Work Text:
"S-sorry! Shit- I'm sorry, I'm really sorry-"
Angel Dust slowly slipped to his knees, like a dead flower petal fluttering on the ground. Blood was humming in his ears, his breath sharp and faster than it should be. Four hands clenched just above his heart, another unconcious attempt to defend himself against the upcoming pain.
"Angel!"
There was this scream. His name. No. Shit. Angel knew he fucked up, but was it that bad?
His stage name usually meant something bad. Moaned by drooling perverts, shouted by despising strangers, strained out with a threat by...
Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes.
He fucked up again. And he was well aware what that meant.
His name was just making a long way for the insults.
(And hits).
(And touches).
"Imsorryimsorryimsorry-! Please, I'm- I'm sorry, I-! im sorryimsorry-"
His words were choked. There was not enough air to say them.
(Guess who'll be choked next?)
There was not enough air to breathe.
"F-fuck... Angel, sorry, I didn't mean to..."
Voice was deep, quiet and some part of Angel guessed it should soothe his racing mind. Whose voice? He wasn't sure, he lost the sense of where he is or with whom when his mind turned on the "survive mood". Eyes fixed on the floor didn't really help; though they were so teary he wouldn't see another sinner anyway.
(Besides, he learned a long time ago it was safer to look down).
Val?, his terrified inner voice guessed. Angel knew he did something wrong, right? So maybe that was Valentino, Angel usually messed something up around him, showed his love too little or too much, or just existed in the wrong way.
Wait, no. Valentino would kick him already.
Unrecognised demon kneeled in front of trembling Angel, slowly. Okay, that happens, sometimes. For some it was easier to hit Angel if they lowered themselves to his level. He'll probably even thank this sinner after all of this. For lowering to his level, that is. Or maybe for the beating, too.
Angel deserved it, after all. He was in Hell for a reason, and even here he kept making mistake after mistake. Beating was even too good for him, whispered something in him, something sounding way too much like Valentino's voice. He shut his eyes, tears easily escaped this barrier, and didn't say anything more.
He sure looked pathetic. Crying, curled up on his knees spider, usually taller than most, now trying to look as small as he felt.
Quiet, horrified, waiting.
Good boy.
(Struggling for breath).
Enduring the punishment willingly, Angel hoped it satisfied whoever was looking at him now. It always pleased Val, right? And half of Hell jerked off to these kind of scenes, so he would probably gain some forgiveness points, too. And in the end being good would mean Angel at least tried, right? That he knew his place.
"Angel," soft voice filled his ears again. The same tone some could make while talking to a frightened stray cat.
Spider nodded to show that he listened, he really did. He even forced out of himself a silent "yes?" that used most of the oxygen left in his lungs.
Valentino prefered it when Angel answered. And this answer would better be "yes", no matter what was the question or order.
"Try to breathe with me, okay?," this calming voice was still quiet and concerned.
(Concerned? What did that mean for Angel? Will he-)
He didn't even realize what quiet ask meant for him before he heard a little snort as something wet touched his thigh.
"N-Nuggs?," Angel half-whispered, half-sobbed as another wet snort rumbled through his fur. He would recognise his baby in every state.
Some gentle paw helped Fat Nuggets sit on Angel's lap. He petted little piglet involuntarily.
"Breathe with me, alright?," request was repeated, and Angel knew better than to refuse anything right now.
He tried to match his breath with the other he was hearing. There wasn't much noise except his cries and Nugget's worried snorts, so it wasn't that difficult, even in his actual state. Slow, regular action.
In, out.
In, out.
In, out.
Angel's hands on Nuggets' back were slightly less shaky. Maybe because finally, finally he could actually breathe.
"There you go," now this calming voice sounded with relief. And suddenly spider realised who its owner was. Nuggets nuzzled into Angel's elbow as he breathed out, still not looking up:
"Husky."
Tense muscles of paws, hanging uncertainly halfway to Angel's hands, relaxed a little.
