Work Text:
Neptune was lying on the couch, yawning.
"Boring…" She groaned. "And I'm hungry, too."
IF said to her, "Well, it's not my fault that Peashy destroyed your TV. It'll be fixed, soon enough."
Neptune asked, "Aw, couldn't we ask Histy to buy us a new TV?"
"Sorry, Nep. This is cheaper." IF remarked, "Plus, you have to work a bit."
"Darn…" Neptune moaned.
Histoire said to her, "Neptune, as much I condone your break time, I cannot let you be sluggish, all day. And yes, I apologize for the violent actions caused by Peachy." She added, "And to ask, it'll take three days to purchase a new TV… which you won't get, because you need to keep your shares up!"
"I know, I know… I'm supposed to go to work. But this is stupid. Here I am with games and pudding on my end, and that brat, Peashy, destroyed it in rage."
"Oh, don't be like that… It gives you time to work out. You know, good things come to those who wait."
"Yeah… yeah…" Neptune walked off and said, "I'm going out."
IF sighed, "She never learns, you know. Besides… Who even fixes a High-Def Flat Screen TV, anyways?"
A female repairman was fixing the TV and said, "The parts are tricky… but I see that it's easily fixed. The screen needs replacing, but no damage, either."
IF sighed, "Won't be long, before Neptune's back on her butt, lazily playing her games."
She sat down and sighed, as the repairwoman said, "There. I think that should do it. But there are parts that need to be replaced. Give me a week to have some prepared. And, ohhh… This isn't a problem."
XXXXX
Neptune munches on lunch, as she huffed, "Great lunch…"
IF huffed, "Glad you liked it…"
"It tastes like Dogoo Slime…" Neptune grumbled.
IF stated, "You're just being restless. Don't be so ornery."
"If we hadn't run out of pudding, you'd see me joyful and all-smiles!"
"What'd you expect? You always ate by the tons!"
"Isn't that woman done yet?" Neptune sighed, "I'm bored to tears…"
"Relax. It's better than Histoire's purchase. Three-day delivery. It's like she's programmed to prepare slow."
"She's the First CPU, what do you expect? Besides, no better than Noire or Vert."
They continued to have lunch, as IF said, "I'm gonna watch TV, too. I'm off for the day."
"Cool. I'm supposed to meet with Blanc, today."
"Okay. I'll let you know when the television's fixed."
IF went inside, as she called, "Hey, you almost finished?"
"Almost… But by the looks of it." She dazed off and said.
"Well, please hurry. You're just going to stall so that we'll lose a lot of money for it. Think about it… I can build a new set in seconds flat. I know how shysters operate. First, you kill a 500 Credit hour, then you say you'd take it to the shop, that's another 2,000 Credits. And you switch chips and bytes from one sucker to another. It's a penny-ante Cosa Nostra!"
"I am legit, ma'am…" She said, "All I was going to say is that it's finished."
"Sure?"
"Yeah." She placed the TV back in the spot. "And it's on me. Free."
She walked off, as IF cried, "HEY! Come back here!"
The woman nodded, "Oh, don't worry. I can't win them all. I'm not a crook."
She walked out of the room, as IF called, "Nep! Wanna take a rain check in Lowee? It's fixed!"
But as she was waiting, she heard a voice.
"It's always Nep-Nep this and Nep-Nep that. Why not have time for me?" A woman in blue hair was arguing with a woman in pink hair, Compa, "If you were any nurse, I would be happy. I trusted you."
"But I… I'm sorry. I tried to help your son up.." Compa pleaded, as she was upset.
"Compa?" IF was shocked, "No way…"
Neptune cried, "Iffy! I was about to play! What's going on?"
"SHH!" IF shushed her, "Look…"
"Is that…" She saw Compa on the television. "COMPA?"
(Heather): Portrait of a gamer and TV fan. Three players play this level: Neptune – Goddess of her City, I-F – Member of The Guild, and Compa – apprentice nurse.
Heather appeared near the doorway of the Basilicom, "Tonight, we have a "really big show" for you. And something special for our trio of Planeptune City's finest. They may not know it, but they're about to enter a secret level – on their way to the Tales of the Bizarre. But who'll finish first?"
Tales of the Bizarre #91:
Stay Neptuned
Neptune & IF were watching the television, as they saw Compa with another woman, who was upset about her ill son. On the TV, she was able to nurse him back to health, but it seems the woman wants her to stay.
