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He was alone in the hotel room, an empty bottle of wine scattered shattered around him. It was supposed to be a long weekend getaway. Something light and easy and fun. It was a shitty motel room right in front of the red glowing vacancy sign and the sea was just barely seen in the distance but the beach was still in walking distance. The rain cooled down what would be impossible heat, so now there’s just a slight chill from a sea breeze.
The argument had kicked off at dinner. Someone two tables down had proposed, and James had made an offhand comment about that being them eventually. Eventually. And Regulus had freaked out. The thought of something permanent that was good was asinine. A Black never had a happy ending.
They had come back to the hotel and fought hard. They both had such big emotions that sometimes, the only way to let them out was yelling or fucking. This time, they yelled. They screamed. And in the end, James stormed out, slamming the door behind him with the final words, I need space.
Regulus scrambled after him, throwing open the door but James was already heading down the stairs to the front desk to book another room for the night.
He ended up on the floor, his back resting against the bed while he looked out the window. He was a sorry sight, knees drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped around them as if they could protect him. But Regulus doesn’t need to be protected, does he?
James needs to be protected from him. Him who is sinking. Drowning. Burning.
"Hi! This is James. Please leave a message after the beep."
“James,” Regulus croaked to the voicemail. “I know you said you need space. I’ll give it to you. But I…” he trailed off. “It’s been seven hundred, sixty-three days since I’ve last slept alone either with you beside me or over the phone with you. And two thousand two hundred and fifty five days that I’ve been telling you good night, if not in person then over the phone.” He chuckled. “That’s not to guilt you or anything. After that fight, we need the distance. I just don’t want to create too much that suddenly we’re lost from one another.”
Regulus swallowed and just as he opened his mouth to continue, the phone beeped to let him know his message was too long and disconnected. He dialed again, waiting until it rang to voicemail once again.
“Sorry. You might get a few of these. I have a lot to say that I don’t think I can say to you in person. It’s not your fault that I can’t. It’s mine. I’m a silly, stupid, ridiculous man.” He quirks a smile. “When we first got together, I was convinced you’d be able to tell I was a fraud of a man. I spent so much time running away, mostly from myself, that I couldn’t tell I was running towards something. It was you by the way.”
The phone beeps again and Regulus pulls the phone away to dial again. He has to get this out.
“Right, as I was saying,” he chuckled weakly. “I was, and still am, terrified that if we get married you’ll see that I’m not enough. Peter once said that he didn’t think anybody could love if they didn’t love themself and that one sentence has followed me since he said it two years ago. It was a dig at me. He still doesn’t like me, but I was terrified one day you’d wake up and wonder how can I love you if I don’t love myself. How could I give you all of me when I’m only half a man.” Regulus shook his head. “It’s not stupid, but what is stupid is that I didn’t tell you all this before. I let it sit and fester. Until you finally said, When we get married tonight at dinner. It felt like the beginning of the end.”
The phone beeped again and Regulus sat with his phone for a second before he called again.
“So one last thing before I’m going to try to sleep but honestly, I’m just going to sit and stare at the ceiling. I know I’m not getting an answer tonight, in fact, I don’t want one. But when we get married, because I want to, I want to walk down the aisle with you. And I want our vows to be said in private, in the middle of a field, under the stars.” Regulus inhaled harshly. “I’m not ready right now. I need…time. But give me a little time and we will have the best wedding, followed by the best honeymoon, and then followed by the best rest of our lives, whatever that may be. Okay?”
“Okay, baby.” Regulus jumps, staring at the phone to see James had picked up and Regulus hadn’t even noticed in his rambling.
“James,” Regulus breathed out. “Hi. Oh. Hello.”
“Hi,” he responded weakly. “Someday?”
“Sooner than you think,” Regulus promised, his voice getting caught in his throat all over again. “In one year. We’ll get married.”
“Is that a proposal, Mr. Black?” James whispered, sounding teary through the phone.
“It’s a promise,” Regulus said. “Okay. You sleep well, okay? Once we’ve had our space. We’ll get breakfast at that place you want to eat at with the waffles. We’ll go to the Aquarium and the beach and the boardwalk and do everything you want. I love you.”
“I know you do.” James sniffed. “I love you, too.”
Regulus hung up. It wasn’t until two hours later when James snuck back into the room, wrapped himself around Regulus, and buried his head in his neck that they were both able to fall asleep.