"Yeah, that's me."
Words were met with silence, heavy like Angel's invisible chain.
"You okay, Angel? You wanna, uh, talk about it?"
...
Talk.
Angel almost laughed histerically. Even though he remembered where and with whom he was, it didn't change much, now that Angel remembered what had let them to this point. Did Husk even understand what was going on?
Because if he would, he'd be hitting Angel by now.
And what was even here to talk about? Maybe Husk wanted some explanation? Probably. Angel knew every possible excuse he could come up with was stupid. Still, Valentino sometimes wanted them, even if only to mock them. Spider spoke up immediately when he understood what the other wanted from him. He had to be good right now.
"Yeah." Husk smiled a little at his soft word, so Angel knew he was doing the right thing. Good. "H-Husky, I don't know what I was thinking. I thought about something different and it just... slipped out. Like I said, I'm- I'm really sorry." Angel glanced up to see how Husk's half peaceful expression cracked painfully with every word. No. No, no, no. Angel desperately continued. "For, you know, refusing. And" he flinched, remembering his panic from just a few seconds ago "what happened after. I- Tried to prevent it, promise!"
Fat Nuggets, sensing growing distress of his friend, started to lick Angel's chest fluff.
Valentino never liked panic attacks, never. Here Angel had to agree, he knew this unrealistic terror only revealed how broken he was, but that didn't help him to stop. Husk seemed to be disappointed, too, but Angel didn't dare to peek up again to prove it. Husk sighed and spider felt his heart rate quicken. Will he finally hit him? Spider opened his mouth to say something more, anything, but this time cat was faster:
"Legs, please." That didn't sound mad, rather sad. "Please, don't say that you're sorry."
"Sure, baby, whatever you..." Angel understood the meaning of Husk's words halfway in his own automatic response. "...want?"
"No, Angel. No 'whatever I want'."
"Ohhh, now that's a shame handsome! We both could really enjoy it..." Angel brushed the edge of Husk's wings the way he knew cat liked. Old mask felt uncomfortable, but safe on his face. "Wouldn't you love to order me around," he lowered his voice, "like a beautiful doll, obediently fulfilling your every whim?~"
Instead of relaxing like he always did when Angel touched his wings, Husk flinched.
"FUCK, no."
Nuggets squeaked in disapproval when half of petting him hands were gone, and Angel tried to soothe his pet without bringing Husk's attention to him. It's for our safety, Nuggs.
"Why not, baby?~," Angel now was whispering, lowering his head, getting closer. He settled his mouth right in front of Husk's ear. His fingers were digging into cat's wings like he was desperate. (Because, well, he was, just in a different way than he should be). One of his knees pressed between Husk's legs as he practically threw his body on him. Eager whore, that image typically reduced all the tension. At least for the other person than mentioned whore, but its feelings didn't matter anyways.
Angel still forgot that Husk isn't quite typical.
"Because." He shoved Angel away, gently but without hesitation. "First of all, you're acting again," he noted, his voice was deeply sad and concerned, with a shade of hurt Husk seemingly tried to hide.
A paw that pulled spider away lingered now above Angel's own hand, like with a silent question, but he didn't take time to think about it. He was busy wondering why Husk was so observant, when Angel just tried to make things right.
"Daddy-" Spider took a deep breath, reaching for his last weapon, but was interrupted.
"You just said a few minutes ago you aren't in the mood for sex tonight, Angel!"
Angel flinched. Right. That was when all his panic started.
He and Husk have been together for a while now. It wasn't perfect, it would be difficult with relationship of two addicts in love. But it was good. Surely better than these few relationships Angel was in. One anxious teenage love that didn't work out at all (not to mention that back in time it had to be hidden). A few lovers, if regular clients who sometimes brought him on a "date" just to have sex all night counted. And, of course, Valentino. Okay, maybe the bar wasn't high, but Husk and the way he treated Angel exceeded all expectations (read as: dreams) spider dared to have.
