Chapter Text
Julius opened his eyes to—
Where was he, exactly?
He was holding a sword. That was the first thing he realized. This was fine: he was a knight, he held swords fairly often. The ground beneath his feet felt flat and sturdy, as it often did but not always. He was grateful for that, because he certainly did not feel sturdy himself.
He had blinked, and then he had been— and then he had seen— and Subaru—!
“Are you having second thoughts all of a sudden?”
Julius started. He— Was that—?
“Subaru?!” he cried out.
Subaru. Natsuki Subaru. Natsuki Subaru, Emilia’s beloved knight, former servant of Roswaal L. Mathers, a boy from beyond the Great Waterfall—
Authority user, in possession of Return By Death.
Subaru was an Authority user. That was right. Subaru had been — cursed, by a witch who claimed to love him, and forced to die over and over again without being allowed to ever truly rest. Subaru had died— how many times had he died?!
The Bowel Hunter. His coworkers at the Mathers’ Estate. The Beast of the End. The Archbishops of Sin. The Pleiades Watchtower. Vollachia, and the utterly nightmarish horrors of that corner of the world. And so, so much more, it was all so—
How could someone stand it? How could Subaru STAND it?! Julius had so much he wanted to talk about, so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to yell, plea, cry—!
But why did Subaru look — different? Everything looked different. When he had closed his eyes that first time, he had been somewhere else, hadn’t he? It was hard to think. He had to…
Julius looked around, confused and disoriented. “Where—?”
He was holding a sword. A wooden practice sword, the type that knights used in training when they weren’t actually trying to kill anybody. It felt light and sturdy in his hands. Familiar. Was this familiar?
Julius recognized this place. He was in the parade grounds. He was in the parade grounds, and there were knights watching him and his — his opponent, from above. His opponent was Subaru. Ferris was standing nearby. Ferris was the referee.
—Julius recognized this place.
“Sorry,” Subaru’s voice called out again. “But I’m not going to back out now that we’ve started.” He smirked, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Well, maybe if you beg me for it first…”
Subaru didn’t know. Julius had — gone back in time, but Subaru hadn’t, and now they were back —
Julius felt his blood turn to ice.
If Subaru, the time-traveler Natsuki Subaru — if Subaru hadn’t gone back in time, then— nobody else had either, right? It would just be Julius, and that meant that—
Julius was holding a wooden sword. Subaru could die and come back to life. Subaru had died a total of — seven times at this point? Right? He was pretty sure it was seven. Yes, it was seven. Seven times. Disgusting. It could be so much more, though. That knowledge made Julius feel even worse. Just how much worse could it still get—?
There was a crowd of angry knights ready to kill Subaru again if Julius didn’t get to him first. The angry knights were right there, and they would kill Subaru if Julius didn’t cool their anger with a demonstration. If Julius failed, then Subaru would come right back. Would he come back after that incident in the throne room? Would he come back before he could take everything back on his own? Would Julius be able to tell? Would he get a second chance? He wouldn’t, right? How many times would he—?!
“Wai—” Ferris’ voice was somewhere far away. Julius had already lunged into action.
Julius was holding a wooden sword. Subaru was going to die if he didn’t do something about it first. Subaru might die once, or it could be twice, or ten times, or even a hundred — or MORE — before someone stepped in. Julius had to stop this now. Julius had to— had to—
How much had he held back before? He didn’t remember. He couldn’t remember. He had a wooden sword. He had to use it, and he had to use it well. He had to make it believable, or Subaru would die again. He didn’t want Subaru to die again.
Subaru’s smile faltered seconds before Julius slammed the wooden sword into his chest, sending him flying into the air.
(Later, with Anastasia’s enraged yelling ringing in his ears, Julius would learn that 1) he was NOT the only one who had gone back, and 2) he could have just taken a deep breath and put down the sword.)
*
—Ferris hated Natsuki Subaru.
Ferris hated him, hated him, hated him! That was the only solid thought that he could form, right now. His stomach was churning, his head was reeling, he wanted to get out of this room and as far away from this— this—! But he had to be here, he had to heal him, he had to make sure—
How could he do this to himself? How could SHE have done this to him? Hadn’t that witch said that she loved him? What kind of monster called this LOVE? He wanted to scream, he wanted to punch something, he wanted to kick the wall, he wanted to smash something fragile against the ground and listen to it shatter into tiny, tiny pieces, he wanted to—
He wanted to— to—
“Emilia-sama and I have come to our final decision about your arrangement,” Crusch-sama declared.
Ferris had just finished treating that stupid, stupid boy’s stupid, stupid, stupidly defective gate. He would continue to do so for two weeks. In the past timeline, Subaru had broken the damn thing beyond repair entirely and been left to rely on a contracted spirit to regularly siphon away his mana so that he didn’t die of mana poisoning. Ferris would not allow him to put himself in that position again.
“…Did she…?” Subaru asked meekly. Hopefully. The hope in that voice made Ferris want to tear his throat out. He was so angry, so, so angry—!
“As part of a deal with the Emilia Camp, you shall be staying as a guest of the Karsten Estate for the foreseeable future,” Crusch confirmed.
Subaru visibly wilted. Ferris didn’t feel any better, watching him wilt like that. How dare he looked like a kicked puppy? Didn’t he understand what he— what he—!
“…expect you to follow our rules to the letter.” —Cruschie was still speaking. Ferris had to pay attention. “Failure to obey will result in unpleasant consequences. Understood?”
Ferris glared at Subaru hard enough to make the boy quail. “U-Understood,” he said.
