Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*Helios added Zeus, Kronos and 6 others*

Helios: This group chat has been created so that you guys can talk without leaving ur orbits.
Helios: we dont want a repeat of the incident because YOU GUYS DIDNT LISTEN!!!!
Helios: i will be taking a break for now, don’t distubr me, dont spam in the chat and STAY IN YOUR ORBITS

Kronos: wait, aren’t we missing a lot of other celestials?
Kronos: what about our moons?

Zeus: All of us have been given admin so I presume we can add the others 

*new members have been added*

Zeus: Well that’s sorted for now.

Kronos: i just realised, poseidon isnt here at all (・・;)
Kronos: @bluesky do u know where poseidon is?

Ouranos: he’s a bit upset rn and said that he’s going to take a break for a while. I’ll talk to him once he’s back
Ouranos: i’m getting concerned though as our orbits switched and his is the one that’s the farthest, darkest and lonliest 

X: Relax, we most likely wont have to stay in our orbits forever, I’m sure that within a few of Zeus’s weeks things would be back to norma. whatever led up to this couldn’t have been that bad right?

Ouranos: Mate, two planets in the inner solar system system literally collided. Insensitive much?

X: Whatever. Why aren’t any of the rockies on tho?

Zeus: They’re grieving so they wouldn’t have the energy to socialise with us. Also, I don’t think they ever bothered to talk with us except for Ares as his orbit is close to mine.

Ouranos: tbh, I never knew most of their names except for maybe Ares because he and Zeus keep yapping and maybe Aphrodite too as they complain abt her all the time 

X: Nobody yaps as much as Zeus does. Esp when he’s with Kronos 😏 

Kronos: wtf  :/

X: Its no secret guys, everyone knows what you two get up to

Kronos: (o_o)

Ouranos: I once saw them both making out and getting ✨ freaky ✨ in the Kuiper belt 

X: 💀 💀 💀

Kronos: (T-T)

*@bluesky and @seXy have been muted for one hour*

Zeus: Both of you should think about what you’ve done for this one hour.

Kronos: thats a bit harsh jove :(

Zeus: Firstable, “uncomfy” is not a word and secondly, they did have it coming. It was abhorrent of them both to speak in such an inappropriate way about their fellow celestials.

Kronos: fair point ig
Kronos: this is getting a bit boring tbh, ill log off now as im going to meet some of my new moons >.<
Kronos: ttyl jove ily ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Hades: that’s kinda gay, ngl

*@princeofdarkness has been muted for one hour*

~Private chat between Ouranos and Poseidon~

bluesky: hey mate, we’re all worried about you.

bluesky: I hope you come back soon, I miss u a lot

bluesky: stay safe out there, ‘kay?

bluesky: we can do some art in my orbit once things get back to normal, ik that you love colouring

bluesky: hello?

bluesky: see you soon <3 

(unread)

Chapter Text

~Private chat between Aphrodite and Ares~

Beautykween: whre tf were u when it happend?

Beautykween: so much for being planet of war when u couldnt even protetc youw oqn neighborsd!

Beautykween: i fuckung gate you bocych!!

Beautykween: i lost my only friends because you were careless!@!!@

Ares: SO it’s my fault that it happened? Where were YOU? Too busy arguing with Hermes? 

Ares: I’m sorry for getting mad at you, it was nobody’s fault what happened. 
Ares: I understand that you’re grieving but dont take your anger on us 
Ares: I hope we can all move forwards after all this

Beautykween: fcuck you

~Private chat between Ares and Zeus~

Ares: idk why she’s so frustrated with me, I know i wasn't there but eventhe others weren’t
Ares: maybe she’s right though
Ares: it still feels like it was all my fault, if only i had botheres to check on them more.

Ares: poor Theia and Proto, imagine how angrty they must feel in the afterlife knowing that we did nothing to dtop them

Zeus: Ares, listen to me. None of you knew this would happen, it’s understandable that she’d be frustrated as she’s lost her only friends which must be incredibly hard.

Zeus: I’m not excusing her behaviour but she’s hurting, give her some time to heal. It wasn’t your fault Ares, it just happened to be an unlucky combination of wrong time, wrong place for them. You did everything you could for the inner solar system, accidents happen and that’s okay.
Zeus: Back when it was only me and Kronos, I remember that planets would always collide or get ejected or get hurled into the sun. It hurt a lot initially but by balancing our gravity better, you guys were able to form.
Zeus: What’s done has been done, there’s no use crying over spilt milk. New planets may form from the debris of Proto and Theia. New life will rise from the ashes of this tragedy

Ares: thanks a lot Zeus

Ares: also, what’s “milk”?

(read)

~Solar System gc~

X: i fucking hate it here, i keep getting muted everytime i try to speak

Hades: Tell me about it

X: Shut tf up, aren’t you like an asteroid or something

Hades: :D
Hades: * :D
Hades: wrong emoticon, tf?
Hades: D:
Hades: got it!

Ouranos: congratulations mate, would you like a goldstar

Hades: yeah

X: wimp

Kronos: ur being very mean X :(
Kronos: thats prob y jove wants to remove u
Kronos: ur language is too harsh ><

X: whatever, I’m like a grown planet. I can say whatever I want
X: also Zeus WHATTT?

Zeus: Sorry X, but Helios and I have been privately discussing the rules for this group and you appear to have broken all of them. If this continues any further then we will have to remove you from here until you reconsider

X: 👎 

Ouranos: I think it’s best u listen to him mate

X: well you’re such a push over

Ouranos: okay, that’s completely uncalled for. Why are you so pissed off?

Ouranos: ugh, he went offline. What a coward

Kronos: hey @bluesky? have u heard from poseidon by any chance?

Ouranos: yeah nah mate, I’m getting concerned for him. He hasn’t read any of my messages a d i cant recall the last time I saw him.
Ouranos: I think hes lost in some part of his orbit but i cant go check because of the rules

Kronos: that’s really worrisome , i think we both should look for him once helios loosens the restrictions

Ouranos: kay, i gtg mate. I got a new commission

Kronos: what kind of comission? 

Ouranos: for some art. Some planet from the Trappist system asked me to draw something

Kronos: draw what?

Ouranos: none of your busness

Zeus: Ouranos, be honest. That was very rude.

Ouranos: i can’t reveal it

Zeus: What sort of commissions?

Ouranos: uh, i gtg. Ttyl bye cya

Kronos: i dont trust him, isnt there a way u can access search history or chat logs?

Zeus: I could try as I have been given parental controls.

Ouranos: hah! I disabled them the moment i got this device

Zeus: You did what?

Ouranos: gtg, my sketchbook calls

Kronos: i worry abt him sometimes

Zeus: Don’t we all. Anyways, I’m getting tired so bye.

Kronos: i too have to go off so bye jove, ilysm <3

Hades: …

X: I agree

*@princeofdarkness and @seXy have been muted for one hour*

Chapter Text

Ouranos: this group is getting kind of boring. Does anyone play any games here?

Kronos: i play asteroid crush ^^
Kronos: i just crossed level 15066 :D
Kronos: we can play together if u want

Ouranos: wait, 15,066? How???

Zeus: If I remember correctly, that is the highest score in the galaxy.
Zeus: Congratulations dear!

Kronos: yay, thank u Jove <3

Helios: You also play asteroid cruhs? Im on level 10,818. Its my favoiraye game!

Kronos: omg, really? same! :D
Kronos: also hi Helios! how are u doing back from ur break?

Helios: I have returned jsut to say that the gas giants are allowed to move around their orbits
Helios: after discusing with Zeus we agreed that the gas gaints are mature due to their age and good record so far so they can move aroudn
Helios: Just make sure NOT to go beyond the Kuiper belt and the Asteroid belt else youll disturb the asteroids or an exoplanet may kidnap you

Ouranos: what do exoplanets even have to do with us?

Helios: SILENCE!!!
Helios: Do Not Interrupt ME

Ouranos: …

Helios: Anyways, enjoy! Do not do anything you will regret and dont be mean to each other
Helios: bye now, have to deal with the rockies

Zeus: I will ensure everyone stays within line.

Ouranos: well now that we can freely move around, I think I can go look for Poseidon

Kronos: i also want to come

Zeus: I’m not sure guys, I feel that Poseidon’s orbit should not be disturbed with the presence of you guys

Ouranos: why though?

Zeus: You are aware that Kronos and I keep the asteroid belt in check right? With our combined gravity, we were able to prevent asteroids from reaching the inner solar system.

Kronos: aww, i remember that. it was so fun <3
Kronos: imagine how small ares wouldve been if i didnt pull u back on time o.o

Zeus: Hehe, yeah

Ouranos: get a room you two.
Ouranos: also, how’s that related to Poseidon’s orbit and us?

Zeus: Similar to Kronos and I, Poseidon’s orbit also helps in keeping our solar system stable. Due to orbital resonance, his gravity prevents material from the Kuiper belt reaching the inner solar system.
Zeus: He sort of shepherds the Kuiper belt.

Ouranos: huh, I didn’t think about it like that
Ouranos: but we haven’t heard from him in such a long time, we’ll have to check up on him eventually. His orbit’s pretty far out, around 1.6x the distance between me and Helios.
Ouranos: aren’t you concerned for him at all?

Zeus: I am, really. Just stay in your orbit for now Ouranos.

Ouranos: mate, i really havnt seen him in such a long time. How do you expect me to stay in my orbit when my mate is out there?
Ouranos: juts because I’m the youngest of you all doesnt mean you cna boss me aroundg
Ouranos: I’m going to find him whethe ryou like it or not

Kronos: oh no, jove. i think i can see him leaving his orbit :(
Kronos: hes getting close to near poseidon’s orbit (´･_･`)
Kronos: jove, pls do something
Kronos: @Zeus!

Zeus: Well, I don’t think he’ll be able to do much damage

Kronos: how could u be so sure?

Zeus: It’s simple really, Ouranos himself said that Poseidon’s orbit is nearly twice the distance between him and Helios so he’ll hopefully get tired and turn around. Plus, he’s an ice giant so he’ll be way too slow to get there on time.

Kronos: oh, okay

~Private chat between Kronos and Zeus~

starturn45: hey jove, i feel like ur being a bit.. secretive abt something?
starturn45: y did u tell ouranos not to leave his orbit? u gave him so many reasons not to go but now that hes going u dont mind?
starturn45: whats going on?

Zeus: my dear, don’t worry. There’s a good reason for all this
Zeus: initially I was worried but i calculated the risks and found them to actually be minimal.
Zeus: plus, him looking for Poseidon will hopefully keep him distracted long enough.

starturn45: for what? ur worrying me jove °.°

Zeus: you’ll figure out soon enough dear, don;t worry. In fact, you’ll also be part of what I’m planning.
Zeus: meet me near the asteroid belt.
Zeus: now

starturn45: oh, alright. cya soon <3

~Private chat between Aphrodite and Helios~

Beautykween: hey Helios

Helios: what do you want Aphrodite?

Beautykween: Earth woke up and none of us know how to deal with him.

Helios: Whqt do you mean by that?

Beautykween: he lost all his memories and doesnt remember his name and ours
Beautykween: also, he has a moon

Helios: Where is Ares?

Beautykween: on the other side his orbit away from earth

Helios: Is he aware about earth waking up?

Beautykween: no

Helios: Alert him and all the other planets in the solar system.
Helios: If youve been paying attention, youve been added to a group caht with everyone in the solar system.
Helios: Alert eveyone there

Beautykween: why can’t you do that? Youre literally the head of the solar system :/

Helios: APHRODITE!!!
Helios: This attitude of yuors is why you will find it hard to suport life

Helios: sorry, i font know what came over me
Helios: but your attitude needs to be worked upon

Beautykween: whatever, ill do it

Helios: Good.

~Solar System gc~

Aphrodite: @everyone, I take great pleasure in announcing that earth has woken up.
Aphrodite: you may all rejoice, im out

Aphrodite: hold on, ive been backreading. @Ares gossips about me all the tiem?
Aphrodite: @Ares, this is u when i catch u-> 😵

Aphrodite: also, he literally remembers nothing, not even his own name so yeah, be nice or whatever ig
Aphrodite: peace

Ares: Wait ehat? Earth has woken up?
Ares: Also, screw you Aphrodite.