This was beautiful... This was new. And scary, somehow, because Angel never knew what to expect, how to act. With others it was easy to figure out - stupid, pretty porn star was all they needed. Husk was different, of course he was. He claimed he wanted the real Angel, and so spider tried to be himself. For once, for this one person he could lower his guard
He'd do anything and everything for Husk to stay with him, anyway.
They fucked, or, like Angel liked to call it, made love together a lot of times already. Sometimes Angel asked for intimacy, sometimes that was Husk. It was slow and sweet, or rough if they both wanted it. Either way, it was beautiful. Angel finally, after all these years, cherished every second of sex, adored the feeling of connection between him and the person he loved so dearly.
Tonight Husk started kissing him, and it was fine. Nice. But Angel was already tired after work. And when cat tried to do something more, he gently pulled his paws away, explaining the situation.
Angel refused sex and, barely a second after he did so, his breath was short and mind terrified.
He was Angel Dust, fucking best-sold porn star in Pride Ring, if not in all of Hell. With Husk, he already had everything he could dream of, way more than he deserved. Love. Affection. Good, actually caring intimate partner. Drinking buddy. Listening bartender. Therapist even, sometimes. Everything. How dared he refuse anything to Husk? How dared he forbid his boyfriend what he gave today to dozens of strangers already? A whore denying sex, what a pathetic joke.
That's what he was for, sex was the only thing he could give to his loved ones. And as if that wasn't enough, they were boyfriends now. Angel stopped Husk from taking what was rightfully his.
After cat's last words, silence again hung in the air like a dust, interrupted only by worried pig grunts. Angel saw he was crying again only when Husk's claws came to his cheeks to wipe the tears away.
"Please, don't leave me," he whispered in a broken voice. "Do anything, I'll let you, just... don't leave me."
"Angel, can you look at me?," Husk asked in this gentle tone of his.
After all this time, Angel looked up. Husk's honey eyes were sad, but there was no anger in them, which shocked Angel enough to stare into them for a bit longer.
"I'm not leaving, Legs. I'm not mad. And I don't want to... 'do anything'. Okay?"
Fuck, either it was a trap or Husk really was MUCH too good for Angel.
"Yeah." Angel offered a shaky, fake smile. Husk, this bastard, could probably see right through it, because his paw caressed Angel's cheek delicately. He just wanted to melt into that touch, but he couldn't risk it. Coming back to his usual persona was always easier, safer. He grinned wider. "Shall we come back to where we were, babe?" His fingers, perfectly matching his purring voice, stroked Husk's wing again. The other hand moving right to his own pants, but was stopped by Nuggets nibbling at his glove. Maybe two hands to pet him weren't enough.
Or maybe piglet wanted to prevent a catastrophy, he always did the same thing when Angel wanted to take drugs.
"Angel." At Husk's growl, Angel's smile faltered, but he didn't take his hand away. Fat Nuggets squeaked loudly.
"I'm... serious, you know," he explained softly. "It was stupid of me to refuse, and I'm really sorry. I want to make this whole crybaby act up to you."
I will do whatever you want. Take whatever you throw at me. Please.
And if that's not enough, I can do better.
Just don't leave me.
"Nuggs, I'm fine! Stop nibbling at my fingers and snorting at me, will you, baby?" Angel kissed little head. "Sorry, Husky, I don't know what's got into him..."
His hands were trembling, again, and not because of a loud piglet.
Husk sighed and before answering, opened his arms. Angel took an invitation, drowning himself like a broken whore he was into Husk's safe hug.
"You don't have to make anything up to me," Husk said, stroking Angel's back. Spider hid his confused expression in the crook of fluffy, soft neck. "You did nothing wrong."
"But... I refused," Angel said slowly, like he was explaining something obvious to a child.
"And I'm happy you did so."
There was uncertain silence for a second or two.
"...you what?"
"I'm happy you refused. I'm proud. That means that you trust me, that you won't let me hurt you. I would never want to hurt you."
