Chapter Text
Buddy's movements were slow and smooth as he rubbed water against his face while leaning over the sink. The pads of his fingers rubbed in small circles down the edge of his jaws and up near his hairline, checking for any more soap texture. When he felt none, he turned off the sink, scooped up the towel placed carefully along the counter to catch excess water, and pressed the fluffy towel against his face. He took in a slow breath and groaned into the towel. The towel patted against his chin, cheeks, and forehead before he met his eyes in the mirror. His eyebrows drew together as he inspected himself. For the first time in a while, the piercing desperation reminiscent of a person actively drowning was nowhere to be seen. Buddy's gaze softened, and a corner of his lips tucked into a small smile.
He hung the towel from the bar on the glass shower door, and grabbed a couple small Band-Aids from a first aid kit he'd found buried in the bottom of his AveCon satchel. "No concealer…, no foundation…," he mumbled. Putting on his DiamondDiva face for his stream was going to be difficult. He bit his bottom lip in thought. "I could just…use poor lighting." Which wouldn't be at all difficult; hotel room lighting was set up to light up a room, not direct all artificial sun to sparkle off the highlighter dusted on his cheekbones. Buddy brushed a thumb over one of his developing pimples. "Mm." There were only two that'd be visible. He could use Band-Aids to cover them.
Buddy gently placed the smallest circle Band-Aids over the two pimples, used a small dollar-store makeup sponge to disperse eye shadow primer beneath his eyelids nearly up to his waterline, and used one of his travel eye shadow brushes to pat the eye shadow color closest to his skin tone all along the eye shadow primer. Once done, he picked up his travel eyeliner, allowed muscle memory to take control, and drew two wings along his upper eyelids. Buddy capped his eyeliner pen and met his gaze in the mirror again.
His lips twisted into discomfort.
The eye shadow fix to cover the dark circles beneath his eyes seemed to be working, but part of him was sure it wouldn't hold as well as his usual face. Buddy shook his head. It'd be fine. He'd be using his phone camera in poor hotel room lighting. All he really needed to do was take away the blue color of his sleep-deprived habits.
Buddy set down his eyeliner pen, threw on a natural pink gloss to disguise any unsightly paleness, and walked out of the bathroom. He paused at the full length, narrow mirror that hung on the wall to see himself wearing his pajama pants and the shirt he had sewn up. He pinched the collar and inspected the beginning of the seam. It wasn't perfect, but at least it held together in the wash he'd put it through earlier that day. He attempted to brush a forever-wrinkle out of his shirt (thanks to the warped handmade seam), and then, he sat down on the floor in the four feet of space between the bed and the wall.
Buddy leaned forward and repositioned his largest travel size eye shadow palette so the cheap phone tripod held his phone more evenly. He winced when he realized that no matter what he'd do, his phone camera would only record him at a dutch angle. "Okay." Buddy grabbed the book he'd read as well as his notes and set them down beside him on the floor. "We can do this." With a momentarily nervous shiver, he tapped on his phone to start a stream.
DiamondDiva sat back against the slightly textured and cream-colored wallpaper and gave the camera a small smile. "Hello," he hummed. "My name is DiamondDiva, and today is…?" He stared for a moment, mentally trying to count the days. "Sunday. Maybe Monday. We'll pretend it's a Mercy Monday."
Glimpses at the chat slowly progressing lifted his heart with every new message.
"This stream is going to cover a few things." He looked down to the pad of paper beside him. "A bit of house keeping. Firstly, for the entire length of this stream, I'm working to raise money through donations for the charity I posted on my Twitter account a few hours ago. Secondly, I picked up a book from a big box store, and I'm going to be very nice to it since today is a Mercy Monday." Buddy's gaze lifted to meet his phone screen. "Any questions?"
Ellakixs: What happened??? Did you get hacked?
LyraLee: what's going on? Where have you been?