Crusch continued, impressing the simple but massively important rules with the severity they deserved. Anything that could possibly put the guy with the time-traveling death curse in lethal danger had to be guarded against with utmost care, after all, and Subaru — couldn’t be trusted to not wander into harm’s way if left to his own devices, especially not when the White Whale was a clear and present danger. Perhaps they could relax some of these rules down the line, if Subaru behaved himself during this time period.
Ferris hoped they never did. Ferris hoped they locked him in a padded room and threw away the key.
…Ferris remembered being locked in a dark, dirty room, all alone with nobody to—
Oh for fuck’s sake, what did he even WANT?!
“Try nyot to make too much trouble for the people around nyew,” Ferris couldn’t help but jab, once Crusch had finished relaying her orders. He saw Subaru flinch, and he felt a small stab of satisfaction — even if it quickly faded into guilt.
And then the guilt only made him even angrier. Ferris wanted to tear his own hair out!
Crusch didn’t say anything, mercifully. “Is all of this clear?” she asked.
“…Mm-hm.” Subaru looked — subdued, but he wasn’t confused, and right now that was all that mattered.
“Then I will see you again at dinner, Natsuki Subaru,” Crusch concluded, turning around. Her lip curled into a wry smile, and she at least attempted to brighten the mood by ending her orders with a slight tease: “Try not to be late your very first day.”
It didn’t work very well. The air had been far too thick for that.
Ferris was supposed to leave, too. He had tasks of his own to attend to, after all, because there was suddenly so, so much that they all had to do…! But he lingered for just a moment, pinning Subaru in place with his eyes as he tried to think of what he wanted to say.
Why? he wanted to demand. Why would she do this to you? How is this love? Why are you alright with this? How could ANYONE be alright with this? Can’t you think of yourself just a bit more, and others just a bit less? Don’t you understand that your future otherwise is a miserable hellscape? Can’t you understand how much we don’t want you to do that to yourself? I hate you, I hate you, I hate you so much—!
But he didn’t say any of that. Instead, Ferris Argyle kept his mouth shut and left the room.
It wasn’t until he was down the hall that his angry, angry, miserable teardrops finally started to roll down his cheeks and drip onto the floor between his racing feet.
*
Wilhelm knew that there was work to be done.
He was three years in the past, back at one of the most hectic periods of his life. There was the White Whale, his old enemy, back from the dead and ready to go for another round in less than a week. There was the Archbishop of Sloth, Su— that boy’s old enemy, right behind it. There was the Archbishop of Greed and the Archbishop of Gluttony right behind them both, ready to swoop in and decimate Lady Crusch and her caravans all over again if given the chance. There were plans to be drawn up, soldiers to prepare, deals to make, and there was so, so little time to do any of it.
Wilhelm knew that there was work to be done, but all he could bring himself to do at the moment was sit in his chair and hold his cup of tea, only vaguely aware of the conversation happening around him.
Three years. Three years — gone. Wilhelm knew that three years wasn’t very long, in the grand scheme of things, but…
But that wasn’t even the worst of it. Because on top of losing three full years—
Wilhelm clenched the teacup in his hands so tightly he thought he might have felt it crack.
All that time, Subaru had — how had they never noticed? He had — He had died so many times — so many, many times—!
Why couldn’t Wilhelm have been there? Why did it seem like Wilhelm had never, ever been there when it mattered most of all?
“I don’t…want to die…”
There were so many things that had happened. So many voices, so many images, so many things that Wilhelm didn’t think he would ever be able to get out of his head. But somehow — watching Subaru writhe alone, bloodied and bruised and broken to pieces, tears and snot bubbling down his face, in that field, with THAT monster, all alone with no help in sight—!
—Perhaps this was another chance.
Wilhelm hadn’t been there before, but he could be there this time. It wasn’t too late, this time around. Subaru hadn’t faced the White Whale yet. If he did things correctly, Subaru could live the rest of his natural life without crossing paths with that monster ever again. He wouldn’t have to cross paths with ANY of those future demons again, as a matter of fact. Didn’t they have three full years of warnings, now? Couldn’t that be more than enough?
And instead of a half-life, a cursed life, a life of constant death— Subaru could instead do whatever he liked. He could — pursue a higher education, pursue a trade, become a merchant, become a performer, become anything else. So long as it wasn’t him putting his life on the front lines of battle — there had already been far, FAR too much of that — Wilhelm would support Subaru in pursuing whatever future he liked. He was sure Crusch-sama would agree with him, and could help him procure whatever resources might be necessary if there were any that House Astrea lacked.
—What kinds of things would Subaru like, if he were given the choice? He liked — storybooks from his homeland, and small furry animals, and mapping out the stars. He liked to create dolls and toys for children, and put on festivals, and entertain people in whatever ways would make them smile the most. And he also liked…
Wilhelm had been very surprised at the initial revelation of Subaru’s crossdressing persona, and even more so at the growing realization that the youth truly, genuinely enjoyed presenting in such a feminine manner. But by now the old man had been able to think about it a little more clearly, and…this wasn’t too different from his Lady’s situation, was it? Crusch Karsten was famous for her ability to fulfill the role of both a woman and of a man, and although it had been a source of gossip at first, it had become a trademark of her great strength as a leader. When he thought of Subaru in that sense, it made a number of things fall into place.
