Chapter Text
"He won't do it."
Standing in the middle of Dragonprayer Terrace, Yanqing faces his teacher, and his friends. The island is surrounded by an illusion of a number of flying swords — his swords. The white haired man walks towards him with a calmness that can only be rooted in deep trust.
Yanqing recalls his swords and sheathes Yanzhou, letting Sushang fall back towards the others. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her fall to the ground out of exhaustion. She was, for the most part, uninjured. He made sure of that when he had fought her.
Huohuo and Guinaifen fretted over her condition, with the former attempting to heal her, though there was nothing to heal. Stelle was silent, but she held up Sushang from behind with concern in her eyes.
It was a heartwarming scene. If it was under any normal circumstances, Yanqing would also be next to her, helping her up to get back on her feet again. However, now was not the time to be focused on that. His golden irises fell back onto Jing Yuan.
"General..." Yanqing whispers, voice as fragile as glass. He wanted to run towards him, letting his father's teacher's warm embrace to envelop him completely. There he would feel safe.
A voice resounds from all around him. "Young one, your old teacher has arrived."
He pushed those childish thoughts away. It was unbecoming of someone at his age to think about such things. Especially because of his position. (though, he knew his master wouldn't mind. He never did.)
"Under his tutelage," it continued, pulling Yanqing back to reality, "you never experienced true failure. But after suffering your first major setback, you confidence in your swordsmanship has been faltering."
Yanqing drew in a sharp breath, furrowing his eyes. The heliobus's cold words and matter-of-fact tone seeped into his skin, reigniting the doubts that laid buried deep within him. His hands balled into fists and his nails dug into his palm. His gaze was stuck to the ground, not daring to look up. Not daring to look at the General's expression.
"You worry that the General is disappointed in you." He wanted to yell. "You worry that you don't have what it takes to be the person the General wants you to be." To scream at it to shut up. It knew nothing about the situation.
(even if everything it said was true?)
Apyra continued without mercy. He felt as if it was reaching into the depths of his heart and violently grabbing his deepest fears, presenting it for the world to witness. Rationally, Yanqing knew Jing Yuan wasn't disappointed or anything of the sort. He wasn't dumb.
But a small, more emotional part of himself made him reconsider. He's suffered defeat after defeat after defeat. He was supposed to be the strongest. He was supposed to protect the Luofu — supposed to protect the General. So why... Why did he get beaten by them so easily?
No one could best him in a fight before, no one except his mentor. No one on the Luofu. But the moment he faced challengers from beyond the stars, he failed. He had been utterly crushed and defeated.
The General had said it was just a lack of experience. But what kind of lieutenant fails as soon as an unexpected variable arrives?
He would be disappointed in himself too, if he was Jing Yuan.
His gaze casted up at the white haired man before him, expecting to see exasperation or even contempt in his eyes. The blonde found the man already staring. Annoyance, disappointment... none of that was in the gaze Jing Yuan looked at him with.
Instead it was worry, and trust. He trusted that his apprentice would make the right choice. He smiled, the kind that would've melted all of Yanqing's worries away, for in that moment it was just him and his teacher. He glared back down, willing the tears in his eyes away.
Apyra's grating voice grew louder, annoyance growing now that Yanqing started to hesitate. "Now... show him what I have taught you. He'll be very proud of your progress." Proud? "Tell him that with your sword, you will bring victory to the Xianzhou!"
Will he really be proud..? The rest of the speech was lost to the boy. If he wins this battle, will it make up for all his past mistakes? It's an impossible feat, he knows. He's beaten Jing Yuan only a handful of times, and even then the man had been holding back.
However, if he had Apyra's help, maybe the narrative could twist. "With... With my sword..." he muttered, slowing becoming convinced of the manipulating words. His hand unfurled, slowly making its way to the sword sheathed at his waist.
"Yanqing would never draw his sword on me to prove himself. I have confidence in him." Jing Yuan urgently cut him off. However, the man stood in place, not daring to move towards his the child. This was something Yanqing needs to face on his own.
Yanqing's hand froze, now hanging limply at his side. His head still hung low, honeyed hair framing his face, not daring to look at anyone, lest they witness his watery golden irises.
Sensing, no, knowing that his words had an effect on the boy, Jing Yuan carried on. "This confidence is not a belief that he will win every contest..." He paused, checking for the young boy's reaction to his words. Whether the boy in question noticed it himself, he was trembling.
Jing Yuan wasn't an idiot. Far from it, actually. He's seen the stares, the whispers, the envy, and hatred directed at the lieutenant. Even he was put under scrutiny for letting such a young child take the title of his retainer.
The General smiled sorrowfully. He does not regret letting Yanqing take on such a role so early on, but sometimes he wonders if he had robbed the boy of a normal, proper childhood.
