Work Text:
Atsushi stared out the window.
He sat on the train, watching everything pass by.
It only took an hour and ten minutes by train to go from Yokohama to Shinjuku.
Shinjuku city used to be Yotsuya Ward.
Atsushi looked down, tracing the diary that his mother had left behind. He wondered what had gone wrong in his parents' world. Why they had turned to less savory means. Why such a simple fight with her in-laws had made them turn a cult for sustenance and living. Why they had tried to escape and make a new life with him.
He wondered why his grandparents had never looked in nearby orphanages.
He wondered if they ever searched for him. Truly searched for him, or had they just focused on the there and then and on keeping Fuzan-san’s mind from breaking completely that day.
Atsushi wondered what his parents scents were. If they had been anything similar to his, the orchid and petrichor, or if their scents had been different. If Atsushi sought out their scents unknowingly, or if he had simply. . . . Never known them. If he had forgotten them and he never had a partiality to their scents.
He tugged the mini blanket around his shoulders more, eyes closing to delay the tears.
—
“Ranpo-san?” Atsushi blinked as the Omega barged into his, Kyouka-chan’s, and Dazai-san's shared apartment. He was still recovering from the absolute shellshock of the day that had happened yesterday.
Right now, Atsushi was just curled up in the shared nest, trying to keep his emotions at bay. The tears however would always come and go like the sea tides. Gone one moment and back again with a thunderous crack. He just wanted to get past everything and then move forward, but he also wanted to wallow for forever.
His parents were dead. Not out there like he was thinking they were. That they hadn't just abandoned him.
They were dead.
Ranpo-san studied him, before holding something out. He had to shake it once or twice to get Atsushi's attention, but once he got it, Atsushi pushed himself up and scooted to the edge of the nest.
“Here. Take it with you.” Ranpo-san said as Atsushi's hand closed around the package.
“Ranpo-san, I haven't decided whether. . .” Atsushi trailed off, before shaking his head. Of course Ranpo-san would know. He would always know.
“Be safe.” And then Ranpo-san left the apartment.
Atsushi stared down at the package, before opening it, peeling away the tape and paper before he got to the squishy gift.
A light purple, mini-blanket with swirls of white and silver and black. It felt thick and warm, but also soft. Perfect. It felt perfect.
Atsushi hugged it to himself.
—
He sighed softly, holding the blanket tight around his shoulders. Atsushi felt the tears starting to try and leak around his eyelids again, but he shook his head.
No. Not today. He was supposed to be busy today, he needed to keep himself together for this. He should keep himself busy, he should be careful to keep himself busy until he could get to a place and break down.
He has an exact place to break down too. An exact destination in mind. He would break down there and just emotionally die.
But for now, he needed to relax. He needed to distract himself. He needed to breathe and relax and– and do something without thinking about what was coming.
Atsushi should focus on something else, anything else. Something should distract his mind, there had to be something he could do to distract himself from the swelling emotions that threatened his sanity.
He dug around in his bag that he had brought with him, searching for something that he had brought with him that he could distract himself with at the moment. There had to be something in this bag, something that he could use to fall into the world of make-believe for just a little bit. Just for an hour and a half.
His hands brushed against something with hard corners, and he pulled it out.
A white book with glossy, reflective red kanji.
He stared at it. The book almost stared back at him.
“River Mist and Other Short Stories” was the title, and normally Atsushi wouldn't buy a book with such a title. He preferred long stories, stories he could sink his brain into. However, maybe a book like this, one full of short stories would be good for him right now. He could drift off during them and not care.
Of course, it was the author that made Atsushi even consider why he was going to read the book in the first place.
Ametrine eyes flicked down to the red kanji under the title, a finger coming up to trace them.
“By Kunikida Doppo.”
Kunikida-san had actually gone out and published a book of short stories for Atsushi, so he would have something to read while on the train to Shinjuku. The man had never shown an inkling of a leaning to writing, but he must have been rather worried for Atsushi in order for him to write these. He would have had to carve time out of his schedule to write so many, Atsushi could feel the heft of the book, the weight of the pages.
Atsushi brought the book to his nose, inhaling lightly.
Paper. Of course there was the smell of paper, it was a book after all. But there was also the scent of lavender, the two scents coming off the book where one would hold it as they walked, fingers curled around the spine with their wrist pressed against the back of the book.
—
A book was placed perfectly atop his desk when he went into work the next morning. By the lack of dust on it, it hadn't been there long, maybe ten minutes
Then again, his desk didn't have dust at all. Which was odd, because Atsushi hadn't come into work for at least three days at this point. So someone had cleaned his desk up, even though that was his job. It was an unspoken rule that everyone cleaned up their own workplace.
Atsushi picked up the book, studying it. Before turning to Kunikida-san, who was steadfastly doing his work and ignoring Atsushi.
That's what it looked like he was doing, but Atsushi's keen eyes could catch the Alpha's eyes flicking to him over the corner of his glasses and he could smell the paper and lavender becoming slightly sharper with anxiety. And the slightest tinge of red starting to creep its way up Kunikida-san’s neck and to his face.
“Thank you, Kunikida-san.”
“Don't mention it.” The man said in a slightly gruff tone. “You'll need something to keep your mind busy, it's the least I can do for you.”
Atsushi felt a small, sad smile starting to work its way across his face as he traced the spine of the book and clutched it to his chest. It felt nice, to know that his pack was trying to protect him and care for him in their own, little ways.
If only he could have known how his parents would have done the same.
But . . . . .
—
Atsushi sighed softly as he read a few pages of the book, a slight smile as he studied it.
Kunikida-san had a way with words, and his words showed his love for dramatics, not that he would ever confirm it, and his love for his people, no matter how harsh it came off at times.
His writing was a lovely piece of work. Atsushi hoped that Kunikida-san had published it more than just for him. Kunikida-san deserved to be a writer, deserved to be more well-known than just being a detective at the Armed Detective Agency. Of course he was going to be the next President, of course he was going to be known by that.
But Atsushi also wanted his pack to be known as more than just the enforcers of justice. He sometimes wanted people to see them like he did, but then he would have to share. Atsushi didn't really like sharing, his pack was his. No one else deserved to see them like he saw them.
Atsushi buried his nose into his scarf.
He closed his eyes, focusing on the scent that emanated from the scarf.