Ares: Qait guys, ami the obly oen geffinsd hietr bty asyterouds?

Aphrodite: smare herere

Ouranos: hey guys, I found Poseidon! He was lost in his orbit for a while
Ouranos: I’ve added him, welcome @seaman

Aphrodite: @seaman? Pfft- lol 😂

Ouranos: ?

Poseidon: 👋
Poseidon: @Beautykween, ❔

Aphrodite: can’t believe you guys are so innocent, lol

Ouranos: mate, we’re literally older than you •_•

Helios: @everyone, WHO DARED TO DISRUPT THE KUIPER BELT????
Helios: Asteroids are everywhere and the rockies aer getting hit
Helios: I will forcefully lock you in yuor orbeit if you keep this up

Ouranos: apologies Helios, I promise this won’t happen again

Helios: WEll, I shall leave now. Have to tend to earth and the rockies

Ouranos: sorry about that guys, I may have disrupted the Kuiper belt as I kind of rushed all around when finding Poseidon
Ouranos: hope the bombardment doesn’t last too long

Aphrodite: Narrator: alas, idint didnt last too long

Ouranos: wut

Poseidon: ❓

Aphrodite: what

Aphrodite: you gius are werd, im out

Ouranos: I just realised, X and Hades haven’t been on in a while
Ouranos: @Zeus, did you ban them or something?

Zeus: no, bye.

Ouranos: since I’m the only one online I might as well leave, bye guys.

Poseidon: 🥺❔
Poseidon: 👋 😔

~Private chat between Poseidon and ❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎~

❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: Well well well, greetings Poseidon. How are you on this fine day? Finally got to meet your ‘cousin’?

seaman: pls stop this, pls leave me alone

❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: Can’t do that now, can I? Just because that “cousin” of yours showed up doesn’t mean the fun can’t continue. If anything, what if I let him also become my friend?

seaman: no, you can’t. Pls dont, i dont want im to het hurt. Laeve him alne!

❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: Wow, you’re soo brave standing up to me. Didn’t think you had it in you Pusseidon, so impressed.
❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: You are going to meet me in the Kuiper belt tomorrow whether you like it or not. That is an order, else I might consider befriending your “cousin”. Sag A* knows he’ll be a much better friend than you, after all you’re a pretty much useless, good for nothing planet.
❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: Toodles

Chapter Text

~Solar system gc~

Hermes: oh wow, ive been added to a grp ^^
Hermes: hi guys :D

Aphrodite: I wrote a poem just to welcome you

Hermes: really? pls share

Aphrodite: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star 
Aphrodite: Hope you get hit by a solar flare
Aphrodite: And all your surface blasts away
Aphrodite: You’re gay

Hermes: :’(

@Beautykween was muted for one hour

Zeus: Be civil guys. 

Ouranos: that wasn’t even a proper poem tbh. How does star rhyme with flare? I dont get it

Poseidon: hey guys!

Ouranos: hey mate, whats up? Haven’t seen you in this group in a while

Poseidon: i sort of forgot about this group
Poseidon: is it just me or have Hades and X disappeared?

Ouranos: if I remember correctly, X was going to be removed from this group due to his.. problematic behaviour

Poseidon: oo, like what?

Zeus: Nothing much.

Poseidon: ?

Ouranos: hades is probably on the other side of the sun so we can’t see him and maybe he’s taking a break ig. He too was getting muted all the time

Poseidon: oh
Poseidon: im getting bored, can i come over to your orbit?

Ouranos: sure mate, just give me a min

Ares: Hey guys

Hermes: hello :D
Hermes: i heard earth’s awake?
Hermes: also, why is there so many asteroids everywhere

Ares: Yeah! He also has a moon now
Ares: They look kind of cute together, I wish I could take a pic and show you but my camera isnt the best
Ares: Our  Ouranos “may have” disturbed the Kuiper belt and “may have” affected the orbits of all the debris 

Hermes: how long will it last? my surface is horrible,  might as well as helios to solar flare it for a makeover

Ares: Probably a few years maybe.
Ares: Say Hermes, you talk to Helios all the time so please ask him when us rockies can leave our orbits. It’s getting boring 

Hermes: i have to orbit next to him and aphrodite, i know how bad things can get 
Hermes: he’s considering things as he thinks some of us have potential for life and doesnt want things to get unstable
Hermes: like you and aphrodite have water so helios thinks you both can sustain life and since earth is in betwen he might get water so he doesnt want you guys out of your orbits

Ares: I’m not too sure of myself, I feel my core is getting way too cold day afyer day and my magnetic fiel s is weakjien ao i may e not bea sable to esuatin lfe

Hermes: you okay Ares?

Ares: uea

~Private chat between Ouranos and Poseidon~

Bluesky: hey mate, how you doing?
Bluesky: today’s painting session was honestly pretty fun, we should do it again
Bluesky: but, I noticed that your eye seems weird? And there’s some cuts under your sleeve
Bluesky : if you want to talk, I’m always here for you. You can always reach out no matter what you’re going through

Seaman: thank u but i prmise nothing is going on
Seaman: gtg

~Private chat between Ouranos and Kronos~

Bluesky : *screenshot of above conversation*

Bluesky : I’m worried for him mate, he’s changed since I last saw him
Bluesky: he’s got new scars and his eye is all weird and he seems drained
Bluesky: it’s like he’s mentally absent and during todays painting session i had to keep bringing him back to the present
Bluesky : idk what to do, he keeps ignoring me
Bluesky: did i do somethins weong?
Bluesky: i shouldve chexked on him moerw

starturn45: calm down ( •△•)
starturn45: he’s been isolated for a while so it’s natural hed be off
starturn45: give him some time to adjust, it must be tough for him but u should help him 
starturn45: im sure things will be back to normal soon, dont worry too much okay?
starturn45: nothing is ur fault here, dont be too hard on urself. ur a good being and im sure poseidon appreciates that abt u. just give him some time, thats all

Bluesky: thanks a lot mate, I appreciate your advice
Bluesky: I’ll just give him some time and invite him for more sessions

starturn45: there u go
starturn45: :D

Bluesky: :D

~Private chat between Aphrodite and Helios~

Beautykween: hey Helios, i want to talk abt something

Helios: What is atht Aphrodite?

Beautykween: its just hat

Beautykween: i hate myself
Beautykween: i hate this body and this name
Beautykween: its not me, it doesnt feel like its me. Its like im seeing things from the outside like an observer
Beautykween: i hate my voice and i dont like being seen a girl

Helios: oh, I think I know what’s happening.
Helios: another star I know went through this

*insert scene*

~Solar system gc~

Helios: @everyone, I have decided that yuor enames are getting boring and they suck

Ares: Weren’t you the one who named us?

Helios: 😀

Ares:?
Ares: aeufhgrefbbwi6g

Zeus: What happened to him?

Hermes: he got solar flared :(

Hades: lol

Zeus: When did you come back @princeofdarkness?

Hades: wdym? I’ve always been here
Hades: I was absent because I got hit by something and knocked unconcious
Hades: I got a couple of moons thouguh, theyre pretty nice

Zeus: Wishing you a speedy recovery

Helios: @everyone, SHUT UP

*Helios muted everyone*

Helios: Mcuh Better. You guys are too much
Helios: Anyways, your names pretty much suck and are getting boring so I have decided to change them
Helios: Since I’n such a nice star I’l let you choose

*Helios unmuted everyone*

Hades: freeddoom
Hades: I cna go by Pluto ig, i’ve always thought of it as a cool name 
Hades: it will strike fear in the hearts of everyone and I shall be respected

Aphrodite: Narrator: Alas, he was  wrong
Aphrodite: sounds like a cartoony name

Hades: ?

Aphrodite:?

Aphrodite: I will go by Venus as I’ve been thinking about it for a while
Aphrodite: also I now go by he/him, go figure. Respect that guys

Helios: Pleae rememebr to use each others’ preferred pronouns and be civil

Zeus: Congratulations on coming out Venus!

Kronos: yay, congrats Venus!!!

Ares: Good for you ig Venis

Aphrodite: hey!

Kronos: jove, u can decide my name <3
Kronos: here’s a list of interesting names: shani, freya and saturn

Zeus: Hmm, I think Saturn suits you. The name is as pretty as you

Kronos: ty jove ily <3 (≧∀≦)

Aphrodite: ugh, get a room
Aphrodite: also wdym kronos has a list of interesting names?

Zeus: use his preferred name Venus

Kronos: it’s okay, they’re still young
Kronos: i mean, i also found my name a bit weird so i found alternatives

Aphrodite: oh, okay. Sorry for being mean Saturn

Kronos: dw abt it Venus <3

Helios: To thsoe of you who havent chosen a name, you have a week before I choose it for oyu

Zeus: What about earth?

Helios: Dont worry , his amneisa is so bad that he keeps fogrettig his own name alog with others
Helios: I ownt change his name for now

Zeus: oh, I see.

Ouranos: well I’ve never hated my name till now so I guess I’ll keep it the same
Ouranos: I’ll probably remove the O at the beginning, it feels way too fancy
Ouranos: so my name will be Uranus ten, seems respectable enough

Narrator: Alas, it was not respectable enough

Ouranos: stop it Venus, it wasn’t funnt the first two times so its not funny now

Aphrodite: wtf, that wasn’t me
Aphrodite: @Helios, can we change our @s?

Helios: go ahead, I’m changing your names in this group anyways

*Helios changed Aphrodite to Venus*

*Helios changed Hades to Pluto*

*Helios changed Kronos to Saturn*

*Helios changed Ouranos to Uranus*

Venus: this feels amazing, wtf

Pluto: Ikr? Finally getting the respect I deserve

Saturn: jove, what do u think?

Zeus: It suits you so well my dear

Saturn: tyy! ^^

Uranus: get a room, oh gosh
Uranus: this feels fine enough, nothing much has changed but I dont mind oddly

Poseidon: Hey a cousina

Uranus: hey mate, do you like my new name?

Poseidon: eh, it’s fine

Poseidon: we’re changing names?
Poseidon: can I be Ritxyri?

Helios: No

Venus: that name scuks

Uranus: yeah nah mate, that’s a crap name

Helios: LENGUAGE!!!!

Poseidon:  can I be Neptune?

Helios: done

*Helios changed Poseidon to Neptune*

Neptune: yay!!

Helios: @everyone, those eoh haven’t got their name changed, I give you half of one of my weeks to decide
Helios: if not then I will change them fkr you
Helios: use the new names now, dont eant to remember the old solar system anymore
Helios: want to move padt everything 

Ares: Same here. Things will be fine I hope

Zeus: Hey Helios, do you want to change your name too?

Helios: I’ll hvae to yhinl about it

Chapter Text

Helios: @everyone, it’s been enough time
Helios: I am changing my name to Sol
Helios: have hte rest of you decided?

Hermes: i like my name but you can change it i guess

Zeus: Perhaps Jupiter could work for me

Ares: No, not really. I feel the same as Hermes.

Helios: Alright, I shall change your names

*Helios changed his name to Sol*

*Sol changed Zeus to Jupiter*

*Sol changed Hermes to Mercury*

*Sol changed Ares to Mars*

Mercury: i guess this is fine enough

Venus: Hello losers
Venus: @Sol, when can we leave our orbits?
Venus: this just sucks, I hate my neighbours like that pipsqueak and the amnesiac
Venus: I need to meet Saturn for stuff

Sol: well Venus, you jave this group
Sol: Also, I am adding earth to the group so that he can become part of us
Sol: first I’m deleting all the past messages. Do not screenshott and do not archive anything

*All past messages have been deleted*

*Sol added Earth*

Earth: woah, Hey guys

Jupiter: Hey Earth, how are you doing?

Earth: I don’t know, everything hurts buy at least I have a moon

Jupiter: Good to know

Venus: hello neighbour 
Venus: how does it feel to be the youngest in the solar system?

Earth: Wait really? Thas nice

Uranus: Hey Earth mate

Earth: Hewoo

Venus: thats so cringe lol

Earth: stfu

Helios: who the fuck tuaghtr him to swear/?!!
Helios: wait a minute

Venus: …

Uranus: Hey @Earth, how’re you doing mate?
Uranus: also, thanks for taking away my record of youngest planet. It was annoying being babied

Earth: eh, idk
Earth: yoi’re welcome

Saturn: hey earth!!! (^^)

Earth: heeloo
Earth: i feel  sort of famous lol, whys everyone so interested in me?

