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It started as a half-joke, when Cheng Xiaoshi said they should celebrate the end of their time at university and Xu Shanshan said the best celebration would be getting as far away as possible. In the voice of a girl who would be going back to grad school starting the next semester. Which Cheng Xiaoshi pointed out, and Xu Shanshan argued that meant she had even more right to want to get away for a while, and then Dong Yi interrupted to suggest a road trip.
“None of us have a car,” Xu Shanshan pointed out.
“My parents might let us borrow one of theirs,” Dong Yi replied.
And so here they are.
Dong Yi’s parents have two vehicles—one nice, new model with heated seats and a backup camera and remote start and a bunch of other fancy features that would’ve seemed like something out of a sci-fi movie when Qiao Ling was little. This is, of course, not the car they are road tripping in.
They got to borrow Dong Yi’s parents’ minivan from 1980 that has only one hubcap, a dented hood, a busted brake light, and air conditioning that works about half the time if they’re lucky. The windows roll down manually, there’s a crack running through the back windshield, and it goes through gas like no one’s business.
But, they’d already made up their minds and booked reservations. So.
At least Qiao Ling doesn’t have to drive.
Dong Yi is behind the wheel, since it is his parents’ van, and Xu Shanshan called shotgun. Qiao Ling made herself comfortable in the middle row of seats, pushing Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang both to the back. They were content with the setup until approximately five minutes into the drive, when they realized they’re suffering the brunt of every bump in the road by sitting directly over the back wheels, but by that point, it was too late to switch. Qiao Ling and Xu Shanshan both just laughed at them.
“I can’t believe I let you guys talk me into this,” Cheng Xiaoshi laments, for the fifth time in the thirty minutes since they left.
“You wanted to do this,” Lu Guang reminds him, also for the fifth time.
“I didn’t think we’d be travelling in a van pulled out of a junkyard!”
“Be nice!” Xu Shanshan scolds, as if she didn’t also complain about the van when she first saw it. She’s just playing devil’s advocate because it belongs to Dong Yi’s parents and she’s still relentlessly pining for him while hoping he’ll make the first move. “We wouldn’t be using this van if it weren’t safe.”
“Well…” Lu Guang mumbles.
Xu Shanshan twists herself around, so she can look back at the boys. “If you want to get out, no one’s stopping you! We’ll leave you on the side of the road and be better off for it!”
“Xu Shanshan…” Dong Yi chides.
She huffs, turning to face forward again. She settles back into her seat with a pout.
“You’re making me regret agreeing to this,” Qiao Ling mutters. She reaches into her bag and pulls out a book. “Can’t you wait at least an hour before you start arguing?”
“Or don’t argue at all?” Dong Yi suggests helpfully.
That is, apparently, the exact wrong thing to say. Because Xu Shanshan exclaims that Cheng Xiaoshi started it, and he shouts that that’s not true at all; he wasn’t even talking to her, and it all devolves from there.
Qiao Ling grabs her headphones, plugs them into her phone, and turns the volume up loud enough to drown them all out.
—
They make it an hour before Cheng Xiaoshi needs a bathroom break.
“You were supposed to go before we left,” Qiao Ling reminds him, even as Dong Yi pulls into a gas station parking lot.
“I did!” Cheng Xiaoshi protests. “But I brought a bottle of soda with me and drank it all…”
“Idiot,” she grumbles.
They end up all getting out of the van to stretch their legs, because Dong Yi decided to fill up on gas while they’re here. Cheng Xiaoshi dashes for the bathroom while Lu Guang trails behind. Xu Shanshan links her arm with Qiao Ling’s and drags them to the snack section, declaring that she’s going to make this waste of time worthwhile somehow.
“Seriously, what sort of dumbass drinks an entire bottle of soda right at the start of a road trip?!” Xu Shanshan demands. She snatches a bag of gummies and turns it around to look at the ingredients list on the back. “How stupid do you have to be?!”
Qiao Ling pats her shoulder consolingly. “Cheng Xiaoshi doesn’t always have the best sense of forethought. But on the bright side, we can get candy! I think they have slushies here, too.”
“Then I’ll have to go to the bathroom.”
Qiao Ling considers this. Slowly, a smile creeps across her face. “Revenge?”
Xu Shanshan meets her gaze. “I like the way you think.”
