Work Text:
Remus Lupin stared at the ceiling.
It was cracked in one corner, a soft web of hairline fractures above his dorm bed. He'd counted them so many times he could trace them with his eyes shut. There were seven. Eight if he included the tiny one near the light fixture.
He could hear Lily typing away furiously across the room. Her laptop keys clacked with intention, like she was arguing with it. "Your thesis is going to bite someone." Remus murmured.
Lily didn't even pause. "Good, I hope it does."
Remus smiled faintly and turned onto his side. The fairy lights Lily had strung over her bed were lit up in a shade of pink. That's the color she used when she was in a good mood.
"Are you going to the party tonight?" She asked after a moment, closing her computer. "No." Remus sighed.
"You didn't even think about." Lily frowns and turns to face her best friend. "I did, that's why I said no. They're way too loud and way too sweaty." Remus replied.
Lily snorted, not being able to argue with that logic. "Sirius will be there."
Remus blinked, "Is that a name or a warning?"
"A bit of both."
Lily stood, stretching in that dramatic way she always had, like she was reaching for the sun. Then she walked over and dropped some random band T-shirt on his stomach. "Come with me."
Remus stared at the shirt like it personally offended him even though it was one of his favorites. "I don't even know who this 'Sirius' person is."
"Exactly. You haven't met Sirius yet. He's a cultural experience. Like going to the Louvre, expect it smells like perfume and angst."
Remus raised an eyebrow, but sat up, "You're not exactly selling this."
"He's James's best friend." She says, this time more gently. "And kind of gorgeous. You'd really like him."
Remus bit the inside of his cheek. That didn't mean anything if this Sirius guy didn't like him back. He wasn't good at meeting people. He wasn't good at people, period. The only person he ever met that could put up with his nerves was Lily, and she was a blessing.
But Lily was already putting her shoes on, and he felt a soft pull in his chest. She never made him do anything. Just gave him a choice and looked at him like he was brave enough to say yes. He rarely was.
He stood up slowly, "Do I have time to panic first?"
"Always."
༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶
The music was too loud. Remus could feel it in his teeth. Bass-heavy, something electronic with just enough rhythm to disorient him if anyone so much as brushed against his shoulder.
He was nursing a cup of something strong while Lily tugged him along, through the crowd of drunks and dancers. She looked like she was on a mission, and Remus just prayed to whatever was up there that he wouldn't humiliate himself.
Lily caught James's eye across the room. "Hey!"
Remus immediately turned his head away, pretending to be extremely interested in his shoes as James and this mystery guy made their way over.
"Remus! This is Sirius! And Sirius, this is Remus." James beamed, but his smile didn't look completely innocent.
Remus looked up. And there he was.
Sirius Black. Leather jacket, cigarette tucked behind his ear, long unruly curls and cheekbones like he'd been crafted by the gods.
He gave Remus a grin that was too confident and too bright. "Hey! Good to finally meet the guy Lily is always telling me about."
Suddenly the air felt thick like syrup. Remus was uncomfortably aware of all his own flaws, his wiry frame and his too big t-shirt. He wanted to hide as his throat closed up.
"Um...hi."
"He's in my history class." Lily supplied, making up for the empty space Remus's words left. "And James's bandmate with that guy I mentioned, Peter."
"I play electric guitar." Sirius added, clearly proud of himself. And he should be. Remus thought to himself that if he looked like that, he'd be pretty damn cocky too.
Remus nodded slowly, his palms, which were clenching his cup, were sweating. "Cool."
Sirius leaned against the wall, all confidence and charm, "Lily says you write. What do you write?" He grinned as James and Lily got wrapped up in their own little love sick conversation.
Remus blinked. "Nothing." He said, immediately defensive, until he took a breath and then was able to say, "I mean, essays. And like, thoughts. Sometimes. It's not interesting."
"I doubt that." Sirius chuckled, and it took Remus a moment to realize Sirius wasn't laughing at him. He wanted to fold into himself like a camping chair.
Lily rejoined the conversation, rolling her eyes. "Remus is brilliant. He won't say it, but he is."
Remus glared at her, "Lily, please."
James laughed, "You two will like each other. You're both insufferably deep."
Sirius smirked, looking delighted, "Are we being set up, right now?"
This made Remus flush furiously, because how could someone like Sirius even consider looking at someone like him. Lily didn't even blink. "Maybe. But if you were, this would be the perfect time for us to leave you to talk."
And with that, Lily and James were gone, just two bodies in the sea of people. Remus felt like he was being thrown overboard without a life jacket.
Sirius turned back to Remus with one raised eyebrow. "So wanna head out to the patio? It's boiling in here."
Remus smiled faintly, "Yeah." Sirius nodded, smirking like he knew exactly what Remus was thinking. "Good choice."