Buddy chewed his tongue in thought. "Hi, yeah. Yes. I've been absent. I'm sorry." He knocked a knuckle against the wall. "I'm not in my usual filming location, but it is what it is right now." He scanned the comments and selectively choose the easiest ones to answer. "My shirt?" He hid a wince. "Oh. No, this isn't from a new line I'm planning. It was one of my first designs, but it…." He hooked a finger on the collar and lifted it. "It got caught on something and tore. So I fixed it." Buddy pinched at another part of his shirt to examine the seam. "It's…rough, yes, but…maybe we'll just call it 'distressed' instead." Buddy released a soft laugh and continued to read the comments. "What did it get caught on? Um." He shrugged. "A nail…? A set of nails. Yeah. A set of nails tore it. So I fixed it. Anyway."
Hyawrit: dude wtf, are you okay?? did smth happen at avecon?
Buddy breathed a deep sigh. "Yes. It was—…. I had a family thing that needed my attention, but it's over with now." He paused. "No, no one was sick. I just had to take care of some things, but I'm now freed up to stream and gradually start making videos again. Thank you all for your patience. It's going to be a little bare bones makeup-wise for a while."
here.there.everywhere.bear: What happened to your makeup?
"Uhh," Buddy scrounged together an explanation, "it was…discarded. Too old. I need to buy some more."
Scryvee: What happened to you and CHLaF?
woxology: Did you and Chase fall out?
Buddy schooled his expression into one of relaxation. "Falling out? No, I just stepped away from everything these past few weeks. Nothing interesting happened. I wasn't abducted by aliens. I didn't have a substance abuse problem. I'm in the process of moving, so if I look haggard, that's why."
DanDeLion: What happened to your piercings?
"Ah. Yeah." He brushed a thumb over his upper lip. "Yeah…. I took my piercings out before I went to take care of family things. I hope to put them back soon, but…we'll see."
Ellakixs: Did your family make you take out your piercings? Who do we need to fight? ):< /j
Hyawrit: did you get kicked out of your home? Do you need help?
Buddy's lips twitched into a sincere smile. "No, I'm fine now. Thanks."
LyraLee: Are you going to post the AveCon Facet Friday panel?
Hyawrit: are you going on break for a while?
"Oh, I didn't—," Buddy winced, "—I didn't record it. I'm so sorry. I'll—…." His gaze drifted. 'I'll record the next one,' was the reply he'd knee-jerked to.
Halls-have-Walls: diamonddiva? you okay?
KrisChronicles: earth to dd!
Buddy stared up at the ceiling and blinked a few times. Hold face, hold face, hold face. He gave the camera a brief smile. "I want to get back into the swing of things. I'm sorry I didn't record this year's AveCon panel, LyraLee. I'll record the next panel I do and post it." He tapped against his phone screen. "Hey, thank you, everyone, for the donations so far. I think…I've answered everything I can for the catch-up section of this stream." Buddy swiped through the chat. "Let's get into the Mercy Monday."
Simon's fingers flicked across his keyboard as he took down another monster for some easy leveling. He picked up his coffee cup and sipped from it as he checked his chat.
CramoCoss: Yoooooo Symun! Great news! Your love rival's back, and his new rig is jank.
LookieLex: omg what love rival?
CramoCoss: DiamondDiva
CramoCoss: RIP stargoth. SymunxCHLaF 5ever
leidown&perish: hey when are stargoth going to get gfs
grey_sawnny_skies: omfg. you cant just ask gay dudes when they're gonna get gfs.
leidown&perish: WAIT THEY'RE GAY???
Imphite: Dude, if CHLaF and Symun haven't gotten together by now, they're not gonna. Stop trying to force your ship on real people.
CramoCoss: Chill out, it's not that srs.
parchminco: omg did dd get his new setup from a dumpster outside a best buy?
parchminco: looks like he's streaming from an old iPhone in purgatory
LookieLex: LOL is he serious? was he just pretending to be a big shot in his prev streams or does he just stream from 2007 now?
Simon leaned forward in his chair, and his eyebrows drew together as he placed his coffee back on his desk. "Hey, guys, let's take a collective chill pill, m'kay?" He opened a new window and pulled up DiamondDiva's stream on mute. "Don't send any hate. If you're not in his stream as a fan, then be mature and go do something else." He scrolled through the chat and frowned, confusion setting in at how truly low quality the stream was.