And in that case…
Wilhelm thought about the kinds of activities his wife had enjoyed, that she had dragged him into time and again. Gardening was the big one, of course, but — he also remembered that she had forced him to bake with her, a number of times, and go shopping in town for new clothes, and even wrestled him into allowing her to give him makeovers. It wasn’t the sort of thing that he would enjoy on his own, not really — but he could put up with it, if that sort of thing was really what Subaru would find the most enjoyable.
To be honest, he and Subaru didn’t have all that much in common, did they? In some ways it would have been easier, if Subaru had had a genuine fascination with the sword. Even if that would have complicated Wilhelm’s personal goal of making sure Subaru stayed as far away from combat as possible, they would still be able to bond over the art form itself, would they not? —But Subaru was perfect exactly as he was. Wilhelm would never want that bright-eyed boy to change for HIS sake, not ever.
Wilhelm still needed to calm down a bit, he thought. But once he had gotten his rolling emotions under some semblance under control, maybe he could go back inside and—
“Subaru!”
Felix’ yell startled him out of his thoughts. Subaru? he wondered. Isn’t he supposed to be—
Felix was crying something out. His eyes were red. Had he been crying? Wasn’t a shock: Wilhelm would have expected Felix to react the worst to learning about something like Subaru’s Authority. He was currently storming across the grounds to where — yes, to where Subaru was marching along the path. Marching forward —
Marching towards Wilhelm.
“Subaru,” Wilhelm greeted, hoping that he looked more relaxed and welcoming than he felt. “How can I help you?”
“I want you to train me,” Subaru declared, looking every bit as determined as he had when he had demanded this same thing three years prior. “Properly.”
…Wilhelm was pretty sure this request had come a day later, in the old timeline. Perhaps the unique viciousness of Julius’ duel this time around had spurred things along? Whatever had happened to make this change — he didn’t know what to do. He’d thought he had more time to figure out an answer in advance. He didn’t know what to say.
His first instinct was to say no, loud and immediate. Subaru would not — COULD not — become a knight in this timeline. He would not allow it. The very thought of training him for lethal combat when he had a condition like this made Wilhelm’s blood run cold.
But — Subaru was not the kind of boy who would take a “no” and obediently step down and never think about it again. If Subaru believed himself serious about this, then he would try some other way. Subaru learned things himself, and he learned them the hard way. He always, ALWAYS learned things the hard way.
And if he’d already developed a taste for it…
What would Subaru do, if Wilhelm refused him this outlet? Who would he go to for “help” instead? What would he try to do instead? Could Wilhelm take a chance like that?
“My apologies, Wilhelm.”
Wilhelm started.
“I will escort Natsuki back to his room immediately,” Garrett was saying, “and ensure that he does not bother you again. —Come along, you little shit.”
It was in that moment that Wilhelm made his decision.
“It’s quite alright,” he said. Garrett faltered. He didn’t loosen his grip on Subaru’s arm, but he did stop in his efforts to drag him bodily out from the gardens. Subaru looked over at Wilhelm, eyes shining with hope. “Subaru hasn’t broken any rules,” he confirmed. “I am not on duty right now. And…if he wants to learn how to use a sword, then I will be happy to indulge that interest.”
Subaru had brightened considerably. It made Wilhelm feel guilty, knowing what he was planning to do. “Then—!”
“Wilhelm—” Garrett said, confused and exhausted.
“Let him go,” Wilhelm ordered.
Garrett exhaled slowly, but complied.
“You want to learn how to use a sword, correct?” Wilhelm clarified. This was the same situation as last time, right? “You want to learn, so that you can get stronger and serve Emilia-sama as her knight.”
Subaru nodded fervently. “Yes!”
“Understood.” Wilhelm mentally braced himself. “In that case — Garrett, you had a pair of training swords on you, did you not?”
“Wilhelm, sir—”
“Wait, right now?” Subaru looked rather taken aback. “I-If you were in the middle of something—”
“I am not on duty right now,” Wilhelm repeated. While he appreciated the consideration, this was the sort of thing he wanted to get over with as quickly as possible. “I’ll give you your first lesson now. Garrett?”
Garrett reluctantly complied, and Wilhelm was now faced with a version of Subaru who was clutching a practice sword. The sight made him want to clench his teeth.
“The first thing you need to know,” he began, keeping his voice calm. “Is how to hold your sword before the fight even begins. Have you ever handled a sword before?”
“A little bit,” Subaru answered.
No he hadn’t: not seriously. But Wilhelm didn’t bother correcting him. “In that case, get into your stance,” he ordered. Let’s get this over with.
Subaru eagerly did exactly what he was told, hopping into a very basic fighting stance. He probably thought that he looked imposing, as all boys did when they first got in a stance like that. Though, really—
One of the knights giggled. Wilhelm could see why: Subaru had very clearly only held a sword in a practice scenario, and not to nearly the same severity as someone undergoing legitimate military training. In other words, he knew just enough to hit that mark between eager and inexperienced that would resemble that nostalgic, adorable, puppy-ish, nearly-impossible-to-shrug-off enthusiasm in the eyes of experienced fighters. Wilhelm himself was having a very difficult time holding back a smile, remembering how Heinkel had—
Right. Heinkel. He…Wilhelm would have to have a proper talk with his son, this time.
—Still, Wilhelm silenced the giggling knight with a look. Don’t encourage this. “Good enough,” he told Subaru, keeping his face carefully blank. “Now — let’s begin.”
He swung.
The sight of Subaru being knocked to the ground like this made his stomach clench, even if he had been as prepared for that reality as he possibly could have been. He wanted to drop to his knees and help him up, apologizing profusely and asking if he was alright. He wanted to throw his sword to the ground and refuse to go any further. He wanted to help him back up and just take him inside. He wanted to — do anything but this—!