Ginger and pure honey met his nose, and Atsushi relaxed against the seat. His clenching hands slowly unlocked, and he exhaled deeply, taking another deep breath of Fukuzawa-san’s scent.
—
“Atsushi.”
Atsushi looked up from his computer, eyes meeting the President's. “Yes sir?”
"Meet me in my office for lunch.”
“Yes sir.” Atsushi nodded, and got back to work while the Lead Pack Omega, and his boss, walked along to greet others in the office.
It would be about an hour until lunch, and that meant that Atsushi could worry until then. Who knew what the man wanted from him? Was his request for time-off put in wrong and the President couldn't approve it? Had Dazai-san gone missing and couldn't be found? Had the Port Mafia found out about Atsushi's plan and was rioting?
Upon entering the President's office, the man beckoned Atsushi close to his desk, something yellow in his grip.
Curious, the Gamma padded forward, and startled when the man moved quicker than he thought was capable, especially to Atsushi's eyes. It seemed the ex-assassin’s speed had not decreased in any such way, although his thirst for blood had.
“There we go. It's cold in Shinjuku this time of month. You need to keep your neck covered or you'll catch a cold.” Fukuzawa-san nodded, stepping back.
Atsushi looked down, the yellow object having turned out to be a scarf with a red circle pattern on it.
It was warm.
It smelled like home.
He held the scarf close and looked up at the President, who studied him, before reaching forward and adjusting the scarf more. It didn't need fixing. Atsushi didn't wear scarves, but he knew that it was snug and it was warm and would keep his neck covered. The scarf didn't need fixing.
But he let Fukuzawa-san fuss in his quiet way.
“Are you quite certain that you want to go on this particular route?” Fukuzawa-san asked, folding the fabric of the scarf around Atsushi's scent glands, and then folded it back over the glands again.
“You don't have to. We can find a different route.”
It almost sounded to Atsushi's ears that the President was begging him not to go.
“I have to. For my sake.” Atsushi said. He had made up his mind, and he would see everything through. He needed to. He had to, just for his peace of mind, and nothing he could do on Yokohama would calm it down.
“I understand.” Fukuzawa-san said solemnly.
His hands didn't stop messing with the scarf for a while though, nearly the entire lunch hour.
—
Atsushi sat in a meditative trance for a little bit, just staying there while he thought about all the people that he's connected to along the way and if they loved him as much as he loves them.
The ginger and pure honey scent abated that worry for a little bit, because he knew that he wouldn't be smelling it if the man, the President, the Lead Pack Omega, hadn't cared for him in his own way. The President had also allowed him to go today, he allowed him to leave to Shinjuku.
Atsushi shouldn't take that for granted. With all of the enemies that were trying to attack recently, Atsushi taking leave to deal with this meant that he was taking firepower away. And yet the President had let him leave.
Atsushi needed to make this self-imposed mission worth it. He needed to make it worth the effort, even though it was only an hour and a half of travel. It honestly seemed like time was traveling at a crawl, and Atsushi needed to distract himself again. But he couldn't read anymore. His mind wasn't up for it.
He pulled out his phone. Dazai-san had downloaded some games onto it a while back, he could play some mindless game and drain his battery until the hour was up–
Clink clink
Atsushi's eyes were drawn to the tiger charm that dangled on the side of his phone now.
—
A hand was held out in his peripheral. Kyouka-chan’s yellow and red wrist protectors told him just who it was that was holding the hand out, but Atsushi didn't know what on earth she was asking for.
He turned and held her hand.
Kyouka-chan blinked, before a slight smile broke her melancholy expression. Atsushi hated the expression. It reminded him too much of a year ago, when she repressed her emotions so much that she nearly lost them all until they met on that train.
“No, I need your phone Atsushi-kun.” Her voice was holding back laughter, slight as it was, and Atsushi would take that as a win. She had been so sad when she had heard he was leaving to Shinjuku, and had been sulking, not that she would ever admit it.
Atsushi raised his eyebrow and retracted his hand, and plopped his phone in her still outstretched hand.
She started fiddling with it, not doing anything special with it as Atsushi went back to work.
“You're not going to ask?” She asked softly.
“You'll tell me when you're ready. You always do.” Atsushi shrugged. Did he wish that sometimes he could read Kyouka-chan’s mind? Yes. She was so secretive, and reading her mind would be beneficial. But she would tell him when she was ready, and not a moment more. So he would wait until that moment.
The smell of strawberries and the woods, which had been rotting, now was sweeter when Kyouka-chan learned that Atsushi trusted her. She turned her back to him, fiddling with his phone still.
It was about five minutes before she spoke.
“Okay, done.”
Atsushi turned to her, eyes wide as he spotted something on his phone that wasn't there before.
A tiger phone charm on the phone.
Atsushi blinked at it, confused.
“Kyouka-chan?”
“Now we match.” The girl said decisively. “It also has a tracker in it. So you can just break it and I'll know you're in danger and send someone to get you.”
Atsushi sighed, but took his phone back with a smile and pat her head. “Thank you, Kyouka-chan.”
“You're not going to fight it?” She asked, scooching closer to him as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.
“You'll just slip one on me in a different place. At least I know about this one.” Atsushi shrugged.
Kyouka-chan giggled. Just ever so lightly.
A win was a win, and no one was going to deny Atsushi his win here. He reached out and pat his little sister's hair, and she sighed happily, pressing into his shoulder as he worked on papers.
It was silent, but not heavy.
—
Atsushi messed with the little tiger charm, running a thumb over the little features and closing his eyes. It didn't hold any of Kyouka-chan’s scent, it was too small and plastic to keep it, but he could imagine his sister's scent here.
He wished he could have brought his pack with him for this endeavor. But he couldn't. This was something that he had to do on his own. No amount of pleading could have worked on him, or ordering from Alphas, not that that would have worked anyways. Not even the mellowness from Yosano-sensei would have been able to keep him in one place.
Not that she had even tried. She hadn't even asked where he was going. She had merely stroked his hair when she passed him by, cherry wood and soil scent lingering.
(Had everyone known the second he found out what he was going to do?)
No, Yosano-sensei had merely taken him shopping again, buying him all his travel essentials and refusing to let him say no.
And she forced something into his hands and forced him into the changing rooms.
—
Atsushi shook his head as he changed, an amused smile working its way across his face as he shifted and shimmied to get the article of clothing on for Yosano-sensei.
