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Buck leaves Maddie’s place in the morning with a new plan in mind. He doesn’t call Tommy, instead texting him to come over so they can have a proper talk.
He doesn’t want to have this talk in public, where they could run into any one of their friends. He wants it to be private, where they don’t have to try and mask their emotions or their reactions.
He’s been thinking about the Eddie of it all. He really took stock of his feelings. He even called Eddie in the middle of the night out on Maddie’s porch so he wouldn’t wake them up with his talking.
He told Eddie everything that happened with Tommy, and throughout that conversation, all he could think about was Tommy, how he could get back together with him without having to compromise.
Eddie means a lot to him.
They’re family. Eddie is as important to him as Maddie, as Bobby, and Christopher is like the son he never had. He feels the same about Chris as he does about Jee-Yun, and the new baby coming soon.
It’s all his family, and he is not about to minimize that just because it makes Tommy uncomfortable, or makes him think there’s any competition.
Eddie told him point blank that he loves him, but not like that. They’re family, yes, but they’re not in love. Eddie even admits, in a broken voice, that he doesn’t think he can be in love with anyone until he works through his issues, the Shannon of it all.
He’s only just started to mend things with Chris.
Buck had left that conversation with an ache inside. Sure, he misses his best friend, of course he does, he got used to having Eddie around almost every single day for the past eight years, so of course it hurts to have him leave.
But the ache he’s feeling isn’t for Eddie to kiss him, hold him, or be in his bed with him.
No.
That ache belongs to Tommy.
It has never belonged to Eddie, but this whole thing makes him see his relationship with Taylor in a whole new light. Did she think he was in love with Eddie the whole time too? Is that why she’d acted that way around him?
He won’t know that for sure, but what he does know is that he can fix things with Tommy. He can hopefully convince him of how he feels.
Even if it felt a little bit like Maddie hadn’t believed it.
He brews some coffee while he waits for Tommy to show up. He’s done a lot with the place in the week since Tommy was last here. He feels like… it’s home, now.
He feels like he should be nervous, and he is, a little bit, but the biggest part of him is calm. Like a calm after a storm. He knows what he wants. He knows what Tommy needs to hear, hopefully, and he thinks they can make this work.
He also thinks they need to take things slow.
Not slow enough that they don’t have sex, though. Buck knows that if they’re dating, really dating, they won’t be able to keep their hands off of each other.
But slow in the way that Buck’s never gone before. Really take their time with letting things develop, and try harder at communication. Get to know each other beyond the shallow way they did before.
Tommy knocks on his door, the knock tentative.
Buck opens the door and lets him in without a word, just a small smile.
Tommy walks in, letting out a whistle. “You did all this fast. You did it all by yourself?”
“Pretty much.” Buck replies with a smile. “Wanted to take my time with it, let myself do what I wanted.”
“It looks great.” Tommy says, and he sounds sincere. Buck hides a bashful grin by turning around. “Sit down, I’ll get us some coffee, so we can talk.”
“Sure, sure.” Tommy clears his throat. Buck can hear him take a couple steps towards the couch.
Buck prepares their coffees, and carries the mugs into the living room. He’s pretty proud of how it all turned out, it feels more like home than the loft ever did, and he knows a part of that has something to do with Eddie and Christopher, and all his memories with them in this place.
He sits down, leaving space between them, hands Tommy his mug, who takes it with a quiet thanks.
“So.” Buck takes a sip of his coffee before putting it down on the coffee table. “I want to start by saying that despite what you think, I’m not in love with Eddie, and I’ve never felt that way about him.”
Tommy starts to open his mouth, but Buck lifts a finger. “No, just let me finish.”
Tommy closes his mouth.
“I thought about it, and I mean I really did.” Buck says, grabbing his mug of coffee so he has something to do with his hands. “And I tried to think if maybe I had felt that way, at some point, but I know I haven’t, and I don’t. I love Eddie, he’s my family, but I’m not in love with him. He’s not your competition. There’s no contest here. I want you. My friendship with Eddie doesn’t change that.”
“I think I need to apologise to you,” Tommy says, after a little while of thinking. He avoids Buck’s eyes, looking down at his coffee mug, one that he hasn’t sipped at yet. “My last relationship… it didn’t end well. He was in love with his supposedly straight best friend, and turns out… he wasn’t as straight as we both thought.”
“I’m sorry.” Buck says, taking the opportunity to reach out and hold Tommy’s wrist. “I really am, but I’m not him. I really am not in love with Eddie, and Eddie really is straight. I even talked to him about this.”
