Chapter Text
Gumball brushed boxes and books aside, finally finding the camera. “Hey, honey, do we have any batteries?” He called. “I don’t know what kind this thing needs.”
“I put some fresh ones in earlier!” Penny shouted from the kitchen. She bustled in, a stained apron around her waist, a phone pressed to her ear in one hand and a bundled up kitten in the other. “I don’t see why you can’t just use your phone!”
“Tradition, Penny, tradition! These videos are best filmed on camera!”
“Yeah, but- hang on, I gotta take this, can you hold Zachy?” She extended the baby-occupying hand out towards the cat.
“Oh, sure!” Gumball smiled, setting the camera down and scooping his son in his arms. “Hey lil buddy, are you enjoying your first Christmas?”
“Habwa buh ba.”
“I’m gonna take that as a yes.”
“Can you try and get him to eat?” Penny said in a hushed tone. “He hasn’t- oh, hey mom! No, just trying to get Zach to- I mean Zachary , to have some food.” She rolled her eyes, noticing her partner's glare.
“You’re not a ‘Zach’, are you, lil guy?” Gumball cooed, gently tickling the kitten’s nose, prompting the tiniest sneeze. As Penny’s heart melted in the background, Gumball wiped the snot away with a tissue. “No, you’re no Zach, you’re not a widdle scumbwag, you’re actually wikable, aren’t you? Oh yes you awe, yes you awe!”
“ Oh, we can’t wait to properly meet our grandson! ” Judith squealed. “ You two better bring him over soon! ”
A string of bad luck had prevented the Fitzgeralds from meeting the newborn. When Zachary was born, Patrick had accidentally crashed the car on the way to the hospital, so they rescheduled. Then, a snowstorm had blocked both families in their homes. After that, Judith came down with a nasty baby-compromising cold. But now, Christmas had rolled around and nothing stood between the peanuts and the 3 week-old kitten.
“We will soon, Mom, we’re just dealing with a lot. We’re gonna leave in like, five minutes.”
“ Are you sure you don’t want us to come give you a hand? ”
“ Tell her about the present! ” Patrick’s voice chimed in from the background.
“What present?”
“ Ugh, I wanted it to be a surprise but your father has a gift he really wants to give Z-Z. ”
“Z-Z?”
“ It’s Polly’s nickname for him. I don’t think it’s that bad. You know, when you were little, your Grandma called you P-P. ”
Penny cringed. “Ew.”
“ Oh grow up, Pens. You guys were all my little P-Ps at one point. ”
“Mom, stop.”
“ Fine, fine. Just, hit the road soon? Please? ”
“Sure, Mom, I just need to finish the pie. We’ll go as soon as that’s done.”
“ You remembered to use mint oil, right? ”
“No! I told you, it’s an abomination!”
“ You weren’t saying that a few months ago… ”
As Penny and Judith debated, Gumball screwed the cap on Zachary’s bottle. “You hungry, buddy?” He purred, shaking it like a bartender. (The bottle, not the baby.)
As the cat tried to lower the milk to his son’s mouth, the kitten scrunched up his face, turning away. Gumball frowned. “Come on, you need to eat!”
“Nye!”
“C’mon!” The older feline zipped his hand around, trying to get the baby to drink, but the angry kitten refused, somehow dodging every try. At last, Zachary found a feeding position he was comfortable with and began to drink, his red-hot cheeks fading.
Gumball breathed a sigh of relief, only to be interrupted by a sharp ringing. “Is that my timer or yours?” Penny asked, Judith still blabbering in her ear.
“Mine!” Gumball responded. “Hey Zachy, that’s the cookies! Wanna help Daddy decorate them?”
Deciding handling hot goods was more urgent than feeding, the cat pulled the bottle out of his son’s mouth and began looking for oven mitts, only for the infant to start wailing in protest.
“WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”
“Okay, okay!” Gumball grimaced, putting the bottle back in. Zachary ceased crying immediately and continued sucking away. “Alright, you’re not done, I get it!” He looked back at the oven, smoke already starting to creep out.
“Can I just-” The cat tried adjusting his grip on the baby, but yet another sharp cry from his son put an end to that idea. Zachary liked how his dad was holding him, and wanted it to stay exactly the way it was.
“Penny, can you-”
“Don’t you dare bring up those potatoes!” The fairy yelled into her phone. “You set the oven too high, it was your fault! Anyway, I was only six!”
Gumball gulped. He had to get the cookies out of the oven, but he couldn’t adjust his hands at all. Oh, this was gonna hurt.
“Okay, sorry, I’m done, what did you- GUMBALL WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Penny shrieked as she saw Gumball repeatedly kick the cookie tray into the air like it was a soccer ball, all while holding their baby close to his chest, his arms perfectly still.
“Ow. Ow. Ow.” The feline winced with every kick. “Ow. Oh. Ow. Hey. Ow. Penny. Ow.”
The fairy threw on some oven mitts, catching the tray before it could touch her boyfriend’s feet again.
“What were you thinking?!” She cried. The fairy put the tray to one side and retrieved her baby, laying him in his carrier.
“Hey, those cookies had to come out.” Gumball shrugged. The cat was now sitting on the ground, rubbing his sore feet. “How else was I supposed to do it?”
Penny waved her hands in his face. “Maybe with your HANDS?!”
“But they were occupied!”
“With what?!”
