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Yet You Save Me Without Hesitation

Summary:

Brutal spars are nothing abnormal for Sonic and Shadow, but when Shadow holds Sonic's head under water too long, Shadow can't help but feel guility he has violated the unspoken trust between them in their spars.

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Content warnings: drowning (non-fatal, mild breathing impairment), vomiting

Notes:

For those reading through the series, fic is not placed chronologically. It is a bonus scene mentioned in 'You Hold My Life in Your Hands'. I don't know where is put it so here it is.
To everyone else, ignore my jabbering, this fic works perfectly fine as a standalone as well.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Few things in nature were blue. The sky and its reflection in the water. In the night, both were black.

Sonic could appreciate the view of the ocean or a lake. However, as surely as blue faded to black as one left the atmosphere, it faded much quicker in water. This was something Sonic was very aware of as his head was held under the surface. Between the firm grip around his quills and his general inability to maneuver in water, he was stuck.

In the night, Sonic was the only thing that remained blue. A creature standing as a reminder of another time.

Sonic was not particularly scared. So long as he held his breath, he'd be fine, because he was certain within the next few moments, he would be released. And after that, the other would probably give some taunting monologue that would conveniently be just long enough for Sonic to recover before the two were back at each other's throats. The situation was irritating, as it meant he was currently losing the sparring match, but this wasn’t any attempt on his life. Sonic had full trust in the hand that held him under. Enough so it would be to a fault, had Sonic’s trust not been proven again and again.

His lungs were not so easily convinced, however. Their conviction to breathe shot adrenaline through him, replacing his trust with primal instincts. His lungs now screamed and his body disregarded any context of the situation. His limbs were compelled to thrash just as his mouth opened to swallow water rather than air. One hand shot back, breaking the water’s surface to find the arm holding him under, and rapidly tapped against it. Neither hedgehog was the yielding type, but between the two, the gesture had sparingly been used to indicate the spar had gone too far.

Immediately, Sonic was released, and before Sonic could bring himself up, hands had already taken his shoulders and pulled him above the surface. Instantly, Sonic was coughing up water and gasping for air. He clung to the body that supported him, with disregard that it was the perpetrator for his state. The other hedgehog half-dragged him to the river’s bank before sitting Sonic down on the loose rocks. Sonic’s chest rose insistently, trying to draw in more air than it could find.

“You're hyperventilating.” Noted a smooth, deep, and familiar voice belonging to the hand which rubbed his back.

Sonic rubbed his eyes which stung. He told himself it was from the dirty river water rather than any emotion, and hoped his tears blended with his soaked fur. He was shaking, and he could not stop his heaving breaths or the groans and coughs that came with them. His upper body lunged forward, leaving him in his hands and knees, and he retched, coughing up the last of the water he had swallowed. He stayed in this doubled-over position, with his arms shaking under him. His lungs still demanded more oxygen, and his stomach was beginning to hurt from his diaphragm spasming. He heard small rocks shuffle as Shadow crawled in front of him, carefully missing the puddle of fluids Sonic had just expelled. Shadow’s brows were furrowed, and his eyes wide. His hand reached out before pulling back.

“Just… Match how I'm breathing. You’ll be alright.” Shadow managed to say. Which wasn’t an easy task, given Sonic couldn’t hear Shadow’s breathing over his own heaving breaths. But Sonic sat up and pressed a hand to Shadow’s chest, feeling how it rose and fell. The rhythm seemed familiar, but Sonic couldn’t focus enough to count it out. Still, Sonic made the effort to steady his breath to match Shadow’s.

In the minutes it took Sonic to regain himself, Shadow’s hand rested on his shoulder and his thumb rubbed at Sonic's fur. Shadow kept a careful watch for any signs of his condition worsening. When Sonic’s breathing had returned to a normal rhythm, Shadow pulled back and removed Sonic's hand from his chest. 

“I thought you were holding your breath.”

At the blunt statement, Sonic glared daggers at Shadow. A look Shadow was sure he deserved. But instead of instigating an attack, or even giving a snarky quip, Sonic let out a sharp exhale. He drew his knees up to a comfortable position and closed his eyes. It perplexed Shadow how Sonic could so easily let his guard down around Shadow following what he had just done.