Simon's attention snapped back to his own stream. "Alright, guys. I'm wrapping it up for tonight. Symunsez, 'don't be an asshole, and if you think about sending hate, get a life.' I'll be streaming in the same time same place tomorrow." He gave the camera a wave before ending his stream and then dragging the DiamondDiva streaming window onto his main screen.
DiamondDiva looked more run down than Simon could've imagined. The cool confidence and prickly annoyance emanating from the DiamondDiva Simon had met in the mall food court was nowhere to be seen. This one's disheveled hair fell into his face, his shirt had been ripped down the center and sewn back up again in a rush job, and the strategically placed band-aids on his face consistently drew Simon's attention back to them.
"Right," Simon mumbled. "Best Buy bargain bin quality. But…."
The cold veneer typically seen in DiamondDiva's eyes was gone, replaced with a clumsy sincerity.
Simon glanced at the chat and caught sight of a donation. After a moment's thought, he scrolled back up through the chat to see messages of concern, assurances, and enthusiasm. There were quite a few fans who seemed to think that DiamondDiva had just clawed his way out of Alcatraz, but others were simply looking forward to future plans.
"What's your game now?" Simon muttered. Although his immediate assumption was that DiamondDiva was just fabricating a rough time to gain sympathy, some part of Simon didn't want to believe it. It certainly would be convenient for DiamondDiva if the fans carried their worries about him over to Chase's streams and comments. Then Chase would drop everything and scurry over to DiamondDiva's stream to welcome him back into the group with open arms and shower him with attention and sympathy.
Simon's frown grew disgruntled.
If that was what he was planning, DiamondDiva didn't have to vacate the internet for close to a month. He was calculating, but being gone for so long still wouldn't make sense for someone so money-driven.
Simon sighed.
On the off chance that DiamondDiva was being serious and was away from the internet for totally legitimate reasons, it'd be really nice if he had no ulterior motives. Simon could be guarded, but until he had a reason or proof that DiamondDiva was actually scheming, he'd pretend that DiamondDiva really had just taken a month off to deal with personal things.
Simon typed out a brief "hi, been a while" message and sent it to DiamondDiva's chat.
The chat exploded with a mix of greetings.
DiamondDiva glanced up from the book he was combing through to see the various "OMG SYMUN"-type messages. His eyes widened. "Simon?" He whispered before speaking up, "Is SymunSez here?"
Simon typed his reply, "Yah."
Buddy gave his phone a small but tight smile. "Hi. I haven't spoken with you for a time. Sorry." He leaned forward to have an easier time reading the chat. "It's a phone-only stream for me, sorry."
"S'okay," Simon replied.
"I—," Buddy cleared his throat, "—I hope things have been alright. I hope everyone's doing well."
"Yah," he replied. "You doing charity?"
Buddy scanned the chat before honing in on Simon's most recent comment. "Yes. I've been researching charity events recently—the most recent one I attended had been heinous—and the one I tweeted some hours earlier—the one I'm collecting for—seems like it's doing some real help for people who really need it."
"It's the same charity from the live stream we all did."
Buddy winced ever so slightly before his expression relaxed. "Yes. I had meant to join it that day, but I had a family emergency, so I couldn't join. That's why I was gone for a month and why I didn't get a chance to help contribute to the stream. I want to make up for it now."
Well. On the surface, that was an admirable thought, but it didn't prove much either way. Simon tapped a finger against his desk in thought before typing out another message: "Are you collecting for it because it's one of Chase's favorites?"
Buddy's jaw clenched. "…I know about it because Chase told me about it. I had missed out on the stream. While I was gone, I was drag—I went to a silent auction that raised money for an extremely questionable charity. Reading their…mission statements in the middle of a display of ostentatious wealth was a…wild experience. Anyway, I didn't want to contribute to another charity like that, and I know Chase has been supporting this one for a while, so I thought it'd be a good place to start. I looked into it to read their mission statement, their goals, their efforts, and so on, and I deemed it to be a good charity to collect for."
