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“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial one in any love story."
Emil Ludwig
• ｡⋆𓇼˚ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 ˚ 𓇼⋆ ｡ •
"Only kiss someone if you truly care about them. Bad things will happen otherwise."
That's what his mother always told Sonny and his sisters. They listened to her, of course, to an extent. It took them each a few tries to really understand what she had meant before sticking to that rule. Bella, for example, had kissed Tommy early in their relationship after getting into a fight. A few minutes later, the cut that he swore was on his cheek was gone and Bella spent several minutes trying to convince him that there was not cut. It was just blood from the other guy that looked like a cut. She didn't kiss him again for a couple months after that and always discretely made sure he wasn't hurt first before doing so again.
Each of his sisters had at least one story like that. Teresa had more than the rest of than the others. Sonny still wasn't sure how she managed to talk one guy into thinking that he drank so much he only imagined falling down the stairs of the subway despite many people seeing it happen. Or one of her friends that what she saw was just a costume Teresa had gotten off Amazon. She always had a knack for getting people to believe whatever she wanted them to. Teresa would have made a great lawyer.
But that's what they had to do to keep their family and other families like them safe. If people knew what they could do, it would be chaos. The requests and demands for help, the constant interview offers, or even stalkers wanting to get pictures. His father was especially paranoid about some corrupt pharmaceutical company finding out and abducting them all. Or the government. Sonny wasn't sure what would happen, but still remembered the stories of the things that did happen centuries ago of children being kidnapped, so he swore to himself to never let anyone find out what they were. He wanted to protect his family.
He was careful. He never told anyone their secret. Never kissed someone if they had been hurt recently, something that upset more than a few partners. And always avoided going on dates that involved swimming. That last one was easy since it seemed most people in New York didn't care for swimming anyways. At least, not in his experience.
Sonny was always careful.
• ｡⋆𓇼˚ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 ˚ 𓇼⋆ ｡ •
The water surrounding him was cold. Cold enough to leech all the warmth from the human body; steal the air from it's lungs. If only Sonny could remember why he was there in the first place.
His mind was foggy.
The last thing he could remember was leaving Rikers. He had gone there because some pimp they had arrested last month wanted to talk about a deal. Exchange names for a lighter sentence. Barba hated making deal like this but knew it was for the best. If their guy really was part of yet another sex trafficking ring in New York, then they had to put an end to it. To save all the people trapped within. Even if Barba had his doubts about credible the guy would be as a witness given his history. But Barba was Barba and could win a case with no evidence or witnesses because he was just that good. Sonny even told him as much while they got in the car to leave.
His head was clearing up now.
Not enough to remember what happen. Just enough to realize that he was sitting in a car underwater with Barba in the passenger seat struggling to remove his seat belt.
Instinct told him to reach for his own. That something terrible had happened and they were hurt. In danger of drowning. That Barba was in danger. But his seat belt was already undone. It must have been Barba, Sonny thought. That Barba must of removed Sonny's seat belt first before trying for his own. Anyone who didn't know Rafael Barba would think it out of character, but those that did knew it wasn't. The despite how distant he acted at times, Barba cared deeply for others. He just didn't like them knowing. Given what he knew about the man, his father being abusive for one, Sonny never blamed him. He understood that kind of trauma was never easy to deal with and the effects last a life time. And he was grateful that Barba counted him amongst his friends, even if he didn't always act like.
Pushing down the panic that was threatening to begin, Sonny reached over to release Barba's seat belt. He would have to make a point later about how Barba could successfully tack on a gay hate crime to a gay perp in a rape trial but not undo his own seat belt; skill issue and all that. Barba would fire right with his remark about something did or didn't do once. Probably something about the mustache he had a few years ago. Then they would laugh about the whole later down the road over drinks one night, ignoring that there was definitely something more than friendship between but they were both too scared to do anything about it. They had gotten really good at that last part. Sonny pressed the button to release the buckle, ready to go home and soak in a hot bath to wash away the cold.
Nothing happened.
It must be because they were underwater. The water was probably causing a pressure imbalance or something. That was a thing that happened, right? It just needed more mussel. He pressed again, harder this time. And again. And a few more times. Then one last time with all the strength and will he had while trying to pull to seat belt out at the same time. Still nothing happened.
Sonny looked up to Barba's face, seeing it for the first since waking up. Despite the murkiness of the water he could see the cut on his forehead, the blood floating away from it with the current. The cut wasn't very big, but would leave mark. Along with the bruise that had started showing around Barba's right. God knew what other injuries he had. If Sonny was hurt too, the adrenaline hid it well, but that was not on his priority list at the moment. Barba was the one and only thing that mattered right now.
