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Click. Click.
The noise of the fans opening, blowing hot air was barely audible, but V1 was strangely aware of it. The blood in its body was boiling, running wild with excitement, a mimic of a human. But only a mimic.
Under its hands, the smooth onyx skin pulsed warm and alive. It was soft to touch, even when its fingers found the wounds it left in its wake. While the draw of blood usually sent reward signals through their system, this time, the touch of open flesh gave V1 a bitter taste.
This wasn't a fight. It wasn't a spar, nor a struggle, no. This was supposed to be a tender moment. Something that felt good, pleasant, soft. And even though V1 knew Gabriel wasn't opposed to small inflictions of pain when they were making out, it had not purposely injured him. His breath was coming in small, delighted pants, and yet V1 could barely pay attention to it.
Each shutter and click in its chassis, as quiet as they were, echoed in V1's mind like a shot. Loud and unpleasant and a reminder of what it was. An object. Consciousness more or less didn't change that. Its shell was synthetic, its innards a mix of guts from different people, the blood in its veins a cocktail of sinners and saints. It was a killing machine. Nothing more.
And as much as V1 tried to be more, to be better, it failed. It was constantly reminded of that. Even when it tried to be tender with Gabriel, it would leave wounds in its wake. It would cut, it would tear, it would short circuit when overwhelmed. It tried to be good, to be gentle, but even now it couldn't prevent the Knuckleblaster from digging its talons into the holy flesh.
V1 hadn't noticed that its hands had come to a halt, plagued by its racing thoughts, until Gabriel's helm nudged against the side of their head. “You seem absent.” he stated, and the machine felt its body stiffen. “We can stop here.” The broad hand of an angel, which had been drawing circles just above V1's hip, came to a halt, and V1 felt something inside it shatter.
It peeled itself off from where it was seated on Gabriel's lap, stumbling onto its feet and turning away before its pair of blue hands came up, gripping its visor with a frustrated whirr. Why, just why, could they simply not contain themself? This could have been a perfect situation, promising pleasure and reward signals and it just couldn't stop itself from fucking it up.
“Machine?” came the familiar voice, barely audible over the thump of V1 dropping to the ground, hands gripping violently at its head. It wished to tear itself apart, piece by piece, wire by wire. The familiar hand came to the small of its back, warm and gentle, too gentle for them. “What is wrong, V1?”
For a moment, V1 wanted to smack Gabriel's hand away, kick and screech and run away. But it had done enough damage already. It had to at least attempt to control itself. One of the hands gripping its head came to the abused cable between their head and their torso they always fidgeted with when they needed to ground themself, the other hand came up above its head, signing blindly.
“I'm sorry.”, they told Gabriel with shaking limbs. The angel sucked in a breath, but before he could speak, they continued. “I didn't mean to ruin the moment.” If only it could properly contain itself and its damned thoughts. If only it could try harder and be better. The machine didn't dare to lift its head.
Gabriel's hand began to draw gentle circles on its back once again before he began to speak. “You didn't ruin anything.” V1 could hear the hesitation in his voice, as if searching for words to not hurt them. It pained them that he inconvenienced himself for them. “I was rather worried you did not feel in the mood. I wanted to reassure you that you do not need to continue for my sake.”
Good. He was so good and it pained the machine even more. He was divine and gentle and knew how to act right in all the situations he encountered, and V1 felt it tear on its artificial heart. “I'm sorry.” it signed again, hands still trembling. “I wish I was better.”
A second hand came to V1's plating, and carefully, the two hand grasped its smaller body, lifting it from where it cowered on the ground. Big arms wrapped around the warmachine and embraced it in a hug. “I don't know what you're talking about, machine.” came the angel's voice, warm and vibrating through his bare chest against which V1 was flushed. “You are quite certainly my most equal adversary, and an excellent example of your kind. I don't see how you could wish to be better.” If it wasn't for the smile in his voice, V1 would have already begun to argue.
Gabriel loosened his arms around the machine to properly look at it. “You are good, V1. You have nothing to apologize for.” He hummed, hands gently caressing its sides. “And I believe you know me well enough. I will voice my concerns and issues if I have any with you.” His tone is humorous, but it did lift some worries off the machine's shoulders. A whirr mimicking a sigh leaves its vents before it flops back against the angel's chest, squeezing their optic shut.
It was frustrating, nothing could change that. But at least Gabriel's words reassured it and made V1 want to try again. They simply lingered against Gabriel's form, taking their time to recover from their near breakdown.
It would try harder to become a better person, while barely being a person. But it would try.