A few comments flew by asking about the silent auction. DiamondDiva gave short, vague, noncommittal answers in reply as he kept a laser focus on searching for a reply from Simon.
It took a minute or two, but Simon eventually sent another comment. "It's a shame you didn't ask Chase to join you. I'm sure he would've wanted to."
In the midst of the fan comments—a range of cheers about stargoth and teasing jabs at Simon for being jealous—Simon and Buddy locked eyes, very much aware that they were surrounded by enthusiastic chatter while standing on a public, conversational battlefield. Buddy's gaze dulled, and he offered the camera a tight smile. "I didn't…." Like flicking a motorcycle helmet face shield down, a confident sheen draped itself over his expression as he fixed his posture and settled into a more polite smile. "There's always next time. It's good to hear from you. We'll have to plan a stream or something, but in the meantime, I have a book to go through with a fine-tooth comb."
Simon stared at the stream as the wheels in his head turned. He watched as DiamondDiva's attention switched between the chat and the pages of his book. His thoughts drifted back to the charity stream he had done with the group close to a month ago. He remembered how Violet arrived, how she spoke with Chase, how Chase left the room for a few minutes, and how Chase flopped down on the off-stage couches to rest for five to ten minutes before he was finally ready to come back on camera. Even talking with Chase about it after the stream didn't yield information—nothing outside of an absolutely crestfallen gaze before a bright smile kicked it under the rug. Something had obviously happened, and neither Chase nor DiamondDiva were willing to make it public.
Simon shook his head.
Not that any of it had to be public. It was better that it was private—better for everyone involved. Regardless, DiamondDiva seemed to be either ignoring or gently pivoting away from any mention of Chase.
here.there.everywhere.bear: I heard that smth happened between dd and chlaf.
TheRealPalEmpty: Yeah, any time someone talks about dd to chase or chase to dd, they just move on. like. they used to flirt with each other and talk nice about each other, but now?
TheRealPalEmpty: 'yup he's good, ANYWAY.'
hibiscuits: they definitely fell out. sy's poking at it to see if dd'll be miffed if sy moves in on chase lol
here.there.everywhere.bear: dd what happened b/w u and chlaf?
Simon's gaze rested on the chat as he read the comments rolling in. He leaned back in his chair and hooked his arm onto his armrests. Jumping in to defend anyone including himself would only fan the flames. Besides, it'd make for a great opportunity to learn more. Simon's attention snapped between DiamondDiva's tense expression and the chat.
Buddy breathed a soft sigh. "Okay, I'll say this one time, and then we're not bringing it up again. I know everyone's very excited whenever I and Chase interact, but right now, I want to focus on this book and this charity. I'm not talking about Chase because there's nothing interesting to talk about. We had a conversation at AveCon about family stuff—private stuff. It was serious, and we talked each other through it." He willed away a wince. "Right after that, I had a family emergency, and I couldn't be reached for weeks. If we're tense about talking about each other, then it's probably because our most recent conversation boiled down to our private lives and troubles. There's nothing juicy here to gossip about, so if you want to invent some drama between us, then the least you can do is write it out and post it on Ao3 so I can enjoy it too." Buddy stared down the chat. "Alright? If anyone else asks why we're tense about each other, please pass that on. Thank you. Back to the book."
Simon stared blankly as he chalked DiamondDiva's borderline scolding up to one of the most contained tantrums he'd ever seen. He chewed his bottom lip before sitting up straight and dragging DiamondDiva's streaming window onto his second monitor. He then opened up Discord to his and Chase's direct messages.
SymunSez 6:38 PM
hey chase
Chase Hollow 6:40 PM
hi si!
sup?
SymunSez 6:41 PM
nm. just seeing how ur doing
Chase Hollow 6:42 PM
im good
just doing some stuff. tuning guitar, tryin t figure out why my printers fked
SymunSez 6:43 PM
fun stuff
Chase Hollow 6:45 PM
yeah, it is.
specially if ur fave thing is walkin outside in a rain puddle and soakin ur socks
SymunSez 6:46 PM
lol
SymunSez 6:50 PM
hows deacon, ur mom, and ur grandpa?