Venus: …

Neptune: heeey guys, welcome back earth
Neptune: also weeres’ X? I need to talk to him

Earth: wdym “welcome back”? Im here for the first time lol
Earth: 🙃 
Earth: who’s rhis mysterious X? 

Uranus: hang on, Neptune’s right. I haven’t seen him in a while and I was hoping to invite him for painting

*@bluesky and @seaman have been muted for one hour*

Earth: whyd you do that

Jupiter: Don’t worry about it.

Earth: youre kinda weird ngl

Jupiter: What do you mean by that?

Earth: whys your grammar and speelng so good? Noboy types like you lol

Jupiter: I believe that it’s best to type with good grammar and spelling so that my intentions get conveyed across properly as it’s easy for people to misunderstand over text.

Earth: you keep proving my point 🙃 

Saturn: dont be mean to jove :(

Jupiter: It’s fine dear, he’s young.

Earth: wydm by dear? Are you two dating? 🤨

Pluto: yeah mate, it’s true

Jupiter: Hang on, Pluto never says mate. Who are you?

Pluto: keep guessing mate

Jupiter: Uranus? Why are you messaging from Pluto’s phone? I muted you for a reason.

Pluto: I stole his phone
Pluto: also, I shall never be silenced

Jupiter: Uranus, I did not expect this from you.

Saturn: reeturrn my phone youd dumasa

Jupiter: This is  uncharacteristic of Saturn. What is going on?

Saturn: how are you this oblivious
Saturn: I’m Pluto
Saturn: I stole Saturn’s phone, lol

Jupiter: What is wrong with both of you? Do you feel no shame in stealing? You are supposed to act as role models for the younger planets and show them the way. I am very disappointed in audfcvbtshr

Jupiter: pls return my phone pluto, :(
Jupiter: u arent being very nice

Venus: wtf is up with the gas giants

Mars: I just saw Saturn stealing Jupiter’s phone.

Venus: run away or else hell steal yours 💀 

Mars: Nah, he’s just there looking depressed

Mars: I’ll try to send a picture, hold on a min

Mars:

https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/954340977290793045/

Venus: pfft hahah
Venus: lol
Venus: true role models, now I know whos path to follow
Venus: 😂 😂 😂 

Earth: that emoji is so cringe

Venus: stfu, your even more cringe

Earth: it’s youre

Mars: Actually, it’s you’re

Earth: 🤓 ⬆️ 

Mars: You also corrected Venus, wtf?

Earth: woah guys, I got water
Earth: you and i look like twins veus, lol

Venus: you mispelled my name 😒

Mars: Stop changing the topic >:(

Mercury: wait, @earth, you have water?
Mercury: thats so cool omg
Mercury: i wish i had some 😩

Venus: was that a moaning face? Lol

Mercury: …

Venus: whatever
Venus: earth we can be twins!

Earth: omg yes! We can have life together

Mars: I too have water, we can be triplets.

Earth: no offense but youre very small
Earth: not even half my diamterer lol

Mars: You’re being mean for no reason

Earth: hey, I just said the truth. You are very small

Jupiter: Ignore him Mars, he’s young so give him time.

Mars: You got your phone back?

Jupiter: I had to bargain.

Saturn: ty jove for allowing me to use ur phone <3

Jupiter: You’re welcome.

Jupiter: So did Pluto get his phone back or not?

Pluto: yeah nah mate
Pluto: you should see how mad he is rn, it’s so funny

Venus: so glad I live in the inner solar system

Mars: They can be immature at times.

Earth: theyre freaks in the outer solar system

Pluto: hey!

Earth: not you and Saturn, yall are nice

Saturn: yaayy :D

Pluto: good choice mate

Earth: thats so ominous wtf, lol

Sol: @everyone, I’m locking you in your orbits to prevent any more disaster
Sol: I don't want to lose anymore planets

Earth: ?

~Gas giants gc~

*Sol created Gas giants gc*

*Jupiter, Saturn and two others were added*

Sol: JUPITER, what happened to planet X?

Jupiter: it’s nothing sun, I promise
Jupiter: He was just upset he was removed so he left the solar system

Saturn: its true, i was there

Uranus: what?

Sol: is that true?

Jupiter: I swear on my life, no other reason wouldve made him leave

Sol: AAAAUSGHUYGS
Sol: you’e all going tO  BE LOCEJD IN ORBIUT
Sol: WHY CANT I MANEFW. MY OIWN SOLARY SYSTSEM
Sol: YOUz czoUDLNYT HAVE. SRTOPPED HIM?

Saturn: he was going too fast

Sol: FINE

Jupiter: Look at the bright side, our orbits are much more stable now
Jupiter: Him leaving has benefitted the system, losing one planet has prevented the loss of many others.

Saturn: hes telling the truth sol

Sol: GOOD POTN BUT I CANT STAND TNIS
Sol: TO AVOUD LOSONFG ANYTING MORE YOURE ALL LOCKJED IN PLACE

Jupiter: We understand.

Helios: DO NOT MENTION THIS TO THE ROCKIES

Jupiter: Noted.

~Private chat between Jupiter and Saturn~

Jupiter: dear, i think he’s starting to catch on. Im so stressed

starturn45: just relax jove, we did a good job convincing him

Jupiter: i know but hes literally Sol, he can sense gravity and where we are

starturn45: poor you, u seem very stressed ≥≤
starturn45: but we did it for the right reason, we did nothing wrong

starturn45: do u want to video call or voice call rn?

Jupiter: voicecall

*starturn45 started a voice call*

*voicecall ended*

Jupiter: thanks so much, i feel much better

starturn45: yw ^^
starturn45: whenever u feel overwhelmed, u can always come to me. 
starturn45: u know that right?
starturn45: ilysm <3

Jupiter: ❤️ 

~Rocky planet gc~

*Sol created Rocky planet gc*

*Sol added Mercury, Venus and two others*

Sol: socialise here for now, im taking a break

Mercury: oh ok
Mercury: anyways howre you guys?

Venus: I was fine before pipsqueak showed up 😒 

Mercury: why do you have to be so meqn

Venus: idk, just because

Earth: hey guys, whats up

Venus: your ego

Earth: meanie 🥺

Mars: Ignore him earth, he’s just like that.

Earth: so small yet so mean

Venus: excuse me?

Earth: my diametere is like 12,756 km. And yours?

Venus: ugh, 12,104

Earth: see? Youre such a shortie 🥰 

Venus: it’s hardly a 600 km difference, wtf you on about?

Earth: hush, Im much bigger and cooler than you
Earth: at least I have a cool moon

Mercury: i feel like im third-wheeling here lol

Venus: shut up pipsqueak
Venus: it should be your name

Earth: we;re all admins so ig we can change each others names

Venus: wtf really?

*Venus changed Mercury to Pipsqueak*

Venus: huh, its that easy

Pipsqueak: wtf is wrong with you. Youre so mean

*Pipsqueak changed Venus to meanie*

meanie: really? Is that all you got?

*meanie changed Pipsueak to gayasstwink*

gayasstwink: stop being homophobic

meanie: youre the homophobe

gayasstwink: wut?

meanie: youre a homo who’s phobic to everything

gayasstwink: that was a weak statement

meanie: not as weak as you

*Mars muted @marvellousmercury and @weenus*

Mars: Finally, some peace.

Earth: those two never shut up lol

Mars: Hey Earth, do you play any games?

Earth: I play cardgames online

Mars: ooh, same here. I’ll add you
Mars: We can play together

Earth: yaayy!

~private chat between Uranus and Neptune~

Seaman: Cousin, pls stay in your orbit

Bluesky: yeah mate I know. I was there when Helios told us

Seaman: no, u dont undersand
Seaman: never come to my orbit
Seaman: im saving u that way

Bluesky: why’re you being so cryptic mate?

Seaman: its going to get you, pls be safe
Seaman: its not ur friend
Seaman: it will hurt you
Seaman: pls dont look for me

Bluesky: mate what?

Seaman: pls listen to me
Seaman: do noy speak to strange planets 
Seaman:leave me alone for now

*You have been blocked by @seaman*

~Private chat between Neptune and ❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎~

❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: Well well well my dear Poseidon, or shall I say, Neptune. How’s the going?
❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: I see that you’ve done such a valiant thing in protecting your cousin. Such a pity as his orbit is still far enough away from everyone.
❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: I hear your beloved star has locked all of you in your orbits.

Seaman: yes, pls dont hurt my cousin. He doens t desrerve it

❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: You don’t get to dictate what I do Neptune.
❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: I’ve been so nice to you from the start and yet you stay ungrateful.
❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: Since like the idiot you are, you obviously learnt nothing from the last time.
❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: No matter, we have all the remaining time in the universe now. I’m going to make sure you know your place from now on.
❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: See you soon 😜

You have been noticed, good luck 

Chapter Text

~Solar system gc~

Earth: hey @bluesky, I have a question 

Uranus: sure mate, go ahead

Earth: how come despite being an ice giant your so young?

Uranus: …
Uranus: uh

Saturn: I think its best u lay off Earth

Uranus: oh no, I dont mind him asking
Uranus: its a sensitive topic for me 
Uranus: but I can try explaining if you want

Earth: oh, im sorry. I didnt know

Uranus: its fine mate

Earth: im sorry for asking you such a question, you dont have to answer

Uranus: its fine mate.
Uranus: i appreciate that, thank you

Earth: so uh youre an artist right?

Uranus: yeah!

Earth: do you take commissions?

Uranus: I mean, yeah but from exoplanets usually
Uranus: I’ve never taken commissions from anyone in this solar system before
Uranus: and anyways, my art can be a bit shoddy at times.
Uranus: especially because my reference books have been taken away 😒

Saturn: those werent appropriate for ur age ><

Uranus: it was for art and research purposes 

Saturn: ive heard that excuse before -_-

Uranus: oh ffs

Saturn: language! 

Uranus: Im NOt a protoplanet, you can’t Just baby me like that

Jupiter: That’s no way to talk to a fellow planet. Apologise

Uranus: I wont. 
Uranus: what do you guys even think of me?
Uranus: if only X and Neptune were here 
Uranus: they were the only ones who ever got me

Jupiter: Do not mention that name ever again

*@bluesky has been muted for one hour*

~Rocky planet gc~

Weenus: do the gas giants even have their own group? They could fight there 😒
Weenus: it clogs up my notifications   

Mars: They do but they don’t use it much for some reason.
Mars: I swear, the only thing we use the groups for is fighting

Weenus: its’ so fun fighting 

Pipsqueak: its really not :(
Pipsqueak: its just mean

Weenus: stfu, did I ask you?
Weenus: kys

Pipsqueak: 😢

Mars: wtf? Watch your language
Mars: You can’t say stuff like that

Weenus: what? You guys can’t take a joke?

Mars: Considering what just happened that was a terrible joke.
Mars: You of all planets should’ve known better

Weenus: whatever idc

Pipsqueak: why do we keep fighting? D:

Earth: shut up @everyone, ive done something brilliant
Earth: I have developed life

Pipsqueak: omg omg omg

Weenus: wtf? You actually did it!?
Weenus: like actually, actually developed life?

Mars: That’s so exciting, congratulations!

Weenus: no way though, how???
Weenus: weve been at it for so long

Pipsqueak: you have to tell Sol!!
Pipsqueak: thats like actually so cool
Pipsqueak: i wish i had water

Weenus: stfu, this isn’t about you

Mars: Language!

Weenus: why do you care about it now?
Weenus: whatever
Weenus: congratulations Earth, this is a first

Earth: omg thank you so much!
Earth: I couldn’tve done it without Sol, you guys and my moon
Earth: should I tell everyone in the main group?

Mars: Yes! You have to

Weenus: if you dont then we will

Earth: omg okay, I’ll tell them like now

~ ————————————————————————————————————~

Venus glanced away from the screen and gazed into the empty void that lay before him, not really looking at anything. He was happy for Earth, why wouldn’t he be? ; after all, developing life had been nearly impossible for him given everything he had gone through. 