They each get a slushie, and Xu Shanshan gets one for Dong Yi as well. Then, they buy their things and head back out to the van without waiting for the boys, giggling to themselves. It’s not as if there’s any shortage of places to stop on their route, and they left plenty early, so another bathroom break won’t hurt anyone.
“You know,” Xu Shanshan muses, “I am actually surprised everyone agreed to this. Myself included. I know we said we wanted to celebrate graduation, but we could’ve just done karaoke or something.”
Qiao Ling takes a slow sip of her slushie. Xu Shanshan makes a good point—the five of them get along pretty well, but whenever they’re in close quarters for an extended period of time, it’s a guarantee that arguments will break out. They could’ve made their celebration something simple that didn’t run the risk of ruining their friendship forever by forcing them all into one vehicle for hours on end.
But…
There’s something freeing about road trips, Qiao Ling thinks. She hasn’t been one once since she was little, but every vacation—no matter how close to home—feels like a break from reality. And when they’re about to be forced into reality full-time now that their university days have come to a close…
What better way to celebrate than an escape from the real world?
“We could have,” Qiao Ling agrees, “but this lets us be kids for a little longer than one karaoke night.”
“Huh.” Xu Shanshan looks at her slushie. When she smiles, her teeth are already stained blue. “You’re right, I guess. I didn’t think of it like that. It’s like a farewell tour to childhood or something. …Although I’ve still got another two years of school to go.”
Qiao Ling nudges her. “Better make the most of it, then!”
They reach the van before she can say anymore, but the look they exchange when Xu Shanshan hands Dong Yi his slushie makes it clear she knows exactly what Qiao Ling was referring to.
—
Their first destination is Tiantai Mountain.
The scenery is stunning, and though Xu Shanshan was hesitant about any sort of hiking, even she seems completely enamored. Qiao Ling herself could do without the bugs, but some sacrifices must be made.
Cheng Xiaoshi falls into step beside her, at the back of their group, after brutally losing an argument with Xu Shanshan about their favorite movies. He nudges her shoulder. “You good?”
“Yes!” Qiao Ling answers, a beat too fast. “Of course I’m fine; why wouldn’t I be? We’re on a super awesome road trip!”
Okay, so maybe Qiao Ling isn’t completely fine. But it’s not like it’s anything the others need to worry about; it’s just typical post-graduation woes. The whole ‘I’ve been in school my whole life; what am I supposed to do now?’ thing. Which is totally normal, she knows! It’s just that Xu Shanshan and Dong Yi have both decided to do more school, and Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang have the photo studio to go back to, so everyone else already has their plans made for them.
Meanwhile Qiao Ling is just…coasting along. Hoping for a prophetic dream sent by her ancestors to guide her down the right path or something.
Cheng Xiaoshi squints at her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
She stretches a bright smile across her face. “Obviously!” She looks around, trying to find something else—anything else—to talk about, so he’ll stop worrying about her. After all—it’s her job to worry about him, not the other way around. She points at a tree. “I dare you to pick a persimmon and eat it.”
“I don’t think—” Lu Guang starts, looking over his shoulder, but it’s too late. Cheng Xiaoshi has already taken the bait, bounding off the trail and towards a tree with fruit low enough that he can pick one.
“You’re not allowed to do that!” Xu Shanshan scolds.
“I’ll pick a second one to throw at you!” Cheng Xiaoshi threatens.
Qiao Ling giggles, even though Xu Shanshan glares at her. And Lu Guang can’t suppress his smile either. Cheng Xiaoshi makes good on his promise, but he purposefully aims to miss, and the fruit goes sailing past Xu Shanshan’s head.
“HEY!”
“Don’t fight,” Dong Yi pleads.
Xu Shanshan ignores him, stomping over to meet Cheng Xiaoshi at the edge of the path, already launching into a rant about respecting nature and being good stewards of the land, which Qiao Ling knows he will absolutely not listen to a single word of.
“You two are dangerous together,” Lu Guang tells her.
Qiao Ling shrugs. “It’s a sibling thing.”
Lu Guang raises an eyebrow. But he doesn’t say any more.
—
By the time dinner rolls around, Qiao Ling is feeling a bit better about the whole lack-of-a-direction-for-her-future thing. It helps that she’s spent the day with friends, making dumb jokes, enjoying the outdoors, and leaving all of their worries hours behind them.