IF turned it off and whispered, "Compa…"
"Yes?" Compa arrived, as she asked, "Oh! The TV's working again?"
IF was stunned, as Neptune was perplexed, "Oh, my… The TV was–. OH! Wait… No…"
"What is it, Nep-Nep?"
IF cried, "N-NO! Just… She has a mess!"
Compa said, "Anyways, what were you just watching?"
Neptune said, "Hmmm… Channel 10."
"Ah! 10… dash 2." IF blushed.
Compa said, "First you guys made a big mess, then you hid something from me. And for the record, this TV doesn't have Channel 10-2. It skips from 9-3 to 11-1."
IF muttered, "Fanciful satellite TV… Ugh!"
Neptune shivered, "I… don't think you want to see this."
"Lemme see."
"NO!" IF cried.
"Iffy, let me see it!"
"NONONO! It's fine!"
"Iffy, she doesn't have to see it!" Neptune barked. "It's not in your rating!"
"Ohhh… Thanks for the warning, Nep-Nep." Compa smiled.
She left, as Neptune sighed, "Thank goodness." IF said, "I'm going patrolling. You stay put and watch TV."
She changed it to Channel 9-2, and watched some anime. Neptune sighed, "Ugh… This is more of Vert's thing. Hm?"
It was a Sci-Fi anime about two girls as bounty hunters. Neptune was shocked, "This isn't a new show, it's a rerun! And those curves! So lewd…"
NOTE: Somehow they were able to pick up "Dirty Pair".
Neptune hesitated, as she held the remote. She thought, "Ohhh… as much as I want to, I… Maybe Iffy's obviously losing her mind. She and Compa are a thing – a tag team. Me, however, I have Nep Jr. and the others on my side. There's no way… Or is there?"
She switched to Channel 10-1, and then, it happened.
Neptune munches on lunch, as she huffed, "Great lunch…"
IF huffed, "Glad you liked it…"
"It tastes like Dogoo Slime…" Neptune grumbled.
IF stated, "You're just being restless. Don't be so ornery."
"If we hadn't run out of pudding, you'd see me joyful and all-smiles!"
"What'd you expect? You always ate by the tons!"
Neptune gasped, as she saw on TV the lunch break she had. She shrieked, "AAAAAGH!" She then fainted.
Histoire hovered in and cried, "OH! Neptune!"
She helped her up and turned off the TV, which was showing white noise. Histoire moaned, "Oh, honestly, Neptune, you must've had a relapse…"
"Mmmgh… I saw… everything…" Neptune sobbed, reaching for help.
"Honestly! It's not like you to watch TV!"
"NO! Histy, listen! The TV that was fixed… Well…"
Histoire turned it on and saw white noise. She sighed, "Just as I figured… You're delusional. At any rate, I believe you were to meet with Blanc and Noire in Lowee…"
"OH! Right." Neptune said, "Sorry, my head must be spinning."
She headed off, as Histoire said, "If you have any relapses, come straight back here."
She sighed and went to the TV, "Really. I don't see anything wrong with it. No matter. The TV is working fine."
Compa returned, as she said, "Excuse me… Histoire?"
Histoire said, "Ah, hello, Compa. IF and Neptune are a bit nuts, lately."
Compa said, "Indeed. She was worried over the TV. And this repairwoman. She told me that she resembled someone with purple hair."
"Ah, I see…" Histoire said, "Maybe it's a new hire down the street. Did they ever ask the name?"
"I don't know." Compa said. "But I think I should talk to Iffy."
"See that you do. If our shares go way up, I will see to it that Neptune gets a new TV. Only because there's something strange going on here."
Histoire left, as Compa was all alone. She saw the TV, and IF said, "What are you doing?"
"Iffy?"
"Yeah… What are you doing with that TV? Don't touch it or see it!"
"It's not that… Histoire said that Nep-Nep was feeling uneasy."
"What did she see?"
"I dunno… What did you see?"
IF was nervous. She asked, "What if I saw myself on TV?"
"I say you're famous!"
"But what if I saw you on TV?"
"I say you're flipped. I'm not that famous."
IF pleaded, "Compa, it's not what you think! I saw the image, and… What if I told you that there were some… horrible things inside, on the screen?"
"That's what I figured… Was it Arfoire again?"
"Arfoire nothing! Someone with purple hair is playing a dirty trick!" IF barked, "Maybe… Maybe it's sabotage! And Neptune wasn't even responsible!"
"Don't go blaming Nep-Nep!" Compa said, "And don't worry about the repair woman."