He opened the door and raised an eyebrow at her, hands placed on hips. Though the smile stayed, and there was one on Yosano-sensei’s face as well as she motioned with a finger for Atsushi to twirl for him.
He did as she asked, a sigh escaping his lips as the skirt moved with him.
“It's a good skirt. Long and covers you, especially since it's winter now.” Yosano-sensei nodded. “Brown is a lovely color on you, and with the pops of blue in the plaid, it makes it a good one.”
“No way I can talk you out of buying it for me?” Atsushi asked half-heartedly. He actually did really like this skirt. It was a nice material and wasn't too heavy, and he could wear tights under it if he got cold.
“Absolutely none. Change back to your pants and let's go Atsushi-kun.” Yosano-sensei grinned at him. “You need a good skirt, first impressions are important.”
“Thank you, Yosano-sensei.” He whispered, staring at the ground. He didn't think he could say everything he was grateful for, he really didn't. There was too much to really articulate, too many emotions that were mixed in and would make him cry.
A gloved hand ruffled his hair.
“What else is pack for you silly tiger?” She asked softly, before gathering him up gently in a hug.
Atsushi hid his face in her shoulder, allowing himself to cry for just a few seconds.
If only he didn't have to do this.
But he did.
For his sake.
—
Everyone seemed to be getting Atsushi something for a short little trip.
He shook his head. Well, almost everyone.
Atsushi worried the skirt’s fabric between his fingers.
Dazai-san had been missing for a few days. Missing and no one could get ahold of the Omega, not even Atsushi or Kyouka-chan.
Atsushi pretended it didn't hurt.
Pretended being abandoned again didn't hurt.
He was lying to himself.
Atsushi shook his head. He needed to clear the negative thoughts out thoroughly. He what to focus on the ahead, not on what was going to happen when he went home.
He had done his due diligence in trying to get into contact with Dazai-san. The Omega hadn't picked up. That wasn't Atsushi's fault. Atsushi had tried. He had. Dazai-san just hadn't responded.
The peach blossom and cypress scent was slowly fading from all his clothes, from the shared nest. Kyouka-chan clung to it, and all he could do was hold her while hiding his own tears.
Atsushi dove back into his bag, trying to find something to distract himself with. It was a little maddening, to have to constantly corral his thoughts like this. He needs something though, something to occupy his thoughts and–
His fingers brushed against soft but warm fabric and Atsushi pulled out the gloves.
They were pretty gloves. Soft and warm wool that had been crocheted with love, a few messy stitches but the love was in those white and purple threads. Atsushi smiled as he stared down at them.
—
“Here!”
Gloves thrust into Atsushi's face as he came back from lunch, and Atsushi nearly fell over from the force of the person giving them to him.
“Huh? Wha?” Atsushi stumbled, caught his footing, and stared at Kenji-kun, who was grinning up at him with the force of the sun on a summer's day.
“It's getting colder! You always wear those fingerless gloves, and while they're nice, they don't have any actual ability to keep your fingers warm while you're away! So I made you some gloves.”
Atsushi accepted them, inhaling the sunflower and cinnamon scent that clung to the fibers.
“You can crochet?”
“Yep! Well now I can. The President had to guide me, but I did the gloves all by myself! I had to use this tool for the fingertips, and the President had to tell me not to use green to make flowers and plants because that's more advanced, but I figured you would like the purple and white!” Kenji-kun kept smiling.
Atsushi felt his heart melting and he wrapped the boy in a hug, a soft sigh escaping him as he gripped the Delta’s shoulders tightly.
“Hey, no need to be sorry.” Kenji-kun soothed, rocking them back and forth lightly. “You'll be back. Nothing could tear you away from Kyouka-chan and Dazai-san. Or the rest of us. And if you don't come back, Ranpo-san will find you. So you'll come back.”
How did the Armed Detective Agency manage to get such a strong kid? Such a kind kid? Such a wonderful kid? Atsushi would never know, but he was so grateful. He adored Kenji-kun, loved him truly.
“Just– come back safe.” Kenji-kun gripped him tight, not tight enough to hurt, but tight. “Please? Promise to come back safe?”
Atsushi nodded into the sunshine colored hair.
“I promise.”
—
Atsushi pulled the gloves on, sighing happily as he flexed his hands. They didn't fit exactly, they were a little frayed on the ends, and the fingertips were messy.
But they were perfect. They were absolutely perfect, because they smelled of sunflower and cinnamon with just a hint of ginger and pure honey lingering around them.
He must look like a fool. His scarf didn't match his skirt, and neither his scarf nor his skirt matched his gloves.
But he couldn't care. They were his, gifts given to him by his pack and they have given them to him because they wanted him sheltered from the cold.
Well. Fukuzawa-san might have had ulterior motives for the scarf, what with it hiding Atsushi's neck so much. But that's beside the point.
Kami that's not even mentioning his coat. His coat was the darkest thing in his body, it practically enveloped him like a cape and was warmer than the blankets that Atsushi had before he had been forced to go nest shopping. But the coat was so nice and lovely and it smelled like figs and freshly cut almonds and it was perfect.
—
Akutagawa ambushed him as he was walking home alone. Which was nice and thoughtful of the Prime Alpha, because while he had apologized to Kyouka-chan, and Kyouka-chan had accepted that apology, they weren't exactly on speaking terms. Too much baggage between the two of them, too many emotions for a sit-down talk that would end well.
“You're leaving.”
The figs smelled sour. Like they were cut and well past their due date and definitely shouldn't have been bought and cut open. Definitely bad figs.
“Only Yokohama. Only for a little bit.” Atsushi tried to placate him slightly. He wasn't going to fawn over the man, try to get him to calm down. He was a grown-ass man, he could control his emotions. He had shown that he could when he allowed himself to grow beyond needing Dazai-san’s approval and allowed himself to change and grow so Atsushi would consider him as a prospective mate.
The overripe fig scent grew, before bursting almost like a bubble. Akutagawa clenched his hands into fists and paced back and forth.
But he wasn't lashing out.
Which meant that he was still the same Prime Alpha that Atsushi had started to like.
“When?”
Atsushi felt guilty.
“Tomorrow.”
“You planned it so I couldn't come with you.” Akutagawa huffed, crossing his arms and bared his fangs. Atsushi bared his own fangs right back.
“You would've made everything worse with your doting! For one of the most feared mafioso in all of Port Mafia history, you sure do like to hover around me as if I'm a delicate flower!”
