Chapter Text
Kiara didn’t really know when they fell out.
I mean, she did. It was on that Bonfire six months ago when she tried to talk to them. John B had avoided her like the plague, Pope wouldn’t look at her, and when she kept pushing, JJ snapped.
She had fought way too hard not to burst into tears at that moment. Instead, she threw a full cup of beer on JJ when he called her a stuck-up bitch and proceeded to hang out with Topper and Sarah for the rest of the night.
It didn’t make her feel any better, and they probably didn’t give a shit, but she was too proud to leave like a stray cat. Sarah was her best friend, but that night she was way too busy flirting with the rich blond next to her, and Kiara had never felt so alone before.
She was hanging out at Sarah’s room that morning, scrolling mindlessly through her phone as Sarah rambled about her birthday coming up and her dad taking the family to Barbados to celebrate.
She hummed to her friend’s question about going to Rafe’s party tomorrow night and clicked on the story she posted a few hours ago. Nothing much—just a picture of her wet hair and a delicate rose tucked on them—she found it too pretty to let it stay in her gallery forever. She scrolled through the viewers when a familiar name caught her eye.
JJ’s.
John B and Pope were right after him, like a twisted coincidence.
She tried to remind herself that they were no longer friends—that they were just strangers she knew ever ything about. Ever since the fallout in the Bonfire, she was able to gaslight herself into thinking that she doesn’t give a fuck about them—she doesn’t miss the sibling-like banter with John B, or the lazy nights full of beer and weed, or hearing Pope hyperfixate over his favorite things, or JJ trying to flirt with her just for her to playfully smack him because she was too close-minded to accept her fee—
‘’Kiara!’’
‘’Yeah,’’ her head snapped, and she looked at the blonde girl who was straightening her hair now. ‘’I didn’t hear you.’’
‘’Did your mom calm down about the school thing?’’
Oh yeah, that thing. Her parents had single-handedly ruined her old friendships by forcing her into the Kook Academy. Sure, she had Sarah, but it didn’t change what happened. Now she was stuck navigating a new land straight out of hell, trying to fit in with people who seemed to have it all figured out. And of course her mother was pushing her into looking toward early college admissions and looking into her future, as she called it.
Not that it was wrong for her mom to care about her future. Kiara just didn't like the way she was doing it.
‘’No,’’ Kiara shook her head. ‘’She’s worried that I will ‘take the wrong path again.’’’.
God, her mother was so frustrating sometimes, she could scream. The last time they argued was two nights ago when Kiara casually mentioned over dinner that she had plans to take a gap year after high school and go somewhere—had no idea where yet. Her parents started talking shit about how college is so important and to stay here and find a decent, well-paid job, a good man—
All the bullshit Kooks like them say.
‘’You like the Kook life, huh?’’ John B had snapped at her as JJ cursed and took his beer-stained shirt off. ‘’So nice you forgot about your best friends?’’
‘’I didn’t forget,’’ she kept yelling, eyes wet but refusing to let anything spill. ‘’You know damn well y’all are the ones who did.’’
Pope hadn’t said a word and grabbed the back of John B’s shirt to pull him away. JJ threw one last look at her and called her a dirty kook before scurrying away.
So, she probably had no reason to be mad at her parents. Because she was just like them.
It is easy to slip into unwanted habits when you are constantly around them.
She left Sarah’s an hour later—the blonde girl had stopped talking a bit after they talked about parents. She seemed a bit off and distant, but Kiara passed it off as thinking about her birthday coming up and school. She doubted that anything could be wrong.
‘Till later that night.
Kiara tried to pretend that she didn’t mind spending the night in or that she missed the lazy nights in John B’s house, drinking beer next to the fire and smoking weed. JJ laughing next to her and thinking about how soft his laughter was—
No.
Screw JJ. She never liked him. It was a silly school crush, and she had gotten over it a year ago.
Trying to distract herself, she opens her Instagram and absently clicks on Sarah’s story. She expected to see another outfit picture or some weird romantic, shitty picture with Topper, but what she saw had her staring at the screen for a few minutes.