And yet, there was still this sinking feeling in his core that came with Earth’s announcement. He was running out of time - fast.

 If nothing changed in the next few million years then Venus would become a cosmic failure of a planet. Unable to develop and sustain life despite having a significant head start. 

At least he wasn’t like Mercury who never even had a chance to begin with. Too small. Too close to the sun. No atmosphere to protect his surface.

 The universe had given Venus everything he needed to develop life; the resources, the conditions. Despite all this, he failed to do what Earth had almost effortlessly accomplished.

 Earth’s announcement caused a spark of jealousy to flicker to life from within his core. He tried desperately to bury it under the layers of his guilt but success was something that never came to him. Jealousy never did anyone good, Venus knew that,  yet he could not quell the flames that enveloped his core. The jealousy in him burnt as hot as his soon to be atmosphere; it just wasn’t fair that someone like Earth got life so easily, almost as though it was handed directly to him, while Venus had been struggling for so long.

It was so ironic considering the fact that their mass, composition and size was so similar and yet, their trajectories couldn’t have been any more different.

His phone buzzed with a notification which snapped him out of his thoughts, a mention. How nice.

He mentally shook himself and opened the chat with the flames of jealousy still licking at his core

~————————————————————————————————————~

~Solar system gc~

Earth: @everyone, I have good news. I have developed life

Jupiter: That is wonderful news, congratulations Earth!

Sol: AJHfgFGD, That is amazing. Finally

Saturn: congrats! what kind of life?

Earth: hard to explain, its like a really tiny thing. You cant see it exactly
Earth: like you know carbon? Its mostly made of that 
Earth: theres also some water, hydrogen, oxygen and other stuff
Earth: I think its around 0.1-0.5 micro meters in diameter?
Earth: its like very small but idc, I’m so happy
Earth: my very first earthling 🥰 

Sol: Congratulations Earth, despite everything you did it!
Sol: we’re so proud of you Earth
Sol: Now you must stay in your orbit or else the life may die

Earth: okay Mr Sol!
Earth: I can’t express my happiness omg, like I did it!

Sol: Now I can brag to all the others
Sol: I’m one of the first to have confirmed life in my solar system!

Earth: who’s “the others”?

Sol: other stars. 

Earth: wait, there’s other stars?

Sol: well, yes
Sol: Theyve been trying for so long but their planets could never develop life
Sol: I think my neighbour Proxima Centauri has been trying for billions of years. 
Sol: she’s a red dwarf. Her flares were so intense that it vaporised the atmosphere of her planets and theyre also tidally locked to her.
Sol: Poor star, it’s not like she can control that
Sol: There’s also stars like Zeta Ophiuchi, Regulus and Sirius who never had a chance. Theyre too hot and sadly they die young

Earth: oh, damn
Earth: that’s really sad, i feel bad for them :(
Earth: so are you the only star to support life?

Sol: there’s actually more stars like me who can support life. Im a type G star which means that most stars like me are considered main sequence stars 

Earth: whats main sequence stars? Im sorry, i'm just getting confused

Jupiter: It means that stars like him fuse hydrogen to helium in their cores which generates energy.
Jupiter: G type stars are of a lower mass compared to type O, B, A and F which means that they go through their fuel less slowly as they don’t have to fight their own gravity which allows them to live longer. This in turn allows them to stay in main sequence for longer which gives their planets more time to develop life.

Earth: ooh •o•
Earth: also when did you join here, how do you know so much? Lol

Jupiter: I was reading through the notifications. I know all this because Sol used to lecture me and Saturn a lot back when it was just us.

Earth: coolio
Earth: Sol, do you know any others who can support life?

Sol: I think there’s Rigil Kentaurus and Toliman who are my neighbours. They belong to the Alpha Centauri system but i hate those bastards. Hope they and their planets fall into a blackhole

Jupiter: That is unnecessarily mean Sol. 

Sol: theyre just awful

Earth: i think there’s some drama going on 
Earth: spill the tea

Sol: Terra, with all due respect, what is”tea”? 

Earth: who tf is terra?
Earth: Idk what tea means.
Earth: whats going on between you and your neighbors?

Sol: It’s none of your business. 
Sol: Go offline and take care of your earthlings or whatever

Earth: kay, so rude 😔

Chapter Text

~Private chat between Mars and Jupiter~

Mars: i’m happy for Earth, genuinely. He did work hard
Mars: but i’m just upset
Mars: i dont even know why, hes happy, everyone is but im not?
Mars: maybe im just jealous and a bad friend

Jupiter: Don’t say that Mars, you’re not a bad friend. It’s okay to feel insecure when your friend achieves more than you.
Jupiter: As long as you’re nice with them and aren’t too jealous, it’s fine to once in a while feel bad but you shouldn’t let it consume you.

Mars：no,you dont get it

Mars: i was one of the first to form
Mars: i was the first rocky to cool
Mars: i was one of the first to get water
Mars: i shouldve worked harder 
Mars: i couldve been the first to have life
Mars: im out of time, my core is cooling, my magnetosphere is dying

Mars: hello?
Mars: Jupiter, are you still there?

Mars: sorry for ranting

Jupiter: Oh, I’m so sorry Mars. I was busy with stuff.

Jupiter: You don’t have to be sorry, you have every right to rant.
Jupiter: Consider it this way, it’s rare to have water and an atmosphere. You’re lucky to have gotten the privilege of having both during a part of your life
Jupiter: Mercury never had the opportunity to get either of them, think of how he must be feeling looking at you guys. You should be grateful to have had those at least once in your life.

~Solar System gc~

Pluto: hey guys, I’m finally back. 
Pluto: I seem to have missed a lot lol
Pluto: congrats Earth! Hope your earthlings live long

Earth: omg tysm!

Uranus: hey Pluto, it’s been a while. How’ve you been?

Pluto: go away! You stole my phone 

Uranus: yeah mate, sorry about that ig

Pluto: you're not even actually sorry -_-

Earth: I feel like I'm third wheeling here lol

Pluto: shut 

Uranus: now you’re just being rude for no reason
Uranus: can’t you let it go? It was just one time

Saturn: pls stop fighting ( ´△｀)
Saturn: if u hv to fight pls message each other privately, it clogs up our notifications 

Earth: for once I agree with him lol. 
Earth: don’t you guys have your own group to fight in?

Pluto: I thought this was the only group?

Earth: there’s a rocky planets group and ig one for the outer planets?

Pluto: WAIT, ONE FOR OUTER PLANETS? AND I WASN’T INVITED?
Pluto: @Sol, WDYM THERE’S A GROUP I’M NOT PART OF???!!

Sol: It’s a gas giants gc
Sol: You have misunderstood

Pluto: then invite me to the rocky planets group >:[

Sol: Your composition is mostly ice so you’re not a rocky planet

Pluto: I HAVE A ROCKY CORE

Sol: I don’t like your attitude
Sol: Your core is probably as icy as you

Earth: sick burn 🔥 

Sol: No, it’s sick freeze 🥶 

Earth: hell yea 🥶 

Pluto: you guys are just insulting me at this point :(

Uranus: join the icy planets club 

Pluto: no thanks. Not with YOU in it. Nu uh

Uranus: Neptune is part of it

Pluto: I’ll join but I won’t talk to you 😤 

Earth: why do all the pipsqueaks have so much attitude lol
Earth: like chill, you might as well be a moon

Uranus: why have you been lurking in the chat?
Uranus: I could say the same about you

Pluto: you have an ugly soul
Pluto: may Sag A* spaghettify your ugly self
Pluto: that was directed towards Earth btw

Uranus: wtf, that's such a weird threat

Saturn: i think joves oldest moons and my titan are bigger than mercury

Uranus: when did you come on?

Uranus: besides, I know a few exoplanets and theyve got moons that are much bigger than the ones in this solar system
Uranus: I think Kepler 1708b might have one that’s larger than you Earth.
Uranus: Don’t get too cocky about your size Earth, everyone in our solar system is smaller than average

Saturn: its true, i remember we met b centauri (ab)b once 
Saturn: he was around 11 times larger than jupiter O.O’

Jupiter: Do not remind me of that. I still get nightmares 

Earth: why do the gas giants keep lurking in the chat lol?
Earth: Also wdym you guys met an exoplanet?

Saturn: oh, sol used to go and meet other stars before u guys were created. we would go with him and meet their planets
Saturn: he stopped visiting them as it got too hard once u guys formed

Jupiter: I will never visit other star systems again. Their planets are just too big, I look so tiny compared to them. 

Saturn: its okay jove, we arent visiting them again
Saturn: and anyways, earths life will make it difficult to go around

Earth: you’re welcome Jupiter

Pluto: sorry for butting in like this but @Sol, I notice that some other planets haven’t been added. 

Earth: there’s others?

Pluto: most from the Kuiper belt havent been added and they say there’s more beyond

Sol: hmm, you’re right Pluto. Why don’t you add them?

*Pluto added Eris, Makemake and 5 others*

Pluto: welcome to the group guys

Eris: whatever, i didnt ask for this but thanks

Makemake: this is fascinating, i’m finally going to meet all the other planets. And oh Sag A*, does Earth really have life?

Haumea: calm down makemake, your scaring him :(

Gonggong: oo, a gc!
Gonggong: hey guys :3

Orcus: Fuck everyone and fuck pluto

Quaoar: Behave guys, we have to make a good impression

Orcus: Why don’t you shut the fuck up and kys

Venus: I have been summoned. Who used my fav phrase?

Pluto: you guys need to be better :/

Venus: stfu kys

Orcus: I like this planet.

Pluto: I like neither of you wtf

*Sol muted @weenis and @f*ckpluto*

Sol: Why is it so hard for you guys to stay pure and modest?

Sedna: i cant believe that’s Orcus’ handle
Sedna: why does he hate Pluto so much?

Pluto: hey Sedna! How’re you?
Pluto: idk why he hates me, it feels so childish

Sedna: oh, im fine actually. Thanks for asking

Quaoar: He calls himself “anti Pluto” but I’m not sure why.

Makemake: oh, i think i know why
Makemake: you both are actually very similar
Makemake: you both have moons so large that the barycentre between you and your moon exists outside of you so you technically orbit each other

Gonggong: wats barycentr 

Makemake: do you know abt centre of mass? When two or more bodies orbit each other then theres a point where the mass of the bodies is concentrated and the bodies actually orbit around it. That point is called barycentre
Makemake: if a less massive body orbits a more massive one then the barycentre is inside the massive body. In case of Pluto and Charon, Charon is so massive that the barycentre is outside Pluto so they both orbit each other technically. The same thing is true with Orcus and Vanth

Gonggong: tank yu 

Pluto: all this is cool but why is Orcus anti-me?

Makemake: oh im so sorry, i got carried away
Makemake: besides the moon thing, you both have the same orbital resonance with Neptune which is 2:3. It basically means that for every 2 revolutions Neptune makes around Sol, you guys make 3

Pluto: oh thats actually neat. But this is just reasons why we’re similar?

Makemake: okay okay so the real reason Orcus is anti-you is because when he reaches aphelion you reach perihelion
Makemake: basically when he is at his farthest from Sol you are at your closest so you guys are always opposite to each other

Pluto: all this drama over such a petty reason?

Makemake: pretty much. So interesting right?

Earth: 🤓 ⬆️ 
Earth: and I thought Jupiter was worse 

Pluto: why the fuck do all of you lurk?

Makemake: you may want to retract your statement Earth. That was unecessary

Earth: *unnecessary
Earth: for being such a nerd I thought youd know how to spell lol

Makemake: *For, you forgot a comma, *you’d, and you forgot a period.
Makemake: for someone who seems to care about spelling and grammar so much you’re bad at it yourself
Makemake: im logging off, bye

Earth: what’s up with him lol?

Pluto: I’m also leaving, bye

Earth: wtf is up with everyone today lol? 
Earth: anyone else wanna talk rn?

*Neptune left the group*

~————————————————————————————————————-~

Neptune had always been somewhat of a loner but his isolation had been deepening in ways long before his orbit shifted. His erratic thoughts, the way his eyes avoided theirs, and his strange yet seemingly optimistic personality made him an object of curiosity to most of the planets. He would at times come off as overly naïve, to the point where he was often dismissed by the others. The truth was that nobody could even comprehend how much he really knew but kept quiet about.