There’s still a nagging sort of sensation tugging at the back of her skull, but it’s far easier to ignore. And she’s determined to have fun on this trip! She can deal with the woes of reality once they’ve returned home.
—
Qiao Ling wakes early.
After tossing and turning and utterly failing to fall back asleep, she heads downstairs to the dining area and finds Lu Guang already there, nursing a mug of coffee. He greets her with a polite smile and nod.
“Morning,” she mumbles, dropping into the seat across from him.
“You’re up early,” he notes.
“Not by choice.” She rubs her eyes, debating whether she wants actual food, or if she should take a page out of Lu Guang’s book and just get tea for now. It’s hard to say when the others will wake—though she’s almost certain Cheng Xiaoshi would sleep straight through their noon check-out time if they let him. “Are you always awake at this time?”
Lu Guang shrugs and sips his coffee.
Weirdo.
Regretfully, she can see how he and Cheng Xiaoshi get along so well.
She lets out a melodramatic sigh, then buries her head in her hands. “You people need to behave when we’re back on the road so I can take a nap,” she warns. In all honesty, she doubts she’d be able to sleep anyway, but maybe if she pretends, she can force them to be quiet.
Lu Guang snorts. “With Cheng Xiaoshi and Xu Shanshan together? As if.”
Qiao Ling groans.
She does end up getting food, because she’s hungry, and if she’s going to be awake this early, she may as well make the most of it. And she convinces Lu Guang to actually eat as well, so she’s not the freak who’s gorging herself alone.
“Qiao Ling-jie,” Lu Guang starts, when she’s about halfway through her food. He’s hardly touched his, but that’s unsurprising. It’s the whole mysterious-anime-protagonist vibe he’s got going on.
“Hm?”
“Cheng Xiaoshi seemed worried about you last night,” he notes.
Qiao Ling freezes. She thought she squared that issue away, but apparently not, so now she has to get Lu Guang to stop worrying about her too. Oh no. Is this going to be a big thing? Because she seriously hopes not.
“I’m not sure why,” she replies, with a laugh that sounds a little too nervous and a lot too suspicious. She looks down at her food. “I was just feeling a bit under the weather, I guess. But nothing the two of you need to worry about!”
She risks a glance up. Lu Guang is squinting at her.
“Was it a migraine? We could have taken a break if you needed.”
“No! No, not—” Qiao Ling stops herself. It’s a good excuse, actually. She should just take the out she’s been given. “I mean…it wasn’t that bad. If it gets bad today, I’ll let you guys know. Promise.”
Lu Guang nods, though he still looks skeptical. “Good. I’m sure even Cheng Xiaoshi and Xu Shanshan would be willing to put aside their differences and quiet down if you need them to.”
Qiao Ling sort of doubts that would be possible, but she nods in agreement anyway. Then, she shoves another bite of food into her mouth before she can say anything more and dig herself any deeper into this hole.
It effectively ends the conversation, because before she’s even finished chewing, Dong Yi enters the dining area and sits beside them, greeting them and informing them Xu Shanshan will be down after she’s finished showering.
“You were in her room?” Lu Guang asks, deadpan as always.
“No,” Dong Yi protests, cheeks dusted pink. “I knocked on the door to see if either of the girls were awake, and Xu Shanshan yelled at me not to come in because she was about to get in the shower!”
“So you say,” Qiao Ling teases. She pokes his arm. “Get some food. Being the driver is hard work; you need the nutrients.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Lu Guang smiles, faintly. Qiao Ling takes another sip of her tea and relishes in the way it warms her down to the bone.
—
As if penance for lying to Lu Guang this morning, Qiao Ling’s head begins to hurt no more than five minutes after they’ve arrived at a museum in Wenzhou.
It starts as a dull sort of throbbing behind her eyes, which she decides to ignore, hoping it will go away. Unfortunately, walking through an exhibit room with bright fluorescent lights seals her fate, and even when they make it past that and into a room with low lighting, Qiao Ling’s headache persists. It’s not the worst she’s suffered, and she doesn’t want to make everyone leave, but it isn’t long before Dong Yi notices something is wrong.
She’s lucky it’s him and not any of the others, honestly. Because all three of them would immediately announce her predicament to the entire group.
“It’s not that bad,” she tries to argue, keeping her voice low.
