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Xue Yang looked out the window once the blinds were out of the way and an idea immediately spurred in his mind.
He had just the thing.
Things hadn’t been going great; he wasn’t stupid, he knew his friend had been suffering, lost in his own head, and as much as he’d made so much progress in being able to communicate, there were ups and downs.
And the downs hit harder than usual, as of late.
It took great effort from Xue Yang to convince Song Lan to spend time together, to drag him out of his dorm room and even just walk out of the building, see the light of day a little. He was incredibly unwilling, tired, uninterested. Xue Yang tried not to feel hurt by it, if not guilty.
But it was fine, he always took it upon himself to come up with different ways of having fun that did not require anything but for them to be there together.
A sudden temperature drop seeing a snowstorm taking place in the middle of an October night was exactly the kind of thing he meant.
Luckily, neither of them had morning lessons that day, so Xue Yang rushed to get dressed and enveloped himself in his warmest coat and gloves - yeah, he did not believe in scarves. He tied his hair looser, low, so they could cover his ears and prevent instantly freezing them off.
He marched out of his room to go bang on Song Lan’s door. Lucky bastard had the privilege of no roommates, but that also meant Xue Yang could bother him however and whenever he needed.
He rang his phone continuously, giggling as he hung up and called him back within seconds of each other, until he heard movement on the other side of the door.
It was opened to a suffering stare in front of a lit up room; clearly Song Lan had just been woken up and hadn’t yet had the time to check the pretty view outside! Well, Xue Yang was gonna change that. There was a small twitch in Song Lan’s expression as he took in what he was wearing, but Xue Yang only shoved past him with a bright grin.
« Good morning! » he whirled around as Song Lan closed the door, slowly, as though trying to comprehend what he was up to now.
With at least one day where they didn’t have to wake up early, he couldn’t let him rest? Xue Yang had always been a late sleeper, something was amiss.
And the way he was practically bouncing on his feet gave that away. « I’m taking you out today. You can’t refuse. Go get changed. And don’t look outside! »
Song Lan blinked at him, a mix of confusion and the last bits of sleepiness still clinging to his lashes. He unlocked his phone to send him a text. “How am I supposed to know what to wear?”
« Warm and comfy, it doesn’t matter. We’re gonna stay outside. Hey, don’t check the weather-! » Xue Yang snatched the phone from his hands before he could find out his surprise. « Just trust me, you know I’d never steer you wrong. »
Song Lan gave him a look, to which he could do nothing but laugh. There was an unprecedented amount of times where he had steered him wrong. Xue Yang was factually known for doing that.
One very important morning routine later, they were making their way out.
Xue Yang pulled him by his wrist as he craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the unusual brightness coming from the windows in the halls; he giggled with anticipation, pulling harder when they passed through the entrance’s automatic doors.
For a brief moment, he caught onto his hand and just- held it, held him right there in the instant Song Lan took in the sight, the snow coating the streets, the trees scattered on the sidewalk, every surface it touched.
He had mentioned in the years of their friendship that snow, as frustrating as it could be for others, never failed to bring peaceful comfort in his heart and mind, no matter the circumstance. It reminded him of his childhood, of visiting his grandparents who lived farther up in the mountains, who treated him to scalding hot tea and showed him how to keep the fireplace alive on cold, near-sleepless nights. They had always a story to tell, a lesson to teach, and showed him how to appreciate what others found bothersome on their walks through snow-covered paths.
Xue Yang had snickered at his retellings back then, imagining a rather young Song Lan, bundled up in layers upon layers of warm clothes. He’d called him a snowball, that time.
Now, there was a hint of a smile on Song Lan’s face, and Xue Yang already considered his endeavours a success. « Let’s go, » he said, relishing a bit more in their hand-holding, before pulling at him in the direction of a greener section of town.
Well, not as green with the snowstorm, but that was the point.
Xue Yang had brought along a blanket he wasn’t using anymore, and he was planning on setting it down on the snow at the public park, farther from the kids probably already yelling and playing.
Coupled with the fact that neither of them really had breakfast yet, they settled onto an early picnic that was both spontaneous and meticulously arranged with napkins and everything.
Xue Yang felt kind of silly, but it was everything to be able to see Song Lan devoid of his usual burden, of the weight behind his eyes, or the slump in his shoulders whenever he was unable to communicate what was in his mind.
A strange brain fog caught him sometimes, and it was hard not to get frustrated at himself.
Not that Xue Yang minded, he always waited.
And if nothing came, he was swift at changing topics too, thoughts so quick he barely caught most of them.
