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On my own, pretending he’s beside me. All alone, I walk with him ‘til morning. Without him, I feel his arms around me. And when I lose my way I close my eyes, and he has found me.
Theo is laying in the back seat of his truck thinking over the event from earlier today. Liam had, once again, asked Theo to give him a ride to Hayden’s house. And for a second he wished it would be him that Liam would come to see. Even here, in the cold and empty back seat of his truck, he can pretend that Liam is here with him. That Liam is here, his arms wrapped around Theo. Theo sometimes wonders if he should just leave Beacon Hills, but then he sees Liam smile, and he’s reminded of why he has stayed.
In the rain, the pavement shines like silver. All the lights are misty in the river. In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight. And all I see is him and me forever and forever.
Theo parks his truck in the preserve, close to the bridge, and starts making his way over to it. It’s raining, but he couldn't care less at this point in time. The wood of the bridge almost looks like it’s shining in the rain, but Theo knows it’s just one more thing that he’s imagining. As he looks down into the water he can faintly see the headlights from his truck, they aren’t that bright, just sort of misty with the way the rain is making ripples in the water.
Next thing he knows, he is laying in the bed of his truck. He knows it’s going to make his clothes even wetter than they already were, meaning he will have to make a stop at the laundromat tomorrow, another thing he can’t afford right now. But it doesn’t make him get up. He stares up at the stars, they are barely visible because of the trees, but he can see the starlight shining on the trees. He closes his eyes, and for a second he can imagine that Liam is here with him, that they are basking in the starlight together. But then he hears an owl, calling out into the dead of the night, and he is broken from his thoughts. He takes it as a sign to crawl back into his truck and at least try to fall asleep.
And I know it’s only in my mind, that I'm talking to myself, and not to him. And although I know that he is blind, still I way, there’s a way for us.
Theo is sitting at a table in the back of some diner, drinking coffee, because that’s all he can afford at the moment, even with his new job at one of the bookstores in town. He looks up when he hears a small sound coming from the bell connected to the door, it ring anytime someone leaves or enters so yes he is curious, and that’s when he sees Liam walk in, Hayden trailing behind him. They are both laughing about some joke that Theo couldn’t hear, and probably even understand. And Theo knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help but imagine that he is in Hayden’s place. That he is talking to Liam, and not to himself like he always does. The sad part is that Liam doesn’t even see him. They grab their food and leave, not a single acknowledgement that they even knew that Theo was there. But still, Theo can’t help but hope that he can be in Hayden’s place.
I love him, but when the night is over, he is gone, the river’s just a river. Without him, the world around me changes. The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.
Theo is driving his truck, on his way to Liam’s house with the blue eyed boy in the passenger seat. Liam texted him to ask if Theo could take him home from school. And, of course, Theo said yes. He was helpless against Liam, willing to do anything for the boy. As he watches Liam exit the truck, his heart breaks. He is quick to speed off, something about this time feels different and he doesn’t want to look pathetic in front of Liam.
He is parked in the preserve, staring off into the distance at nothing. He grips the steering wheel tightly and lowers his head, his chin meeting his chest. He is trying his best to not cry, but he knows it’s fruitless when he feels a tear fall down his cheek. He feels so stupid as he sits here crying like an idiot. He loves Liam with all of his being, but at the end of the day, when the night comes to an end and the new day starts to dawn, he knows that Liam is gone.
He is walking aimlessly around the town. He passes couples walking together, and for a second he can imagine that Liam is there with him. But no matter how hard he tries, he knows that the other boy isn’t, because whenever he is in Liam’s presence it is if everything is lighter. But here, walking alone, he feels the changes, wrapped in a somber feeling. The trees look so bare, and he doesn’t see the happy couples anymore, all he sees are the faces of strangers.
I love him, but everyday I’m learning. All my life, I’ve only been pretending. Without me, his world will go on turning, a world that’s full of happiness that I have never known.
Theo is parked on the side of the road. He sees the ‘now leaving Beacon Hills’ sign in his headlights. He has been here before, but he was a coward, and deep down he knows he still is. But he knows that this is the right decision. He loves Liam, he really does, but everyday he is learning how truly alone he is. He can try and pretend to be happy here, he has spent his whole life pretending. But he knows that there is nothing for him here. And he knows no one will care, because even if Theo’s world stops when he is not with Liam, he knows that Liam’s will continue to go on turning without Theo. Liam is able to have a world of happiness, and Theo envies him for it, he has never known any sort of happiness in his life.
I love him. I love him. I love him, but only on my own.
Theo turns his key in his ignition and hears his engine rumble, signaling it coming to life. He puts it in drive and takes a deep breath as he pulls off the side of the road. As he crosses over the city line he feels as if a weight has been lifted off of him. He sheds a tear, but he knows this is for the best. So, he keeps on driving, with no real destination in mind.