Gumball pointed to the now snoozing baby. “He was finally eating. I didn’t wanna disturb him.”
“Gumball, I would’ve helped if I’d have known.”
“I didn’t wanna disturb you either!”
“Awww, you’re so sweet.” Penny smiled, sitting down next to him. “But you’re also a reckless dummy. You scared me for a second.”
“I didn’t mean to put Zachary in danger, I swear!”
“I wasn't worried about Zachary, you goof, I was worried about you!”
“Well, you should’ve been more worried about the baby!”
“The baby wasn’t the one kicking a burning hot tray in the air with his bare feet!”
“Yeah, well-”
The squabble was interrupted by another timer ringing. The noise stirred the sleeping kit, prompting another cry session. “Okay, that one’s mine.” Penny sighed, slinging her oven mitts on again. “Can you calm Zachary down and get him out to the car? I’ll be out in a sec. I just have to pull out this biohazard…”
“Sure thing.” Gumball purred, gently picking up his child. “Heyyy Zachy, it’s okay. Shhh shhh shhhh, it’s okay… see? Look at the silly daddy, isn’t he silly- okay you don’t like it, I get it, I’m sorry, Zacher!”
Penny chuckled to herself as the wailing slowly died down. She turned her attention back to the pie, carefully lifting it out and setting it on the stove. The fairy cringed as the smell hit her nose. This pie was awful, not in execution, but in design. Walnut, broccoli, banana and mince.
... Why had she made this?
Fourteen Years ago.
“Why did you make this?” Penny sniffed, almost vomiting at the pie’s smell.
“It’s tradition, sweetie.” Judith explained. “Every Christmas when we have a new family member, we make this. It’s a…. Welcome present, of sorts, to celebrate new life. We made one when you were born, and now we’re making one for your sister.
“But it’s so gross!”
“Well, you’ll just have to suck it up. Everyone else in the family likes it, and besides, tradition is more important than one fussy peanut girl's feelings.” She snickered teasingly.
“Penny!” Patrick called from the other room. “Get your shoes on, honey, we gotta go soon.”
The large peanut walked in, carrying his infant daughter. “Jude, have you seen her bottle? I can’t find it.”
“It’s on the counter.” Judith waved in its direction. “Penny, can you take this out to the car?” She handed the girl a plate of mashed potatoes, also infested with broccoli, and resumed rifling through the fridge.
“Fine.”
Patrick looked at the clock. “Honey, shouldn’t we-”
“-Get going?”
Penny snapped out of her trance, turning to see the cat poking his head in from the living room. “Huh?”
“I said, ‘shouldn’t we get going?’ Zachary’s all ready to go, I just need to pack your parents some cookies. Are you ready?”
“Uh, yeah… sure.” She picked the pie back up with her oven mitts. Gumball packed a few of his cookies into a paper bag, taking an extra few for the road and then sealing the rest away in the pantry. As his girlfriend passed, he caught a whiff of the pie, his cheeks instantly going green.
“Oh, sweetie… wowwww, it turned out…. great!”
“You don’t have to lie, Gumball. I know, it’s awful.”
“So why’d you make it?”
“Some stupid tradition we have.” Penny snorted, carrying it down the stairs. “Mom and Dad would’ve flipped if I didn’t.”
“They couldn’t have made one themselves?”
Penny pondered for a moment. “Gummy, I had to. Might as well, at this point. It’s been going for so many years. They made a pie to celebrate me, they made one to celebrate Polly, so I’ve made one to celebrate Zachary. Nothing more to it.”
Nudging the door open with her elbow, Penny stepped out onto the pavement, the chilly air making the fairy shiver a little. The couple’s car was parked out on the street, both back windows rolled down slightly with a contented kitten inside, half asleep.
She placed the abomination in the boot of the car, slamming the door, waking Zachary up. Gumball leaned over from his seat. “I'm just saying, you seem upset about all this!”
“I'm not upset!” Penny cried, strapping herself into the passenger seat.“It’s just… a hassle.”
“So why are you doing it?”
“Because they’re my family. I owe it to them.” She motioned over to the door neighbouring their own. ‘Penny’s Paints and Patisserie’, their work-in-progress art store-cafe hybrid. “ We owe that to them.”
“Okay then. If you’re sure.” Gumball shrugged, plugging his own seatbelt in.
“I am!”
“Bweh.”
Penny looked behind her. Their kitten had let out a murmur before closing his eyes again, nestling into his car seat and letting out little snores. The young mother sighed, sympathetically. “Awww, sweetie. Did you have an accident?”
Gumball raised an eyebrow. “No? I just changed him.” Ignoring him, the fairy undid her seatbelt, climbing out of the car and unstrapping her son.
Penny picked Zachary up, startling the baby. She sniffed at him, pinching her nose. “Oh, yep, yes you did. Oh, poor baby. Come on, we should get you changed before you see Grammy and Grandpa.”
Gumball sniffed the air. “Penny, I can’t smell what you’re smelling. I told you, I just changed him!”
“Nono, this is a stinky baby. Aren’t you, honey?” She tickled at Zachary’s tummy, only prompting a look of confusion from the child instead of a giggle. “Babwuh?”
Penny marched back inside and up the stairs, holding Zachary at arms length. Gumball hastily chased after her. “You must be nose blind Gummy, he reeks!”
In the nursery, she laid the wriggling kitten down on the changing table. Doubtful, Gumball slouched against the door frame.
