Chapter Text
For the first time in his life, Remus was lucky enough that Sister Molly hadn’t shaved his head over the summer. He was able to trim it himself, keeping it a comfortable length that matched most other boys in his year. His caramel-coloured loose curls finally framed his face like he had always hoped they would. He had no idea his hair was curly at all until a couple months ago. It had never been long enough to tell.
In the boots James gave him, cuffed khaki trousers, and a large brown jumper, Remus arrived to platform 9 ¾ alone, ready to finally fit in. With hair and normal clothes, he finally felt like he could blend in with his peers. Nobody stopped him, said hi to him- nobody seemed to recognize him. It filled him with a kind of joy he’d never felt before, to be just another member of the crowd. He wasn’t the freak, the spectacle, he was a kid on his way to school just like everyone else.
Ever taller, he could see above most people’s heads now.
“That guy looks a lot like Moony,” Peter pointed. James pulled his glasses off to clean them, and then looked again when he put them back on.
“That is Moony!” he said. James, himself, had gotten a very flattering haircut, and was beginning to look like a young man rather than the lanky kid he’d always been. Still, with huge glasses and dorky patterned tee-shirts, he looked much the same.
“ Jesuchristo, ” Sirius exclaimed, “Moony! Over here!”
Remus Lupin laid eyes on Sirius Black in all his leather-clad glory. Last year was the painted nails, and Remus had expected another addition to his punk-inspired style, but this was more than he could take in in one glance. Sirius wore torn black skinny jeans, boots laced up nearly to his knees, a red crop top, and the leather jacket he had always had, now covered in patches and pins. Among his many necklaces was his locket, and on his hands were a lot of rings. His hair fell all the way to his shoulders now, and apparently he had taken to wearing eyeliner.
“Are you gonna keep staring, or are you gonna say hi?” Sirius grinned.
“Hi!” Remus said belatedly, “You look amazing.”
James’ expression fell into something of realization, like he’d heard a joke no one else was privy to.
“What?” Remus frowned at him.
“Nothing, oh my god, nothing,” James was the worst person ever at hiding a smile, but oh did he try.
“Whatever. It’s great to see you,” Remus ruffled his friend’s hair, “New glasses?”
“Yeah,” James said happily, “I think they look much better.”
“They do. And you,” Remus pointed at Peter, “are fifteen now! Congrats!”
“Thanks,” Peter grinned, “I feel like I should be congratulating you . You have hair.”
“I know!” Remus said happily.
“I missed that smile,” Sirius squeezed Remus’ face like grandparents do to kids during family gatherings. Remus leaned forward, breath in his throat.
“Did you?” he replied on instinct, “I can’t say I know you. What have you done with Sirius Black?”
Sirius tossed his head back and laughed, “Can a guy not change his style every now and then? We’re teenagers, I thought we were supposed to be experimenting.”
“Sure, if that’s what you wanna call it,” Remus slipped a finger under Sirius’ choker, to feel if the spikes on it were actually sharp.
“What would you call it?” Sirius asked, playfully indignant.
“Cute,” Remus smiled down at him condescendingly. Sirius gasped.
“It’s not supposed to be cute , it’s supposed to be scary and badass!” he argued.
“Maybe it is, to people who don’t know what a sap you are. Clothes don’t change the kid who dances to musical theatre records when he thinks no one is looking,” Remus said quietly, and let the necklace go.
“You’ve got me,” Sirius put his hands up in feign surrender.
“Whenever you poofs are ready, we’ll be on the train,” Peter began to walk away. Laughing, the others followed him.
Sirius sat down right next to Remus, as usual, and made himself comfortable. He fidgeted with his rings, talking to James excitedly about Quidditch this year.
As usual, conversation fizzled out after an hour or so, and Peter got cozy against the wall and fell asleep. James also closed his eyes, and then Sirius went through the tedious process of untying his boots and taking them off so he could kick his feet up on Remus’ lap and lean back. James cracked an eye open and smiled.
Remus had forgotten about physical affection, to be honest. He didn’t remember it was a thing that people did, and now, with Sirius’ legs in his lap, he didn’t know what to do. He blushed a little, and looked to Sirius, who was biting his lip and smiling, in the way he did when he was being annoying on purpose.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
“Taking a nap,” Sirius replied, shutting his eyes and pretending to snore loudly. Remus rolled his eyes, but allowed it. He had to admit it was endearing. Sirius shifted closer, hair falling over his face, which wasn’t as childish and soft as it used to be. He looked like a renaissance painting, long eyelashes made to look darker by the eyeliner. It was downright attractive.
Remus could feel his heart leap and start to pound his ribcage, and in a panicked moment of understanding, he looked to James, who smiled bigger and nodded.
