Chapter Text
Nox yanked his suitcase out from the depths of his closet and threw it open on his bed. In a whirlwind of determination, he threw anything into it that he wanted to take with him. "Shirts, pants, socks, shoes," he muttered, "hairbrush—." His eyes fell on the glass containers for the toiletries provided to him and briefly toyed with the idea of smashing them. He shook his head and directed his energy to continue packing.
Nox kept an ear out for any stray sounds. He had expected his mother to visit him and either see if something was troubling him or—much more likely—chew him out for his behavior at the silent auction or for not being a more attentive listener at dinner. He counted his blessings that his polite way of excusing himself managed to dissuade her from scolding him.
When the digital clock on his night stand hit ten o'clock, Nox slowed his steps. Mostly everything had been gathered and packed away. All he needed was one more trip around his room, bathroom, and closet to make sure he didn't leave anything behind. His gaze fell to the floor. Mrs. Delaune and Grandfather Delaune were getting ready for bed or were already tucked in, but Mr. Delaune's office was just one floor below Nox. He had no doubt that Mr. Delaune had finished his evening coffee and was ready to work for another two hours before even thinking about turning in for the night.
Nox chewed the inside of his cheek before using a light step to fetch a towel and carrying it to his door. He dropped the towel on the ground and bunched it up along the crack between his floor and his door, effectively blocking out any light from his desk lamp. He then sat at his desk, ripped a cover page from one of the marriage résumés or whatever the hell they were, grabbed a pen from a desk drawer, and began writing on the back of it.
"The Delaune Family,
"I'm sick of it. I've been living in fear all my life. Yes, you've given me toys and good food and books and lessons, but everything was for a price—my silence and total obedience. A human being can't live that way. Maybe, on some level, you do love me, but if I've learned anything when I lived away from here, I've learned that people who love each other don't treat each other this way. I still flinch when I hear loud, sudden noises, and I have to remind myself where I am when my heart is pounding in my ears. I can't handle small, dark spaces. I can't express when I want something. I can't conceptualize what it means to feel love for someone."
His grip on his pen tightened.
"But I did my research. I learned from different perspectives. I learned from books. I want to keep learning and growing, but I can't do that here. It's all too clear that you care more about the Delaune image than you do about my well-being. I know I can only be miserable in this house, weighed down by whatever 'gifts' you drown me with to keep me here, so I'm making the decision to leave. Yes, really. I was able to support myself as a Youtuber and a streamer and build savings for myself as I was living with Violet. Even as I write now, my heart lifts at the thought of being able to return to the life I had chosen for myself. I don't need you. I don't need your money. I don't need your name.
"Spitefully,
"Nox Thomas Delaune"
Once satisfied with the letter, Nox set his pen back in his desk drawer and closed it. Carefully, he moved the stacks of paper onto the floor so only his letter remained on the desk. He then pulled on a pair of socks and an older pair of sneakers before shutting off the lights in his room and using his phone flashlight to guide him and his suitcase to his bedroom door. He paused before dropping the accursed checkbook on his desk. He then tugged the towel away and slipped down to the second floor.
Nox halted at the trail of light leaking down the hall. His gaze traced it back to Mr. Delaune's study, and he bit his bottom lip. The door was cracked and every sound of papers or a pen scratching sent a jolt of adrenaline through Nox's veins. Nox's grip tightened on his suitcase as he slunk down the stairs to the first floor. His heart pounded in his ears even as he turned the corner at the bottom of the stairs. Once he managed to make it to the kitchen, he caught sight of the maid and swallowed his heart back down his throat. "…E…Edna," he whispered.
Edna flinched at the timid sound and set the dish she held in the dishwasher before looking over to the kitchen doorway. She glanced around before chancing to speak, "Mr. Nox, what are you doing out of bed?"
Nox gulped and glanced away before holding his suitcase into view. He then gave her a firm look. "Could you lock the door after me, please?" He whispered.
Edna paused and then nodded.
His heart lifted ever so slightly, and he gave her a smile and a quick word of thanks before turning to leave the kitchen.