"Yeah. This repairwoman is nuts… and so is she. Anyways, Histoire has everything settled."
"Alright. Right now, you need to go to bed."
"I'm fine."
IF walked off, as Compa went to the TV. She turned it on and said, "What is she upset about? I did nothing wrong to her."
She was watching TV, and suddenly saw visions of herself and IF, near the window, fighting. She gasped in horror and cried, "No…"
SMASH!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Compa bawled, "Nooooo… It's not true! IT'S NOT TRUE!" She was crying, as she saw a vision – IF kills Compa.
After that, the TV went off. Histoire came and asked, "What the–? Compa?"
IF appeared and cried, "Huh? What's wrong? Compa?" She saw the TV, and then whispered, "It… It's a trick! It's a trick! What are you doing to me?"
Neptune was in her room, having soup, as she was moaning, "Stupid repairwoman… I wish I knew who she was…" she was feeling uneasy, after what IF and Compa saw. She said, "I tell you… Iffy and Comfy, they are just upset."
Nepgear said, "I'm sure it's nothing. I saw the TV, too, only… I saw nothing."
"You did?"
"Yeah. Except some weird animals and creatures inside the screen. So fast you can't catch up to."
Neptune huffed, "You're no help, Nep. Jr."
"Sorry… I'm doing the best I can to resolve this. Histoire's already on it, and we may find a clue. It could very well be that there'd be Pixelvaders that could break the television. Plus, you have been playing on the television, for too long."
"I sometimes leave, now and then. Planeptune City will be in my hands, and I'm not gluing my eyes to the Boob Tube."
"You're right. I worry about IF and Compa. It could be delusions."
"What?"
"It's not an illness… but in your case, they think she may murder each other. But they'd never fight. We're unsure if they will get along, knowing that they agree to the delusions. Anyways, you get some rest. I need to give you more soup."
"I want pudding."
"I'm trying, but it's hard to find it in this city."
"Don't tell me it's a recall… Nep Jr. I'm staaaaaaaaaaaaaaarving…"
Nepgear giggled, "I'll see what I can do."
She left, as she arrived at the TV Room. She decided to take a quick look at the TV. She changed the channel to 9-3, and it showed a car commercial. Nepgear was curious, and then she changed the channel to 10-1. All it was…
"Oh?"
Nothing. Just white noise and static. Nepgear was concerned, as she replied, "Hmmm… Only Compa, IF, and Neptune saw it. But no one else. And this signal doesn't pick-up Channel 10-1." She held the remote and changed the channel back to 9-3. And back up to 11-1. "Strange…"
She put the remote down, as Compa was nursing IF in a lone room. Nepgear said, as she went to them, "How are they?"
Compa sighed, "She's fussy. Iffy isn't taking her meds."
"I don't want a sedative…"
"Don't worry… Everything will be fine. You get some sleep. And so do I."
IF said, "Anyways… we need to talk. I know we're upset over this conclusion, Compa and I are tight… but working in The Guild is tough. Over time, the missions are hard and painful… and on top of it, everyone says you're crooked. But when someone calls you a friend, maybe you start going to pieces. You act like a mule, until you get up on that horse."
Compa asked, "Eh?"
"Well… lemme put it this way…" IF said, "I'm unsure what I'd do. It's you, and not me… I'm just not nasty about it… but… Whatever you were doing is fine. Nep said that it was horrifying… and believe me. I'd never attempt to kill you."
"I'm touched." Compa said, "But then again, I wouldn't believe you. What am I supposed to do? Give you sympathy, before you decided to stab me in the back?"
Nepgear said, "Take it easy, Compa."
"NO! She pins the blue ribbon on me, as a helpful ally, and now she tossed me aside like I'm some kind of geek! Well, lemme tell you something, Miss Guild Rebel! I am simply a nurse, not your slave! You're out of your rocker!"
"Who's out of my rocker?"
"You are!"
Compa and IF started to fight, as Nepgear played peacekeeper. But no luck.
"GET OUT OF HERE!" IF yelled, "GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"
Compa runs off, Nepgear goes after her. She said, "It's not true. Please… It's just not true."
"How can I? After all these years, this is the thanks I get for turning over a new leaf!" Compa sniffled.
Nepgear stated, "I know… You were delusional."
Compa was crying on Nepgear's shoulder. IF was grumbling. She muttered, "I don't know what they see in me. I was only trying to help her. She's ditzy and nuts. I mean, I wouldn't dare to kill her."
