys the closeness, and if he traced his finger alongside Ash’s ring finger, Ash was kind enough not to mention that he noticed the movement.
There’s a lot in Goh’s head right now, and Ash knows that, but he’s not ready to have that conversation once again. At least, not yet.
🌸
“The performance was so outstanding”, Goh praises, and both May and Serena smile at his kind words.
“We’re so glad you enjoyed it”, Serena says, smiling when Goh’s Grookey jumps on her Delphox to have some fun together. Sylveon and Glaceon join too, but Pikachu stays in Ash’s arms as he’s in the deep slumber of his nap.
Goh really enjoys the vibe of Lumiose City prior to Valentine’s Day. There are pink and red hearts hanging everywhere. Everything seems more romantic and he looked in awe at every shop and street covered in pink and red decorations– and if he noticed that Ash is less excited about the day than he is, he pretended he didn’t see it.
They decided to hang out in the nearest cafe, and Goh’s surprised it’s not as busy as he thought it would be during that week. They’re still waiting for Lisia to join them, and Serena explained that the girl never misses any chances of giving interviews. Goh’s a little nervous about meeting Wallace’s niece, and May tries to brush his worries off by saying that Lisia is nice and chill and they will enjoy her company.
And they do enjoy her company despite her not-so-subtle trying to flirt with Goh in the first second of their meeting.
“Oh my, my, the World Champion has an absolute taste”, she winks and Goh blushes a little at her words. He feels Ash’s posture stiffening and he puts an arm around Goh’s waist so he could pull him closer. Despite Goh’s embarrassment, he still smirks to himself, because jealous Ash is a sight he rarely sees.
“I think every mermaid would love to live in your eyes. What’s your name, you ocean blue eyes beauty?”, she asks, and Goh can hear the sincerity in her voice right now. Her voice isn’t teasing or flirting anymore, so he opens his mouth to answer when Ash cuts him off.
“That’s Goh, he’s my partner”, and Goh almost chokes on his coffee. Serena already choked on hers, and May only widely grins. Ash just tightens his grip around Goh’s body, and Lisia chuckles to herself as she explains.
“Oh my, you read my intentions wrong. I’m not trying to steal him from you”, she winks, and Ash relaxes a little bit under her kind gaze and reassurance. He apologizes for overreacting, but Lisia waves her hand and brushes it off.
“It’s just my way of complimenting, and let me tell you, the ocean blue eyes beauty has a face of a coordinator. Think this through, sweetie”, she winks before she goes to get her favorite coffee.
May apologizes for Lisia’s behaviour, and Goh absentmindedly shakes his head, saying that it’s okay. His mind barely registers the words anymore. His mind stopped listening at the last word his brain remembers. Partner. Ash called him his partner. His heart skips a bit as the word is still ringing in his cloudy head.
“But what Lisia said it’s true. I think you would be a wonderful coordinator, Goh”, May kindly smiles, and Goh whispers a soft thank you, not fully being a part of the conversation anymore.
Ash brushes a soft kiss to Goh’s temple as he says I think so too, and Goh locks their eyes together. Brown eyes looking deep into the ocean blue ones, holding a lot of promises in them. Goh hopes it’s not his imagination.
🌸
“What was that all about, huh?, Goh asks, connecting his lips with Ash’s. The boy hums appreciatively as he kisses Goh back.
They’re finally back in Vermillion, and the first thing Goh did was to say hi to Professor Cerise, waving to his Pokemon, and then dragging his boyfriend into their room to steal all the air from his lungs by kissing him breathless.
And it’s not that Ash complains, but he surely knows what he’s walked into. He knows what direction the talk will go in, and he already feels tired just thinking of it.
“...calling me like that ”, Goh says over kisses, and Ash holds onto Goh’s hips to pull away and calm him down.
Goh isn’t upset that the kiss has ended abruptly. He smiles widely at Ash. His eyes are sparkling, and Ash feels so guilty for breaking Goh’s happy and content aura. He really hoped he didn’t give Goh any false hope or expectations just by referring to him as a partner, but he did, and walked into yet another mess.
“Oh, that”, Ash laughs, scratching his cheek. “It slipped from my lips on its own. I got a little bit overprotective of you seeing Lisia’s behavior”.
And that’s partially true, it did slip on its own, but Ash really wanted to start to refer to Goh as his partner since his talk with Leon back in Kalos. He just never figured out the right timing before, and today was a good occasion.
Goh tilts his head in confusion as his happy face quickly sobers, and disappointment is written all over his face now. Oh.
“You…didn’t mean to say it?”, Goh asks, casting his gaze away. The upset is pretty hearable in his voice as he speaks.
Oh. So he thought about it after all.
“I did mean it”, Ash says, sad at how disappointed Goh looks.
The truth is, Ash still feels the word in his tongue, how nice it felt to say it and how easy it left his lips – like he would be used to saying it on a daily basis.
Goh still doesn’t lock his gaze with Ash’s as he processes what he had just heard, and Ash heavily sighs. He wants to reassure Goh some more, but his ringing Rotom phone interrupts the moment. Ash answers the video call bitterly.
“Oh hi, Professor Burnet, it’s great to see you”, Ash smiles, even though he’s not that excited to pick up the video call now.
Goh quickly sits next to him, brushing his hand against Ash’s slightly, and Ash is somehow relieved for even a tiny bit of closeness between them.
“It’s great to see you both, too. Ah, Goh, I wanted to congratulate you again for your hard work on the Pokedex. We’re so proud of you. Lei can’t get over scanning every Pokemon just to hear your voice”, Burnet laughs, and Goh smiles at her words.
“But yeah, I just wanted to see how you both are doing. Valentine’s Day is coming, and I wanted to know if you have some plans for it and–”, as she’s rambling, Ash wants to intertwine his and Goh’s hands, but Goh takes his hand away like he would be burned, and Ash bites his lips.
“Actually, we’re not having any plans yet”, Goh says bittersweetly, and Burnet looks at them sadly through the camera.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that”, she muses, but Ash rolls his eyes, hoping none of them would see it. He never told anybody, but he’s just not fond of Valentine’s Day. He doesn't necessarily hate the day, he just doesn’t get the idea behind it and–
“It’s not like I’m a big fan of that day anyway”, Ash utters, and Goh turns to look at him, shocked and maybe even more hurt than he was before.
“Why’s that? I think that’s a nice day to show how much you love your second half”, Burnet chuckles, and Ash shakes his head.
“Yeah, that’s the point. Why do some people only show that love during one day and not the whole year? Like, I don’t get it. You’re supposed to embrace your partner’s love all the time, not only on one day because someone decided that and put it in the calendar”, Ash explains, and Burnet wants to tell Ash that maybe he misunderstood the idea of Valentine’s Day, but there’s noise coming from downstairs, and Goh exclaims a worried maybe it’s Grookey and Ash is quick to react saying that he will check on him.
