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“So? Was all of this really necessary?” He finally got to ask the question he was thinking the whole time.
“Every single part of it”, he replied, looking him straight into the eyes.
Even in another lifetime, it would be necessary. Everything would have to happen again and again. All the things would need to be done in the same way.
“I miss you”, he said after a few minutes of silence.
A single tear flew from his eye, flowing down, through his cheek, ending on his chin, where it finally dropped to the floor.
“I know”, was the response he heard.
It suited his character so much. Almost too much.
If it wasn't happening for real, why did he feel like it? Was everything really only inside of his mind? Was he even still alive? Was he dreaming or on the verge of dying?
Sometimes, he wished he'd actually died and could meet him on the same ground. Again, fighting each other or… maybe not?
Who would’ve known? At least for now, they weren't so he couldn't check it. And, frankly speaking, he still had a few reasons to not meet him that way so soon.
“Why do you still think about it?” Na Baek Jin asked him, looking really confused. “It’s already done, nothing can change it. Just let it go.”
Park Hu-min shook his head. “But it doesn't make it right.”
Na Baek Jin nodded. “Uhm”, he responded. “It doesn't.”
“That's why I can't stop thinking about it.”
Na Baek Jin sighed. “But you should, Baku. It’s eating you from inside, I know it.”
Park Hu-min only smiled lightly, tilting his head to the side. “Why did you die then, if you knew it would be so hard on me?”
The silence enveloped them, making them feel even more intimate than they were before. They hold a strong eye contact, connecting themselves by reading the other’s emotions.
“I’m sorry.”
He finally heard it. It should have made him feel good, but it didn’t. If he wanted to hear it so bad, why did he feel so empty when it actually happened?
“You should be”, he finally replied. “But, I would like to hear it from the real you.” Baku bit his lips to not let another tear escape his eye.
Na Baek Jin only smiled, taking a step closer to him. He placed his right hand on Park Hu-min’s cheek, caressing it so gently like he was a paper doll.
“Baku, I’m as real as you want me to be”, he said after a while. He brought his face closer to the other one’s, touching his nose with his own one. “I know what you mean, but this is the only way we can meet now. I’m sorry.”
It was hard to hear, even though he knew it. Even though he heard it at least a hundred times before. Even if he attended his funeral, even if he mourned over him for months. He still couldn’t actually believe in that.
When he first heard the news, everything appeared in slow motion. His father holding him when he fell down, his friends shaking his body which went numb and the strong grip he had on the phone that was still on the call with Seungjo.
Over time, everything after that started to become a foggy memory and only this moment still remained as clear as day. How could he even forget the moment he himself died internally?
“Why did they kill you?”
Baek Jin just sighed. “It’s our law.”
“ Your law?” Baku took a step back, looking at him angrily. “You still consider yourself one of them ?”
“I never actually left”, Baek Jin shrugged. “Don’t be angry, Baku, it won’t change anything. I’m dead . It’s over for me, for eternity. Now I’m only a mere memory in everyone’s lives. Nothing more, maybe only less.”
Baku wanted to cry again.
“You fool, don’t cry, you crybaby”, Baek Jin laughed like it was nothing. Like it was just a casual meeting with a good friend. “Come here, my baby .”
And he pulled him by his shirt, hugging him tightly like never before.
They never actually showed their feelings like that . Sometimes, they would say nice things to each other, but that was it. Never before would Baku or Baek Jin imagine themselves in this kind of situation.
Yet, there they were.
“You know, that in Buddhism, if people are meant for each other they will meet in another lifetime?” Baek Jin suddenly asked, making Baku a little bit surprised.
“I don’t know, maybe. Why?”
“Because you shouldn’t worry, then, Park Hu-min.” Baek Jin smiled widely. “We will surely meet each other again.”
It was his final words before vanishing completely. He no longer heard his laugh or voice, but only a weird beeping on his right side.
“Doctor, he’s awake!” His dad’s voice started to fade away, as his father left the room to search for someone.
A single tear dropped from his eye.
“Na Baek Jin…”, he muttered with difficulty. “I really … hate you.”