Chapter Text
Sitting at the funeral of the faerie he'd killed made him feel hollow. Black Sapphire loved Silverbell; he really did, but he couldn't disobey Master Shadow Milk. He was in his faerie disguise, who was known for being close with the now deceased Silverbell Cookie. Many cookies came up and offered their condolences, but he wasn't listening. He was trying his best not to cry. Candy Apple was sitting next to him disguised as Apple Faerie Cookie, and Black Sapphire had no doubts she would snitch to their master if he started crying.
White Lily Cookie approached him, her voice soft and comforting as she spoke, "You must be taking this pretty hard. After all, you were closest to him out of everyone here, even me."
Black Sapphire, or rather Grapevine Faerie at the moment, just nodded along, afraid he would start crying if he spoke.
"He talked about you all the time, y'know. Said you were the best thing to ever happen to him."
Black Sapphire felt his heart break a little more at those words.
"He was planning to propose. Mercurial Knight tried to talk him out of it, but he was so determined."
Black Sapphire could feel his sister squeezing his hand. They had both known about Silverbell's plan to propose, and it had only made his task to kill the faerie harder.
"The way his eyes used to light up when he would talk about you showed just how much he cared about you. He was so devoted to you, even when everyone else was suspicious of you."
Black Sapphire didn't know how much more of this he could take. Her voice was so genuine, so kind. Why did she have to care?
By the time they were back at the Spire, Black Sapphire was at his breaking point. Neither Candy Apple nor Shadow Milk bothered him as he made his way to his room. He walked over the papers scattered across the floor and collapsed into bed, finally releasing all the pent-up grief that had been building up since the funeral. It was his fault his boyfriend was dead. If he hadn't been foolish, Silverbell would still be alive. If he hadn't revealed his true identity to the faerie, Silverbell would still be alive. But he couldn't go back and undo what he'd done. He should've lied when Silverbell asked about his true identity. He should have said that Grapevine Faerie wasn't a disguise, but Silverbell was so sweet when he asked that Black Sapphire couldn't resist.
Black Sapphire remained curled up in bed for days, not caring how messy his hair got or how many wrinkles formed in his suit. Why did he have to fall in love? It was such a horrible thing, leaving him broken and longing like this. He wished so many times to go back and change what had happened. But he couldn't. Time only moved forward. Silverbell was gone.
A week after the funeral, Candy Apple barged into Black Sapphire's room and dragged her brother out of bed, ignoring his protests. "Dad wants you to come eat. You've been cooped up in this room since the funeral and he's getting worried," She said. Black Sapphire rolled his eyes at her referring to Shadow Milk as dad, even though that was what the Beast had asked of them. He had raised them after all.
"I'm not hungry," He said bluntly. It was a lie. He was hungry, but how could he eat knowing the one who he had loved the most never could again?
"Don't care. I will shove food down your throat if I have to, but you need to eat."
Black Sapphire sighed but allowed his sister to drag him downstairs to the dining hall. Shadow Milk was already waiting there. Black Sapphire refused to make eye contact. He just sat down, staring at the plate of food in front of him. Usually, it would look appealing, but it was hard to find anything appetizing with the weight that had been in his stomach ever since he watched Silverbell die in his arms. Shadow Milk pushed the plate towards him, a silent demand for the grief-stricken cookie to eat. He picked up the fork and started to eat, but the food didn't seem as delicious as it usually did.
They ate in silence. Black Sapphire could tell the other two wanted to start a conversation, but he didn't care. Nothing felt right anymore. How could it? The cookie he loved most was gone forever, killed by Black Sapphire himself. There was nothing he could do to change that.
The nightmares were the worst part. He had been experiencing them ever since he'd had to crumble his beloved. Every night he would dream about Silverbell's final moments, the way he clung to Black Sapphire despite having just been stabbed by him. His eyes hadn't held even the slightest hint of anger or betrayal, only sadness. That had been the worst part. Maybe if Silverbell had gotten angry, the grief would be easier to deal with. Maybe if he'd fought back, he'd still be alive. But he hadn't. For some stupid reason, he just let it happen. His last words had been "I love you" to his own killer. Love. What a foolish thing. It had caused the death of the cookie Black Sapphire cherished most. If he hadn't revealed himself, he would still have him.