Goh feels it’s also a way of Ash running away from the conversation, maybe not this one, but the previous one they had before the call. He already hates what the day turned into. He’s still upset about what Ash had said before, and he hates how that made him feel.
Goh sighs as Ash leaves the room and Burnet looks at him worriedly over the video call.
He fists his hand, as he gets lost in his thoughts again. He and Ash had an argument, and he loathes arguing with Ash so much. He still doesn’t have a Valentine’s gift for Ash, and on top of that, he just found out he despises the day so much.
What a lovely day.
🌸
And Ash avoids Goh for the rest of the day. It’s not an easy task, but somehow, he succeeds, at least partially.
And don’t get him wrong, he wants to talk through the misunderstanding, but at the same time, he knows how Goh can get caught up in his head, and he knows which direction the talk will go in.
They already had that conversation in Alola, and he thought they had already figured it out. He thought that Goh had finally understood his point of view a little bit more.
Ash wants to get married, but he feels he’s not ready for that step yet. He doesn’t want it to be rushed and pressured. And Goh…Ash sees the longing gazes Goh gives Tokio’s ring. He sees Goh staring at his own ring finger. And now he can add Goh’s reaction just to him calling him a partner to all of that.
And Ash wishes he knew where exactly it all is coming from. He knows that it’s a part of Goh’s insecurities, his past and all those broken promises, but he also feels he’s more than that, and he wishes he could figure it out–
Ash is taken back from his thoughts by a pair of hands gripping his shoulders and pushing him into the nearest wall. Startled, Grookey jumps from Ash’s hands to sit on his arm instead, being scared a bit from his trainer’s behavior.
“I know you’re avoiding me”, it’s a statement. Goh’s upset in his voice got replaced with anger now, and Ash gulps. “We need to finish the talk”.
“But we already had that talk, baby. I know where this is going, and I swear I want to marry you”.
Goh raises his brow. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. But just like we talked about it, not rushed and pressured. I just…I need to feel it”.
Goh leans back, and he blinks a few times. He knows it’s true. He knows Ash means it sincerely. It’s also what Gary had said to him. You’ll just feel it. But why…why does Goh already feel like he would want it to already happen and Ash doesn’t? Why is he still so caught up in it? Why does he already feel like taking that step?
Goh doesn’t want to argue anymore, but he still feels some more of the anger building up in him. He’s still upset. Ash doesn’t give him any more explanations or reassurance. He just looks at him dumbly, and Goh has had enough. He goes into the battle anyway. The words leave his lips on their own.
“I…You just never show how committed you are to me as Gary and Tokio are to each other”.
Ash just frowns. He bites the inside of his cheek so he won’t argue back. A part of him knows that Goh isn’t his rational self right now, and he shouldn’t take his words to heart, but hearing Goh saying these words hurts like hell.
He argues back anyway. He locks his gaze with Goh’s as he fists his hand. He doesn’t say anything back for a while, just looking straight into the familiar, blue eyes that just upset him. Goh knows he must’ve messed up, because his expression turns out regretful, but Ash shakes his head. The damage is done.
“When have I ever not shown that I’m committed to our relationship? I don’t think you know what you’re talking about”, Ash says harshly, and Goh winces at his tone. It’s a lost battle when Ash is upset and angry with him.
“Ash, please…”, Goh weakly pleads, but Ash ignores him.
“I’ve done so much for you and you just…”, Ash shakes his head again because he can’t even utter the words anymore. He doesn’t know if he’s angry or upset, or even both for that matter. You just don’t see it, Ash wants to finish the sentence, but he doesn’t.
“Ash, you know it’s more to me than just a ring. It will be a promise to me”, Goh quietly says as he looks down. He can’t dare to look in Ash’s angry gaze anymore.
“But the fact that it still hasn't happened doesn’t mean that I’m not committed to our relationship. Goh, fuck– I, I already told you how I feel about a rushed and pressured engagement. We already had a talk about it, and it still looks like you’re only thinking about yourself. You’re being so selfish now”, Ash utters the last words bitterly. Goh’s eyes widen as they quickly fill up with tears. None of them fall, but Goh is close to crumbling.
The silence that fell between them is tense and so uncomfortable, and Ash feels the urge to break it and leave the room.
“I think I need to be alone right now”, he says, not looking at Goh anymore. The boy doesn’t respond with anything, and Ash knows he’s just upset right now as he is. Ash takes Grookey with him just to add more insult to the injury, but seeing how Goh is upset with the whole situation, it’s better if he would be alone now.
So Ash just leaves the room without hearing any kind of reply, but he did hear Goh starting to sob when he left the room, and even if Ash is as upset as he is – it still hurts him to hear Goh cry.
Ash sighs to himself. They both lost this battle.
🌸
Goh is wiping his tears when he notices Dawn hanging out alone in one of the rooms. He quietly decides to sit next to her and she welcomes him with a sad smile.
“You’re crying”, Dawn notices, and Goh can’t deny that. He is.
“So are you”, and it’s Dawn’s turn to admit it. She is.
“Yeah, I had an argument with Chloe”, she regretfully says, and Goh looks at her sadly.
“Me and Ash too”, Goh whispers as he’s still sniffing. His voice is a little strained, but Dawn doesn’t mind. “Would you like to talk about it?”
Dawn nods her head as she takes a deep breath to calm herself from crying.
“So um, remember the Grand Festival?, Dawn asks, and Goh nods his head. How could he forget that? It was an unforgettable evening. “I won and Chloe lost, and two days ago, we had another contest and the same thing happened. I said to Chloe that, in my opinion, I think she should’ve won both of them, but she took it in a different way and got upset with me”.
Goh hums to her words in understanding as he thinks of his reply.
“Once, me and Ash were hanging out with our friends in Kalos. We had a 2 on 2 battle, and Ash wanted to team up with me. He said he wanted to give me a free win – I got really upset about that because I thought he was implying that I’m weak and I’m not capable of winning against him”, Goh says, and Dawn carefully listens to every word. “I think, maybe she– maybe she thought that by you saying she should’ve won, you’re being critical of yourself, that you deserved to lose”.
Dawn’s eyes widen as she processes Goh’s words. “I didn’t think of it that way”.
“I mean, it’s just my–”
“No, Goh, you may be right. Thank you”, she kindly smiles, and Goh gives her his most honest smile as a reply.
They sit in a comfortable silence for a while as they’re watching Goh’s Pokemon playing through the window. Some occasional sniffing still fills the room, but none of them are crying anymore. After a moment, Dawn breaks the silence and speaks again.