Penny undid Zachary’s diaper, pretending to be baffled by the cleanliness. “But, I’m sure he-”
“Penny-” Gumball was cut off by the fairy brushing past again.
“He must be hungry.”
“Couldn’t we feed him at your parents? Or in the car?”
“No, no, he likes eating here! Don’t you Zacker?”
“Penny.” Gumball gently grabbed her wrist, stopping the frantic mom in her tracks. “I can tell you don’t wanna go. So let’s just not go.”
“We have to though!” Penny proclaimed. “They want to meet Zachary!”
“Then why are you doing everything you can to delay it?”
“I-” Penny stammered. “I’m just nervous! I want them to see him but… I don’t want anything going wrong.”
“Well, then they can do it another day.” The cat made a scale motion with his hands. “Maybe some time that isn’t the most stressful day of the year?”
“Gumball, we can’t break tradition!”
“We very easily can.”
Penny looked around, desperate to find something to use as a counter. Her eyes settled on Gumball’s video camera. “What about that tradition, huh?” She scoffed, flicking a finger towards it. “Are you willing to break that?”
“Gladly.” The cat replied plainly, deflating the fairy’s entire argument. “I’ll happily record this on my phone if it means you’ll stop forcing yourself to do these things.”
Penny thought for a moment, torn inside.
“How about instead of following some tradition…” The cat caressed the fairy’s antlers. “…we just give Zachary a nice first Christmas, huh? Make a new tradition.”
Penny pondered. “I’ve never really had a quiet Christmas…”
“You’ve never had a baby before either. So, why don’t we give it a shot?” The feline held his cub up to his face, moving the baby’s lips with his fingers. “ Oh yes momwy, I don wanna eat your monstwosity pie. I wanna have some of daddy’s cookies.” Gumball faked a gasp, turning the kitten around to face him. “Wow Zachy, you’re speaking! And such wise words!”
“Goo…”
Penny sighed. “…Fine. Look. We’ll swing by them, say hello, show them the baby, give them the pie and leave, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Okay. Sounds like a plan.”
“Yaaaay!” Gumball cheered, gently bouncing his son up and down. “You hear that, buddy? We don’t have to see any of Mommy’s family engaging in pointless fighting, yaaaaay!”
Penny tried to suppress a smirk, before the realisation of her task did it for her. “I’ll call my folks…” she groaned.
Judith paced past the piles of presents and food, trying to find her currently ringing phone. “Pat, have you seen my phone?”
Polly, watching from the table, snickered. “Wow, Mom.” She giggled, typing something on her phone. “Entering Grandma mode already?”
Pepper, Patrick’s sister, poked her head in from the living room. “What are you missing, Jude?”
“My phone.” Judith muttered, patting her non-existent pockets. “Stupid thing just- Aha!” She found it, somehow concealed behind a pot of coffee. The peanut rolled her eyes. Likely one of her nieces or nephews had put the pot there, ignoring the device. Probably pesky little Peter.
Judith stepped out of the kitchen, away from the loud, gossiping in-laws chatting in the dining room and children playing in the den, and made her way out onto the porch.
“Penny, hey! Are you guys on your way?”
“ Yeah, soon, Mom… just had to take care of something… ”
“Oh? Sweetheart, is everything okay? Nobody’s hurt, or anything?”
“ No, Mom, we’re fine, but… I wanted to tell you guys something. ”
Judith gasped. “Honey, are you-”
“ Nope! ” She heard Gumball’s voice cut in. “ Sorry Judith, we’re on a baby hiatus right now, Zachary is more than enough. ”
“Oh.” The peanut was a little disappointed. “So, what did you have to tell us then? If you could make it quick, that’d be great, dinners in the oven and I’d rather not burn it this year.”
“ Gumball and I… we decided we don’t really want to do the whole big Christmas dinner thing. We are still coming, just to be clear! But, we’re not gonna stay long. Just wanna say hello and then leave. ”
“I see.” Judith nodded. “Gumball’s family wants you over so badly, huh?”
“ No, we’re not even going to see them, Mom, just you guys. We decided we just want Christmas for us to be nice and quiet, most of it at least. ”
“But Penny, the tradition. It’s how we’ve always done Christmas!”
“ I know, I know. But I think we just wanna try our own thing. I hope you can understand. ”
The middle-aged peanut sighed. “Of course we do, Honey. It’s your life after all.”
“ Wow. Thanks Mom. ” Judith heard Penny sniff away a tear. “ We’re just strapping Zachy in now. I promise, we’ll be over soon. ”
“Ok, sweetheart. Love you.”
“ Love you too. ”
As she hung up, Judith heard the creaking of the door behind her. An elderly peanut in a wheelchair edged herself outside. “Hey Judy.” She smiled. “Who was that?”
“Just Penny, Mom.”
“Ooo, is she bringing over my great-grandson?”
“Yep. Just for a little bit.”
“Just a little bit?” Beatrice asked. “Are she and Gumball not staying for dinner?”
“Apparently not. She says she just wants a quiet Christmas, whatever that means.”
Beatrice’s face softened. “Ahh. I know what that’s like.”
“You do?”
“Please, can you really blame someone for wanting to get away from all… this?” She jerked a thumb towards the door.
Raised voices sounded out from inside, the results of another typical Fitzgerald argument about the true colour of blueberries.
