Chapter Text
It was one of those cold days in october, the ones that remind you winter was just around the corner, so without anything better to do Sam thought it would be smart of him to take a day for himself. He was aware that he has been overworking himself lately, and thanks to his experience as a counselor he knew that was unhealthy in the long run.
It’s been months, and it’s not a healthy coping mechanism but Sam would work overtime to help other people rather than trust himself enough to be alone with his thoughts for so long, because if he did, he would be seeing his soulmate falling to his death over and over again.
Riley wouldn't want this, he would have wished to Sam to move on and be happy, he would have thought Sam deserved to be happy but it was too soon, the accident was still fresh on Sam’s memory, and while it’s true that he had tried once or twice to met someone, he gave up eventually after realized that it would be worthless, Sam was just not ready yet and maybe he would never met someone as special as Riley.
It was probably these beliefs that would change Sam’s life forever.
“You good man?” Sam asked the man at the queue in front of him, the stranger was the total opposite of the kind of person you would see in a place like this. If anything he looked on the verge of a panic attack in the middle of the cafeteria, as if he was completely lost.
“I think so” it sounds like a question more than anything “sorry I should leave”
If Sam was a normal person he would have agreed and eventually forget about this incident, however, as a veteran of the military Sam doubted he still qualified as normal, so instead he said “hey, no is fine. Maybe a coffee and good talk could help. It’s on me”
Sam wasn’t sure about why he was doing this, maybe it was mere sympathy but it felt wrong to not do anything, besides, the man had a particular look on his eyes, something that reflected exhaustion and fear. It was something Sam was very familiar with, he has seen that same look in his own eyes more than once.
“No, really you shouldn’t-” despite his words it seemed like the tension on the man’s shoulders eased a little.
“I insist, I’m Sam by the way”
“James, or I think so” the last part was said with such uncertainty that Sam almost didn’t hear it, he chose to not comment about it.
Sam ordered two of his favorites -a classic macchiato with no sugar- hoping that was okay, he wasn’t going to ask someone who barely remembered his name his preference on coffee, and the choose a small table at the corner of the cafe since it was further away from the others and they could have more privacy, certainly it seemed like James appreciated the gesture.
“Sorry and thanks I guess, Sam right?”
“The one and only” at that James answered with a subtle smile that motivated Sam to push his luck a little “so tell me James, what brings you to Cat and Coffee” technically that was not the name of the place but it was how Sam decided to call it since the owner adopted a cat that more often than not was sleeping around the case, it was a cute cat, although Sam swore it had some kind of personal vendetta against him.
Nevertheless, none of that mattered, not when the subtle smile turned into a full laughter that already paid off both of their drinks. It was beautiful, in all honesty now that Sam could finally pay attention to him he had to admit that James was a handsome gentleman, his long hair was misaligned and his clothes -all leather and black- were a mess but that did little to overshadow a smile that could easily compete with a model and his beautiful blue eyes.
Perhaps Sam was being a little dramatic but there was something unusual about those eyes, they hid something as deep as the Pacific ocean and Sam was more than ready to listen to the stories they could bury.
When James finally calmed down he tried to explain himself and the more he was saying the more confused he was. He truly didn’t know where he was or how he got to Washington, he did remember a fight -strange since he didn’t seem injured at all-, but not against who or why.
“And your first instinct was to enter a cafe?”
“I don’t know man I just needed a place to think and see if I remember something else, but I felt like I shouldn't be alone, which is weird because I don’t think I should be here either” James drank what was left of his macchiato in one swallow as if it was a glass of whisky “I guess I wanted something hot to drink, it’s cold and I hate cold, I remember that very well”
Sam was concerned, James talked as if he had some mental gaps, Sam wondered if he suffered some kind of disorder or if the fight in question caused some kind of contusion.
“Have you gone to the hospital?”
“No”
“I can-”
“No” Jemes interrupted, it sounded like a plea “don’t take me anywhere close to a doctor” now that was certainly bizarre, Sam didn’t want to pressure but he couldn’t ignore it.
“I was gonna say that maybe you could let me check on you, I have some experience” he was obviously not the best for the task but Sam supposed it was better than nothing.