“Wanna hang out in the city with me? I’m still looking for a Valentine’s Day gift for Chloe. And maybe it’ll help us to get the mind off of whatever has happened today”.
“I’d love to. I’m still looking for one for Ash, but…”, Goh’s eyes saddened as he played with his hoodie for comfort.
“But?”
“Ash said earlier he despises Valentine’s Day”.
“Oh”, is all Dawn can reply in the moment, and Goh can’t blame her for being speechless.
There’s another few minutes of silence that’s finally followed by Dawn’s chuckle.
“I don’t think that matters. You can still give him something, no matter the occasion”, she winks, and Goh nods his head.
“Guess you’re right”, he says as he hugs his arms in comfort. “We should probably– I should let him know we’re going out”.
The anxiety of facing Ash right now washes over his body. He clenches the necklace under his shirt with his shaking hand as he tries to calm himself down, but somehow, the necklace doesn’t bring him any comfort now. Instead, it makes him more anxious.
But Dawn nods in agreement, and it’s too late to come back now from the decision. So Goh takes a deep breath as they both search the Laboratory for even tiny signs of their second halves. For a second, a thought that Ash has left Goh for good flashes through his mind, but relief washes over him when it turns out Ash has been just hanging out with Chloe downstairs.
They both stop talking when they see Goh and Dawn joining them. Chloe immediately casts her gaze away when she sees Dawn approaching, but she does look up at Goh with concern. Ash locks his eyes with Goh’s though, and the boy feels more vulnerable because of his piercing look.
“Um, we’re um, going out, I– I, thought I should let you know”, Goh stutters quietly, and Ash replies equally quiet Okay.
“Where are you going?”, Ash asks, and Goh doesn’t know if it’s out of curiosity or for the sake of the conversation going.
“Just shopping”, Goh says quickly, still somehow feeling the tension and the awkwardness in the air. He wants to get out of the room at the speed of light.
“‘Kay”, is all Ash replies, and he wants to focus on continuing talking to Chloe, when Goh’s voice reaches his ears again. He looks up at the boy, confused when he sees Goh shyly pointing at Grookey.
Despite the upset Ash is still feeling, his eyes soften and he smiles. “Grookey’s napping, but, buddy?”
“Pika!”, Pikachu exclaims as he jumps on Goh’s forearm to copy sitting as Grookey.
Goh blinks a few times before he catches Ash’s gaze again. The boy gives him a weak smile, and Goh utters a quiet Thank you. He didn’t expect Ash to be so…kind after what they said to each other earlier, but that’s how Ash just is, he guesses.
“Um, we’ll be back soon”, Goh says as he and Dawn leave the room. He’s not even sure if any of them care about it, but the quick nod that Ash gives him tells him otherwise.
Goh sighs to himself. He wants this day to be over.
🌸
“I think you’re like me in that matter”, Dawn says, and Goh looks at her, confused. “I mean, me and Chloe had a lot of talks about getting engaged. I always feel like I’m ready for that step, but Chloe’s not so sure about it yet. I totally respect that”.
Goh looks down for a moment, when Dawn speaks again.
“We’re both sure this day will come eventually. The fact that there isn’t a ring on Chloe’s hand or mine doesn’t change anything now. We’re still together, we’re still living together, we’re still traveling and chasing our dreams. So we do the same stuff as we would do when we would be engaged”.
Goh blinks a few times before he chuckles. “I like that point of view”.
“I think, maybe Ash has the same perspective”, Dawn wonders, and Goh nods absentmindedly. She’s probably right. Goh hates himself for overreacting. He hates himself for saying that awful stuff to Ash. He hates himself for ignoring Ash’s feelings and thinking only about himself. Maybe he is selfish after all?
“Am I…selfish for my feelings?”, Goh asks out of the blue, and Dawn stops looking at the shop’s display.
“What, Goh? Of course not. Your feelings are valid too. You both need to process it together”.
Goh doesn’t reply with anything else. He focuses instead on helping Dawn find the perfect gift for Chloe. It helps to distract him from the constant anxiety he’s been feeling since the argument.
“One of Chloe's contest dresses shredded a little, so maybe I could buy her a new one?”, Dawn loudly wonders, and Goh isn't sure if she is talking to him or not, so he focuses on trying to find his own present for Ash.
“Oh my Arceus, I think I found a perfect one”, Dawn exclaimed, and Goh chuckles to himself.
Dawn disappears in the fitting room with the dress in her hand, and Goh is left alone.
Pikachu climbs from Goh’s forearm to his shoulder instead as he whines something, trying to get the boy’s attention.
“What is it, buddy?”, Goh asks absentmindedly as he still looks at various displays full of different things.
Pikachu paws at something, and Goh blinks a few times, before his gaze lands on something beautiful and his eyes spark in excitement.
“Do you think he would like it?”, Goh asks, and Pikachu gives him an excited Pika! in return.
Goh carefully takes the jewelry in his hand, inspecting it carefully as the shop employee approaches him.
“Can I help you?”, the woman kindly smiles, and Goh nods his head.
“I would love to buy it”.
“Such a good choice. Would you like to put a photo inside? We can print it here”, she asks, and Goh shyly shows her the photo on his Rotom phone he would like to include in the gift.
It doesn’t take much time, and before he notices, the woman is already wrapping up his gift.
“You know, a lot of customers are satisfied with it, and it’s worth the price. I’m sure whoever you will give it to will love it”, the employee says, carefully packing his gift, and Goh thanks her for the hard work.
In all honesty, Goh doesn’t care about the price. He would buy it if it would cost millions anyway.
🌸
“Maybe I could take Chloe for a date?”, Dawn wonders as they’re going back to the Laboratory with their chosen gifts, and Goh smiles at her idea.
“Ash once took me to Jessie and James’ restaurant. We had a lot of fun there”.
“Oh yeah, I heard about it, but I also heard it’s quite popular and it’s hard to get there without booking the table first”, Dawn says, regretful that she didn’t think of it before.
“That’s not a problem. Jessie works nearby for a different job. We could ask her”, Goh proposes, and Dawn tilts her head in confusion, but she immediately agrees.
They make the small detour as Dawn states.
“I didn’t know you’re close to Jessie”.
Goh hums to her words. He didn’t expect that either, but he’s grateful about it. He and Jessie meet up sometimes without any plans just to talk and casually hang out. And it all feels…nice.
“Yeah, we got a bit closer”, Goh eventually offers with some tint of odd happiness in his words. Goh doesn’t tell any details, but Dawn just smiles at him, even if the boy doesn’t see it because he’s looking ahead at the road in front of him.
Thankfully, the walk to the therapist centre isn’t long, and they arrive there in a nick of time.
If Dawn is surprised at how close exactly the We got a bit closer look, she doesn’t comment on that.
