Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

My phone buzzed just as I finished putting the second pearl earring in my left ear. I turned to grab it, the screen flashing with Jere's happy face - all sunshine and ease. I smiled an picked up. It was nice, this place we had eventually found, where we could talk again with only the faintest ghost of awkwardness between us. 

I sat on the edge of my bed, careful not to wrinkle my dress too much.

“Hey, Jere!” I said. I knew he was calling to tell me he wasn't coming. We’d agreed that big, emotional events would be best navigated apart for a while. No one had written a handbook for being friends after nearly getting married. We were making it up as we went.

“Hi, Bells! Congrats on the big day,” Jeremiah said, his voice bright, just as I liked it. I could hear music in the background and imagined him behind the wheel of his Jeep, his elbow propped on the open window.  

I leaned back slightly, smiling. “Thanks, Jere. You on the road?”

“Yeah, heading to Maddy’s before we go to her parents’ place, which—" he paused, likely distracted by a particularly complex intersection. I could still picture it so easily.

“What was I saying? Anyway, I’m sorry I’m not going to be there in person.”

“Yeah, I get it, Jere, you don't have to explain,” I said. I knew it was all for the best, but a part of me was going to miss having him here. Jeremiah and Maddy had been dating for the better part of a year. It sounded like things were getting serious. 

“No, I know, it's just that…” Jeremiah hesitated for a second, “Um, well, Con's coming,” he said. He let the words settle before adding, “Maybe you already knew, but in case you didn't, I wanted to give you a heads-up. We talked yesterday and he was already on his way to the airport.”

My heart skipped a beat. My eyes flickered to the desk drawer where I kept Conrad's letters. All of them. I had gotten so used to one arriving each month. He had kept writing, even when I hadn’t responded. It had been a long time since I’d last seen him in person. Not since the wedding.

“Oh,” was all I could think to say. I thought of the Love, Conrad at the end of his last letter and chewed on my lower lip, “I didn't know. I'm surprised Steven hasn't blurted it out by now.”

Jeremiah laughed, but there was the slightest edge to it. We rarely talked about Conrad. That was another part of our arrangement. Especially in the beginning, when the two of them barely spoke. I couldn't help but blame myself. It had started to shift while I was in Spain, before any of Conrad's letters. I could tell they had worked out their own arrangement. 

“Get over yourself, Isabel,” he teased with enough warmth in his voice to calm me down a bit. 

I laughed and let myself fall back on the mattress.

“Alright, alright, thanks for the heads-up,” I said. 

Mom's head appeared in the doorway. “Isabel, we leave in half an hour,” she said before frowning slightly. “Don't mess up your hair.”

I nodded and silently pointed at the phone.

“You're welcome, Bells,” Jeremiah said, his voice light again, “I'm almost at Maddy's so we'll talk later, ok? Have a great day. This one’s all yours.”

“I will,” I promised, “Say hi for me.”

Chapter Text

The graduation ceremony passed in a blur of color and laughter - speeches, balloons, confetti, the blistering sun. By the time we spilled out into the courtyard, I felt weightless, almost drunk on joy. Clusters of family and friends filled the space with chatter and camera flashes. I set out to find mine. 

“Isabel!” my mother called from the right. I turned and saw her waving at me. She was wearing a white lace sundress. I could tell there were tears in her eyes. I felt a sudden urge to run into her arms and squeeze her as tight as I could. 

Next to her, Steven and Taylor were lost in their own competitive bubble as usual. His arms around her waist. They looked up at the sound of my name and broke into grins.

And then, of course, there was Conrad. 

He stood just apart from the rest, hands in the pockets of his olive-green pants, his white polo crisp against his sun-kissed skin. He was smiling in that way which crinkled the corners of his eyes and the bridge of his nose. My breath caught for just a moment, and then I was smiling back, full of all the potential in the world. 

I hadn't realized how much I had missed him. 

A few more steps, and my mother pulled me into a hug. I let myself sink into her, before Steven and Taylor declared they ' couldn't wait any longer ' and joined in. My heart was racing—some combination of heat, nerves, and happiness. 

And I was aware of Conrad still waiting for his turn.

I finally stepped back from my family to look at him. 

He was still smiling, but there was a crease between his brows. Even after all this time apart, I knew him well enough to recognize it for what it was: nervousness.

That was all I needed.

I crossed the last bit of space between us and wrapped my arms around him. Conrad let out a soft laugh - relieved - before hugging me back. A tidal wave of emotions hit me all at once. 

“I'm so proud of you, Belly,” Conrad said right next to my ear. 

Heat crept up my cheeks. 

Love, Conrad

Chapter Text

Mom brought us to an elegant rooftop bar to celebrate. The air was thick and warm, fairy lights strung across the terrace casting everything in a soft orange glow. By the time it got dark, I was drunk on more than feelings. Mom had gone back to her hotel. Taylor and Steven had disappeared—likely making out somewhere after their forty-minute reggaeton dance-off. 

It was just me and Conrad now. I briefly considered whether my brother - always the perfect wingman - had orchestrated this lucky turn of events. 

Conrad had just finished describing an argument he'd had with one of his med school professors when his eyes landed on the infinity necklace around my neck. For a moment, he lost his train of thought. I saw a smile tug the corners of his lips. I realized he was waiting for an answer to a question I hadn’t heard. 

“What?”

“Nothing, I was just saying… Mom would have loved this view. It looks like a painting.”

I’d been thinking of Susannah all day. The way she would have made us take too many pictures “for memories,” her perfect toast at dinner, the way she’d look at me and Conrad with that giddy smile that said I told you so . Still, hearing him say it out loud surprised me.

“She really would have,” I said, “I missed her today.”