"It is a belief that he will one day break free from the paradigm of victory and defeat and realise his true reason for wielding the sword..." He crossed his hands over his chest. "The pleasure of swordsmanship, the saving of life, and the dispatchment of enemies..."
Nepotism, they called it. Though many of them had dissipated after Yanqing's achievements piled up in battle after his debut, there were still the occasional hushed whispers swirling through the streets. Yanqing, when he was much, much younger. once came to him asking for advice on this very subject.
He remembered that day as if it was just yesterday. For a long life species, maybe it was.
Jing Yuan could've consoled him with soft words of comfort all he wanted, (he wish he had) but Yanqing was always a perceptive child. Those sneers and the looks of disdain, they all stemmed from an ugly jealousy. He had told him as such.
Even without looking at the man, Yanqing knew that Jing Yuan was staring directly at him. No longer was he addressing the heliobus. "This truth must be discovered by himself — no one can teach it to him. Now is the time for him to take that step."
But even if Yanqing could've seen through his thinly veiled attempt to shelter him from the truth, what that child needed at that time was solace. He didn't need to be told facts he already knew.
The lieutenant slowly stared up, uncertainty swirling in his eyes. To find the true reason for wielding the sword? Come to think of it, why did he wield the sword?
He looked around at his surroundings, a different kind of doubt creeping inside him this time. He saw his friends (acquaintances?) near the edge of the arena, staring at him. He expected to see at least some apprehension directed at him, after all, he was weak enough to get swayed by a heliobus, and he attacked Sushang too —
But nothing. Not even an ounce of hatred, or even fear! Whatever his reason for wielding the sword could be... It definitely wasn't for something like this.
His gaze was redirected to the man in front of him. "General... I..."
He was cut off by Apyra once again. "Break free from victory and defeat?" the voice scoffed as it spat those words. "Those are just empty words to comfort the dead and the defeated!" The boy's gaze tore away from his teacher's, facing up to where the voice had spoken from.
'The defeated'... How Yanqing hated hearing that word. He scowled, his face scrunching up into one of displeasure at the very notion. He had never been placed in such a position before now.
He had always been the victor.
The heliobus grew angrier. "Think of your crushing defeat at Dragonprayer Terrace! Think of how you felt then — teetering on the brink of death." Yanqing looked around, then back down, pursing his lips.
He was scared, no, 'scared' is too light of a word. It doesn't properly describe the sheer amount of terror he felt during that moment. If he hadn't managed to dodge in time, if he had been just a tiny bit weaker, if the General hadn't arrived on time to spare him from that dreaded fate...
It was the second time that Yanqing felt the fear of dying. (the first being his earlier meeting with the woman named Jingliu, who he now knew as the General's former master.)
Therefore, what did defeat mean, if not failure and death? Only the winner, the victor of the battle, decides the other's fate. What did victory mean, if not survival?
Yanqing glanced at the white-haired man from out of the corner of his eye. He recalled his words from earlier. Was.. was that not what it meant? His mentor had a thoughtful expression on his face, as if he was considering the worth of Apyra's words.
That damned voice kept going. "If the sword of that Stellaron Hunter had pierced your flesh, you wouldn't be standing here pondering the meaning of victory and defeat." The young boy gritted his teeth. The worst part was, he couldn't say anything to prove otherwise. It was all true after all.
Saying that Yanqing had been defeated in that battle was incorrect. He lost, that much he could accept. But if he really was defeated, he wouldn't be standing here right now.
It was more accurate to say that he was spared. Spared from his untimely demise by his opponent's hand. To him, it was a fate more humiliating than death. If he fell, at least it would've been an honourable death.
Perhaps it knew that it's words were successful in messing with his thoughts. "Now is the time to break all your chains." Its tone got more crazed by the second. "Draw your sword on your master — to the General who is trying to imprison you..."
Imprison him? No, he would never! But none of the heliobus's words so far were lies. In fact, it's cold, harsh truth was so unbearably painful.
"Draw your sword!" it yelled.
An agonising silence dawned over the area. With the exception of the waves crashing on the shore, it was completely quiet. A warm breeze flew across the sky, contrasting with the chill the two figures in the middle of the battlefield felt. Jing Yuan furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at Yanqing, who was deep in thought.
Yanqing exhaled a shaky breath. Come to think of it, imprisoned might be a strong word, but it was true that the General had, for lack of a better term, sheltered him from many things. The most recent example with the High-Cloud Quintet was just one of them.
Sure, he understood to some extent. He was still young and lacked proper experience, no amount of talent could change that. But was he not trustworthy enough? He was trusted enough to be made a retainer, but not enough to be told even the simplest information?
A minute passed.
Ever since the Stellaron incident, his teacher had started to make an effort to stop concealing so much from him. (Yanqing was happy, but he thought that the General shouldn't be paying this much attention to a mere lieutenant. in the end, all he had to do was follow orders... but he couldn't even do something as easy as that.)
