Work Text:
This night had been a long time coming. Stede’s divorce from Mary was finally official, the paperwork having been signed earlier that afternoon in the offices of Fettering & Hornberry. Ed was, of course, Stede’s first call.
“Well, it’s done.”
“Congrats, mate. Or. I’m sorry? Don’t know what I’m supposed to say here.”
“Congratulations is the appropriate vibe, I think. You know as well as anyone that Mary and I have been headed here for awhile.”
Ed hummed in agreement. He had met Stede five years ago at a conference for local small-business owners. He was enraptured from the moment he laid eyes on the blonde rectangle who wore a three piece teal suit to the “casual” meet and greet the first night. Ed had been worried that his dormant flirting game was actually just well and truly dead when Stede revealed on the second night that he was, in fact, married. To Mary. Who was less than thrilled with her husband’s decision to invest his inheritance from his recently deceased bastard prick of a father in opening The Revenge, a cafe/bar/bookshop/maker space (“For the love of god, Stede, just pick one,” she had said one night over dinner). Ed choked a bit on his whisky when Mary’s name first came up in the hotel lounge that night, but otherwise kept his cool and thus was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. With just the barest hint of pining on Ed’s part. Miniscule. Could barely even notice it. (Unless you were a member of their eventually combined friend group, who agreed that if these two couldn’t figure it out within the decade then they both deserved to pine alone for eternity).
Something about being around Ed made Stede feel free. Free to chase after his whims, no matter how ludicrous. Free to embrace the life he wanted for himself. Free to finally wonder aloud, rather shakily, on Ed’s couch during one of their movie nights, if maybe the friction in his marriage wasn’t perhaps borne of the fact that he simply didn’t find himself attracted to women at all, let alone Mary specifically. Demonstrating remarkable restraint, Ed did not cry out “Yes, mate, that’s it! You’re at least as queer as me. Now kiss me about it. For a start.” Instead, Ed nodded and patted Stede’s knee reassuringly, quietly suggesting that maybe talking it all through with a therapist would provide some clarity. Six months later, Stede texted Ed to say that divorce proceedings had begun and thanked him profusely for being so supportive. Oh, and also would he mind very much if Stede asked him lots of questions about what it was like to be a gay man in his forties.
So. Here they were. Stede was officially divorced and Ed was officially…well, Ed didn’t know what he was officially. Even when it became clear in their first meeting that Stede was not a romantic prospect, Ed couldn’t help but feel that he needed Stede in his life. Stede balanced him out, brought color and whimsy into his life, pulled him up when the melancholy threatened to drag him down. He couldn’t risk losing their friendship.
But.
Stede was divorced now. So…maybe? At the very least, Ed knew that as Stede’s best friend he should do something to mark the occasion for this major turning point in his life. He told Stede that he would wrangle the crew for karaoke that night. Stede could either celebrate with abandon or drown his sorrows, dealer’s choice. Stede agreed with a great deal of enthusiasm. “GREAT!” he had yelled, a bit too loudly, into his phone. Ed chuckled and told him they would all gather at Spanish Jackie’z at eight that night.
Ed arrived at Jackie’z a little early to make sure they had a big enough table near the stage.
“Who the fuck are you tryin’ to impress tonight?” Jackie asked when he arrived.
Ed furrowed his brow. “What d’ya mean?” He was wearing one of his very standard outfits: black leather pants, cropped t-shirt, black leather jacket.
Jackie took a pull on her cigar as she waved her hand up and down in Ed’s direction. “Shirt is two sizes too small. Slutty bun with even sluttier strands. Eyeliner.” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Looks like you’re tryna get fu---”
“Hi, all!” Stede called as he entered the bar and spotted Ed and Jackie.
Saved by the Bonnet. “Hey there, Stede!” Ed pulled him into a hug. Like friends do. “How ya doin’?”
“I’m wonderful, Ed! I’m so excited for tonight. Thank you for putting this together. I saw Lucius and the others parking when I was getting dropped off. They should be along any moment!”
“‘course mate, anythin’ for you.” Ed beamed at him. “First drink’s on me, what’ll it be?”
“Sex on the Beach, I think! Always wanted to try that.”
To his credit, Ed did not faint on the spot, but instead placed their order with Jackie before making their way to the table he had secured.
The rest of the crew--half Ed’s employees, half Stede’s--joined shortly thereafter and soon they were all socially lubricated enough to begin placing their song requests for karaoke.
Stede had kept his choice a secret, saying only that it had happened to come up on his playlist as he was leaving the attorney’s office and it felt rather fitting for the occasion. When it was his turn, Stede practically skipped up onto the stage.
“I’d like to thank all of my lovely friends for being here with me tonight. And special thanks to my most special friend, Ed, for arranging this outing to celebrate. I’m divorced!”