But Subaru couldn’t be allowed to become interested in a career as a soldier. Wilhelm — couldn’t let Subaru become a soldier. He COULDN’T.
“Ah.” Garrett winced, finally figuring out what Wilhelm had decided to do. “So that’s what’s going on…”
Subaru raised his head to look up at him, hurt and confused and covered in dirt. Wilhelm—
Wilhelm kept his stance rigid and his face blank. Let’s just get this over with…
“Again,” he ordered. And then, for good measure: “And try to actually watch me this time. You barely even reacted.”
The second attempt was much the same, ending with Subaru in the dirt and Wilhelm feeling like he had just kicked a puppy that had been coming up to him wagging its tail. The knights nearby shifted uncomfortably, enjoying this almost as little as Wilhelm himself, even if they understood what was going on. The third ended similarly, too. Wilhelm saw Garrett wince.
“Wilhelm—” Boris muttered, while Subaru was recovering. Wilhelm shook his head at him sharply, and he stepped back in line.
On the fourth attempt, however, Subaru finally managed to dodge, pivoting just right so that Wilhelm’s sword missed cleanly and utterly.
Wilhelm’s eyes widened. Subaru’s eyes widened, too, a look of pride and elation spreading across his face—
Wilhelm knocked him on his ass once more, snuffing out that ember quickly. Subaru groaned, wincing as he looked up at him again. His face looked even more pained expression than before, now that he had gotten a taste of accomplishment.
“Don’t celebrate mediocrity,” Wilhelm scolded. “If you’re serious about wielding a sword, then you should know how to dodge more than once every couple of swings.”
Subaru wilted at the criticism. Wilhelm felt an even harsher pang at the sight. It had really been quite a good dodge, especially considering who his opponent was. If Wilhelm had been serious about training Subaru — well, he wouldn’t have started out with an exercise this brutal, in that case. But if he still had in that scenario, he would have absolutely taken a second to praise him for that move.
But he just—
“Of course,” he added encouragingly, hope pushing him to propose his true intentions. “If you’re not serious, then there’s no reason for me to teach you this at all.” He shrugged casually, thinking about Subaru’s doll-making talent, or his crossdressing hobby, or his love of storybooks, or his fascination with the stars. “Instead of wasting both of our times with this nonsense, you could go and focus your time on something that’s actually—”
“Wait!”
Wilhelm paused, already dreading what Subaru was about to say as he watched him struggle to stand up again.
“I’m serious,” the boy insisted. “I AM serious. I’ll get better. I’m — I’m sorry.” He managed to clamber to his feet. “I’ll — do it right this time.”
Wilhelm had to hold himself back from pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Instead, he nodded silently, and got back into his stance.
A loud crash suddenly echoed through the gardens of the estate, followed by the loud, shrill cry of — some sort of animal? Wilhelm whirled around alongside everyone else, attention snapping to where the wall had abruptly caved in, a dust cloud rising up to make the ominous silhouette of the — intruder. Was it a guiltylowe? A rampaging bull? A very strong, very drunk old man?
Before Wilhelm could fully register what in Od’s name had just crashed through his Lady’s garden wall, he heard a scream of terror. Shrill. Loud. Pleading. The kind that someone gave when they believed themselves to be at the mercy of the jaws of death, and just wanted someone to snatch them out of it. The kind that made Wilhelm go still, every nerve in his body awakening in response to the plea.
It was very familiar scream of terror. It was a scream that resonated so deeply within him that it settled inside his very bones. It was a scream that belonged to one individual, who Wilhelm loved very much—!
“No! No! Help me! No! I don’t wanna die!”
The Sword Demon was holding a simple practice sword, but even a practice sword could be a deadly instrument. And Wilhelm could not let live anything that threatened to harm Subaru like that ever again— anything that dared to try, he would personally cleave open, from the maw to the anus—!
—He recognized the figure barreling towards him.
Black, sharp face. Dangling, rabbit-like ears. Slender build. Striking, golden eyes alight with intelligence and intensity and a blaring sense of—
Wilhelm just barely managed to drop the practice sword in time to not murder Patrasche on the spot, instead using the momentum from his aborted attack to grab the reins of the ground dragon and pull her to a halt.
His blood was rushing in his ears. His heart was still beating so hard and so fast that he dimly wondered if it would break his ribs. His stomach felt as though it had been turned over and over. That noise — had been the sort of noise he never, ever wanted to hear again, after all. But slowly, slowly, his body calmed enough that he could hear past the ringing in his head once again — and when that happened, he was greeted with the sound of laughter.
Felix was cackling so hard he was about to fall over, his previous anguish having been thoroughly, blessedly dissipated by the truly ridiculous sight of Wilhelm very nearly smashing Subaru’s pet ground dragon clear across the garden in a protective rage. Wilhelm was torn. Part of him was nothing but grateful at having been able to snap the healer out of his angry, despairing daze that had come about in response to learning the true nature of Subaru’s horrible curse. The other part wished that the young man would please stop laughing at him for nearly murdering Subaru’s beloved pet.
But Felix wasn’t the only one. Because nearby—
“The fucking GROUND DRAGON remembers?!” Boris spluttered. Garrett was wheezing nearby, nearly doubled over with an enormous grin plastered across his face. “What do you MEAN the ground dragon remembers, what IS this—?!”
“The ground dragon remembers,” Garrett choked out. “The kid’s fucking GROUND DRAGON went back in time with us—!”
