Chapter Text
(I miss you. But I don't mind,
in a hold silver as this any mongrel can be a heroine; any stray can make history.)
—
Nika thought about Laika often. The first space dog that got sent to space and orbited the Earth.
When she learned about Laika from a popular science book and showed it to Mila, Nika remembered how upset Mila was and told her to stop talking about it.
But Nika couldn't stop thinking about Laika, she wanted to know more.
…Did Laika survive? Where was she?
She heard her mother mention that Grandpa had once worked under the Soviet Union. In which departments? Is it space-related? She didn't even know. It was a difficult period and an unpleasant past, no one dared to ask.
However Nika was curious, so she bugged her grandpa about Laika.
Do you remember it? Have you seen her? Is Laika an amazing dog?
Her old grandpa grumbled, still, he told her what people had memorized about Laika back in the 1950s.
They said she was a great dog, even though she was a stray from the extreme weather of Moscow, the main reason why they brought her into the project. She was just one of the homeless dogs that could tolerate the extreme weather, likely the space.
She was a star. If the mission is successful, she will be the first animal to enter the airless space.
On the news, they said she was a special dog. A mongrel with a little curly tail, a small dog with her bark so loud on her first interview, they changed her potential name from Kudryavka to Laika.
…She was meant to be a star, whether she liked it or not. They knew this was a one-way trip for her. No turning back.
The day before the launch, one of the scientists brought Laika home. A one-day normalcy for her. A proper life… just for the night playing with the kids, well-fed and a peaceful slumber.
In the morning, she was sent back to the facility preparing for the launch.
The crews on the project had said in a later interview, that when they settled Laika in Sputnik 2, they kissed her nose and wished her bon voyage.
---
Nika told her Mother that her 8-year-old birthday wish was to see Laika. Her mother reluctantly agreed with a concerned face, and Mila called her a weirdo again.
Mother persuaded Father to bring the family out on the weekend to visit Laika's monument, then they could walk around and relax. It will just be a fun day out in Moscow… and maybe this visit will ease Nika's obsession.
Before they got to the location, Nika had picked the three kinds of flowers with her mother's help at the floral store for Laika.
White tulip, lavender, and red anemone. Her mother said they were for forgiveness, devotion, and mourning love. Nika likes anemones the most, she likes them pretty red and she always chooses anemones when they visit Grandma. She carefully cradled the little bouquet and got into her father's car for their destination.
On the car ride, Nika felt the contents of excitement mixed with happiness, but then…there was this pulsing of fear flowing through her body with each of her progressing thoughts. She restlessly fidgeted the bouquet ribbon with her hands in slight anxious anticipation.
Will she forget about Laika, once she sees her monument and gives out the flowers? Like how she can barely remember her grandma's looks after two times of visiting her grave?
These were some silly questions. Nika knows she could ask for pictures from her parents and Grandpa if she wants to remember dear Grandma; she can still look for lovely Laika in the science books all she wants.
However, Nika knows why Mother agrees with this trip… for her to forget.
They're dead. They all become a part of the past. People should mourn and move on, to continue their lives normally.
But Nika couldn't stop her fixation on Laika. She couldn't stop thinking about how Laika's life became…and how she died.
Finally, under the heating sun, Nika stood before the monument. It was fairly tall for a child like her. The monument was a simple space rocket-shaped pedestal transformed into a palm, and in the palm center, stood Laika.
Nika ran back to Father and asked him if he could lift her so she could get a good look at Laika. Father sighed as he picked her up and the rest of the family followed them to get closer to the sculptured monument. Mother was holding Mila's hands while Grandpa followed suit.
In her Father's arms, Nika took in the details of Laika's sculpture, of how small she is compared to the rocket, how confident her posture is, head up high, and standing on all paws. She reached her hand forward to place the bouquet between Laika's four paws, carefully avoiding the burning metal with her mother's admonishment. After being satisfied with the flowers' placement, Nika requested her parents to read the words written on the base rocket for her.
She listened to her parents' calm voice in turns deacon the short inscription and looked at the Laika sculpture, imagining the mongrel alive and well. Seeing the white and dark brown colors of her patterns, with her panting open mouth and tongue that looks like a dog's equivalent smile. Her eyes shine bright with the swaying curly tail welcoming her visitors, welcoming Nika.
[LAIKA
The first living creature
to embark on an orbital
FLIGHT INTO SPACE
on Earth's second
artificial-satellite
ON NOVEMBER 3RD 1957]
[Laika was prepared
for the flight by employees
of the Research and
Testing Institute
of Aviation Medicine
of the Department of Defense.]
Nika gave a thankful hug to her Father after the reading, he smiled a little and asked if she was satisfied with his help yet. She looked around and found that on the right side, there was a memorial plaque with a poem on the building behind the monument. Nika informed Father that she wanted to see that one as well, she wanted to learn and remember it all.
