Chapter Text
Elphaba had always been good at hiding things. She learned the art of pretending at a young age, masking her emotions behind a carefully constructed smile that never betrayed what lay broken beneath the surface. It was a means of survival, and it was all she knew.
Until Galinda.
Letting Galinda into her life and into her heart was a challenge. No one had ever loved her before. No one had ever cared for her. No one had truly seen her. But Galinda gave all of it and more, like it was the easiest thing in the world.
Elphaba trusted Galinda more than anyone. She felt safe with her and more at home than she ever had. But there were still parts of herself she couldn’t bring herself to share. She had let Galinda in to some degree, but there were corners of her mind she deemed too dark. She could never burden her sweet love with such horrors.
Elphaba’s past clung to her like a silent companion, manifesting in new ways each time she thought she might finally be free. For the past few weeks, Elphaba’s darkest memories had visited her at night, creeping into her dreams and pulling her back to a place she only wanted to escape.
She hadn’t told Galinda about it. How could could she explain that when the lights went out and all sound faded away, unassuming shadows grew into demons from her past, rising up along the walls and whispering things only she could hear? Sleep had become a threat— something she had no choice but to avoid. Her body begged for rest but her mind wouldn’t let her give in to the horrors that waited patiently for the moment she closed her eyes. Elphaba couldn’t handle it. How could she expect Galinda to? So, she kept it to herself, pulling the covers up each night and pretending to fall asleep beside her, opening her eyes the moment she heard Galinda’s soft snore.
But Galinda noticed. Of course she did.
Galinda would watch Elphaba throughout the day, seeing through the facade and noting the subtle changes in her demeanor. Galinda sat close during their shared classes, discretely offering Elphaba a hand to hold underneath the desk. She hoped these small gestures made Elphaba feel loved and safe, despite whatever was haunting her beautiful mind.
"Are you sure you’re okay?" Galinda had asked more times than Elphaba could count, her bright brown eyes filled with concern. She didn’t want to push, but she could see Elphaba crumbling before her.
"I’m fine," Elphaba would always say, hoping Galinda would take her at her word. She wasn’t ready to let Galinda see this side of her, no matter how many opportunities Galinda gave her to change her mind.
Galinda wasn’t fooled. She knew Elphaba was hiding something. She saw the dark circles under her eyes and the way she dragged her feet some days. She didn’t miss the way Elphaba’s mind would sometimes go hazy, like she didn’t have the energy to organize her thoughts.
Night came once more, and Elphaba settled into bed next to Galinda, giving her a quick kiss before turning off the pink glow of the bedside lamp. Galinda wrapped her fingers around Elphaba’s arm and snuggled close, as Elphaba got comfortable and prepared herself for another sleepless night. She closed her eyes and waited for the soft snore she adored so much. She didn’t have to wait long. Galinda’s breaths came softly and Elphaba felt the gradual loosening of the fingers on her arm.
Galinda slept peacefully beside her as the shadows began their dance. Time dragged on and the room grew colder. That quiet feeling of dread swept in and reclaimed her. She was powerless, body stiffening and hands trembling. She couldn’t take it anymore. She gently removed Galinda’s hand from her arm and slipped out of bed. She turned back to look at Galinda for a moment. Even in sleep she was perfect, and Elphaba couldn’t help the small smile that briefly crossed her face.
She carefully walked across their room, opening the balcony doors as quietly as she could. Elphaba would sit outside some nights, the cold air shocking her system into a manageable numbness. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around herself, beginning her descent into the solemn reverie that would hold her until morning.
Some time later, Galinda stirred, breaking Elphaba out of her trance. She held her breath, hoping Galinda would settle. But, the bed shifted and Elphaba heard the familiar rustling of sheets.
"Elphie?"
She didn’t answer. Maybe Galinda would think she was in the bathroom and go back to sleep. The sound of the bed creaking and Galinda’s light footsteps told her this was not the case.
Galinda appeared in the doorway, looking down at Elphaba with sleepy eyes and a furrowed brow. "What’s wrong, Elphie? Why didn’t you wake me?"
"I… I couldn’t sleep,” Elphaba said, her voice wavering slightly as the lie hung between them.
Galinda’s gaze softened and she observed Elphaba intently for a moment. Without a word, she walked over to where Elphaba was sitting and lowered herself onto the ground beside her. Elphaba hadn’t noticed how much she’d been shivering until Galinda’s warm body tenderly leaned against her.
The weight of everything unspoken began to overwhelm Elphaba, and she couldn’t understand why she didn’t just tell Galinda the truth. This beautiful girl who had opened her whole heart to her, who loved her unconditionally and never judged her— she deserved better than this.
Galinda’s hand, gentle and steady, reached out and wrapped around Elphaba’s, grounding her in an instant. Elphaba blinked as a tear suddenly slipped down her cheek. She didn’t even realize she had been crying.
"Elphie… Why haven’t you been sleeping?" Galinda’s voice was soft but searching, the concern clear in her tone. "Please, talk to me. If there’s something I can do—"
Elphaba shook her head, her body trembling and shivering as she pulled her knees closer to her chest. "There’s nothing you can do, Galinda," Elphaba whispered, her voice barely there. "There’s nothing I can do, except this. I’m broken… and I don’t think that’s ever going to change. But worse than that—" Elphaba hesitated, "I’m scared. Scared of what’s in my dreams… what’s in my head."
Galinda’s heart broke as she listened to Elphaba’s words, the vulnerability in her voice giving her a glimpse of the fragile girl underneath her armored exterior.
"You are not broken, Elphaba." Galinda spoke gently, but with a firm reassurance. "Nothing you have ever shared with me has made me think any less of you. You’ve been hurt. And you’ve experienced things I can’t imagine. But I am here and I’m not going anywhere. So as soon as you’re ready, you can lean on me, Elphie."
"I don’t want to burden you," Elphaba murmured after a moment, her voice breaking. "I want to let you in completely… and just let go. But, I also want to keep you safe."
Galinda smiled sadly, seeing the love and protectiveness in Elphaba’s eyes. She shuffled closer, resting her head on Elphaba’s shoulder. "You could never be a burden, Elphie. I love you. All of you. I love that you feel the need to protect me, but I’ll be okay. I promise. I’ll feel safer knowing that I’m doing everything I can to make you feel safe and happy."
Elphaba was silent for a moment, taking her time to process Galinda’s words. Galinda rested comfortably against her shoulder, gently stroking her hand and giving her all the time she needed to think things through in her own way.
"Okay," Elphaba said after a while, leaning to rest her head on Galinda’s.
"Okay," Galinda said with a smile, bringing Elphaba’s hand to her lips and kissing it softly.