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Henry can’t stop thinking about Jasper. More precisely, he can’t stop thinking about Jasper’s hugs. And even more precisely, he can’t stop thinking about the hug Jasper gave him when he and Ray got back from the past.
Jasper didn’t even know how afraid Henry was, had no way of knowing Henry thought he’d lost him and Charlotte forever, but somehow he seemed to sense how much Henry needed the hug. Just one moment of safety and comfort amid all the danger. It was a haven: Jasper’s head nestled in his shoulder, warm arms embracing him and gentle fingers in his hair. Henry staggered backwards with the force of it and the knowledge that Jasper was putting his all into the hug was so sweet, so comforting.
It had to end eventually and Henry was thrown back into the harsh reality where he had to defeat Drex. Very quickly he realised that there was nothing he wanted more than to get a hug like that from Jasper again, to be surrounded by him and never have to leave his refuge. But asking for it just feels weird. A little dumb, even. He’s practically a superhero, he should be fine. He shouldn’t need bear hugs and gentle caresses. He should be tough and unbreakable, like Ray. He can’t be that way physically because he’s just not indestructible, but he should be able to do it emotionally. Right?
He’s sure Charlotte would vehemently disagree, but he hasn’t really told her. Again, it feels dumb. It makes him feel small and weak, like a little kid. (Wasn’t he a little kid when this all began, though? Doesn’t it make sense that everything is catching up with him now?) She and Jasper know that he gets overwhelmed sometimes, that he just can’t deal with it anymore. It’s pathetic enough without this stupid longing for another hug from Jasper.
And it doesn’t help that he wants other things, too. To make Jasper smile, to see him happy. To be there for him when his parents lock him out of the house. To defend him against Piper. He doesn’t really understand these feelings because while obviously he wants Charlotte to be happy it just doesn’t feel the same, so he pushes them down, too. He brushes off all the times Jasper talks about growing old together and never leaving his side and pretends he finds it weird and it doesn’t make his heart do all kinds of strange things. Maybe it’s not nice to Jasper, but he doesn’t really seem to mind. He just keeps being him. Henry never wants to lose him, and that’s another thing he shoves down. He doesn’t have time for stupid things like this, he tells himself. They’re buddies, they have been for years. It’s fine. Everything is fine.
So, no hugs. But he can’t stop himself from reaching out. He sits closer to Jasper than he used to, he puts a hand on his shoulder when he doesn’t need to. It only seems to make things worse: Jasper is so close, but Henry still isn’t getting the hug he so desperately longs for.
After a while it’s more a matter of stubbornness than anything else. He’s Kid Danger. He should be this way and so he is this way. It doesn’t matter how he feels about it: this is what he’s chosen. The tough Kid Danger facade feels like second nature now, he’s not going to give it up for such a silly little want. (Even if sometimes he’s not sure who Henry Hart is anymore, if sometimes late at night he wishes he’d never accepted the job. But he has. This is who he is, now.)
One day, in the Man Cave when no one else is in the main area, Jasper asks him about his moments of weakness. “What’s been going on with you?” are the precise words he uses.
“Nothing,” Henry says defensively. And really, it is nothing. Nothing that should affect a basically-superhero, anyway. And definitely nothing that Jasper should be worrying about.
“You’re lying, there’s definitely something. You’ve been acting weird.”
“What are you talking about?” Henry stares resolutely ahead, gaze turned away from Jasper.
“You’ve been getting all up in my personal space but when I reach out to you, you act like I’m contagious or something. That is not normal.”
Henry chances a glance at Jasper. He looks genuinely worried. Honestly, Henry hadn’t even realised he’d been reacting that way to Jasper’s touch, but now that he’s mentioned it he can see it, too. It’s just that he wants it so bad and when he gets it unexpectedly, it feels like such a big deal and it stirs up feelings he doesn’t understand and would prefer to shove deep down and he gets scared. But again, that’s stupid. God, why does Henry have so many stupid feelings?
“That is not true,” he just says. Jasper, unsurprisingly, does not look convinced. He scoots a little closer to Henry on the couch, close enough to touch. If Henry moved a little bit in his direction, they’d practically be cuddling.
“Come on, Hen. Just tell me. You know I won’t judge you, I only want to help.” He’s so sincere and Henry does know, he knows that Jasper’s never been anything but a devoted, loyal friend and that if he just asked for a hug Jasper would grant it immediately, no questions asked. But he’s just - well, he’s not supposed to be like this. Is he?