“Goh, it’s so great to see you”, Jessie kindly smiles as she hugs the boy close to her chest. All the emotions that he felt throughout the whole day wash over him, and Goh almost crumbles into the hug, but he doesn’t dare to cry.
He quickly pulls away, but a few tears have escaped his eyes anyway, so he gently wipes them from his face. Jessie noticed it, but Goh didn’t let her ask any questions about it.
“Um, Dawn wanted to ask if you have a free table on Valentine’s Day in your restaurant”.
“I’m afraid we’re fully booked, but we can make an arrangement for a friend”, Jessie winks, and Dawn widely smiles.
“You mean it?”, Dawn makes sure, and Jessie nods her head.
Jessie wants to ask Goh if maybe he would love to book a table for him and Ash too, but she is interrupted by an unfamiliar woman.
“Jessie, is our next client here– oh. I don’t know any of you”, the woman says, surprised, and Jessie is quick to explain.
“Not yet. It’s Goh and his friend Dawn. I told you about Goh, remember?”
“Ah yes, I remember now. Nice to meet you both. I’m Betty, and I’m a therapist here”, the woman introduces herself as she smiles warmly, and Dawn and Goh kindly wave to her.
Betty inspects Goh carefully with her gaze, and the boy feels a little uncomfortable under her piercing look.
“Goh, I heard some of your struggles”, Betty starts, and he looks up in fear at the woman, but she gently calms him down. “I don’t know any details, don’t worry. If you would be up for it, we could make an appointment and talk, but it’s fine if you don’t want to. It’s up to you”.
Goh carefully considers. He’s only known the woman for about two minutes, and he’s not sure about opening up to a total stranger. But he’s been so emotionally drained today that he doesn’t dream of anything else than processing it with someone and letting it all out.
“Do you mind?”, Goh asks Dawn, but she shakes her head.
“What? No, go ahead, I’ll wait here for you”, Dawn smiles, and she pulls out her Rotom phone to kill the time. Jessie sits next to her, and Dawn shows her a few of hers and Chloe’s contest videos.
Betty invites Goh to her room. He sits nervously in front of her, but the woman smiles at him kindly, and it helps him to feel less uneasy.
“Do you know why I proposed a talk now?”, Goh shakes his head. “Just one look at your face and I knew that’s something’s troubling you. Is that right?”.
Goh nods his head.
“Would you like to talk about what's troubling you today, or maybe you would like to talk about something else?”
“I, I think I’d like to talk about what happened today. It was a lot to handle and it’s still in my head”.
Betty nods her head as she pulls out a notebook and a pen from her desk to note. She makes an encouraging motion with her hand to let Goh know that he can start talking whenever he’s ready.
A minute doesn’t even pass when Goh takes a deep breath before voicing out.
“I had a…um, an argument with my boyfriend today. Our friends are getting married soon, and when I look at my friend’s engagement ring, I can’t stop thinking about how I would love to be in his shoes already. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over a year now, but I just…I don’t know, just imagining the ring on my finger already makes me so happy. My boyfriend feels otherwise. He says that he doesn’t want it to be rushed and pressured. A few days ago, he referred to me as his partner in front of some of our friends, and it just…I guess, it gave me some false expectations. And today, in the upset, I told him that he never shows me how committed he is to our relationship and he got so upset, and he…he told me that I only think of myself, that I’m selfish”.
Goh doesn’t realize that he’s even crying until Betty hands him a couple of tissues. He wipes the tears from his face with one of them.
“I’m sorry”, Goh says, and Betty shakes her head.
“Do not ever apologize for voicing out how you feel, you should be proud of yourself”, she says, and Goh shyly nods his head.
“Now, I need to ask a few questions, but we can always stop if I overstep your boundaries, okay?”
“Okay”, he whispers as Betty bites the top of her pen.
“So, can you tell me, why do you exactly want to get married? I assume it’s from the pure love for your boyfriend, and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, but I feel there’s also a deeper reason to that. Is that true?”
“It would be a form of a promise that he would never leave me again. I deal with um, abandonment issues and um, we had a falling out two years ago when we were still friends”, Goh nervously admits.
“Abandonment issues are so hard to deal with. But Goh, have you ever considered that you can’t force someone to stay in your life?”, Betty asks, and Goh’s eyes widen in shock.
“People choose to stay with you because they care for you and they love you, but you can’t force someone to stay if they would love to leave instead. I’m not saying it applies to what you’re going through. I’m just telling you how abandonment issues work. I can tell your boyfriend cares about you, and I’m pretty sure what he said in anger doesn’t reflect how he really feels. Both of your feelings are valid, and you both need to just respect it. I’m sure you both will figure it out”, Betty kindly smiles, and Goh processes her words as the woman continues to talk. “I know it’s hard to see someone disappearing from your life and then being afraid of your loved one doing the same one day. You’re scared to relive that, and that’s why you're fixating on marriage with your boyfriend right now because you’re sure it will give you peace. But, is it really true? What’s your boyfriend’s name?”
“Um, Ash”
“Okay, so, marriage means a promise to you, and it would be a sign that he’s not gonna leave you, but having a ring around your finger may be just an addition that you think you need right now. What other signs does Ash give you? Like, how does he show you that he cares about you?”
“Like, he um, whenever I go stargazing, he wakes up in the middle of the night to wrap a blanket around me, or when I go for a catching spree, he carries some additional Poke balls with him. Oh, he even catches Pokemon that I lack in my Pokedex for me. Or when I sleep in, he always makes me breakfast. He supports me with everything, he even gave me that beautiful necklace so I could deal with my panic attacks better”, he traces the necklace as he says it, when the realization hits him that he’s rambling at this point, so he looks up at Betty, but the woman listens to his every word with soft eyes.
“Oh, he really cares about you, he’s such a keeper”, Betty muses, and Goh blushes at her words. “Maybe Ash just has a different point of view of the whole situation. If you want it or not, I think you both should just have an honest talk about it”.
“But what if…”, Goh says quietly, and Betty tilts her head when she realizes what Goh’s implying.
“Oh, do you think Ash will leave you after this argument?”
“Well, um, not gonna lie, the thought has crossed my mind”, Goh admits, looking down on the sleeping Pikachu on his lap. He pets him a few times with slow movements.
“Yeah, that’s a normal reaction”, Betty mutters, noting something in the notebook. “But if you come back today and Ash will still be here, willing to work things out between both of you, then…?
“Oh, that happens after every misunderstanding”, Goh laughs, but Betty raises her brow like she would try to make a point, when the realization washes over him.
Oh.
“You mean that no matter how many misunderstandings we have, Ash will never leave me?”
“A lot of partners are willing to just communicate instead of giving up on their relationship. Your Ash sounds like that kind of person”, Betty smiles, and Goh softly laughs.