"Hurt me?," he snorted bitterly. "I'm a porn star, I have sex every day."
"That doesn't mean you have to want this all the time."
Uh huh, sure.
"And then I started to panic like a pitiful piece of-"
"Like a decent person with trauma and toxic ex."
Angel shook his head. First of all, he was far from "decent". And, what was more important, Husk shouldn't think about his boyfriend's trauma right now!
"Still, you wanted to fuck," Angel said helplessly, because that usually cleared all the doubts.
"I don't want to do anything intimate if we both don't enjoy it."
"So..." Angel whispered, almost scared to say this out loud. "You'll just let it slide? Forgive me right away?" Said aloud, that sounded even more ridiculous. He came back to petting Fat Nuggets with all of his hands, being careful not to sqeeze him between him and Husk. Nuggets somehow felt growing anxiety in his friend's mind and started to lick one of his gloves.
"No, I can't 'forgive you' if you did nothing wrong," Husk corrected patiently.
"Fine, dumbass." Angel looked in his eyes. "In other words, maybe, because you don't seem to understand. You won't break up with me?" He tried to sound chill, but on the last sentence his voice cracked.
And so did something in Husk's gold eyes. His paw on Angel's back pulled spider a little closer, like afraid the he would disappear.
"Never."
Angel's eyes widened in the mix of relief and shock.
"You won't even hit me?," he continued in disbelief. Husk cupped his face gently.
"I wouldn't do that, alright?," he reassured softly.
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I know your past relationships were shitty, but don't worry. We're gonna improve your standards a bit."
Angel chuckled a little.
"And that says the guy who is with me?"
"This guy is an old drunk, keep that in mind."
"Sure." Angel smiled involuntarily for a second, before this expression was replaced with worry. "But honestly, I don't know how you deal with me. I know I can be a bit..." he paused. A bit, what? Careful? Frightened? Pathetic? Moody? Stupid? Undeserving of-
"So am I, guess we're both sometimes... 'a bit'. And that's okay. We're in this together, remember?"
"Two losers on leashes and all that stuff?" Angel smiled a little.
"Yeah, losers, addicts and all the worst."
He finally hugged Husk back. They both slowly relaxed in each other's arms. Nuggets decided this much affection is enough for him, sniffed Angel, as if looking for any signs of fear, and probably found none, because he left the two.
"I have to admit, being the worst with you isn't so awful," Angel smiled into Husk's neck. "Even though my baby just left me here." Which meant the piglet knew he was safe, but he didn't say it out loud.
"You miss that little bastard so much already?," Angel could almost hear Husk raising his brow in irony.
"A lot." Angel pouted dramatically. Then he noticed suddenly: "Damn, your fur is wet with my tears. Don't cats hate water or something?"
"I can handle a little bit of your tears." Husk's rubbed his back, both of their bodies were finally relaxed.
"Awww, making an exception for lil old me? Almost like you were sweet on me," Angel pulled back to battle his eyelashes. Husk smiled wider.
"Nah, why do you think so? I just happen to be your boyfriend."
Angel snorted.
"Sure you do, Whiskers."
Husk frowned with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.
"Tears are fine, but this nickname?"
"Oh baby, you know you love it! Just as much as I love these whiskers of yours." Angel tipped Husk's nose.
"I can stand it. Eventually." Angel beamed when Husk's face brightened up with yet another smile.
"Besides, you call me 'Legs'. Now, what's that supposed to mean?"
"That you've got nice legs, idiot."
"Whoa, I'm flattered. Thanks, I guess?," Angel hugged Husk closer again and, after a while, added into his fur. "For everything tonight."
Last sentence was muffled, but he was sure his boyfriend understood.
Husk held him tighter, planting a few kisses into Angel's hair. Angel gently moved his fingers through red feathers, and this time cat didn't flinch.
He purred instead, the most beautiful sound Angel's ever heard.