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Through the large skylight, the night was deep and the rain left trails rippling over the glass. The water could be heard sliding off the eves, and loudly hitting the ground below. The rhythmic sound of the rain against the roof should have been soothing. It was pleasant, but it did nothing to ease Sonic. He paced the attic of his and Tails’s house. The room he had unofficially claimed was cozy, with wood paneling and lit by a lamp and string lights.
It was past midnight, but Sonic couldn’t sleep. He’d already laid in bed for quite a while only to be met with restlessness. Tonight, his legs refused to still, and any attempt to do so on Sonic's part met him with the sensation of his legs burning. To Sonic's annoyance, the pacing eased the sensations. He didn’t want to be up, yet despite his fatigue, his body insisted on being awake. Impatiently, he bobbed a bag of chamomile tea in his mug, waiting for it to finish steeping.
Before, on nights like this, he had bothered Shadow. It had been a mutual thing of sorts. One that led to either a race or, more exhilarating, a spar. Anything to kill off the excess energy they always had. However, neither hedgehog had initiated such a meeting since Shadow had stayed over following his last nightmare.
Sonic paused as he felt static in the air. Was the storm supposed to bring lightning? He began to make way for the attic’s hatch. He knew his brother was scared of such storms, and wanted to be there before Tails could hear or see the thunder and lightning.
Then, he heard a thud at the window. He felt a familiar pull at the chaos energy that coursed through him, drawn to another source like a magnet. Sonic realized he had been mistaken. There was no lightning. He looked to his window without much alarm to watch it open, and through it, crawl in a soaking wet black hedgehog.
Sonic set his tea down, anticipating a demand. A race, a fight, something. Sonic could feel adrenaline begin to pump through him. A level of exhilaration brought just by the other's presence. But Shadow didn’t say anything. Where agitation would usually be, Sonic instead saw what could be… awkwardness? He kept his gaze tracked on Sonic without ever meeting his eyes. When he wiped at his quills, Sonic shrugged. If Shadow was just going to stand there dripping wet, Sonic might as well get him a towel to dry off with. Sonic went to a dresser, pulled one out, and tossed it over to the other.
Sonic walked toward Shadow as he dried his head and torso, and stopped in front of him. He smirked. “Fancy seeing you here. Y’know, I was just thinking of you.”
Shadow grunted and rolled his eyes. After a moment of struggling to reach the quills at the back of his head, he gave up. Sonic stole the towel and circled behind him. “Don't worry. Only good things– it always is with you.” Sonic said, catching the softness he hadn't meant to put into his tone. As he finished drying Shadow’s quills, he couldn’t shake the delicacy of the work or the feeling that he was lingering. A wave of bashfulness forced a nervous chuckle from him. He came back to face Shadow, and to distract from his previous words, added, “–Except when you’re a jerk.”
Shadow still had not responded, and his gaze was still avoiding Sonic, who wondered how long Shadow had been in the rain, and why he was here to begin with. Usually, a meeting from Shadow at this hour meant he was seeking a race or a spar, but if that were the case, he would have demanded it by now. His countenance was much similar to the Shadow that Sonic recognized following a spar. The Shadow who had shown Sonic constellations or delicately groomed his quills. Although previously, it has always been their spars that incited and permitted such amicability. Without it, it felt like they had not only skipped a step but taken a different path entirely.
Sonic treaded carefully since Shadow looked ready to climb back out that window if Sonic made the wrong move. Sonic grabbed his mug of tea and offered it, “Here. It’s chamomile.”
“I don’t want to take your tea,” Shadow said, while his hands betrayed him, and took the mug, holding it carefully in both hands.
“Then we can share,” Sonic said. He studied Shadow. A while ago, he had noticed Shadow always had dark circles. They were well hidden, given his fur, but Sonic had gotten close enough that he couldn’t unsee them. He asked the redundant question, “You tired?”