“Abandonment issues and overthinking can trick your brain into thinking a lot of things, but never let it stand in between your partner’s honest actions”, Betty says as she closes her notebook. “I think that’s a good note to end the first session on. The sessions are one hour long, so I think that’s enough for you for today so you won’t get overwhelmed. The first session doesn’t cost anything, as I want the client to warm up to me to see if they feel comfortable enough to continue the sessions. I’m not gonna pressure you to come weekly like my other clients do, but if you would ever like to come to talk something through – give Jessie a call, she will set up the appointment”.
“Thank you so much, Betty”, Goh says, but the woman shakes her head.
“No, I thank you for trusting me to have this talk. The first step is always scary, and you should be proud of yourself”, Betty says, and Goh smiles at her warmly before he leaves the room.
The talk definitely helped him feel less anxious, and his mind is clearer, and it’s easier for him to breathe.
He takes a deep breath after exiting the room. Dawn quickly comes by his side, worried, and Jessie asks how he’s feeling with concern in her voice.
“A bit tired”, Goh admits, and Jessie smiles kindly, offering him a glass of cold water to drink.
“That’s understandable, but I’m so proud of you for taking that step. If you’d like to visit some more, just give me a call, kay?”, Jessie winks and Goh chuckles softly.
“You got it”, Goh says, before Jessie pulls him into another tight hug.
🌸
When Dawn and Goh come back to the Laboratory, Chloe is reading a book. She waves hi to Goh before she casts her gaze away when she sees Dawn approaching too. She points a finger in the direction to the couch, to which Goh turns his attention, only to see Ash sprawled out, napping on it with Grookey sleeping on his chest.
Goh’s eyes soften at the sight as he kneels next to it, and he delicately shakes Ash to wake up.
Ash stirs in his sleep as he slowly opens his eyes. He smiles at the sight of Goh, visibly less angry, but the upset is still somewhere within him.
“Oh, you’re back”, Ash grumbles as he rubs the sleep of his eyes. Goh carefully takes the sleeping Grookey into his arms, only to lay him somewhere else on the couch, and Pikachu jumps from Goh’s shoulder next to Ash to greet his trainer.
“Yeah, I’m back”, Goh whispers. “You may want to move to the bed, it can’t be comfortable sleeping here”.
“It‘s okay. I just wanted a quick nap”, Ash says as he sits up, sobering from the last amount of deep sleep he’s been in.
Goh’s not sure if he should sit next to him or go somewhere else. The girls left the room short while ago, so they’re here alone now, and Goh could try to apologize, and they could talk everything through and make up, and maybe–
Goh’s thoughts fly through the window when Ash pulls him onto his lap to connect their lips together. Goh hesitates for a moment – that’s not quite an apology or talking through as Goh expected, but he may as well just kiss Ash back and let everything out into his lips and the kiss.
Goh had to have started crying at some point, because Ash feels salty tears tracing into his lips. He gently pulls away, only to wipe the tears from Goh’s blue eyes.
Ash locks his gaze with Goh’s. He still could see the hurt in his eyes, and Goh can tell the same about Ash’s eyes. The leftover anger is still there, and Goh knows they have to have that talk, whether they want it or not, but none of them braced themselves to say those two words that they both crave to hear yet.
So they sit there in silence – at least it’s not tense anymore, staring at each other as no one says a thing. Ash traces one of his hands on Goh’s cheekbone, and Goh is mere seconds away from kissing Ash breathless again.
But the kiss doesn’t happen, even if Ash feels tempted too. He closes his eyes for a second, only to open them again and stare into the depths of Goh’s eyes endlessly.
But Ash has had enough of staring at Goh, even if it’s his favorite thing to do. He knows they have to figure it all out again, so he exhales a shaky breath before he finally speaks.
“I’m sorry”.
Simple two words, but they still turn Goh into a sobbing mess as he holds onto Ash’s shirt tightly. I’m sorry, too, Ash hears between the sobs, so he gently moves his hand through Goh’s hair to soothe him.
“It’s okay”, Ash whispers, and Goh thinks that it’s not okay how they both acted and treated each other–
“No, we’re not going to be hard on ourselves”, Ash says as firmly as he can at the moment, and Goh weakly nods. He really wants it all to be over.
Goh takes a deep, but shaky breath before he voices out. “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t compare our relationship to Gary’s and Tokio’s. We’re different after all, and–”, a pause for another deep breath. “I’m sorry I said that you’re not committed to our relationship. I– I didn’t mean it. Really. You do so much for me, and I still– You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine. I love you so much. I regret saying that stuff so bad. You didn’t deserve it. I’m so grateful for everything that you’re doing for me”.
Ash wipes another stream of tears falling from Goh’s eyes as he softly smiles. Goh’s vision is blurry, but he sees the smile just fine.
“I love you too”, he hears Ash saying as the first thing. “And…you’re not selfish, your feelings are valid too. Ah, Chloe really yelled at me for saying that. But she said that we both should respect each other’s feelings and understand where we are both coming from. I do get that your feelings come from the broken promises and your issues with people leaving you. Yeah?”
Goh nods, so Ash continues.
“Okay. And I really want to marry you. And I absolutely adored referring to you as my partner. I had a talk with Leon about it back in Lumiose when he explained it all to me. And actually, that was the moment I figured it out, that you’re my partner. So no, it didn’t just slip out back then in front of Lisia. I was just…aware, but also scared of what reaction it would get from you, and I wasn’t mistaken about it. But I didn’t regret calling you that. In fact, I would love to keep doing that, so people can be aware you’re mine”, Ash whispers the last words teasingly straight into Goh’s ear. “But when it comes to marriage, we already talked about it in Alola. I do want to marry you, and I mean it sincerely, but like I said, rushing it won’t do any good for us. Besides I… in all honesty, for me, it feels like we would be already married. Of course, the Laboratory isn’t our place, but it feels like home to me. We live here everyday. We have our Pokemon family here, and we wake up next to each other. We eat breakfast together, we go on our research adventures, and we play with Pokemon. For me, it all feels like home already, something that I want to hold on to. And as long as I have you next to me, I will feel at home everywhere. Chloe was so right, like, the ring wouldn’t change much in our relationship, because we would do the same stuff as we do now. But I know how important that next step is to you, and it’s equally important to me…and all I know is that one day, I want to get on one knee in front of you to ask you if you will spend the rest of our lives with me, but right now? I don’t think it's needed. I don’t think it’s the right time now, but I promise you that moment will come, when I will feel it”.
There’s a few minutes of silence where Goh just blinks at Ash’s stupid smiling face, stupid but beautiful, but it’s all his, and before he realizes, he leans forward to catch Ash’s lips into yet another deep kiss. That deep kiss turns somehow into a less passionate, sweet and soft kind of kiss, but none of them complained about it.