Chase Hollow 6:53 PM
theyre good.
dorkin's doing a week-long prep thing for school. Mom and grandpa are lookin into figuring out how to make gluten-free pizza!
theyre growing tomatoes and everything.
SymunSez 6:55 PM
That's great.
Was there anything up a month ago? Around AveCon or the charity stream?
Chase Hollow 6:57 PM
like what
SymunSez 6:58 PM
just anything. You seemed kinda out of it around then.
Chase Hollow 7:00 PM
nbd nbd
SymunSez 7:01 PM
ok pretend dr. evil has me hanging from a rope over hungry sharks.
but no pressure
hows your love life going
no pressure
Chase Hollow 7:06 PM
[ThisIsFine.gif]
SymunSez 7:07 PM
mkay
how do you want it to be going?
Chase Hollow 7:10 PM
[BlackCatOrangeCatHeartCuddle.gif]
SymunSez 7:11 PM
ok
whos who
Chase Hollow 7:13 PM
[MoonCatWink.gif]
[OrangeCatWalksIntoDoor.gif]
[SwimmingPoolGirlMeme.png]
SymunSez 7:14 PM
omg
Chase Hollow 7:14 PM
[CryingInfiniteTears.gif]
[BlackCatForeheadSmooch.gif]
SymunSez 7:15 PM
chase pls
Chase Hollow 7:15 PM
[TotoroGirlFaceDownInRain.gif]
SymunSez 7:15 PM
chase i s2g
just check dd's channel
Chase Hollow 7:17 PM
idk
SymunSez 7:19 PM
this u?
[NoTakeOnlyThrowDogComic.png]
Chase Hollow 7:20 PM
shut ur up
SymunSez 7:21 PM
i think u'll wanna see whats up.
u should go to his channel
Chase Hollow 7:23 PM
fine
Buddy closed the book he had been leafing through for two hours. He flashed the stream a smile. "And so ends this tale which struggles to control its pacing, struggles to give insight to its characters, and struggles to set any sort of scenery whatsoever." He set the book down beside him on the floor. "But there were some jokes, and the overall message was decent. You don't usually see that with big box store paperbacks." He paused. "Or maybe I just need to read more of them to really determine that."
Buddy gently reached towards his phone to check on the donations. His eyes widened, and his lips pulled into a soft smile. "Hey, thanks, everyone! We've raised some money for cancer research." He checked the amount and noted that it wasn't nearly enough to match what Mr. Delaune had paid for the sunflower painting. He could probably pick up another book from across the street, read it, and take notes on it pretty quickly…. "I'll hold another charity stream again at the same time tomorrow with a different book. Sound good?"
Comments in the chat flew by, excitedly agreeing with Buddy's plan.
Buddy nodded as his heart warmed from the positive attention. "Alright. Again, I'm going to be streaming from this location and this phone for a while, so I'm sorry for that. Can't be helped. Look out for my weekly schedule coming back maybe…next week. If not next week, then the week after. Thank you all for bearing with me. I hope everyone has a good night. Goodbye." He waved before hovering a finger over his phone, seeing a new subscriber popup, and tapping against his screen, ceasing the stream. His eyes widened. Buddy snatched up his phone—crappy tripod and all—and tapped through to his list of subscribers to see a name he never dared to expect.
Chase Hollow Like and Follow.
Days later, Buddy bid his audience goodbye for the third time and turned off his stream. He tossed that day's novel onto the bed and leaned against the wall behind him. Despite his best efforts to stay steady, the fact that Chase hadn't actually said anything in his past three streams rattled Buddy's cool—or what little of it he had left.
Buddy breathed in for a sigh before his phone chirped with a notification. He sucked in the remainder of air, promptly choked on it, and heartily coughed twice. After managing to catch his breath and fight off a wave of hot embarrassment, Buddy grabbed his phone, removed the crappy tripod, and tapped through to his notifications. A jolt shot through him upon seeing Chase's name in a Discord notification.
His phone fell into his lap. His eyes fell shut.
Calm down. Calm down. Buddy slowed his breathing until his heart managed to settle back in his chest. He then scooped up his phone and tapped through to his Discord direct messages with Chase.