Fear was there as well. It something he never seen before or wanted to ever see again. Shaken, yes; who wouldn't be after identifying the man who kept threatening their life in a police line up. But never scared. Fear didn't suit Barba. He was confident and self assured; he didn't shy away from a challenge or wanted the world to know that.
But now here they were. Underwater in a car that had decided that today would be a good to have malfunctioning seat belt. What a cliche.
Barba choked out some air. His body desperate to breathe. To live. Clasping a hand over his mouth in a weak attempt to hold his breath longer, Barba pushed Sonny away with the other motioning upwards. Telling him to leave. To save himself. The panic from earlier made itself known now. What happened? Where did all this water come from? How long had he been out for? A few seconds or minutes? Were they underwater that entire time? How long had it been since Barba had last been able to breathe? How long could he hold his breath? How much longer until-
He was suppose to be careful. That's what his parents taught him to do, said they had to be. Or else something terrible would happen. Everyone would learn the truth. They would be exposed. Their family would be in danger. Sonny had to be careful. Had protect his family; so he should do what Barba was suggesting. Do the logical thing and just leave Barba there so he could be safe. Let Barba die to protect himself.
The same Barba who mentored him during law school, buying him the new set of law books because Sonny's used ones were falling apart. Allowed Sonny to shadow him, learn from him even before the called each other friend. The same man whose office he would sit in for hours after a shift just so they could talk under the guise of it being work related and not something more. Something not quite friends but not more than friends.
Rafael Barba with his mossy green eyes and blue tinted lips.
His father would be angry. His mother disappointed. He broke their rule. The golden rule. The one rule he always swore never to break. But Sonny was sure they would understand. They had do; he would make them understand. Without a second thought, Sonny wrapped a hand around the back of Barba's head and brought their lips together. It was stupid and impulsive. An act of desperation; but he didn't have any other choice Not one he was willing to take at least. Not with Barba.
There was a tingle were their lips touched; the same kind of tingle that Sonny felt when using menthol lip balm. Sudden and unpleasant and cold. It didn't occur to him until now just how cold the water was. How cold the bother were. Of course it was cold; it's only March. The water was near freezing. If Barba didn't die from drowning it would be from hypothermia. And keeping Barba from dying was all he could think about in that moment.
What a cruddy first kiss.
Pulling back, Sonny looked at Barba's face. Barba wasn't angry, like Sonny foolishly worried he might, but shocked and curious. The shock wasn't a surprise; neither was the curiosity. Barba trying to talk was however. Sonny was pretty sure he was saying "What the hell?" but it only came out as air bubbles. Just because he could breathe underwater now didn't mean he would be able to talk as well. One of many things Sonny would have to explain once they were out of this stupid car. There was a lot he would have to talk about later.
"Not now." Sonny spoke with a quick shake of his head. 'In for a penny' he thought bitterly. They didn't have time to waste. Kissing him had only bought Barba three minutes at most, if they were lucky. And it wouldn't work second time.
Now that Barba could breathe, Sonny could think clearly. The belt buckles was either jammed or out right broken, so that means they would have to cut it. Easy. Sonny had just the tool. He would later blame what was sure to be a concussion for him not remembering it sooner. A gift from his sister Gina who swore he would need it one day. As though she knew this would happen. Maybe she did. She always talked about her she was psychic.
"Right, let me just..." Sonny trailed off as he leaned across Barba and to the glove box. Opening it quickly, Sonny blindly searched around the various paper floating out it. After a few short seconds, for which Sonny was grateful, he found the emergency tool that had been tossed in the day he got. He was going to buy his sister than new $400 handbag she kept talking about. "Got it." Flashing a grin over his shoulder to Barba, he held up the tool with a slight wiggle. It looked like a box cutter with a pointed hammer on the end, the blade safely hidden in the corner of the top and the handle for safety. He pulled away just enough to be able to cut the seat belt and get them both out.
It took more effort than he thought it would. The blade wasn't very big or sharp, just enough to be able to cut but not all the way through. Sonny had practically hack it the seat belt to be able to cut through it. He would just get Gina a $20 gift card to Starbucks instead. After what felt like hours, the seat belt finally floated away from Barba's body in pieces allowing him to move freely. Not wanting to waste anymore of whatever time he had bought earlier, Sonny reached over Barba and prayed his door was still working.
The door opened with an ease Sonny wasn't expecting but was glad it did.