The TV called, "Your honor, the prosecution objects to these interruptions by the defense. They tried to add more testimonies on this Ms. Salt on the stand, but not even she testified that the accused said that she committed the murder."
Neptune watched on, as IF ran in, "Wha–? NEP!"
"Oh, Iffy! It's the TV! It was showing a trial on 10-1… and you're in it!"
IF saw nothing, as she cried, "You see it too?"
Neptune said, "This TV is haunted, I say!"
"Are you two trying to make me snap? You and Compa!"
"But… I didn't–!"
IF saw the TV, as the judge said to IF, "Miss IF… the jury of your peers has found you guilty of murder in the first degree. Since you have admitted to the crime, you are to be taken into custody where you will serve your time in prison, for the rest of your natural life."
IF was stunned, as Neptune said, "You saw it, too? The prosecutor was slamming you hard."
"NO! It's not that!" IF cried.
Compa called out, as she ran in, "Oh, you're watching TV again? What you see is in your mind, ladies! And your conscience be your guide! LOOK!" She turned into 10-1 and said, "See? Watch with us, and tell me!"
"Compa, you're nuts!" Neptune cried.
IF barked, "Look, whatever it is, I'm not going to murder you! What did I ever do to you?"
"Not until you tell me what you saw, on TV, what I did? Let's watch together! I saw what you did, and you saw what I did, so spill!"
Compa was being hysterical, as she turned the TV on. Nepgear said, "Now-now, Ladies, let's not go into anything rash."
IF was shaken, until Neptune gasped, seeing IF locked in prison. One of the guards said that life imprisonment is tough for someone who murdered a girl. Neptune gasped in horror, as Compa shouted, "What do you see, Iffy? Ladies on TV? Burlesque Show? Maybe someone from Lowee?" She cackled.
Neptune gasped, "Uhhh, I gotta go!" She dashed off, "Sis! WAIT!"
IF was annoyed, as she barked, "Why do I want to watch your stupid show? The TV is obviously–!" She gasped, as two guards appeared and prepared to execute IF in public. IF sighed and calmed down, as she finished watching it. "Okay… This isn't helping at all."
Nepgear said, "Okay, okay… Let's reason with these delusions. What did you see on TV, Compa?"
"She killed me, after we fought… And that was here in the Basilicom!" Compa shouted. "You are a monster, Iffy!"
IF glared, "Oh, really? Who was that woman you were schmoozing with?"
They gasped, as Compa shivered, "Woman? Ohhhhhhhh… She was trying to get to me, after I helped her cure her son. She gets pervy and clingy, after she was drunk. So… I left…" She blushed.
IF was stunned, as voices rang into her head and snarled, "You… … … It was all… a mistake…" She giggled, giggling hysterically, as Compa smiled, "Eh… Sorry. But I knew you would never kill me. Nep-Nep is the delusional one. She thinks we can break up, like–."
SMASH!
IF smashed the TV with her fist and snarled, "You made me… panic… FOR NOTHING?"
She tackled onto Compa, but hit her fist to the wall. Nepgear cried, "IF!"
Compa shouted, "TRY WATCHING THE TV NOW!"
IF yelled, "YOOOOOOOOU!" She tackled down, and Compa grabbed a chair. IF grabbed it and cried, "YOU! GIMME THAT–!" She took the chair, "YOU CALL YOURSELF A NURSE?"
SMASH!
She broke a chair onto her, and Compa retaliated with throwing books at her. IF and Compa were fighting all over the room. Nepgear shouted, "IF! COMPA! PLEASE, COMPOSE YOURSELVES! STOP!"
SMASH!
Compa broke a vase onto her head, and she yelled, "YOU WOULD!" IF hollered, "I'LL KILL YOU!"
They brawled, as Compa cried, "I'd never kill you! But you had to push me!" They tackled down, as Nepgear yelled, "STOP IT! IF! COMPA! HISTOIRE, NEPTUNE! ANYONE!"
IF grabbed her collar, and punched her. But Compa ducked, and hit Nepgear instead.
SOCK!
SMASH!
Nepgear smashed through the window, and she fell off in a huge fall.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"GEAR!"
"GE-GE!"
They snapped out of it, and they looked out of the window. IF cried, "NEPGEAR!"
"Oh, no, Ge-Ge!" Compa sobbed, "No…"
"What have we done?" IF sobbed, "We… Did we…"
Histoire appeared and asked, "What in Gamindustri is going on here?"