They all got close to the plaque and this time Mila read the poem out loud for Nika, for her sight could reach the plaque and she was intrigued by it too.
[Simple Russian mongrel,
She had a great honor.
From the heavy life of a stray dog
To crawl triumphantly into space.]
Nika had been thinking about Laika's death and the meaning of it.
Laika's death was crucial, for people to record for the first time in history how a living being would react to the space environment in the spaceship. But that death only has meaning for people, not for Laika.
[But great Laika did not know.
After all, it is difficult for a dog to understand.
That life has become her feat
And no one can take away her fame.]
They said the scientists put some poison in her special space food. Hopefully, it will euthanize her when she is hungry in space… and she will die with the contented meal before any great physical suffering.
They said she was likely to die due to the lack of air in space. There are many assumptions about Laika from the people because the government never explains what became of her in the spaceship.
…They never specified how she died until 2002.
[She flew over the planet.
By sacrificing herself honestly.
And for the sake of science burned,
Staying forever a star.
Member of the Russia writers union V. Zapryagaev]
They reveal that Laika dies from overheating within the hours of the orbits.
---
At the gift store, Mother let Nika pick an item for her birthday.
Nika picked a Laika plush that caught her eye the moment she entered the store.
It has the sturdy round shape of a typical stuffed puppy doll, it wears a space vest to signal its special identity. Its fur is smooth to the touch, has cute black bead eyes, tiny whiskers, and folded ears. Nika adored the doll, it fit perfectly in her arms, to hug and snuggle.
Mother sighed with an expected smile at her choice of item, Father only grumbled and Grandpa was too busy studying the two sets of galaxy scenery puzzles on the nearby display shelf.
As for Mila… Nika saw her mildly fuming expression and her eyes lingering between the Laika plush in her hands and the other ones sitting on the shelf. It startled Nika but she quickly figured out why. Her older sister wants the doll too.
It's unfair for her to be the only one who gets a gift out of this trip. Nika tugged on Mother's clothes and asked if she could have two of the same dolls, so Mila could have her own Laika plush.
Mila immediately interrupted Nika's request and pulled her aside to scold her, a good distance away to prevent their family from hearing their hushed conversations.
-Are you crazy!? Have you seen the price of that doll, and you want Mama to buy two!??- she hissed in a low voice, becoming even more irritated.
-But you want it too… don't you?- Nika felt confused and angry at Mila's outburst toward her. She only wanted to help—
-Who said I want that childish doll,- Mila spat, -Don’t you ever speak for me!-
-What!?- Nika squeaked at Mila's spiteful phrases and held tight to the doll in her arms, perplexed.
-I don't need your pity or help.- she continued, -I'd ask for myself. You already picked yours and I will pick mine.-
Mila turned away to go back to Mother's side, with her usual standoff face requesting to choose an item in the shop and left Nika standing still at the spot like a frozen bunny faced with unexpected threats. She looked at her sister with uncertainty, processing what she had been told. Only idiocy and shame gradually settled in her stomach.
-What's wrong, моя зайка(my little hare)?- Once Mila pulled Father to run around in the store to pick her own gift, Mother noticed Nika and beckoned her to her side. -You don't like your gift?- She got down to Nika's level to smooth her untamed short hair and spoke softly with worry.
-What are you two talking about? Did Mila say something to you?- Mother sighed. -Are you two fighting again?-
-It's nothing, Mama.- Nika shakes her head, trying her hardest to push back the tears that threaten to fall. Still feeling dumb about what happened, Nika focused on the plush in her arms instead. -I, I'm just really happy to have Laika.-
-Aww, душенька(sweetheart).- But it's too late, Mother has already seen her reddish eyes. She hugged Nika. -I know Laika would be so happy that you remember her, she would love you as much as you do.-
Nika clutched on Mother's clothes, with the Laika plush between their hug, she nodded earnestly.
She really, really hopes so. She would love Laika all she has if she can.
-Happy birthday, Nika. Моя маленькая победа(My little victory), you will be as successful as Laika.- Mother whispers. -Remember that no matter what happens, Mama will always love you; your family will always love you.-
With Mother's heartfelt blessings and promises, Nika buried her damping face deeper into the hug. She loves her Mother, her family, and Laika so, so much. She really does.
-…You know your sister doesn't mean what she says most of the time, right?-
Nika doesn't know what to say except to shake her head. To her knowledge, Mila is always right about most of the things and true about her feelings, even though they hardly agree with each other and have distinct opinions quite often. Certainly, Nika knows that her sister means every word she says. It's a gut feeling of knowing.
-I know, I know. It's alright. I will talk to her.- Mother said, still holding her close, making Nika feel less hurting.
