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The door to the handicrafts room creaked open, breaking the ever-present silence. Nazuna sheepishly walked through the door, avoiding eye contact with his two unit mates.
Like soft rain from a greying cloud, he was showered in praise.
“Oh my sweet Nito, like a perennial flower you’ve come back to me after the colds of a winter, blossoming even more beautiful than the last time I’ve seen you,” said Shu, syrupy sweet words lingering on Nazuna’s ears. He’d only been out for three days with a cold, but with the weekend added as well, it had been five days since he’d seen his unit mates. His voice was hoarse, but his fever was down a few days ago so he shouldn’t be contagious anymore. He should have expected Shu to say something so embarrassing, blushing slightly.
“We’ve been apart for far too long, Nito. Do take care that you don’t get sick again,” Shu said, fussing over his outfit.
“I got ya some cough drops, they’re berry flavored,” said Mika, putting a bag of them on the desk next to where Shu was picking lint and other sorts of impurities off Nazuna’s outfit.
“Those are practically just sugar.” The bitterness in Shu’s voice was expected and acknowledged.
“Yeah, but they’ll make him feel better,” said Mika. He thought it would be a nice gesture, but sometimes Shu could be weird about things like that. He was very particular about what he put in his mouth, and by association what the two of them put in their mouths as well.
Mika meant well, but Shu felt a slight jealousy that Mika had gotten Nazuna a gift, and he hadn’t. What kind of soulmate was he if he was shown up by his unit mate? He’d do better about it next time. But he could give Nazuna something now.
He always needed excuses for it. Reasons that weren’t just boiled down to silly feelings and hormones. Such human farces.
“Nito deserves to feel the best he can. Allow me to assist, to replenish the love that has dwindled in my absence,” Shu said, a bit giddy with himself. Shu pressed his lips against Nazuna’s cheek, holding them there for a few seconds. Nazuna always smelled so good. It was definitely whatever shampoo he used, and Shu could only catch a whiff of it when he was so close he was practically tasting him, like right now. It was a scent he hoped only he knew, though Mika had probably picked up on it as well.
Now Nazuna’s cheeks were even redder. Shu could be so embarrassing sometimes. They had just gone five days without seeing each other, and Shu was acting like he’d gone off to war or something. Five days wasn’t that long, but for someone as clingy as Shu was it must have felt so much longer. From the moment they met, they were practically attached at the hip, Shu chasing after him. He’d never been pursued so hard by someone before, most people didn’t spare a second glance when looking at him. Shu made him feel like he was the only thing worth looking at, that he was special, and perfect. And he liked that feeling. But sometimes Shu made him feel… less than perfect.
“Nnah… Maybe someday I’ll get one of Oshi-san’s kisses. I think ma heart wouldn’t be able ta take it.” Mika softened his gaze as his mind began to fill with a dreamlike haze. He knew Shu only had eyes for Nazuna, but sometimes he liked to pretend that he could be just as pretty and loved as the other doll. That Shu would brush his hair and take care into putting cute outfits on him like he did for Nazuna. He tried to play into it more, pretending like he couldn’t lace his corset, or figure out how to put his belt together, so Shu could dress him. Instead, he was met with frustration that he ‘couldn’t even do something so simple.’
If only he could be a perfect doll, like Nazuna. Then he could be loved, pampered, and taken care of.
“The implication that I would put my lips on such an imperfect work of art is utterly preposterous. Though you may look fairly enticing, the second a word comes out of your mouth I am reminded that it would be an absurdity to treat you with such gentleness,” snapped Shu. That boy was completely shameless, he didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut. It was as if every thought that managed to tumbleweed through his empty head ended up being spoken aloud.
Did he want to kiss Mika? Want, a strange emotion to have. He knew he shouldn’t want, for he had already found his soulmate in life. Lecherous thoughts of a life beyond his beautiful doll poisoned his heart, and if let it take control there was no telling where it would take him. He couldn’t desire Mika, but he could appreciate him from afar, as one would a delicate flying insect such as a butterfly.
Did he think about kissing Mika? Another dangerous question, one he shut down more times than not because even thinking about the topic was enough to make him consider impurities.
Mika looked less chipper. His eyes had lost the sparkle, mouth slightly open into a pout. If he kept keeping his lips parted, he was sure to breathe through his mouth. It would explain a lot.
Shu’s words weren’t even directed at Nazuna, yet they stung. He felt a burning sensation in the ghost of the kiss Shu laid on his cheek. He hated it when Shu got like this. Mika was a good boy, he did everything Shu asked of him and never once complained, yet Shu couldn’t even spare so much as a thanks for him.
Why was he so rude to Mika? He didn’t deserve any of it, not even if he messed up occasionally. He was a first year, over a year younger than Nazuna himself, and didn’t have all the same proficiencies as the two of them. Yet even still, he was a quick learner, and possibly more skilled than Nazuna was this time last year.
This cruelty was completely uncalled for. Nazuna saw how Mika looked at Shu, how much he adored him. It was almost so intense that he wondered if it was more of a religious or romantic devotion. Probably a little of both. It couldn’t feel good to be scorned and humiliated by your own god.