There was a smattering of awkward applause from the audience.
“Most special friend, huh?” Lucius asked Ed pointedly. “Think he has any idea yet?”
“Shut it, Lu,” Ed mumbled into his glass.
“Anyway,” Stede continued in spite of a bit of noisy feedback from the microphone. “This song really captures all that I’m feeling today, and I hope you enjoy it!”
The opening chords to “Freedom” by George Michael began to play and Ed’s face broke into a wide grin as he listened to Stede sing with abandon. By the time he got to the second chorus, Stede was fully into it, bowing down low and then arching his back as he scream-singed the lyrics.
I think there's something you should know
(I think it's time I stopped the show)
There's something deep inside of me
(There's someone I forgot to be)
Take back your picture in a frame
(Don't think that I'll be back again)
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man
All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don't belong to you and you don't belong to me, yeah yeah
Freedom (I won't let you down)
Freedom (I will not give you up)
Freedom (Gotta have some faith in the sound)
You got to give what you take
(It's the one good thing that I've got)
Freedom (I won't let you down)
Freedom (So please don't give me up)
Freedom ('Cause I would really)
You got to give what you take (really love to stick around)
When he finished, Stede placed the mic back in the stand and bowed several times to the wild applause being led by their crew.
“Yeah Stedey boy!” hollered Frenchie.
“Way to go, Cap!” cried Oluwande.
Ed of course was standing up, whistling and clapping louder than all of them. Lucius was watching him with a great deal of side eye.
“That was brilliant, mate!” Ed exclaimed as he pulled Stede in for a hug when he returned to their table.
Stede was flushed and perspiring, purely from his performance, no other reason (really!). “Thank you, Ed! Now, the next round is on me, as a thank you for all your wonderful support during this trying time! What’ll you have?”
“Well I’ll have a Buttery Nipple,” Lucius interjected. “You know, since you’re buying for all of us that have supported you.”
“Oh, yes, of course, Lucius. One Buttery Nipple coming right up. They really should come in pairs, though, don’t you think? Ed, can I tempt you with a Buttery Nipple? Lucius is just crazy about them. Too sweet for me, though, I think I’m sticking with Sex on the Beach!”
“Erm…yup,” Ed squeaked.
“Fab!” Stede made his way to the bar to order their next round.
***
“Say, Ed, have you put in your request yet?” Stede asked while another performance was taking place.
“Nah, not yet. Not sure what I’m in the mood for.” He was nursing a pint he had gotten after downing Buttery Nipples with Lucius.
“Well I had great fun up there, I’d like to go again! What if we did it together?”
“I’d love to do it with you, Stede,” Ed said. “Uh, I mean, d’ya have somethin’ in mind?”
“Actually, yes! You don’t mind a bit more George Michael, do you? I find I’m rather fixated tonight!”
“Lay it on me, mate.” Ed leaned in as Stede whispered in his ear. He laughed. “Hell yeah! Let’s do it!”
Ten minutes later, Ed and Stede took to the stage and performed a duet.
Stede:
You put the boom-boom into my heart (hoo-hoo)
You send my soul sky-high
When your lovin' starts
Jitterbug into my brain (yeah, yeah)
Goes bang-bang-bang
'Til my feet do the same
Ed:
But something's bugging me
Something ain't right
My best friend told me
What you did last night
You left me sleeping in my bed
I was dreaming
But I should've been with you instead
Together:
Wake me up before you go-go
Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo
Wake me up before you go-go
I don't wanna miss it when you hit that high
Wake me up before you go-go
'Cause I'm not planning on going solo
Wake me up before you go-go
Take me dancing tonight
I wanna hit that high, yeah yeah
Their crew gave another standing ovation as the pair left the stage.
“You know, Ed, it’s always puzzled me,” Stede said as they resumed their seats.
“What’s that?”
“How on earth did no one clock that George Michael was gay when there’s a reference to Doris Day right there in the lyrics?! I mean. Come on!”
“Uh, yup, mystery for the ages, that one,” Ed said as he downed a glass of water Lucius had procured for them while they were singing.
“I’m one to talk, I suppose,” Stede sighed. “It was all so different then. It’s no wonder I was so deep in the closet for so many years.”
Ed could see that Stede was reproaching himself for not coming out earlier. “Hey, now. There’s no ‘right’ timetable. You found yourself when you were ready and able. That’s all that matters.”
Stede nodded. “You’re right. Better late than never, I know that. But I can’t help but feel that I’ve missed out on so much. What if it’s too late for me? What if I’ve missed my chance at…love? A relationship that’s actually fulfilling?”
Ed grabbed Stede’s hand. “Hey. Listen to me. It’s never too late. What you’re lookin’ for is out there.” Ed took a breath and squeezed Stede’s hand. “In fact, I think that maybe---”
“Alright, bitches!” Lucius appeared from nowhere, shoving his face right between them. “I’ve put Ed’s name in for a song. You started this George Michael trend, now end it!”