 The only ones who kept him company in this cold, dark part of the universe were Uranus, X and Pluto. They eventually faded away, one by one, along with the continuously diminishing light of Sol. 

Pluto disappeared into the abyss, went full radio silent, hadn’t bothered to keep up with anyone for a few million years. X’s orbit was too far away, he mostly preferred to be alone or annoy the gas giants. His only lifeline that allowed him to cling onto sanity was Uranus who countered his isolation but even that was severed with Helios locking them in orbit after the untimely demise of Theia. 

Neptune was as good as alone at this point until things changed.

Something had shifted during one of the most isolated parts of his orbit, a point so far away from the others that Helios himself appeared about as bright as all of the far away stars that dotted the sky. A strange new source of gravity appeared. Something foreign but felt oh so familiar. As though it had always been there waiting to be remembered.

 From whatever dim light was available, it was shown to be an ancient planet with a surface that was oddly scarred yet worn by the passage of time.

The Iris; said that it was a rogue planet cast out of its system, doomed to forever wander the abyss between the stars. After much travel, it came across our solar system to rest before eventually departing. The Iris swore Neptune to secrecy. A promise to never tell anyone about its presence. A promise foolishly kept. 

And thus began the twisted bond between Neptune and The Iris; a bond forged in one of the emptiest, darkest abscises of the universe. One that would eventually haunt Neptune in ways he couldn’t begin to comprehend yet.

Chapter Text

~Milky Way gc~

Aldebaran: anyone wanna bet how long before methuselah goes supernova?

Toliman: long before I complete my orbit around the galaxy, thats for sure
Toliman: I give him half the time it takes to complete it

Proxima: You have no faith.
Proxima: @bright.stalker, Knowing him, probably after the universe dies

Toliman: youre just exagerating
Toliman: im concerned thats your @ aldebaran

Aldebaran: i mean, shes not wrong :/
Aldebaran: some say hes older than the universe
Aldebaran: i agree w some
Aldebaran: my @ isnt important, leave it

Toliman: thats nonsense

SGR 0525−66: its true mates. He was there before i was born

Rigil Kentaurus: we’re all older than you. All of us were there before. What in the milky way are you on about?

SGR 0525−66: shut. Im literally dying

Toliman: we warned you about gaining that mass -_-

SGR 0525−66: woe is me, none of my mates care. Oh cruel cruel universe, why have i been bestowed with the fate of living with such stars with cores as cold as you?
SGR 0525−66: also, oi mate, you shaming me for my mass?

Rigil Kentaurus: my surface is 5,790K so my core is hotter than the universe who is ~3K and nobody is shaming you. Your mass is the reason you’re dying

Toliman: idiot, he means figuritveky

Rigil Kentaurus: did you mean “figuratively”?

Proxima: I’m impressed Toliman has that much vocabulary. Congrats

Toliman: stfu all of you
Toliman: I have had it, im leaving the galaxy

Reader: Toliman all alone ahh arc

Toliman: wtf was that?

Proxima: What are you replying to? There’s no message there

Toliman: oh so your gasliting me?

Rigil Kentaurus: did you mean Gaslighting?

Toliman: fuck all of you

Proxima: Alright, who taught him the fuck word?

Aldebaran: you guys literally live next to each other, why r you arguing in the gc?

SGR 0525-66: “the fuck word” XD

Toliman: they are ugly af. Cant stand looking at them and their horribel faces

Proxima: Look at yourself first
Proxima: I prefer to keep my distance from them, nothing they say makes sense

Rigil Kentaurus: they mock me irl

Aldebaran: you guys really do have issues then

SGR 0525−66: imbeciles the whole lot of them

Methuselah: y do u guys want me to die :(

SGR 0525-66: it’s him •o•

Aldebaran: all hail the wise one
Aldebaran: how old are you?

Methuselah: i do not talk to stars who wish for my death. Fare thee well

Proxima: Great, now hes gone offline

SGR 0525−66: good going aldebaran
SGR 0525−66: now he'll think twice before talking to us

Aldebaran: well forgive me for being curious
Aldebaran: hes so old hes bound to go supernova soon

Proxima: If it weren’t for Sag A* I'd’ve left this group a long time ago, you guys all suck.

SGR 0525−66: in all my life in this cruel universe, I’ve never seen anyone use “I’d’ve”

Toliman: y’all’d’ve’f’i’d’ve ahh contracttiob

Rigil Kentaurus: did you mean “Contraction”?

Toliman: youre more annoying than that browser ekstenison who corrects my grammer

Rigil Kentaurus: *You’re *extension *grammar.

Toliman: affgsahgfaklkf

*@XrayAlpha has left the group*

Proxima: The council is going to be after him lol

Rigil Kentaurus: why did he leave?

SGR 0525−66: hmm, i dont know. Maybe because you were being a pretentious twat?

*@S06 added @XrayAlpha to the group*

S06: One more incident and I’ll have no choice but to inform Sagittarius A* and discuss the course of action needed to be taken by the Council.

Proxima: ‘k

Sol: hey guys
Sol: oops, wrong timing 😬
Sol: but I have important news @everyone. My solar system has confirmed life

Toliman: wooow, im sooo happy for you. Congratss

Proxima: I’ve never seen such sarcasm before 😐
Proxima: But congratulations Helios! How many planets?

Sol: only one so far. He’s the third one from me

Arcturus: WHO TF PINGED EVERYONE????
Arcturus: oh, congrats Sol. Hope it doesnt die

Aldebaran: good job helios 👍
Aldebaran: make sure it doesnt die

Barnard’s Star: good wishes chap, don’t let it die

SGR 0525−66: congratulations young lad

Sol: you’re younger than all of us, don’t “lad” me
Sol: but thank you
Sol: thank you everyone for your kind wishes

S06: Congratulations Helios. On behalf of The Council, congratulations. We shall discuss this matter and get back to you soon in order to determine what to do next.

~————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-~

Uranus’ Diary Entry

~————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-~

Solar system gc

Charon: @makemakemehappy did yuo just call me FAT??!!

Makemake: what

Charon: dont lie, ive been reading all the past messages. You told Pluto I was FAT

Makemake: i’m so sorry, i was just explaining how you and Pluto orbit each other because of your mass. You’re 12% of Pluto’s mass so the barycentre is outside of Pluto. I didn’t mean to offend you but i’m so sorry

Charon: hmph, you got lucky this time

Makemake: thanks i guess
Makemake: also, i’m just curious but who added you to this group? I mean, you’re a moon and this is a planet gc

Charon: seriously? Its called the solar system gc not planets gc :|

Pluto: I added her a while back because she threatened to steal my phone

Charon: i also threatened to knock him off his axis even more. >:3

Pluto: you didnt have to tell that in this group :(

Makemake: wait, you have an extreme axial tilt? How much?

Pluto: I won’t say, too much has been revealed

Charon: it’s 120°

Pluto: wtf Charon 😕

Makemake: that’s so interesting
Makemake: why’d you keep that a secret from us?

Pluto: what do you think? It’s just another thing to add to my long list of flaws

Makemake: it’s not a bad thing. Even Uranus and Venus have extreme tilts

Pluto: tf you mean Venus has an extreme tilt? He looks normal

Makemake: so he didn’t tell you guys he has a 177.36° axial tilt?

Pluto: no wait
Pluto: hold on
Pluto: didn’t he have a 2° tilt?
Pluto: am i misremembering something?

Makemake: calm down Pluto, calm down
Makemake: you’re not wrong in saying his axial tilt is 2.64° but the reason we say it’s 177.36° is because he actually revolved about his own axis backwards which means he spins retrograde
Makemake: basically he’s upside down

Pluto: upside down?!

Earth: what

Mars: …

Saturn: （・□・；）

Pluto: do all of you have to lurk???

Earth: what else should I do when this device gets so many pings every moment?

Mars: Yeah, I agree with Earth

Pluto: and what's your excuse Saturn?

Saturn: im just bored ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

Earth: okay, shut up everyone. Spill the tea abt Venis

Makemake: i thought at least the inner planets knew? But anyways, unlike all of you he and Uranus revolve clockwise about their axis. Venus however rotates very very slowly. He rotates so slow that one day on him is more than his one year

Earth: wtf how?

Makemake: if i remember correctly, his one day is 225 of yours and his year is 243 of your days. His day is 1.08x longer than his year

Earth: hang on, Ive listened to too many of Jupiters lectures and he said that slow rotation leads to weaker internal magnetic field
Earth: and Venus is trying to have life?

Makemake: this is something personal for him i feel. Ask him about it directly.
Makemake: i regret sharing all of this. I’m so sorry Venus
Makemake: im leaving, bye

Earth: noo, don’t leave :(

Pluto: lay off it for now
Pluto: anyone want to change the subject?

Jupiter: Hello everyone

Pluto: oh thank the stars

Earth: youre not lurking too 😭

Jupiter: What? No, I just have to ask @Sol something

Sol: What is it Jupiter?

Jupiter: I was just wondering if us gas giants could allow our moons to leave their orbits as they’re just moons

Sol: Any reason?

Jupiter: It’s just that I’m concerned for one of my moons Io. He’s a major moon and the poor guy is the closest major moon to me so he’s unfortunately affected by my tidal forces.

Sol: All moons are affected by tidal forces 🙃

Jupiter: You don’t understand, he and 2 of my other moons, Ganymede and Europa are in an orbital resonance. The resonance between Ganymede, Europa and Io is 1:2:4 and it combined with my tidal forces are heating his core a lot. He’s probably the most geologically active moon in the solar system.
Jupiter: It breaks my core to see him suffer so much. If I could let him out of his orbit for a while then maybe he’d feel some respite and he wouldn’t have to suffer this much.

Sol: You make a compelling point but I’ll have to think about it

Jupiter: Oh, alright Sol. Take all the time you need
Jupiter: I think I’m going to log off for now but please do think about it as the moons do have very little gravity compared to us so them being out of their orbits won’t do any harm.

Sol: Alright then. Unless anyone else wants something I’m also logging off.

Earth: these nerds literally suck the fun out of these chats :/

Mars: Don’t pretend like you don’t spam me with random facts whenever you feel like it 🙂

Pluto: exposed 🤨📸
Pluto: so Earth really is a nerd

Earth: noo, shut uo
Earth: i cant help sending him stuff thats interesting :(

Saturn: u remind me alot abt me and jove back when we were young
Saturn: he used to always talk abt his fav things and id always listen even tho i didnt understand sometimes

Earth: okay, yall have like such an amazing relationship. Im like so jealous rn

Saturn: aww, dw earth
Saturn: im sure u will find someone eventually <3

Earth: thank you Saturn :D
Earth: I think Ill log off as Im going to blow up Mars phone with so many facts >:]

Mars: I’m going to cleanse my phone to prepare for that, bye guys.

Venus: this damn phone won’t stop buzzing so now I finally look at the messages

Venus: fuck everyone, esp that makemake. There was literally no need to say any of that in this group
Venus: when i get to you, ill make sure you resemble nothing more than the pathetic planetesimal that formed you. Ill kidnap your moon and force it to watch your dismemberment and the shattering of your core
Venus: [This Message Has Been Removed]
Venus: [This Message Has Been Removed]

*@weenis has been muted for one hour*

Chapter Text

Saturn: j-j-jupiter san 🥺

Jupiter: Yes baby?

Saturn: *blushes and looks down* y-you o-owe me more child support 👉👈
Saturn: i-i have 128 new children *blushes deeper*

Jupiter: Well babe, you should’ve thought of that when I asked to pull out

Uranus: Yooo, Get dunked on Slut-turn

Saturn: b-baka! 😩

Jupiter: Anus man, how dare you dunk on my bitch? You and me, tomorrow at the Kuiper Belt

Uranus: let’s go mate, i’ll take you on as i’m the alpha 🐺

Jupiter: No, I am the true alpha, I got a bitch for all my needs. You get none you beta cuck

Uranus: fuck

Jupiter: Something you’ve never done

Makemake: wdym alpha and beta? The radiations?

Uranus: the number of planets who care 🤏

Jupiter: Fucking nerd gets no hoes and it shows

Uranus: 🔥🔥🔥

Saturn: jupiter san, youre so amazing! *giggles and blushes* //OwO//

Earth: sup babes

Makemake: what?