“Your emotions would be!” Akutagawa snapped back. “I'm your courting Alpha. I'm supposed to protect you. How am I supposed to do that when you don't let me!?”
Atsushi felt a bubble of anger in his chest.
“I am not some damsel in distress! I can take care of myself! You of all people should know I can do that. We've fought more times than I can count and I've beaten you nearly every time! My emotions–”
“You can't fight your blood family Atsushi!” Akutagawa growled, actually growled at him. “You can't punch them into a coma like you did me, you can't break their jaws. You would let them walk all over you because that's what you want them to remember you as a good relative!”
“Yeah! I would.” Atsushi snapped back. “And then I'll walk out of their lives. Mine, my life, is right here. It's in Yokohama. It's with the Agency, it's with YOU. I won't give that up, no matter what they try to offer me.”
Because Atsushi knew that's what this was actually about. Akutagawa may not say it, but he was afraid of being abandoned again. Dazai-san up and left him, so why would anyone else stay?
Akutagawa seemed to deflate. Curl in on himself.
“Aku– Ryuunosuke.” Atsushi stepped forward, ignoring the pleased scent that came off the Prime Alpha when he used his given name at last. “I'm coming back. Nothing they offer me is worth what I have here.”
Akutagawa reached out faster than he could track, Rashōmon probably involved, and enveloped him in a tight hold.
“You'll come back.”
“Yes yes.” Atsushi pat Akutagawa’s back.
“You are going to come back. That's an order.” Akutagawa muttered.
“Who do you think you're talking to?” Atsushi scoffed, resting his head on Akutagawa’s shoulder and just relaxed.
Atsushi then felt something strange. It felt like when he had used Rashōmon before, but it was different.
Akutagawa stepped back, and he wasn't wearing the dark gray winter coat anymore.
He had transferred it onto Atsushi.
He fussed with it, fixing the collar and messing with the sleeves, sparking lightning of his Ability seen as he adjusted it to fit Atsushi perfectly. Almost a tailor-made coat for the Gamma. Not that he could make it any smaller. If he tried it would be too small, and that saying something.
At least Atsushi was gaining weight. Apparently that was a good thing, according to Yosano-sensei. And everyone around him too. Atsushi thought it was a bad idea to gain so much weight.
“If you don't come back, I'm going to come find you.”
“I know.” Atsushi muttered into his Prime Alpha’s shoulder.
“I mean it. I'm going to come find you.” Akutagawa gripped him tighter.
Atsushi nodded into the shoulder, just holding his Prime Alpha back as tightly as he held Atsushi.
They didn't move from their place on the sidewalk for a long while.
—
Atsushi gripped the coat around him tighter. He felt safer with it on, he felt complete. It felt right, to wear something so heavily scented by his courting Alpha.
It felt good, to be protected in such a way. Since it was a Prime Alpha’s scent, it would linger. Linger like a scent in a hole that was supposed to be there, like it belonged there. It would seep into everything that touched his coat, because this was his coat now.
Of course, that didn't count for the hat that was in his bag, that was quickly saturating everything that he owned with another scent. Atsushi didn't mind though.
Chuuya-san had gone through the trouble of tracking him down while he was on the way to the train station this morning to give it to him. Atsushi could at least wear it and feel happy.
—
“There ya are!” Chuuya-san landed next to him, startling Atsushi as he was walking to the train station, but he should have expected this. Akutagawa wouldn't have kept quiet about Atsushi leaving Yokohama’s bounds, and Chuuya-san would have tracked him down regardless.
He should be grateful he didn't attach himself to the train while it was in motion to give Atsushi something.
Chuuya-san placed a hat on his head. It was a brown leather hat, the fit much like a newsboy from the West in the nineteen hundreds. Atsushi blinked at the surprise of it, because he hadn't seen it in Chuuya-san's hand, but Chuuya-san just started to fuss with his coat. Smoothing it down and spreading his scent all over.
Atsushi had to laugh. Now Akutagawa's and Chuuya-san's scents were fighting for dominance on the coat.
"That hat has a tracker and a panic button." Chuuya-san said abruptly, still messing with how the jacket fit, concern clear in his scent and his eyes. "It takes no time for me to get there. So if you need me to come get you- if you get in a fight- if–"
Atsushi had just shook his head and laughed more, tugging Chuuya-san into a hug. Chuuya-san held on just as fiercely. His bag bumped uncomfortably against the both of them, and it weighed on Atsushi's shoulder heavily, and Chuuya-san smelled so upset, but it was a good hug. "I'll come back, I promise."
“Ya fuckin’ BETTER.” Chuuya-san growled. “We'll come lookin’ if ya don't. You don' get ta disappear on us, disappear on ME. Got that Atsushi?”
“Crystal clear.” Atsushi hid his tears by nodding his head.
“Good. Good.” Chuuya-san sighed. “I– oh fuck kid. Ya gotta come back. You have some of tha most powerful people in this city wrapped around yer fingers.”
“I'll come home. I promise.” Atsushi muttered.
—
Atsushi messed with the leather hat, feeling around the brim of it and trying to find the tracker and the panic button that Chuuya-san had mentioned existed. He was pretty sure it was hidden in the fold of the fabric over the top of the brim of the hat, but he didn't want to press it.
Accidentally sending Chuuya-san after him when he likely needed a day to relax after the heart attack Atsushi likely put him through.
It was a thoughtful gift, especially since Chuuya-san highly valued his hats and his wine (and Atsushi). So giving Atsushi a hat with, ahem, extra features was probably a sign of being claimed again.
Hopefully, if Dazai-san came around during any time that Atsushi was wearing the hat, he wouldn't try to trash it.
But then again.
That would require Dazai-san to be around to smell Chuuya-san on the hat.
Dazai-san hadn't been around for a few days now.
But then again. . . .
Atsushi reached in the bag again and pulled out an envelope.
Inside were three tickets.
He studied them, his free hand coming up to one of his flyaway hairs that refused to be tucked up in a bun, despite what he had tried.
—
“There you are! I almost thought you were going to miss your train!”
Atsushi nearly tripped over his feet at the sound of Mori-san calling out to him. How did he know where Atsushi would be? Scratch that, how did Mori-san know what train Atsushi would take? ATSUSHI hadn't known what train he was going to take!
“Mori-san?” He squeaked, watching with wide eyes as the fucking Boss of the Port Mafia walked over to him like he was a part of Atsushi's pack. Elise skipped alongside the Omega, a mischievous grin pasted on her face.
