Chapter Text
“Dazai,” Mori greeted him, “Is there a reason that you’re sitting on my desk?”
“Yup!” The man in question said, kicking his feet back and forth, “I’m calling a meeting.”
“A meeting?”
“Between you and me and a couple detectives!”
“Where and when, exactly”
“Its a surprise and now, let’s go!”
“You couldn’t have warned me at atleast an hour ago?!”
“I like keeping you on your toes old man,” Dazai snarked, yanking him by the scarf.
“I’m not old!” He snapped, trying to get him to loosen his iron grip, “Also when was the last time you ate?”
“I had breakfast, lunch and dinner today, stop fussing over me in an attempt to distract me, mother.”
“Am I your mother or an old man?”
“Yes.”
“Sometimes you make no sense.”
“I got that from you.”
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“They’re late,” Ranpo remarked, staring up at the night sky.
“No shit Sherlock,” Saigiku snarked behind him, “What on earth would we ever do without you and your Super Deduction?”
“The stars look beautiful, I don’t suppose you would know though.”
“Fuck you.”
“I’ll tell the president that you’re swearing again.”
“Stop being a child!”
“Nu-uh!”
“The fuck you mean nu-uh?!”
“NU-UH!”
“Are we interrupting?”
“No!” Saigiku snapped, feeling their cheeks flush.
The owner of the weird heartbeat cracked some part of their body, “Anyways I called us all out here to deal with the Guild.”
“The shadowy American organization?”
“The shadowy American organization.”
“I hate Americans,” They grumbled.
“Honestly, same,” Weird Heartbeat agreed, “Also we forgot to introduce ourselves, I’m Dazai Osamu, he/him pronouns currently.”
“Ranpo, he/they pronouns, just fluctuate between the two.”
“Jouno Saigiku, they/them pronouns, they don’t change.”
“Mori Ougai, he/him pronouns, they also don’t change.”
“Great!” Dazai said, clapping his hands together, “Now we can go back to taking down the Americans!”
“Dear, why are we taking them down?” Mori inquired.
The mood seemed to shift as Dazai said, with a freezing tone, “They started this, I’m ending it.”
Ranpo coughed, trying to elevate the mood, “So, what's the guild?”
“A collection of rich people with no concern for those below them.”
“So basically the government.” Mori remarked.
“Why do they want Atsushi?” Ranpo interjected.
Dazai seemed briefly startled, before letting out a hollow laugh, “I see that the Armed Detective Agency’s top detective truly lives up to their moniker.”
“It was child’s play,” Ranpo boasted.
Mori inserted himself into the conversation, “What are we planning on doing with the guild?”
“Simple,” Dazai said, “Ruin them.”
“Ruin them how?”
“Fitzregald’s ability relies on her money, we need to severely decrease it, with the added benefit of the other members turning on her in a bid to take control.”
“And then what?” Saigiku snarked, “We ask whoever’s in charge to nicely leave and never return?”
“No, the port mafia will make a deal with our friend Fitizregald, and help her take back power if she never tries to go after Yokohama again.”
“What stops her from turning on us the second we let her go?”
“Because we’ll give her what she wants, and be able to hold something over her head.”
“How do we take her money in the first place?” Saiguki blurted out.
“I can crash her stocks no problem, but the vault will be the main sticking point.”
They frowned, “Security?”
“Motion tracking cameras with infrared vision and a keycode that changes on the minute with guards stationed inside, it’s airtight and has no vents.”
“But they need oxygen tanks, to be able to have guards inside of the vault right?” Ranpo piped up.
They immediately understood what they meant, “Ranpo no, I am not doing that again.”
They could feel the puzzlement rolling off Mori, “What do you two mean?”
“He wants Jouno to use their ability to get inside the oxygen tank to infiltrate the vault, can you do that?”
“Just call me Saigiku, I have multiple siblings,” They sighed, “In theory yes, but I’ve only done something like this a handful of times and in places where a little dust is practically invisible, how am I supposed to get inside an oxygen tank!”
“What about the contents of the vault?” Mori asked.
“That’s the easiest part,” They said, annoyed by the confusion radiating off of Mori and Dazai, “Ranpo gimme.”
He sighed, handing them a candy, “I want it back when you’re done.”
They held it in their hand for a moment, testing the weight before dissolving it into dust.
Mori delicately coughed, “I don’t think you’re getting that candy back Ranpo.”
“Shush,” They said, exhaling, the candy suddenly reappearing back into their hand like they hadn’t just turned it to dust, “Here you go Ranpo.”
He plucked it from their hand, “Gimme that back before you dust it again.”
“Huh,” Dazai said, “I guess that solves that problem.”
“How will you get in and out though?” Mori asked.
“Leave that to me.” Dazai said.