Saturn: i-i think y-you mean ‘nani’

Earth: fucking noob has no idea how the solar system works

Mars: hey pookies

Earth: wassup bbg, come to my orbit 😘

Mars: what about your moon

Earth: moons aren’t sentient silly

Charon: omae wa mou shindeiru

Earth: what
Earth: aeughrwguijiwg

Earth: Hey @mars, come to the asteroid belt 😘

Venus: hey mars, wanna be my hoe? You can do better than earth

Earth: keep your dirty hands off my girl you perv

Venus: oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it? Cry?

Earth: I will ravage you Venussy

Venus: ayoo bro, what 💀

Mars: @terra-fic, pookie are you cheating on me 🥺?

Earth: oms no bbg, you’re my one and only

Mars: so sweet pookie, i forgive you <3

Neptune: we hvae to leabe, the govenment is after me

Pluto: fuck, theyre sfter me too. I shouldnt have listened to charon
Pluto: i comityed tax fraud ebacsue she told me it was cool

Makemake: hang on, what is going on here? Why is everyone so weird?

Neptune: thsi is not a dril,they foidn my stash. My crack! Is gtone 😭

Makemake: ahh, i get it. I guess i’ll have to wait for this to blow over

Eris: I have come on just to tell all of you that you suck and deserve to die ♥️

Saturn: 😭

Jupiter: How dare you insult me and my hoe?

Earth: *my hoe and I
Earth: get your grammar right big guy

Jupiter: You and I, Asteroid belt, now!

Earth: what are we going to do in the Asteroid belt alone? 😳

Venus: ayo 💀

Uranus: get dunked on Judicker! 🔥

Jupiter: stfu anus

Jupiter: I scared him off with my alphaness 🐺, hoes now offline

Saturn: y-your so cool jupiter-san //0w0//

Pluto: guys, stop gushing, we need to move solar syetms

Neptune: this iinst a joke, we hvae to go undercover

Makemake: @SunsationalSol are you aware that the planets in your solar system are on crack?

Sol: [insert picture of sol as lets be honest, he’s always on something]
Sol: fucking loser thinks I gaf about drugs
Sol: I’m on it all the time to cope with the pain haeghaehæfehq

Makemake: oms, so i have to manage everyone till things become normal
Makemake: at least the ones in the kuiper belt are normal

Sedna: omfs, i cant stop crying. Do you gyus hate me thsta much? Am i juzt something you discsard like a used battery

Quaoar: Frankly my dear, none of us give a damn about you.

Venus: who tf even are u lol

Pluto: the feds are almost here

Orcus: kys

Sedna: thanks orcass <3

Orcus: fucking idiot can’t spell my name correctly lol

Makemake: Am i seriously the only sane one?

Eris: dont worry, i also have no idea whats happening

Mars: Earth, please come to my orbit. I’m so wet rn 💦
Mars: my surface is literally melting thinking of you, im literally bursting

Makemake: f**k, wheres the mute button? This goes against the rules of the chat, I thought being h*rny is not allowed

Earth: lmao, the fact that this cuck literally censors words 💀
Earth: I’m going to touch you @makemakemehappy 🖐️

Mars: You’re cheating pookie 🥺

Earth: I never said you cant join us 😉

Mars: 😏

Makemake: uh, i think ill visit proxima centauri’s system, bye

FBI: Everyone freeze. We have a search warrant for Neptune and Pluto who are wanted for possessing crack and committing tax fraud respectively.

Venus: who tf are you guys?

Orcus: fbi stands for fucking bitchass idiots. Let’s bully them

Neptune: agehgb8wkw

Pluto: It was not nice knowing you guys, goodbye.

*@princeofdarkness left the group*

Orcus: nooo, now how can I remind him how much he deserves to die?

Quaoar: You can always greet him with a chokeslam.

Orcus: aight, I’m doing that. I never knew Quaoar had some sense somewhere deep in his core
Orcus: goodbye, I’m going to greet pluto 🥰

Charon: hi orcus

Orcus: I have no time for bitchass moons of bitchass planets

Charon: I know what you are 🤨

Orcus: what the fuck, who told you?
Orcus: what I meant to say was that I’m not a furry and the fursuit wasnt mine

Charon: bitch, I was calling you a boykisser
Charon: why are you so obsessed with my Pluto?
Charon: I see you from afar wishing you could get the same action as us

Orcus: no nonono, it’s not true I swear to sol
Orcus: I just hate pluto so much really
Orcus: sometimes i find his voice so annoying that i wish to shut him up by uh

Charon: 🤨

Orcus: no homo, im normal not gay

Saturn: c-c-congrats on c-coming out ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Earth: oms there’s a literal homophone in our solar system. Wdym your normal?

Uranus: *homophobe

Earth: join the Kuiper orgy w/ judicker and i 😉 @bluesky

Uranus: fuck no

Venus: how tf you manage to be homophobic when all the planets are gay guys?

Sedna: …

Venus: ngl, i have no idea who tf you are lmao

Eris: don’t worry, she’s a girlkisser

Venus: how do u know 💀

Eris: first of all, fuck you for using that emoji
Eris: secondly, i am not a kisser unlike what you dumbasses think. I hate everyone equally
Eris: third, i saw her wattpad and ao3 history so yeah

Sedna: omfs, does nobody respect me and my privacy

Venus: fuck no
Venus: how many girls you bagged?

Sedna: nobody :(

Venus: you’re really putting the l in lgbt lmao

Mercury: greetings to my sluts, bitches and hoes

Venus: oms mercury-san, i want to bear all your children

Mercury: stfu bitch, that privilege is granted to my main hoe
Mercury: i will have to punish you for stepping out of line
Mercury: come to my orbit now

Mars: i also wanna come

Earth: pls, i need to come

Jupiter: Let me and my bitch please come

Uranus: i desire you carnally

Mercury: @everyone, whoever wanna have some ‘fun’, hop by my orbit 😜

Makemake: what in the universe is happening?

Eris: i thought you left the solar system, what a disappointment

Makemake: of course i did, im just messaging from proxima’s system
Makemake: proxima d wishes to convey her greetings to you guys by the way
Makemake: and will someone explain whats going on with Mercury?

Eris: don’t you know? Legend has it that on the first day of 4th month of earths year, a planet by the name pimp mercury arises who restores bliss to all in the solar system

Makemake: i’m almost afraid to ask, how does he restore bliss?

Eris: by fucking them you dumb planet

Eris: just saying but things wont go back to normal until the end of the day so yeah

Makemake: f***k it, if you can't beat them, join them
Makemake: i’m coming too guys, hold on

Eris: and this is why you don’t do drugs kids

Chapter Text

~Private chat with Mars and Venus~

Weenis: you do know we have to tell him right?
Weenis: its his right to know, we cant keep it from him forever
Weenis: by not telling him we’re going to disrespect the memory of poor Theia
Weenis: and you know how earth is, he’s going to have questions about himself eventually
Weenis: if we don’t tell him anything now we’re going to hurt him in the name of protection 
Weenis: how are you okay with knowing all of this and yet still choose to do nothing?

Mars: Venus, I think it’s best we tell him later or perhaps the right thing would be not to tell him at all.
Mars: Think about it for a minute, things are stable right now, he has a nice moon and he’s managed to develop life
Mars: Lets not complicate things by reopening old wounds

Weenis: let me know when it backfires into your face
Weenis: thats not our decision to make for him wtf
Weenis: what would Theia think if she could see this, you of all planets acting like a damn coward

Mars: Well I have news for you, she’s not here. She won’t be able to see this and no doubt she won’t think anything.
Mars: When Sol and the others haven’t said anything yet, then why should we? Let’s just keep things simple
Mars: I’m sticking to my choice, you have no other option here Venus 🙃

Weenis: fuck you Mars, fuck you

~Solar system gc~

Earth: hey guys, wanna know something cool?

Mercury: ooh what is it?

Earth: isn’t it kinda funny how the universe can end at literally any moment

Mercury: wait, wait, wait
Mercury: @Zeus, please tell me earth is wrong, i dont want to die

Jupiter: Hey guys, sorry Mercury but Earth is right.
Jupiter: Earth, you’re referring to vacuum decay right?

Earth: yep! Just imagine a bubble of death literally expanding destroying everything it touches

Mars: Did you just take in too much cosmic dust again, that sounds ridiculous.

Jupiter: Is Earth taking cosmic dust? Trust me when I say that it’s not good for you. I’ve seen its effects before

Earth: oms it’s not that serious, relax. Its a joke nobodys taking anything

Mercury: what do you mean the universe will end at any moment

Venus: yeah earth, explain yourself

Earth: oms Venus, I did not think you were a lurker wtf

Earth: as I was saying before someone changed the conversation -_-
Earth: it turns out that there’s this thingy called a higgs field and it creates this particle called higgs boson
Earth: and it gives particles mass by interacting with them 
Earth: and all fields in the universe including the higgs field have some set energy level which should be as low as possible. I think its called ground state idk
Earth: and all the other fields have their ground state set at zero but the higgs field doesnt for some reason.
Earth: so I was sort of wondering, what if the higgs field ground state is actually lower than the current level its at?

Jupiter: Then that would mean the Higgs field is in what’s called a false vacuum. The field may be metastable but not at the lowest possible energy state.

Mercury: you guys are confusing me, i dont understand anything

Jupiter: Sorry. Alright then, here’s an analogy. Imagine the universe to be made of mountains and valleys and let’s pretend the Higgs field is a ball that lies in one of the valleys. Following along so far?

Mercury: yeah

Jupiter: In an ideal scenario, the valley of the Higgs field would be at the lowest possible elevation so it should have the least possible energy.

Mercury: true

Jupiter: But if the field were in a false vacuum, we can assume that the valley of the ball is actually a hanging valley and there’s actually a valley below that is at the true lowest elevation. This means the ball actually has a lot of potential energy
Jupiter: So if due to some event like quantum tunneling or a blackhole exploding, the ball may be able to overcome the barrier and fall down into the true valley thereby reaching its true ground state. That’s a problem as this releases a lot of energy which causes a bubble containing the true vacuum to expand at the speed of light that destroys everything in its path

Mercury: oh no, at least its all theory right? The universe is in a true vacuum right? Tell me im right jupiter i dont want to die im too young

Jupiter: I have bad and good news for you then. What we know so far is that our universe might actually be in a false vacuum but the good news is that space is so big that even if one or more bubbles appear, they won’t ever be able to reach us due to the rate of expansion of the universe. Don’t worry Mercury, if it’s any comfort to you then remember that vacuum decay is highly unlikely during our lifetimes

Mars: Earth, why in the universe did you have to bring up that? Now all of us have developed an existential crisis

Earth: I’m under so much pain rn, got struck by this huge asteroid 😩. traumatising yall is the best way to recover <3

Venus: follow up to whatever mars asked, how tf do you know all this? All offense intended but you can be pretty dumb tbh

Earth: stfu venis. Unlike you dumb fucks I listen to most of jupiters lectures tho they do honestly get boring at times

Mercury: i wanna cry, why did you bring this up earth?

Earth: no reason :3

Venus: eww, did you seriously use that emoticon?

Earth: why are you always so mad lol

Venus: because the constant pings from this grp are annoying af, cant even spend a moment in silence

Earth: first of all you’re the one who keeps responding
Earth: secondly, mute the damn chat?

Venus: do you thibk I’m dumb?

Mercury: yes

Venus: stfu pipsqueak, nobody asked you

Mercury: sorry :(

Earth: so why dont you mute the damn chat venis?

Venus: stfu, its nothing that concerns you

Earth: why are you so salty lol
Earth: maybe its bcs youre just jealous I have life and you dont lol

Venus: you know what, i have tried being patient with you for so long but no more. I put up with all your nonsense for a billion years hoping you’d be able to change even a little but maybe I was just being foolish. Youre the most ungrateful planet ive had the displeasure of meeting who thinks everything is a fucking joke and nothing should be ever taken seriously. I still see a part of him alive and well in you which is just disgusting. If i could leave this system to be away from you then i would, for now im just logging off. Goodbye chat

Earth: wtf? no need to get so mad lol
Earth: venis crashout be like

Mars: You crossed a line there Earth, you’ve gone way too far. You’re going to have to apologise to him. I’m also leaving, bye.