« Look, » he said, soon as he had finished his chocolate muffin and obnoxiously licked his fingers clean - Song Lan had thrown his hand sanitiser at him right after. « Let me show you something cool. »
He held up his right hand, closed it into a fist with his thumb over the remaining fingers, then the thumb moved underneath his index and middle, only for them to change and curl away from his palm with his middle finger and thumb touching. The last sign had him holding three fingers up, whilst his thumb held down his pinky.
Song Lan focused on the signs, but ultimately looked perplexed, possibly thinking he was signing a new word. He picked up his phone again. “What fingerspelling is that?”
« Ah, you caught on! See, you’re smart sometimes, » Xue Yang nodded sagely as a glare was thrown his way. « It’s American. It means snow, » he said, throwing his arms out as though to encourage him to behold their surroundings. Which had already been beheld when they had walked there.
He instructed him on how to work through each sign, the logic slightly unfamiliar compared to the Chinese fingerspelling method. They had yet to cover the pinyin version, which was closer to the American one.
But, of course, Song Lan was a fast learner, and he’d gotten the hang of it pretty quickly once he’d tried to sign the word a few times.
Xue Yang reached out and stopped him on the first sign when he tried again. « That. You know what’s fun? » he asked, and Song Lan looked back at him with raised brows. « With this method, that’s both the first letter you’d sign to spell snow, and to spell your surname! Actually, snow has three letters of your surname in pinyin, » he explained, signing them. « So you basically already know how to sign “Song” in American, » Xue Yang added the last letter to the mix, and grinned as Song Lan repeated his movements.
« As for your name, you’d start similarly to the fingerspelling we already know, by doing an easy L shape with your index and thumb, » he said, showing him, and looked for the first word that came to his mind starting with the same letter. « Like as in love. »
Song Lan had been deeply focused on growing more familiar with the new information that he hadn’t really caught on what he’d said. He raised his head once Xue Yang had gotten too quiet, and noticed a faint blush on his cheeks. Or perhaps it was simply the biting cold?
Xue Yang laughed his words off, and reached out with his hand still in an L shape, and pointed it at him. « Or like loser! Or lame! Hah! » he cackled, before retracting his hand and holding himself with pride.
A wonderful save, if it hadn’t been that Song Lan hadn’t even been listening to him.
Well, better that way, so he hadn’t heard him say something extremely cheesy and pathetic. Honestly, what part of his brain had conjured that?
They traded more signs, looked some up in different languages out of curiosity, before they both grew tired of working, and Song Lan’s focus was starting to wear out.
It was too early for him to hold long conversations while signing; part of his body was still tired and recuperating, and the episodes in which his mind refused to catch up with his words were still too many. More frustration and annoyance would rise out of that, and it would only worsen Song Lan’s already fragile mood, so Xue Yang made sure to avoid stressing him out too much.
He was mostly content with talking his ears off for hours in his stead, Song Lan hadn’t been talkative before if not for a few, specific occasions.
Their hangouts easily continued to be Xue Yang prattling and him happily listening, and judging him whenever he said something stupid.
Which happened more times than Xue Yang would like to admit. But actually, he was always proud of his stupid, little inane comments, because they never failed to rip a secret smile or laugh out of Song Lan.
He really missed his laugh, he hadn’t done that in a while …
Despite the nature of their friendship, being now quiet all the time wasn’t an easy adjustment for Song Lan. Nothing of it was easy, suddenly forgetting how to structure sentences wasn’t easy, having words locked in the back of his mind was horrible, unbearable.
Speech therapy was going to work, certainly, but that seemed like such an unattainable goal, in the midst of the new university year having started, and every single life change.
Thankfully Xue Yang was there to ease up his worries! He kept pushing to teach him swear words now and then, but Song Lan was too stubborn to pay attention to him.
Ah, now it was Xue Yang whose mind was flying away. Song Lan was showing him a video, there was a cute little dachshund with a silly hat, wagging his tail so quickly it looked like he was dancing, and lost his hat at some point.
That was it, the cold had gotten to them too much. They were losing their frozen minds.
Xue Yang already knew it was going to become an inside joke.
He took the excuse to sit close next to him and leaned his head on his shoulder, both to watch more videos together, and to seek more warmth.
No other reason.
Another slew of animal videos followed, ranging from funny to simply cute to informative, with an unhealthy amount of owls. Both he and Song Lan looked at each other in puzzlement each time one came up. Then, it also showed them a few conspiracy theories and ghost hunters, all Xue Yang’s fault for sending them to him constantly and pissing him off every single time.