Apparently, Sarah fucking Cameron was throwing a party for her birthday currently, and Kiara had no fucking idea about it.
She kept rewatching the two stories she posted. One where she is dancing with Topper, Elena, Ashley, and another chick who had recently come to school because, of course, she had invited everyone but her. The second was her blowing out the candles and thanking everyone for attending and celebrating her.
She should’ve known. It was too good to be true—Sarah Cameron never stopped being the stuck-up blonde she thought of her as; she was just good at hiding it.
And to think that we were laughing together not even six hours ago.
‘’Kiara, are you okay?’’ Her mother knocked sharply on the door but did not open it. ‘’There’s dessert downstairs if you like.’’
‘’I’m good,’’ Kiara called back, hating how her voice cracked. The room was suddenly feeling too small, and there was a tightness in her chest.
Her mom said something, but she didn’t hear it. She was too busy drowning in self-pity.
She hadn’t surfed in over ten months.
She had lost the only people who knew the real side of herself.
Her best friend, who she genuinely loved, purposefully excluded her and reminded her in a cruel way that she doesn’t belong with her or with the Kooks.
She had no one, and that was her fault. She couldn’t balance both Pogue and Kook life and now she had lost both, and she was completely alone now.
Once a Pogue, always a Pogue.
Bullshit. This isn’t what they told her when she tried to make them understand that adjusting to a new life was difficult and needed time. They did the same thing she had done, turning their backs on her when she needed them most. A month before the fallout, she had asked them to go surfing—texted the group chat that was rarely used anymore.
Nobody had replied. She went alone and saw them—hitting the waves and having the time of their life.
She didn’t surf. She turned and left like the coward she was. Hadn’t done anything.
But then again, fair. How many times had she cancelled because she was way too busy? It was karma catching up to her.
Pushing away the memories, she decided she’d do something now, and so, in a moment of bravery, she picked up the phone and dialed a number.
‘’Kildare County Police Department, what can I do for you?’’
sarah: never thought you’d be such a snake.
That was the last message Sarah had sent to her the morning after the party. Didn’t bother asking her, didn’t bother being a fucking decent human being and explaining why Kiara was apparently no longer her best friend—no, she just spread rumors and laugh ed at her.
She and Sarah were over. She was a backstabbing bitch, and Kiara wanted to rip her perfect, blonde hair. She wanted to storm over at Tanyhill, barge in, and demand explanations. Demand why she turned everyone against her, why she switched desks with Elena and laughed at Kiara’s face, why she had asked her to go save turtles in the first place, and consequently ruined her life.
You ruined your own life, not her.
Kiara was fine. She wasn’t spiraling; why would she? She didn’t feel the loneliness of having no friends creeping up on her every single night—no, she didn’t. Why would she? She was a tough girl; she could handle shit.
This isn’t why she wanted to slit her wrists every time she went to the bathroom. This isn’t why she started considering being cheesy and writing letters to her old friends and parents.
She was fine.
She was fine, yet here she was—on the beach at six in the morning, feet on the water, staring at the distant sky. It was still early morning, and the April air was biting her skin and making her shiver.
The world kept moving, despite everything that was happening in it. The lamps were still flickering, and a mix of orange and blue was scattered in the sky. The low rumble of car engines sounded in the air along with the doves singing. The waves softly lapped at the shore, quiet and calm.
She walked further into the sea, and now the water had reached her waist. If it was under different circumstances, she’d have hated the water against her shorts, sticking to her skin, but now she didn’t care. She hardly felt anything else.
It was so peaceful. The cool water. The calm sea. The sound of life and nature,
She dipped in the water, regretting not having brought her surfboard with her. She hadn’t surfed for so long—this could’ve been her chance to surf again, find some peace with herself.
She sank into the water, sounds blurring. The water was crystal clear, and she could see everything around her—she wanted to stay there forever.
Maybe that’s what she needs to do. Run away, book a ticket somewhere, and leave. She had money saved from helping out at her dad’s restaurant. She could book a ticket to Australia or Thailand, leave, and work odd jobs to live. She knew how difficult it’d be to achieve something like this, but a girl could dream.