"Hurry up; go." Sonny ordered as he pushed Barba out of the car, ignoring the bits of debris floating around the inside of it. Sonny followed suit, not at all surprised to see Barba waiting for him. Slightly miffed, yes, but not surprised. He pushed Barba upwards and ignore the gnawing in his gut at how he was having to hold his breath again. They were out of the car and it's not like the river was miles deep. The hard part was over.
• ｡⋆𓇼˚ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 ˚ 𓇼⋆ ｡ •
They were at Barba's apartment. It was closer to the hospital they had been sent than Sonny's place. Sonny's wet belongings sat on the floor next to the front in a plastic bag given to him by a nurse. He could only assume Barba's were in his bedroom somewhere in a similar. When they go here, Barba didn't so much at first; just went straight to his room before swiftly returning with clothes for Sonny. He shoved them into Sonny's hands and pointed him towards the bathroom. "Go change." Sonny didn't argue. The scrubs they were scratchy and stiff. He was glad to be rid of them.
The clothes he had been given were not fancy or special. Just a pair of dark gray sweats and old, white graphic tee with a woman named Selena on the front. They fit better than he thought they would. The sweats, warm and soft, were a bit baggy but rested comfortable on his hips and all the way down to his ankles. The shirt was the same size Sonny normally wore. Who would have thought they wore similar sizes. It would have made been him giddy any other day. By the time he came out of the bathroom. Barba was already sitting on his couch wearing a pair of navy blue sweat and a plain white.
"So," Sonny walked towards him, not sure how to say it, "I'm a mermaid." He could have said it differently.
"You're a mermaid?" Barba said flatly, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Yeah, pretty much my whole family is."
"Your family are mermaids?" He cocked his head to the side a bit, looking at the wall behind Sonny but not seeing it. Just thinking.
"And not just mine; there's a bunch of us." He went on to explain. "We don't usually out ourselves like this, but given the situation I didn't have much choice." Barba sighed and sat back against his couch.
Sonny at down next to him, his body heavy. He felt suddenly felt more tired than he had in years. Barba must be too. After hours of being looked over by paramedics and then again by doctors, they were finally allowed to go leave. They seemed hesitant at first, but it's difficult to find a reason to keep uninjured man in the hospital without reason. And Barba was the picture of health by the time a they had gotten to the surface. So much so that the doctor questioned if he had even been in the car at all. The cut on his forehead had shrank to nothing more than a scratch, one that was now gone, and the bruising around his eyes had faded away. Sonny was sure any other injuries that he had were gone as well or would be soon enough.
They weren't as willing to let Sonny leave. Not before he had an MRI and x-rays. Being knocked unconscious in a car crash and then into a river really seemed to worry them about his health. Somehow, despite all of that, Sonny was more or less okay. He had a concussion, which was to be expected, along with bruising and a cracked rib but was overall okay. If the doctor had their way, Sonny would still be at the hospital for an overnight observation but let Sonny leave with the promise to come back immediately if everything felt off.
An officer who had followed them to the hospital demanded they go with him to his precinct; they needed to explain what happen and file a report. Barba somehow managed to convince him that they would stop by tomorrow to give statements. Not that it was needed since everything had been caught on the truck driver that had hit them dash cam. It was probably on Sonny's dash cam too, but no one really wanted to dive into the East River to get it. Their statements wouldn't do much beyond confirm they were in the car when struck. Well, Barba's would mean something. He could remember it clearly. The driver swerving into their lane. The sounds of metal clashing and scraping against each other. The barrier giving way and Sonny's car falling into the river. He remembered the water rising up and Sonny unconscious next him, seemingly helpless. Barba could remember it all while Sonny could remember nothing. It made his heart ache knowing how scared Barba must have been that entire time.
"It's a lot to take in, I guess." Sonny offered quietly. He didn't know what else to say. Barba nodded again, but seemed unsure. Of what Sonny couldn't say. The whole world maybe. After what he just went through, what he had learned, Sonny couldn't blame him. Part of him wanted to reach out, grab Barba's hand in attempt to comfort him. Or maybe it was just a selfish want to be closer. Being trapped like that made him acutely aware of much Barba had grown to mean to him. That it wasn't just a fleeting crush. Sonny stopped himself, though. Now wasn't the time. "I'm sorry, by the way."
"For what? Saving my life?" Sonny couldn't recall a time where Barba had ever been genuinely confused. Not even when being told that mermaids were real just a moment ago.
"No." he responded with smile. Who knew a Harvard educated man could be so dense. It was cute. "For kissing you. Without asking, I mean. I should know better in our line of work."
"Well, given the circumstances, I doubt anyone would complain." Barba gave him a soft smile. "I sure as hell am not."
Sonny hummed quietly to himself.
"How are you able to do that, though? Let someone-let me, breathe underwater?" A fair question. One knew Sonny would ask him.