Shadow shifted to sit next to him. The sky was dark, and the water reflected black. In the night, Sonic was the only thing that existed in blue. A creature of his own, and a reminder of what was gone. It was easier to leave some things in the past. Maybe that's why Shadow tried to destroy him so often. Maybe that was why Shadow never could.

“I shouldn't have pushed it so far,” Shadow said, keeping his eyes trained across the river. “I shouldn't have even led our spar to the water to begin with. I don't know why I–”

Shadow sighed. The feeling of guilt bubbled in his chest. Familiar words reverberated in his mind, sparking a turmoil between his feelings and his ego that the latter lost.

“I'm sorry.”

It felt foreign on his tongue, and hung in the air between them. Sonic stilled, looking at him for a beat. He opened his mouth and closed it. Sonic rubbed under his nose before settling into a more relaxed position by leaning back. “No hard feelings. And don't look so down. For once, you can say you won a match against me.” Sonic smirked, but faltered when Shadow made no response. “C’mon, Shads. This isn't the worst we've done to each other.”

That was certainly true. Yet as brutal as their spars may become, there was always an unspoken element of mutuality. While Shadow had never disclosed any of his weaknesses or fears, with as well as Sonic saw through him, he was certain Sonic knew most of them. Never once had Sonic leveraged Shadow's weaknesses against him, and having done that to Sonic, Shadow felt like he had betrayed something.

“I'm not used to seeing you scared,” Shadow whispered, keeping his eyes on the ground in front of him. This was one of very few times he’d seen the emotion on Sonic, and it was at his own hand. He had scared Sonic. They were sparring, not fighting. There was no need to put any real threat to the scene. Yet he had. He had brought the spar into the water, pushed Sonic in, and held him there. And he didn’t remember what he had felt at that moment. Had he felt power or apathy? Had he done it because of his own will, or the instincts artificially ingrained into his being? He didn’t know, and he didn’t know which was worse.

“Oh.” Sonic said, then nudged Shadow’s shoulder, and lingered in that proximity. Sonic’s voice was low as he spoke. “I wasn’t scared of you, Shadow. Just the water and drowning bit. But never you.”

“Then you’re a fool.”

“Nah.” Sonic shook his head. “I mean, you did push it, and I’ll totally kick your ass if you try that again… But you also helped me through it when you realized it’d gone too far. I trust you because I know you, Shadow. You’re someone who in the end, always does the right thing. And besides, I know that deep down, you care about me as much as I care about you.”

Shadow huffed and looked away. He couldn’t deal with the other anymore. Abruptly, he stood up with the rocks shifting under him enough that he would have fallen if not for his air shoes igniting to catch his balance. He held out his hands and eased Sonic up when he took them. 

And for a brief moment, they stood hand in hand in front of the river. Sonic’s eyes were soft and seemed to glow in the moonlight. They were green like the Earth's flora, another reminder of how he was foreign to the night. He gave Shadow a lopsided smile, but when Shadow felt Sonic's thumb rub over the back of his hand, he broke the moment.

“Let's get you home.”

And before Sonic could argue, they had teleported in front of Tails's house. And before Sonic could process what had happened, Shadow let go of him and knocked hard against the front door three times, certainly loud enough to wake the fox that slept inside.

“Shadow!” Sonic blurted, appalled. But he was already gone. Within a few moments, a tired but anxious Tails appeared to see his brother at their door, soaking wet in the middle of the night. Hurriedly, he began asking if Sonic was okay, what had happened, and was ushering him inside.

From around the corner, Shadow barely caught Sonic’s beginning of an excuse before the door shut. He slumped against the wall, rubbing his hands over his face before taking off.

Shadow didn't know why he was so cruel to anyone who got close. 

He feared he’d tarnish the brightness of those he cared about. He felt guilty for keeping anyone in his life. For any positivity offered to him, all he could give in reciprocation was pain. He did not understand why others stayed. He had to let go of others, and if they didn’t let go, Shadow would shove them off. Should he not, he would drag them down with him.

In the end, all Shadow did was hurt others, but at least Shadow could leave Sonic with someone capable of caring for him. Shadow sped up his skating until his legs burned. He knew he couldn't be sleeping that night.

Notes:

If you liked this, the story is continued in the series!
It gets happier! (Or there is more comfort to go along with the hurt at least)