When they pull out, breathing heavily, Goh whispers a soft I love you, to which Ash pecks Goh’s lips quickly for good measure.
“I’m really sorry, I know I was overreacting”, Goh apologizes again, but Ash shakes his head.
“We both said some hurtful stuff, but all that matters right now is that it’s all over. We talked it through, we came to some kind of understanding, and we’re all good, yeah?”.
“Yeah”, Goh breathes out, burying his face into the crook of Ash’s neck, and Ash just hugs Goh tightly to still offer some needed comfort.
They sit like that for a while as Ash traces some comforting circles on Goh’s back, when he feels the boy’s breath slowly deepening and Goh has fallen asleep, still sitting on his lap.
Grookey and Pikachu had fallen asleep at the foot of the couch long ago, and Ash lets them be as he carefully stands so as to not to wake up the sleeping boy in his arms.
He delicately puts Goh on the bed, to which the boy stirs a little in his sleep, but doesn’t wake up. Ash moves the hair from Goh’s forehead in a swift movement as he places a soft kiss there, and he pulls Goh’s body closer to him as he finally lays down himself, so he can take much needed rest as well.
🌸
They woke up not long ago, but neither of them dared to leave the bed to fully admit that it’s time to start the day. They just stare into each other’s eyes, or maybe more like they’re trying, because Goh still lazily blinks every few seconds. He’s still sleepy, but he finally feels the most content since yesterday.
Ash chuckles when some of the hair has fallen into Goh’s eyes, but he quickly moves his hand to brush the hair away, and he places a soft kiss on Goh's forehead.
In all honesty, Ash would rather fall asleep again, and seeing that Goh is still pretty sleepy, there is a high chance of it happening again, so Ash pulls Goh close to his chest. The boy hums appreciatively as he leans closer to Ash. He closes his eyes, only to open them again in the next second because of the knock on the door.
“Come in”, Ash says, loudly enough for someone to hear it. He sits up when he sees Chloe poking through the room’s door.
“You better have a good reason to wake us up that early”, Ash says, raising his brow at Chloe, and the girl laughs.
“Me and Dawn baked the cake for Valentine’s Day”, Chloe says, and Ash’s eyes sparke at the word cake. “Thought you would love to try it out. Wanna hang out?”.
Goh glances at Ash with concern in his eyes, but brushes his thoughts off to focus on the main matter. “You’re not eating a cake on an empty stomach. Breakfast first”.
Chloe laughs, but agrees. “Well, the cake is hot anyway, so I thought we could eat breakfast together first”.
“Sounds good, we’ll join you soon”, Ash smiles, and Chloe closes the door behind her, winking to Ash, to which the boy blushes a little.
When she’s gone, Goh immediately addressed his boyfriend. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I am. Why are you asking?”, Ash asks, confused, and Goh looks at him worriedly.
“Well, I remember you said that you don’t like Valentine’s Day, so I–”.
“Oh, you’re talking about that. I think you and Professor Burnet misunderstood me a little. It’s not like I hate Valentine’s Day, I just don’t get the idea behind it, but ah, maybe it’s because I never had someone to celebrate it properly before”, somewhere in between his explanation, Ash turns to face Goh and gives the boy his most honest smile.
“So, you don’t mind spending it with me?”, Goh makes sure, and Ash chuckles.
“When have I ever been opposed to the idea of spending time with you, baby? We’ll do whatever you want to do after breakfast. We can go anywhere you want. If there’s something you’d like to do, something we don’t do everyday, we can do that”.
Goh gets deep in thought before he smiles to himself and settles on something basic, but for him, it’ll be enough.
“Can we call Tokio and Gary so maybe they would come and hang out with us?”, Goh asks, and Ash looks at him, surprised. It’s not like he’s opposed to the idea, he just thought Goh would choose something more…rare?
“I just love when we do that. It feels like a routine, but for me, it’s–”. He needs routine in his life so his abandonment issues won’t be in control , Goh wants to say, but Ash understands him just fine even without voicing it out.
“That’s not a problem, we can do that”, Ash intertwines their fingers together, and Goh squeezes his hand as a thank you.
They stay here just like that for a moment – in their own bubble, before they’ll be ready to join Dawn and Chloe downstairs for breakfast.
🌸
“I don’t know, Ash, if my partner would show any signs that he’s interested in marriage, I would be on my knee already”, Gary muses as they’re both laying under one of the trees. The tree isn’t blocking the sun enough so Gary squints his eyes when it’s shining too bright, but Ash offers him the cap that he’s wearing.
“Be careful, someone might try to steal him from you. See? You said that Lisia tried to flirt with him”, Gary says, taking the cap from Ash and putting it on his head right away. Ash wants to say that he looks comically, but he bites his tongue. He’d rather focus on the main topic now.
“It was her way of complimenting him”, Ash quips back, and Gary lets out a quiet Yeah, sure.
“Are you trying to steal him from me?”, Ash jokes, and Gary snorts.
“Luckily for you, I’m already taken”.
Ash laughs as he sits up, but he still looks at the blue sky above them.
“I just…I feel in my bones that I’m not ready yet, but Goh sees how you and Tokio are committed to each other and he just, I guess wants to copy it to our relationship”, Ash explains further, and Gary scratches his chin in thought.
“Yeah, when you visited our new place last time, he told me these concerns as well. That’s really complicated when one side wants to take a step further, but the other isn’t ready yet”, Gary muses, and Ash turns to face him.
“Did you really feel it was the right time when you proposed to Tokio?”
“Yeah”, Gary breathes out. “He never saw the proposal coming though. The idea didn’t cross his mind before that I would do it”.
Ash nods his head as he starts to play with the grass on the ground.
“So let me put it this way, try to show Goh that you respect his feelings. Show him the signs that the moment will come somewhere in the future. Do whatever has forever written in your actions, like some future plans for trips or something like that. But propose when you'll be ready and when he won’t see it coming”, Ash blinks a few times at Gary’s words, which is followed by an honest laughter.
“That’s pretty smart”.
“Ah, finally you admit that I’m a genius. Thank you”, Gary jokes, and Ash playfully hits him with his elbow.
Their bickering is interrupted by Goh running in their direction.
“Watch out, your ocean eyes beauty is coming”, Gary quietly snorts, but Goh already sit next to them before Ash has a chance to add his own teasing remark.
“Look, I drew Pikachu!”, Goh exclaims and shows the drawing to both boys. Gary immediately turns his gaze away so he won’t laugh at the drawing.
Ash blinks a few times before he clears his throat. “I mean, it’s much better than the Garchomp you drew years ago on our way to Hoenn”.
Goh pouts as he looks at his drawing again. “It can’t be that bad”.