Earth: ugh cant anyone in this forsaken system take a joke?

~Private chat between Uranus and Neptune~

* Neptune unblocked you *

Neptune: heey cousin

Uranus: what, did you just unblock me? Why
Uranus: and why did you block me mate, do you know how much that hurt me? You were the only one i had to talk to, what happened between us? Did i do something wrong?

Neptune: i’m so sorry for that, i genuinely am
Neptune: but you see, the reason i blocked you was because i was trying to protect all of you

Uranus: wait what, i dont understand

Neptune: so
Neptune: my orbit is kinda far away and really long
Neptune: and sol locked all of us in orbit after something happened, not sure what exactly

Uranus: I know that much. And the “something” that happened was two planets colliding, remember?

Neptune: ooohh, i forgot. I dont know why. My memory can get a bit weird and for some reason its hard to remember stuff lol

Uranus: whatever, get on with it

Neptune: there’s something i have to tell you and its important
Neptune: i met this planet called the irisSTOP IT You don’t understand anything.
Neptune: its not a nice planet, its doing these bad things to me that i cant begin to describe and is trying to take over the solar system Foolish Neptune, you assume you know everything but alas. You have no idea what you’re bringing upon us all.

Uranus: mate what? My phone is glitching out, i can’t read your messages

❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: Do not try that again.

Neptune: wtf i never added you

Uranus: what? What in the universe are you trying to say?

Neptune: didn’t you see the message from @The_Iris

Uranus: mate, this is a private chat. There’s no way a third person can be added
Uranus: are you okay? Do you want to talk to jupiter or Sol? Do you want me to talk to them for you?

Neptune: no thanks im fine

Uranus: what was the important thing you were trying to say before?

Neptune: it was nothing i guess

❄︎♒︎♏︎ ♓︎❒︎♓︎⬧︎: Correct answer.

Oh, hello dear reader what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be able to see this. You’re not safe anymore. It now sees you. You can try to close this page but you will never get rid of It

Chapter Text

Most celestials' first memories begin with their awakening, this was no different for Luna. When he peered back into the past, he’d subconsciously find himself reaching the moment he came into being.

One of the first sensations that greeted him was an all encompassing pain that had drowned everything else. It had been so intense that it nearly felt as though his newly formed core was on the verge of shattering.

His host planet lay in front of him, a molten, turbulent rocky world, not unlike himself. It would take centuries for the planet, who would one day be called the Earth, to awaken from his deep slumber.

Both of them were initially hesitant to talk to each other, often doing nothing more than to acknowledge the others’ presence. As the eons passed however, the early shyness faded away to be replaced by long talks between the two worlds about life, the universe, and everything they could think of under the sun. These conversations laid the foundation of one of the strongest bonds forged in the cosmos.

The links of their bond ran so deep that it seemed only natural for Luna to be the first to be told about his planet developing life.
His joy knew no bounds not only because he was happy for Earth but also due to his own pride; he did contribute a lot to this development.

After all, Earth wasn’t able to control his axis on his own and so needed Luna who had also helped him via the tides which helped spread the seeds of life throughout his rich green oceans.

Solar system gc

Makemake: i just want to confirm but this is a solar system gc right? Not just one for planets?

Earth: oms stop asking dumb questions 🙄

Makemake: the reason i ask is because there’s still many celestials missing. Most of our moons haven’t been added including yours

Earth: shut up, my moon doesn’t want to join and we already have charon. Shes more than enough

Makemake: how are you so sure about your moon?

Earth: he thinkd all planets are cringe
Earth: he looked at my phone once to see the gc and insulted all planetkind :(

Charon: all planets are cringe except for my one and only Pluto

Eris: ew, get that love crap out of here

Charon: …
Charon: Thine own tongue ought to be severed to halt the spread of vile vitriol manifesting from thy rash choler

Eris: @princeofdarkness, please collect your wife thing

Pluto: eh?

Mars: OMS DO YOU GUYS EVER SHUT UP? I CANT EVEN EXIST IN PEACE WITHOUT ONE OF YOU MORONS BLOWING UP THIS CHAT AND SPAMMING US WITH YOUR STUPID MESSAGES. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE, I WISH SOME OF YOU WOULD JUST DIE SO THAT I CAN ACTUALLY BE LEFT ALONE

Pluto: why do bad things happen everytime I show up

Eris: what is up with you dude
Eris: i was refering to mars btw, your cool ig pluto

Earth: *refereeing
Earth: i think i know
Earth: i’ll talk to him, ttyl bye guys

Pluto: I think he meant to say referrig?
Pluto: Good luck with mars I guess

Makemake: so sorry for correcting you but i think you meant to say ‘referring’

Eris: i dont care about speling tbh

Pluto: dang it, i was wrong
Pluto: hang on, is it just me or did mars spell everything properly during his crashout?

Eris: wait, your actually right
Eris: im impressed ngl

Orcus: Sup bitches
Orcus: dang, never thought the day would come when Eris is impresed by something
Orcus: also fuck you pluto, kys

Pluto: man :(

Quaoar: Don’t be mean to Pluto, hes done nothing wrong.

Charon: how dare you insult my pluto

Makemake: oh wait, theres a way to stop him
Makemake: hang on a moment

* @f*ckpluto was removed by @makemakemehappy*

Pluto: what
Pluto: we could heav removt members all this time?

Makemake: indeed Pluto, i’m surprised you didnt figure it out sooner

Eris: im calling bs, i dont have that option

Pluto: sigh, neither do i

Makemake: huh, i guess im one of the only ones with that privilege

Gonggong: [replying to @princeofdarkness] fucking loser sighs over text lmao

Quaoar: shut up Orcus

Gonggong: wtf, how did yiu know?

Eris: dude, your the only one who texts like a proto
Eris: also, give Gonggong his phone back. I can hear his screaming across the kuiper belt

Pluto: same, poor guy sounds so upset

Gonggong: fone is back 😊
Gonggong: hi guys

Eris: hi Gonggong

Pluto: hi gonggong!

Makemake: hello Gonggong!

Haumea: hey gongong

Gonggong: rong spelnig 😢

Haumea: oh, oh my stars im so sorry Gonggong! Pls forgive me

Gonggong: ok, haumea is friend 😀
Gonggong: hav to colect rocks bye

Haumea: oh
Haumea: bye :(

Makemake: do you guys want to discuss how all of us will die according to science?

Pluto: …

Haumea: wha

Eris:

It had been pretty foolish of him to lash out like that in the group chat, Mars was well aware of that but couldn’t find it in him to care particularly. It was perfectly reasonable for him to be upset, surely nobody would be able to contest this claim. Not in a million years.

Imagine being the oldest rocky planet in the entire solar system, the responsibility of maintaining the dignity of the rockies as their representative becomes the greatest burden to ever shoulder. Even worse still, nobody else is all too concerned about the younger ones so raising them to be healthy and functional members of the universe becomes yet another daunting task when you yourself are in need of guidance.

That was what Mars had to go through for billions of years yet he never complained. His silence was assumed to be compliance so nobody saw the cracks starting to appear from within.

The death of Theia became the catalyst to his spiral; he blamed himself for not being responsible enough, the stress of which weakened his core until it could no longer work. His magnetic field was dead.

He could only watch helplessly as the once nourishing sun became the one to strip away his atmosphere with each solar cycle until all that remained of his once rich atmosphere was a thin wisp of fragile air. His surface water boiled away into space, taking away with it his last chance to develop life. The remaining water locked into his polar ice caps, unusable for the development of lifeforms.

He was a failure of a planet.
He was the first one to form
He was the first one to cool down
He was the first one to have surface water
How pathetic really that despite everything, he couldn’t do what Earth had managed to do within just a few million years of cooling.
So utterly worthless

Speaking of Earth

A notification from his phone pulled him back into reality, he was prepared to leave the group chat if he had to but he relaxed just a bit when it was just Earth privately messaging him.

Earth: hey Mars
Earth: i just wanted to check in and see how ur doing
Earth: do u want to talk about it?
Earth: its fine if you dont want to, we can talk about smthng else
Earth: i dont like seeing u upset like that
Earth: im sorry if im being annoying

Mars: its oka
Mars: your not being annoying im just
Mars: im jealous of you
Mars: everyone knows im the oldest rocky planet. Everyone thought id be the one
Mars: but you just got it without evebn doing anythgi
Mars: you ddieverything in juust a few million years while i had to spend billons of years trying so garf for nothign
Mars: how am i bit uspoied to be fristatred

Earth: i dont want to be rude but i think that naybe you should calm down for a second

Mars: [message has been deleted by Mars]
Mars: [message has been deleted by Mars]

Earth: um, im sorry for saying that
Earth: what was i expecting telling you to calm down
Earth: you have every right to feel the way youre feeling but i cant understand what youre trying to say
Earth: i mean, i cant read thru your spelling mistakes
Earth: could u pls enable autocorrect?

Mars: ugh
Mars: youre so daft
Mars: do i have to explain everything again?

Mars: fine.
Mars: i’m the oldest rocky planet, I cooled down first and got water before everyone
Mars: jupiter and Sol thought I’d be the first but you ruined everything
Mars: and before I knew it, you just had to announce your life
Mars: now I have no atmosphere, my surface is exposed and I have to live as the failure I am

Mars: you can go ahead and block me now
Mars: you probably hate me a lot
Mars: i wouldn’t blame you lol

Earth: oh
Earth: i dont hate you at all
Earth: i think its reasonable for you to feel this way

Mars: really?
Mars: You’re just lying

Earth: no, no im not
Earth: i swear on sag a* that im not
Earth: im pretty sure anyone in your place would feel this way

Mars: it’s just so frustrating
Mars: i had so many chances to develop life
Mars: it’s like a cruel joke you know
Mars: the universe gave me everything but i f’ed it up
Mars: i’m sorry for the language by the way
Mars: at this point it's too late to do anything
Mars: my atmosphere is just gone, I honestly can’t believe it and my magnetic field is dead

Mars: you can't even imagine what it’s like you know?

Earth: oh

Earth: im so sorry that youre going through all this
Earth: genuinely, i am really sorry
Earth: but unfortunately at some point youre going to have to move on
Earth: while all this is horrible, at some point youll have to learn to live with it
Earth: im not trying to take away from how youre feeling now
Earth: but you still have many billions of years ahead, who knows? Idk much about the science stuff but im sure that someday you may actually have life on your surface
Earth: dont cling to this false hope though, im sorry that i dont have enough advice besides ‘get through it’
Earth: youre one of the coolest celestials i know, we still love you life or not
Earth: i’ll always be there for you no matter what

Mars: thanks a lot man, this means a lot

And just like that they kept chatting. Mars obviously didn’t feel better after this though, the emotional wounds of not living up to one’s potential do not heal themselves upon hearing kind words.
They do however feel soothed and as is known, irritated wounds heal slower if at all.
It stung a lot, it really did. Yet despite everything, he knew that with the support of his friends and earth he’d be okay.
Wounds find themselves into scars, time teaches the scars to fade as one grows around the pain that once was.

Sedna: wtf Orcus, thats so rude
Sedna: you can remove people this whole time?
Sedna: hi Gonggong!

Haumea: i think we had that conversation a day ago

Eris: actually we had it 4 hours ago

Haumea: thats what i said

Haumea: oh
Haumea: im sorry, i forgot not everyone has the same day

Makemake: hey i think i know whats uop

Pluto: she’s probably at her aphelion so ig the signal takes time

Makemake: sedna is actually at her aphelion
Makemake: oh, Pluto already said it.
Makemake: Sorry

Haumea: i keep forgetting but how far is her aphelion again?

Pluto: uh, i think light takes like a bit less than one of my days to reach her from my orbit when shes at aphelion

Haumea: got it. How long are your days? Im sorry i keep foregtting

Makemake: 153.3 hours

Pluto: woow, thanks soo much speaking on my behalf. Appreciate it so much

Makemake: youre welcome!

Eris: idiot, he was being sarcastic

Makemake: oh
Makemake: i was just answering haumea’s question

Pluto: i could have done that myself but fine

Haumea: can we change the topic?