“Yeah, but, the traditions…” Judith moped. “Pat is gonna be disappointed.”
“Sweetie, know what one of your Grandma’s traditions was? We weren’t allowed pancakes on Christmas. Only Christmas! And when you came along, I made you guys pancakes every Christmas.”
“I’m not seeing your point.”
“Some traditions don’t stick, some do. Sometimes change is for the best.”
Judith scoffed, smirking. “No idea you could channel the holiday special vibe, Mom.”
“No offense, darling, but if you think that was corny, take another look at the family you married into.”
“Yep. Patrick’s my cornball though.” Judith sighed. “I should get inside. Don’t want anything burning. Thanks for this talk, Mom.”
“Anytime.” Beatrice wheeled out of her daughter’s way before following her inside.
“So, why aren’t we seeing your parents?” Penny asked, tilting her head at the driver.
“The Watterson Christmas is cursed.” Gumball said, bluntly. “Started when we accidentally ran Santa over.”
“Huh?”
“Then there was the year we flooded our basement with candy canes.” The cat noticed the look of pure bafflement on his girlfriend’s face. “ Melted candy canes.”
“Sounds sticky.”
“It was. Then the year our tree got stolen by bikers. Pretty much every Christmas dinner we had, something went wrong. Lasers, solar eclipse, late homework. We just decided to turn Christmas into sending each other some nice texts and a quick meal on our own, and hey, it works.” He squinted his eyes, looking at the street signs. “Hey, how close are we again? I can never remember, these streets all look the same.”
Penny took a deep breath. Then another, and another, and another.
“Pen, relax.” Gumball said, reassuringly, his eyes still focused on the road. “They’re your parents. I thought you guys were on good terms?”
“I am, but it’s not them. It’s everyone else. So many aunts, uncles, cousins. And they are all so nosey.”
“Pff, can’t be that bad.”
“Oh yeah? I visited my parents when I was about 5 months pregnant. My Aunt Patricia was there and she completely lost it when I said I wasn’t drinking grapefruit juice. I had to have twelve glasses before I could leave. And I hate grapefruit!”
“Yeesh, never mind.”
Penny took a deep breath. “Give them the pie, show them the baby, leave. Give them the pie, show them the baby, leave. Pie, baby, leave. Pie, baby, leave.”
“Yes. That’s still our plan, babe. It has not changed since you ran through it 30 seconds ago.”
Gumball signalled a left turn, glancing in the rearview mirror to see Zachary half-asleep, his head leaning against his car seat. “You think they’ll like him?”
“What?” Penny snorted. “Of course they will! Why wouldn’t they?”
“Well, He’s not a peanut.”
“Neither are you. And I stopped being one 10 years ago. Not really a big surprise that our baby isn’t a peanut.”
“Yeah, but, didn’t you say the rest of your family are, you know, really traditional? Like, will they think we’re poisoning the bloodline or something?”
“Gumbear. When I say they’re traditional, all I mean is that they care about pulling out chairs and what colour the tablecloths are at our wedding and stuff.”
“But we’re not mar-”
“And that’s why we’re not telling them, okay, honey ?”
“I thought that wasn't a big deal to them?”
“You’d think so, but Dad said to mind it around Uncle Paxton. He apparently lost his mind when I was born. So, I'm playing it safe.”
“Oh, right.” Gumball nodded. “We should really talk about doing that, huh?”
“Once this is over, sure. Right now, I need to brace myself.”
The car pulled into a spot on the street outside the Fitzgerald’s house. Penny massaged her forehead again.
“Pie, baby, leave.” She whispered, taking another deep breath, and opening her car door.
Patrick caught a glimpse of something red pulling up outside. Peeking through the curtains, he was greeted by the sight of a blue cat struggling to remove a baby from a booster seat in the back of the vehicle, only to be pushed aside by a disappointed fairy.
“Judith, they’re here!”
“How does this thing work?” Gumball grunted, tugging at the straps from the boot.
“I told you.” Penny tutted, unbuckling their son. “The strap goes out, then in, then sideways.”
Gumball continued to yank at the straps, before giving up. “Why are these so hard to undo?”
“Child proofing.”
“The child isn’t gonna be back here, only the parent! So why isn’t it… I dunno… parent un-proofed?!”
Zachary, stirred by his father’s growling, began to whimper, reaching out to either adult for comfort. As Gumball finally got the strap undone, Penny gently picked the baby up and began rocking him back and forth. “There, there, sweetie. It’s okay.”
Zachary yawned, nuzzling his head against her warm chest. Penny beamed. “Gummy, look!” She whispered. “Haven't we made the cutest baby ever?
Gumball, now holding Penny’s pie, shrugged. “I mean, I’ve seen your baby pictures. You were, still are, and always will be really cute. The cutest.”
“Nope.” Penny turned her nose up. “He’s cuter. He’s the cutest baby, aren’t you Zachy?”
“Eh, I’d say he's tied with you.” Said a third voice. The couple spun around to see their child’s grandparents walking down the driveway, various peanut family members observing from the porch. Tucked under the grandfather’s arm was a small red box with a gold ribbon.
“Patrick, Judith.” Gumball nodded respectfully. “I’d shake your hands, but as you can see, mine are kinda full.”
“Mom! Dad!” Penny beamed.
“I’m here too.” Polly waved, leaning out from behind her father.