Dong Yi furrows his eyebrows. “I can see it in your eyes,” he argues. “You should take medicine, at least.”
“I’m fine!”
“I’ll tell Cheng Xiaoshi,” he threatens.
Qiao Ling deflates. “I don’t want to ruin this for the rest of you. I could just go nap in the van or something.”
Dong Yi glances towards the others, and then back to Qiao Ling. “I’ll take you to get medicine,” he decides. “We can let the other three go through the rest of the museum on their own.”
“But—”
“Or we could all leave,” he finishes. “Your choice.”
He can be so devious when he wants to. This is unfair.
“Fine,” Qiao Ling relents.
Dong Yi tells the others they’re going to the bathroom, and not to wait up. Then, once they make it to the van, he texts Xu Shanshan to inform her of their true plans. He gets an angry response from her, and then another from Cheng Xiaoshi saying to wait for the rest of them before they leave, but Dong Yi just says they’ve already left.
Thankfully, it doesn’t take long to find a pharmacy. Qiao Ling stays in the van while Dong Yi runs in to get medicine and water. She wanted to put up a protest, but the thought of even opening her eyes to face the full force of the sunlight was enough to stop that train of thought entirely. So she curls in on herself in the passenger seat, eyes squeezed shut, and waits for the brief eternity it takes before Dong Yi returns.
“And you tried to say it wasn’t that bad,” he chides gently, having returned with the necessary supplies.
“I’ve dealt with worse,” she argues, though she knows that’s not the point.
“Doesn’t mean this one isn’t bad.” He nudges her arm with the pill bottle. “C’mon, you need to stay hydrated. We can get you some food or something else to drink after you’ve taken the medicine.”
Qiao Ling groans. But she wrenches her eyes open and does as instructed, hoping the pills might incite an immediate miraculous recovery.
(They won’t—she knows this; she’s very familiar with how this works. But you can’t blame a girl for dreaming of a better world where a headache doesn’t ruin your entire day and your friends’ plans as well.)
Dong Yi gets her bubble tea and a snack, but when that doesn’t ease up any of Qiao Ling’s symptoms, he ends up driving her to their hotel so they can check in and Qiao Ling can rest. She protests, but it’s no use. The only compromise she can manage is Dong Yi leaving her at the hotel alone so he can go meet back up with the others. Which he would have to anyway, considering he’s their ride, but Qiao Ling will take the small victory.
Unable to do anything else, and suffering even when she has her eyes open at all, she simply changes into pajamas and crawls into bed. Dong Yi bids her farewell and makes her promise to call if she needs anything, and then she’s left alone in the hotel room with the lights off and curtains drawn.
Eventually, she drifts off to sleep.
—
When Qiao Ling wakes, it’s to the low murmur of voices.
She’s not sure how much time has passed, but the nap seems to have helped, because her head is pounding significantly less than when she fell asleep. Still, she takes a moment to simply lie in bed with her eyes shut, letting herself drift into consciousness slowly so as to not reignite the pain.
As the grogginess fades from her mind, the voices solidify, and she’s able to make out that the others are all in the room with her. Either on the other bed or the floor—it’s hard to be sure which. They’re whispering, but Qiao Ling can catch a few snippets of their conversation, and she’s surprised that there hasn’t been any shouting yet. Even when Cheng Xiaoshi and Xu Shanshan disagree on something, they keep their volume low.
After several minutes, Qiao Ling sits up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “What are you four doing here?” She tries to go for a scolding tone, but it just sounds tired. She narrows her eyes at Dong Yi specifically. “I thought I told you to just carry on with our plans without me.”
“We were going to,” Cheng Xiaoshi assures her. “But…” He shrugs. “It wasn’t as fun without you there. And the park was kinda lame anyway.”
Lu Guang elbows him, and he yelps.
“We’ll have more fun doing something low-key with you than going on a hike or whatever while you’re stuck here,” Xu Shanshan elaborates. “We could play card games or watch a movie and order takeout! Unless your head is still hurting too much; don’t push yourself.”
Qiao Ling looks over the four of them. She valiantly tries to ignore the warmth in her chest making tears well up in her eyes—or at least, she’ll tell herself it’s just a lingering side-effect of her migraine. Because she’s totally not going to cry over something as silly as her friends caring about her.