After calming her down, Mother looked like wants to say something more, but she changed her mind and smiled at Nika. She stood up and carefully took the doll out of Nika's hands, then held out her other spare hand for Nika to hold. -Alright, we will wait for Mila to pick her gift, then we can checkout the gifts together. Sounds good?-
Nika sniffed her nose and nodded again in agreement. Just for a while, she felt a lot better holding her Mother's warm calloused hand, knowing soon she would have Laika plush rightfully coming home with her.
.
Nika hugged Laika plush and didn’t speak on the car ride back home. She closed her eyes and pretended to fall asleep, on her right side Mila was excited about her choice of gift. She was chatting happily with Grandpa about how they would be starting their galaxy puzzle sets the moment they got home.
Nika wanted to join the joyful chat but she kept her mouth shut, fearing she would upset Mila again. One time a day is already enough to endure… is it her fault to assume the best for her sister? In the end, Mila still wants a gift like her, right?
The more Nika thought the more she felt worse for her wrong interceding efforts back in the store.
What's the difference between her and the scientist who hastily made decisions for Laika?
No… at least Mila is happy now and they both got something they wanted. Nika knew her sister, she was right to bring up Mila's foreseeable desire to earn the things that she wanted... Although she had been stung by Mila's cold manner and temper for the rest of the day.
Nika was no scientist and Mila was no Laika. And her thoughts are a mess due to the tired day.
She tried to convince herself, this was the best outcome. She is happy about her birthday outing and everyone in her family is happy.
At the very least, she had Laika.
On the way home, listening to the low mechanical car engine sound, Nika dreamed of herself in the void of darkness, with Laika holding steadily in her arms. Inside the floating coffin of space, she let the soundless stars and pricking heat take them away from the world.
---
It was an ordinary day, Mila was waiting outside of the classroom for Nika to pack up her books and assignments in her school bag so they could go home together.
When Nika joined Mila outside, Mila's friends were there too. They were talking about what online games they should play together and other stuff. Nika felt her heart drop like always, she didn’t want to get close to them.
She had failed to make a good impression since the first time Mila brought them over to their house to play. They thought Nika's costume plushies were creepy, and her behavior of collecting small animal remains was too freakishly for their liking. They bash everything she does, often cutting Nika off when she tries to talk back.
They treated her the same way afterward.
Worst that Nika found out later Mila already jeered every little thing about her to her friends beforehand and still occasionally jabbed Nika till these days.
It's fun, they inadvertently said. As Mila would argue it was not a big deal compared to the 'weird' things Nika had done. They said she was doing it on purpose for attention…
It’s nothing like that. The agonizing anger mixed with sadness that nobody seems to understand or care about what she thinks makes Nika more withdrawn. They found joy in mocking her passion, her love for crafts, and the beautiful nature of the extinguished life that they would not care for.
Nika doesn’t want to be like them or like Mila, so she tries to brush it off. Ignore the gossip and jeers. She can only focus on herself, at least she knows what she's doing, what she likes and enjoys.
Lately, she has become fascinated by the books in the school's library, Nika loves the intricate stories and novel knowledge that are not from her daily textbooks, and the drawings in these books are way more detailed with varied appeal.
She trailed behind Mila and tried to catch her hand, thankfully this time her sister was in a good mood and didn’t oppose when Nika tentatively held her hand. This vastly improved Nika's skittish emotions. With Mila leading her way, she zoned out again.
She thought about the different fairy tale books she had respectively borrowed from the library, now harbored in her school bag with the recently borrowed encyclopedia of zoology and biology.
In these books are some collections of stories of Russian fairy tales plus many more from the Slavic regions. Nika likes these old stories of the world of fantasy, different than the world she lives in.
She loves the story of Snow Maiden, how she was born from a lovely wish, experiencing mortality and human's complicated relationships, and eventually evaporating under the sun for her yearning love and self-destructive sacrifice.
Nika especially loves the tale of Marya Morevna, the warrior princess. How Prince Ivan met her after seeing the battlefield of soldiers defeated by her army and then fell in love and married her in her kingdom.
Later, Ivan makes the big mistake of releasing Koschei the Deathless and gets Marya kidnapped by the said cunning sorcerer. Ivan went to rescue his wife, he persisted in doing so but failed and sobbed two times, but still went back for her despite the warning threats, then being torn apart by Koschei and thrown out to sink into the ocean.
Luckily, with the help of the animal he had spared their life before, plus his sisters and sisters-in-law who had his blessing come to his aid, Ivan came back from life and overcame all the challenges, finally rescued the love of his life and defeated Koschei together. Living happily after with his love in their union empire.
It's interesting to Nika, how often death appears in these folklore. How these stories tell the tales of people who seem to value more of their love and sympathy once death occurs on their doorstep. Only then do the pain and regret ravenous their lives until nothing is different from the death itself. Back to the start.
An alarming scream by Mila snapped Nika back to reality, it was a similar one back when the terrified Mila saw the dry animal bones in her collection box.
