Work Text:
“ Fine! I don't need you! I don't need moons, or friends like the ones you find in this SOLAR SYSTEM! Okay? I- I'm gonna go, and find the one true friend I had! That's right, I'm gonna LEAVE THE SOLAR SYSTEM! I said, I'M GONNA LEAVE, MATES!”
“Dimwits.”
Caelus hadn’t taken into account just how far out the Oort Cloud stretched.
Why would he? His orbit was far enough as it is. Even entering the Kuiper Belt was something he only really did with Neptune-
No, no. Don’t think about him. He doesn’t actually care about you. He’s just silly, goofy Neptune. He can never be serious. Can never take what Caelus says seriously. Doesn’t actually care.
But now he was traveling further than he ever had before. He could feel the Sun’s gravity weakening by the second. Sense the distant glow of the star’s light getting somehow even dimmer as he continued on.
And he thought his orbit was dark and cold.
An orbit like this- it’s no wonder Neptune went insane. No wonder tha-
“On that note, how come you didn’t go crazy after spending so much time alone?”
“I guess I… remained focused.”
No! No, Planet X proved that you don’t have to go insane in such a far orbit. That if you cared enough about something then your mind could stabilize and-
Was he stable though? Was he really?
“Because my orbit is 165 years long!”
“That’s… too much time alone.”
“Maybe that’s why he lost his… you know?”
Ha! Sure, because Neptune is the only planet that ever spent time alone. It’s not like Caelus’ orbit wasn’t also super long! It’s not like he wasn’t also far from the others!
But sure! Because he wasn’t as far out as Neptune nobody bloody cared!
The same way nobody cared that he had rings when there was Saturn.
Caelus could have just as easily have lost his mind! And Planet X didn’t! So what excuse does Neptune have now?! Neptune was right next to the Kuiper Belt! And knowing him the dwarf planets probably loved him! And he had his bloody asteroids! And moons that actually liked him! Even after Neptune forgot they existed!
He wasn’t even enough to keep Neptune sane. Why would he be though? He’s never enough.
For so long Caelus thought this was just the way things were. He was so far from the Sun and not a rocky planet or a massive gas giant so he was insignificant. He wasn’t as blue as Neptune or as ringed as Saturn so nobody cared. He was alone and couldn’t even complain about it because Neptune was right there even more alone and smiling and not complaining at all!
But then Planet X came. And Planet X showed him that things don’t have to be that way. That planets like Jupiter aren’t infallible. That there is room in the system to change. That distant ice giants didn’t have to be ignored!
And that just begged the question: why hadn’t anything ever been changed sooner?
Answer: because nobody cared. Everybody else was happy with the way things were. The rocky planets and their closeness to each other and the Sun, always the center of attention. The perfect, wise gas giants. The loony, happy-go-lucky Neptune.
Nobody else cared that Caelus was struggling. That he didn’t have a place because he wasn’t a rocky planet or a massive gas giant and in the end does Neptune really need anyone but himself?!
Nobody cared. Until X did.
And then X left! Because they guilttripped him! As if nobody else had ever made a bloody mistake before! Like the moons didn’t attack planets! Like the Earth hadn’t been an egocentric prick! Like a bunch of those hypocrites hadn’t played a role in that forgotten rocky planet dying.
But no! The second X makes a mistake. The second Caelus makes a mistake. Then it’s a problem!
“I guess I’m doing what feels right , Uranus.”
“So this is revenge?”
“ Technically I shouldn't even be talking to you anymore! You went against every planet in the Solar System for your own selfish reasons! I am very disappointed in you!”
“ I think we need to talk. After all, you supported Planet X, who was going against us, and…”
“Ugh, you know what, Uranus or Saelus or whatever your name is now? You only care about yourself and your fragile little ego. We're done!”
“I'm done with Ur-anus.”
Right. What even is “right?” It’s a load of crap! “Right” is just things staying as they are- despite the fact that there is only increasing evidence to the fact that none of this is working!
How is Caelus the only one that sees this?! Jupiter had killed planets. The moons had started a revolution against the planets. There was constant drama and chaos. And yet the Sun just expected them to go back to their orbits like nothing was wrong?!
And Titania. Saturn. Neptune. None of them had any bloody room to talk!