However, he hasn't been sent on many missions lately. (was that also a result of his disobedience?) If he had, it was never to the battlefield either. He was the General's ward, so his main duty was to stick by the General's side.
However, what about his duties as lieutenant?
Two minutes.
He never questioned it before, he was told he had to take it easy in order to recover from his injuries. Yet it had been months since the incident. The Luofu was more peaceful than before, but that didn't mean the Alliance's war with the Abundance was over.
He knew there were more enemies hiding around in every corner, just not ones affiliated with the Antimatter Legion. So why wasn't he out there slaying them?
There was only one option that the boy, riddled with guilt and self-doubt, could think of.
Three minutes.
He had already lost all of the General's trust when he failed in that battle.
His heartrate quickened as a chill permeated his skin. Ice seeped through his bones, feeling as if it was freezing his blood. Yanqing couldn't tell if it was all in his head. Was the cold air around him the result of his element?
Small, jagged icicles formed around his feet, clinging onto his shoes. He's heard of a person's element spiralling out of control due to intense emotions. He's been a victim of it when he was younger too.
He never expected another instance to happen here.
Four minutes.
Everything lead back to the person in front of him (staring at him patiently with a warm, delicate gaze, as if he would break any second). If he could just prove himself worthy.
If he could just prove that he had some use — prove that he was deserving of what he had worked so hard for. To the General. (to everyone)
If... If he could win, just once... Everything would be fixed.
Five minutes. For five minutes everyone stood there in utter silence. Not even the chirping of birds was present to disturb the eerie moment.
Finally, the young boy looked up. He had made his decision, his choice. He took a step towards the General, his footsteps echoing on the stone platform. The ice of his abilities cracked underneath his feet.
Yanqing could faintly hear the soft jingling of bells. He belatedly realised it was coming from him. From the longevity lock on his chest, and the bracelet on his left hand.
(a blurry memory resurfaced. those trinkets were gifts from Jing Yuan, given to him when he was much, much younger. before he became the lieutenant, before the shift in their relationship into just a General and his ward.
it was from a time where he could freely call out to his father without the fear of societal judgement, without worrying about their own reputations.
he faintly remembers their conversation. Jing Yuan attached the lock onto his blue hanfu, while Yanqing prattled about not needing such silly things, even if his heart filled with warmth at the thoughtfulness of his dad, because he would soon be the greatest swordsmaster, bested by none.
Jing Yuan chuckled, fondly saying he'd be waiting patiently for that day.)
The air around them felt freezing. The mirage of swords around Dragonprayer Terrace seemed to swirl around the island even faster. The wind picked up as a response, weaving through clothes and hair alike.
This was it. Whatever choice he made here. he couldn't regret it later down the line. (no matter what choice he made, he probably would. no matter the outcome, he would lay awake at night wondering about the what ifs, before falling into a restless slumber.)
"General... allow me... to demonstrate my swordsmanship. I hereby challenge you..." Two pairs of golden eyes stared at each other. One full of resolution and remorse. The other full of guilt and understanding.
Yanqing paused. There's no turning back now. He's said these words over a thousand times before. But the circumstances had never been as serious as this.
It's no wonder he couldn't hold back the tremor in his voice.
"General Jing Yuan! I challenge you! I challenge these swords, to battle!"
Everyone took in a sharp breath, with the exception of Jing Yuan. The man already knew the path his lieutenant would choose during the long silence. (however it didn't erase the regret he felt for making the boy come to this decision.)
A loud, delighted cackle interrupted their musings. "An excellent decision," the heliobus replied with mirth. "Compared to your former master, you will be able to acquire a much greater mastery of the sword under my charge."
While it was rambling, Yanqing drew his sword, Yanzhou. He summoned several more swords constructed from ice, six of them to be exact, which began circling around his body as a defensive and offensive measure. However he had not pointed his blade towards his teacher just yet, though his hand stood firm on its handle.
He imbued Yanzhou with the power of ice, and a blue mist formed around its blade. It was more frigid than he intended it to be, so just holding the sword made the palm of his hand numb. It was uncomfortable, but not cold to him. The element he wielded gave him ample resistance towards it.
Yanqing couldn't decide if it was a curse or a blessing.
Jing Yuan exhaled gingerly, taking out his glaive, Starfall Reverie. "Stand back," he commanded the four girls behind him. It would've been easier to defeat Yanqing had he enlisted the help of one of them. However, the one his ward wanted to spar against was him. He would let Yanqing settle all his grievances towards him in this fight.
The man struck the blade of his weapon onto the stone floor with a loud clang. He glared, not towards the lieutenant, but towards Apyra's physical manifestation behind the boy.
"Subduing this heliobus.. might be troublesome."