They went outside, and shut the door behind them, muffling the sound of the party. Remus exhaled slowly. "Better."
He sat down on the wooden steps and pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging himself. Sirius plopped down next to him, spread out and comfortable.
"You hate parties." Sirius said like a fact. His pale skin was practically glowing under the stars. Remus realized he'd never seen anyone more beautiful.
"Not really. Too many people. I only came because of Lily." He shrugged. They sat in a surprisingly comfortable silence for a moment. The breeze lifted Sirius's hair. Someone inside whooped loudly, but it felt far away now.
Sirius looked up at Remus. "You're different than what I expected."
Remus turned to him, startled. "Oh. I'm sorry..."
"No, no! I mean, Lily just raved about you, made you seem like you were so mysterious. But you're so...real." Sirius said, quickly recovering.
Remus blinked. "Real?"
"Yeah. You're not trying to be anything. Or anyone. I like that." Sirius smiled. Remus felt his ears burn. He felt like any moment now someone would pop out from behind the bushes and yell that this was all just a prank. That a gorgeous man like this would never speak to him.
Remus knew he wasn't good looking. At least not in the hypnotic way Sirius was, the firey way Lily was or the boyish way James was. He was just him, and that was okay. But being next to Sirius, feeling watched, sent a wave of shame through him.
Sirius shifted in his seat a little. He glanced at Remus and then pulled his phone out of the pocket of his leather jacket. "Hey this is random, but what music do you like?"
Remus couldn't help but smile at the question. "That's not random."
"Good, because that's how I test to see who's cool." Sirius teased. Remus gave him a sideways look, "So I'm being evaluated?"
"Absolutely." Sirius said, "This is a matter of life or death."
Remus grinned despite himself. "Okay. Uh, I like Bowie. He's my favorite."
Sirius's eyes grew as big as the moon. "Me too! He was my first crush and everything, I love him!"
Remus felt proud of himself, like this put him on a more even playing field with Sirius. "Here, you'd like this playlist." Sirius smiled and handed Remus his phone where Spotify was open.
The brown haired young man took it carefully, scrolling through the list of familiar songs and bands. One track stood out, "All the Young Dudes".
"I love this one." Remus smiled and clicked it. When Sirius grinned, there was something boyish behind it. "Knew it."
Inside, the party was raging, but out here, under the moon and the stars, something golden was brewing. Remus felt it no matter how much his brain tried to tell him it was made up.
Sirius tapped the rhythm of the song on his knee. "Do you dance?" Remus scoffed, the answer was obvious, "No."
"Want to?"
Remus looked at him for a long moment. Sirius tilted his head, holding his hand out with a lopsided grin. Remus knew immediately he'd never be able to turn down those lips. "I do."
Sirius stood, offering his palm out to help Remus up. "There's no one watching, c'mon." Remus stared at him for a second and then took his hand, even though he was shaking.
He stood slowly, acutely aware of how good Sirius smelled and how stupid he felt. He felt too tall and too awkward, but Sirius just smiled at him.
"Okay?" He asked. Remus nodded carefully. "Okay."
They swayed. Not really dancing, just sort of rocking gently, side to side in the dim light as Bowie's voice rang around them. Remus's pulse was in his ears and he was 99% sure his palms were drenched in sweat. His hands fell and landed instinctively on Sirius's waist.
Sirius smirked, amused. "You're nervous." "Very." Remus whispered, voice catching on the edge of a laugh. Sirius leaned in, just slightly. "Don't be. You're doing well."
Just then, Remus accidentally stepped hard on Sirius's foot and then apologized profusely. "Sorry! I'm so sorry, I'm a horrible dancer, I have two left feet."
Sirius simply laughed, "Don't worry, I prefer this type of dancing. Art should be messy, shouldn't it? My parents are the real old fashioned type, so I learned to dance before I could walk. So far, you're a better dancer than them. You have feeling in it."
Remus didn't say anything, he just smiled and allowed himself to relax. For once, he didn't feel like disappearing to somewhere else.
༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶
Even weeks later, Remus couldn't stop thinking about that night. About the stars, the way Sirius swayed with him and smiled, the way his waist felt under his sweaty palms.
They hadn't really talked since. They exchanged numbers and sometimes sent each other short messages or memes. One time Sirius sent him a voice memo and a link to a playlist he made with songs they both liked. Those texts always made Remus feel like he was floating. He'd listened to the voice memo alone five times now.
They'd seen each other in passing, at the dinning hall once, walking across campus, at a cafe. Sirius always waved. Sometimes he winked. Remus blushed every time without fail.
And now it was Saturday again.