Patrasche cawed loudly, straining against Wilhelm’s grip. The adrenaline still coursing through his veins made it far too easy for him to hold her back. Subaru was staring back at them from behind the pillar he had successfully managed to run to for safety, still visibly frightened. Wilhelm would have called out to tell him that it was a false alarm if he himself wasn’t still getting over his own bout of blood-curdling terror.
“Wilhelm-san!”
Wilhelm glanced over his shoulder to see one of the younger knights — a youth named Peter, if he remembered correctly — crossing the field. He glanced curiously at the very active ground dragon before shrugging and turning to the Sword Demon holding her back. “Crusch-sama wishes for your presence,” he announced. “The plans for—”
“Peter!” Wilhelm interrupted, panic flaring up again for a moment at the close call. Subaru, as reckless as he was, could absolutely not be told about the deadly monster of legends that they were currently preparing to engage in combat. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Subaru tilt his head questioningly. His own icy dread was mirrored in the sudden paling of Peter’s face as he realized what he had very nearly done.
“R-Right.” Peter coughed into his fist to cover his stammer. “The plans — are currently being laid out. Crusch-sama wishes for your input.”
“Understood,” Wilhelm sighed. As much as he desperately did not want to train Subaru for lethal combat, he wouldn’t have minded being able to spend a little more time with him. But — this was important, especially to himself. “Garrett, Boris — the ground dragon?”
Voicing his assent, Garrett took the reins from his hands — and was very nearly yanked clean off his feet for his troubles — and Wilhelm turned to Subaru, still hiding behind the pillar. “Another time, then,” he apologized.
Subaru shrank behind the pillar slightly, visibly disappointed. Wilhelm held back a shaky smile at the sight, his own heart still pounding from the earlier scare. “…Mm-hm…”
Garrett and Boris were still struggling to manage Patrasche, desperate as she was to reach her old master. Felix, his spirit mercifully lifted by the sudden comedic turn of events, was doing nothing to help them. “Oh, c’mon, boys!” he called over, a massive smile splitting his face in two. “Put nyer backs into it, won’t nya? Nyer nyot gonna let that little ground dragon get the best of nyew, are nya? Nyer nyot even trying~!”
“Wha— Who the hell are YOU to talk?!” Garrett shouted back, panting. “You try holding back this thing—!”
Patrasche cawed, offended, and smacked him with her tail almost hard enough to dislodge herself entirely.
—Wilhelm guessed that he should just be grateful that Subaru was up and about. Being active so soon was probably a very good sign. Especially after…
The old man gritted his teeth as Julius’ face flashed across his mind.
Julius had explained himself later, in that meeting with four of the five Camps of the Royal Selection. He had panicked, he admitted, because all he had known was that if he didn’t hurt Subaru convincingly enough, Subaru would be killed. And if Subaru was killed once—!
It wasn’t like Wilhelm didn’t understand the source of such anxiety, but he couldn’t look past such a bloody, thorough beating, especially not where Subaru was concerned. It had been Wilhelm who had finally pulled Julius off of him, after all — him and Emilia-sama, who had rushed down screaming from the stands.
…Wilhelm hoped that Emilia was doing alright. If anyone would have been shaken to their core by those — revelations — then it would be Emilia, who loved Subaru more than she loved anything else in the world. Her severing ties with Subaru so completely following such a traumatic event had been both expected and not. Whether that severing would last or not — Wilhelm honestly did not feel like he could predict such a thing.
Of all the people in the world who didn’t deserve to be placed in a situation like this, Subaru and Emilia would both be placed at the very top. But as he had learned long ago — as his wife had learned long ago, at the tender age of twelve — such was the cruelty of the world.
*
Subaru was not doing well, emotionally. Crusch knew this, and had expected it, too, but unfortunately lacked the means to address it properly at the moment. Because—
The White Whale. Three different Sin Archbishops, each more dangerous than the last. Five days.
What kind of a sick joke WAS this scenario?
—Cursing one’s lot in life was a waste of time. Crusch would make the most of this second chance, use it to the fullest extent. They had lost far, far too much, that first time around.
“We’re not going to be able to ground the White Whale with a single blow, remember,” Ricardo said darkly. “We’d hoped to do just that the first time around, but…”
The Whale had stayed in the air, doing nothing but growing angrier.
“Could we drop the tree on it again…?” Crusch mused.
“We used Subaru as bait last time, right?” Mimi said. Crusch flinched. That— That was a lot more painful to remember, now. “We’re not doing that again, so Mimi doesn’t think we can use that same tactic.”
“We’d have to find something else the Whale is attracted to,” Ferris muttered. “Unfortunyately, that might be…”
Difficult.
“Maybe we could capture a Witch Cultist ahead of time…?” Tivey asked.
“I — guess that’s one idea, but let’s try and brainstorm others.”
“I’d kind of like to preserve the tree, if we can…”
“Nyot a priority, pal—”
“The Iron Fang is currently recruiting more support from its partner organizations,” Ricardo said. “Since we have a bit more extra time this time around—”
“They understand the risks?” Wilhelm asked darkly.
Ricardo barked out a laugh. “Ana-bo would have my hide if I failed to do something that important!” he declared. “A merchant’s reputation is everything, after all…”
He was moving his arms around a lot. Must have felt nice, to have regained the one he had lost two years ago all of a sudden.
“Reinhard has been talking to the Sage Council about joining us on the campaign,” Ferris reported. “He can’t do anything without their permission, but…”
Crusch saw Wilhelm grimace. She winced. That — was a conversation that the two of them had never quite managed to have, wasn’t it?
