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In retrospect, Xie Lian should have known Hua Cheng wouldn’t buy his explanation for the disorganized state the Thousand Lights Temples was currently in. If the two of them, a Supreme Ghost King and a Martial God really had a fight last night, the place would be far messier. A complete shambles would probably be more believable.
But Xie Lian had never been a good liar.
“Gege, tell me what happened last night. Did I…do something to you…?” Hua Cheng’s voice shook slightly, a contrary to his usual suave, confident self.
Should Xie Lian tell him the truth? But what if after learning what Xie Lian did, Hua Cheng took this as a form of betrayal and grew to hate him? What if he didn’t want to see him anymore? Xie Lian didn’t think his century-old heart could take losing Hua Cheng this way.
“Tell me, Your Highness,” Hua Cheng almost pleaded, his single obsidian eye holding his gaze, unyielding. “Please.”
Xie Lian found himself unable to deflect anymore. What right did he have to keep things concerning Hua Cheng to begin with? He had every right to know. He had even told Xie Lian to leave him alone right before losing his last bit of rationality, clearly averse to letting anyone witness his frenzied state. Maybe Xie Lian should have listened, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave his dear friend in such a state of distress. And by going against the other’s will, even with a good intention, he had violated his trust.
Xie Lian realized he should come clean before causing more damage, like he always did. He averted his eyes from the other’s scrutinization, and drew in a slow, stuttering breath to steel himself for the inevitable.
“San Lang you…you asked me to stay, shortly after telling me to leave. I called your name, over and over, but you were so out of it and didn’t seem to recognize me. Then you grabbed me by my arms, pushed me down on the altar table and−”
“I tried to get away but you wouldn’t let me. You, um, you looked like you were in a great deal of pain...” Xie Lian could feel his nerve starting to slip away, but pushed through to finish, “And I−we…I mean…y−you, you k−kissed me. It seemed to be easing some of your distress and I didn’t know how else to help you, so, ah… I−I kissed San Lang back…”
There. He said it. His heart was beating madly in his throat, and he couldn’t bring himself to look up, afraid to learn what expression he was wearing. Disbelief? Mortification? Or worse…disgust? Probably all of the above.
It shouldn’t have been a big deal, given they had kissed a few times before. The difference was that this time Xie Lian was aware of the special feeling he had for the other, something that had likely been there long ago, maybe even before their kiss underwater. And last night, behind the disguise of offering assistance, he had taken advantage of his friend.
“But, it didn’t have to mean anything!” Even though it meant everything to me and I enjoyed every second of it. “I was just, trying to help you draw out the excessive spiritual power running wild through your body. It’s just like ah, a medical procedure, yes. So please, San Lang, pay it no mind!”
Hua Cheng was yet to say a word since his admission of guilt. Dredging of the unavoidable outcome and yet unable to take the silence any longer, Xie Lian finally chanced a glance at the other. His heart dropped at the sight.
Head lowered, only the lower half of Hua Cheng’s face was visible, but Xie Lian didn’t miss how his complexion had gone a shade paler than normal, if that was even possible, and his lips had tightened into a thin line. His whole being radiating something akin to gloom and moroseness.
“…San…Lang?” Xie Lian tried. When there was no response, his hand reached out hesitantly. Everyone else would have missed it, but he caught the slight wince from the other, and Xie Lian immediately halted his movement, feeling like his heart had been stabbed by a blade.
Hua Cheng didn’t want to be touched. He wouldn’t even look him in the eye. As always, no relationship lasted when it came to the fallen god that no one remembered or wanted. And now, he’d singlehandedly ruined the best thing that had happened to him in years. Centuries.
Yet, when Hua Cheng finally raised his head and spoke up, it was the last thing Xie Lian expected him to say.
“I am sorry, Your Highness.”
“What−why are you apologizing? It should be me−”
“Because this lowly one has taken your advantage and violated your trust. I am undeserving of your kindness and selflessness,” Hua Cheng said, voice low, the turbulence in his gaze betraying the rest of his unreadable expression. E-ming, who had calmed down with Xie Lian’s caressing earlier, resumed vibrating on the table as if in agitation, his big round eye narrowed in anguish. “This one doesn’t dare asking for Your Highness’ forgiveness.”
“San Lang, no, it’s not like that! I−−” Xie Lian wanted to explain so badly, but his throat suddenly grew tight, frustration and self-loath sweltered in his chest, making it hard to find his voice. He extended his hand instead, but remembering the other’s reaction a moment ago, he flinched back at the last minute.
