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Haise woke up in a cold sweat. For a moment after he opened his eyes, he still saw the scene from his nightmares. He was in a dark tunnel filled with water and there was someone in front of him that he couldn’t make out and there was so much blood…
He tore off his shirt and flung it across the room, convinced that the sweat that was causing it to cling to his skin was dirty water and blood. He blinked a few times, panting and slowly regaining his senses.
He was in his room. The room was dark except for the moonlight streaming in from his window. But more importantly, it was familiar and it was safe. He wasn’t a monster, killing someone in some dark tunnel, he was just Haise Sasaki and he was cold and shirtless and shivering.
He tried to shake the idea of killing someone out of his mind. Because of course that was what he was doing in his dream, and he could only pray that it was just something he had conjured out of his darkest fears and not a memory that lay buried in his mind.
Still shaking, he got up and put on a sweater. He had no intention of going back to bed anytime soon, and headed to the kitchen to get a drink of water.
He almost had a heart attack when he saw someone was already in there.
“Hide!” Haise nearly shouted but managed to turn it into a kind of undignified squeak. “What are you doing up?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” Hide raised his eyebrows. “I decided to make myself a sandwich,” he added, raising the sandwich in his hands to show Haise.
“Oh.” Haise was a little embarrassed, but in his anxious and exhausted state he had pretty much forgotten Hide was staying over. This was at least partially because he always made Hide stay in the guest bedroom despite Hide’s constant hints that he would prefer sleeping in Haise’s room. He didn’t really want to deal with the squad finding out about them just yet.
“Uh, good morning?” Hide said.
Snapping out of his reverie, Haise checked the clock. It was indeed almost five in the morning.
Groaning a little, he went to the sink to get some water and sat down at the table next to Hide.
“You okay?” Hide asked.
“Yeah,” Haise lied instantly, touching his chin. “I just had a little trouble falling asleep-”
“Haise,” Hide said firmly. “I can tell when you’re lying to me.”
“How?” Haise demanded. Hide had the uncanny ability to tell whenever he was lying, and he still couldn’t figure out how he managed to do it. It was really starting to frustrate him.
Hide just smiled and winked, “It’s a secret.”
“I bet you just guess every time…”
“So little faith in me, I’m hurt,” but he was still smiling. “Now, come on, tell me what’s up.”
Haise knew that Hide would just persist until he told him, so he said, “It’s not a big deal, I just had a bad dream. It happens all the time.”
He sincerely wished he hadn’t added that last part. It had just sort of slipped out. Now Hide looked more concerned than ever.
“All the time?” Hide frowned. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I think it’s just stress, you know?”
Hide wasn’t buying it. “Is it always the same dream?”
“No, well… sometimes,” He wished he hadn’t said anything. “I have a couple dreams that just sort of… repeat.”
“What was this one about?”
When he saw the look on Haise’s face, Hide added gently “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s just… to be honest, you look terrible.”
“Thanks,” Haise said dryly.
“I just mean that it clearly really bothered you, and if it would help you to talk about it…”
Haise sighed. He supposed he might as well just tell him at this point.
“I’ve had this dream a few times now,” Haise started slowly. “It’s been happening more recently, too. I’m in a dark tunnel filled with water, and there’s someone in front of me that’s bleeding really badly and I…I think I killed them,” Haise’s voice was almost a whisper when he finished.
Haise wasn’t sure what he had expected Hide to say to that, but he was a little hurt when he was greeted with silence. After all Hide’s bothering him to open up, he was scared off when he heard about how much of a monster he was in his own dreams.
Haise turned to Hide, unsure of what to say, but found himself speechless when he saw the look on Hide’s face.
He had seen people described as being “ashen-faced” in books before, but he had never really had a clear visual for it until now. Hide looked as though all colour had been drained out of him. Haise had been expecting him to look afraid or disgusted, but his expression was almost guilty.
“H-Hide?”
“You said you’ve been having this dream more often lately?”
“Yeah…”
It wasn’t Haise’s imagination. Hide really did look guilty and he couldn’t begin to imagine why. It wasn’t Hide’s fault that he was a monster.
“Try not to worry about it,” Hide said. “It’s just a dream, right?”
“How can I not worry about it?” Haise snapped. “For all I know this isn’t just a dream, what if it actually happened ?” Hide winced at those words but Haise didn’t feel sorry. For the first time since they’d met, Haise was angry at Hide. There was no way he could possibly understand how it felt, to not be able to tell if what he was seeing in his dreams was actually a memory. “What if I killed someone?”
“You didn’t kill him,” Hide said quietly.
“I could taste his blood in my mouth when I woke up.”
Haise regretted saying that instantly. Hide looked shocked and, if Haise was honest, he was shocked that those words had come out of his mouth. There was no taking them back now, and if Hide hadn’t thought he was a monster before then-
Hide pulled Haise into a hug. Haise was so shocked that Hide wasn’t running away from him, was actually holding him, that he couldn’t bring himself to hold him back. He just buried his face in Hide’s shoulder as Hide rubbed his back.
“I know you’re not going to believe me when I say this,” Hide said gently. “Because you’re you and you always worry about everything. But I promise you that whoever that person was in your dream is fine.”
“But-”
“You’re not a killer. It was just a dream.”
Hide had been right that Haise would never believe him, but something in Hide’s voice, in the way he was holding him so fiercely yet so gently at the same time, made him want to believe it.
And maybe that was good enough for now, Haise thought, as he finally wrapped his arms around Hide and returned his embrace.
After Hide (finally and begrudgingly) let him out of the hug, they sat in silence for awhile. Hide finished his sandwich and Haise rested his head on his shoulder.
“We should probably go back to bed,” Hide mumbled. “Or we will be completely useless tomorrow.”
“Mmm,” Haise replied. He was already half-asleep and reluctant to move.
“Up,” Hide nudged him gently. “I’m not strong enough to carry you to bed.”
“Fine,” Haise straightened up reluctantly, rubbing his eyes. He hesitated, but he decided there was nothing left to be embarrassed about and said, “Will you sleep with me?”
Haise cringed at the way he sounded like a pleading child, but Hide merely looked at him in surprise and said “Aren’t you worried about what your squad will think?”
“I’m too tired to worry. I can deal with that in the morning.”
“I never thought I’d see the day when you stopped worrying about something” Hide teased, and then added more gently, “Of course I will.”
“Thank you,” Haise smiled.
Haise was so exhausted that he barely had time to cuddle up next to Hide before he fell asleep. Haise was a little embarrassed in the morning to find that he was using Hide’s shoulder as a pillow again (and Hide was, of course, already awake and burst out laughing when he saw Haise’s face go red).
But, for once, Haise’s dreams hadn’t been filled with blood and darkness. He was a little annoyed that he couldn’t remember it, but he was sure he had had a good dream. He had felt warm and safe, and he was sure Hide had been in it.