“Having Reinhard on our side would be a massive aide,” she said, delicately avoiding that topic. “If he and Felt are willing, then…”
There would be more discussions like this, over the next couple of days. With the Iron Fang — but also with merchants, with knights, with anyone and everyone they could rally around their cause. As the meeting adjourned and the Iron Fang Captains dismissed themselves, Crusch felt exhaustion seeping into her bones just by thinking about all the work that needed to be done.
“—training with Subaru-kyun every mornying?” Ferris was asking Wilhelm. He sounded cross. “Nyew knyow nyer nyot gonnya have a whole lot of time, here…”
Crusch turned to him sharply. “Training?” she echoed. “I thought—”
“Subaru-kyun went and asked early, this time,” Ferris explained. He twitched slightly as he said this, still angry and hurt and raw. Crusch wanted to grip his shoulder, but he was too far away at the moment. “Old Man Will tried to discourage him by…” He rolled his shoulder. “…giving him what he thought he wanted.”
—Ah. That made more sense, yes.
“I had implemented that rule for your benefit, Wilhelm-san,” she pointed out wryly. “You could have made me into the villain, and said that I was the one who forbid it.”
Wilhelm managed a weak smile. “I was worried that he’d find something even worse if I didn’t indulge him,” he said. And that was honest, but… “Letting him walk away from it on his own is the most optimal solution, I believe.”
And he had wanted the excuse to spend time with Subaru, even if it involved the thing he least wanted Subaru to do. Crusch watched him avoid this part of his answer with amusement.
…Wilhelm might not make it back this time.
Crusch’s smile faltered.
With those four great threats having resurfaced, the dangers associated with their presence had also re-emerged. The White Whale had been one of the toughest battles she had ever faced, and now she was to face a threat of that scale — fourfold, if she went with the worst case scenario. And they wouldn’t rely on Subaru’s ability this time: if any of them died, that would be it.
There was a chance to save those that they had lost this time, yes — but there was also the chance that those who had survived before wouldn’t return a second time.
“I don’t think it’s a bad idea, though,” Crusch said slowly.
Perhaps this could, how did Subaru put it? “Kill two birds with one stone?”
Wilhelm blinked. “Crusch-sama…?”
“We are not currently — fully capable of giving Subaru the emotional support that he might require,” Crusch admitted, folding her hands. “However, leaving him all alone in such a trying time…”
In the old timeline, for all of her faults, Rem had been the one who acted as Subaru’s tether during one of the worst weeks of his life. Now, Rem was so terrified that she might harm Subaru just by looking at him the wrong way that she refused to even let anyone let him know that she was here in the Estate. Forcing her to return to her old role — especially while she herself was in such a shaken state of mind — would likely end in disaster.
And also—
“Show me how awesome you can be, Subaru-kun.”
—That. Was not the kind of lesson Crusch wanted the time traveler to learn. Not now, not ever.
“Even if the training is temporary, Subaru could likely benefit from having some consistent company,” Crusch said. “I know you won’t be able to spend all your time with him in these conditions, but an hour or two in the mornings might be nice. …And, it might not be a bad idea for you to spend some time with him while you know you still can.”
Wilhelm understood what she meant by that. Wordlessly, he bowed his head.
And Subaru, Crusch knew, was not the only one who would benefit from this arrangement.
After a long moment, Ferris sighed. “Nyer just giving him false hope,” he pointed out, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “Nyew already knyow that nyobody’s ever going to let him become a knyight. Nyot after…” He grimaced. “After that.”
“…Perhaps not,” Wilhelm answered delicately, as if he himself wouldn’t be the first in line forbidding Subaru from going down that path. “But — that’s something he has to come to terms with on his own. I can humor him for the time being.”
“He’ll nyever get any better,” Ferris added. “He’s useless with a sword. Nyew knyow that.”
“It will be less work to allow him to figure that out himself,” Wilhelm dismissed. Crusch watched him fumble his way through that excuse, amused. Even now, the Sword Demon just couldn’t say his true intentions out loud, could he? “If we force it, he’ll just find something else, I’m sure. I’ll give him a chance to realize how this ends on his own.” Wilhelm chuckled. “I’m sure it won’t even be a week before he gives it up,” he commented.
That was about as long as it had taken Subaru the first time around, if Crusch remembered correctly, yes. “…Perhaps we can look into allowing him to practice with the whip again,” she mused. “Combat purposes aside, Subaru had that obstacle course, didn’t he…?”
Wilhelm grimaced. “We can talk about that later,” he said.
The Sword Demon only had room for one Subaru-related heart attack at a time, Crusch supposed.
*
“Honored Grandfather.”
Wilhelm stopped. Reinhard — wanted to believe that this was a good sign.
“…Reinhard,” Wilhelm said.
Reinhard swallowed, and then — went for it. “Would you like to come and join me for dinner?” he asked. “I’m eating in a separate room. You could come and— If you’d like.”
Most of him expected his grandfather to refuse outright. He expected Wilhelm to reject his offer, perhaps to sneer at him, maybe even to call him a monster. It had only been a very, very small part of him that dared to hope that things would be different this time around.
“…It seems that I will be having dinner with my grandson,” Wilhelm said, turning to one of the older knights he had been accompanying. “Please go on without me.”
—But apparently, this was one of the rare, rare times where that small and hopeful part of himself would be rewarded instead of stamped right back down.