“Yes yes, lovely seeing you both.” The greeting flew out of Judith’s mouth as quickly as it could, eager to cut to the chase. “Now, show us the baby. ”
Penny looked down at the snoozing bundle in her arms. Zachary slowly opened his eyes, staring straight back at his mother, oblivious to what was going on. The fairy’s gaze shifted back to her mother, her arms outstretched, making a ‘gimme’ motion. Various aunts, uncles and cousins she’d forgotten about watched, eager to see the three generations bridged.
“Here, Mom.” Penny smiled, passing the precious package over to her proud parents. “Meet Zachary Watterson.”
Judith took the baby, gasping as she saw his face. Zachary yawned again, prompting a collective ‘Awwww’ from the porch members.
Patrick peeked over his wife’s shoulder. Zachary was a near spitting image of his father, only with a pair of wings like his mother’s.
“Oh… hello sweetie…” Judith choked out. She began to shake, Patrick dropping his present to rush in and take the infant off her hands. Zachary giggled, excited about being passed around so much.
“Mom, are you okay?” Penny asked, grabbing her shoulder.
“I’m fine, Pen, it’s just… I can’t believe I’m actually a grandma…”
“Hey, little cutie.” Patrick cooed, tickling his grandson's chin. “Oh I’m so happy to meet you!”
Zachary, in return, simply licked Patrick’s face. The older peanut blinked in surprise as the parents snickered. “Oh we forgot to tell you.” Gumball chuckled. “We found out he likes licking people. A lot.”
“Seems he likes peanuts.” Penny giggled. “Apparently I taste like strawberry to him. According to Gumball.”
“The mouth doesn’t lie, Penny.”
Patrick let out a nervous laugh, holding his now hungry grandson out at a distance. “Heh… cute…” Zachary stuck his tongue out, trying to get another taste of the large thing holding him, given it had provided a nice change from the boring milk Mom and Dad had been giving him.
“Hey, my turn!” Polly reached for the baby. Patrick gently passed him over, the teenager recoiling slightly after feeling her nephew’s weight. “Wow, he’s so light.” She balanced him on one arm, tickling his tummy with her free hand.
“Polly!” Judith snapped, snatching him back. “He’s not a toy! Be careful with him.”
“No fair, you already got to hold him!”
“Okay, I’m taking him back.” Penny intervened, swiping her child. “I haven’t had enough time with him.”
“He’s been practically glued to you since he was born, Pen.” Gumball frowned.
“Still not enough.” Penny huffed. “This lil munchkin should be with me at all times.”
“Hey, where is everyone?! What is all dis hubbub?” A gruff voice called from inside. Patrick sighed, Judith rolled her eyes, Penny and Polly cringed. Every other family member wished they were anywhere else.
A wrinkled peanut with a cane came stomping out the front door. “Patty, what are all of you doing out here? Why didn’t anyone wake me?”
“We tried, Dad.” Patrick groaned. “You just went back to sleep.”
“Bah.” The centenarian scoffed. “Well, it’s not like you made it out to be important! You should have properly woken me!”
To say Potrick Fitzgerald was a grouchy man was an understatement. Generations of in-laws had tried to form a bond, but he was a tough nut to crack. Due to a tragic misspelling on his birth certificate, the ancient peanut had changed his last name and formed the rest of his life out of spite, before disappearing from the family entirely. Noone had told him he could just change his first name. Or that he had changed his surname from Fitzgerald to Fitzgerald.
After decades alone sulking on an island, he had suddenly returned, and now insisted on being invited to every Fitzgerald event, a request no one could deny because… well, where else could they put him. And now, everyone was standing around this weird bulb looking girl and some mis-coloured cat.
“Junith!” The senior barked, waving his cane in the couple’s direction. “Who’s this?”
“That’s our daughter, Penny and her, um, husband, Gumball.”
“Your daughters blue?”
“The blue one is Gumball, Dad.” Patrick corrected.
“Hmph. Yes, of course.” He shifted his attention to Penny. “Then who’s this?”
“Our daughter… still.”
“But where’s her- YOU LET HER OUT OF HER SHELL??!!”
“Ten years ago, Potrick!” Judith huffed.
“Patrick?! My name is Potrick, young lady!”
“That’s what I said!”
“Bah, I can’t waste time with your pronouncey action game! Why is that girl not in her shell? Why’d no one tell me?!”
“Maybe because they knew you’d act like this.” Pepper snorted.
“Dad, it’s a different time, this is all old news.” Patrick soothed.
“And I think you’re forgetting that she’s holding your great-grandson.” Judith chipped in.
Potrick’s scowl faded a little. “Great-grandson?”
“Yeah Grandpa.” Penny held Zachary up, letting the old man see the little ball of joy. “Come meet Zachy.”
Potrick hobbled his way down the stairs. “Wow… I- I can’t believe it… I’m a great grandfather…”
He spun around, pointing his cane towards Pepper’s wife, Margaret. “In! Yer! Face! Ye said I wouldn’t live this long! Well, guess who’s still alive?!”
“Congrats…” Margaret murmured, giving a pitiful clap.
“Now, Pelly.” Potrick turned back to his granddaughter. “Did ye bring the Ol’ Fitzgeral pie?”
“Yes, we did!” Gumball chirped, handing him the foul smelling dish. “Here!”
Potrick examined the pie, scanning it for errors. Judith, Patrick and various other members of the family watched from over his shoulder as he stuck a finger in, testing the flavour.