It’s not like it is bad. In Ash’s honest opinion, it doesn’t look like a Pikachu, and seeing that Gary can’t face the drawing again otherwise he would laugh – Ash is not alone in that opinion.
“Let’s ask our main judge. Buddy?”, Ash yells, and Pikachu stops playing with Cinderace and Grookey to look at the drawing as well.
“Pika!”
“Oh, do you like it?” Goh asks, and Pikachu nods his head.
“Pika pika chu!”
“I knew you would love it”, Goh proudly says as he scoops Pikachu onto his shoulder.
“Do you know you’re my favorite?”, Goh coos, scratching Pikachu under his chin, and the Pokemon laughs at the affection as they walk back to join Tokio and Tracey in their drawing fun again.
Grookey jumps on Ash’s shoulder, sad and maybe a little jealous that his trainer doesn’t show him as much affection as he does to Pikachu today, and Ash laughs.
“Why don’t you join them if you’d like”, Ash softly says, and Grookey immediately runs to jump on Goh’s free shoulder. The boy pets him a few times as a welcome.
“He really is a magnet for Pokemon, isn’t he?”, Gary muses, focusing on Goh, and Ash warmly smiles.
“Yeah, they love him”.
“That reminds me, you haven’t given him the egg yet, have you?”, Gary asks, and Ash shakes his head.
“Not yet, I’ll do that later”, Ash says, and Gary just smiles.
“He’ll love it”.
Ash doesn’t reply to that. He knows so.
🌸
“How do I look?”, Chloe asks, spinning in her new dress.
It was supposed to be her new contest dress, but with how beautiful it looks, Chloe wants to wear it for her date in the evening.
“It looks gorgeous on you”, Ash muses, and Chloe smiles at the compliment.
The dress is beautiful, and it does look gorgeous on Chloe indeed. It’s a little bit long, but Chloe loves the length, and she will adjust it for the contests anyway. It’s white and–
“Looks a little bit like a wedding dress”, Gary says, not taking his tired gaze entirely from the TV. Tokio is laying his head on his lap as Gary moves his hand through his hair. With how gentle Gary moves through his hair, the boy is close to falling asleep.
Goh tenses a little at the word, but tries not to show it. His posture must’ve given it out anyway, because Ash intertwines their hands together right away.
Both Dawn and Chloe blush crimson at Gary’s implications, and Dawn waves her hand as she tries to brush it off by teasing.
“Is that your way of inviting us to your wedding, Gary Oak?”, Dawn teases, and Gary laughs.
“Sure”, Gary winks, before he leans to place a soft kiss atop of Tokio’s head.
They all start to talk about the wedding’s possible date, and Goh can’t pinpoint the moment he stopped listening to the conversation altogether. He heard Gary say ah, maybe next spring and Goh’s breathing has gotten shallow a little, so he absentmindedly searches for even the outline of the necklace on his chest. He tries to be subtle about getting anxious so he won’t alarm Ash about it. But as much as the rest of the gang is oblivious to Goh’s weird behavior, Ash notices every single one of Goh’s movements, so he leans to whisper into his ear.
“Hey, breathe with me”.
So Goh tries as he holds onto the necklace with one of his hands, the other one still intertwined with Ash’s hand, and it helps to ground him. He feels Ash breathing with him, so he takes a few deep breaths as he rides the anxiety out. His mind is still cloudy, but he’s still able to register Ash whispering into his ear again.
“I can picture you wearing a suit similar to this dress at Gary's wedding. Or maybe at our wedding in the future. Yeah, I would like that”.
Goh’s attempts to breathe seem to be unnecessary, now because he stops breathing again because of Ash’s implications.
As he tries to breathe properly again, he whispers back. “Are you trying to calm me down or make me kiss you hard in front of everyone?”
“Hmm, both, actually”, Ash hums, and as much as Goh would like to steal all of Ash’s air from his lungs by kissing him breathlessly, he decides to focus on the conversation he had ignored instead.
The moment he turns his attention on it again, Gary catches his gaze worriedly. Goh just nods his head as he mouths wordlessly I’m fine, and Gary breathes out in relief. Maybe Goh wasn’t so subtle with his anxiety after all.
But no more wedding stuff is discussed in the conversation, as Gary changes the subject, which Goh suspects is for his sake, and Goh feels bad about it. He doesn’t want his friends to walk on eggshells around him. He wishes he could communicate it somehow. Ah, maybe he can do that now, he thinks when Dawn and Chloe say that they should be going because Jessie booked the table at 4 p.m for them.
“Have fun, you two”, Goh softly says, and both girls thank him as they do their final pets to napping Piplup and Sylveon sleeping alongside Grookey and Umbreon somewhere on the floor.
Goh hopes he can communicate his thoughts to Gary now, but when he turns his attention to the boy, he notices that Tokio has already fallen asleep on Gary’s lap, and Gary is on the verge of falling asleep himself.
Goh stands up, chuckling to himself as he takes the blanket and puts it carefully around both boys – more Tokio, given the difficult position they both are in. Gary seems like he would try to fight the urge of falling asleep, but once he feels even the tiny bit of a blanket that Goh has thrown on him – it’s over as he closes his eyes completely.
Goh smiles as he thinks that they can have the conversation later. Maybe he and Ash can take a nap too, Goh thinks, but Ash has different plans as he hugs Goh from behind, whispering straight into his ear. “Come with me, I have something for you”.
Goh is a little surprised when Ash hands him a Pokemon egg wrapped in a pink bow.
“Happy Valentine’s Day”, Ash says, grinning widely, and Goh is in fact speechless.
“Thank you”, he manages to say, choked but honest, and Ash tilts his head.
“You don’t like it?”
“No, no, I do, I’m just surprised. You said you’re not a big fan of Valentine’s Day, and meanwhile, here you are giving me a gift that must’ve taken more time to get, so it seems pretty thought through for someone who doesn’t celebrate it”, Goh teases and Ash blushes a little, but chuckles afterward.
“You know, I’m pretty good at reading signs, and if you think I didn’t see that you wanted to spend Valentine's Day last year with me, you’re mistaken. I’ve already known that I want to get something for you this year, even if I’m not a big fan of the day. I love seeing you happy, and if the day makes you happy, then it makes me even more happy. Something like Christmas is for me, you weren’t fond of the day either, but you still spent it with me because it made me happy. So um, it’s my way of saying that…today was pretty awesome and I hope there are more Valentine’s Days for us to come in the future”, Ash says, looking down shyly, but Goh comes closer to him, cups his face and kisses him deeply.
“Thank you”, Goh says somewhere in between kissing, and Ash chuckled into his lips.
“I can’t wait to find out what Pokemon will hatch from it”, he says as he pulls away from the kiss. If Ash is disappointed that the kiss has ended that quickly, he tries not to show it. Goh notices it anyway as he gives a sweet peck to Ash’s lips for good measure.