“I think game night and takeout sounds good,” she agrees. “But we’re keeping the lights low.”
“Deal!” Cheng Xiaoshi exclaims. “What d’you want to eat?”
—
The next morning, they pack up their things early and head to the Longyou Caves.
It’s a three and a half hour drive, and the boys spend most of it sleeping. Since Dong Yi is focused on the road, Xu Shanshan ends up climbing back into the seat beside Qiao Ling so they can chat and watch the TikToks Xu Shanshan saved the day before.
“I really need to fix my algorithm,” Xu Shanshan complains, swiping through videos in quick succession. “I liked one post about going to grad school, and now my dumb for you page thinks I’m, like, some super geek who lives and breathes homework. Ugh.”
Qiao Ling giggles. “You do get in that mindset sometimes.”
“Only before a big exam! But I’m on vacation right now; I don’t want to think about going back to school.” She huffs out a sigh, shutting her phone off and slumping against Qiao Ling. In a quiet voice, likely so Dong Yi won’t overhear, she admits, “Sometimes, I don’t even know if grad school was the right decision or not.”
Qiao Ling frowns. “What do you mean? You’re crazy smart, so—”
“No, no, I know I can do it,” Xu Shanshan assures her. “It’s not a matter of capability. It’s just…I wonder if I’m only going because I don’t know what else to do with my life. And ‘cause…well…”
She doesn’t finish, but Qiao Ling is pretty sure she’s referring to the fact that Dong Yi is also going to grad school. And she’s not ready to let their paths diverge. Which makes sense—Qiao Ling wouldn’t want to spend two years so far from Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang either; they’re her best friends, and she’s honestly not sure where she would be without them.
“You could just tell him…” Qiao Ling points out.
“No!” Xu Shanshan hisses. She slams her hand over Qiao Ling’s mouth before she can say any more. “Don’t. I’m just gonna see how the next couple of years go, okay?”
Qiao Ling holds her hands up in surrender. When Xu Shanshan lets go of her, she says, “Just a suggestion…” with a teasing smile.
Xu Shanshan glares.
“Seriously, though,” Qiao Ling continues, “I’m sure grad school will be great for you! And it’ll give you a specific direction to go with your career once you’re done.”
“That’s true. It just feels like a cop out, you know?” Her shoulders slump. “Like, you and the boys are gonna be living your lives while I’m still a student, which is the only thing I’ve ever really done.”
A sense of dread bubbles up in Qiao Ling’s stomach at the reminder. Because yes, she’s done with school. But no, she doesn’t know what she wants the rest of her life to look like. She’d honestly contemplated doing more school herself just to push back the inevitable for another few years, but none of the grad school paths seemed particularly appealing to her either.
So…
“It’s not a cop out,” Qiao Ling says, pushing her own worries aside. “And it’s not like the rest of us are gonna leave you behind either, okay? We’ll still be friends for sure!”
“Even with the distance?” Xu Shanshan asks warily.
“Duh! I’m not going to let that keep us from being friends, and I know you’re also too stubborn for that. So don’t even worry about it!”
Xu Shanshan does seem to relax at that.
“You’re right,” she agrees. “Thanks. I’m so glad we met each other.”
Qiao Ling beams. “Me too.”
—
The Longyou Caves are an intricate man made cave system, which Cheng Xiaoshi specifically did not want to go to, meaning Xu Shanshan decided they had to visit, and of course, she won the argument. According to Qiao Ling’s brief research, no one is sure exactly why, when, or how the caves were made. Cheng Xiaoshi said this meant they were almost definitely haunted.
Xu Shanshan told him she was hoping he’d get killed by a ghost.
“Ghosts don’t kill people,” Lu Guang tried to argue, but Cheng Xiaoshi was too offended at the prospect of Xu Shanshan rooting for his death at all to listen to any reason. Regardless of how flimsy it may have been. Considering ghosts can probably do whatever they want.
Qiao Ling doesn’t spend much time contemplating that sort of thing, though.
“I still don’t think this is a very good idea,” Cheng Xiaoshi murmurs as they descend into one of the caves.
“Thousands of people come here every day,” Lu Guang points out. “If there were any vengeful spirits hanging around, I think we would have found articles about tourist deaths instead of raving reviews.”
Cheng Xiaoshi huffs, crossing his arms and looking away.