“Hmmm, lil dry but, practice makes perfect.”
Judith took a taste herself. “Mmm, not bad.”
“Eh.” Potrick shrugged. “On yer next kid, it’ll be- hey, where’d they go?”
The family looked around for the trio, only to see the faint outlines of smoke and black tire marks burned into the street.
“Awww.” Beatrice groaned. “I don’t get to see him?”
The car suddenly screeched back up. The cat leapt out, dashed over and placed the baby on her lap.
“Oh!” The great-grandma smiled, stroking the confused kitten. “Hello there!”
“Happy?” Gumball asked, counting the seconds.
“Yep.”
“Cool.” He and Zachary sprinted back to the car, tearing off again.
“Phew!” Penny sighed, melting into the driver’s seat. “Glad that is over!”
“Yeah…” Gumball groaned. “I could practically feel the judgy stares.”
“Tell me about it… you think they’re mad we didn’t name him something starting with a P?”
“Pff.” The cat scoffed. “What names are left? Pansley?”
“Paddy?”
“Patagonia?”
“Petunia? Presto- oh shoot we forgot Dad’s present!”
Gumball looked back. “Awww cra- hey, wait, no we didn’t.”
“What?”
The cat jerked his thumb towards the back seat. Next to Zachary was the small red box Patrick had been holding. Gumball scratched his head. “How’d he get it in? He didn’t even get near the car.”
Penny shrugged. “No idea. Let’s just chalk it up to some weird grandpa power?”
“I dunno. It just seems… nonsensical.” The talking blue cat said to his glowing shape-shifting fairy girlfriend.
“Eh, we’ve seen stranger things-”
“Great show by the way-”
“But enough about that, what do you wanna do for the rest of the day?”
“Dunno, wanna just see what’s on TV while we open presents?”
“Works for me.”
~
“Okay, rolling!” Gumball pointed his phone towards the fairy.
“Hiiii, Zachy!” Penny smiled, waving into the camera. “Or uhh, whatever you wanna be called! It’s me, Mommy! I know you’re probably watching this as a teenager with your gwumpy widdle attitude and stwingy widdle mustache, but we wanna show you something! Gummy, pan it over.”
Gumball turned the phone to face Zachary in his playpen, capturing the newborn as he tried to eat his gift’s ribbon. “Zachy, no!” Penny rushed into the pen, yanking it out of his mouth.
At first, the baby was upset at the loss of his snack, but was quickly soothed by Mommy’s presence. “Recognise this little guy?” She grinned, reaching down to tussle her baby’s hair. “Just know, honey. No matter how big you get, or whatever you do, this is who you’ll be to us. And we’ll always love you for it…. Gumball, are you crying?”
“Yes.” He choked. “Keep going…”
“That’s your dad, kid. Always remember, he can be a real softie.” She put a hand over her mouth, inconspicuously whispering. “He’s the one you harass for money.”
“Don’t listen to your mother, Zachy.” The cat interjected.
“Anyway, the reason why we’re recording this,” Penny went on. “We wanna capture your first gift ever. Gummy, give me the phone.” The camera shook and rolled around as it was passed between the parents exchanging places in the pen. Finally, the blue cat was now in frame.
“Heya, kiddo!” The feline imitated the fairy’s wave. “Check this out.” He smirked, holding up the small red box. “Your awesome grandpa Patrick gave you this.”
He crouched down to his son, offering him the gift. “Wanna try and open it?”
Zachary merely took this as a cue to resume biting the ribbon off, unaware he was still toothless. After a few moments of ‘biting’ (drooling all over) the ribbon, the baby relented, confused by the lack of progress.
Gumball rolled his eyes, chuckling. “Alright I’ll open it. But you loosened it up for me.” He effortlessly pulled the drool-smothered ribbon off, taking the gift’s lid with it. Zachary, intrigued by the new thing bigger than him, cooed, which Gumball took as a sign he wanted to get closer, eagerly obliging.
The baby, naturally, lacked the strength to pull the box onto its side. But it didn’t stop the little Watterson from trying. Or the big Watterson from nudging it over without the boy noticing.
The cat gasped. “Penny, did you see that?” He cried. “Our baby’s so strong!”
Penny faked surprise. “I know, right?!” She clutched her heart. “We’re raising a little athlete!” She brought the camera closer to Zachary. “What did Grandpa get you, honey pie?”
“Bab wah!”
The fairy flipped the camera, holding it so it captured her and her baby. One arm outstretched while holding the phone, still recording everything, she peeked inside the box, gasping at the sight. Genuinely this time.
The fairy pulled out a small bear shaped soft toy. Seemingly store bought, with one notable adjustment; a pair of antlers attached to the head.
Penny brushed aside a tear, handing it to the infant. “Here you go, sweetie.”
Zachary, lacking the proper motor skills to hold it, let the toy fall to the ground. However, this seemed to still entertain him, if his squeals were anything to go off.
“Hey Pen, I didn’t quite get a good shot of it. Can you show it again?” Gumball nodded towards the toy. Penny reached for the doll, but as her fingers touched fabric, Zachary began bawling as loud as possible.
The parents’ hands clamped over their ears as their baby shrieked and wailed at the loss of the toy he couldn’t touch. “Okay, okay, you can keep it!” Penny winced, placing the bear back on Zachary, immediately pacifying him.