“Wait, what?” Ed asked.
“Trust me, Edward Mirabelle Teach, you’re gonna wanna do this one. Come with me.” Lucius tugged at Ed’s arm and pulled him away from the table. Stede watched as they had a spirited conversation over by the DJ booth. Lucius was glaring at Ed, arms crossed over his chest, while Ed seemed to be gesticulating wildly in protest. Eventually, Lucius leaned in and whispered something in Ed’s ear. Ed’s shoulders relaxed slightly and he nodded his head. Lucius gave him a couple firm pats on the arm and then turned to say something to the DJ. A few moments later, Ed was taking the stage and Lucius had returned to settle into his chair next to Stede.
“Uh, so, this was chosen for me. I can’t be held responsible,” Ed mumbled into the microphone. Then he turned his back to the audience.
“Lucius, what on earth did you select for him?” Stede hissed.
“Quiet, babe. Just watch. And listen.”
The opening to the song began to play and Ed swung his hips back and forth to the music. Then he spun around, grabbed the mic, and began to sing.
Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body
I know not everybody has got a body like you
But I gotta think twice before I give my heart away
And I know all the games you play because I played them too
Ed made direct eye contact with Stede as he sang the opening lyrics to “Faith”. As the song went on, however, Ed’s expression changed and he began to move around the stage and direct the lyrics to other members of their little crew.
“Fuck me,” Lucius said, putting his head in his hands. “Forgot that’s how the rest of it goes.”
“What?” Stede asked, absolutely enthralled with Ed’s performance.
Oh, but I need some time off from that emotion
Time to pick my heart up off the floor
Oh, when that love comes down without devotion
Well it takes a strong man, baby
But I'm showin' you the door
'Cause I gotta' have faith
I gotta have faith
“Nothing. Say, that opening really was something, wasn’t it?”
“Hush! I’m watching Ed!”
Lucius sucked down the rest of his drink through his straw.
Ed finished his performance and then made his way back to their table. Stede clapped him on the back. “That was wonderful, Ed! You really did a great job working the crowd with that one!”
“Cheers, thanks, mate. And thank you, Lucius, for that excellent selection.” He narrowed his eyes at Stede’s long-suffering assistant manager.
“Um, yup, one of my faves. Let me buy you a drink, Ed.”
“Oh abso-fuckin’-lutely you will, mate.”
Ed and Lucius wandered off to the bar while Stede chatted with the rest of the crew. As he filled them in on the details of his “divorce day,” as he called it, he couldn’t help but let his gaze drift over to Ed. Lovely, kind Ed, who had been there for him in every way these last several years. Ed who had so graciously lent a hand when Stede was renovating his…cafe…shop…space. Ed who had given him a shoulder to cry on after every difficult conversation with Mary. Ed who had graciously offered his expertise when setting Stede up on the apps, telling him that when in doubt, be as covered as possible in your profile photos. Leave as much to the imagination as possible, had been Ed’s advice, as he deleted the photos Lucius had selected that featured Stede on the beach in swim trunks. More enticing that way. Stede had yet to see that play out given how empty his notifications were, but he was certain that Ed knew what he was talking about. Stede shook himself from his thoughts and leaned in to listen as Oluwande and Jim debated the merits of hosting a knife-throwing event at The Revenge.
MEANWHILE, AT THE BAR…
“Okay, so that one’s on me. I really only ever paid attention to the opening lines and George’s ass in the music video,” Lucius said as he paid for another round of shots for him and Ed.
“Whole fuckin’ song’s about kickin’ the guy to the curb while ya wait for somethin’ better!” cried Ed. “Yeah, perfect song, Lucius. On opposite day!” Ed downed his shot and immediately signaled for another.
“I know, I know! Okay. We can still fix this.”
“How?”
“There’s another George Michael song. One that will work. For real this time.” He raised his eyebrows.
“I am not singing ‘Father Figure’.”
“Oh, Christ no! Blech! Creepy as fuck.” Lucius made a face and retched. “That other one.”
Ed thought for a moment. “You don’t mean---”
“Yup. That one.”
“Isn’t that a bit….too obvious?”
“No such thing where Stede’s concerned.” Lucius snorted.
“Hey!”
Lucius held up his hands. “Sorry, sorry. But, also….come on, babe, he is the most oblivious man on earth. You want this. He wants this, even if he hasn’t realized it yet. We all want this. For both of you. Please, end our suffering and just do it. It has to work.”
Ed downed his other shot and slammed the glass on the bar. “Right. Okay.” He shook his arms at his side and moved his neck side to side. “I can do this. I can do anythin’.”
