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She was in the dark hallway again, the elevator to her back, its maw open and ready to swallow her whole.
Ms Casey knew it wasn’t right, it was selfish and unkierlike to push ahead; she was robbing her outie of precious seconds in paradise above. But she had to know.
Ms Casey didn’t take note of her clothes, they were the same as before and gaping at the soft, comfortable material and lack of constraining footwear had cost her last time.
She didn’t wait for Mr Milchick to get between her and the severed floor again. It was like old times, she simply opened the door and there was no one there. After her first 30 hours, management could count on her to go where she was supposed to go and do what she was supposed to do without direct instruction.
It was only that one day, when she was called upon to watch over Helly R, that Ms Cobel was there, telling her to head on down to MDR. She remembered the directions she had given her and she followed in her own footsteps. She had to know.
Off she went, down the corridors: left, pass, pass, right, pass, pass, pass, left, right, pass, left, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, right, left, right, pass, right, pass, left. Unencumbered by high heels, she moved both swiftly and silently.
There, emblazoned on the wall by the door, was “Macrodata Refinement”. It looked different inside, the desks were awkwardly arranged in a set of three. Her mind went to the worst. On top of that only one was occupied. Against her better nature, Ms Casey huffed in frustration. Dylan G was not who she had wanted to see here.
Her exhalation drew his eyes from the monitor, he had to push his glasses up his nose to confirm who was before him.
“Ms Casey? They woke you up in pajamas?” He looked at her with earnest concern. He stood but made no motion to approach.
She walked deeper into the office, in the hallway she was exposed to any possible passing manager. Better closer to Dylan than the Break Room. She could just return to whence she came after she got her answer. She recalled what she had tried to ask Milchick before he cut her off. “How long have I been gone?”
“They told me I was out for about five months after they fired you, it’s been a few weeks since then.” Almost half a year. That was a few magnitudes more than she had ever been awake to begin with.
Then there was the next question she never got an answer to, or even the chance to ask: “Where’s Helly R?” She considered the desks again, “Did she commit suicide?” Tears pricked at her eyes; she had failed Helly, after all.
The confines of the Wellness Room had restricted Ms Casey’s feelings to a very narrow range after her orientation. Watching Helly in her natural environment and noting every detail of her behavior had been more stimulating than the last hundred times she had been awake.
She had imagined that this might be what it felt like to stay up past one’s bedtime, watching movies with friends, or all alone.
Helly’s slipping off with Mark S was even more exhilarating than that. Ms Casey had not felt fear in a long time—her heart raced, her breath quickened, all beyond anything she could easily recall.
Running around the halls, keeping track of where she was, where she had turned, how to get back: it was challenging. She even worked up a slight sweat, another completely novel sensation. None of it pleasant, but it was so fresh.
What was pleasant was the relief she experienced when that red hair, the most vivid color she had yet been permitted to see, came into view. She schooled her face, didn’t let the two of them see it, but her stomach did flips when she was finally assured of their safety.
It was easy to forgive Mark for messing with her. She couldn’t conceive why he had done it or why Helly went along with it, but seeing her there, more content than she had been before, put Ms Casey at ease.
Maybe it had all been for the best; the three of them had their little adventure and could now return to normalcy. They walked behind her, so they never caught her struggling to reign in a smile.
In the Break Room, Ms Casey had asked repeatedly if Helly had hurt herself while she was out of sight or if she had killed herself later because of something Ms Casey failed to notice. Ms Cobel, as always, never deigned to answer. She could really only assume the worst and it didn’t take long for the compunction statement to ring true—what made the punishment last was her inability to finish it without a sob or uncontrollable shuddering breath interrupting her, forcing Ms Cobel to tell her to begin again.
She couldn’t forgive Mark when she saw him after, not because it was his fault she was there in that hallway, but because it was both of theirs that Helly wasn’t anywhere anymore.
Dylan’s hand on her arm snapped her out of these thoughts. “No, she’s fine.”
That couldn’t be true—Dylan was lying to her in some attempt to make her feel better, to shield her from the consequences of her inadequacy. The conflicted look on his face gave the game away.
“Well…” he started, here it is, “fine as she could be, really. But she’s alive, I promise.”
Wetness was already trailing down her face, the taste of salt and mucus in her mouth again. “Then where is she?” she almost spat out at him.
She had come for an answer, not a comforting lie. She never lied to her patients, she always told them the truth about their outies, as well as she knew it. She had faith in the reports provided to her before those sessions, but she couldn’t have faith in Dylan. He was not Lumon, he was fallible like the rest of them, like her.
“She’s in the outer halls, looking around. Didn’t you hear that noise?” She shook her head in the negative.
He asked how long she had been awake, and sure enough the loud boom had happened a little before she came to.
“Helly wanted to look around, see if it came from somewhere on the floor. I’m covering for her.” This was beginning to sound more plausible, it would at least be a weird lie to make up on the spot. That same feeling of relief began to seep into her bones, causing her to tremble a little.
Dylan herded her to the Kitchenette and slotted a token into the vending machine. He placed a light green box in front of her.
“Have one, you need one.” He popped the box open and inside there were little swirly discs, green, white, and pink. She grabbed one and put it in her mouth. It was cold, even though it didn’t feel cold in her hand. It was sweet and she could feel it shrinking on her tongue. By the time it had completely dissolved, her whole body felt regular again, stable.
She had almost forgot Dylan was there, hovering on the other side of the table, watching her.
“Thank you,” she breathed out.