Titania had been part of a revolution, had brought his other moons into a revolution. And sure, maybe she had doubts, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the very “Moon Club” she seems to prefer over Uranus tried to kill multiple rocky planets. That her “boyfriend” or “friend” or whatever the hell that Titan guy is was one of the apparent ringleaders of the whole thing. She forgave him just fine!
And Saturn! He knew what Jupiter had done and hadn’t said shit! How does he have any room to lecture Caelus about anything? “He regretted it.” Yeah, what? After four point five billion years. If he had regretted it he could have said something a lot sooner, but he was too worried about Jupiter. Too worried about himself. Too worried about their precious Solar System and the precious balance.
Then there’s Neptune who- what does Neptune know about anything?!
Neptune had always been one of the smartest planets Uranus had known.
Lost his bloody mind! The fact Neptune of all planets couldn’t sympathize with X and his cause, couldn’t see how this wouldn’t just benefit Caelus but Neptune himself too!
“ You went bonkers from extreme loneliness! If X wins, I could get to be the new Saturn, and you'll... probably be smart again or something.”
“It seems my new orbit allows me to turn around the Sun at a faster speed; that and the fact that I’m less lonely may explain why I’m less, ehhhh…peculiar.”
“In my lonely state, I basically forgot most of you existed!”
But somehow Caelus was the selfish one. Caelus was the one in the wrong. Caelus was-
“That’s a goofy name!”
“Well, I like Ur-anus more.”
Bloody hell! Who cares what they prefer?! It’s his bloody name! He finally had the chance to be something other than a cosmic joke and two people who are supposed to be his “friends” won’t even let him have that because they “like his old name more.”
Liked it probably because it kept him as something to laugh at. As if there wasn’t enough about him that made him a joke. Even without his unfortunate name.
Good riddance! He doesn’t need them! Any of them! He’ll find X, who apparently left the Solar System and stay with him. His actual friend. The only person who actually cared for him and his feelings and-
“You just wanted revenge because you got hurt!”
And be happy! As someone other than Ur-anus. Other than the forgotten, smelly, ice giant who-
“So, you’re just going to leave then?”
The voice stops Caelus in his tracks. He knows that voice. Knows it well, but what the blazes is-
“What do you want, Saturn?” He asks, stopping to turn to the ringed gas giant behind him who-
Who looked-
Ghostly? Unreal? Glowing? What the-
Oh, bloody hell, he’s losing his mind.
He turns to leave again, leave this facsimile of someone had has once considered his friend. Because he doesn’t need this right now. He doesn’t want to talk to Saturn and he bloody well doesn’t need to talk to a hallucination of him!
Stars, is Saturn that exceptional that he’ll haunt Caelus even when he leaves?!
That’s so unfair, nobody will probably even notice Caelus is gone but he has to deal with fake-Saturn?!
“I hope you’re proud of yourself, Ur-anus.” The voice calls out again, making Caelus turn back towards the phantom despite his best efforts to ignore it.
“I am.” Caelus says shortly, or well… “I will be. Once I leave this place. Once I’m free from-”
“Free from what? Your agonizing existence here? Free from-”
“FREE FROM YOU!” Caelus shouts, losing all sense of cool as he explodes at the gas giant because he’s tired. Tired of his issues being minimized and played off as a bloody joke! Tired of always having to look desperately up at Saturn for some kind of appraisal like a kid.
Saturn isn’t perfect! Far from it! And the fact that he acts like it makes Caelus-
Caelus turns around and leaves. He’s not putting up with this anymore. Not with Saturn and especially not with ghost Saturn.
“So you’re just going to walk away then? Really?! How mature, Ur-anus.”
Ugh!
“IT’S CAELUS!” He calls back, continuing on his way without giving the hallucination a second glance. He doesn’t even get why he bothers any more.
Saturn won’t ever see him. Not really.
None of them will.
“Does it cross your mind to be slightly sorry?”
You have got to be kidding.
Caelus speeds up, moves faster, but that doesn’t stop a small figure from approaching his sightline.
Titania.
She looks… bad. All the cracks and craters she had acreted from the deadly asteroid dodgeball tournament on full display.
Craters she only got because she had to defend all the other moons. Because X had tried to- because Uranus hadn’t-
Behind her are his other major moons. Oberon. Umbriel. Ariel. Miranda. All bruised up in their own way.
He ignores them. All of them. He knows it’s not really them. Can tell by their translucent visage and the fact they wouldn’t actually go after him, not after everything.