“That’s the spirit, babe!” Lucius called after him as Ed marched over to the DJ to put in his final song request for the night.
***
Lucius returned to their table and plopped down next to Stede. “Okay, Stede. Ed is going to do another song.”
“Is he really? Wow!”
“Focus, Stede. I mean, I really need you to listen to this next one.”
“Of course I’ll listen. Ed has a lovely voice.”
“He really doesn’t, but it’s nice that you think so. That’s why you’re so perfect for each other.” Lucius stared directly into Stede’s eyes as he said this.
“Well friends support one another, no matter what!” Stede happily agreed.
Lucius rolled his eyes and turned to face the stage. “Just…fucking listen, Stede.”
“Alright, alright, calm down, I’ll listen.”
Ed stood at the microphone. He left it placed in the stand, just cradling it in his hands as he looked out at the crowd. He let out a big breath into the mic. “Wow, okay, didn’t think I’d be standing before you again, certainly not under these circumstances. But, uh, I’ve got one more I’d like to do. And this one goes out to my most special friend, who’s here tonight. You know who you are. This one’s for you.” Ed winked at Stede and Stede beamed at him as the backing track began to play and Ed began to sing.
There's things that you guess
And there are things that you know
There's boys that you can trust
And girls that you don't
There's little things you hide
And little things that you show
Sometimes you think you're gonna get it
But you don't and that's just the way it goes
I swear I won't tease you
Won't tell you no lies
I don't need no bible
Just look in my eyes
I've waited so long baby
Now that we're friends
Every man's got his patience
And here's where my ends
I want your sex
I want you
I want your sex
I want your sex
Unlike his last performance, Ed stood rooted to the spot, cradling the mic in its stand as he made direct eye contact with Stede, who, much to Ed’s surprise, did not look away. Stede was just…smiling politely and tapping along to the beat of the music. Ed didn’t know if that was good or bad, but he did know that he couldn’t hide his true feelings from Stede any longer, so he continued to sing.
It's natural
It's chemical (let's do it)
It's logical
Habitual (can we do it?)
It's sensual
But most of all
Sex is something that we should do
Sex is something for me and you
Sex is natural, sex is good
Not everybody does it
But everybody should
Sex is natural, sex is fun
Sex is best when it's one on one
Lucius hadn’t been sure what to expect. Maybe some fainting. Definitely some blushing. But Stede was just casually bopping along to the song, all while maintaining eye contact with a man who was so absolutely fucking in love with him that it made Lucius sick. In a good way. But seriously, enough was enough.
“Oh my god,” Lucius hissed in Stede’s ear. “How are you not getting this?”
“Getting what?”
“Stede! Listen to that man up there!”
Stede listened.
C-, c-, c-, c-, c-, come on
What's your definition of dirty baby
What do you consider pornography
Don't you know I love it till it hurts me baby
Don't you think it's time you had sex with me
And then it hit him like a ton of bricks. Five years worth of metaphorical bricks landed right on Stede’s head. His eyes widened. He finally looked away from Ed and at Lucius, who was staring at him.
“Oh my god. Lucius! Oh my god!”
“There it is.”
“Lucius, I think I’m in love with Ed.”
“Welcome, babe, we’ve all been here awhile.”
“And I think there’s a chance he desires me as well!”
“Knew you’d get there.”
“I have to do something!”
“Ride share app’s already open on your phone,” Lucius said, holding Stede’s phone out to him.
“Wait. Why do you have my phone?”
“Bit of a pickpocket back in the day. Don’t like to talk about it, it was not cute.”
“Give me that!” Stede grabbed his phone and ordered a car as Ed finished singing.
Ed was fidgeting nervously as he approached the table. He cleared his throat. “So, um, that was a thing I just did. What did you---”
“Edward, I’ve ordered a car,” Stede said as he stood up.
“Yeah. Okay. Figured that might be the case. Just, ya know, text me when you get home.”
“I won’t be texting you, Edward,” Stede said in a firm voice.
Ed ducked his head. “Yeah, makes sense, I know that was---”
“You’ll be coming with me.”
Ed snapped his head up to meet Stede’s gaze, which was dark and heated. He gulped. “Come again?”
“All this talk of coming, you two had better go so that you can,” Lucius interjected.
“Shut up, Lucius!” Ed and Stede cried in unison.
Stede grabbed Ed’s hand and led him out of the bar and onto the sidewalk, where they waited three minutes for David J. in a Nissan Rogue to pick them up and transport them fifteen minutes away to Stede’s apartment. Stede tipped the man generously for the blind eye he turned to the happenings in the backseat.
Stede learned quite a lot that night. He learned that life could begin again. He learned that love sometimes snuck up on you when you weren’t looking. And he learned, finally, after much careful study, the location of each and every one of Edward Teach’s tattoos.