Mori-san looked him over, clicking his tongue.
“Has no one taught you to put your hair up when you're traveling?”
Before Atsushi could blink, the man was behind him, hands in Atsushi's hair as he somehow managed to corral Atsushi's hair up and into a low bun on the base of Atsushi's hair.
“There we go. Much better.” Mori-san nodded.
“I– huh? Mori-san, what are you DOING here?” Atsushi choked as he stepped away to look at the older Omega.
“Hm? Oh, I'm here to make sure you get to your train on time. And to give you these!” Mori-san held out an envelope.
Atsushi took the envelope, staring down at it in perplexion, because what was his life now? Chuuya-san had said that he had some of the most powerful people in the city wrapped around his finger, but Atsushi thought that meant Chuuya-san. Fukuzawa-san. And Dazai-san. Not– Atsushi didn't think it extended to Mori-san of all people.
Atsushi opened the envelope, pulling out three tickets.
One to leave, two for coming back.
“Your train leaves in about ten minutes, Atsushi-kun. You'd better start going.” Mori-san smiled at him, and Elise bobbed her head. “Bye bye, Gamma-chan!”
Atsushi felt a bit of his blood running cold at the fact that someone like Mori-san knowing his designation, but he couldn't stay. He needed to get to the train.
“Right! Thank you!” He bowed quickly and raced off down the stairs to the train station entrance, trying to ignore the burning stare of purple eyes following him until they couldn't.
—
Three tickets.
Atsushi had his leaving ticket punched, so that accounted for that ticket.
And one of the returning tickets belonged to him too.
Atsushi tapped the tickets against his palm, before tucking them back into the envelope and stowing it back into his bag. He shook his head, letting the thoughts flutter into the back of his mind. He would think about them later.
He would deduce what it meant later.
Atsushi leaned back in his seat, Kunikida-san’s book still in hand. He wondered if he could manage to sink into a story and allow his mind to wander. Just to allow himself to relax in the seat and on the train while there was still time before he had to walk.
There was some thumping, and Atsushi's hand immediately turned into the tiger’s claw, before detransforming it and reaching into the bag and grabbing the pepper spray that had been foisted on him the night before.
—
Banging on the door had Kyouka-chan opening it with her phone in hand, and Tanizaki-kun and Naomi-san burst their way into the apartment.
“What are you two doing?” Atsushi asked with a deadpan expression, staring at the two of them as he cooked dinner for tonight and breakfast for tomorrow.
“You're traveling! You don't have the essentials, do you!?” Naomi-san asked, planting her hands on her hips as she stared him down.
“Uuuhhh, I'm packed? For tomorrow? Kyouka-chan helped?” Atsushi offered.
“Okay, close.” Tanizaki-kun sighed, before reaching out and taking Atsushi's hand and putting something in it.
Atsushi looked down at it.
“Tanizaki-kun, is this pepper spray?”
“Yup. You can't always turn into a tiger Atsushi-kun. You need a more common way to defend yourself, and pepper spray is a. . . Gray area of the law.” Tanizaki-kun explained.
“Ah. Our specialty.” Atsushi joked. Kyouka-chan giggled lightly, poking at the cylinder in curiosity.
“And here!” Naomi-san placed something beside the pepper spray.
“Scent neutralizer?” Atsushi frowned.
“People get seriously discombobulated when they can't smell themselves.” Naomi-san explained. “It's a good way to confuse an enemy you can't really fight like normal.”
Atsushi felt his heart melting, and he pulled the two Beta pack members into a hug, sighing happily.
“I'll be back before you know it.”
“You'd better. I may have dissolved my ties with the underworld, but I'm not afraid to renew them to track you down.” Tanizaki-kun threatened.
Atsushi giggled, a little wetly.
It's hard to keep your throat clear with tears after all.
—
The Alpha walked by with a lumbering gait, nodding to Atsushi as he passed, but didn't stop.
Atsushi shook his head and forced himself to let go of the pepper spray. What kind of person was he? To be so on edge because of some footsteps? To think someone would hurt him simply because their feet are heavy?
He buried his face in his hands and groaned lightly. He needed some sleep, he needed to rest.
Atsushi should eat something. He should get something in his system, he hadn't managed to eat anything this morning because he was rushing to get ready and say goodbye to everyone.
Was there something that he could eat? Something that he could snack on before getting an actual meal?
Oh wait. Yeah there was.
Atsushi reached into his bag and pulled out some potato chips. They were French Salad flavored, and he really shouldn't have been surprised at that. He studied the bag, sighing as he remembered how exactly he got them.
—
“Atsushi-kun!”
Atsushi was simply descending into the train station and he could only freeze when he saw Verlaine-san, of all people, waving and jumping around. Trying to get his attention.
Atsushi should walk away. He should walk away, he should run. He shouldn't let Verlaine-san meet him, he would be late if he had a few more interruptions.
. . . . . .
Dammit. He couldn't ignore him, could he?
“Hi Verlaine-san.” Atsushi greeted with a sigh, walking forward and letting the Omega sweep him into a crushing hug.
“I was afraid I would miss you!” The Omega chirped, and quicker than Atsushi could follow (that was happening a lot lately, he should get some more sleep, right? It's because he wasn't sleeping lately and he was worried about Dazai-san that he wasn't sleeping) the bag of chips was in Atsushi's bag.
“Why?” Atsushi deadpanned.
“Because you need a snack for a trip. Everyone needs one, and this is a good flavor! Do try it and let me know how you like it! Now off you go! You'll miss your train if you don't get a pep in your step!”
And then Verlaine-san was forcing him down the stairs.
Atsushi turned to look back at him.
He was gone already.
—
Atsushi sighed and scrubbed his face, before opening the bag of chips and popping one in his mouth, chewing and tasting it.
Salty, but not too bad. It reminded him of an onion salad that Chuuya-san had bought for him once. It wasn't too bad. Maybe Atsushi should buy this again.
He popped another chip in his mouth. Chewing and swallowing.
They didn't taste drugged. That was good at least. He didn't think Verlaine-san would drug him, but it was never too bad to be careful about shit like that. The Omega was rather protective to a very. . . Dangerous degree.
Not quite on Dazai-san’s level, but definitely contending with Chuuya-san on the “I-can-and-am-capable-of-and-WILL-kill-for-you” scale. Atsushi knew at least a few weird waiters had “gone missing” after Kyouka-chan had conveniently let the fact that they only talked to Atsushi slip to Verlaine-san.