Seeing his hesitation, Hua Cheng’s gaze went downcast again, a flash of hurt seeping into his expression before he smoothed it over into composure. “I would understand if Your Highness doesn’t want to see my face or talk to me right now. This one will…take his leave.”
With that, the Ghost King turned to walk away.
Looking back, Xie Lian should have known that Hua Cheng didn’t mean it as a farewell, that he would always come back, but his muddled mind wasn’t thinking straight at that moment, and he panicked.
No.
Don’t.
Don’t leave me.
“Don’t leave me!” Like a man possessed, Xie Lian’s body moved on their own accord. Before he realized it, his legs had brought him forward, both his hands grabbing onto the back of Hua Cheng’s robe, wrinkling the fine red fabric like a petulant child demanding his parent’s attention.
“I−I’m so sorry, San Lang b−but please, don’t go! I know it’s very selfish of me to ask this of you. I know…I know San Lang has someone dear he’s trying to win over, and I’m already taking up so much of your time, but I really treasure this−our relationship. After centuries of being alone I thought I was fine with it…but getting to spend time with you, talk to you, go on adventures with you−−it’s been so long since I laugh so much. Everything’s just…much more beautiful with you by my side. San Lang always brings me happiness, makes me feel safe and seen and listened to.”
Xie Lian could feel his eyes starting to sting, voice croaking with his emotions spilling all over the place. How ridiculous he must look right now. If any heavenly officials were to see his current state, he would no doubt become the laughing stock of all three realms once again. That didn’t concern him, though; salvaging this relationship with San Lang was far more important than the meaningless dignity he had discarded long ago.
“So please, San Lang...please don’t hate me,” he continued, voice growing shakier by second. “Don’t leave me alone…I−I don’t know what I’ll do if you…” An unruly tear slipped down his cheek. Trying to hold back the dam, his throat closed up. At the next breath he let out, his words turned into a hiccup.
Then, red engulfed him.
“Dianxia, I will never leave you, let alone hate you. Even when we’re forced apart, I will still find ways to come back to you.”
“San Lang…” Xie Lian mumbled into Hua Cheng’s shoulder, unable to form an articulate response with the whirlwind of emotions in his mind. Was this a dream? How could he be so lucky to have this amazing person willing to stay by his side despite everything? Xie Lian wrapped his arms around the other’s back, holding onto the miracle with all his might like it would disappear any second.
How strange it was, that even though ghosts have no heartbeat or body heat, warmth would still find ways to seep through Xie Lian’s entire being whenever he was in Hua Cheng’s arms. Right now, he felt like being wrapped him in a cocoon of the softest blankets, and he couldn’t help but relaxed against the other.
“I promise you, I will forever stay by your side, for as long as you will have me,” Hua Cheng spoke just above Xie Lian’s head. “That is, unless Your Highness gets tired of this one…”
“Never! I will never get tired of San Lang!” Xie Lian pushed back just enough to look up at the other, and was finally able to meet his eye. Up close, he was once again hit by the Ghost King’s unfairly handsome features. How could he possibly grow tired of this face?
“I’m glad,” Hua Cheng smiled, softly. “It’s an honor to be allowed to stay by gege’s side.”
There was wonder in his dark eye as if Xie Lian had just hung the moon and the stars. Xie Lian’s heart clenched tightly with longing, hand aching to cradle that cheek. He couldn’t, though, because as close as they were, he knew this intimate gesture was reserved solely for Hua Cheng’s one and only.
“San Lang.”
“Yes, gege?”
“What about…San Lang’s beloved? Won’t they get upset knowing you’re spending so much time with me…?”
“Oh, Gege needn’t worry,” Hua Cheng replied, a corner of his lips quirked up slightly. “I’m sure they won’t mind at all.”
“But you don’t know that for sure! If I were them, I wouldn’t want my time with you being shared. I would definitely get jealous−−” He jolted back as soon as the last word left his lips, untangling himself from the embrace. Blood rushed up to his face, matching the color of the robe he was still subconsciously clinging to.
Ah…what on earth was wrong with him? Did he have no filter whatsoever? Wasn’t this practically admitting his non-platonic feeling for San Lang?! What a way to ruin a precious moment…!
“Gege, what do you…” Hua Cheng’s voice was suddenly low and hoarse. The hint of mirth from before was gone from his eye, now glistening with something like hopeful yearning. “What are you saying…?”