“Goo.” He babbled, licking at the toy’s head. Penny sighed, stepping out of his playpen. “He loooooves his lil tantrums.”
“I’m sure we’ll get used to it.”
“He really likes what Grandpa gave him, doesn’t he?” She watched as the kitten lay there, his mouth sucking on the bear’s arm.
“Mhm.” Gumball nodded, scratching his chin. “But is it because he likes the toy? Or the taste?”
“Who knows.” Penny yawned, stretching her arms over her shoulder. “So, what do you wanna watch? We could see if there’s some Christmas special on.”
“Sure, that sounds nice.” Gumball smiled. “What do you want to do for dinner?”
“Eh, what do we have that you can make?” Penny plopped herself onto the couch. “I don’t think many places are open on Christmas.”
“Well, I think we got spaghetti, burger patties, ice cream, sausages.”
“Hmm, those all sound good...”
“You’re not asking me to combine them, are you?”
“No, I’m not pregnant anymore.” She cringed, remembering the abominations her stomach demanded.
“Well, anything in particular you want?”
Penny rubbed her chin for a few seconds, until she was struck by an idea.
“I’ve got it!” She cried. “Go downstairs, wait for me there.”
“What? But there’s no food down there, there’s only ingredients to make food!”
“Just go, go!” She nudged him towards the door. “Wait behind the counter, I’ve got something to give you.”
“Is it dinner?”
“You’ll see, just go!”
“Fine, fine!” The fairy grinned deviously as the cat rushed down the stairs. She crept over to their closet, a temporary storage space for their boxes of old mementos and trinkets. Penny dug through until at last, she found a small box.
The thought had been in her mind for a while, but she figured now was a better time than ever. Pocketing it, she scurried back over to where her son lay, still obsessed with staring at his new bear friend.
“Hey there, Zachy.” She whispered to him. “Wanna help me give Daddy his present?”
“Mem.”
“Okay then!” She picked him up, placing him gently on her shoulder. “Let’s just get those lil clothes changed!” The fairy’s nose wrinkled as a foul smell hit it. “And… that… changed.”
Wow, being a parent had nothing but perks.
~
Gumball rapped his fingers against the counter in succession, resting his head on his other hand. It had been five minutes since Penny had sent him down here, and he was beginning to get impatient four minutes and forty two seconds ago.
He looked around the store. His part, the cafe, was mostly finished; the stove was installed, they had bought a bunch of non-perishable ingredients, the electricity was set up, and a week ago they had received their brand new fridge and freezer.
Penny’s part, the art store, was sorely lacking in comparison. All she had been able to do was paint the wall but that just felt like basic restoration. Only a few of her art supplies had been shipped and most of her paintings were still yet to be unpacked from them moving in. However, one had been hung up on the wall; her painting of two sailors battling a giant wave.
Gumball smiled as he caught sight of it. Looking at it always made the couple happy, a testament to how special their relationship was. School sweethearts staying together was far from rare, but most crumbled the second a child was brought in.
But Penny freed Gumball, and Gumball had freed Penny. And Zachary was merely a booster to their love, showing the world what they could do together. The cat was nothing if not committed to what he loved. And he loved Penny and Zachary with twice his heart.
The loveable dork and the hot mess. And Zachy, their little-
“Why, hello there, handsome!” A fairy with a large hat burst in, a fake fur coat draped across her shoulders, and a baby in a picnic basket around her elbow.
She tilted down her gilded sunglasses, batting her eyes at the clueless cat. “Ah hear this is the hottest new cafe in town and of course, me and little ol Mickey here had to come check it out!” Whoever this person was, their southern accent was flawless, absolutely no hint of sarcasm in that statement. Gumball clearly couldn’t recognise the yellow fairy or her blue cat baby.
“Oh, uh, sure… ma’am?” He chuckled, unsure what to say. “What can I get you?”
“Ah, hmmm, well shoot, ah ain’t sure. Here, while ah decide, can you get my little honey darling some milk?”
“Oh, sure! Uhhh, one sec.” He crouched down, checking the cupboards for anything the baby would eat. Random as it may sound, baby food finding its way down here wasn’t too far out of the realm of possibility when it came to Gumball, if the bath bombs behind the counter were anything to go off.
“Oh, thank you, it’s perfect!” The stranger clapped, interrupting the search. Gumball stood up, confused. A bottle of baby milk had suddenly appeared in front of her while the cat wasn’t looking. Clearly provided by said cat.
“Ok, drink up now, little pardner!” She cooed. ‘Mickey’, albeit confused, started drinking away, quickly forgetting he had been briefly bamboozled.
“Now, for me.” She scratched her cheek, looking at the non-existent menu. “Aw dang, ah can’t decide! Can you just bring me whatever today’s special is?”
“Our special?” Gumball raised an eyebrow. “We don’t have any specials.”
“Oh, surely there’s something! Just, make whatever you feel like.”
“Whatever I feel like…” The cat scratched his chin, his eyes browsing his pantry. Tomato sauce, more tomato sauce, breadcrumbs. A tomato sauce sandwich? No, that’s stupid.
But wait, upstairs there was- Ohohoho. “Be right back!” The stranger heard the feline cry as he darted out of the store. Moments later, he came back carrying a box of ingredients, smirking to himself before disappearing into the kitchen.