The thought of Dazai-san made Atsushi deflate, and he threw more chips in his mouth, chewing angrily.
Who the hell did that Omega think he was!? Running off when Atsushi, and Kyouka-chan, needed him the most! They needed stability, but noooo. Dazai-san’s attachment issues decided to rear their ugly head and he decided to run off.
Atsushi was really going to give Dazai-san a piece of his mind when he saw him again. He felt a weight on his shoulder starting to settle. It had been there ever since he had realized that Dazai-san was missing.
Atsushi angrily finished off the bag of chips, huffing and balling it up. He stowed it away into his other bag, determined on throwing it away later. Right now, he would relax until his next stop–
[“Now arriving at Shinjuku Station. The next stop is–”]
–Scratch that, Atsushi was going to get off and finally do what he needed to do.
He got his bag and pulled it into his shoulder, a soft sigh escaping him as he started to join the throng of people disembarking the train. He hit the train station tile, and studied the sign in front of him to figure out where exactly the exit was.
Atsushi, being from the countryside and then only living in Yokohama, had no idea where the exit for Shinjuku Station would be located. A safe bet would be following the people, but he could end up getting on another train if he wasn't being carefu–
“Excuse me? Sir?”
Atsushi's hand darted into his bag again, this time his hand wrapped the tanto handle. His eyes darted to see who was talking to him, and his scent grew sharp. Although the person probably couldn't tell under all the scents Atsushi had on his person.
A young pup stood there, smelling of protective Alphan sharp mint and ozone. The own pup’s scent was hidden for the moment, or perhaps he hadn't presented yet, but the cherry blossoms colored hair and the two symmetrical scars under the pup’s eyes made him memorable, if only for the moment.
“Yes? Can I help you?” Atsushi asked, hand still on the tanto handle in his bag as he watched the pup looked down at him. Slightly irritating that the pup had a few centimeters in Atsushi, but nothing that he could do about that.
“Ah, you just have something on your shoulder.” The pup motioned to Atsushi's shoulder, and when Atsushi turned to look, all he saw was his bag.
Quick movement out of the corner of his eye, and he turned back to the pup, eyes narrowed.
“Sorry! It was on your other shoulder!” The pup smiled at him, hands up in surrender.
Atsushi opened his mouth to say something, before closing it and moving his shoulders. The weight that had been pressing down on them for the last few weeks, the loneliness and feeling of abandonment, was lighter.
“I– okay.” Atsushi gave the pup a slow look up and down, before nodding at him. “Thanks for getting that.”
The pup grinned at him, a smile that reminded him of Kenji-kun. “No problem man! Have a good day!”
The pup ran off, back to small pack with what looked like two other pups and a rather tall leader. A leader with completely white hair and a blindfold and how did he see to walk–
Nope. Not Atsushi's problem. Atsushi's problem was getting out of the station. He turned on heel and started walking, following the exit signs and stepped out into the sunlight.
Then and only then, did he let go of the tanto’s handle.
A sigh of relief escaped him.
—
“Atsushi-san.”
Atsushi was waiting for his train and nearly tripped into the tracks when he heard THAT voice calling him.
He snapped around, seeing Ozaki-san standing there as regal as ever, even in normal, Western-styled clothes.
“Oza–”
“You're leaving the city.” The woman held her head high, posture befitting of a Port Mafia Executive despite her casual clothing. “You are leaving Kyouka.”
“Only for a little bit. Kunikida-san would never let her get hurt while I'm gone.” Atsushi rolled his eyes. He was remembering why he didn't like this woman.
“You are leaving without proper protection.”
“I have scents plastered all over me.” Atsushi deadpanned. “The hat has a goddamn panic button that would summon Chuuya-san.”
Ozaki-san tilted her head, before stepping forward, her heels clacking against the tile. Only because she wanted to be heard, Atsushi was sure.
“You'll take this, and you'll use it should you need to.” Ozaki-san pressed something into his hands, and then walked off, shoulder bag swinging with every step.
“Huh– wha? OZAKI-SAN! I CAN’T– OZAKI!” Atsushi yelled at her back, right as his train started to roll into the station.
The wrapped tanto was hastily pushed into his bag as he boarded the train, trying to put it on the bottom so no one would see it.
—
Atsushi shook his head in disbelief.
Who of all people gives a person that isn't even a part of their pack a damn tanto of all things?
Apparently Ozaki Kouyou, feared Port Mafia Executive who wants to ensure that one Izumi Kyouka’s older brother is safe on a journey that wouldn't take more than a day.
Damnit. He's going to have to be more polite with her, won't he? Going to have to talk to her and act sweetly? Atsushi didn't want to actually interact with the Alpha woman, they had come to an understanding, but they weren't friends or packmates by any stretch of the imagination.
Atsushi pushed his hair out of his face with his air and focused on the map in front of him.
He needed to get to his destination.
He tucked his phone in his bag, and smiled lightly. It was a sturdy bag, created with love and care and wasn't going to rip apart at the seams simply because there was a change of clothes in there or other amenities.
Lucy-chan had done good work on the bag.
—
Something was thrown at him as he entered Café Uzumaki, and Atsushi ducked before it hit him. It instead hit the door behind him.
“Toraneko! You're supposed to catch presents!” Lucy-chan called at him as she made coffee behind the counter.
“You're not supposed to throw presents at people Lucy-chan!” Atsushi called, picking up the present that Lucy-chan had apparently gotten him.
A bag. Made with canvas material and little characters sewn into the borders, looking cute but actually were reinforcing the stitches.
“What's this for?” Atsushi asked, picking up his coffee and sipping it.
“You need a good bag. One that isn't some store-bought trash and would fall apart on you.”
Lucy-chan looked down, not daring to look at Atsushi head-on while her cheeks were red.
“Thank you Lucy-chan.” Atsushi said, warmth and fondness whispering through his tone. “It means a lot, that you made it for me.”
“Yeah it better!” Hands on hips, eyes glaring, Lucy-chan didn't care about her cheeks being red now. “Do you know how long it took me to make that!? Too long! I nearly had to use Anne’s Room for it! It better last a long while Toraneko! And you'd better take good care of it!”
“I will. I always cherish what my packmates give me.”