"Mr. Nox," she called after him in the softest voice she could. When he looked back at her expectantly, she stepped closer to him to keep their voices low. "Leave out the back way, hug the hedges by the windows, and walk out through the back gate. There's not nearly as much light out the back way than at the front door. Mr. Delaune will have a harder time seeing you on his security cameras on the second screen in his study."
Nox's eyebrows drew together. "Edna…."
"You'll be okay," she assured him. "With any luck, Mr. Delaune will be positively comatose with how he keeps his nose buried in his logs and books. I'll be finished with my work once I wipe down the kitchen. If you're able to wait another ten minutes, I can meet you at the end of the street and drive you where you need to go."
Nox's jaw locked, and he gave her a shaky nod and a grateful smile. "Thank you," he whispered and took another step away.
"I-I'm sorry, by the way."
Nox paused and met her eyes with curiosity.
Edna's gaze was clouded with guilt. "I'm sorry about your clothes. They're all in a trash bag near the bottom of the trash can by now…."
"Oh…." Nox's hand gripped the doorway. "…It'll be okay, Edna. I have a few of those same garments at Violet's. Don't worry about it."
Edna gave Nox a tense smile and a nod before absently returning to loading the dishwasher.
Nox snuck out the back doors which led out to the patio and pool. As Edna instructed, Nox snuck alongside the hedges planted just beneath the first floor windows before he eased the gate open and slipped through to the service driveway. He closed the gate and halted when he saw the trash cans up against the house on their own special stone pavement.
Nox glanced between the trash cans, Edna's car, and the cameras before setting his suitcase down and heading for the trash cans. He winced as he moved one, opened it, and dumped all the trash bags out. He dug frantically through them for one that was all-around soft and had give. He released a sigh of relief when he pressed into a bag near the bottom of the pile and felt the unmistakable texture of fabric. Nox dug his nails into the bag, ripping it with much effort. He brightened up with hope to see the familiar colors. Quickly, he swiped through the shreds of fabric to pull out any garments that could possibly be salvaged. His heart gradually sunk again as he remembered how thoroughly Edna did her job.
Nox hooked a finger onto a large piece, and he sucked in a gasp when he pulled out half of the shirt Mr. Delaune had ripped. His eyes widened. Quickly, he draped the half shirt over his shoulder before digging through the scraps and finding the other half. "Yes," he whispered, victorious. Nox stared down at the scraps of fabric. …Well. …Sort of victorious.
A floodlight flashed on, soaking the entire area with blinding light.
Nox flinched and looked up to see the closest camera turn to focus on him. As if possessed by the wind, Nox leaped up, grabbed his two scraps of shirt, ran to his suitcase, hooked a hand on it, and ran down the service driveway to the street. His thoughts were filled to the brim with rushed curses as the distant sound of the garage door opening sent a chill up his spine while he ran down the street. Nox's gaze darted left and right before he found a length of tall hedges and flowery bushes. Without sparing a glance back, Nox darted into the small space between the hedges and bushes, tucking away all parts of himself and his suitcase.
His breathing was heavy and stitches tore at his sides as he caught his breath. Nox sunk deeper into his hiding spot when the brights of car headlights eased down the pavement. Nox pressed a hand to his mouth and unblinkingly watched as the car passed up and down the road. After ten minutes or so, the car disappeared for the final time back towards the house. Nox's eyes fell closed, and he continued to wait another five minutes after he heard the garage door close.
Once he felt confident enough, Nox climbed out of his hiding spot and peeked around the end hedge to see the garage door closed and Edna approaching her car. He breathed in a stabilizing breath and released it, relieved. He then walked further down the road to guarantee he was out of sight before waiting for Edna to pick him up and drive him where he needed to go.
For the second time in the past couple weeks, he climbed out of a car at a location that was meant to be his home for a time. He leaned down to pull his suitcase off the back seat and gave Edna another heartfelt thanks before closing the back door. He waited for a moment and then realized that Edna had no intention of driving off before he made it inside. His lips tugged into a small smile, and he turned before dragging his suitcase into the extended stay hotel and—a mere ten minutes later—up to his new temporary home.