Chase Hollow 8:03 PM
hey
"'Hey'?" Buddy whispered. "What's that supposed to mean?" He quickly shook his head. "No, no. Don't ruin this." His thumbs twitched above the phone screen, hesitant to tap down against the glass. "I won't ruin this," he scoffed. "Don't ruin this—I know," he hissed before dropping his phone in his lap to gather himself. "This is Chase. The same Chase who cosplayed with you. The same Chase who modeled your merch for you. The same Chase who…welcomed me out…on stage." His breathing slowed. "The same Chase who held my hand…and told me that…it was okay to not sing if I didn't want to."
Buddy's hand twitched as he picked up his phone. He held it, his steadiness gradually solidifying. He read Chase's word aloud before hesitantly typing up his reply, deleting it, typing it, deleting it, and typing it again.
DiamondDiva 8:06 PM
Hi, Chase.
Chase Hollow 8:07 PM
i haven't seen u around
Buddy's eyebrows drew together as he mentally pulled his cold shield into place. He pre-emptively threw his heart in a chest and locked it up tight before clinically typing up his reply.
DiamondDiva 8:09 PM
I thought you wanted it that way?
Chase Hollow 8:11 PM
…u were gone so long bc of me?
Buddy's heart crashed through the roof of his emotional chest and out his throat.
DiamondDiva 8:11 PM
NO.
NONONONO.
idk what you hweard fbut i didnt' leave the internet bc of you
DiamondDiva 8:13 PM
Sorry.
I didn't leave the internet because of what you said. I don't know who told you what, but…I….
DiamondDiva 8:15 PM
I had a responsibility I had to fulfill, so I went and fulfilled it for about a week and then burned some bridges.
Please don't think that I left the internet to spite you. I just wasn't allowed access to my socials.
Chase Hollow 8:17 PM
allowed? but like. you're an adult.
A laugh flew out of Buddy before he could stifle it.
DiamondDiva 8:17 PM
And yet….
Don't worry about it. As I said, I burned those bridges, so everything's fine now. I'm back on the internet.
Chase Hollow 8:18 PM
mkay that's cool
DiamondDiva 8:18 PM
It is…?
Chase Hollow 8:19 PM
anyway i caught the last couple streams of yours, and your setup looks kinda…different.
Violet gave me ur stuff, so…I can bring it to you. Where do u wanna meet up?
Buddy tensed, and his gaze traveled around the hotel room. It was a nice room, no doubt, but worry sat heavily on his back at what Chase would possibly think of him for living in an extended stay hotel instead of with Violet. He shook his head. Whatever. Chase was willing to talk to him again; that's all that mattered.
DiamondDiva 8:22 PM
Yes.
Yeah, thank you. I’d appreciate that.
I'm free tomorrow around noon. Can you meet me where I'm staying? I'll get you the link.
He googled the extended stay hotel location and copied and pasted the address into his direct messages with Chase.
Chase Hollow 8:24 PM
yeah sure
see u then
Buddy's thumb twitched between the keyboard and Chase's last message before deciding to react with a thumbs up to Chase's message. He dropped his phone in his lap and flopped back against the wall before slipping down to lie on the floor.
Buddy stood on the sidewalk outside his hotel, checking his Discord every thirty seconds. Chase hadn't said anything more than "heading out now" around twenty minutes ago. Buddy slid his phone in his pocket and did his best to keep the kernels of concern within him from popping into full-blown worry. He sighed and looked out at the cars passing on the road between the hotel and Walmart.
The sun painted almost every surface, reflecting off cars in bright sparks, bleaching the pavement, and coiling heat on the distant horizon. The shade shielded every bit of Buddy as he waited. In the back of his mind, he was thankful for the few degrees of temperature difference. Cars pulled into the hotel parking lot and left it.
"Buddy!"
Buddy tensed considerably, startled, and looked to his right to see the sun pouring over Chase and reflecting off the wisps of his gold hair. His muscles slackened, and his gaze softened. Instinctively, Buddy's lips eased into a smile. "Chase," he replied in greeting. "It's so good to see you."