Reinhard had been planning to eat alone, really: he wasn’t all that hungry, and he — had wanted some time to think. But…he and Wilhelm had never really talked, before, so when he saw the old man walking to the dining hall—
Well. Now here they both were, at a smaller table in a separate room, with the servants having served just enough food for two.
“How’s the turkey?” Wilhelm asked.
“I think it’s chicken, actually,” Reinhard answered politely.
“Oh.”
For a long moment, neither of them said anything else.
“I like turkey,” Reinhard said. “It’s a fine bird.”
Wilhelm nodded. “Turkeys are very noble,” he agreed. “Chickens, are…”
“They’re very brash and reckless, aren’t they?” Reinhard finished. “I tend to avoid chickens. They always attack me if I get too close.”
Wilhelm blinked. “Does it hurt?” he asked.
“No.” Reinhard shook his head. “But they don’t really know how weak they are, and I don’t want to hurt them, so…”
“…I see.”
Reinhard chewed some chicken. Swallowed. “Does Subaru’s world have any chickens?” he asked.
“It didn’t have any ground dragons, apparently,” Wilhelm frowned. “So maybe it didn’t.”
“…I want to show him a chicken,” Reinhard decided. “I think he’d like them. They’re both so…rowdy?”
Wilhelm snorted, a smile crossing his weathered face. “Come to think of it, Subaru does act a bit like a chicken sometimes!” he agreed. “—Oh, I’m going to be thinking about that all week, aren’t I…?”
Reinhard felt somewhat proud, at getting his grandfather to laugh. This pride was washed away, though, by the remembrance of why…
“Honored Grandfather,” he said. Wilhelm faltered. Reinhard swallowed. “I asked you to join me, because — about my grandmother—”
“Reinhard.”
Reinhard stopped.
“You…don’t need to apologize to me for anything,” Wilhelm said quietly. He wasn’t looking at him. “In fact…I, am the one who is sorry. The things I said to you that…”
Reinhard…was he hearing this correctly?
“Both of those times,” Wilhelm added. “Both when you were just a boy, and in Priestella — you never did anything but your best. I was a fool to punish you for that.”
Reinhard didn’t know what to say.
Wilhelm swallowed. “Can you forgive this foolish old man?” he asked. His voice was shaking. “Can you forgive me, for — the greatest mistake I’ve ever made?”
What do you say, in a situation like this?
“…Can the two of us — can we try to be a family again?”
What do you say, when someone hands you everything you ever wanted from them?
“…Thank you, Wilhelm,” he decided.
You say “thank you.”
The mood lightened considerably after that. Perhaps not everything had been said, but they had said enough to know that they had reached a starting ground — and for now, wasn’t that enough? And so they moved on to lighter things. Wilhelm told him about how he had started a new training regiment recently — or, nearly three years after this moment — and how he was planning on reintegrating it into his routine now because of how well it had been working. He told him about some of Ferris’ more entertaining clients, the ones the healer had complained to him about at length after their sessions had finished. And Reinhard—
“A garden?” Wilhelm repeated.
Reinhard rubbed the back of his neck, smiling. “Felt-sama thought that I served her best as the Estate’s gardener,” he explained sheepishly. “But I really do enjoy the work, I think. It’s…really becoming a beautiful place.”
Wilhelm stared at him for a long, long moment. “…I believe that I would like to see it, one of these days,” he finally said. “If you would let me.”
Reinhard beamed, feeling lighter than he had in years. “I can’t wait to show you!”
Wilhelm smiled back. “Perhaps we can drag Heinkel along,” he commented. Reinhard — blinked. “I think he…”
Reinhard pressed his lips together. “…Do you think he can get better?” he asked.
Wilhelm exhaled slowly. “I believe that I have failed him as a father for the past fourteen — or, really, the past seventeen years,” he finally said. “I never should have let him spiral so far. I never should have…”
“I don’t think regrets do anyone any good,” Reinhard said quietly. Wilhelm blinked. “That’s what Felt-sama says. And — I think I agree with her. …You can only look forward, right?”
“…There is great wisdom in that,” Wilhelm agreed.
Reinhard took another bite of his meal. It tasted incredible. He would need to pay his compliments to the chef.
His grandfather was sitting across from him, a soft smile on his face as he ate from a plate of his own. His father was — somewhere, probably in a bar getting drunk again — but he was here somewhere. Wasn’t that such an incredible, incredible blessing? That was— That was—
“Reinhard?” Wilhelm asked.
Reinhard started. “Hm?”
“You were looking glum,” Wilhelm said. “Is something…?”
“…I just think it’s kind of sad,” Reinhard finally said. “Subaru’s parents — they must have loved him very much. And he…he loved them, too.”
And now Subaru was never going to see either of them ever again.
He heard a long sigh. “It’s…a very tragic situation,” Wilhelm agreed heavily. “I’m sure that his father is a good man. And I’m sure that Subaru could have benefitted from…from…”
Wilhelm paused. Reinhard faltered, slightly, but — his grandfather didn’t seem angry. He watched as the old man took a deep breath.
“…Reinhard,” Wilhelm said. “How would you like a little brother figure?”
…Reinhard felt his eyes grow round.
*
Dinner came, and Subaru showed up right on time. That was good: Peter had been somewhat worried that they would have had to go and drag him out from his room on his very first day. They would have done so, of course — they wouldn’t have let him go hungry his very first night in the Estate — but it would have been an unfortunate start to their new arrangement.