“I know, I still miss her all the time,” Conrad said, exhaling, his eyes falling to his hands. 

I didn’t expect him to say more. 

But he did.

“I used to think that maybe if I got really, really good at shutting her out of my head, the pain would be easier to manage. But we all saw how well that worked…”

Right then I remembered the chaos of my almost-wedding - and the night before. The memories still came with a residue of sadness. I was glad he didn’t look up. I didn’t move, afraid to break the moment. I couldn’t remember if he had ever talked to me about Susannah like this. 

“I should have known I couldn’t keep that much locked away. So after a while, I let myself think about her again. And it was like… I got a part of her back. Maybe it’s silly, but I see so much of her in Jere, in Laurel…in you.” 

His eyes met mine with an intensity that made it feel like he had touched me.

I knew what he meant. 

I had locked out my memories of him the same way he had locked out his memories of Susannah. Tried to convince myself that whatever we had was in the past. It had all seemed so all-or-nothing back then. Until his first letter. Until, month by month, he slowly wrote his way back into my life. Now we had this little capsule dimension, where he had finally told me what he felt - and where none of it could be taken back. 

I reached up, fingers brushing the charm at my collarbone. Conrad followed the motion with his eyes.

“Thank you for replying to my letter,” he said. 

“Oh, well, it was Christmas. And you promised to show me the family portrait if I did.” 

He studied my face carefully, as if I had asked a question. His eyes fell briefly to my lips, and mine widened a fraction.

“And I will - but you’ll have to come meet me at the summerhouse to see it. I won’t risk exposing it to the wider world.” Conrad said.

He looked at me like we both knew that, under his words, he had said something completely different—and was waiting for me to answer. Yet unlike all those times before, a smile tugged at the right corner of his lips. 

I smiled back.

“I’ll think about it.” I said, barely a whisper. 

We had instinctively moved closer to each other. 

“The end of your last letter,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, “Did you…”

“Belly,” Conrad said, “I got on a plane and came here without telling you because I thought… maybe you’d tell me not to. But I hoped…since you wrote back…”

I wasn't used to thinking of Conrad as someone that could ever be worried about not being chosen. Then I remembered I hadn’t. I reached up to brush hair out of his eyes and let my fingers linger on his cheek.

“Conrad.”

“I meant it.” Conrad said, leaning in right to my ear, “I still love you, Isabel.”

His words hit me in slow motion, like those thrilling seconds a firework spends flying into the sky before exploding into color. My name on his lips like that was downright indecent. 

When Conrad kissed me, his lips were hungry. He kissed me with all the certainty in the world until my skin buzzed. His hands were on my cheeks, my neck, and all I could hear was the sound of my heart. We broke apart for air, grinning like fools. Then he kissed me again, and again—until we might as well have been floating among the stars.

Chapter Text

I invited Conrad back to my room. 

We hadn't stopped touching the entire way there—his fingers brushing against mine, my hand grazing his forearm, the warmth of his palm resting lightly against my lower back. It was as if neither of us could quite believe this was real. Finally . 

The moment we stepped inside, Conrad started touring the room, cataloging the space like he was learning a new side of me. He didn't let go of my hand, though, dragging me along, pressing his lips to my hair. His fingers trailed absently over the spines of my books, pausing on a well-worn one he had once lent me years ago. His gaze flickered over the postcards taped to my fridge, the little trinkets I’d collected from different cities. And then he spotted the framed photo on my shelf.

“Whoa, Bells,” he said, lifting it with a grin. “How many wild Spanish parties did you go to?”

I rolled my eyes, trying to tug it away before he could scrutinize it further. “Enough for a lifetime.”

The picture was of me, slightly sunburned, holding an absurdly large glass of sangria. It was from a night when I had danced until sunrise, until my feet ached and the sky turned pink over the Mediterranean.

Conrad laughed, then his attention shifted again.

“Ah. Look at us,” he said, spotting a photo from Cousins. He picked it up. I must have been thirteen when it was taken, wearing one of my old polka-dot swimsuits, my hair wild and wet. Conrad was beside me, mid-laugh, his right arm slung lazily over my shoulder and his left one over Steven’s.

I tried to grab it. “Conrad, we can reminisce later if you want, but I was actually trying to tell you something.”

“Later,” he echoed. “Like when you come to stay with me at the summerhouse?”

Something about the way he said it made my stomach flip.

Conrad finally set the photo down, and when he turned back to me, his expression had changed again—open, unguarded in a way I hadn’t seen in years.

We were standing in front of the narrow street-facing window now, the soft golden light from the city outside illuminating his face. It brought out the gold in his eyes, his lashes, his hair - like something from a memory I had tried to hold onto for too long.

I reached up and touched his cheek, because I could. Because I wasn’t sixteen anymore, tiptoeing around my own feelings and Conrad’s. Because he was looking at me in a way that made me forget my own name. 

I had missed it like air. 

“Sorry,” Conrad said, his voice hushed. “What did you want to tell me?”

For a moment, nothing existed outside of this very room. And it didn't matter. For once it didn't matter at all. I had to say what I’d known in my heart to be true since the moment I first saw him this morning in the courtyard.

“I love you too.”

Conrad's eyes widened a fraction. The way he smiled then brought back the words he had said to me years ago— Your whole face just lights up . It was almost as if he couldn't believe it. Then, slowly, his entire body relaxed. 

Conrad pulled me to himself and kissed me in a way I had never been kissed. Like he had truly thought he would never get the chance again. It wasn’t like our first kiss, all soft and hesitant. It wasn’t like the ones that came after, when he was drowning in grief and kissing me just to forget. Now he kissed me because he wanted to. 

He told me he loved me against my skin, his lips brushing the side of my neck. He said it again, like he had to make sure I knew.

And this time - I did.