James relaxed again but gently rejected his offer, Sam was disappointed but he assumed it was to be expected
“I should probably go now” James said without waiting for an answer, already getting up “thanks again Sam, I mean it”
“Will I see you again?” he truly didn’t want to leave James on his own but then again they were still strangers to each other.
“I hope so” James smiled again and finally left.
Sam went back to his own apartment since it was later than he thought but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had seen James before somewhere, which was unlikely because Sam was sure he couldn’t forget someone with those eyes.
Sam visited the cafe a few days later and was so surprised to find James again, just like the last time he didn't stand out much but Sam recognized his eyes, they shared a small talk but once again James left without saying that much. Even so, it was clear he was happy to have found Sam once again.
It became a habit, Sam went to the cafe and ordered his usual, and every once in a while he would meet James's gaze. Sometimes they talked to each other, sometimes they just looked in the eyes for longer than should be considered normal -Sam would blame James for this one-. It was like some kind of ritual, a strange way of saying hey I'm still alive but I can't remember anything yet and no I won't let you get involved.
It was strange and it shouldn’t have worked but it seemed to be enough for James and against any common sense, Sam found himself enjoying this little routine of them.
Of course Sam had tried more than once to help James -it didn’t matter what he said it wasn’t normal for a person to not even be sure about their own name- or at least to see if he could discover anything else about his mysterious man.
James was quiet, didn’t seem to like people in general and tended to be a little paranoid -he had the strange habit of always checking if they were alone, because and Sam quotes I need to be sure no one is following us - . Why would someone like him insist on always coming to the same place was beyond Sam's understanding, he even had offered to find somewhere else, but James said he had learned to find some kind of comfort there.
It was weird, nothing about this situation was particularly conventional but Sam didn’t really care about the circumstances he was just happy to have met James, -between all the mystery and uncertainty around him there was a kind and charming man- he is just tired of feeling helpless, because while he obviously doesn’t understand what happened to James, is clear that he has been hurted in more than one way and who desperately wants to stop hiding. From what or who Sam had no idea.
However, everytime Sam tried to say anything about it James would push him away.
“I just wish I could do more for you” Sam said once in one of his dates -due for lack of a better word- with James. Sam wasn’t really thinking before the words left his mouth, which was weird, sure he is a caring person and he would always try his best to help others, yet somehow it was different when it was about James. He truly wanted to understand him better.
“You do more than enough just by being with me” judging by his reaction James hasn't intended to say something like that, his gaze changed trying to look anywhere but Sam “sorry that was-” he was already going to leave so Sam grabbed his hand. He was surprised and scared of what he saw, James immediately pulled back his hand as he was terrified of the touch, there was something in his big blue eyes that Sam couldn't quite read but it disappeared just as soon as Sam noticed.
“Sorry” Sam got back a little, he didn’t know what he triggered but he had to show James that he was safe.
James blinked a few times, like he was trying to recognize where he was, when he catched Sam’s gaze he seemed to relax just a little, or at least enough to be able to talk again “you should not be the one apologizing”.
“Wanna talk about it?” Sam tried.
“Not really. I’m leaving now.”
Sam couldn’t allow that, he didn’t want to so he suggested going with him but as expected James rejected his offer.
“Would you at least stay a little longer?” James gives him a sad smile that Sam chose to interpret as a yes..
After what could have been minutes or hours Sam felt a subtle touch on his hand, he looked at James for a couple seconds, silently asking for permission, and when James granted him a small nod Sam interlocks their fingers.
Sam didn’t see James after that night.
Sam went almost daily for almost two weeks, even asking the employees if they had seen his usual companion but nobody knew anything. Sam gave up after that and stopped visiting the place for a while.
It wasn’t until the middle of december when he tried one last time, that he finally caught a glimpse of James, sure the snow made everything worse but Sam was sure he recognized the man outside of the window. By the time their gazes met James was already leaving.
Same wanted to at least to figure out what's going on, so he left the place and tried to go after him, he attempted to keep his composure yet he found his temper slipping against his will and demanding an explanation, to what James answered "I can't explain it but I know you should stay away from me" and it was told with such fragility that Same couldn't help but ask "then why did you come back?"