He was having a crisis, he thought. Now that he had accepted he was gay, a lot of boys were quite attractive to him. Even some of the boys at St. Edmunds had him blushing. Still, it didn’t make this much easier.
“Look,” James said as they approached the castle, handing Remus something.
“Ow! Fuck,” he dropped it immediately.
“What is it?” James frowned, picking it back up.
“They’re made of silver,” Remus squinted at it, “But congrats on being Head Boy.”
“Thanks,” James quickly put the pin away, “We’ll do something about the silver.”
“Yeah, I still have to figure out what I’m gonna do with mine,” Remus sighed.
“Yours?!” everyone asked at once.
“Oh, yeah, I got Gryffindor Prefect this year,” he mumbled. Sirius shook his shoulder.
“Moony, that’s great!” he said, “Give me your pin.”
Remus handed it over in its cloth, and Sirius tapped it a few times with his wand.
“It should be tin now,” he said, handing it back. Sure enough, it didn’t burn anymore.
“James, yours?” Sirius held his hand out expectantly.
It was like some problems just didn’t exist when it came to his friends. He had spent so long worrying about how he was going to handle his badge, and Sirius figured it out in no time, because of course he did, and James willingly gave up his pin for the same change.
Regularity had never felt better, but Remus knew there was some bad news he hadn’t been told yet. He lead all the first year Gryffindors to the common room, and showed them how to get in. When they all went up to their dorms, Remus was more than happy to return to his.
They found out the next day that James was assigned Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain, which had all the Marauders excited all day. This also meant James got to help pick who got on the team.
So obviously Sirius got to be one of the Gryffindor Beaters again, and in contrast to last year, they started the Quidditch season sooner than usual.
“Lilly? What are you doing here?” Remus asked, shocked. He had shown up to practice, as usual, to support his friends. But in the stands with him sat a familiar redheaded girl.
“What?” she looked like she’d been caught stealing something, “Nothing, it’s nothing. I thought I’d support Marlene.”
“Marlene isn’t here today,” Remus squinted.
“Don’t ask,” Lilly shut him down, and Remus was frankly too scared of getting on her bad side to press. He did watch her though, to try to get a clue, and found her watching James intently.
“Lilly?”
She blushed horribly, “I said don’t ask.”
“Okay.”
Remus looked forward and minded his own business. To Lilly’s credit, James had his hair pushed back nicely, and he was beginning to show some serious muscle from all the years of playing. Regulus was still Slytherin seeker, he noticed, and his hair was extra short, and he looked sickly and pale.
Then there was Sirius, who had landed to do something or other- he had a hair tie between his teeth, and was pulling his hair back so he could tie it up. He put it in a high ponytail of sorts, letting a few strands fall back into his face. Then he grinned at the stands, and waved directly at Remus, who smiled stupidly and waved back. Sirius looked so good like that, happy and healthy with his hair finally long enough to do something with.
There was no denying, at this point, that Remus did find Sirius much more attractive than anyone else he knew. It wasn’t a matter of being gay and finally being allowed to look, it was a matter of Sirius Black being undeniably hot.
He stayed smiling and staring for a long while, until he vaguely registered someone staring at him. He turned to see Lilly, looking at him skeptically.
“Don’t ask,” he echoed shortly.
“I’m going to take a shower,” Sirius announced.
“Use my shampoo,” James tossed it to him, “I can’t look at your frizzy hair anymore. It doesn’t match you. This stuff is made for curls, it should work.”
“Well okay then,” Sirius caught the bottle and took it with him. When he got out, James walked him through a complicated routine to dry his hair properly.
“Moony, look what James did!” Sirius pulled back his bed curtain to show Remus his shiny, properly washed curls. He was very excited about this, apparently.
“Very nice,” Remus smiled, propping his head up on his hand.
“Isn’t it?” Sirius was absolutely elated, “It’s so soft. Feel.”
He bowed his head down like a dog asking to be pet. Laughing, Remus reached out and ran a hand through his (admittedly very soft) hair. Sirius flopped over onto the bed with him, letting his hair splay out. He looked at his friend expectantly.
“What?” Remus quirked an eyebrow.
“Keep doing that,” Sirius put Remus’ hand back in his hair. So Remus continued. Reaching the nape of his neck, he felt fresh scars and newly raised welts. He made no comment, and was extra careful not to prod at the injuries.
He found himself unable to make excuses anymore when his eyes wandered, and his chest filled with the ticklish feeling of butterflies. There were no more excuses to be made. It was simple: Remus Lupin finally fancied someone, and it was his best friend, bloody Sirius Black.