“You know, we could have died. ” She continues, and Caelus just doubles his efforts to ignore her, despite the fact every word pierces through his mind, coming with memories of watching the final trial and pleading with X to stop.
But he hadn’t. X hadn’t listened.
“Would you have even noticed? Would you have even cared? ” She asks and of course. Of course he would have. They’re his moons. The pain he had felt when they had left him after that horrible joke- if one of them had gotten killed he would have-
“Or would it not matter? Because you would be Caelus. Would be the ‘new Saturn’ with your pal Planet X . Who cares about everyone else when you can have what you want?”
Bloody hell.
“I don’t need a lecture from you, Titania.” Caelus says coolly, pushing forward, trying harder than ever to ignore the figure remaining at the center of his vision.
“ Right .” His largest moon spits out, voice becoming increasingly sarcastic as she speaks. “You don’t need anyone. Except for Planet X.”
“Glad you can hear, Titania.” He responds, the mocking tone sparking something inside of him.
“The planet who almost killed us.” She repeats, like a broken record. “Who would have destroyed us.”
“You didn’t have to compete against him.” He explains, because the moons should have known what they were getting into. “You brought that upon yourself when you moons accepted his challenge. I mean- what the blazes were you thinking?! He’s an ice giant!”
“An ice giant like you.” She says in a cold voice, glaring at him. “ Which I guess means you’re both allowed to just do whatever you want while everyone else shuts up and takes it.”
“I shut up! I was quiet!” He yells, stopping as he turns to fully focus his attention on his oldest moon. “I let everyone do whatever the blazes they want! An ‘ice giant’? That doesn’t mean shit! Not when compared to Jupiter or Saturn or-”
“But what about us?”
What abo-
“Look! If you don’t like having me as your planet you can bloody well find a new one!” He yells, seeming to shock Titania into silence for a moment before-
“And you don’t see how we could have thought you were being serious? About destroying us to form rings? You were willing to destroy us for a new place on the pecking order.”
“I didn’t want you to get destroyed! I tried to stop him-”
“You asked him to stop.” A new voice says, almost unfamiliar because Caelus has never heard this level of malice from Neptune before. He hadn’t ever heard any malice from Neptune before. “And he didn’t listen. What kind of ‘friend’ does that?”
And although Caelus doesn’t want to, he turns his attention to the other ice giant. Normal, silly expression absent and replaced only with pain and disappointment.
“I- he- he’s a better friend than you.” Caelus explains stumbling as this figure of Neptune continues to approach him, absent of any of the warmth that is ironically associated with the ice giant and is instead just-
Cold.
“I- I don’t think we’re friends anymore, Neptune.”
“Gah! That’s super cold! Though you are an ice giant so that is to be expected! Ha!”
He shouldn’t be surprised- he had tried to burn bridges with Neptune. It just- it finally took.
“Stop it! You’re always being silly! You’re always making jokes! You-”
Well… he got what he wanted. Neptune certainly isn’t making jokes now.
Why does it hurt so much?
“Pfah! ‘Better friend.’” Neptune repeats, spinning around him in a way that should be normal for Neptune but just feels wrong. “Do you really believe that?”
“He listened to me! He wanted to help! He-”
“He wanted to help himself, Ur-anus. You think he honestly cares about you? You know as well as I do he was just trying to enact his revenge plot. You’re just too desperate to care.”
No-
He-
“On that note, how come you didn’t go crazy after spending so much time alone?”
“I guess I… remained focused.”
“On what?”
“Revenge.”
“You just wanted revenge because you got hurt!”
Okay, maybe Planet X did do this all for revenge, but Caelus didn’t have another choice.
“I was desperate because of all of you!” He shouts, because Caelus isn’t the only one at fault here. And he hates that everybody is acting like it. “Because none of you will bloody listen to me! Even now! Even when you’re figments of my imagination!”
“I listened to you, Ur-anus.” Neptune says as he tilts to the side. “It just wasn’t enough.”
“That’s bollocks and you know it, mate.” Caelus snaps, bringing up something that has been clear to him for a while now. “Any time a serious topic came up you would turn it around with a joke! Or dismiss it entirely! You don’t care about my-”
“And do you care about me?”
Wha-
“O- of course I do, Neptune!” But this isn’t the bloody poin-
“Really?” Neptune asks, pale eyes narrowing as he seems to stare right into his soul, and unlike his usual Neptune-stares this pierces in an uncomfortable way.