Black Sapphire was sitting at his desk trying to work on a script the first time it happened. At first, he thought he was hearing things. After all, Silverbell was dead. But then the voice came again, and the sound was unmistakable.
"I don't hate you."
The words felt like a punch to the gut. He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he frantically searched around his room, calling out for the dead faerie. There was no sign of him. How could there be? Silverbell was gone. But that voice had sounded so much like him. Hearing it made Black Sapphire feel as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest and torn to pieces. He couldn't stop the tears that began pouring down his cheeks. He didn't get any work done that day.
The second time he heard the voice, he was on his way to the Faerie Kingdom, already disguised as Grapevine Faerie Cookie.
"I still love you."
He froze midstep, his breath hitching as he heard the voice echo from somewhere behind him. It was obviously Silverbell's voice. He'd never spun faster. But when he looked back, he just saw the quiet, dead trees of the forest around him. He shook his head and kept walking. He had to be hallucinating.
After that, he became more paranoid. He always felt like he was being watched. The gaze never felt malevolent, but it had a weight to it that he couldn't describe. The voice didn't stop, but whoever was tormenting him only called out when he was alone. Because of that, he started staying around other cookies as much as possible, usually Candy Apple or Shadow Milk. While they both seemed happy that he wasn't locking himself in his room anymore, they were starting to grow worried about how skittish he was getting. He hated having to go to his room when night came because that voice always came back. Even in sleep, he couldn't escape his mistakes. The nightmares of his boyfriend's death haunted him like a ghost, a constant reminder of his crimes. He always woke up crying.
When he had to go spy on the Faerie Kingdom, he pleaded for Candy Apple to go with him. Sometimes she would agree, sometimes she wouldn't. When he was alone, he would try to get to the kingdom as fast as possible, trying to ignore any sounds he heard around him.
Being in the Faerie Kingdom made the nightmares and the hallucinations worse. He would hear Silverbell calling for him anytime he was alone. The voice, which definitely could not be Silverbell, called to him, pleading with him to just look at him, but whenever he looked around, he was completely alone. The other faeries noticed how skittish he was, but no one seemed to question it, not to him directly at least. They still showed their sympathies about Silverbell's death. That only made things worse. The longer he stayed in that awful kingdom, the worse things got. He started seeing Silverbell out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to fully look, the apparition would be gone.
When he could finally go home again, he locked himself in his room and cried. He cried for hours and hours, until no more tears would fall. He felt hollow and empty, like a piece of himself was missing. He snatched the water bottle off his nightstand and drained the contents, soothing the burning ache in his throat. It wasn't long after he'd hydrated that he started crying again. Then he heard that voice again. The voice that was unmistakably, impossibly Silverbell's.
"Don't cry."
Black Sapphire sat bolt upright and looked around his messy room, expecting to be met with nothing but darkness. Instead, he saw the glowing form of Silverbell standing at the closed door. No. It couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening. He had watched Silverbell die in his arms for witches' sake! So how was he here?
Black Sapphire sat there, completely frozen, as Silverbell began to approach. His feet never seemed to touch the ground. He stopped just in front of the bed.
"Can... Can you see me this time?"
Black Sapphire slowly nodded, afraid that he'd break apart if he tried to speak. The phantasm in front of him slowly crawled onto the bed, sitting right in front of the stunned cookie.
"H-How are you here?"
"I've always been here. You just haven't been able to see me."
He wanted to reach forward and pull the faerie to him, to hold on tight and never let go again.
"I-I killed you."
"I know."
"Why didn't you fight back?"
Silverbell didn't answer. Black Sapphire felt his hands twitch, struggling not to reach for the impossible figure in front of him.