His suitcase rolled against the carpet as the heavy door eased closed on its own. The hotel room's view was not of a glittering street view, but of the Walmart across the street and its wide, cracking parking lot, riddled with select squares and rectangles of fresher pavement patching it. He gripped the handle of his suitcase before releasing it and fishing out his wallet to pocket it.
He pulled out his phone to check the time and the five missed calls from "Father". Nox sneered and swiped away the notifications and voice mails. It'd only been twenty minutes since his mad dash from the Delaune Penitentiary, and already, he'd been called back. Nox rolled his eyes and checked Walmart's hours of operation before pocketing his phone and heading downstairs to cross the street.
Only the crickets and stray pair of headlights joined him on his trek across the parking lot. He paused and then walked with one foot balanced in front of the other down the row of long-dried and cracked parking spot paint. A breeze ran along his shirt and arms, and he looked up to walk into the glow of the big box store lights.
He squinted at the searingly bright light until his eyes gradually settled. He breathed a sigh and trailed up and down grocery aisles to pick up snacks, pause, put them down, fetch a shopping cart, and to pick up his snacks yet again. He leaned on the shopping cart's bar as he drifted down aisles aimlessly until he'd reached the end. The distant sound of glass shattering sent a momentary jolt of panic through him.
Suddenly, his phone vibrated away in his pocket. With a disgruntled frown, he pulled out his phone to see that "Father" was calling again. "Leave me alone," Nox hissed and rejected the call before slipping his phone back in his pocket. He then headed towards the electronics section, and the distant sound of glass shattering repeated itself exactly as it did the first time.
The cart stopped the moment he caught sight of a demo set-up. "Oh," he whispered, "they came out with the new console." He frowned in thought.
The glass shattering sound played again before leading into the rest of the new console's repeating commercial.
His flinch grew much more subdued. "I'll have to save up for it. Although…," he mumbled to himself, "I could buy one and film an unboxing video or unbox it on a stream."
His eyes widened. Oh, shit.
He needed to film a "where I've been" sort of thing. How long had he been gone? His eyebrows drew together as he counted on his fingers how many days and weeks he had gone without posting. "There was a Mercy Monday, but I didn't film a Facet Friday because I was doing a live Facet Friday at AveCon…. Was the last time I posted really that long ago?" He paled. "It's been a month?" An entire month of radio silence from a Youtuber who had posted weekly for a couple years certainly didn't bode well.
Dread churned in his stomach as he yanked his phone from his pocket and opened up Youtube to search his name. If someone or multiple people had made one of those hour-long dives into DiamondDiva's mysterious disappearance and managed to pull evidence tying him to Nox Delaune, there was no telling what sort of chewing out he'd get. Luckily and unluckily, no such video appeared. At most, there were several ship videos and animatics of DiamondDiva cozying up to Chase Hollow Like and Follow.
He darkened his phone and slipped it back in his pocket, trying to figure out if his stomach sinking was the result of being truly invisible for the first time or the result of being unable to listen to any of the past times he'd flirted with Chase. He never thought he'd be jealous of or infuriated with a past version of himself, but in the stark Walmart light, there was nowhere for him to hide from himself.
His phone buzzed to life, forcing him to swallow his heart yet again. With a grimace, he took out his phone, saw that "Father" was calling, and rejected the call again. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up," Nox growled and then breathed out a labored sigh; the feeling of anger was so familiar that he could practically feel it leeching off his energy and refusing to pay rent.
He dropped his phone in the shopping cart and buried his face in his hands. He took in a deep breath and then slowly sighed it out before resting his hands on the cart's handle. He was just tired. Everything would be better in the morning. He could buy a relatively popular book, read it, take notes in the morning, and then stream in the evening—a catch-up stream.
He picked up his phone and posted on each of his social media accounts a simple message—something akin to: "Sorry for my absence. I'll be back with a return stream tomorrow evening. Thank you for your patience." He lifted an eyebrow as his upper lip tugged into distaste at how formal the message felt. He rolled his eyes and shrugged. Whatever. It was nearing midnight. Formal voice was fine.