“You’ll be fine,” Qiao Ling reassures.
“Unless there’s an earthquake,” Xu Shanshan chimes in. “Then, we might all get buried alive.”
Cheng Xiaoshi yelps, jumping over to Lu Guang and clinging to his arm. He looks around, as if maybe he’ll be able to see some sign of an earthquake before it happens.
“Seriously?” Dong Yi demands.
Xu Shanshan shrugs, grinning. Then, before she can suffer any further reprimand, she takes Qiao Ling by the hand and drags her ahead of the rest of the group, pointing at one of the large carvings on the wall.
“This is kind of insane,” Xu Shanshan comments. “I mean—these caves are huge. And no one even knows why they were made!” She slows to a stop once they’ve made it closer to the carving, tilting her head as she looks up at it. “I wonder if it was some sort of ancient doomsday bunker. D’you think there were end-of-the-world conspiracy theorists thousands of years ago?”
Qiao Ling giggles. “That’s what really brings humanity together across the ages,” she jokes. “People theorizing about the end of the world.”
Xu Shanshan snorts. “And yet, we’re still here. Kinda crazy, huh?”
“Yeah,” Qiao Ling agrees. The carving they’re standing before depicts four people, presumably on a journey. One rides on the back of some animal—a donkey, maybe?—and the one at the front of the group is pointing forward while looking back to those behind him. Upon closer inspection, they seem to be walking on little waves.
Qiao Ling searches her memory for a legend or myth of a group of travellers who walked on water, but she comes up empty. Maybe she’ll look it up when they get back to the car.
“Wonder where they were headed,” Xu Shanshan muses.
Qiao Ling hums. Realistically, if these people really did exist, they likely would have been travelling somewhere specific. Maybe fleeing a bad home environment, or visiting family, or moving to a city in hopes of finding better resources and opportunities. But for the moment, Qiao Ling wants to imagine that whoever they were, they were more interested in the journey than the destination.
That all they really wanted was to see a bit more of the world.
“Maybe they weren’t headed anywhere,” she suggests. “Maybe they were just travelling for the sake of it.” Maybe they wanted a brief moment of reprieve before being burdened by the weight of the reality they lived in, or maybe they were just searching for themselves.
“Like us?” Xu Shanshan raises a teasing eyebrow. But then, she looks back to the carving, and her smile drops into a thoughtful frown. “Actually…that’s a much better link between generations than doomsday conspiracists. A desire to see new things, or whatever. Curiosity. …It’s still miraculous we’ve survived so long, but,” she shrugs. “I’d rather be curious than overly paranoid and fearful.”
Briefly, Qiao Ling thinks about her own fears—the impending doom of adulthood, and the vague sense of impossibility that accompanies it. Like if she just doesn’t think about it, it won’t happen. Like maybe the world will end tomorrow and she’ll never have to face what life is like beyond graduation.
But that would be a really shitty way to live her life.
Maybe she’s been looking at this wrong all along. Maybe she just needs to learn to be curious about the future rather than afraid of it.
Xu Shanshan glances over at her. “You think we should go make sure the boys aren’t wetting themselves over my earthquake comment?”
Qiao Ling giggles. “Yeah. We can go change their fear of an earthquake into curiosity about what would happen if there were to be an earthquake.”
Xu Shanshan barks out a laugh. “I like the way you think!”
—
They survive the caves, and then celebrate with dinner.
As they’re making their way into the restaurant, Lu Guang tells Qiao Ling, “You seem to be in a good mood. Were the caves really that exciting?”
Qiao Ling rolls her eyes. She very nearly makes some snippy comment about Lu Guang not appreciating cultural landmarks, but…
She supposes she is in a good mood.
Instead, she tells him, “I just came to a realization. You don’t need to worry your pretty little head about it.”
He holds his hands up in defense. “Fair enough. I’m glad you’re feeling better, though.”
Qiao Ling’s smile softens, and she looks away. “Yeah,” she mutters. “Me too.”
—
The next day takes them to Hangzhou, where they visit an aquarium and do some shopping. By the time they make it back to their hotel at the end of the day, everyone is exhausted. Qiao Ling throws herself face-first onto the bed, telling Xu Shanshan to shower first, her voice muffled by the blanket.
“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Xu Shanshan mutters before making a beeline for the bathroom.
