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He said, There’s nothing like your smile, sort of subtle and perfect and real. He said, you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel
Derek loved Stiles’ and Lydia’s smiles. The way they were always so subtle and seemingly perfect. And he’s talking about their real smiles, not the ones that are always too bright, the kind of ones that you barely notice are there. Whenever either of them throws one of these smiles Derek’s way his heart sings and his stomach fills with butterflies and it makes him feel like he’s on cloud nine. And they never knew how it made Derek feel, and he wanted more than anything to tell them, but he just pines from afar for now. And he would never tell them because they were already in a relationship and there was no way they wanted Derek to be a part of it.
And he knew, whenever you get bored, you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans. And he noticed, that you still fill out the quizzes that they put in those teen magazines.
Although he thought no one noticed, Derek did in fact notice that whenever Stiles would get bored he would scribble stars on the cuffs of his jeans. Derek admired how Stiles always liked to keep himself busy, he knew Stiles didn’t do well with sitting still. It annoyed Derek when he first met Stiles, he didn’t understand why he was always doing something and up all the time. But it soon turned into something Derek loved about him. And Lydia also didn’t know that Derek knew that she still filled out the quizzes in those teen magazines. He loved how Lydia learned not to be ashamed of being smart like she used to be. She has come a long way from the dumb pretty girl act that she used to put in. And Lydia still enjoys doing something as small as filling out those silly quizzes played at Derek’s heart. Lydia tries to be serious a lot of the time so seeing her doing something like that was refreshing.
But he kept it all inside his head, what he saw he left unsaid. And though he wanted to, he couldn’t talk to you. He couldn’t find the way, but he would always say
But, Derek kept all these thoughts inside his own head. He didn’t dare say a word about the small things he saw, he left them unsaid. He wanted to, he wanted to talk to them, but he was never one for feelings and could never quite find the right way to tell them.
If I could tell her, tell her everything I see. If I could tell her, how she’s everything to me. But we’re a million worlds apart, and I don’t know how I would even start. If I could tell her. If I could tell her.
If only Derek could tell them how he saw all the little things they did. If only Derek could tell them how they were both everything to him. But he always felt like they were a million worlds apart from him. He doesn’t even know how he would start, he felt like no matter what he said he would mess it all up. So, he just sits and wonders what it would be like if he could tell them.
He thought it looked pretty cool when you put indigo streaks in your hair. And he wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world, isn’t there.
Derek loved the way Lydia’s red hair would shine in the sun. She would sometimes complain about having red hair but Derek loved the way it looked. He loved how it was the perfect color in the sun and how Lydia always seemed to know what just to wear to bring out the lighter highlights in her hair. Derek loved the way Stiles would dance. As silly as he looked, Derek loved it because Stiles danced like the rest of the world wasn’t there. He danced like he didn’t care what other people would think about him. And Derek admired him for that.
But he kept it all inside his head, what he saw he left unsaid
But alas, Derek never said anything. He kept quiet and kept it all inside his head. But it was starting to eat away at him and he didn’t know if he could take it anymore. He was confronted with this when Stiles and Lydia both came over to ask him why he was acting weird lately.
If I could tell her, tell her everything I see. If I could tell her, how she’s everything to me. But we’re a million worlds apart, and I don’t know how I would even start. If I could tell her. If I could tell her.
“Why are you acting so weird lately, Derek?” Stiles asked after he stormed into Derek’s apartment with Lydia following behind him.
“What do you mean? I haven’t been acting weird?” Derek tried to defend himself, but they all knew that it was a lie.
“Cut the bullshit, Derek. Why are you hiding something from us? You know you can just tell us,” Stiles said this with a hurt look on his face that made Derek want to rip his own heart out for making me feel like that.
“I can’t tell you because it’s not that easy. I don’t want to ruin everything,” Derek looked down, he didn’t want to see what were no doubt looks of confusion on both of their faces.
“You aren’t going to ruin anything, Derek. We promise we won’t feel any different, just please tell us what's going on,” Lydia finally spoke.
“I can’t! I don’t know how I even could. I don’t know how to tell you every small thing that I see and notice that you do! I don’t know how to tell you how you are absolutely everything to me! Because it feels like we are a million worlds apart and I don’t know how I would even start!” Derek’s head is still lowered as he says it all, and he says it all so fast that Stiles and Lydia barely understand what he’s saying. But they understand it nonetheless.
But what do you do when there’s this great divide? He just seemed so far away. And what do you do when the distance is too wide? It’s like I don’t know anything.
Derek doesn’t know what comes over him, but he keeps going, he keeps talking because that’s all he can do in this situation.
“It just feels like there is this great divide, and you just seem so far away. It feels like the distance is too wide and I don’t know how to get closer, it’s like I don’t know anything!”
And how do you say, I love you? I love you. I love you. I love you!
After Derek finally finished a silence falls over the whole room. And it stays silent for a few minutes before Stiles starts talking.
“Derek, are you trying to say you have feelings for Lydia?” Stiles never thought it was a question he would ask, but he has to know the truth.
The only response Derek gives is a shake of his head, so then Lydia decides to step up.
“Derek, are you trying to say that you have feelings for Stiles?” Lydia knows that he is talking about one of them, as much as she hoped it would be the both of them.
Derek once again shakes his head no.
“Then what are you trying to say, Derek?” Stiles is getting more and more confused by the second and all he wants is a straight answer.
“Derek, are you trying to say you have feelings for the both of us?” Lydia doesn’t know what makes her ask the question, but it seems like the only option left.
Finally, Derek nods his head yes before he quietly says, “I love the both of you. And I don’t know how to tell you both.”
“We love you,” the words rush out of Stiles’ mouth so fast that Derek’s head whips up to look him in the eye.
“Lydia and I both have feelings for you,” and for a moment Derek thinks he’s dreaming. He might have had to ask the both of them to say it a few times before it actually set in. And it’s the best feeling in the world.
But we’re a million worlds apart, and I don’t know how I would even start. If I could tell her, if I could.