Chase stopped just before the shade began, and his grin faltered ever so slightly. "Yeah? Cool." He looked up to the hotel. "Sooo…, you were staying in a hotel for like…uh…, family reunion kinda thing? Ritzy," he chuckled.
Buddy's smile fell entirely.
Chase's gaze drifted down to see Buddy's blank stare boring into him. He tensed and glanced away. "Uh. So. There's just like two boxes. We could just. I'll grab a luggage cart." He walked past Buddy towards the hotel entrance.
Buddy turned and grasped Chase's hand. "Wait."
Chase froze solid and met Buddy's eyes as his cheeks warmed.
Buddy squeezed Chase's hand before releasing it and passed Chase. "I can get it. You should go back to your car and open the trunk." He headed to the hotel's entrance, feeling the memory of clutching Chase's hand on his fingertips. Once he'd fetched the luggage cart, he wheeled it out to the parking lot and found Chase waving at him from beside his car's open trunk. "I can load the boxes on the cart and take them up myself. Thank you for going out of your way."
"Oh, no prob." Before Buddy had the chance to reach for the trunk, Chase blocked him and scooped up a box. "They're kind of heavy, so I can load 'em for you." He then placed the first box on the cart with little trouble. "And then I can help you unload 'em too." He then moved the second box over before standing up straight and meeting Buddy's eyes. "If that's cool with you?"
Buddy mentally scrambled for words as he carefully inched across the tightrope in his mind. "…Y…yes. That's fine. Thank you."
Chase flashed him a grin. "Awesome." He slammed his trunk closed and positioned himself behind the cart.
"I can get it." Buddy quickly grabbed the opposite end of the cart and began pulling it along.
"Oh, m'kay." Chase tucked his hands in his jacket pockets and followed Buddy into the hotel and up to his room. When Buddy opened his door and pulled the cart in, Chase eased around the cart in the stout hallway and glanced into the bathroom and at the rest of the room. The bedsheets were crumpled and flung partway off the bed. The trash can overflowed with various plastic wrapping and aluminum bags from the vending machine down the hall. A stack of books sat on the desk with a spiral-bound notebook lying open beside it. Clothing settled in piles on the floor—whether they were clean or dirty, Chase couldn't tell.
Buddy glanced between Chase and the boxes. "…Um."
Chase met Buddy's eyes with a blank expression before he realized Buddy meant to ask him to step away from the cart. "Oh, sorry." He then unloaded the first box and set it on the floor before moving the second box the same way.
"You didn't have to—"
"What a cool lil guy!" Chase caught sight of the stuffed owl on the bed and walked right over to it. He scooped the owl up with a grin. "Aww, he's so cute! What's his name?" When Buddy didn't answer, Chase met Buddy's gaze. After a moment's thought, his smile fell into concern. "Oh, crap. Wait. Is he special?" He gently set the owl back down where he found him. "Sorry." He leaned the owl back into the position it had been in before it was disturbed. "There we go. All better."
Buddy walked over to stand beside Chase and scooped up the owl. "Archimedes," he murmured. "His name is Archimedes. He is special, but you can hold him." He set Archimedes down on the bed. "If you want to."
Chase gave Buddy a smile. "Thanks." He glanced at the disheveled suitcase in the corner and the mostly-closed curtains. "You wanna go back outside? Get some fresh air? I saw a cool bench and green area in the parking lot."
Buddy paused. "Well…, I need to bring the cart down anyway."
"Yeah," Chase hummed, headed for the door, and then opened it before easing the cart out of the room.
Buddy followed along and helped guide the cart back to the others before they headed over to the patch of grass and wooden bench on the parking lot perimeter. He glanced at a sign by the space to read the rules about smoking as Chase took a seat. "Mm. This must be where they allow it…," he mumbled to himself and then looked to Chase to see him watching him expectantly. Buddy attempted to pack away his worries and pictured himself placing his fragile trust in Chase's hands before hesitantly sitting beside him. Buddy focused his gaze on the pavement in front of him.