Cheng Xiaoshi drops the bags they made him carry on the floor, then drops himself onto the bed beside Qiao Ling.
“Dude,” Lu Guang says.
“Leave me alone. I’m spending some quality time bedrotting with my dear sister.”
Qiao Ling shoves him. He does not move an inch.
“Whatever.” The door opens, then shuts, and given the lack of any further conversation, Qiao Ling assumes both Lu Guang and Dong Yi have left to go back to their room.
She pokes Cheng Xiaoshi’s arm. “What are you doing?”
“I told you. Quality time!”
“No, seriously.” Qiao Ling rolls over onto her back. “You’re not gonna use your exhaustion as an excuse to drape yourself over Lu Guang?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Really? You’re more obvious than Xu Shanshan.”
Cheng Xiaoshi bolts upright. “Xu Shanshan likes Lu Guang?!”
Qiao Ling chokes on her spit. “What!? No, I meant—”
“Oh,” Cheng Xiaoshi breathes out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good. I mean— just ‘cause Lu Guang deserves way better than her! Obviously. And it would totally suck if one of my best friends started dating my worst enemy.”
“…You just admitted you like Lu Guang, though,” Qiao Ling points out.
“Did not!”
“Did too!” Qiao Ling sits up. “Why would you jump to the conclusion of Xu Shanshan liking Lu Guang if you don’t?”
Cheng Xiaoshi looks away, face flushing. “That’s not the point. You’re trying to distract me!”
“From what? I want you to tell me why you’re here.”
Cheng Xioashi meets her eyes for a brief moment, then turns his gaze down to his hands. “I just…was feeling a bit sad that this trip is almost over. It’s silly, I know, but—”
“Me too,” Qiao Ling interrupts. She lays back down, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m so not ready to go back to the real world. And adulthood. Ugh.”
“You can say that again.” Cheng Xiaoshi lays back down too. “But the photo studio won’t run itself, and I’m excited to get back to it.”
Qiao Ling opens her mouth to respond, but she finds her words fail her. She wants to be happy for Cheng Xiaoshi—is happy for him, honest!—but he sounds so…certain about his future. He sounds ready for it. And while she’s happy for him, a dark sense of jealousy is also spreading through her chest, clawing up her esophagus and cutting off her voice.
Cheng Xiaoshi turns to look at her. “Is something wrong? You know I’m not gonna replace you with Lu Guang, right? You’re like my sister—”
Qiao Ling shakes her head. “No, it’s not—” She covers her face with her hands. “It just feels like everyone else knows what they’re doing after this, and I’m…stuck. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and I’m trying really hard to be okay with that, but it’s—it’s not easy. I just feel so…lost!” She breathes out a shaky sigh through the ache in the back of her throat. “You and Lu Guang have the photo studio, and Xu Shanshan and Dong Yi are going to grad school, and…and then there’s me.”
(Admittedly, it probably doesn’t help that, yes, Qiao Ling knows her friends are going to pair up with one another sooner or later. And they can promise they won’t forsake her for their partners, but there will still be an unspoken fact that their significant other has to be their favorite.)
“You know,” Cheng Xiaoshi says quietly, “sometimes I wonder what I might do with my life if I didn’t have the responsibility of the photo studio.”
Qiao Ling lowers her hands. “Huh?”
“Like…” He fiddles with a thread on his sleeve. “I’ve always known that’s what I wanted to do, right? But…I never gave myself another option, either. And there are times when I worry I’m locking myself into something I may end up hating in a few years.”
“…Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Qiao Ling shifts, so her head is leaning against Cheng Xiaoshi’s shoulder. “I don’t think you’ll end up hating it. But…if you do… You can change your mind whenever. And I’ll be there to support you through it.”
Cheng Xioashi makes a noncommittal sound. “In that case, it’s okay if you don’t have everything figured out right now either. You can try something, and if you hate it, you can do something else instead.” He reaches over, patting her head and mussing up her hair in the process. “And I’ll be there to support you, too.”
Qiao Ling smacks his hand away. “Cringe.”
“Hey! I’m trying to be nice!”
She cracks a smile. “I know, I know. …Thanks.” It’s not as simple as believing everything will fall into place eventually and that things will still be okay in the meantime, but it’s nice to know she isn’t entirely alone in her worrying.