Suddenly, the door was thrown open, and the glowing figure of his dead boyfriend vanished into thin air. Black Sapphire looked at the door, seeing his sister standing there with a big grin on her face. That grin faded when she saw his tear-streaked face, and she was quick to throw her arms around him in an attempt to comfort him. He just clung to her and cried, unable to tell if what he just saw was real or not. She patted his head and whispered comforting words, letting him cry into her shoulder. For once, she didn't tease him. She just held him tightly until he stopped crying. Once his tears had dried, she pulled away and asked, "Are you okay?"
He shook his head. He didn't think he would ever be okay again.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
He nodded, having to collect himself for a few moments before being able to speak.
"I've been hearing things. Hearing Silverbell. It started a few weeks ago, about a week or so after the funeral. At first, I thought I was just hearing things. After all, he's dead. But then, I saw him. Just before you came in, I saw him and-" He couldn't finish his sentence. Tears began welling up again, and Candy Apple was quick to wrap her arms around him again. He clung to her, wishing he were clinging to Silverbell instead.
After that, Candy Apple started sleeping in his room, not wanting her brother to be alone, not wanting him to struggle with his grief on his own. Whenever he woke up from a nightmare, she would comfort him, telling him it was just a bad dream. Things started to hurt a little less. But then Master Shadow Milk sent her to go spy on the faeries and he was alone again. He tried to focus, to work on anything, but he still heard Silverbell's voice. And he wasn't sure if he was hallucinating or not anymore.
He started spending more time with Shadow Milk, desperate to not be alone. But he was never truly alone. Even if there weren't any other cookies around, he could feel Silverbell watching. He was always there, even when Black Sapphire was with his family. But he only made his presence known when the guilt-ridden cookie was alone.
The next time Black Sapphire actually saw Silverbell, he was on his way to the dining hall. His dad (he'd long since stopped referring to Shadow Milk as master by now) wanted to eat together as a family, even with Candy Apple still spying on the faeries. He didn't mind. He could feel his stomach growling. It took him a moment to notice the glowing figure beside him, but he didn't stop walking when he did.
"Why are you here?"
"Because I love you."
"But I killed you."
"I know."
Black Sapphire clutched his microphone tighter, trying to stop himself from reaching for the specter beside him.
"Why won't you leave? I killed you. You should hate me."
Silverbell floated in front of him, and Black Sapphire instinctively stopped, taking a step back.
"Oh Sapphi, I could never hate you. You made me so happy. I don't wanna leave you behind."
Black Sapphire felt his breath hitch at the nickname. He reached for the ghost before hesitating and lowering his hand again. Silverbell moved out of the way, letting the deceitful cookie keep walking. But he still floated by his side, following him all the way to the doors of the dining hall. Only then did the crumbled faerie disappear from sight. He was still there, Black Sapphire knew that, but he could no longer see him and that made his heart ache.
He sighed, needlessly adjusting his suit before pushing open the doors and entering the dining hall. The food was good and the conversation was light, but Black Sapphire could tell Shadow Milk was trying to avoid talking about what he'd made his son do. It was almost as if the Beast cookie felt guilty about it. But that was nonsense. Shadow Milk didn't feel guilt. Right?
"So, Candy Apple tells me you've been hallucinating."
Black Sapphire froze mid-bite when he heard those words. That little brat. She had snitched. How could she? He had trusted her not to tattle.
"What about it?" His voice came harsher than he meant it to.
"I'm worried about you, Black Sapphire. It's not normal to hallucinate someone you killed."
Black Sapphire went to speak up, but a voice stopped him. The voice he'd been hearing for weeks.
"I'm not a hallucination."
Silverbell had appeared in the chair to Black Sapphire's right. His eyes widened when he saw him. The ethereal fairie had an anger to him as he glared at the Beast of Deceit who remained silent. After a long moment, Shadow Milk finally broke his stunned silence.
"How are you here? Black Sapphire killed you."
