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Tikki was worried, because she was seldom not.
She was also worried because Marinette, another constant in her life, had recently been undergoing some changes. Or maybe Marinette was making the changes of her own accord. Either way, it was — worrying.
There was Marinette's sudden calmness. Like the girl was self-sedating or something. She always used to be high-strung about everything, and while it was good in one sense that Marinette had relaxed a bit more lately, it was also concerning in the same way it would be concerning for an entire city to suddenly go completely, zero-decibel quiet.
There was also Marinette's sudden lack of interest in romance, which was concerning in a similar way. She hadn’t daydreamt about Adrien for weeks, at least not as far as Tikki had been able to observe; she hadn’t called her friends over to make any confession plans, and she hadn’t even glanced at any of the Adrien photos on the walls. If Marinette had moved on, then that was fair enough, but her shift had been so… sudden.
And last but not least, and perhaps in fact the opposite of least, Marinette had started giving Tikki a command every night before bedtime. It was, “Stay in the miracle box and don’t come up to bed until it’s morning, unless there’s an emergency.”
Tikki had no idea if it was a binding command, because she hadn’t tried to break it. Maybe it was just a heartfelt wish from Marinette’s side. But it sounded urgent enough that Tikki hadn’t wanted to contravene it.
Today, though, she was going to. She was going to try to fly up to the bed, and if she made it then she would know what Marinette was doing up there. If she didn’t make it, if an invisible wall locked her in place… she might need to contact Plagg, or Trixx, or one of the other kwamis. She seriously hoped that Marinette wouldn’t have gone that far. If she had, something was seriously wrong. Something must have gone to her head — stress, maybe, or even worse an akuma or other controlling influence.
Even the thought of that made Tikki shiver; Marinette was one of the cleverest Miraculous holders ever born. It would be hell to fight her, and if Tikki were dragged into the fight on an akumatised Marinette’s side, there might be nothing left of the city in the aftermath.
That was why Tikki hoped that Marinette was just self-sedating in some way. If the only thing happening was that Marinette had started smoking a dank bowl of bud, or whatever it was called, then that was worrying compared to the norm but it was positively wonderful compared to the worst case scenario.
It turned out not to matter that night, anyway. Marinette was so tired she almost walked into walls the last hour before going to sleep, and climbed up the ladder to her bed without even saying goodnight. Tikki still went into the miracle box for a bit, just in case, but she was still going outside to check on her holder. Like any good kwami would.
When the time struck 22:00 hours, Tikki escaped the box again. There was clearly nothing restricting her, not that she was expecting it today. There was no need to be concerned when no command had been given.
There might be a small need to be concerned about the sounds coming from up in the bed, however. It sounded like Marinette had hurt herself and lay twisting in pain. Was Marinette coping with the stress by self-harm? No — surely not — she wouldn’t, would she?
That thought running through Tikki’s mind like an angry horse, she flew up to the bed as fast as she could and prepared to shout, ‘No!’ —
— but when she got up there, she saw something completely different.
Marinette was there. And Marinette was kissing, even snogging, Marinette.
There were… two Marinettes, and they were kissing like their lives depended on it.
“... Um,” said Tikki, entirely unsure what else she could possibly say but convinced that she shouldn’t be seeing this without at least letting Marinette know she was there.
Both Marinettes jolted apart. “Who— who said that?” they said, in perfect unison, and then they turned towards Tikki, also in unison.
Tikki tried a friendly smile. But she knew it probably looked more like an embarrassed grin.
“T-Tikki!” said one Marinette.
“What a, a,” said the other.
“Susurprise!” finished the first.
Tikki dropped her grin, because it was painful both to wear and to imagine looking at from the outside. “What’s going on, Marinette?” she said. “And, um, Marinette?”
“We, we, we,” started one Marinette,
“We were just p-practising,” continued the other,
“Some, some moves, of some variety!” added the first,
“To get out of a, a hold,” completed the other.
“You were kissing,” said Tikki. “I saw you.”
The Marinettes — Tikki decided that in her head, she would call them Mari and Nette, just to keep them in order — flushed synchronously. “That was, um…” they started, in unison, and then they looked at each other and Nette closed her mouth.
“We were practising for Adrien,” said Mari.
Tikki glanced between the two of them. Neither of them had a lying face that was much better than the other’s, which was to say, both were terrible.
She sighed. “You don’t care about Adrien anymore, do you?”