“But I have something for you too”, Goh smiles as he gets up to take something from one of the drawers. He came back to the bed, holding a small package in his hands. “So um, at first, I wanted to give it to you without any occasion, since I knew how you feel about today, but I’m glad it still can count as a Valentine's Day gift after all. I knew that the few past days were… hard, but I’m glad I understand more of your point of view now. It um, helps me feel more at ease, and…you’re my home too, Ash. They say home is where the heart is, and mine is wherever you are. Happy Valentine’s Day too. I love you”.
Ash takes the package from Goh’s hands carefully, and he just…stares at it. It’s wrapped beautifully, and Ash feels bad for unwrapping it and messing up the wrapping paper, so for now, he’s just staring at it and admiring the wrapping work.
“I love it”, Ash quietly says, and Goh, who has casted his gaze away somewhat during his speech, looks back at Ash, but tilts his head when he sees that the gift is still unwrapped.
“You haven’t opened it yet”, Goh frowns, and Ash just laughs.
“Yeah, but I already love it. I feel it”, Ash says, tracing the wrapped gift with his fingers. “I feel bad unwrapping it though, it’s so gorgeous”.
Not as gorgeous as the inside, Goh wants to say, but instead, he just giggles.
“Yeah, the shop employee did a great job at wrapping it”.
“Pika!”, Pikachu exclaims, and both boys turn their attention to the Pokemon, only noticing that he’s in the room as well just now.
Goh laughs, taking Pikachu on his lap.
“Yeah, Ash is gonna unwrap it, buddy”, Goh says, then he turns his attention to Ash again. “Pikachu helped me choose it”.
“Oh, then it must be beautiful indeed”, Ash says, petting Pikachu a few times, before he finally – as carefully as he can – unwraps the gift.
His eyes sparkle when he sees what’s inside. It looks like a heart shaped necklace, but no, it’s not a necklace. You can open it, and it has a photo inside of Goh and him – the one that Ash had posted during their anniversary on his social media, and somehow, it all makes Ash so emotional all of a sudden, so he closes the locket. And it’s just now when he notices the graved Forever & Always on it in cursive. He feels so choked right now that he closes his fist around the locket delicately.
“I–”, Ash starts, but nothing else leaves his lips. He doesn’t know what to say. He’s speechless.
But Goh, in all honesty, doesn’t mind it. He decides he should be the one to say something more, so he takes that wheel.
“When Dawn and I went shopping, we visited Jessie and her friend – Betty, she’s a therapist. She encouraged me to talk, to which I agreed. We talked briefly about how I feel about the whole thing, and the talk opened my eyes to some perspective I hadn’t seen before. You’re right that the ring wouldn’t change much in our relationship, because we would do the same stuff we do now when we would be engaged, but thinking of what the future holds is nice, isn’t it? And I love to think about our future together. And I know that the future holds more than just possible engagement and marriage. If that step is somewhere in there, I’m looking forward to it, but for now–”
Goh takes a deep breath before continuing.
“–I’m happy with what we have now. Betty said that maybe I just hold onto the idea of marriage because it would hold my abandonment issues at peace, because I would be sure you’ll never leave again, but it made me realize that…you care about me, so much that there’s already forever written in every single thing you do for me in different ways. Like, I remember not falling asleep in the bed yesterday, but somehow, I was there in the morning which means you carried me there when I was asleep. You always give me your jacket or hoodie when I’m cold. And if you think I haven’t noticed you calling my mom so we can plan to meet for dinner at least once a month– Ash, you’re just– ugh Ash Ketchum, I love you, and maybe you’re right, maybe we are already married in our own way”.
Goh takes another deep breath after his speech when he realizes tears are streaming down his face. He tries to quickly wipe them out, but Ash beats him to it when he uses his free hand to do that himself instead.
He still holds the locket in his fist when he extends his hand to put it alongside Goh’s, then he says quietly. “You know, I already hold the future in the palm of my hand”.
Goh feels a warm feeling spreading down his chest as his cheeks flush in the most delicate shade of pink. He intertwines the hand that Ash is holding the locket in with his own one.
“Of our hands, you mean?”, Goh whispers, and Ash feels the urge to kiss Goh again, but instead, he drops the hold of Goh’s hand – much to the dismay of them both – but hugs Goh to his chest tightly.
And somehow, this hug feels more intimate than any kind of kiss they have shared before.
Pikachu is squished somewhere between them. He doesn’t complain much about it, but whines a few minutes later when it’s hard for the poor Pokemon to properly breathe in between their bodies.
“Sorry, buddy”, Ash apologizes when he pulls away from Goh. He pets him a few times for good measure as he turns his attention to Goh again. “I think I should wear it now”.
Goh takes a hint as he takes the locket from Ash’s hand to carefully put it around his neck instead.
“It’s gorgeous”, Ash muses as he takes a closer look at the locket hanging proudly around his neck now.
“Yeah”, Goh breathes out as he pulls out his own necklace from under his shirt.
“They’re matching a little”, Ash admits, and Goh chuckles.
They are different, but somehow, Goh agrees that they are matching in their own way.
“Thank you for such a beautiful gift, baby”, Ash kisses Goh’s temple, and Goh hums as a reply.
“I love your present too”, Goh turns his attention to the egg laying beside them. “Do you know what will hatch from it?”
Ash laughs. “Yeah, but I want you to find out on your own”.
“Then, I can’t wait for the day it hatches”, Goh smiles, and Ash leans a little in hopes that Goh will connect their lips in a soft – or maybe even – in a kiss that will make both of them weak in the knees. But Goh doesn’t budge, and Ash knows he needs to do something about it.
“Me too”, Ash whispers, keeping their eyes locked. “Can’t wait for our family to get bigger”.
Ash knows the sentence earned a kiss when Goh’s eyes soften, and he puts one hand on Ash’s cheekbone.
Goh doesn’t reply with anything. It’s not like he needs to. Instead, he leans forward and connects their lips together for the anticipated kiss they both have been waiting for.
Pikachu, thankfully, is able to run away before he would be crushed between their bodies again.
When they pull out, Ash wraps his arm around Goh’s waist to pull him closer as he lays them both on the bed.
Goh knows he should go back downstairs to wake up Gary again before the boy will complain that his neck hurts. He also should get Grookey to give him some needed attention. There’s also a feeding Pokemon time soon, and he should get up to do all of it, but–
For now, he feels so content that he closes his eyes and lets the much needed rest overcome him.
🌸
And you understand now
Why they lost their minds and fought the wars
And why I've spent my whole life trying to put it into words
'Cause you can hear it in the silence
You can feel it on the way home
You can see it with the lights out
You are in love, true love, you are in love