"I don't want to leave him behind, so I'm here to stay until he's ready to leave."
The room went dead silent at those words. They all knew what they meant.
"I won't let you take him," Shadow Milk said, his voice shaking with rage.
"I won't. It's entirely up to him if he wants to come with me. I understand that you and Candy Apple Cookie are his family, and I'm not going to force him to leave you."
That seemed to calm Shadow Milk slightly, but the air remained tense. Black Sapphire stared at his plate, processing Silverbell's words. He knew what they meant. In order to leave with him to wherever they would go, he would have to let himself crumble, but he didn't want to leave his family behind. As much as he loved Silverbell, Candy Apple would never forgive him if he left without so much as a goodbye. He didn't want to see her distraught. And Shadow Milk. Shadow Milk had raised him as his own. He'd taken him in when his own parents had abandoned him, much the same way the Beast had done with his little sister. He didn't want to just toss away his family, but he also wanted to be with Silverbell. To hold him again and never let go. To feel his soft lips against his own. It was a tough decision.
"You don't have to decide right now, my Sapphire. You can take all the time you need." Silverbell's voice was soft and reassuring.
"Thank you."
The late faerie smiled softly before vanishing. Black Sapphire felt a part of himself vanish with him, and it took all his strength not to call out for him to come back. The room fell into silence for a while as they both continued to eat. The only sounds that filled the air were that of clinking silverware. When they were almost finished with the meal, Shadow Milk Cookie finally spoke up again.
"So, are you planning on going with him?" His voice was strained, almost angry.
Black Sapphire sighed and answered, "Not yet. I want to give myself plenty of time to say goodbye. I can't just leave you or Candy Apple without doing at least that much."
Some of the tension in the air settled as he said that, and they finished their meal in relative peace.
Another week went by before Candy Apple returned from spying on the faeries. Black Sapphire spent most of it in his room, talking to Silverbell. They were chatting and flirting as if one had never crumbled the other.
"Why don't we ever touch anymore?" Black Sapphire asked one day.
"What do you mean?" Silverbell was sitting next to the radio host on his bed.
"We used to kiss and hold hands all the time. What's changed?"
"Oh... Well, since I'm not alive anymore, I can't touch those who are without hurting them... But if you decide to come with me, we can kiss and hold hands and whatever else all to your heart's content."
"And if I don't decide to go with you?"
"I'll stay by your side. Even if you move on and decide to find someone new, I'll be here."
Black Sapphire's breath hitched. He didn't think he'd ever "move on" from Silverbell. He was the best thing to ever happen to him. He was never going to find someone who made him feel the same way Silverbell did.
Black Sapphire sighed as Candy Apple continued to yell. She'd been like this ever since Shadow Milk had told her what Silverbell had said. She was screaming and crying about how she didn't want him to go and how she wouldn't let Silverbell steal her big brother from her, not giving him a chance to explain. By the time she had tired herself out, she was clinging to him, her tears having dried and turned to sniffling. He bent down and wrapped his arms around his little sister, holding her close to his chest.
"I'm not leaving right away. We still have plenty of time to say goodbye before I make my decision."
"But I don't wanna say goodbye," She said pitifully, her tear-stained face buried in his shoulder.
"I'm sure I can still find ways to come visit you."
"I'm gonna kill him for wanting to steal my brother from me. You're mine."
Black Sapphire chuckled softly and said with a tingle of sadness in his voice, "He's already dead so I don't think that'll work."
Candy Apple clung to him, and he just let her hold on, whispering comforting words to her. When she finally dozed off, he picked her up and carried her to her room, tucking her into bed and giving her a gentle kiss on the head before slipping out of the room.
When he returned to his room, he sat down at his desk and tried to get a script done. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get himself to focus on his work. Silverbell had been silent all day and Black Sapphire was starting to get worried. What if... What if he'd moved on without him? No. He wouldn't do that. Right?
"You might burn a hole through that paper if you stare at it anymore intensely."