It was Xue Yang’s primal form of entertainment and he was going to have to pry it off his cold, dead hands.
Especially when he sent him the most abstruse, idiotic theories, that were simply a word vomit of ignorant ideas that made no sense. And then pretended to believe they had a point.
Song Lan locked his phone abruptly after a while, looking ahead of himself with furrowed brows like he meant to say something, but what it was was unclear to him.
He looked down at his hands with the start of a frown, and Xue Yang understood that distraction plan S was a go. And S stood for Snowball.
Xue Yang reached behind sneakily, took advantage of the moment to make a snowball and threw it square at his face.
The next moments passed in both slow motion and faster than his brain could catch up with.
First Song Lan looked like an idiot, face half-snowed, too shocked to move with his jaw hanging open as Xue Yang tried to breathe through his laughter. Then, he wiped it off in two clean sweeps of his hands and sleeves, and a second after a gaze with murderous intent, Xue Yang found himself tackled on their rundown blanket, Song Lan holding him down, and a hand shoving snow inside his shirt.
He laughed harder, both at the freezing and tickling sensation, and tried to kick him off of him to no avail. Curse whatever god made him that strong.
He clutched at his shirt as though it could help him get rid of the snow, and held onto Song Lan’s shoulder with numerous giggles erupting out of him; he was lucky Xue Yang had been taken aback so much that he hadn’t focused at all on the way Song Lan had basically shoved a hand down his chest. So very lucky.
It was only when Song Lan stopped torturing him and dropped next to him, that Xue Yang noticed his face was close and he was laughing. Uncontrollably, and holding him close, like they were both little kids who just face planted in the snow.
Xue Yang stopped to take him in, because it had been so long and because he was beautiful and it was his new favourite thing.
A new wave of giggles hit him, and with his free arm he went to hold him too, reeling in the warmth and the unusual glee shared between them.
When it subsided, Xue Yang could’ve sworn that Song Lan had hugged him tighter, before releasing him with a sigh that sounded half-suffering.
Song Lan typed something on his phone and Xue Yang leaned over to check. “I hate you,” it said, which was one of the first sentences that he had taught him how to sign.
« I love it when we feel the same way about each other, » Xue Yang mocked, hugging his arm for good measure. « Thanks, send that note to me and fill it with little hearts so I can print it and hang it in my bedroom. »
Song Lan scoffed, and shrugged him off, making to stand up. Finally, he’d had enough of him!
He grinned and followed suit to retrieve their blanket and shove it in his backpack - where a second, secret muffin was waiting for him.
They took the longer route back to their dorms, walked at a leisure pace, and bathed in the brightness and silence that snow provided, like a visual, unwritten poem.
Xue Yang looked at Song Lan’s content smile. « Did you know you can give someone a personalised sign? »
Song Lan looked back, curiosity painting his eyes.
« It’s like a nickname. A sign only you use to refer to a specific person. The deaf kid who taught me in foster care had one for his favourite worker. »
Considering, Song Lan signed back at him, asking him whether he wanted one. Honestly, Xue Yang was flattered he already asked. He chuckled and waved him off. « Up to you, but I guess we should focus on learning more stuff first. »
Song Lan nodded in agreement, and Xue Yang totally did not feel warm in his chest over the offer, and the way he knew that Song Lan was still thinking about it anyway.
He was extremely particular and meticulous over that kind of thing, and Xue Yang was sure he was going to pick something fitting undoubtedly.
Or maybe, something to piss him off, depending on how their future conversation was going to go.
He stalled when they reached Song Lan’s door, asking about his next lessons and which would have been his first upcoming exams, and when he ran out of topics to grill him about, he leaned on the doorframe and looked up at him with a grin as bright as the snow outside. « Well, since I’m here, let me come over for lunch. Be a good host. »
Song Lan rolled his eyes.
They both had books to read and notes to study and organise, certainly neither of them had any time to spare to chat away the day.
But Song Lan still held the door open for Xue Yang to walk into the room.
A year later, it snowed again in October.
This time, Xue Yang didn’t wake up in his bedroom; he was comfortably nested between Song Lan’s arms, one of his hands passing through his hair in a calming pattern.
Song Lan was staring out the window, with the same candid smile as the snowflakes falling gently.
It widened when Xue Yang moved against him until he could place a long, sloppy kiss against his lips, before burrowing his head under his chin again in contentment.
It took an odyssey to get to where they were now.
And it was crazy that it did, because it was exactly where they'd always stayed.