Chase breathed in the air flavored with freshly cut grass and a touch of gas fumes before sighing it out. "Weather's nice," he finally said.
"…Mhm." Buddy positioned his elbows on his knees and fidgeted with his nails. "…Chase?"
"Yeah?"
Buddy reluctantly acknowledged the elephant in the room. "I thought," he spoke in a small voice, "that you never wanted to see me again. Is that…." He winced when he swiped a nail against his thumb. "Is that still true?"
Chase leaned against the bench's back with a sigh. "Nah."
Buddy's eyes widened. "'Nah'?"
"I mean…." Chase shrugged. "That was a crazy thorn maze we were in back there. I dunno if we knew which way was up or down, so even though seeing you then really hurt, it feels different now. Maybe 'cause we had space. I dunno. I just—"
"I missed you."
Chase's voice fled, and he stared at the back of Buddy's head. "What?"
Buddy dug his nails against his fingers as he continued to cling to his trust in Chase. "I missed your birthday. I'm sorry. Happy belated birthday. I…. I would've liked to be there."
Chase's eyebrows drew together, and guilt coated his voice, "I'm sorry. I would've invited you, but things were kinda…."
"Oh—" Buddy sat up and met Chase's gaze. "No, no. Even if I hadn't—…. I wouldn't have been able to go anyway."
Chase glanced at the hotel. "Ohh, the family stuff." He watched as the spirit in Buddy's eyes dampened. "…Geez, did it suck that bad?" Chase thought back to the disheveled hotel room, Buddy's general stiffness, the lack of killer makeup and fashion in DiamondDiva's recent streams, and Buddy's use of 'allowed' as if he wasn't a whole adult. "You been okay?" When Buddy glanced away, Chase mulled through his thoughts and rephrased himself. "You know, if you wanna talk, I like to listen."
Buddy paused before giving Chase a tight smile. "I've been better. I'm fine. I'm." He shook his head in an attempt to shrug off potential sympathy. "I'm sorry for that, by the way. That nonsense with the check. I…." His voice grew smaller, "I wasn't thinking about…how that'd make you feel like I was trying to buy you. It was selfish of me." When Chase didn't say anything in return, Buddy hesitantly continued. "I know how it feels," he whispered. "I know how it feels being used like a tool or shown off like a jewel and having my compliance bought." Buddy leaned back against the bench and heaved a sigh. "…My parents are basically going to disown me if I continue to be DiamondDiva."
"Whoa, that sucks."
Buddy murmured, "Yeah…."
"Wanna live stream react to your parents cutting you out of their wills?"
Buddy's sudden laugh broke the tense atmosphere. He leaned forward to stifle his mirth and spoke between giggles, "It's just that easy, isn't it?"
Chase's surprised expression relaxed into a smile. "Depends on laws and stuff, probably."
"'Laws and stuff'," Buddy hummed. "I suppose that's all that really matters."
"Pfft, nah."
Buddy met Chase's gaze with curiosity.
"A ton of things matter. Like. Thanks for your apology. That matters, because I can see it as water under the bridge now. Kinda." Chase looked up at the cloudless sky. "Other stuff matters, too, like…. What're you gonna do next? If your family stuff's done, then are you gonna go back home to Violet? Are you gonna design a new merch line or something 'cause you were gone for like ten years? Or are you gonna have pizza for lunch or a snack cake from the vending machine?"
Buddy stared down at the pavement. "Right now? I'm sort of…working on being myself and…learning who I am."
"Oh, okay. Let's start at the beginning, then." Chase offered an outstretched hand. "Hi, my name's Chase Hollow. I stream video games and make music. What's your name?"
Buddy's focus passed between Chase's eyes and his outstretched hand. "…Hi, Chase. My name is…Buddy. I like talking about books, trying out makeup, and playing video games." Gently, he held Chase's hand.
Chase shook Buddy's hand. "Nice to meet you, Buddy. I can't wait to hang out with you and stream together."
"Really?"
Chase grinned. "Yes, really."
As the sunlight warmed them, relief welled up within Buddy. He released a shaky laugh and rubbed at his eyes as the crushing weight from the past month crumbled around him.