Within the next twenty minutes, he found himself back in his extended stay hotel room, unpacked and at the desk, carefully sewing up the torn seams from the one DiamondDiva shirt he had saved from the garbage can. The tiny needle and cheap plastic thimble that came in the modest sewing kit he had bought were frustrating, but he reminded himself that fussing with annoying tools was much better than accidentally stabbing himself with them.
He was avoiding the needle well enough until his phone brightened up with another call. He flinched as the dull needle grazed his skin, and he dropped everything to scowl at his phone. "QUIT CALLING—!" He froze when he read who was calling and when he saw Violet's photo appear on his phone screen.
Immediately, he picked up his phone from where it sat on his desk and took the call. "Vi—?"
"Nox! Why haven't—," Violet cut herself off, took a moment, and reworked her greeting. "I saw your post about doing a stream tomorrow."
He winced at having been perceived. "I…guess others saw it, too."
"No," Violet spoke, her facetious tone palpable, "just the people who follow you and your many fan groups and mutuals. How are you streaming tomorrow? I thought joy was incinerated the moment it crossed the Delaune threshold."
Buddy stifled a potential laugh. "It does. It does. But…I'm not there anymore."
"You're not? Where are you?" Violet went silent, and Buddy heard the creak of her desk chair. "You didn't knock or anything."
Buddy leaned down and scooped the shirt he'd been sewing off the floor and set it on the desk. "Ah, yeah. I…. I was mentally busy."
"And that's why you haven't called or messaged me?"
Violet's question twisted in Buddy's guts. He'd heard similar questions from his mother many times over, but Violet's felt much more like a gentle hug rather than a swat against his head. "…Sorry. I…thought a clean break would make living the life they chose for me easier."
"You mean it'd make it easier for you to punish yourself, right?"
Buddy stared blankly at the desk. "What?"
Violet sighed. "Listen. I can't think of why you'd go back to them unless you thought honoring your side of the agreement was the right thing to do or—," her tone softened, "—…you thought you deserved it."
Buddy's grip on his phone tightened, and he leaned back in the desk chair, starting to feel the tiredness that came with staying up until two in the morning. His eyebrows drew together as a coal of anger settled within him. "No one deserves that."
"You say that now, but…."
"I don't know. It didn't matter." He answered quickly, "They were planning on summoning me anyway. The only difference my actions made was saving them effort, but that's over now. I don't have to honor my word; Chase didn't take the money, so I left. I'm staying at a hotel, and I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it's going to be my decision, and…." His gaze softened. "…I'm…kind of excited."
A smile peeked through Violet's voice. "What are you going to talk about on stream, then?"
Buddy's heart lifted, and his lips quirked into a smile. "I picked up a book I thought I'd be able to rip into easily, and I think I'll just be a little kind to it when I go over it. Oh, and I was going to do a charity stream. I missed my chance to do anything with the group, but I still want to help. I seem to be striking out at charity events, so I'm going to keep doing them until I do some good at one."
Violet snickered. "You didn't enjoy the yearly silent auction, I take it?"
Buddy groaned. "I think I lived outside my body the whole time. Check Cashley's Instagram. She posted a picture of us."
"What?" Violet coughed out a laugh and went silent for a minute. "Oh, wow. That's a look. Oooh, I can just tell you're dying inside. Nice painting, though. Good call about having Miss McMansion cover your face with an emoji."
"I may hate sunflowers now. I need to replace that memory fast."
Violet hummed in thought. "Sounds like you'll have to make a new fashion line centered around your time in the wilderness."
Buddy's gaze drifted down to the shirt he was sewing back together. "…Maybe. Anyway, I expect I'll just explain really quick where I've been, explain how I'm doing my charity stream, talk about the book, and do a Q&A if I have the energy."