"When we kiss a human it can let them breathe underwater." Sonny rubbed the back his neck; he never had to explain it before. "But only for a short time, three minutes at most. Not for life like us. And not constantly, either." Sonny was babbling now, his sentences short and speech rapid. Barba didn't seem to mind though, letting him talk uninterrupted. "So, we can't keep kissing you over and over again. Even if we wanted to."
"Even if you wanted to, huh?" Barba whisper quietly. A whisper that screamed in the silence between them. The silence that was all too familiar.One that often settled between them during those many late nights at Barba's office when Sonny was done picking his brain for the day. A silence that allowed them to just be there and pretend that they really just friends. That they would never be anything more than friends. A silence that Sonny had long since come to hate.
They sat like that for a long time. Barba lost in his thoughts and Sonny content to just sit with him as he processed everything. As time passed, however, Sonny began to feel like he was intruding. That he didn't belong. He may have just saved Barba's life but he also dropped a bombshell on it as well. What he learned today wasn't easy to swallow for anyone. Barba probably needed time for that and Sonny should let him have that.
"I should-" He started to move to stand and leave.
"Screw it." Barba cut him off. He grabbed Sonny by his borrow shirt and brought their lips together for a second time that day.
Their first kiss could hardly be a kiss. A means to end was a more apt description. Something that needed to be done so at the time to ensure Barba's survival. It was terrible and held no meaning. Akin to giving CPR to someone who stopped breathing. Anyone else would have done the same thing. Sonny was sure of it.
Compared to that, this kiss was heaven
It was nothing Sonny like the many daydreams he had of kissing Barba for the first time. They weren't out on a first date after years of unacknowledged lingering touches. No cheesy holiday decorations or fireworks mixed with just a bit too much alcohol. Sonny wasn't celebrating passing the bar and thanking Barba the only way he could think of. Barba wasn't thanking him for helping with a difficult case the only way he could think of.
But it was still passionate; filled with all the affection and want they had both been denying themselves for so long. Their lips fitting perfectly together despite having only kissed once before; as though they were made for each other. It was warm and soft and everything Sonny ever needed in his life. Everything he would ever need again. When Barba started to pull back, Sonny chased his lips briefly with a low whine before deciding to rest his forehead against Barba's.
They didn't say anything at first. Just looked at each other with small grins and light blushes. "So," Barba broke the silence, "is this where I apologize for kissing you?"
Sonny laughed softly as he leaned forward, pressing his head against Barba's. "You never have to apologize for that." He closed his eyes and enjoy the warmth of Barba's skin against, ignoring the flashback of cold he had felt just hours ago. That wasn't important now. All that was important was that Barba was alive and safe. That they had finally crossed the line they'd been toeing for so long.
"Wait," Barba leaned back slightly look Sonny in the eye, "I remember hurting my head, but it's fine now. Was that you too?"
Barba's questions were also important.
"That was me, yeah." Sonny acknowledge with a shrug. "Don't ask me how. I don't know. My nonna might though."
"Can't you heal yourself then?" Barba gave him a quick once over, taking the large bruise on Sonny's hairline. A hand brushed a the hair fallen over, pushing it gently out of the way so Barba could see better. "That looks painful."
"It doesn't work like that." Sonny reached up to place a hand against Barba's cheek, his thumb softly rubbing back and forth just along his cheek. A gentle show of gratitude for the concern . "Only a kiss can heal injuries and I can't exactly kiss myself."
"And it would be weird to ask your mom or sisters, I guess."
"At my age, yeah." Sonny gave Barba a crooked smile. "Besides, it would be hard to explain how I got better over night after the doctor said I was concussed with a broken rib."
"That's true." Barba looked sad for the moment before a familiar look crossed his face. It was a look Sonny knew well. One that meant might he had an idea. Careful to avoid hurting him, Barba brought Sonny's forehead closure. Close to enough to kiss. A tender and light kiss, barely there. "Better?"
"Yes." Sonny buried his face on the crook of Barb's neck and shoulder; wrapped his arms around Barba's middle and pulled him as close as he could. Who knew Barba could be such a sap. He felt Barba's arms wrap tightly around his shoulders. "Much better."
There was that silence again. That one he had grown to hate to. But it was different time. They weren't ignoring how they felt for one other this. Pretending that nothing was there when it was. That what was between was probably love but they weren't ready to admit that yet.
"Sonny," Barba whispered; he almost sounded embarrassed. "Do you have a tail?"
Smiling into Barba's kin, Sonny nodded once. They still had so much to talk about. "Yeah, I'll show you one day."