“I am so tired,” Shadow mumbled in a way that spoke beyond the moment. Something he felt deep and chronically in his core. It was hidden in the day, but Sonic saw it. How his usual rigid posture had collapsed into a slouch. Shadow’s eyes blinked slowly and drowsily. Yet he still had a tenseness. His quills were always somewhat puffed and waiting for a threat that no longer existed. Shadow met Sonic’s eyes over the mug. “Don’t look at me like that.”
Sonic chuckled and asked in an amused tone, “Like what?”
Again, Shadow shook his head and rolled his eyes. Although, Sonic swore he was hiding a smile behind that mug. He asked, “What else am I supposed to look at?”
“Anything else.”
“Aw, but you're the nicest to look at.” Sonic teased, and Shadow glared at him but there wasn’t any malice to him. Sonic still wasn’t entirely sure what had drawn Shadow here, but he was exhausted and could tell Shadow was too. Sonic yawned, and a moment later, Shadow’s body would copy him, bearing sharp fangs and looking like his head was about to split in half at the jaw.
Feeling tired tears in his eyes, Sonic spun on his heel. “C’mon.” Sonic went over to his nest of a bed. It sat in the corner of the room. It was nestled beside a trunk and bookcase. Over it hung string lights and a curtain most often used to keep the sun out when Sonic slept in. Somewhere underneath a plethora of blankets and pillows was a mattress that sat on the floor. Sonic climbed onto the bed and crawled to sit against the wall.
Shadow hesitated, but followed. He stepped out of his shoes by the mattress. For a moment, Sonic would think he saw a wobble in Shadow’s knees before he took a seat beside Sonic. Shadow asked, “I suppose I didn’t wake you?”
“Nah, I couldn’t sleep.”
“Hm.” He shifted and took a sip from the mug of tea. “How come?”
“I guess I just have too much energy. Like, sometimes I'm tired, but my body still wants to keep going. My legs will get all uncomfortable like they're tingling and burning until I give in and end up pacing or running around or something.” Sonic said, bouncing his legs at intermittent rhythms. He brought his attention to Shadow and although his words had some tease to them, his tone was soft. “But what about you? What graces me with your presence?”
Shadow was silent a long while, weighing the options of how he could answer. Sonic didn't want to overstep, but he couldn’t hide his concern. The last time he'd seen Shadow he had learned his worsening nightmares were his half of why they sparred at night. He had yelled at Sonic to fight him. He had cried. Sonic had seen his walls break down for a short night and seen first-hand just how much Shadow's trauma still affected him. Sonic bit his lip, then gently asked, "Was it another nightmare?"
Shadow searched Sonic for any hint of judgment, only to find care. Looking away again, he said, “No. I can't sleep. I've been thinking too much.”
“About what?”
Shadow took a sip of the tea. He drummed his fingers against the mug then once again shook his head. “I don’t want to get into it.”
“‘Kay.”
He took a final sip of the tea and then handed the mug over. “You can finish it off.”
Sonic brought the mug to his lips and really hoped the chamomile would do its job. As his lips met where Shadow's had been moments ago, the faint idea of an indirect kiss came to mind. His brows furrowed at the thought, but he wasn't about to let the juvenile idea get between him and his tea.
Sonic let out a deep sigh, relishing the tea’s earthy taste and how it warmed him. The room was dimly lit, and the rain had eased to a gentle, constant droning. Sonic leaned his head into Shadow. It was nice to share the warmth and be able to focus on something other than the uncomfortable energy from his legs and his mind, nagging at him to always keep moving. As Sonic sipped the tea with languor, he felt Shadow lean a bit more into him. Shadow seemed to be relaxing, and a quick glance confirmed so. His quills were beginning to lay flatter, which had previously been something that only happened around Rouge, and now him, he supposed.