If Xie Lian didn’t know better, he would have seen Hua Cheng’s reaction as him anticipating a confession and would reciprocate the feeling. But Xie Lian knew his poor luck well. He was just a banished god. A scrap collector. A nobody at all. The world wouldn’t suddenly be so kind to give him the biggest gift there was in all three realms.
So instead of pouring his heart out, he carefully reigned in his emotions. “I−It’s nothing…hahaha, I was just, um, babbling nonsense,” he stammered. Dipping his head, half in shame and half in embarrassment, he pushed against the other’s chest trying to put some distance between them, only to be stopped by the hands still gently encircling his lower back.
“San Lang ah, let me go…” he all but pleaded, eyes darting everywhere and face turning bright red all over.
“Gege, my gege, would you look at me? Please?” Hua Cheng said, tone full of tenderness and patience, stirring up the feeling Xie Lian tried to stomp down just a moment earlier. And because his heart was weak, he complied and gingerly raised his head.
For a long moment, they merely gazed into each other’s eyes, Xie Lian lost in the depth of that beautiful obsidian iris. Then, something shifted in Hua Cheng’s expression. He wasn’t sure what caused it, but shock and then realization flashed across the other’s face, before it slowly morphed into unbearable fondness.
Enchanted, Xie Lian wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but definitely not this.
“Gege, close your eyes.” Hua Cheng whispered.
“Huh?”
“Do you trust San Lang?”
“With my life,” He blurted out without a trace of hesitation, surprising both of them. Shock shifted into affection in Hua Cheng’s eye.
“This one is immensely honored to have gained gege’s trust. Now, would gege please close his eyes for me? I have something I’d like to offer you.”
Xie Lian nodded, eyelids fluttering close, his heart pounding like crazy.
Then, the next moment, warmth and softness pressed gently against his lips. And something wonderful unfurled within his chest.
The kiss started slow. Clumsy and tentative, especially from Xie Lian’s side. And Hua Cheng−his sweet, loving San Lang−moved a hand from his lower back and placed it on his cheek, gently guiding him to tilt his head a tiny bit to the side. Just like that, Xie Lian found himself relaxed instantly, melting under the other’s touch and warmth and started chasing for more. Hua Cheng gave willingly.
Unlike those other times they kissed under the pretense of sharing breath or spiritual energy, there was no convenient excuse this time, only with their own desire as the driving force. Their lips slotted together in perfect harmony. It felt so nice. So addictive. And Xie Lian didn’t ever want it to stop, his fingers curled tightly into the lapels of Hua Cheng’s inner shirt to bring them closer.
They only broke off when Xie Lian’s need for oxygen couldn’t be ignored any longer. Still, their foreheads stayed connected and noses merely an inch apart, both refusing to stray far as if worried the distance might burst this bubble of blissfulness. Flushed from head to toe, Xie Lian felt slightly dazed. Like living in a dream. Like experiencing a fourth ascension, until he suddenly remembered.
“San Lang, your special someone−−”
“Is you.”
“H−huh?”
“It’s you, gege.” The words were uttered in the softest voice but with such intensity. Like a reverent prayer by a loyal devotee but also like a secret whisper by an affectionate lover. “You are my special someone, my noble beloved, my beautiful god. You are the reason I stay in this world, the reason I refuse to rest in peace. Gege, there has never been anyone else and has always been you. Only you.”
“It’s…me? You…do you mean it?”
“I promise, you will not find another person who is more sincere than me in this world.”
His vision blurred. His heart filled with so much happiness, threatening to burst out. The only reply he managed to give was a small whimper from the back of his throat before throwing himself into the other’s arms again.
“San Lang, San Lang…” Xie Lian chanted between sobs. The hand on his back rubbed in a soothing motion, but his heartbeat refused to slow down. “San Lang ah…”
“Hmm, San Lang is here, gege.”
“I love you, San Lang.”
“I love you too, gege. You are the love of my life and afterlife,” Hua Cheng murmured into his hair, voice tender and full of reverence, and Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat again. He let go only to cradle Hua Cheng’s face in his hands, like he was holding the most precious gift in this world. And he was.
“What have I ever done to deserve you?”
“Oh, Your Highness,” Hua Cheng breathed, cupping his hands with his own. Pure awe swum in the depth of his eye. “You deserve so much more than what you think you do and have been given. I only wish from this day forward, you will allow this one to offer you whatever your heart desires.”
“But San Lang ah, that’s impossible. Because I already have the greatest treasure I could ever dream of having in my arms.”
The beautiful answering smile he received was irrefutable proof of that.