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Tony Stark has faced many threats in his life—out-of—control artificial intelligence, cosmic gods, and the very concept of responsibility-but never has he faced such a stubborn force as Loki when he needed something.
Today, that something turned out to be a cat.
And Tony was rapidly losing control of the situation.
"No," he said, crossing his arms over his chest and standing his ground like a man who still believes he has a choice in the matter.
Loki, however, was squatting in front of the glass fence of the pet store, staring at a small, very unhappy-looking black kitten. He didn't even look up when he answered.
"I didn't ask for permission, Stark."
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Tony muttered.
They were supposed to have coffee. Coffee. That's all this outing was supposed to be. But the universe hated him, and now he was standing in the middle of a pet store, watching Loki slowly convince a kitten to commit war crimes.
"This one is a warrior," Loki stated, nodding at a tiny ball of fur that had just finished licking its own leg and had fallen to its side.
Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "Buddy, this thing just lost a battle with the laws of physics."
"He's just planning his next move," Loki wisely remarked.
Tony exhaled. "Loki. Look at me. We won't take the cat."
Loki finally looked away from the kitten, who was now trying to fight his reflection. "Why not?"
Tony stared at me. "Are you serious? We live in a high-security tower full of dangerous equipment and real weapons. And yet, I do not know if you know this, but — a big surprise, cats do not belong to anyone. They do what they want, and they like to destroy expensive things."
Loki didn't look worried. "Then it would fit in perfectly, wouldn't it?"
Tony pointed on him. "See? This. That's exactly the attitude that worries me. You're going to push this little threat to become an even bigger threat."
Loki grinned. "You're hurting me, Stark. I would just teach him the ways of subtlety and strength."
Tony turned to the kitten. He was currently engaged in an intense staring game with a goldfish in a nearby aquarium. He hadn't blinked for several minutes.
Tony groaned. "You're serious, right?"
Loki just arched an eyebrow gracefully. "And when I'm not like that?"
Tony opened his mouth, then closed it. That's a fair point.
However, he had to at least try to hold the line.
"Okay, great. Do you want a cat? Great. But you go through all the necessary channels. You sign the papers, give her to the vet for examination, buy everything you need—no magic, no strange abbreviations, no questionable interdimensional transactions."
Loki sighed, theatrically putting his hand to his chest. "Stark, your disbelief hurts me."
"Yes, yes, I will live."
Tony thought it was the end. That he had won. That by forcing Loki to go through a legitimate, official process, the god of mischief would get bored and move on.
Tony, as it turned out, was a complete idiot.
Because three days later —
"LOKI, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"
Loki sprawled on the couch and slowly sipped his tea. "This," he said casually, "is a cat."
A very familiar black cat, who is currently curled up in the middle of Tony's coffee table and looking at him as if this is my house now, you worthless fool.
Tony felt his eye twitch.
"Loki, I specifically told you not to kidnap that damn cat."
"And I didn't,— Loki said softly. "I'm just... contributed to his release."
Tony ran his hands over his face.
"Do I even want to know what that means?"
Loki grinned. "No way."
Tony sighed. He turned to the cat. In response, the cat stretched sweetly, yawned and began to scratch the nearest stack of Tony's scientific papers with his paw.
Tony caught them just in time.
"Oh, yeah. Everything will be fine."
Tony should have known better. He really should have known better.
Because in a week, this little threat:
1. I took Tony's bed. (Tony woke up on the floor three nights in a row.)
2. Learned how to open cupboards. (Tony had to re-buy all his coffee beans.)
3. Somehow he learned to teleport. (Loki swore he had nothing to do with it. Tony was 100% sure he was lying.)
And what's the worst part —
"Loki. Loki, why does this damn cat have a little golden crown?"
Loki, without worrying, turned a page in his book. "He ascended."
Tony pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You made him a little throne, didn't you?"
Loki sipped his tea slowly. "That's a bold accusation, Stark."
Tony groaned.
This was his life now.
He lived in a tower with a god, a cat, and zero control over anything.
And what's the worst part?
Somewhere deep, deep…
He even liked it.
Even if he never admits it.
However, the real turning point came when Tony entered the living room and saw Loki and the cat curled up on the couch.
It wasn't fair. Totally unfair.
Because Loki looked—ugh—he looked soft. Relaxed. Long fingers absently stroked the cat's fur, green eyes half-closed as he stared into the firelight.
And the cat? The cat has officially chosen a favorite. Because he was purring . Loudly.
Tony put his hands on his hips. "It's unbelievable. I feed you, I let you live here, and that's how you treat me?"
The cat blinked slowly and lazily.
Tony pointed at him. "You're a traitor."
Loki grinned. "He has good taste."
Tony threw his hands in the air. "That's great. Fantasy. I lost the only battle that ever mattered."
Loki grinned and moved over to make room on the couch.
"Come on, Stark. You should accept your place in this household hierarchy."
Tony hesitated. Then, with a dramatic sigh, he plopped down next to them. The cat gave him an appraising look, then finally curled up at his foot.
Tony tried not to feel smug about it. I tried .
"Okay. But if you think that means I'll get another one, then you're crazy."
Loki just smiled.
Which, to be honest, was extremely suspicious.
But Tony was too comfortable to doubt it.
At the moment.
(Three months later, there were already five cats in the tower.)