Tommy’s head swivels to look up at him. “You did?”
“I did.” Buck gives an amused smile. “We talked about everything. Him leaving, the way I reacted about it all, the way I feel about him not being here, the way he feels being away from here… but we both agreed, we’re not in love. He’s still not over Shannon, or her death, and me? I’m in love with you.”
“You are?” Tommy’s brows raise up, and he looks as shocked as he did when he’d said ‘my attention?’ and now Buck knows what he meant by that question. Buck thought it was obvious he wasn’t in love with Eddie by the way he maimed him for a speck of Tommy’s attention, but… “But you don’t even really know me, Evan.”
“I know how I feel.” Buck tells him, gently but firmly. “And I think you feel the same, you wouldn’t have looked so heartbroken otherwise. I’m sorry for saying what I said so… in the meanest way possible. You made me feel… so small, somehow.”
“I’m sorry for that, too.” Tommy moves to cover Buck’s hand with his own. “I do feel very strongly towards you.”
“I know.” Buck tells him, because he does. “I think we should take things slow.”
Tommy raises a brow, his head tilting in that bitchy way that Buck loves, making him chuckle. “Not like that, I mean slow in the way that we’ll take our time to get to know each other. Not starting over but… starting from where we left off, that night you broke up with me.”
“I still feel like a total idiot for that.” Tommy admits quietly, looking away from him. “I was… I saw how you and Eddie were, how close you are, and it just. And then you asked me to move in, told me about Abby, and it was all just too much, way too fast.”
“I get that now.” Buck lets go so he can scratch at the back of his head. “I was kind of an idiot.”
“Only kinda?” Tommy teases.
And Buck rolls his eyes. “Okay, I was a total idiot, but I think it’s safe to say we’re both idiots.”
“Agreed.” Tommy says, his voice deadpan. “So…?”
“I think you should call Eddie.” Buck says, and grabs Tommy’s hand when Tommy starts to pull back. “No, hey, I mean it. You guys were friends, and I think it would be nice for you to hear this from him, too.”
“I guess I’m not used to seeing such deep friendship like you guys,” Tommy admits, looking at him. “Without there being feelings involved.”
“I can see how it might look like that from the outside.” Buck replies, fitting their fingers together. “But that’s because, Eddie and I, we’ve been through things that most normal friendships haven’t. He’s seen me die, Tommy. And we’ve been kidnapped together, and shot at, and it’s… I lost Christopher in the tsunami.. There’s so much history.”
“I didn’t know you got held hostage?” Tommy looks at him with barely concealed shock. “And tsunami? You were there?”
“I was at the pier with Chris, yeah.” Buck clears his throat. He doesn’t want to go into detail about that, because sometimes, he still wakes up in a cold sweat remembering the way losing Chris felt. “I can tell you about it sometime, just… point is, we have history, and lots of it. And you don’t need to be threatened by it, because at the end of the day, the man I want to be with is you.”
“I want to be with you.” Tommy replies, and for the first time, Buck can tell he looks hopeful, like some weight has been liften. “I think it’ll take some time for me to… believe it, really believe it, but. I know it’s me, not you. I really shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“I think it’s better that you did.” Buck tells him, and he believes it. “It’s better because it made us both take some time, think it through. And it made me finally understand why my ex was so… weird, about Eddie.”
“I bet she was.” Tommy chuckles, running a hand down his face. “So, you want to try again?”
“I want to try again.” Buck repeats, and this time, he can’t help smiling, just a little. “We’ll take it slow, but, not the sex.”
Tommy huffs out a small laugh, a slight blush to his cheeks. “Yeah, god forbid there’s no sex.”
“Oh, you know you can’t keep your hands off of me.” Buck says with a smirk, and Tommy doesn’t deny it, instead leaning in to kiss him. Despite their banter, the kiss is tender.
The kiss is like coming up for fresh air after being underwater.
It’s going to take them a lot of work, Buck thinks, but it’s work that he’s all too willing to do. Work that he think will do them good in the long run. They need to build a new foundation, one that works for them, and he’s actually excited about it.
Tommy seems to be, too, if the smile on his face is anything to go by. Tommy drags him back into another kiss almost immediately, and Buck smiles into it, dragging him even closer.
Later, he’ll call Eddie, and he’ll tell him that this went well, and they’ll laugh about this whole thing, but for now, he just enjoys having Tommy back in his life, hopefully for good this time.