“Yeah,” Caelus starts. “I-”
“Because you didn’t look for me when I went missing. Not at first. You waited.” The blue planet says as he continues to circle around Caelus, bringing up many of the regrets he had always had regarding the other. “How long did it take you to tell me I could leave my orbit? You never even thought to worry about me beforehand?”
No- no, that’s not what-
“Neptune, come on! That’s not-”
“And you didn’t care about my orbit when X was making plans. Let’s not kid ourselves.” Neptune continues, “You’ve wanted me to shut up and be ‘normal’ ever since I came back. Doesn’t matter if I was happy with the way things were. You didn’t think it was enough. I made my choice back when I took my orbit back from Jupiter. Back when I switched orbits with you. ”
No, no- Neptune never- sure Uranus used to orbit further but that doesn’t mean-
“And if I had become ‘smart again’ would it have even mattered? With your pal X you would have ignored me entirely. Because you only ever stuck around because you never had another choice.”
That’s not true! Sure, Neptune annoyed him sometimes, but-
“Neptu-”
“Conversations work both ways, Ur-anus. Maybe you felt I never listened to you, but did you ever try to listen to me?”
Why is he saying all this? Neptune would never say this! He wouldn’t! He-
“S-stop it-”
“And for the record,” the planet says, moving closer into Uranus’ space. “Maybe I stopped listening to you because I didn’t want to hear you complain again. Over and over. Always the same thing. It gets boring after a while. You complain about being seen as a joke because of your name or smell-“
“Neptune-”
“But have you ever just considered it’s just because you are one?” The ice giant finishes, looking so unlike the planet Uranus has known his whole life. Cold, angry, hurt and-
Transparent.
This isn’t real. This isn’t real.
“You aren’t Neptune.” Ura- Caelus says shakily, backing away from the phantom who just grins coldly at him in response.
“Maybe. Maybe not.” Not-Neptune says with something akin to a shrug. “Maybe I chased after you when you said you were going to leave. Leave to find your only true friend. Maybe I followed you to convince you to come back because we both know you’re making the wrong choice.”
“No- you-”
“Maybe I’m here to plead you to stay.” The phantom says, shocking him because after all the berating this ghost has done, pleading did not seem like the direction it planned to take. And then the next words out of his mouth just shock Caelus more. “Because you do make a difference.”
Wait, what?
“I mean- sure, we probably wouldn’t miss your gravity much. The three of us could handle things just fine.” Neptune plainly says, and Uranus has no doubt this is true. Neptune was always the one knowledgeable about math, about gravity. And with Jupiter, Saturn, and Neptune who needs- “But if you’re gone I might just lose it completely. And that would be selfish, wouldn’t it Ur-anus?”
The first thing that Caelus feels is resentment because really ? Is that all he is? Some thread connecting Neptune to reality?
But then comes the worry, without him will Neptune-
No! Things aren’t like how they were before! Neptune has his moons! And the other planets seem to love him. He’ll be fine! Better even, because he won’t have to lug Uranus’ whiny core around.
“And without you who would make me feel even prettier?” A voice says from behind him, ghostly Saturn approaching fake-Neptune, somehow with rings even bigger than normal. “Without you who are we supposed to laugh at?”
The gas giant gives a nudge at Neptune with that, whose face then is transformed into a cruel smirk.
This isn’t real. Saturn would never say that. Neptune would never look like that-
Doesn’t mean they don’t believe it-
“It’s fine though.” A new voice chimes in, Titania- who Uranus had forgotten all about when Neptune appeared. “Because he wants to leave. Do what’s best for him, leave the rest of us behind.”
She and all his other moons are surrounding him as well, with Neptune and Saturn making a circle where anywhere he hurts he’s faced with a different expression that chips away at a piece of him.
Titania and her resentment.
Oberon and his tears.
Umbriel and her disappointment.
Miranda with her fear.
Ariel with her cold stare as she protectively holds his youngest moon, S/2023 U1 in her grasp, shielding them from him.
And all his other moons. Francisco. Caliban. Puck. Ferdinand. Setebos. Prospero. Margaret. Sycorax. Trinculo. Stephano. Mab. Perdita. Belinda. Cupid. Rosalind. Portia. Juliet. Desdemona. Bianca. Cressida. Cordelia. Ophelia. All of them, looking at him with a mix of fear or anger, somehow even worse than when he had to look at them all and apologize for his “joke.”