Sonic set his now empty mug on the trunk which acted as his permanent make-shift nightstand. “You don't mind if I turn off the lights, right?” Sonic asked while getting up. When he got no response, he glanced back, to see a hesitant expression on Shadow's face. He didn't think it was about the context of the question, though. Sonic suspected it had something to do with how he had phrased it. That was something else he had noticed, how Shadow took a long time to give answers. Sonic rephrased himself more clearly: “Is it okay if I turn off the lights?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
So Sonic bent down and unplugged the string lights, and turned off the lamp on the way back to the bed. The dim warmth disappeared in an instant into cool darkness. His eyes quickly adjusted, finding something of a blue glow in his surroundings. He made his way to the bed, crashing down on it when he found it.
Sonic grabbed a blanket bunched up by their feet and pulled it over them. The last time Shadow had been here, he’d got the blanket to himself. Sonic usually didn’t use one, he preferred sleeping outdoors if possible. But today it was winter, and the attic was chilly. If Shadow didn’t want to share, that would be okay. But Sonic would get his own blanket this time so as to not freeze to death.
But Shadow didn’t make any protest. He laid down on his side, positioned almost into the room’s corner. His knees were drawn in tight and his arms tightly around his shoulders and tucked under his chin. Sonic suspected it wasn’t from the cold, but some sort of habit. He wouldn’t be surprised if Shadow regularly slept curled into a literal ball. Which, to Sonic’s experience, always ended in some sort of neck or back ache. Maybe that was why Shadow was always so grumpy.
Before Shadow could fully curl up, Sonic slowly extended a hand between them. The same offering as before, and again Shadow would hesitantly take it, and pull their interlaced hands close to his face. A bit of an uncomfortable angle for Sonic, so he shifted closer. Shadow’s eyes were locked onto Sonic with hesitancy and something else. Sonic remembered the last time he was here. They had slept in the same bed. Shadow had accepted and initiated touch. But that was when Shadow had been wrecked with his nightmares and flashbacks. A more self-aware Shadow would never be that vulnerable. Although, Sonic realized, for Shadow to be here right now, was a step as big as a mile. Shadow had not pushed Sonic away, but came back. When Sonic brought himself to speak, it was a soft whisper, voicing a hesitant offer. “Shadow? Can I hold you?”
And for a split second, Shadow’s expression would betray him, his eyes widening and lips parting before returning to a thin line. He pulled his hand away from Sonic’s, for a brief moment, giving him panic he had done something wrong. But then Shadow grabbed Sonic’s waist, wordlessly pulling him closer until Shadow’s head met Sonic’s chest. Shadow’s inner arm still wrapped himself, tightly holding his opposite shoulder as if to protect himself. Gently, Sonic placed his hand over Shadow’s on his shoulder.
Sonic’s other hand came over Shadow’s head, behind his ears. Shadow’s face scrunched at the touch, making Sonic pause. When he relaxed, Sonic absently petted the soft fur behind his ear. Between his thumb and index finger, he rubbed the short soft fur of his ear. A small purr came from Shadow, quickly cut off, but Sonic had caught it.
He was growing tired now. He hoped Shadow was as well. Sonic's eyes were growing heavy. The pains of his body were dulling into aches, and his mind was slowing. Absently, he nuzzled the top of Shadow’s head, and after a moment of thought, he pressed a kiss to Shadow’s forehead. It was a motion familiar to Sonic. He had kissed Tails between the ears countless times, and often, he did so as a way to say goodnight. Of course, this time, the gesture was so very different. It wasn’t familial, and Sonic couldn't pretend it was platonic. Sonic couldn’t pretend the emotions he felt toward Shadow weren’t something wholly unique to him.
Shadow pulled back just enough to look up at Sonic. He was surprised, of course, but his expression was guarded now.
Sonic was used to Shadow making it known if had disapproved of something Sonic had done. Usually, he was quite vocal (or physical) when he thought Sonic had done something brash or idiotic. But they were barely walking the line of something new, and perhaps that changed everything. Perhaps he couldn't count on Shadow's disapproval to be so clear anymore. This new fear rose in Sonic as he hurriedly cursed, “Chaos. Did I make you uncomfortable?”