"Sounds good." Violet's reply was distant as she tapped against her keyboard. "I wanted to visit you tomorrow to drop off some of your essentials. You'll need your handheld, too, if you want to do any gaming streaming. Will you have any time to fit me in?"
"Yeah." Buddy relaxed into a smile. "We can shoot for the afternoon."
"I'll see you then." Her attention returned to the call. "And Nox? I'm glad to hear you're out of there."
"Thanks, Vi, and thanks for calling, too. I'll see you."
Violet had managed to wait until she made it up to Buddy's room to pull him into a firm hug. She released a withering sigh. "I told you," she spoke without bite, "I told you it was stupid, and it'd be terrible, but I'm so glad…. I'm so glad you're out. No more deals, right? You didn't sell your soul again?"
Buddy shook his head and gave her a sheepish smile as he more or less melted into the hug. "No. I left when mostly everyone was asleep and left them a goodbye note."
"Good. I missed you. I was worried out of my mind when I hadn't heard from yo—." Violet paused and pulled back to meet Buddy's eyes. "You told them that you were going to live on your own, right?"
Buddy paused and recalled the letter he had left on his desk beneath that accursed checkbook. "I told them I was fed up, so I'm leaving to live on my own. They shouldn't confront you or anything like that; I didn't say anything about staying with you."
Violet smiled sympathetically. "Don't worry about me. I can handle whatever complaining they want to level at me. Well, now that we know they shouldn't bother you…, I have some things for you." She walked over to the bed and dropped Buddy's AveCon satchel down on the sheets. "I brought you your essentials: your more colorful palettes, some clothes, and a guest."
"A guest?"
Violet nodded and lifted a fluffy stuffed owl out of the satchel. "He missed you, too."
Buddy's eyes widened. "…Archimedes?"
"Mhm." Violet held the stuffed owl towards Buddy.
Hesitantly, Buddy reached out, accepted Archimedes, and cradled him in his arms. He glanced away as he noted how the soft texture hadn't changed and how comforting the plush's squish was. "Um. Thank you for bringing me my things. I can get a luggage cart."
"Oh, I figured you'd come right back once the heat dies down, so your library and furniture can stay in your room. I just brought this one bag."
"About that." Buddy struggled over his words for a moment. "I…I'm very thankful for all the care you've given me and the roof over my head that you've provided for me, but I think it'd be best for me to…."
Violet lifted an eyebrow. "Spread your wings a bit?"
"…Yeah." He nodded. "I think living with you has been amazing for me, but if I keep doing it, I'm afraid I'll get too used to depending on you instead of standing on my own."
"I understand. We can still keep your library and furniture at my place until you find a place of your own."
Buddy brightened up. "Thank you." He hadn't expected to be contradicted, but it was such a relief to not have to fight to defend his decision. "Oh, could you bring my streaming stuff? I think streaming on my phone is going to be sort of unbearable."
Violet stared, hesitant. "I…gave it to Chase. Remember? Remember when you told me to give it to Chase?"
Buddy's eyes fell closed in defeat before he met Violet's gaze again. "…Yes. Thank you. I did say that." He heaved a sigh. "Okay. I'll just have to save up and buy replacements a little at a time."
"You should get back in contact with him. I'm sure he'd like to spend time with you again."
Buddy drew idle shapes in Archimedes's fur. "…I don't know. He made it pretty clear that he didn't want to talk to me again."
"It's been a little bit," Violet urged. "Maybe he's feeling differently now."
Buddy shook his head. "I don't want to hold out hope for it. Thanks."
Violet met Buddy's gaze with a serious stare. "I know it's going to feel weird not living in a cage, and you're going to want to put yourself back in one to feel comfortable again, but if any one of your friends starts talking to you again, I don't want to see you wielding bars into a brand new cage of self pity. Okay?"
Buddy's eyes widened at Violet's intensity, and he gave her a hesitant nod.
Her gaze softened. "Okay." She glanced past Buddy at the desk and at the notes he'd been taking while he read. "I'd better let you go then." Violet gave Buddy another hug. "Take care. Call me if you need anything."
Buddy returned Violet's hug and savored it before seeing her off.