If Lucy-chan came around the counter to hug him and scent him to calm her shaking hands, well. That was between herself, Atsushi, and the café owner.
—
Lucy-chan made quality bags.
Atsushi wondered if he could get her to make it into a business. She would make a killing on it. Maybe he should tell her about it, it's made the journey here so much easier with all the little pockets that she placed into the sides.
He walked along the sidewalk, just allowing his feet to take him to where he needed to go. He knew where it was. He remembered exactly, Kunikida-san had printed out the directions and tucked them into his bag, and Kyouka-chan had wired them into his phone. She was also probably spying on him and his location through the phone, but that was fine. It was so like her.
He took his turns where he was supposed to, and then stopped where he was supposed to.
The cemetery.
Atsushi swallowed, reaching into the bag one last time and pulling something out and gripping it tightly to his chest. The squashy, plush feeling alleviated some nerves that were trying to make him feel like he should run away from this.
The little raccoon plushie was high-quality, it felt like it at least. He squeezed it again and entered the cemetery. It did help with the nerves, having something that he could hold onto. Is this why Poe-san always had Karl with him?
It was nice of Poe-san to give him a little Karl so Atsushi could squeeze it when he was nervous.
—
“Here you go.”
Atsushi put his coffee down, eyes immediately catching on the little raccoon plushie that Poe-san was holding. Holding out to him.
“What's this?” Atsushi was already reaching for it and Poe-san placed it in his hands.
“For your trip. I always have Karl with me, so I figured that you should have something to help alleviate your anxiety as well.” Poe-san gently messed up Atsushi's hair and made Atsushi pout at the Alpha, but the raccoon plushie was cute and squishy, so he forgave him instantly.
“Does this have a tracking chip in it?”
“No, I figured I would leave that to Kyouka.” Poe-san shrugged. “She would never let you go without something to keep an eye on you.”
“You're right about that.” Atsushi's eyes drifted to the tiger phone charm. “She's overprotective.”
“She's just as protective as an Alpha needs to be.” Poe-san shot back, his finger flicking Atsushi on the forehead. “Thinking clearly is not a strong suit of ours, especially when loved ones are in danger, but protectiveness? Oh we make up for it in spades of protectiveness little Gamma.”
Atsushi blew his hair out of his eyes and gave Poe-san the stink eye.
“Don't give me that look, young man.” The Alpha wagged his finger at Atsushi. Atsushi was tempted to bite it. “Protectiveness and Doting comes with the territory of an Alpha. I know you know that thanks to your Courting Alpha. Who also likely isn't happy with letting you leave the city either.”
Atsushi felt a flush of heat crawling up his neck at that.
“Us Alphas, we don't like letting go of what we hold dear. So letting go of you right now to do what you need to do is the best gift that we can give you.” Poe-san said, and Karl nodded on his shoulder, a soft coo erupting from the raccoon.
Atsushi squeezed the little raccoon plushie.
“And if you need any money, I can have a new card created in your name and–”
“NO!”
—
Ridiculous Alphas.
Atsushi smiled down at the plushie in his grip, before tucking it back in his bag, hiking it up his shoulder, and started walking into the cemetery.
It was a little harder, since Fuzan-san had had his parents buried under both names in a Western, hyphenated version that acknowledged that they had taken his mother's family name. And Atsushi didn't know whether Nakajima or Hashimoto.
Plus, apparently Fuzan-san and Rie-san didn't come out here a lot. So the graves wouldn't look the nicest. Atsushi wished he had brought tools to clean their graves, but he currently didn't have them. That may have to be another trip. Maybe with Kyouka-chan.
Wandering around the graves for a half an hour he finally found them. But the state of the graves perplexed him a little.
They were clean. Not a sign of overgrowth or the grass growing up higher than allowed. The incense burners were shining and beautiful.
Atsushi stared in confusion.
And then the wind from behind the grave swept towards him, and carried the scents that the graves and the incense burners held, and Atsushi smiled.
“It makes sense now.” He muttered, before walking forward.
He lit the incense for his mother and his father, and the smells of eucalyptus for his mother, and rosemary for his father. Secondary smells were too hard to do properly, so it would only be primary scents.
His parents had lovely scents.
“Hello Mother. Father.” Atsushi greeted after praying. He settled on his knees, his bag by his side and not on his shoulder anymore.
“It's been a while now, hasn't it? Almost twenty years. Sorry I've not come to meet you before, I didn't know who you were. And I kinda wasn't allowed to leave the Orphanage.”
Atsushi sighed, remembering the first years of his life, the years that he could remember and the years that had shaped him into who he was. The pain, the betrayal, the anguish that that place had given him.
But it had also led him to Yokohama, in its own twisting way.
“It's not been an easy life. I can tell you two that much.” Atsushi sighed. “I have scars. Some that are present on my body, and some that are present on my mind. Actually, a lot that are present in my mind. Did you know that you're not supposed to see people that aren't there? I didn't before looking it up in the Orphanage library. I just thought the Headmaster was following me around the entire day.”
Atsushi laughed his self-deprecating laugh.
“I wonder if the two of you had issues with mental health too. Because Kunikida-san caught me the other day in the middle of a panic attack, apparently because they have a name, and after calming me down, he told me how these things can be genetic? So I may have to ask Rie-san, if she remembers.”
That wasn't a fun experience, the panic attacks, as they were called, never were. Kunikida-san had managed to calm him down though, holding him to his chest and soothing him until he could take an actual breath. The stress of packing when he never had to before had gotten to him, and Kyouka-chan had run off to get Kunikida-san, because Kunikida-san always knew what to do.
“Ah, I haven't told you who he is yet, have I? Kunikida-san is my Parental Alpha. He's a good man, although he'd never believe it himself. He thinks he's too broken. I uh, how we met. I got thrown out of the Orphanage because of a white tiger eating out stuff and they couldn't afford to feed me, when in fact, the tiger was me! Crazy how that happened.”
Such a flimsy excuse, Atsushi had known it then and now. But he had hoped that the Orphanage wouldn't be so cruel to throw out the pariah simply because they wanted him dead by the tiger's jaws and claws.
“Uhm, I found Dazai-san drowning in a river in Yokohama. It's a great city, my city. But uh, Dazai-san is my. . . Well I guess he's my Parental Omega. He's not been acting like it lately.” Atsushi pouted. “I saved him and then met Kunikida-san. It's kinda a crazy story, so I won't tell you everything, okay? But I have a little sister! Her name is Kyouka-chan, she's the best little Alpha a guy could hope for.”