“It’s nothing,” he leaned back against the wall, but still seemed a little stiff. Her face apparently told him she noticed it. She had that effect on people, she supposed. “Sorry,” he finally said.
“For what?”
“If I ever, um, made you uncomfortable when you were here,” his gaze stayed on her face.
“I forgive you,” she said in her usual, controlled intonation, “I also apologize if I ever caused you any discomfort.”
He scoffed at her in a friendly way, dismissing her apology as unnecessary, her manners not warranting forgiveness; he accepted her as she was. Inexplicably, her chest fluttered a little.
She considered having another candy, but suddenly a familiar click-clack came from the hall, before being dampened by the MDR carpet.
“Dylan?” Helly called out. He rushed to the entry of the Kitchenette and silently waved Helly inside. Then, there she was, just as Ms Casey remembered her: lurching forward, fists perpetually balled up at her side, copper hair with a million fly-aways, and big round eyes pointed right at her.
“Helly R, I see you are alive and well, I’m relieved.”
“Fucking likewise, Ms Casey!” Helly rushed forward, suddenly towering over Ms Casey’s seated figure, only to crouch down to meet her at eye level, “where have you been?”
Ms Casey could hardly process the question. Helly was relieved for her? Had thought about her at all while she was gone?
“Wait, how would you even know that? Duh. I mean how did you get here?”
“I don’t know why I’m here, I just came up the elevator and walked over.”
Dylan piped in, “Up?”
Ms Casey nodded, as if it was obvious.
“The elevators that go out go up from here, Ms Casey, if your’s goes down, it means you never really leave,” Helly explained.
“But, Mr Milchick told me-”
“Mr Milchick lies, almost exclusively,” Helly was near breathless, “We have to get you out of here.” Before Ms Casey could respond, Helly was grabbing her hand and leading her out of the Kitchenette, out of MDR, and into the outer hallways again at a significant clip.
“Keep watch Dylan!” Helly shouted over her shoulder as they departed.
“Aye aye!” Dylan yelled back.
Ms Casey had truly intended to just return to the hallway she came from once she had her answer as to Helly’s safety, but now that she knew what waited beyond those doors was not the outside world—where some version of her got to have Frolic—but a complete unknown—possibly nothing, maybe worse than nothing—she had no qualms following Helly wherever she would take her.
As they rushed, Helly started elaborating on their circumstances: “There was some kind of explosion upstairs, I think. All of management seems to be dealing with it. Mark has been gone for a few days and Milchick has been flipping his lid. Me too, honestly.” They reached the bend that lead to the stairwell.
Only then did Helly release Ms Casey’s hand to dislodge the fire extinguisher from its case on the wall. The bright red reminded her of the red arrow she had once associated with the freedoms she was denied, with the red hair of the woman who denied restriction altogether, refused to be hemmed in, who now was determined to free her.
“Mark’s plan was to go with you, but he’s not here and I can’t, so I’ll just try my best to tell your outie what to do, ok?” It was a lot to take in.
“Why was Mark going to go with me?” Did he feel that bad about their last encounter? She had tried to reassure him then, but he hadn’t seemed too comforted.
Helly’s face, which had been all determination before, was suddenly hesitant, pained. She grimaced at the door and then at Ms Casey. She tried to speak, “You’re…” she put the extinguisher down. “You have people out there who love you, who miss you.”
That much she had always assumed. What was news to Ms Casey was that there were people on the severed floor who missed her, who cared for her. Now she had to leave them? But how could she stay, either? It all seemed so impossible.
Ms Casey looked through the small window on the door. Her own face looked back at her, looking rather frightened, she noted. “I’m scared to go.” She wished she had another mint now, to steady herself. She actually wasn’t sure if that would be enough, in this case. Helly appeared over her shoulder in the reflection.
“I know. I’m scared of what you’ll find up there, but I think it’s your only chance,” briefly, something flashed across Helly’s face, “I’m sorry this is the best I can do for you.”
Ms Casey turned back to face her, they were close now, looking dead on at each other.
“May I,” Ms Casey struggled to get the words out, “may I request a-”
Helly pulled her into a tight embrace, trapping her arms by her side not unpleasantly. The crushing force of Helly’s strong arms was the best sensation she had felt yet. It was as if some of Helly’s bravery was transferring through what little skin of theirs was touching, it certainly burned where they made contact, a good burn.
When Helly pulled away, she gave her a solid nod. Yes, she could do this, it communicated.
Helly pushed her back a little and raised the fire extinguisher to the glass. She smashed it and everything turned red, sirens screamed at them to stop, but neither of them heeded the warning. Ms Casey now felt bathed in Helly’s convictions, she swam in Helly’s reddened reality, willing to face that yawning abyss for the chance of something more.
Helly threw the extinguisher back down the hall, past the both of them, and reached through the window carefully to open the door from the other side. She made sure her head did not ever pass through the threshold at any point.
Ms Casey approached the stairwell, her confidence wavering a little until she looked over at Helly, who was looking at her like she was a tiger or some other big animal, capable of anything.
“Helly,” she spoke loudly over the blaring sirens, “thank you for being nice to me.” Helly’s eyes softened at that. Ms Casey wanted to do something else, something more, something was tugging her closer to Helly, but she didn’t know what and they didn’t have time. She was wasting precious seconds again, so she took a step through the door.
She didn’t hear Helly say anything, she didn’t even hear the door click behind her before it was back to oblivion, but she went forward without fear, with faith that she would see her friends again and taste mint again and smile again and be hugged tight to Helly’s chest once more. It was a blind faith, but in it she truly believed.