●
Shadow averted his gaze. He should say yes. He shouldn’t like this moment. It was too vulnerable and dependent. He shouldn’t like being held. Or kissed. And certainly not by his former rival. Such a bold display, and for what? Who did Sonic think he was?
Given his tone and question, Sonic was someone who cared about his feelings. And denial would take more energy than he had to pretend he wasn't enjoying this moment, even if he thought he shouldn’t. Shadow's thoughts and feelings were becoming muddled, and like often, he didn't trust his own judgment. The vulnerability left him exposed and felt two steps away from exposing his innards. Had Maria been here, she would say it was a very brave thing to take these steps toward opening up. She would say that he deserved to let new people in his life after she was gone. Shadow took a steady breath to hide the emotions rising with his thoughts and finally gave Sonic his honest answer. “...No. You’re okay. I'm okay … Thank you for letting me stay here.”
○
Sonic exhaled a breathy chuckle, “Of course.”
Sonic’s hand reached out to brush Shadow’s cheek. “Shadow…?” But what could he say? He had so many feelings that swarmed the other in his mind. Few of which he felt the confidence to voice. So odd how he could fearlessly fight to save the world but hesitated with his own emotions. For a long time, he hadn't been able to identify them. They still confused him, but he knew what he wanted. He wasn't sure if Shadow wanted the same. But right now was perfect. If nothing between them ever changed, he would be beyond happy if it meant more moments like this. Sonic didn't care what they were so long as it was something special and unique to them. What could Sonic say? Well, he could be honest.
“... I'm really glad you're in my life.”
●
Shadow stilled, then shifted so their eyes were even. He searched for a hint of deceit in Sonic.
Shadow didn’t understand how he could make someone else’s life better. As much of an ego he had, if Shadow was honest with himself, he could not list any of his attributes that were of any use to his friends outside his physical abilities. But Shadow trusted Sonic. Like Maria, Sonic could see part of himself Shadow was blind to. Although, the longer he spent with Sonic the more good he saw in himself, and he wasn’t sure if Sonic was changing him or how he viewed himself.
“I’m glad you’re in mine, too.”
Shadow brought his hands to cup Sonics cheeks. He couldn't bring himself to return the kiss. That was far beyond the walls he had built up. But right now, he could hold Sonic with a tenderness that spoke volumes beyond itself.
○
Sonic closed his eyes contently and focused on the warmth of Shadow’s thumbs rubbing over the soft fur of his cheeks. When he opened his eyes, he could tell Shadow was drifting off. Sonic took his hands in his, sliding them into the space between them. Slowly and quietly, Sonic pressed his forehead into Shadow’s, and for the last time of the night, he saw Shadow’s brown eyes flutter open, drowsy but content. A moment of fondness overcoming their expressions.
Sonic watched as Shadow drifted off, a smile coming across his lips. It was nice to see Shadow’s mind and body finally relax. He wasn’t sure why he was able to bring Shadow this peace, but if he could, he’d like to give it to Shadow all the time. He deserved someone to trust and relax with, and if for whatever reason, that was going to be Sonic, he was determined to provide it.
Was love too strong a word for everything he felt toward Shadow?
He had always loved all his friends. No doubt. But this was different and complicated. Natural and messy. Sonic had never been one for romance or anything of the exclusive sort. He had never felt the attraction and he couldn’t let anyone slow him down.
But Sonic could feel the chaos coursing through his body, and this close, he could feel Shadow’s as if it were his own. They were two beings of the same energy. They ran and tired the same. Beside him was someone he would never have to slow for.
Sonic rubbed his thumbs over Shadow’s hands. He looked so beautiful and at peace. Sonic was okay with the stillness of the moment. And as sleep would finally claim Sonic, he decided love was a word that fit well.