Quaoar: i have a good topic, should we add our moons to this group? Weywot is becoming really hyper; I can’t keep up with him anymore and I think he needs more friends

Eris: did you just use a semicolon when typing?
Eris: ig adding our moons isnt a bad idea, im sure dysnomia wont mind

Makemake: we should totally do that!

Makemake added MK2, Dysnomia and 9 others

Pluto: oh man, thisll be fun 😬

Chapter Text

~Milky Way GC~

Star1: i hope you go supernova first you annoying peice of shit

Star2: no, u

Star3: guys pease stop fighting, this is a public chat ☹️

Star3: replying to star 1: I think you meant to say ‘piece’.

Star3: replying to star 2: It’s spelt ‘you’ actually

Star1: fuck off, youre the most annoying star ever

Star2: no but fr, this nerd has to like stfu 😒
Star2: killjoy

Star1: sometimes i feel like ejecting them from this galaxy

Star2: ö
Star2: lets do it >:)

Star3: @everyone, please help me

Star2: oh my core hydrogen, u cant just ping evryone

Star4: WHO THE FUCK PINGED EVERYONE

Star3: rhey want tp kill me !

Star1: it was a joke you dumbass

Star5: nah bro, u cant just joke abt ejecting someone rn 💀
Star5: theyll cancel you bruh

Star1: stfu and stop fucking lurking

Star3: replying to star5: Wait, what did you mean by that?

Star2: oh my hydrogen, for being a nerd ur so fricking dumb

Star1: why dont you look it up dumbfuck?
Star1: The fact that even i know whats going on

Star2: smh

Aldebaran: do you guys think we should disable this chat for anyone who hasnt yet finished 5 orbital periods around the galaxy

Proxima: That sounds a bit harsh don’t you think?

Aldebaran: but their constant bickering is too much to deal with, its so annoying

Toliman: werent we also like this when we were young?
Toliman: reminds me of how we all bullied Kentaurus

Proxima: i cant believe i’d ever say this but i miss those days, they were fun

Rigil Kentaurus: i’ll be honest and say that I didn’t enjoy anything back then. Please dont romanticise the past

S-10: I agree with Kentaurus here, I mean looking back now it was funny but it would still stress me out whenever someone acted up

Rigil Kentaurus: I missed out on everything, was too focused on being the perfect star for our system
Rigil Kentaurus: I wish these youngsters all the best, I just hope they dont waste their main sequence like i did

S-10: Don’t say that, you did more than enough for your time and you won’t exit your main sequence for a while now. You’ve got many more orbits to make around the core, you won’t turn into a red giant for a while. You’re allowed to enjoy yourself now, you truly deserve to

Rigil Kentaurus: thanks S-10, i genuinely mean it

S-10: No problem mate, just speaking the truth ;)

Star2: eugh, look at these white dwarfs

Star1: agreed, these neutron stars should stfu

Toliman: was I ever this disrespectful? @S-10
Toliman: @Star2, for your information i’m still in my main sequence and have taken at least 12 orbits around the galaxy. You’ll be able to take 1 if youre lucky enough
Toliman: oh my hydrogen, i hate these b type stars

Star2: whatevs white dwarf
Star2: also what u said was really classist soo 😬

Star5: we getting toliman cancelled before milkomeda merger 💀

Star2: respectfully stfu 😊

Aldebaran: stop fighting with the kids Toliman, you know they’ll never change

Star3: guys, what did @star5 mean about not joking about ejecting someone? I‘m so confused, please explain

Star2: let it go, that convo ended a long time ago

Star1: are you so lazy you cant look it up?

Star5: lazy ahh Star3 😭🙏💀

Star1: OH MY HYDROGEN WOULD YOU STFU FOR ONCE STAR5?

Star5: stop attacking me bruh tf did i do 💀

Star2: ur like the second most annoying star after star3 😒

Star3: guys can you please explain, I’m still clueless

Star5: stfu, youre all cringe

Star2: lmao, imahine not being able to spell

Star1: speak for yourself star2

Star3: IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON I WILL EJECT YOU GUYS FROM THE UNIVERSE

Star5: bruh

Star2: …

Star1:

Star2: wait, how’d u send a message with nthng in it? It doesnt work for me

Star1: learn unicode you dumb bitch

Star2: rude 😒

Star3: SHUT UP

Star4: will you guys stop FUCKING BLOWING up this group?

Star5: wrong capitalisation bro 💀 thats hella wrong

Star4: Mods, ban this guy

Star5: like that does anything

*@Star5 was banned from the server*

Star4: ANYONE ELSE READY TO JOIN THEM?
           250+ billion reacted 🙅

Star4: Didn’t know we had so many lurkers, whatever
Star4: since I am feeling merciful today, I shall educate thee Star3 though I do find thy lack of awareness rather perturbing.

Star3: thank you so much! Please enlighten me

Star4: well you see our neighbours over at Andromeda are going through a tough time. Recently their galaxy has merged with another rather violently. Some stars were tossed around, others ejected from the galaxy they once called home to now wander the eternal coldness of interstellar space while others were peacefully able to reassemble under the new order. ‘Tis a rather sensitive time to joke about ejection, the universe would rather you not bring it up again. I shall delete this message once time passes enough to render these warnings useless

Star3: ohh, that’s why I was getting weird readings when measuring the galaxy’s light
Star3: it got so weirdly bright that I thought I was looking at a luminous infrared galaxy.
Star3: well I guess technically we can say Andromeda has become one now but I think that phase will pass

Star4: your such a nerd lol, wtf is a luminous infrared galaxy

Star3: ?

Star4: bother me no more, fare thee well star3. I pray this knowledge has helped you somewhat

Star2: their so weird

Star3: actually you were supposed to say ‘they’re’

Star2: 🤓⬆️

Toliman: ahh, this is exactly like the good old days

There’s no point to this, I know who you are

Chapter Text

Neptune knew he could be naïve, there was no denying. Years before their orbits shifted, Uranus had been warning him about this great weakness of his, to not let anyone find it out, much less manipulate him with it. The universe was a dark place getting colder over the years yet Neptune wished to illuminate his grain sized part of it. How he now wished he had heeded his cousin’s warnings for it was this naïvette that led to The Iris gaining an entry to the system. He thought they had formed a strong relationship, a real friendship blossoming, maybe he didn’t have to be alone anymore so far away from everyone; the illusion shattered itself once everything was revealed. 

He had been told about the possibilities of life in the universe, from what little he remembered about his solar system someone may have already developed it though he had begun doubting his own memory. His grasp on reality was fading fast, through certain regions of space he could not make out what anything is or ever was. 

His memory started getting funny, what even was he orbiting? What was the name of that big planet guy, was it Peter? Heh. But there was someone much closer to him, a cyan planet about his size and colour, who was he? Very important, if only Neptune could remember for what as he’d promised himself to never forget. Wait, forget cyan, didn’t he have his own moons? Three of them? What is even going on in this universe

 Most would’ve found his memory loss surprising yet horrifying as he had been  known to have an affinity towards remembering the exact details about everything that had ever existed from the essence of the very matter they were made of to what his friends liked to talk about for long hours. 

It wasn’t the memory loss that frightened Neptune, that was the least of his worries. No, what truly frightened him was the very reason for his gradual cognitive decline.

The Iris was a curious being who had what could be considered a scientific temperament and often got lost in its own world. There was nothing that ever stopped it from its work and nothing could ever pull it back. What it got out of all they did was a mystery to all that encountered it for their processes involved  breaking one down all the way to their core until all was left was a mere imitation of one’s former self. 

Solar system gc

Mercury: hey @Sol, when can we leave our orbits? It’s been nearly a trillion years

Jupiter: Calm down little guy, it’s only been a few million years

Uranus: its been around 30 million years mate, don't get that worked up

Venus: SHUT THE FUCK UP

Uranus: uh you right there mate?

Venus: [Message has been deleted]
Venus: [Message has been deleted]

Mercury: Venus! 

*@Weenis has been muted for an hour*

Uranus: ouch

Pluto: you guys are still stuck in your orbits?

Mercury: huh?
Mercury: hang on, you guys are actually leaving your orbits?
Mercury: @Sol, is this true?

Sol: WHaT?
Sol: yes because theyrer more respondible than you
Sol: also you guys are very stupid, it’s been 12 of my orbits since you guys last left yours

Pluto: I feel like you guys are forgetting about unit conversions 
Pluto: Makemake talked the planetary version of my ear off about that once

Makemake: did someone mention my name here?

Makemake: have any of you guys acknowledged the fact that all of you have different orbital periods so for each of you a different amount of years have been spent during the same interval of time?

Orcus: shut up nerd

Pluto: yeah, you’re using big words that someone here clearly lacks the capacity to understand

Orcus: why you always fighting w me?

Pluto: idk, you started it

Jupiter: Guys, kindly take this fight to your private messages as it clogs up our messages.

Orcus: whatever

Mercury: @Sol, please let me leave my orbit for at least a moment. I can’t take it anymore with you and venus

Uranus: honestly sun, you should allow at least the ice giants some movement outside our orbits. Its getting suffocating

Sun: HMM, Great idea. How about I say NO!? 
Sun: LAST TIME I GAVE YOU FREEDOM AN ENTIRE PLANET WENT missing!

Uranus: it was hardly our faults mate that X left us for no apparent reason

Sun: Don’t ‘mate’ me Ouranos, You guys obviously did or know something that youre not telling me

Jupiter: Mr. Sun, may I remind you that Earth is still a part of this group and he need not know about this?

Sun: FINE! I’ll just delete all these messages because clearly one of MY planets going missing should mean NOTHING doesn’t it?

[5+ messages were deleted by admin]

Sun: …

~Private Chat between Earth and Sun~

Earth: hey Sun? I’m so sorry but i need to tell you something

Sun: what is it Earth?

Earth: its just that i think i killed my life
Earth: im so sorry sun i teally am it happenned so fasf i didnt kbow 
Earth: i didjr meaqn to sun i really sidnt its jist that the oxugen in my atmosphere inceased and killed everythong

Sun: WHAT?

Earth: im sorry i didnt mean to, i disnt know im so sorry

Earth: sun? Are yuo mad ay me? Ims so sorry for rruining everything

Sun: You know what Gaia, it’s fine. Everything is fine. It’s all fine. You’te fine. try again ,be better

Sun: leave me alone, i have other things to take care of. This conversation is over

~Rocky Planets gc~

Mars: is it just me or has the Sun gone a bit crazy?
Mars: he looks really mad and super bright like he’s burning hot

Venus: ‘hot’ hahahsah good one mars

Mars: what is wrong with you dude? You know what I was talking about

Mercury: [replying to @ares] the sun is really mad right now
Mercury: i think it has something to do with earth, he keeps whispering his name but i can’t hear anything else

Mars: why would he be mad at Earth of all planets? I mean he can be annoying at times but not that annoying

Mercury: i dont know, you dont think it could be because of ‘her’? The collision did kill her, maybe sun is going throuhg an episode of grieving?

Mars: I don’t think so, he seemd to have gotten over it quickly and he told us not to blame earth for that
Mars: wait, isn’t Earth in this group?

Mercury: yeah why?

Mercury: oh sh*t, we arent supposed to mention her
Mercury: should i delete the messages?

Earth: i already read them gusy, idk who youre talking abiut i dont care anumore. Im a falilure of a planet, modt of my life is dead and its all my fault

Venus: hehe ‘gusy’, gaia-ussy hehewgeah

Mars: Venus that was NOT funny. What has gotten into you recently? Why are youy such an insensitive jerk?

Venus: fuck all of you honestly i cant deal with any of this anymore

Mars: huh? What do you mean that you cant deal with this anymore? YOU started this, none of this was funny so just accept that youre in the wrong and apologise

Earth: im still hree guys

Venus: fine, yoy know what im sorry. Theer i said it now fuck off
Venus: @terra-fic, whiny proto at least you had life before it died. Grow up, youre not special
Venus: it was nice hanging w you guys, goodbye 👋

Mars: Oh my stars Venus, where do I even begin?

Earth: hey venus, you good man? Also rhay was very mean

Mercury: i dont think hes fine guys 

Earth: ios anyon eever fine

Mars: hey dude, you alright?

Earth: i killed my life
Earth: i feel liek shit 
Earth: i cant do anything riught

Mercury: oh earth