Though Shu was too obsessed with himself to notice it, Nazuna knew that deep down Mika was very sensitive. He could bounce back from any set of words Shu hurled at him, but he wondered how much more he could take, which words would be the final statement that broke the dam of emotions ready to crash out. His heart was kind, he deserved to be treated with kindness.
Shu talked about Nazuna like he owned him, controlled him, like he was nothing more than a puppet with its strings tied tight around Shu’s fingers. It was easier to just be a puppet, to please Shu so he didn’t get stressed out. But times were rough now, with the new live system plunging Valkyrie’s ratings below other newer groups. Shu had become increasingly tense. All this talk about purity and whatnot, it was just a kiss. Nazuna didn’t feel any more pure that Shu didn’t kiss him directly on the lips. If anything, he wished they would. Then maybe he’d feel a little bit more human.
He should really say thank you to Mika for the cough drops. But he couldn’t find it in himself to utter the words. His voice- the voice Shu had fallen in love with, was changing, not as angelic and soft as it had once been. He’d have to express his gratitude another way.
So he kissed Mika. Lips connecting to lips. His first real kiss. Nazuna always thought it would be with Shu, eventually. But it had been over a year since they’d started… whatever this was, and he hadn’t gone any farther than kisses on the cheek. When would they have their first? Would it be on their wedding day? Would he get married to Shu? Did he even want to? Nazuna thought he did. Or at least, he’d like to believe he wanted it.
He felt Mika’s kiss against his lips, and suddenly all he could think about was Mika. Mika was full of life and energy, bringing a refreshingly new take to Valkyrie. And to their dynamic. He could be silly, and funny, things that Nazuna really appreciated in the past months. Mika made him feel like things could be less serious than they were, balancing out Shu’s striving for perfection. He could remind him that while they were working towards a performance, there were little day to day things that mattered too. Moments like this, where they were both so glad to see Nazuna again, made him feel good.
Mika was surprised, initially. He hadn’t expected to be kissed so suddenly, but he was glad Nazuna did so. He had quite a bit of admiration for Nazuna, yet both Nazuna and Shu felt like they were unreachable by him. They met before Mika had joined Valkyrie, and had a whole year of memories before him. He knew he’d never be as important to either of them as they were to each other, but Nazuna always made him feel more included. He too thought his first kiss would be with Shu, but less of an expectation and more of a dream, that he simply wouldn’t kiss anyone unless it was Shu. But he was okay with this, no, he was glad Nazuna had done it. Nazuna was hard to read sometimes. He was soft spoken when Mika met him, but these days he hardly ever heard him talk at all. It was difficult to tell what was going on in his mind, but Mika felt he knew exactly what was going on right now. He reached out and grabbed Nazuna’s hand, squeezing slightly, as if to offer a thank you that only Nazuna could hear.
Shu felt like time had frozen in front of him as he saw his dolls partaking in such an indecent act. It was his own fault for refusing to define himself and Nazuna as anything other than the nebulous “soulmates”, which really didn’t add any sort of structure to their dynamic other than Shu getting to shamelessly praise Nazuna without bound. And to that, what was Mika to them? If Shu and Nazuna were two hearts beating as one, and Valkyrie was an expression of their love, what did it mean that Mika was here as well? Was it three hearts now? Could soulmates include another person? It was an uncomfortable question to think about, so he just wouldn’t. They were Valkyrie, that distinction should be enough.
Yet Nazuna had chosen Mika over Shu. Mika had somehow won over the heart of Nazuna, not with grand displays of affection, but with his natural charm. He had initially been against the idea of bringing in someone new to Valkyrie, but Nazuna suggested that they mentor a first year so they could help out with tasks such as sewing outfits and choreography. A new member wouldn’t just be a backup dancer, as Shu had given the title to Mika as, but someone engaged within the creative process as well. He saw potential in Mika, but would he work as hard as he did now if Shu acknowledged it?
Shu was jealous. Oh, so jealous at how casual the two of them could be with their love. A kiss meant something, meant more than he thought the two of them realized. What he would give to be able to kiss Nazuna, to kiss Mika, whenever he felt the desire.
“What have you done, oh, Nito, your beautiful lips have touched another,” Shu cried out as soon as Nazuna pulled out of the kiss. He pressed his thumb against Nazuna’s lips, feeling a swell of emotion wash over him. He should kiss him as well, to make up for the fact that Mika did. But if he did so with Mika’s kiss so fresh upon Nazuna’s lips, he truly would be nothing more than the second person who kissed Nazuna.
Shu covered Mademoiselle’s eyes, taking her off the table and bringing her tight against his chest.
“And in front of a lady, as well! Shame, shame upon both of you! Apologize right this instant!”
Mika had been so delighted about the kiss that he almost forgot that they’d done so in front of Mademoiselle!
“Nnah, m’sorry Madonee! Please forgive us!” said Mika, shaking his head. Nazuna couldn’t help but utter a laugh at Mika apologizing to the doll. Something about Shu demanding an apology but directed away from himself was hilarious. He couldn’t even admit that the kiss made him feel jealous.
“Sorry…” said Nazuna with a scratchy voice, looking over at Shu. His sharp lavender gaze softened more than Nazuna had seen in months. That loving side of him was still in there, despite the hard exterior he’d grown as a protective shell in the past few months. They’d talk later, whenever Shu was ready to. If that’s what Shu wanted.