And then Saturn, with his cruel, smug look. Neptune, with his cold anger.
Stop it.
“It’s fine though. Because you got what you always wanted.” Saturn hisses, and no- no, this isn’t what he wanted. He never wanted any of this. How could he? He just wanted to be seen as someone other than the butt of the joke for once! How is that so bad?!
“Yeah! You can hang out with your real best friend. Not the dimwit companion that you refuse to even call family. ” Neptune, stop- “The one you’re too embarrassed to be seen around.”
That- that wasn’t it! He didn’t-
Stop it. Stop it.
“You can run off with the planet who nearly killed us.” Titania says in an accusatory tone. “Because you have more loyalty to him than the moons you had for billions of years.”
“Ah, you’re forgetting, Titania.” Neptune says, turning to address the moon while he continues to level a glare at Uranus. “Ur-anus doesn’t care about loyalty. Why would he? We were just the ones he was stuck with. But now that he can stop being a joke-”
“Pfft! As if that’s going to happen. Caelus. Uranus. Ur-anus.” Saturn says, spitting each name out like it’s poison. “ It doesn’t matter in the end. Whatever you call yourself you’re always the planet that people only ever remembered to make jokes about.”
“Yeah! And you’ve always been the best to make jokes about!” And maybe in another timeline Neptune wouldn’t be saying this with such malice. But it isn’t that timeline. “Being the best at something is kind of cool, especially when you have nothing else going for you.”
“He’s a poor excuse of a planet.” Titania grumbles, moving closer to Uranus as she does. And it’s weird to be cowed by something so small. “He has that going for him.”
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
They aren’t real. They aren’t real. They aren’t-
Uranus bolts- passing right through the phantoms as he pushes forward. He doesn’t even know where he’s going. If he’s trying to fix X still or what, but he just needs it all to stop.
He just needs to get out of here.
Let me out. Let me out.
The leash that is the Sun’s gravity is lessening with time. But it’s still there and choking him.
Let me out. Let me out.
And then he comes to the edge of the Solar System, stopping right at the invisible border and-
And there’s nobody. No X. No ghosts either. Just-
Just him.
There is a distant speck of light radiating in the distance, so small that it doesn’t even feel real.
How could that be the Sun? Did he really go that far?
It’s silent. Eerily so. Absent even of Saturn’s mocking voice and Neptune’s angry one and Titania’s betrayed one.
Good. They’re gone. They were never real to begin with! Now he can just-
Just-
“So you’re just going to walk away then? Really?! How mature, Ur-anus.”
He should walk away. It would be better. For him. Probably for everyone. He-
“ Hey, wanna be friends?”
“I’m sure they’re eager to get back on your orbit!”
“We are cousins! The only ice giants in the Solar System!”
“Awww, thank you Uranus!”
No, no- he doesn’t want to be Uranus! He wants to be someone else! Someone better! Someone new! Someone more than just a-
A what? A cousin? A planet? A best friend? Was that not enough for you?
Maybe it would have been! But it wasn’t just that! It was the fact all those things came with the unbearable toll of being someone he hated. It was the fact that even if he was those things, nobody seemed to care how he felt.
But did you try to communicate? Before joining up with Planet X and running away?
Of course he tried! Nobody listened! Not Neptune! Or Saturn! Or his moons! Or-
Then why are you second guessing yourself? If this is the best option to move forward-
It is.
Then go. They won’t stop you. Nobody will.
Y-yeah! Yeah! He should go! He should just cross over the-
But what if somebody does come? What if somebody is chasing after him and does care and there’s a chance that-
That somebody will actually come for you? They don’t care. And every moment you spend here is a moment Planet X is getting further away.
But-
“He wanted to help himself, Ur-anus. You think he honestly cares about you? You know as well as I do he was just trying to enact his revenge plot. You’re just too desperate to care.”
“It doesn’t matter in the end. Whatever you call yourself you’re always the planet that people only ever remembered to make jokes about.”
But if X was just manipulating him- wouldn’t chasing after him make him an even bigger fool? Humiliate him even more?
You’re already humiliated. How much worse can things get?
Maybe- but- but if he leaves-
If you leave you can be someone else. Someone better. You can leave all this behind and start over. You can get what you always wanted.