The newcomer felt an urge to shield her baby as an orange glow emitted from the dividing kitchen window. She heard sparks fly, drills whir and hammers thud, all accompanied by an evil dark cackling.
A few minutes passed and the door swung open. Gumball carried out a stereotypical silver platter, laying it in front of the fairy.
“To you, total stranger, I present: Penny’s Paints and Patisserie’s first Special dish!”
He lifted the lid to reveal a plate of… well…
“This is spaghetti.”
“Uh, no?” Gumball shook his head. “Well, it is spaghetti, yes, but instead of meatballs I used sausages. And the sauce is a homemade salsa combined with typical crushed tomatoes. And!” He added, proudly. “I fried the whole thing in chicken batter.”
“Sounds… delicious.” The fairy tried to force a smile, anxiously reaching for her fork.
“Go on, try it!” Gumball grinned.
The stranger nodded, scooping up a pitiful amount, hesitantly raising it up to her mouth.
You can just spit it out, you can just spit it out.
At last, she took the bite, anticipating an awful taste. But, she found herself pleasantly surprised.
“Mm! Mmm!” She eagerly forked up more, stunned by the sheer deliciousness. “Why… why is that so good?!”
“Because I’m an amazing cook, Pen- ma’am.”
“Heck yes you are!” The fairy swallowed another forkful. As if he could smell it, ‘Mickey’ began to whimper, jealous of his mother getting to eat something so tasty. “Aw, sorry honey, you’ll have to wait. But don’t worry, I’m sure Daddy will make this for you some day.”
“Oh, is your husband a good cook?”
“He’s meh.”
“Ah.” He watched the fairy wolf down the meal. “You probably shouldn’t eat more than a few bites. The calorie count is somewhere in the thousands.”
“Who cares?!” The stranger licked her fingers. “This is delish!
“Glad you enjoyed it because, well, I'll probably never make it again.”
“What?! Why?!”
“Because it’s an artery hardening machine!”
“Oh it’s fine! I’ve had way worse fast food than this!”
“Fast food doesn’t do that! ” He pointed to the deep fried leftovers, the grease already leaking out onto the counter, sweeping a pair of salt and pepper shakers away. “I think the batter was overkill.” Before his customer could take another bite, Gumball swiped the plate, dumping it into the trash.
“Why’d you do that?!”
“Penny, I don’t want to risk you having a heart attack!”
Penny, dropping the act, grabbed Gumball by the collar. “ It would be worth it .”
She released the cat, composing herself. “And I mean, who’s Penny?”
The feline rolled his eyes. “So, ma’am , anything else I can get you?”
“Just the check, please.”
“Certainly.” He scribbled a line on a napkin, sliding it to her. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Mighty kind, thank you.” The stranger patted her pockets. “Gummy, do you have twenty bucks?” The cat discreetly slid the note across the counter.
“Here you go!” The fairy handed the money back to Gumball. “Keep the change, pardner.”
“Oh, how generous of you.”
The stranger donned her sun hat, picked up her kitten and strutted out, blowing kisses to the chef. A few seconds later, Penny strode in with Zachary on her shoulder.
“Wow, did you see that? A really pretty woman just left!”
“Yeah,” Gumball smirked. “And another one just came in.” He snickered amusedly to himself, gathering up the used cutlery. “So, what did you want me to do for dinner?”
“Oh! Right, that!.” Penny smacked her forehead. “I forgot all about that. I just made myself a sandwich.”
“Oh, okay. Did you feed Zachy?”
“Of course I did!”
“Then… why are you down here exactly?”
The fairy just shrugged. “Maybe to give you this?” She produced a small green box. “I realised we got so wrapped up in Zachy’s gift, we forgot what we got each other.”
“Heehee, wrapped up.” Gumball chuckled, taking the present and tearing it open, finding only yet another small box. Although this one was velvety and black, and clearly split in the middle. “Oh, I get it. It’s like one of those Russian doll things-” Just as he was about to peer inside the second box, the fairy grabbed it off of him. “Hey!”
“Hold on there, Gummy.” She smirked. “Before you see what I got you, I gotta see what you got me.”
“But of course, dear Penelope.” The cat looked around. “Let me just… find where I put it…”
“You kept it down here?”
“Uh, yeah? Otherwise you’d find it, silly!” Gumball scoffed, rifling through the various pots and pans.
“Hm, touché.”
“Aha!” The cat finally found it, a small pink envelope. “Here you go!” He handed it to his girlfriend.
Penny ripped it open and gasped. Two VIP tickets to a concert of her favourite band: The Twin Strawberries.
“Wow!” Pennys eyes bulged. “Honey, this is amazing! How’d you manage these?!”
“Maybe I just know the right people.” The cat winked. “Or y'know, a certain wacky adventure took place that led to me and the event organisers in a perilous situation and I ended up saving them through sheer dumb luck.”
“Oh, so just a regular Tuesday evening for you then.” The fairy shrugged, looking at the box in her other hand. “Kinda makes my gift lame.” She tossed it over to Gumball. “Go ahead, open it.”
“Alright!” The cat grinned. “Time to see what-”
His jaw dropped. Inside was a silver ring, with a drawing of a certain blue cat's face.
“Penny, what is-”
He turned around, expecting Penny to be level with him. But strangely, she was crouched down on one knee.
“Guess I beat you to it, huh?”
Gumball felt the tears pool. “I- are you-”
“Gumball Watterson, will you marry me?”