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Tommy never knew why Evan always checked the weather alerts when he would suggest they go to the beach. It was always fun when they went, but soon he would notice that Evan would gaze out at the ocean a little longer than usual before they went back to enjoying themselves.
It wasn’t often that they went out to the beach, but he did remember overhearing Evan tell Hen one day that he had loved the ocean when he first moved out here. Tommy had perked up at the use of past tense and Hen simply rubbed his arm before the topic changed.
He wondered why Evan still went to the beach with him after that, but he didn’t know if it was his place to bring it up. This was especially since they were still in that fragile state of getting back together. Was there something water related that bothered Evan?
Tommy ended up getting his answer from Christopher, and no it was not because he questioned the kid. While watching him when Eddie was out doing errands, Christopher had mentioned going to the beach with his dad that weekend and Tommy asked if they went often.
“Not as much since the Tsunami, but we go there so I can feel brave.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I was there.”
Tommy was amazed to hear this. “Really? You were at the beach when it hit?”
“Yeah. Me and Buck.”
Tommy instantly had a feeling he understood where Evan was coming from in his hesitancy towards going to the beach, especially if it was a windy day. He remembered working that day and flying over the Santa Monica Pier. Had Evan been down there and he didn’t even know it?
He decided it wasn’t his place to question Christopher about something that had to be really traumatic. But Tommy now wondered if him wanting to go on beach dates was actually bothering Evan. He didn’t want to do something that caused his boyfriend to feel forced into doing for his sake.
When Eddie returned, Tommy waited until Christopher left the room to ask him. “Hey, uh, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” Eddie unpacked some meat he bought for dinner and set it on the counter.
“Has Evan ever said anything to you about when we go out on beach dates?”
“Anything about what?”
Tommy shrugged, “I just notice he always seems hypervigilant when we’re there and then today, Christopher actually mentioned the tsunami.”
Eddie’s eyes widened slightly and he nodded. “Ah, yeah, I think I know what you mean.” He muttered something to the effect of, “Damn it, Buck, you know it wasn’t your fault.”
“Sorry, if I brought something up I shouldn’t, I just…I don’t want to keep taking Evan there if he doesn’t want to be there.”
Eddie shook his head, “No, Buck moved on from the tsunami a long time ago. Or I thought he did,” he scrunched his eyebrows. “But from what he’s told me, he just still feels the need to keep track of the ocean currents so that if something could happen, he won’t be there with anyone he loves.”
Tommy nodded. “Okay. Why exactly?”
“Because he blamed himself for losing Christopher that day, which he didn’t. He saved him. He just still doesn’t quite believe it. But if he didn’t want to go, he wouldn’t go. He’s never said anything about being uncomfortable on any of your dates, I promise.”
Tommy felt slightly better, but he wondered how he could make Evan feel better and enjoy themselves, and not like he had to keep an eye on the ocean at the same time.
He was at his house a couple of days later when he heard a knock on the door. Opening it up, he saw Evan in his swim shorts and tank top with an open shirt over it.
“Hey baby.” He pressed a kiss to Tommy’s lips before looking at his clothes. “You’re not dressed. I thought you said something about going to the beach this weekend?”
“I did. I’m sorry, I meant to text and ask if you wanted to change our plans.” He got so busy with a project on his car the night before and had just woken up when Evan arrived.
Evan raised an eyebrow, “Okay. It’s a nice day though, the ocean should be calm, so we can go.”
Tommy sighed softly and took his hands, “Evan, are you okay going to the ocean with me?”
Something briefly flashed in his eyes but his boyfriend smiled, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“I was watching Christopher the other day and he mentioned what happened with the tsunami.”
Evan shook his head, “No, hey, that was years ago, I’m fine. I love going to the beach, I promise.”
“Evan,” Tommy said, using the gentle but firm tone that meant he knew his boyfriend was evading the real answer.
“No, I do, I just…I still feel like I can’t trust it. Like I need to know exactly what I am in for. I went to that pier without knowing anything and I lost my best friend’s kid because of it.”
“Hey. According to Eddie, you saved him. You did nothing wrong.”
Evan took a deep breath, “I just want to know that at the end of the day, if I am there, then it will be safe. It has to be because I don’t want to ever be the reason you or someone else I love is lost again.”
Tommy felt his heart break and he wrapped Evan in a hug. “I know I can’t take that pain from you, but I can assure you no matter what, I would never ever blame you for a natural disaster, okay? And trust me when I say, I want to always keep you safe too.”
He kissed him softly before stroking a lone curl that was falling over Evan’s birkmark. “If you need a break from the beach, we can do that. Or we can go and just enjoy ourselves. Have you ever been back there before we started dating?”
“Um, once on a call…literally before I got struck by lightning, actually. Eddie offered for me to go with him and Christopher when it reopened, but I couldn’t do it. So other than work and before we got together, I hadn’t been there.”
“What if we invited them with us? I think they were planning on going out this weekend, too. Maybe if we’re all together, you’ll have fun.”
Evan smiled and nodded, “Sure, if Eddie’s fine with it.”
“Good, because we already talked about it and he said whenever you’re ready that we can join him. I just didn’t want to push it.”
Evan shook his head, “My boyfriend and best friend ganging up on me.”
“Someone’s gotta remind you it’s okay to have fun once in a while.” Tommy said as he pulled out his phone to send a text to Eddie. “Now I just gotta get dressed then we can go, if you still are up to it after this?”
“You know what, yeah, I do. I could use a day of looking at your chest to get over this dose of therapy.”
Tommy winked, “Knew you just liked me for my body.”
Once they got to the beach and saw Eddie and Christopher, Tommy saw Evan take a breath and glance at the ocean. Eddie was close enough to see them and shook his head.
“Nope, not today Buck. Get down here and have some fun!”
They got down there and Christopher looked at Evan, “I’m too old for sandcastles but we can still walk down the beach. It’s okay to be brave, Buck.”
Evan looked at Eddie and sighed, “If a teenager is telling me to be brave, I guess I gotta listen huh?”
Eddie smirked and reached out to share a fist bump with Tommy. “Go have fun you two. And I am keeping your phone so you can’t look for any notifications.”
Tommy held up his hands in surrender when Evan looked at him. “Nope. I’m not part of this. Eddie agreed to be the bad guy so I still get kisses later.”
Christopher scrunched up his face. “Adults are weird.”
“Agreed.” Evan said, turning as Eddie teased him about being a big kid.
Tommy could see a slight difference in how Evan was responding to being at the beach today. He was nervous that he made things awkward, but there was something special about getting to see his boyfriend actually focus on enjoying himself and not keeping a lookout of his surroundings.
“Thanks for this, Eddie.”
“No, thank you. I think they both needed this. Even if they refused to admit it to us. You did good,” he said to reassure Tommy.
Tommy smiled. He felt like today would be a good day.