Remus found himself sitting on the edge of a worn velvet couch in a bar that doubled as a cafe during the day time. The lights were dim and the floor was sticky, but all the things that would've made Remus's skin itch were drowned out by him.
He knew Sirius was in a band with James and Peter, but now, seeing him in the flesh, it was practically a religious experience.
Remus was here. Damp palms, bouncing knee, surrounding by strangers, but zeroed in on the boy with the chipped black nail polish and messy curls, leaning into the mic with a lazy grin.
"Alright!" Sirius said, his eyes scanning the small crowd before catching something...or someone. Remus's breath caught. "We're The Marauders!"
The audience cheered, but not Remus. He was too focused on the way Sirius's arm flexed as he adjusted his guitar strap on his shoulder. He watched as Sirius mouthed a quiet one, two, three to Peter, the drummer. And then they played.
It was loud, and unpolished, and fucking electric. Sirius didn't just perform, he inhabited the space. His voice was rough and full and alive in a way that made Remus's chest ache.
Remus could barely breathe through the end of their third song. And when Sirius looked right at him during "Rock 'n' Roll with Me" by David Bowie, grinning around the lyrics, Remus's heart jumped. He was in so much trouble.
He stayed seated long after their last song finished out. People clapped. A few shouted. Some shouted Sirius's name. Remus felt glued to the chair.
Eventually, Lily appeared next to him with a knowing smirk on her face, "So?" Remus blinked at her. "So what?"
"Oh come on. You looked like you were about to ascend."
Remus tried not to combust. "You're imaging things! I was just appreciating the art." Lily shook her head, "Nuh uh, I saw him stare right at you. You saw it."
"You're imaging things." Remus blushed.
Lily grinned, cocky and sure. A beat later, Sirius appeared. "Hey, Lupin."
Remus turned around, too fast, too eager. Sirius was walking towards him, post-show beautiful. His shirt was sticking to his chest and he was glowing. His grin was softer now. Tired maybe, but real.
"You came."
"Yeah." Remus said, standing on instinct. "You were...otherworldly." Sirius's eyes crinkled, "Thanks. You okay?"
Remus nodded, way too quickly, "I am."
Sirius laughed, an easy laugh. "Wanna go somewhere? I owe you for making you dance with me."
Remus's brain was screaming at him all the reasons why he should say no. But his heart spoke and he simply smiled and said, "Of course."
The diner they chose was nearly empty when they got there. It had that comforting hum of quiet conversation and smell of stale coffee. The booths were vinyl, the menus were laminated and fluorescent lights flickered above.
They slid into a booth and a waitress came by, so they ordered some chips. Once she left, Sirius leaned back in his seat across from Remus. He stretched out one leg under the table until his boot brushed against Remus's. He didn't move it.
"So. Tell me something no one else knows." Sirius smiles. "Like what?" Remus asked, he couldn't think of anything interesting enough to tell someone like Sirius.
"I'll go first. I taught myself guitar at 13, against my parent's wishes all because I wanted to impress a boy who liked The Clash." Sirius grinned, laughing at himself. "Did it work?" Remus asked, he squashed down his jealous feelings. He couldn't believe he was jealous over a crush Sirius had over six years ago.
"No." Sirius chuckled, "But I kept playing anyways."
Remus smiled, "I used to write songs."
That made Sirius light up. "No shit?" Remus nodded, a little embarrassed. "When I was younger. Mostly sad, embarrassing ones. I don't write songs much anymore." Sirius tilted his head. "Why not?"
"I guess..." Remus faltered, "I just haven't had much inspiration. Until recently that is..." He blushed and looked away. Just then the waitress came back with a plate of hot, salty chips.
"I'm glad you have inspiration again." Sirius smiled. "I bet they're good."
They talked about music after that. And then school and their families and their hobbies. By the time they finished eating, Sirius was leaning in close, his eyes bright and unwavering.
It was easy, suddenly. Just two boys in a diner booth with syrup-sticky menus and rushing feelings. When they stood to leave, Sirius hesitated. "Hey. I really liked seeing you in the audience tonight. And here."
Remus nodded and smiled softly. "I liked being there."
Sirius, for the first time ever, felt shy. "We should do this again. Maybe you can show me one of your songs. I'd love to play one." Remus froze, "You'd want to play one of my songs?"
Sirius shrugged, "Yeah. I wanna know what you...I mean, you're music sounds like." Remus swallowed hard. "Okay. Yeah, I'll send you something."
"Perfect." Sirius smiled.
༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶
Soon, Sirius was showing up everywhere. He would come to the library with James to "study", but he always ended up drifting to Remus's table to make him laugh. Or how he would send Remus songs late at night, half-finished demos and lyrics. Or how during group hangouts, Sirius was always glued to Remus's side.