Cheng Xiaoshi leans his head against hers. “Yeah, whatever. You’re cringe, too.”
Silence stretches between them for several moments, but it’s a comfortable one. Like when they were kids, falling asleep in the same room, comforted by the other’s presence. Qiao Ling misses it, but she always knew the peaceful innocence of childhood couldn’t last forever. It’s just a bit harder to grapple with that in practice than it is in theory.
“Cheng Xiaoshi?” she says, after a few minutes.
“Hm?”
“When you and Lu Guang finally cut the bullshit and start dating, you’re not allowed to leave me out of things. You can go on dates or whatever with just the two of you, but…not all the time. The three of us still have to hang out together, too.”
“You’re seriously worried about that?!” Cheng Xiaoshi sits up, apparently just so he can look down and make sure Qiao Ling sees his baffled expression. “Lu Guang is great, but you and I have known each other since we were, like, five years old! He could never replace that, and I don’t think he’d try to.”
“Well, yeah, but—”
Cheng Xiaoshi raises a hand to cut her off. “No buts. If I ever start dating anyone, they’ll have to accept they can’t be more important to me than you. The same importance, maybe, but not more. ‘Cause you’re not allowed to let your future partner be more important than me either!”
Qiao Ling winces. “And if I never end up in a relationship?”
“Then I guess I get to be your favorite by default.” Cheng Xiaoshi offers her a goofy smile. When she doesn’t respond in kind, he drops it and adds, “Seriously though, you don’t have to date anyone if you don’t want to. You’ll still have me and Lu Guang!” He hesitates, then shrugs. “And I guess Xu Shanshan and Dong Yi too. But obviously I’m more important than they are.”
Qiao Ling laughs. She sits back up too, so she can punch his shoulder. “You are so full of it! Xu Shanshan is actually nice, if you don’t spend all your time pestering her!”
“But she’s just so easy to argue with.”
“And yet, you never win.”
“I do too!”
Qiao Ling raises an eyebrow. Cheng Xiaoshi shrinks away.
“Whatever,” he grumbles. “You good?”
Qiao Ling thinks for a moment. She takes a deep breath in, and then out. She looks around the hotel room, and then back to Cheng Xiaoshi. She still has no idea what her life will look like once they return home, nor has she figured out what she wants it to look like. But she has her friends. She has Cheng Xiaoshi. She trusts that they won’t leave her behind; just as she promised to do for Xu Shanshan. She trusts they’ll support her; just as she promised to do for Cheng Xiaoshi.
And she trusts that all of the others will help her out whenever she needs, just as she would do for them.
“Yeah,” she answers honestly. “I think I am.”
—
It’s late when they return home.
Dong Yi parks the van outside of the Time Photo Studio, rather than making the rounds to drop everyone off, and they all pile inside to spend the night there. Cheng Xiaoshi gathers all the pillows and blankets he has, then dumps them on the floor before collapsing himself. With a vague gesture, he says, “Make yourselves at home.”
Lu Guang flicks his forehead. “You aren’t a very good host.”
“Shhh, I’m sleeping. Be the host yourself if it’s that important.”
Lu Guang rolls his eyes.
They spread out the blankets, and Cheng Xiaoshi does end up helping, and it isn’t long before they’ve settled into their sleepover setup. It reminds Qiao Ling of a simpler time—having friends over to stay the night in elementary school, building pillow forts and sharing scary stories, telling Cheng Xiaoshi it was no boys allowed!!! and then eventually letting him in anyway.
She hopes that no matter what comes next, she’ll still be able to find moments of joy like this. Where the simplicity and nostalgia of childhood seeps through the cracks like sunlight on a cloudy day, and it can warm her even when the world around is so cold.
She looks around at the others, who all seem to be either already asleep or nearly there, and feels herself smile at the sight. Cheng Xiaoshi’s head rests against Lu Guang’s shoulder, and Lu Guang has a hand in his hair. Dong Yi took the couch, since he’d been driving for hours, and Xu Shanshan placed herself on the floor right beside it. But she’s already wriggled herself away in her sleep, so her legs are knocking against Qiao Ling’s.
The future is still a terrifying, looming storm cloud hanging heavy in Qiao Ling’s mind. But for now, she’s happy to just be here with her friends.
And when morning comes, bringing them back to the real world, she knows that she’ll still have her friends by her side through whatever happens next.