IF sobbed, "I didn't mean it… I killed her. I killed her…"
Compa bawled, "We killed her. Nepgear…"
Neptune suddenly appeared from the window, in her Goddess form, as she held Nepgear in her arms. Neptune spoke to them, "You're luckily I'm not the only delusional one." She hovered over, and they gasped. Nepgear moaned, "My god… Ow… My jaw."
Neptune smiled, "It's alright, Nepgea. You're safe now."
Nepgear sobbed, "Oh, thank goodness, I thought you fled."
Guards came, as Neptune changed to normal. She said, "No worries. Just a false alarm. But, uh… these two, they need to be checked."
IF barked, "Snitch!"
Histoire boomed, "I don't know what is going on here, but this has to stop! IF, Compa, and Neptune! We are settling this matter, once and for all! I want everyone to tell me why are you being delusional over the TV! The very same TV you somehow broke, Neptune! AGAIN!"
Neptune cried, "ME? I, uh, I was down… when I… *gulps* Uh-oh…" She begged, "Please, Histy, nooooooooooooo! Don't punish me! I beg of you, it wasn't me!"
IF pleaded, "Wait! Histoire! I can explain. It's… It's my fault."
IF explained the whole thing, as Histoire was shocked in fear.
XXXXX
The following day, Neptune, Nepgear, IF, & Compa were having a picnic together, as IF was sighing, "So… After all that, no one gets the television for a whole week."
Nepgear said, "At least she understands the situation now. IF saw Compa with a drunk mother, after she helped her son with a sickness, Neptune saw your conversation, Compa saw how IF killed Compa, and Neptune…"
"I saw Iffy being put away, and learned the truth." Neptune said, "Iffy isn't a cold-blooded murderer. When they got me as Life Imprisonment and Murder, I put them together, and waited for Compa to crash to her death. I had no idea it'd be Nep Jr. taking the blow. Even so, I'd never let anyone die on my watch."
IF sighed, "While Histoire praised you for saving your sister, she actually punished you for the TV thing in the first place."
Neptune sobbed, "Nep-waaaaa?! No fair…"
Compa asked, "Iffy… I'm sorry I snapped."
IF smiled, "That's alright. One week will do me good. Plus, I'm surprised you can land a mean left hook. Ouch."
Nepgear smiled, "Well, on the plus side, everything's alright now. Shame that Histoire won't buy a new television now, after all that."
Histoire said, "Now, I wouldn't say that. The only reason you girls won't get the TV is because the delivery for the new television is not until 3 weeks. Plus an extra 3 days for Express Delivery."
Neptune sniffled, "I can't wait…"
"Well, it was your own fault to begin with. Letting Peashy destroy the TV, after you and her fight for the remote." Histoire scolded, "Until the new TV comes, no one watches it. That means you, Neptune."
Neptune sobs, as IF & Compa giggled. Things were back to normal for the girls in Planeptune, as their delusions have vanished. Of course, without television, it's much safer.
XXXXX
And three weeks passed. Neptune was enjoying her new TV, as the deliverywoman nodded, "Okay… All set."
Neptune smiled, as the deliverywoman asked, "By the way, what happened to the television set that I gave you?"
It was the same woman from before. Neptune was shocked in horror. "You… You're the–."
She removed her hat and smiled, "It's only me."
"Plutie?! You're a repairwoman?"
"Was. but then I got fired, after I mixed the chips into a microwave wrong. Now it's cooking on the outside. Now I got a job as a delivery woman… And I hope the new television works really well."
Neptune shoved her out and said, "Uhhh, that's nice and all, but that's fine as it is. Bye!"
Plutia asked, "Ohh? You need help installing the new TV?"
"NO!" Neptune slammed the door and cried, "Not again…" She walked off, as IF asked, "Who was that?"
"Nobody…" Neptune sobbed. She went to her room and said, "Wake me when the TV's back up…"
IF turned to the door, and she saw Plutia leave. Plutia turns to IF and said, "Sorry again about the TV. But I recommend my services to you, if you wish."
Plutia leaves the Basilicom, as IF shook her head, "Nah."
Plutia walked down the street, feeling relaxed with a faint smile.
(Heather): The next time your TV set is on the fritz, when you're in need of a first-rate repairman, may we suggest our specialist? She's factory-trained, prompt, honest, and works 24/7. You won't find her in a phone book, Facebook page, Tweet on X, or Google Search, but her office is conveniently located… in the "Tales of the Bizarre".