“Please, Henry.” His eyes are so big and kind of desperate, and he’s so close and it’s making Henry a little dizzy and he really can’t bear seeing Jasper all sad.
“I just - remember when Ray and I went back in time to fight Drex?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you - you hugged me, when we came back. Really long.”
“Should I not have?” And he looks heartbroken now and shit, Henry’s only making things worse, he’s upsetting his best friend in the whole world and he hastily tries to make it right again.
“No, it was great, actually, that’s the thing. It felt really nice,” he admits. Jasper gives a small smile. Henry counts it as a win.
“So then what’s the problem?” Jasper asks gently.
“I guess I kind of really want to hug you again,” Henry mumbles. “But it’s stupid and I’m fine, really, so you can just chill, okay?”
“Why didn’t you just ask me?” There’s a hand on his arm now and it’s all Henry can look at. Jasper is squeezing softly, making Henry feel a little weak in the knees and his stomach full of butterflies.
“I told you, it’s dumb. I shouldn’t need any of that. But I really wanted to hug you so I guess I just kind of subconsciously tried to be close to you. And when you tried to touch me, I got scared of my stupid feelings. It’s dumb.” Jasper is caressing his arm now and Henry has to resist the urge to close his eyes and let Jasper do this forever.
“It’s not dumb,” Jasper tells him earnestly. “You’re not dumb, Henry. You’re the best person I know. You’ve been through so much, it makes sense that you’d need some comfort sometimes. And you know I only ever want to help you.” Henry swallows heavily, overwhelmed by the solemnity in his voice and his eyes.
“Yeah, I know,” he whispers. He wants to argue, but he can’t, not when Jasper is like this. Not when everything he’s wanted for months now is so, so close. Not when he’s so incredibly tired, and he just wants to feel safe.
“So do you want a hug?” Jasper asks him and Henry comes undone. All he can do is nod as he falls into Jasper’s open arms and the tears start coming. Jasper is so soft, so gentle in the way he holds Henry in his arms and rubs his back and strokes his hair and whispers sweet words. Too much of the touch Henry has known for years now is fighting, kicks and punches, and it’s a stark contrast to this.
He buries his face in Jasper’s neck and Jasper lets him shake and sob against him. He doesn’t even know what he’s crying about. Years of pent-up emotion, or the feeling that no matter what he does he’ll never be good enough, or any of the other things he thinks about as little as he can. Something about Jasper makes him finally let it all out. Maybe it’s just that he’s safe. He hasn’t felt this safe in a long, long time. He loves Jasper, he thinks, and normally when he even comes close to considering the possibility it makes him panic because it’s weird and new and he doesn’t get it but now, it’s a quiet realisation that settles in his chest with ease as Jasper holds onto him like he loves him, too.
“I’m sorry, Henry,” Jasper murmurs into his hair. He presses a kiss to Henry’s temple, he wipes some of the tears away. “So sorry. You deserve the world.”
Slowly, Henry calms down. He doesn’t let go of Jasper. He doesn’t want to let go. It’s (once again) dumb, but he has the awful creeping sense that if he lets go of Jasper now, he’s never going to get to have this again. This was just another moment of weakness. After this they’ll go back to normal, but Henry doesn’t want to. He wants to stay in this moment forever. After a while he’s not crying anymore but he’s clutching onto Jasper with all his might, his hands balled up in his shirt.
“Are you okay?” Jasper asks. Henry realises just how tightly he’s holding on and relaxes his grip. He nods briefly.
“Yeah. Sorry.” He tries to sit up and let go of Jasper, but Jasper’s arms stay wrapped around him.
“If you want to stop, that’s fine. But I get the sense that you don’t. You don’t have to be embarrassed, Hen. I’d be happy to hug you whenever and as long as you want.”
Henry relaxes a little at the words. He wonders what he did to deserve Jasper. Sweet, weird, understanding Jasper, who has never failed to be there for Henry. He settles back against Jasper and rests his head against his chest and finally allows himself to close his eyes.
“Thank you,” he mumbles. He’s so tired and Jasper’s so warm. He feels a hand tentatively caress his cheek, then move up to stroke his hair. He doesn’t really know what’s going on, if this is going to change anything, but it doesn’t matter. Things with Jasper have always been a little weird, it’s just that now Henry finally lets himself be okay with it. All that really matters is that he has Jasper and that he feels truly content for the first time in far too long.
“Night night,” he whispers as he feels himself drifting off and with a kiss to his head, he falls asleep.