What James said would mark Sam for the rest of his life, "I don't want to forget you"
James walked away after that and Sam didn't even try to go after him.
During the next couple weeks Sam found he was visiting Cat & Coffee more often than before, was that because he hoped to find James again? Maybe, but Sam considered it natural wanting to check on someone who looked about to suffer a collapse.
Although if Sam allowed some honesty he would admit that he was the one in the verge of a collapse, at the very least he wanted a proper clousure to whatever the fuck they had.
To his surprise, his efforts were rewarded when one day James suddenly dropped next to him at the table. Somehow he managed to look even worse than the last time. Sam could clearly see the baggy eyes on his face.
“Hey what happened pal?”
“Do I know you?” He also sounded worse.
“Kinda, we talked once or twice” It was a bad attempt at a joke, but Sam wanted to ease the tension in James. It didn’t seem to be working.
“Right” James said and then nothing for a while and Sam wasn’t sure about what to do when James spoke again “Why am I not in Korea?”
“What?” Sam was trying to play it cool but he couldn’t hide his confusion.
“Forget it”
“James-”
“Don’t call me that”
“Fine, how do I call you?” James froze for a while then whispered “don’t remember” and before Sam had the chance to say something James interrupted again “doesn’t matter just wanted to be sure if I know you”
James left as fast as he had arrived and Sam tried to follow him but the moment he went out of the place the man had completely faded away, like he was never there to begin.
Sam wondered if this was the last time they would see each other.
The next time they found each other was something Sam would have never predicted.
Everything started as a very normal day. He was in a good mood, sure he had been humiliated on his usual morning run but that was to be expected if you met Steve freaking Rogers. You don’t encounter a legend everyday, let alone someone as Captain America -and no the museums don’t do him justice, Sam could deduce that after one single chatter- so yeah Sam considered he’s having a great day. It deserves to be celebrated with some iced coffee.
Then, not so many days after that, his life took a 180° turn. One moment he was drinking orange juice, the next one Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff were at his door telling him some crazy story about how Hydra has never truly disappeared and they were, in fact, part of SHIELD, and also Nick Fury was dead. And yes that was a lot to process in one morning, so Sam, as any rational human being, decided to help in whatever the fuck was this mess.
Things were going fine until they weren’t.
Sam has heard about Steve Rogers -obviously, who hasn’t- but working with him was something else, it was evident that the man was a natural leader, always calm and trying to take the best decision, Steve has a goal and was determined to success and if that wasn’t enough he has Natasha Romanoff on his side. Now Sam wasn’t exactly familiar with her, he knew about some rumors but that was it, that being said, he knew the woman had no trouble in playing dirty if required and Sam wasn’t opposed to the idea, whatever was happening it was bad and it had to be stopped sooner than later. In short, Sam was relieved to be with such efficient people, they were a good team.
Currently they were at the car and Nat was getting more information of Sitwell, the man seemed on edge -even more than they could have anticipated- Sam didn’t mind until he, as well as everyone else, understood why. It happened way too fast for Sam’s linking. One second he was driving the next one a psychopath stole his steering wheel.
They somehow managed to not die in the process but there was no time to relax, it was not only the psychopath of the metal arm -the winter soldier, according to the description Steve gave him after agreeing to join this madness- they were completely surrounded. How the hell did HYDRA find them and what happened to Sitwell? Well, they would think about it later. In the mindtime they have a fight to win.
To no one's surprise, Steve was the one dealing with the psycho, Sam wasn’t paying that much attention -he has his own battle thank you very much- but from what little he could see in the distance, it was scary how much trouble this guy was. Was that another super soldier? sure, that would make sense except it didn’t, Steve was supposed to be the only one, how did HYDRA replicate the project?
“At your six” Nat screamed from somewhere. Sam owned her one, they were outnumbered and trying to cause as little collateral damage as possible. So yeah, Sam would keep his theories for later.
Then it happened.
Sam would blame the heat of the battle, but the moment the mask of the soldier dropped, Sam froze. He was sure he could recognize those blue eyes anywhere.
Except that couldn’t be possible. It shouldn’t be possible.