Black Sapphire spun around and saw Silverbell in front of his window. His breath hitched as it always did when he saw the glowing, ethereal form of his favorite faerie. After a few moments, the former knight smiled at him, and the radio host couldn't help but smile back. Silverbell walked over and stood in front of Black Sapphire.
"Oh witches, I wish I could kiss you right now. You're so adorable."
"I am not."
Silverbell just laughed at that. Black Sapphire loved that sound. To him, it was one of the best sounds in the world. It was as beautiful and delicate as the faerie himself. It took all of his willpower not to grab Silverbell and kiss him right then and there.
"I'm sorry for killing you." The guilt in the words was clear.
Sillverbell reached for Black Sapphire, hesitating right before his hand touched the radio host's cheek. He lowered his hand, and Black Sapphire felt a sharp, painful sadness stab its way through his heart. However, it faded quickly when Silverbell placed a quick, almost non-existent kiss on his cheek. He felt a tingle of pain where the ghost's lips had touched, but he didn't care. That small kiss made him long for more. He also felt a small part of himself being taken away with the kiss, but he brushed it off. Surely it wasn't anything important.
"It's okay. I don't blame you."
After that, Black Sapphire's health slowly began to deteriorate. He didn't even realize when it started. He still felt great. Better than great. He didn't feel hungry or tired anymore. He still knew he needed those things, but he didn't feel the need for them anymore. He started skipping meals and losing sleep. He was so much more productive now. Why would he rest when there was so much he could get done? This newfound productivity allowed Black Sapphire to get caught up on the work he'd been procrastinating on.
When he finally left his room after getting everything done, he still felt great, but exhaustion was starting to creep in. He was shocked when he bumped, quite literally, into Candy Apple. This was the first time in a couple of weeks he'd seen any other cookies besides Silverbell, and the two of them hadn't touched again since that small peck on the cheek. It had been so long since he'd been around other living cookies that he'd nearly forgotten that he himself was still alive.
"You look awful! When was the last time you ate anything?"
Black Sapphire just shrugged since he truly couldn't remember. He hadn't felt the need to eat, so he hadn't eaten. His sister's eyes filled with worry as she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the dining hall. He just let her pull him along; he felt amazing still.
"You need to eat," She said as she sat him down at the table and went to the kitchen to get him some food.
"Why? I feel great," He replied as she came back and set a plate in front of him.
"Just because you feel great doesn't mean you actually are. Now eat."
He sighed and ate, knowing deep down that his sister was right. The food tasted like ash, but he forced it down. He needed to eat. He knew that. He just didn't feel hunger anymore. Nor had he been feeling exhaustion. But that was starting to seep into his dough and cling to him like sludge.
When he was finished eating, Candy Apple insisted that he needed to get some sleep. He didn't argue. He knew she was right. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually gotten a full night's rest. He just hadn't been feeling tired. He let Candy Apple tuck him in and sing him to sleep.
When he woke up, Shadow Milk was shaking him, a worried expression on his face.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't look like it."
Black Sapphire didn't argue as his dad dragged him out of bed and out of his room. It wasn't until they left the Spire that he spoke up.
"Where are we going?"
"To the Ivory Pagoda. Hopefully, Mystic Flour will have an idea of what's going on with you. You haven't been normal since the death of that faerie of yours."
Black Sapphire rolled his eyes. He was fine. Better than fine. Ever since Silverbell had kissed him on the cheek, he'd felt as if he'd been floating on cloud nine. He hadn't felt hungry or tired or sad in so long, and he didn't want to lose that.
Shadow Milk dragged him inside the Ivory Pagoda, greeting Cloud Haetae Cookie and asking them where Mystic Flour was. When he got an answer, he made his way deeper into the Pagoda, dragging his son along with him. When they reached the apathetic cookie, the two Beasts greeted each other like old friends.
"What brings you here, Shadow Milk Cookie?"