Atsushi shifted position, curling his knees to his chest.
“I know it wasn't intentional on your part, but I'm not an actual Gamma, like you were hoping for. Apparently, after learning that, Yosano-sensei, the doctor of the place I work for and a True Beta, she ran some tests. I'm something of a, oh what's the word?”
Atsushi blew some hair out of his face. “It's called hermaphrodite, in some form or fashion? I think, basically it means I'm a fusion of a Gamma and a Sigma. I'm sure you two recall that Sigmas, they. . .”
Atsushi stared at the incense burners. Letting the smoke catch his attention while he scrambled for words.
“Sigmas don't like packs. That's what Yosano-sensei told me. She said that's probably one of the reasons I didn't present until I kickstarted it, because being alone meant I was safe in the Sigma’s mind.” He gripped his knees tighter.
“But when I kickstarted my presentation, it made the Gamma part of me rear up and take control. So I, I kinda basically am a Gamma? Just with some loner tendencies, that's what she told me. And probably why I struggled so much in learning about pack dynamics and stuff, because it was the Sigma wrestling with the Gamma, on top of never being taught this stuff.”
Atsushi stared at the burners some more, this time at the flames that were eating at the sticks to make the scent.
“I don't think it's a big part of me. Not anymore. I love my pack. Even if Dazai-san runs away sometimes and Ranpo-san has some tiffs with Poe-san and Yosano-sensei takes me shopping and makes me carry her bags and Lucy-chan and Tanizaki-kun and Naomi-san are ready to maul someone for me, and, and even if Chuuya-san and Verlaine-san kill people because they don't like how they look at me. And even if Akutagawa thinks I'm stupid for trying to find a connection when you're already dead and gone, I love them all.”
Atsushi laughed. “Fukuzawa-san and Kenji-kun, I can't find anything bad to say about them. Kunikida-san sometimes gets tight about his schedule, but it’s probably because Dazai-san being mean again.”
Atsushi wiped at the tears that were spilling down his cheeks.
“If you were worried about me, please don't be.”
The wind grew strong, and carried the scents on it.
Atsushi could relax again.
“Because I've got a pack, a family. And they care about me. And I love them. So please, rest now. I'm okay. I will be.”
Peach blossoms and cypress, which had been clinging to the graves because of course it had, of course he could never say things out loud, wrapped around him.
Gentle hands, wrists wrapped in bandages, cajoled him to his feet, and Atsushi found safety when placing his face in the space between the neck and the shoulder, sighing in relief at smelling the scent that protected him so much.
“C'mon Atsushi-kun. The hotel is just down the road.” Dazai-san murmured, and led him away. Atsushi let himself be led away from his past.
Atsushi didn't remember much of the walk, didn't remember the hotel lobby or the elevator, but the hotel room smelled like Dazai-san. He must have been staying here while getting the graves cleaned up.
That, and because there was a nest on the bed, one that he pushed Atsushi into so he could finally get some good sleep.
Closing his eyes, Atsushi could finally allow himself to close the door on his past as fingers ran through his hair, a soft huff escaping Dazai-san when he realized whose scent was there.
“Sleep Atsushi-kun. Just sleep.”
Atsushi slept.
~~~~~~~~~~
Osamu couldn't sleep.
It was great having Atsushi-kun in a nest again, but it wasn't their nest, and Kyouka-chan wasn't here either. It also wasn't the best nest he had ever created too, so Osamu couldn't sleep.
Gently detangling himself from Atsushi-kun, he decided to go on a walk.
Shinjuku was a nice enough city. Osamu had been banned from a few places here when he was in the Port Mafia, but apparently the people either didn't recognize him, or didn't care. So Osamu could get the needed supplies that he had wanted to properly clean the graves.
Ah, it seems his feet carried him here again. It was probably because he had been here so much within the last few days. He had felt horrible for leaving Atsushi-kun and Kyouka-chan alone, but they had the pack.
He still shouldn't have left without a note. But he knew he needed to get things ready for Atsushi-kun.
He studied the graves in front of him. Of people he had never met and he probably would never had met if Atsushi-kun had never run into his grandparents on that day. Hell, if they had stayed alive then Osamu would never had met Atsushi-kun. What a dark thought.
"Hello again.” He greeted. He never prayed, he had done that too much in his youth, he knew it wouldn't work, or the person wasn't listening.
He hadn't talked to the graves while he took the days to clean them. So this was the first time they heard his voice.
“You don't know me, only my actions. But I promise I'll take care of your son. He's mine now, and I won't let anyone hurt him.”
His words rang true in his mind and his heart, and Osamu knew that he'd be fighting with his instincts to not smother Atsushi-kun again like he had just after he had presented. If Atsushi-kun really didn't want to be Hovered around again, he would try to control himself. It would be hard, but he would do it.
“Your son is probably the most protected person in the entire country, if I'm being honest.” Osamu tilted his head, staring at nothing. “Mori-san likes him, Chuuya adores him, hell, even Verlaine cares about him. Not even mentioning the lengths I'd go to for him. The lengths the Armed Detective Agency would go to, just to protect him.”
It was just a whisper in his mind, just an intrusive thought, but he could have sworn he heard someone whisper “What lengths would you go to for him?”
“I've killed for him already.” Osamu confessed. “That headmaster that hurt him so terribly is dead. Kunikida-kun covered up the crime, although I imagine the Port Mafia recovered the body. The Armed Detective Agency covered up the fact that he went missing in Yokohama.”
Osamu stared at the grave of the mother.
“His Courting Alpha is someone who would murder in a half a heartbeat for him. Akutagawa-kun practically changed his entire being for Atsushi-kun. He's in good hands.”
Osamu turned to look at the grave of the father.
“His little sister would rip the throat out of anyone who dared to look at him wrongly. The only thing stopping her is Atsushi-kun himself. They love each other dearly.”
The air held tension for some reason, before it passed by with a ‘pop,’ and there was nearly the feeling of a hand on Osamu's shoulder.
He knew no one had snuck up on him, so it didn't make sense.
“Atsushi-kun will be alright. You two aren't here, but we are. He'll see you again.”
Osamu turned around and left the cemetery. He needed to climb in the nest and cuddle with his first kid, they had a train to catch in the morning after all.
They'd reunite with their pack tomorrow. And then face the future together.