For crying out loud Wilson you need to focus he reminder himself, and thank God he did because if he was confused, then there weren’t enough words in the dictionary to describe the current state of Steve.
Shock would be an understatement, the man was paralyzed, and for a small second Sam thought he saw the same desperation reflected on the other’s eyes. It disappeared so fast that Sam thought he may have imagined, then the soldier recovered his focus.
Steve didn’t.
Sam knows he has to get him out of there, Steve is not in condition to keep fighting, luckily for them, and thanks to Natasha they all manage to escape.
When Steve finally recovered his ability to talk he only said one name Bucky and it was easy to put two and together, but once again nothing made any sense.
Everyone knew about their tragic heroes, how Captain America and his longlife friend James Buchanan Barnes -and yes Sam was trying to not think about the “James” part- sacrificed themselves in pursuit of winning the war.
Of course, there was one small detail, Steve didn’t die, he survived in the ice and then woke up in a new century, it was a miracle, but that was to be expected, Steve the fragile kid who became the nation’s symbol naturally a legend like him could beat the logic of time and survive for nearly seventy years, if anyone could do that it was Steve Rogers.
But Bucky? He was no super soldier, it was illogical thinking he could survive falling down to the Danube River in the middle of the winter, and even if that was the case, how could a person survive for so long without aging, Bucky should be at least one hundred years old.
Needless to say, there were a million questions Sam had and probably another million Steve wanted to ask himself.
“Hey” Natasha kindly interrupted his train of thoughts, Sam gave her a small smile “need some help to check up your wounds?” Sam was about to reject -Nat had her own wounds and Sam didn’t want to bother her- until he met her gaze and understood the message “sure”.
It was a believable excuse, unlike Steve they didn’t heal that quickly so it made sense if they left for a while to help each other, they were out of HYDRA’s reach so they could at least let their guard down for a little.
“What’s on your mind?” Natasha finally asked.
“A lot. So you need to be more specific”
“When we were at the bridge, you lost your focus for a second” naturally she had noticed even in those circumstances.
“Not like him”
Nat let a small chuckle out “maybe, but still. You acted as if you had saw that man before”
And there it was, the thing he didn’t want to talk about, then again, it was not the best moment to guard secrets “once or twice” Sam finally said “but not as the winter soldier” he added just in case.
When Natasha said nothing Sam assumed he should keep talking “at least I thought it was him, I haven’t seen the metal arm before” it was not a lie, James tended to use jackets and gloves but that was normal in autumn so Sam didn’t think it was weird.
“So why do you think it was him?”
“The eyes” he answered with no hesitation.
“Sam-”
“And the name” he had considered not saying the last part, but honestly Sam was losing his mind “not Bucky, but James” it was a common name so Sam never even considered the possibility of him being Steve’s longlife death friend -in fact, why would anyone consider that was a possibility in the first place-.
“Right. Does he know?”
“Depends. Who are we talking about?” Sam can’t think about James, Bucky and the winter soldier as the same person.
“I have dealt with the winter soldier before” understatement of the century, Natasha truly believed it would be her end that day, then again there is no reason to tell Sam all the details “he is not someone you would see in public spaces unless he was sent to kill you. So if you’re still alive I doubt it was him”
“So what do you suggest?”
Natasha looked around just in case “you just confirmed what I already suspect” Sam raised his eyebrow, so she continued “if that’s really Bucky he wouldn’t be serving the enemy that tried to destroy the nation he was fighting for. HYDRA experimented with him once” Sam remembered that from his history books, the day Steve Rogers rescued his friend and became Captain America “so they probably did it twice, but I doubted they succeeded, not at 100% at least”
“Well it definitely looked like that”
“You will see it too, eventually” she left so that was the end of the conversation, Sam wanted to protest until he heard some footsteps, meaning Steve was close, they probably took longer than necessary and he must be worried.
Sam was sure once this was over, and not independently of the result, Steve would look for Bucky and honestly Sam would have help even without the whole James’s situation -he have thought about it for a while and their positions were reversed, if Sam had seen Riley at the battlefield after so many years of mourning for his love Sam would have go after him with no hesitation- he just had another reason to do it.