It had been a month since The Marauder's gig and that night at the diner, and Remus still wasn't sure what this was. But he knew how Sirius made him feel and that was enough.
Tonight, they were at James and Sirius's flat. They'd ordered a pizza and everyone was lazily sprawled out on the floor. Lily and Peter were talking about some book and James was watching her lovingly.
Off to the side, Sirius was next to Remus, close enough that their shoulders brushed. "Wanna go out to the balcony?" Sirius asked.
Remus nodded and they went out, the cold night air hitting them in the faces, making their cheeks pink. "I'm glad you came tonight." Sirius smiled.
Remus looked down over the railing. "You always say that."
"Well I always mean it."
Silence stretched between them, but it wasn't awkward. "Do you wanna hear something I've been working on?" Sirius asked and tilted his head.
"Yeah, always." Remus grinned as Sirius pulled out his phone and handed him an earbud.
The music was rough, just a guitar and some vocals, layered raw. But it was hauntingly beautiful. About halfway through, Remus allowed a suspicion to creep through the most logical parts of his brain. Was this song about him?
It wasn't obvious. But there were lines about someone quiet and sharp, with honey brown eyes and lanky limbs. It was a love song. Remus didn't say anything, he just stared out into the dark street, his heart racing.
When the song ended, he gave the earbud back. "Did you mean it?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Every word." Sirius said, looking at him. Really looking. And Remus, who'd always been afraid of not being enough, let himself believe it. Just a little.
He didn't kow what to say though. His throat felt like a storm. Messy and frantic, desperate to break free.
Sirius smiled. Not the flashy one, not the smug grin he used when he made James laugh or Lily roll her eyes. This one was different. Small and real. "Do you wanna go for a walk?" He asked. "It's late, but-"
"Yes." Remus said, all too quickly.
When they slipped out, the air was chilly in a good way. The neighborhood was sleepy and lit by those orange street lamps that made everything feel like a dream. Their hands brushed once, and then again, and then stayed like that. Not quite held, but close. Suspended.
Eventually, Sirius spoke, a voice softer than Remus had ever heard it. "Do you really think you're ugly?"
Remus's chest tightened. "I-" He looked down at the pavement, ashamed to be so willingly vulnerable. "I think I'm not what most people want."
Sirius stopped walking.
Remus almost kept going, almost pretended nothing happened. But then he looked back, and Sirius was just standing there, looking at him like he was wondering how someone so brilliant could be so foolish.
"You're what I want." Sirius said plainly. Remus's heart kicked hard against his ribs. He felt he might vomit or cry out of pure ecstasy.
"Okay." Remus whispered, his voice cracking. "Okay."
And this time, when their hands touched, they held. Sirius was staring at him. Remus didn't know how to carry a moment like this. It felt like holding a flame between his fingers. Too bright, too hot, too fragile.
He blinked, attempting to swallow down the tightness in his throat. But Sirius stepped closer, just enough that their fronts nearly brushed.
"Can I-?"
Remus nodded immediately. He didn't trust his voice. There was a breath between them and the air shifted.
Then Sirius leaned in, hesitantly. "Tell me to stop." He breathed. Remus didn't. He couldn't. There wasn't a single universe he could image where he would.
Their mouths touched—barely at first. Just a brush. So light it could’ve been an accident if not for the way Sirius’s hand found Remus’s wrist, grounding them both.
And then it deepened. Sirius kissed him and he meant it. He kissed him like he'd been holding it back for too long. His hand slid up to cradle Remus’s jaw, thumb brushing just below his ear, and Remus made a sound—small, broken, like a sob and a laugh tangled together.
He kissed back clumsily, desperately, not knowing what he was doing and not caring. His hands fisted in Sirius’s hoodie like he needed to hold on or fall.
It wasn’t perfect. It was too much teeth, not enough breath, a little awkward—but it was real. And Remus felt like he’d been set alight in the best possible way.
When they finally broke apart, both of them breathing hard, Sirius rested his forehead against Remus’s and smiled.
“Hi,” he whispered.
Remus laughed, breathless. “Hi.”
The sky above them stayed quiet, the world soft and untouched around their little corner.
Then Sirius pulled back just enough to meet his eyes. “So... can I see you again? Like—outside of gigs and mutual friends dragging us to things?”
Remus's heart stuttered. “You want to?”
Sirius smiled, soft and sure. “I really do.”
Remus nodded, a little dazed. “Me too.”
They started walking again, slower this time, hands brushing until they fit together. It wasn’t even a question.
Maybe it didn’t change everything—not all at once. But it felt like something had shifted. Something important. Like the start of a story that had been waiting for someone to notice it.
And for the first time in a long time, Remus didn't feel like he was standing at the edge of someone else's life. He felt like he'd finally stepped into his own.