The water had gone cold around her, and it was difficult to breathe now. She made a move to start resurfacing when a rough hand grasped her arm and pulled her up.
She staggered a bit and started coughing, rubbing out the water from her eyes.
‘’Are you out of your fucking mind?’’
She aggressively took a step back, a stone scratching the back of her leg, but she hardly felt it.
‘’The fuck are you doing here?’’ She pushed JJ away by his chest, feeling exposed and uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the need to break down in front of him.
‘’What am I doing here? This is not a beach for Kooks, last time I checked.''
Kook. Sure. She wasn’t a Kook, but she wasn’t a Pogue anymore either. She had no idea who she really was. She was having a difficult time breathing and did not notice the way JJ looked at her—like he was worried sick about her.
‘’It’s a free beach, last time I checked,’’ she walked to the shore and grabbed her towel to dry herself. He was following her, and she was trying very hard not to look back at him.
‘’Free beach for what, for you to drown yourself?’’
She nudged him hard enough to make him stumble back and started grabbing her stuff, ''Don't fucking act all concerned now. All of you showed me how much you care months ago.''
‘’Oh, we’re in the wrong?’’ he scoffed. ‘’We’re not the ones who dumped you to hang out with the rich kids we’ve been talking shit for our entire lives—
She didn’t listen to the rest of his words. She ran, hands clutching her bag so nothing would fall. Once she was out of his sight, she quickly threw her clothes on and made her way back home.
When Kiara was a Pogue and everything was alright, she used to go to Keggers with them.
It was fun. It was relaxing. She could just stop thinking for a while—stop thinking about her parents, school, and her future—there was no stress. Just her, her best friends, and cheap beer.
Last time she had been on a Kegger, things were starting to be a little weird between them. It was two weeks after Kie had started school, and she had already missed out on two outings. JJ was bitter about it, and it was blatantly obvious that John B and Pope had forced him to be quiet.
They started having fun after the third drink hit. At least they had fun, considering that it was the last time they partied together.
After the fallout with Sarah, she tried to be more productive. She studied a lot. She never did that much studying, just good enough to pass the grade with a decent number. She bittersweetly remembered Pope yelling at her, JJ, and John B for not showing up for themselves.
She also worked a lot. After school, at the Wreck. It gave her an excuse for not hanging out with anybody, and it was a good thing—she was gaining money. The sooner she could save up money, the sooner she could leave this island. And neither Kooks nor Pogues really showed up—it was mostly a family-friendly shop, so she only had to serve rude elderly people and screaming children with desperate parents.
It was fine for a while. It had become a routine—school, work, homework, sleep. No feelings. Any of her hobbies and passions were buried deep inside. Her surfboard was still tucked away in the storage room. She rarely spoke about the environment anymore—to whom anyways? And there weren’t any clubs at school or anywhere. The only thing she did anymore was smoke joints secretly.
It wasn’t that difficult. She had lost JJ, but his cousin didn’t give a shit about anyone’s friendships but his own. Always treated her with a welcoming presence when she stopped by to buy some.
She hadn’t realized how much of a shell she had become. How she had lost everything that made her the girl she was. How one simple decision—her parents’—had resulted in whatever this was.
God, she missed it. She missed her boys. She missed pretending that she didn’t want JJ. Missed the laughter they shared, the late-night talks that stretched into dawn. Now, all that remained were echoes of those moments, haunting her like a bittersweet melody she couldn’t escape. Going surfing, smoking joints with them, and missing the homely, comforting nature of the Chateau that her own home never gave. Missed sneaking with Sarah Cameron to her dad’s fridge to steal beer and then run upstairs to watch movies.
They had all left, one by one. And no one had really looked back. The memories hung heavy in the air, like the salty breeze that once filled their lungs as they raced toward the ocean, carefree and invincible. Now, all that remained were echoes of laughter and a longing that felt almost unbearable. She was stuck in this town with the ghosts of her old life haunting the air constantly.