In response to the question, his father shoved Black Sapphire towards Mystic Flour and said, "Something's wrong with him. He's been weird ever since I had him kill his boyfriend."
"Nothing's wrong with me," The radio host protested.
"Yes there is! You just went two weeks without food or sleep. That's not normal! Or healthy!"
"Two weeks is oddly specific. Black Sapphire Cookie, did anything happen two weeks ago?"
"Silverbell kissed me on the cheek," Black Sapphire admitted.
"I thought Silverbell Cookie was dead?"
"He is," Shadow Milk said sharply. "But he's been haunting my son, wanting him to 'go with him', whatever the fuck that means."
"Oh dear."
"What? What's wrong?" Shadow Milk stared at the apathetic woman, trying not to show his concern.
"Well, for some spirits, not all but some, when they make contact with the living, it slowly kills the latter. Which means that when Silverbell kissed Black Sapphire, your son lost a part of himself. More specifically, a part of him died."
"What part?"
"Well, how has he been acting?"
"Like he drank too much berry juice. He's been very happy recently."
"Then he most likely can't feel most emotions that would be considered negative by most. That might be why he hasn't been eating or sleeping. Hunger and exhaustion aren't pleasant things for cookies to experience."
"Well, is there a way to undo it? I want my son to be normal again."
"I don't think so. The only ways to fix him would be to let him die or bring Silverbell back."
"I'm not doing either of those."
"Then there's nothing that can be done. All you can do now is try to prevent Silverbell from taking more."
Shadow Milk frowned but didn't say anything else. The two left, returning to the Spire. They walked in complete silence, both of them thinking about what they'd learned. Black Sapphire wouldn't mind joining Silverbell if it meant they could stay together, but he doubted his father would be so willing to let him go.
After that, the radio host began getting ready to say his goodbyes. He wanted to hold Silverbell in his arms again, and he couldn't do that while he was alive. But the fear of death still haunted him like the ghost of the faerie he cherished so much. He couldn't decide between staying with his family or going with his beloved. Every day, he would talk to Silverbell whenever he got the chance, but those moments were getting fewer and far between. Shadow Milk didn't want to lose his only son. It was understandable, but Black Sapphire was getting tired of constantly being watched. Any moment to himself was blessing, not matter how small.
As the days went on, he started spending more time with his family. They all knew he was getting ready to say goodbye. They just didn't know when. He didn't know when either. He just knew that he was going to have to say goodbye. He kept talking to Silverbell, growing closer to him. He wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. Would he ever be ready?
"Sapphi?"
Black Sapphire looked up from his desk and towards his window, smiling when he saw his ethereal boyfriend.
"Hey Silvie."
Silverbell approached the deceitful cookie, stopping a few feet away.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"I'm fine. When are you gonna make your decision?"
"I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to say goodbye."
"You don't have to leave them forever."
"I know, but it's still hard to say goodbye even for a little bit. Shadow Milk raised me when I didn't have anyone else."
"I know."
The two continued to talk, sitting on the radio host's bed and flirting with each other. Silverbell steered the conversation away from talking about decisions to make, and they focused on the present.
A few days passed, and Black Sapphire was finally ready to make his decision. He was saying his goodbyes to his family. Candy Apple Cookie clung to him and cried, pleading with him not to go. He held onto her, letting her cry into his shoulder. Shadow Milk wrapped his arms around both of them, and Black Sapphire started crying into his shoulder. He was going to miss his family.
"My Sapphire, are you ready?"
Black Sapphire let go of his family and turned to Silverbell. The spirit approached and cupped Black Sapphire's cheeks in his hands. He let out a soft hiss of pain as the ghostly hands made contact with his dough. He could hear his father holding his sister back. Silverbell leaned in and kissed him which he gladly returned. He could feel his body crumbling, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It hurt so much, but it felt so wonderful. As Silverbell pulled away from the kiss, he pulled Black Sapphire into the afterlife. The former radio host said his last goodbyes to his family before following his beloved into the afterlife.