She felt Mila's grip tightening on her hand, frightened. Nika realized they were on the exact road to their house, and Mila's friends were already separated from them a few blocks away on their way home.
She opened her mouth but stopped the question once she followed Mila's train of sight.
A dog's body lying on the ground within an amount of amber fall leaves, just on the main road right outside of their house. It looked like it had been hit by a car, there was blood and noisy crows around it.
-Nika, wait!!- Mila voiced in warning but Nika already retracted her hand and sprinted towards the small dog. She shooed away the crows that were preying on the body. Looking down at the tire tracks of blood fading into the distance, Nika was upset by the scenario.
The cold-blooded person who had hit the dog just drove away and didn't care.
Nika heard Mila angrily call her a few times so she returned to her sister reluctantly back to the side of the road.
-Don't you ever run off onto the road like that! You could've been hit by a random car just like that unfortunate…dog…- Mila mildly hit her on the head, sounding very upset. -…Is it alive or not? It looks dead.- She asked, eyes on the flyaway crows.
As Nika expected, her sister didn't even dare to take a second look at the dog, not in Nika's case though. -I, I’m not sure.- She didn't get a good closer look, so she turned to the dog again but Mila quickly grabbed her arm to stop her. -What—?-
-Well, I’m going inside now. I don't want to look at it anymore.- Mila made a stern face, a trademark warning of hers. She held still Nika, using another hand to fish out the key chains in her school bag, dangling the keys in front of her.
This time, a sly smug on Mila's face. -You're not old enough to have the keys, remember? Baby doll.- She let go of Nika, steered her way to their yard fences, didn't bother to look back.
Nika huffed, having no choice but to follow her sister. She kept looking back at the dog.
-We should ask Grandpa about this. The dog I mean.- before Mila could open the fences, Nika restlessly added. It’s too early for Dad to come home from work, and Mom probably would faint at the sight of the poor dog's body.
-Then what would you do? Just leave it, somebody will clean that up.- Mila groaned and frowned in annoyance, she leaned down a bit, using the key to poke at Nika's chest for emphasis,- How many times have I told you? Stop following death all the time, it's super, super weird.-she turned around to open the fence door and stepped into the front yard. Nika followed close, not so pleasingly, for fear that Mila would close the fence in her face as a mean joke like the last time they argued, locking her outside the house until Mom found out a half hour later. She's not that eager to have a hoarse throat from shouting again.
Nika stuck her tongue out, making a face behind Mila's back.
Memento mori. As their grandpa would murmur about it sometimes… Death is not weird, it will happen to everybody eventually, just like how life happens. It's never fair in Nika's eyes that people around her are far more disgusted and fear death so irrationally more than life itself. It should be treated equally important and respected as life would be. They're two sides of the same coin, made out of the same materials, and hold the same weight.
It was something that shouldn't be easily forgotten.
-What if no one will, and it gets hit by other cars? What if Papa hit it again by accident when he comes back home? We should at least move it… Bury it.- A short walk to the front porch, Nika questioned Mila impatiently again. She sounds like her mother nagging.
-Ugh. Whatever, just don't touch it with your bare hands and don't you dare come near me before you take a bath.- Mila finally opened the front door and grumbled more words under her breath before entering the doorway and declaring to Mother that they were home.
Nika immediately put down her bag and rushed to find Grandpa. He was usually in his room reading some books and old files… or holding that same small secret box brooding on the couch before falling asleep.
Sure enough, when Nika found him, he was sitting on his single couch reading. She hastily told him everything she saw on the road and was happy that he agreed to help her. She waited for him to prepare his outing keys and gears, and then they headed to the storage for tools to dig.
Figuring she could bury the dog in her little section of the garden that Mother had granted to her, Nika brought the dog back to their yard after bagging it in a plastic bag with Grandpa's help. She had made her little garden a personal graveyard. So far, she had successfully buried a handful of small animals here, usually insects, birds, lizards, and mice. She always held funerals for them and thought about the short life they had before. Some untold stories about them were made up in her head, something she could relive and understand.
As Grandpa told her another story of his childhood dog to ease her mind, they dug the hole for the road-killed dog at the picking spot. Satisfied with their handiwork, Nika carefully reopened the bag to gently move the frail dog out. Grandpa stood silently beside them.
Holding the broken body of the small dog, Nika smoothed its fur and gave it one last hug and a feather-like kiss on the nose. She thinks of Laika.
There is nobody in the space for her. Nobody grieves by her side, unable to bury her in the familiar ground. Instead, she became the stardust, staying up high forever in the galaxy, watching over Earth.
Nika sang a short little tune, a lullaby. To calm herself and the remaining dog spirit in her arms before the burial.
That night, Nika made a wish to Laika, hoping the great mongrel would guide all the lost souls of the street animals to their new homes among the shimmering stars.