“Get what you always wanted,” the voice of Saturn hisses at him despite Caelus being completely and utterly alone.
“Get what you always wanted,” Titania repeats, daring him to leave.
“Get what you always wanted,” Neptune echoes, anger clearly covering up some sort of pain, pain after Caelus dismissed their friendship and pushed him away.
Gogogogogogogogogogogogo.
He-
He can’t.
He can’t go. But…
But he can’t stay.
He’s just-
He’s stuck. Trapped. Again. He would look like a bloody fool if he chased after X. But if he went back after everything-
They probably never even noticed you were gone.
If that’s the case- if they never noticed. Then he definitely can’t go back. It would just confirm everything he’s always known. And- and if he’s gone than his moons can get a new planet and Neptune can take his orbit and-
It’s better. For them. And he-
Maybe he deserves to be here. In the cold. Maybe this is the universe finally balancing the scale after Neptune was the one pushed to the more distant orbit over him. Maybe this is karma for him supporting X, for standing by while his moons were at risk for injury if not death, maybe it’s karma for being a shit friend and a shit planet and-
And yeah, maybe he shouldn’t go back. He’s not Jupiter. Nothing would change in his absence.
Nothing.
And that causes a shudder to run through Uranus as he crumples down, the knowledge that nothing he does will make a difference. Not to him or anyone else.
Nothing.
So Uranus stays with the nothing. The coldness. The emptiness. He’s content to stay with it for as long as possible. Maybe the madness will get to him like it did to Neptune and he can just forget.
Neptune forgot and he always seems happy, maybe there’s a reason for that-
Maybe forgetting is the best way to move forward- maybe he can start over. Or maybe… maybe even if he forgot everything he’s always doomed to be Ur-anus.
But… but if he forgot maybe he’d be okay with that! Fine with the way things are. Because he never would never have any false hope that things could be any different. Never have false delusions that he could be anything more. That he is anymore more than-
Nothing.
He starts to laugh at the idea. Nothing. That would be a funny name. Goofy even- more goofy than Caelus or Ur-anus.
A fitting name though- more fitting than something meaning the “God of the Skies.” When has he ever been the god of anything?!
The laughs don’t stop. In fact, they only grow. Grow as he realizes how stupid this whole thing is. How much of a cosmic joke he is. How he ended up here to begin with and the fact that he’s being haunted by his “friends” (who probably all, rightfully hate him now) and the fact a part of him is even hoping someone will come for him.
Nobody is coming.
Nobody would come for Ur-anus.
Wait… that’s a-
The laughs slowly turn into sobs because did he seriously just make a Uranus joke?! Oh, stars. Maybe he’s already going crazy.
He doesn’t know how long he sobs for. How long he laughs for. Time is irrelevant like everything else to do with him. He feels… melty. Which is odd because he’s nowhere near the Sun… is this how Neptune feels all the time?!
Huh. Fun.
He continues to laugh. To cry. To melt. Only stopping when he hears a new voice.
“...Ura- Caelus?”
Great. Another hallucination.
He opens his eyes to see what is probably supposed to be Jupiter sideways. Why is Jupi-
Oh. Right. He’s sideways.
Uranus laughs some more and he watches not-Jupiter shoot a look to someone else. Making Uranus think Jupiter is going crazy for a second until he processes that there is a small figure next to the phantom gas giant, Pluto.
Ha! Now there’s a joke!
The much larger of the two hallucinations speaks over him as he continues to laugh, because wow. What even is his brain?! What’s going to come next? The Earth?!
“A- are you okay? We really need to talk.”
And Uranus stops. Stops for two reasons. One is because he’s already heard the “we need to talk” line so many times any really doesn’t want to hear the same speech again but also-
Did “Jupiter” just ask if he was okay?
The fact that even a small part of his mind thinks Jupiter would go after him. That Jupiter would ask if he’s okay after Uranus accused him of ejecting X again. After he partnered up with X against Jupiter. After Jupiter had been stuck out here and only just got back and is needed to stabilize the Solar System-
Ha, yeah. No. Jupiter wouldn’t come. Leaving would put the Solar System at risk because Jupiter is actually important. And besides- why would he risk that of Uranus of all planets.
So Uranus stops. Stops and looks at these bizarre figments of his psyche. Somehow even less believable than an angry Neptune.
And he laughs harder.