Not everyone had been sent back in time. If Peter had to guess, only about half of Lady Crusch’s soldiers had actually experienced those — visions — he himself not being one of them. Crusch had held an emergency assembly shortly after the Royal Selection Ceremony had concluded to announce their Camp’s new responsibility surrounding the protection of Natsuki Subaru, during which she had explained the very basics of their situation, but Peter had gotten most of his information from Boris, who actually HAD — gone back in time, apparently.
Unless that was all just a mass hallucination. He assumed they’d figure out whether it was true or not at the stated time of the White Whale’s next appearance. Until then he’d just do as he had been told and hope for the best.
But another problem had arisen: Subaru didn’t appear to know where to sit, and nobody was moving to get his attention. Those who weren’t up to speed on the situation due to having been excluded from the time travel incident were busy getting caught up by their peers, and those who were in the know were either busy explaining the situation or simply under the impression that Subaru’s seating arrangement had already been handled. Which, if Peter remembered correctly—
“Isn’t Subaru supposed to be eating with Wilhelm?” Garrett muttered, eyes fixed on the boy as he uncertainly glanced around the room for an empty seat. “Thought that was the arrangement…”
“Wil’m ain’t g’nna be ‘ere t’night,” Boris answered. The knight was already munching on a chicken leg. He swallowed. “Went to talk with Reinhard,” he explained. Then, with a bit of a teasing grin— “If he’s serious about adopting the kid into his family, he’s gotta make sure everyone currently IN the family is on board, don’t he?”
It had been an entirely last minute decision on Wilhelm’s part, with the Sword Demon deciding that Felt and Reinhard’s current presence at the Karsten Estate presented with it an opportunity for reconciliation. This was a sign of incredible growth on the man’s part, Boris reflected: in the old timeline, it had taken a full year even after the White Whale’s defeat before he had managed to approach his grandson again, and even then…
Well, he was doing something different this time around. That was the important part.
“Do you really think Wilhelm’s going to want to adopt that kid?” Peter asked.
Garrett snorted. “I’m surprised he never tried in the last timeline,” he answered. “If he passes up the opportunity NOW, I’ll eat my ground dragon.”
“Even if he doesn’t realize he’s gonna want to do it yet,” Boris added. “He’s gonna do it.”
“I think a betting pool has already opened up about how long it will take him to crack, actually…”
“The Vice Captain is probably gonna be a pain,” Peter sighed.
“Just glad I don’t have to be the one to figure out a way to convince— hey, hey!”
Boris nearly spat out his drink as he realized why Garrett was suddenly striding across the room, having gotten out of his seat. Apparently everyone had taken too long to show Subaru where to sit, with Wilhelm having left suddenly and failed to get anyone to cover for him, and so Subaru had responded by deciding to go and sit at the one table that would absolutely cause problems if he managed to do it.
Julius’ — rather odd decision, to put it mildly — had gone above and beyond in cooling the tempers of the knights who hadn’t gone back in time, but that didn’t guarantee that Subaru would have leeway if they believed that he was insulting them yet again. Boris knew damn well that Subaru’s actions were nothing more than him looking for a place to sit, but someone without context might see it as him asserting himself as equal to Crusch-sama, which—!
None of Boris’ panicked fears about what could happen if that impression was given to the room full of knights came to fruition, however, because Garrett had managed to reach him in time.
“I—” Subaru was stammering, his eyes darting around in a panic. “I—”
“You don’t have any manners, do you?” Garrett was scolding him, visibly frazzled, dragging him across the room like a particularly unruly child. Boris stifled a laugh at the sight of the Hero Who Slew The White Whale being manhandled in such a way. “You’re lucky I caught you before you humiliated yourself in front of everyone a THIRD time, you stupid brat. —Here. You’re sitting HERE. Not up there. Here.”
He had shoved Subaru into a seat at the table that was mainly reserved for the older knights, the ones who — even if they weren’t currently up to date on Subaru’s situation — would be unlikely to look back on his earlier stunt with much more than amusement. It was the safest option for sure, even if Garrett was not currently taking his seat right by Subaru’s side in order to watch over him in the Sword Demon’s stead.
“Really…” Boris sighed, shaking his head before tucking back into his dinner.
The other knights resumed their conversation. Subaru didn’t join in. This made sense: Boris doubted any kid his age would be all that interested in talking to a bunch of boring old guys. Wilhelm had been the exception, but Wilhelm was also the Sword Demon of Lugunica, so obviously he’d be the exception. Besides, tables were for eating, not for talking.
—Subaru wasn’t eating. Boris frowned, pausing to swallow. Was the kid worried that he wasn’t allowed to eat the same food as the rest of the Karsten Estate, perhaps?
“It’s bad manners not to eat what the chefs cooked,” Peter prodded, nudging Subaru’s plate a little closer in an effort to coax him into taking a proper bite. “If you don’t eat, it’s an insult to your hosts. …We all know that basic manners are some foreign entity to you,” he added teasingly, having only heard snippets from his seniors but being well-capable of painting a fuller picture from that alone. “But try to not insult Crusch-sama and her staff so much on the first day you’re here.”
Apparently that encouragement was all Subaru really needed, because he took up his utensils and started to eat soon after that. Boris watched him for a moment longer before turning back to Garrett. “Is this gonna be his usual arrangement?” he asked gruffly.
“Wilhelm should get his act together by tomorrow,” Garrett said, rolling his eyes. “Really, he could have at least given the kid a heads-up…”
But he and Reinhard had taken forever to discuss things, before. For Wilhelm to brace himself and take the invitation for a proper talk as soon as it had arrived instead of putting it off yet again…
Subaru didn’t say anything, munching absentmindedly on some chicken. Boris assumed everything had worked out, in any case.