“Wh-what?” started Mari. “Y-y—”
“—es we do,” continued Nette, seamlessly filling in for Mari’s stutter. “We love him!”
“Just like always!”
“Then why are you holding hands like that?” asked Tikki, pointing.
It was a very tight grip. So tight that it almost seemed like they were afraid they would fly apart if they didn’t hold on, but also a species of gentle. Marinette didn’t even hold hands with Alya like that.
“Training hand strength!” said Mari.
“Yes!” said Nette, nodding furiously. “If we don’t keep our fingers strong, we, we,”
“We’re going to lose our grip on something important!”
Tikki rolled her eyes. “You still haven’t let go of each other, though.”
“That’s because —” tried Nette.
“Look. I’m not judging you,” said Tikki. “If you want to kiss yourself, I’m not going to stop you. It’s fine if you’re into that.”
Both their eyes — well, all four of their eyes — widened. “R-really?” said Mari.
“Yeah.” Gods knew, and literally nobody else, that Tikki had tried the same on some of the universe-crossing occasions she’d been through. It was just too irresistible not to: anyone would, right? If they had the chance to find out how they themselves tasted, how they felt, what kind of body heat they emitted. Anyone would jump at the chance to find out if they’re a good kisser or not. Tikki had tried it about five times, and while she wasn’t really into romance in any form, she hadn’t regretted a single kiss she’d shared with another Tikki.
And frankly, Marinette had always struggled to love herself. If this was what it took to get her to do that, then Tikki welcomed it, because a good self-kiss was probably worth a thousand Tikki pep talks.
“Well…” said Nette. “I guess it’s not strictly for practice…”
“I tried it,” said Mari. “Just to see. And I kinda liked it?”
“So I kept doing it,” said Nette. “It’s much easier than trying to confess because, um…”
“Because I know what I like, I guess? So I don’t have to worry about doing anything wrong or messing things up…”
“And if I do mess up, at least I won’t hate me,” finished Nette.
That was the most bald-faced lie Tikki had ever heard. Marinette had hated herself for messing up by forgetting her gym bag in the morning. Then again, maybe it was easier to forgive herself if herself was literally another body.
“How are there two of you?”
“I, um, I met a witch,” said Mari, while Nette scratched the back of her head — meaning Nette’s head. “Somewhere. She taught me a spell.”
“She taught you a spell for cloning yourself,” said Tikki, hoisting an eyebrow.
“No!” said Nette. “I’m actually astrally projecting. But I’m not very good at it so I can only astrally project six feet away, at most.”
“Which is great for kissing, but not much else.” Mari shook her head. “I can’t even astrally project you, Tikki, so I can’t make two Ladybugs either…”
Tikki was about to say, ‘Oh, that’s fine,’ but then she thought about how great it would have been to kiss herself any time she wanted, and got just a little bit annoyed about it. She gritted her teeth instead. “That’s… good for you…”
“Anyway, um, I’m sorry I disturbed you,” said Mari. She snapped her finger then, and Nette just disappeared; the blanket that had been half wrapped around Nette’s hips sagged together on the mattress. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Like I said,” replied Tikki. “It’s fine. If you want to kiss yourself, it’s fine. Whether it’s emotional support or safety or peace of mind. I’m just happy to see you happy.” Her teeth gritted again, just a bit, at the end.
“… Really?” said Marinette, her eyes going wide.
“Yes. Kiss yourself all you want. Hold your own hands. Stroke your own thighs.” Marinette blushed again. “I thought you were doing something bad, like skunking weeds, but this is normal and fine behaviour.”
Marinette’s eyes were still incredibly wide. “You really think so?”
“Yes. That’s why I said it.” Self-dating was much better than self-sedating, after all.
“Oh, thank the stars,” said Marinette heaving a great sigh of relief. “I was worrying I’d done something bad…” She snapped her fingers, and Nette appeared once more. They immediately leant in for another kiss on the lips — and that was when Tikki’s jealousy boiled over.
She flew right inbetween them, putting her tiny hands on their lips. “However!” she almost-shouted. “However.”
“... What?” said Nette.
“My approval is dependent on you teaching me this spell. I also want to astrally project.”
“Oh! So we can be two Ladybugs?” said Mari.
Tikki shook her head.
“Oh,” said Nette, catching on.
“Yes. Now teach me the spell already!”
And thus, having made each other just a little bit worse, the two separate individuals who constituted Paris’s hero of creation went to bed tired and doubled — but kissed.